Latest / Ay Mijita ✨ Embrace your raíces. Reclaim your esencia. / When Anxiety Gets Loud

Transcript

When Anxiety Gets Loud · Ay Mijita ✨ Embrace your raíces. Reclaim your esencia.

• 0:05
  Dora: Hey, welcome back to Amiquita Impressi Raices Reclaim Your Essentia.
• 0:10
  Dora: Before we start, take a breath with me.
• 0:13
  Dora: Like a real one.
• 0:16
  Dora: Because this episode is not just about something you're going to listen to.
• 0:21
  Dora: It's something you're going to feel.
• 0:24
  Dora: And if I'm being honest, I've been avoiding recording this one.
• 0:28
  Dora: Not because I don't know what to say, but because I do.
• 0:32
  Dora: And saying it out loud makes it real.
• 0:36
  Dora: Lately, anxiety has been loud in my life.
• 0:41
  Dora: Not the kind you can just ignore or you can just push through.
• 0:46
  Dora: The kind that sits in your chest.
• 0:49
  Dora: That wakes you up, that whispers something isn't okay.
• 0:54
  Dora: And for a long time now, I tried to pretend I was fine.
• 0:59
  Dora: So grab your cafecito, beverage of choice, and walk through this journey with me.
• 1:06
  Dora: Alrighty.
• 1:07
  Dora: Settle in.
• 1:30
  Dora: Sometimes it's just overthinking everything, feeling on the edge for no reason, getting quiet when you normally wouldn't.
• 1:39
  Dora: And the other way it kind of manifests, it's snapping, then feeling guilty after.
• 1:45
  Dora: Or it could be laying in bed, exhausted, but your mind won't turn off.
• 1:52
  Dora: For me, it started creeping in slowly.
• 1:57
  Dora: And then all at once, like a wave, like a huge tsunami kind of hitting me, and I didn't see it coming.
• 2:04
  Dora: There are moments where I'm sitting there and everything is technically okay.
• 2:10
  Dora: But my body feels like something bad is about to happen.
• 2:15
  Dora: And that's the part people don't talk about.
• 2:18
  Dora: When your reality doesn't match what your body is feeling.
• 2:29
  Dora: When I'm safe, like it doesn't just it doesn't really sit right.
• 2:34
  Dora: So contradictory.
• 2:38
  Dora: Because this isn't just random.
• 2:41
  Dora: Let's be real.
• 2:42
  Dora: There are layers here.
• 2:45
  Dora: I'm 17 weeks into chemo.
• 2:48
  Dora: My body has been through so much.
• 2:51
  Dora: There's fear.
• 2:52
  Dora: Even when I don't want to admit it, there's the conversation with my oncologist had with me about how the first five years, oh, it gets me every time emotionally, that there's still a possibility.
• 3:07
  Dora: There's still a possibility for the cancer to come back.
• 3:10
  Dora: And that reality finally hit me.
• 3:13
  Dora: And that that sits somewhere deep.
• 3:18
  Dora: Even when I'm trying to stay positive, and I'm I'm praying so hard, and I have so many people praying so hard, and I have so many like mandas, which means I have to visit so many places in Mexico with all the saints and the all the things and bring them tribute for when I'm done with this journey.
• 3:37
  Dora: And even when I'm choosing faith, I'm still having these shakeable moments.
• 3:54
  Dora: There's a big deadline coming up this Friday.
• 3:57
  Dora: And she was being a mommy, and I was able to break down with her and tell her what was on my mind and how anxiety has been really eating up at me.
• 4:13
  Dora: And it's like I'm I'm so emotional right now, and again, it's back to the all the effects of the chemo, the hormones, the everything, but I it just gets me all the time that I'm unable to manage my emotions like I used to be.
• 4:27
  Dora: So I'm definitely grieving my old self, and it brings up so much anxiety, and it's like I've been sitting with what is it that brings up anxiety?
• 4:35
  Dora: Well, it's myself that I I'm unable to control these things, right?
• 4:39
  Dora: We we don't have tomorrow guaranteed, as my husband says.
• 4:48
  Dora: honestly, like a miracle.
