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Keeping Your Mood in Check: Don't Drag Your Spouse Down · Doing Marriage Well

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  Doing Marriage Well for August 18, 2026 Keeping Your Mood in Check Don't Drag
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  Your Spouse Down Yesterday I warned you about not letting your spouse's mood make you feel bad.
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  Today let's talk about the reverse, trying to keep your mood from taking your
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  spouse down. This is tricky because hiding how you feel is never a good idea.
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  Your spouse should know where you are mentally and emotionally.
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  Knowing you're down or stressed should elicit concern and some effort to make things easier for you.
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  Part of this is not allowing your mood to run wild. If we lean into a mood,
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  it can become much stronger.
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  If you're down, talking a lot about the things that got you down will make it
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  worse. Talking with folks who feel the same way will also make it worse.
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  A bigger issue is what you feel your spouse's response to your mood should be.
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  Caring and praying? Trying to help? Joining in your bad mood?
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  Do you expect them to rescue you from your bad mood? Do you expect them to guard you from others?
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  If you're down, is it their job to keep the kids away?
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  Do you want them to be kind and helpful, or do you put unfair responsibility on them?
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  If you're down and they're not, do you feel betrayed?
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  Do note reaching out for comfort is very different than expecting them to fix things.
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  A junior spouse talked about this. They may assume you expect things you do not.
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  This could be due to their past. If they had any abuse in their growing up years,
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  fixing your mood may feel like a matter of life and death.
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  Saying something like, I'm sorry I'm down, I don't expect you to fix it,
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  is loving and helpful Beyond all of this, if you regularly are in a less than
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  great mood, is that something you need to deal with?
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  Being grumpy most of the time is not okay Why are you grumpy?
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  What can you do to deal with the triggers?
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  We can't easily change how we feel, and it's more difficult with some emotions
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  than others But we can choose how we react to what we feel And we can choose
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  how we act towards others when we feel bad Finally, you keep your bad mood under
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  control at work or in public, but unleash it at home?
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  That's a choice, and not a loving one. Of course, you are more honest with your
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  spouse, but that does not justify treating them poorly.
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  This is Paul, reminding you that doing marriage well looks different for every couple.