• 4:52
  Dora: I don't know what how else to put it.
• 4:55
  Dora: This is where I'm discovering that things happen to crack us open, to unlock certain things in us and in others, in order for us to kind of keep moving in our lives, in our paths.
• 5:10
  Dora: And when you're in it, like right now, for me, it sucks.
• 5:15
  Dora: I'm not gonna lie, it sucks because having this like anxiousness and I I've been I've been through the depression before, um, in years past, years ago, when I was pregnant with both of my kids, because again, hormones are very sensitive for me.
• 5:32
  Dora: But this anxiety thing is a whole nother animal, it's a whole nother thing.
• 5:37
  Dora: And then that's where I I have then thoughts about the money, let's just say, and that anxiety of will there be enough?
• 5:47
  Dora: Even when I'm I've seen myself create it before, like money and all the things, and then there's being being the strong one, the one who holds space, the one who people come to, the one who has the answers.
• 6:06
  Dora: But then who holds you when that's when you're that person, and so I've been able to provide for people recently, but obviously I'm a lot slower than I used to.
• 6:22
  Dora: I'm not and and I feel like there I'm at a precipice, definitely on a precipice of something big.
• 6:28
  Dora: I know I'm healing, I have healing abilities, and it's like a playground for me right now, but I also have to keep cautious of I do have my limits, and I do have to rest and take it easy.
• 6:44
  Dora: And for me, easy is not an easy word in my vocabulary because I usually make stuff really hard for myself, so let's just call it self-sabotage.
• 6:53
  Dora: Um, and and that's where I'm noticing and being aware, and those people and the people around me, like my husband, my mom, my kids, and my my family, my sisters, they they make me realize that it's like Dora, you're stressing yourself out, like you shouldn't be doing all, you know, you shouldn't be doing all these things, but you want to do these things.
• 7:13
  Dora: And I just thought I was keeping busy.
• 7:15
  Dora: Um, and I am keeping busy, and I'm trying to do all the things and stay positive and have faith.
• 7:19
  Dora: But yeah, definitely this season of life is rocking my world.
• 7:24
  Dora: I got really good at saying I'm okay.
• 7:29
  Dora: Even when I wasn't, because growing up, being the strong one, wasn't a choice, it was survival.
• 7:39
  Dora: Like learning to not cry too much, not ask for too much, not need too much.
• 7:46
  Dora: Because there's always something else going on.
• 7:50
  Dora: So you become the one who holds it all together.
• 7:53
  Dora: The one who shows up, the one who keeps going.
• 7:57
  Dora: And that version of me, she got me here, right here, right now, where I'm at.
• 8:03
  Dora: But she's also tired.
• 8:06
  Dora: She's really tired.
• 8:11
  Dora: There was a moment recently where I felt it all at once.
• 8:16
  Dora: The anxiety, the pressure, the fear, the exhaustion, and I couldn't push it down anymore.
• 8:28
  Dora: And instead of doing what I've always done, which is keep going, I stopped.
• 8:36
  Dora: And I said, I'm not okay.
• 8:42
  Dora: And that felt so uncomfortable, so beside me.
• 8:49
  Dora: Because if it if you're anything like me, admitting that it feels like you're losing control.
• 8:59
  Dora: But what I'm learning is that's actually where the healing starts.
• 9:06
  Dora: Let's talk about this part on seeking professional help.
• 9:10
  Dora: Because I think there's still stigma around it.
• 9:16
  Dora: I decided to seek professional help back in October of 2024, but even with that, and even saying that, I had resistance back in that day.
• 9:29
  Dora: But right now, I'm in a moment where I need even more professional help.
• 9:34
  Dora: And talking with my oncologist, they referred me to some psychiatric help.
• 9:41
  Dora: And because I thought I do healing work, I should be able to navigate all these things.
• 9:48
  Dora: But healing isn't about doing it alone, it's all about allowing yourself to be supported.
• 9:57
  Dora: So I reached out, and that wasn't easy for me.
• 10:01
  Dora: Um, I do have to wait a little bit, a few weeks, but there was fear when making the appointment, like, and just going and sharing with my mom and my family that hey, I'm gonna seek even more professional help for my cancer specific right now because I'm kind of spiraling out of control and going through all these emotions.
• 10:22
  Dora: I can't take any supplements and things right now, but there's fear about what are people gonna think?
• 10:30
  Dora: Do I really need this?
• 10:32
  Dora: Or am I overreacting like seriously?
• 10:35
  Dora: Like, I shouldn't be feeling all these things, right?
• 10:37
  Dora: Like, is it I should be able to calm down and be okay.
• 10:42
  Dora: But I chose to listen to my body instead of my ego, and I want to say this clearly: you can be spiritual, you can definitely be intuitive, and you can be strong and still need support.
• 11:02
  Dora: That doesn't take away from who you are, it totally deepens it, deepens all of you, the essence of you, and understanding what are the underlying things, what am I afraid of?
• 11:14
  Dora: And that's where I feel like I'm gonna go into this portal of like my shadow side, of learning and uprooding all these things that have been probably living under the surface that are ready to come out.
• 11:26
  Dora: And much more, what better way to talk about it with a professional, um, somebody that's able to navigate these things.
• 11:34
  Dora: I do the spiritual work, I do the limpias and the things, but I I know that I also need that's that medical support.
• 11:43
  Dora: Um, I do have my spiritual guides um and mentors that I reach out to, but this is work that one needs to do on oneself as well at the same time, in parallel, and especially navigating all these waters for myself.
• 11:58
  Dora: So that's where I'm I'm I'm scared.
• 12:01
  Dora: I am scared of what's gonna come up.
• 12:03
  Dora: But then again, I know that working through these things it's gonna make me a better version of myself.
• 12:11
  Dora: So let's get into a little bit more about talking to my family, because this part this part stretched me.
• 12:19
  Dora: Because opening up to my family, especially my mom that doesn't really demonstrate emotions, um, when I braced her for the hug, and I like totally collapsed, let's just say.
• 12:33
  Dora: Um, because my mom always saw me as a strong one, and I see her as a strong one, so we're like each other's rock.
• 12:40
  Dora: But for my mom to get emotional is really hard, and I know she tries to stay strong for me, but especially when you're used to being the strong one, right?
• 12:52
  Dora: So it feels vulnerable in a different way.
• 12:55
  Dora: I had to say things like to my family, to my husband and my daughter, and my son, and my mom, that I'm feeling anxious, that I don't feel like myself sometimes, that it's just so overwhelming, like I can't keep it together.
• 13:09
  Dora: Like at work, I ended up crying half like 30 minutes, like in an hour meeting.
• 13:14
  Dora: I took 30 minutes to cry with my coworker.
• 13:18
  Dora: And fortunately, that person's able to hold space for me, but I need support.
• 13:23
  Dora: I I I have to admit that I'm, and that's a vulnerability for me.
• 13:28
  Dora: And not everyone knew how to respond, like they just hold space for me.
• 13:33
  Dora: I cry, that's my way of channeling out, let's just say.
• 13:38
  Dora: Um, and my family, my husband was always he's always Mr.
• 13:42
  Dora: Fix It, right?
• 13:42
  Dora: He always wants to fix everything.
• 13:44
  Dora: So some of them try to fix.
• 13:47
  Dora: My son is more on the quiet side, and my daughter is more of the tries to figure it out and look at it from a different perspective.
• 13:54
  Dora: And then sometimes they just don't fully understand like what I'm going through.
• 13:59
  Dora: And I had to learn that sometimes that doesn't mean I shouldn't share or keep it all to myself.
• 14:07
  Dora: It just means I get to choose who can hold me, and also it's learning to say, I don't need you to fix this.
• 14:18
  Dora: I just need you to be with me right now.
• 14:22
  Dora: And I know a lot of people are praying, and I appreciate, and I that's where I sink back into gratitude and faith.
• 14:29
  Dora: Because those are definitely my anchors right now, but still, I'm I'm human, right?
• 14:34
  Dora: I have fears, I have all these emotions that come up.
• 14:37
  Dora: And navigating those waters, I don't have to do it alone.
• 14:42
  Dora: And that's what I'm learning is to receive.
• 14:45
  Dora: And I'm still in this process of receiving mode because I'm I'm the I'm the giver, right?
• 14:49
  Dora: I love to give, give, give.
• 14:50
  Dora: Um, but when it comes to receiving the love, support, the grace, the compassion from others, and then especially having it for myself.
• 15:00
  Dora: That's one of the things that I'm learning to do right now.
• 15:05
  Dora: Right now, I'm not trying to be perfect.
• 15:09
  Dora: I'm just trying to be present in the moment.
• 15:14
  Dora: I'm slowing down.
• 15:16
  Dora: Even when my mind says do more, I'm resting.
• 15:22
  Dora: Even when I feel guilty for it.
• 15:26
  Dora: And I'm checking in with myself throughout the day.
• 15:29
  Dora: Instead of abandoning myself and just trying to, you know, push through.
• 15:36
  Dora: I'm letting myself feel without rushing to fix it.
• 15:45
  Dora: Because sometimes anxiety is just unprocessed emotion, asking to be seen.
• 15:54
  Dora: I don't see anxiety the same way anymore.
• 15:58
  Dora: It's not something I need to get rid of.
• 16:01
  Dora: It's something I need to understand.
• 16:04
  Dora: Because underneath anxiety, there's usually fear, uncertainty, lack of control, and especially old wounds.
• 16:15
  Dora: So instead of asking, How do I stop this?
• 16:20
  Dora: I've been curious and I've been asking myself, what are you trying to show me?
• 16:27
  Dora: And that question alone has really shifted and changed everything on how I perceive it.
• 16:34
  Dora: It's like growing up, anxiety, mental health wasn't really a common thing to talk about.
• 16:40
  Dora: And I know my like my elders are thinking, oh, you know, that's for crazy people or whatnot, to go to psychologists or what therapists.
• 16:51
  Dora: But in this moment right now, being able to acknowledge that I mean, I'm do I do the healing work.
• 16:58
  Dora: This is what I kind of practice the way I preach.
• 17:01
  Dora: But being in the Eye of the Earth hurricane or going in through the storm here, it's like you have these resources in the community, and we can seek these things, but so for some reason we just decided just stand there in the threshold.
• 17:17
  Dora: Like, do I really need it?
• 17:18
  Dora: Do I not need it?
• 17:20
  Dora: And right now that's where I'm at.
• 17:23
  Dora: I'm stepping over that threshold.
• 17:25
  Dora: It's like, no, I need it.
• 17:27
  Dora: I need it for me to be a better mom, better wife, better daughter, better sister, caregiver, healer, coach, employee, friend, anything, like all the facets that I have in my day to be a better version of me and working and navigating through these things.
• 17:51
  Dora: If you're listening to this right now, I want you to pause and ask yourself, where has anxiety been showing up in your life?
• 18:03
  Dora: What have you been holding in that you haven't said out loud?
• 18:11
  Dora: Who do you feel safe with?
• 18:17
  Dora: And if the answer is no one, let this be your sign that you don't have to keep doing it alone.
• 18:28
  Dora: If this episode resonated with you, I want to invite you into my community, the I Mihita Collective, where we're not pretending, we're actually doing the work together.
• 18:40
  Dora: And I'm kick I've kicked it off in the last couple weeks, and I am in the process of just putting in a lot of content in there, and I'm that's the space where we can definitely talk about anxiety, but all the things, healing, new new moon, full moon, all the musings.
• 19:00
  Dora: So join us and share this episode.
• 19:04
  Dora: Reach out if you need support.
• 19:06
  Dora: You can definitely find me in the show notes below.
• 19:21
  Dora: You don't have to be the strong one all the time, you don't have to carry everything quietly.
• 19:27
  Dora: And asking for help is not weakness, it's courage, it's choosing yourself.
• 19:35
  Dora: I'm right here with you, always sending you so much love.
• 19:40
  Dora: Thank you for listening and tuning in today.
• 19:43
  Dora: Um, this one was a raw episode for me.
• 19:46
  Dora: Um, and always remember, embrace your raisis, reclaim your essential.
• 19:50
  Dora: I'll see you to next time.
• 19:51
  Dora: Bye, okay.