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Coming Home: Learning to Trust Yourself Again · The Original Self Podcast

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Nobody reaches for celery after a breakup. Emotional
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hunger always knows exactly what it wants. And
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it's never celery. But telling the difference
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between wanting comfort and needing food isn't
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always that obvious. Welcome back to the original
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self podcast. This is the last episode in the
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series before the rules, a psychology of food.
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And today we're finally answering the question
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that we asked in the beginning of the series,
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which was who were you before you were taught
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how to be around food? We'll get there by talking
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about how to actually tell hunger from just feeling
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comfort and about trusting yourself enough to
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stop keeping score. Today isn't about finding
0:59
another answer or another set of rules. It's
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about finding our way back to ourselves. It's
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about learning the difference between comfort
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and hunger and rebuilding trust in our own bodies.
1:15
I'd love it if our first thought were to remember
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that beneath every rule we've ever followed,
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there's always a person worth listening to. Trusting
1:25
ourselves isn't something we can just simply
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decide to have inside at all times. It's built
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over time. And by listening to this series, it's
1:37
a lot about knowing the possible why we instilled
1:41
or succumbed, basically, to the rules our entire
1:45
lives, and then trusting that we can live differently.
1:49
So the way I would define self -trust in the
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context of eating is Not believing every craving
1:57
is right, but it is believing your body's signals
2:01
are worth noticing before you dismiss them. It
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means listening instead of overriding on reflex.
2:10
It's staying curious about what you discover
2:14
instead of judging yourself afterward. See how
2:18
you flip that thought process, that perspective?
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Not judging yourself, but just staying curious
2:27
about what you discover of how you acted, what
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you just did. Throughout this series, we've seen
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that that trust gets worn down. Food engineered
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to override natural stopping points, systems
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with little interest and whether your appetite
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made any sense whatsoever, and patterns you inherited
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before you ever had a say? Over time, it's easy
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to believe the scale knows more than you do.
3:02
The meal knows more about you. That almost everything
3:08
outside yourself is a more reliable narrator
3:13
of hunger than your own mind is. So here's what
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I want to offer instead. There's a name for the
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part of you that can tell the difference when
3:24
given a chance. It's called Interceptive Awareness.
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It's a bit of a mouthful. But what it means is
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your ability to notice what's happening inside
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your own body. It could be feeling a full bladder,
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a tight chest, a hollow stomach, maybe even a
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wave of sadness disguised as a craving for something
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specific. The founders of intuitive eating, Evelyn
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Trebole and Elyse Resch, describe interoceptive
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awareness as something close to a superpower.
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Because it underlies so much of how we understand
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ourselves, like hearing or balance. It is a sense
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and it becomes sharper the more we pay attention
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to it. Picture a moment where you're standing
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in front of whatever you want, the refrigerator,
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the cupboard, the pantry, wherever you keep your
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desirable food. And just picture yourself standing
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there, looking at it, no particular plan. In
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that moment, two things are happening. One is
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your body's signal if you give it a chance to
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finish the sentence. The other is decades of
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noise layered over it telling you, You know,
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that that cupboard is either the enemy or the
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answer, when it's neither. This built -in awareness
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is simply the practice of waiting one extra beat,
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a pause, if you will, before deciding which voice
5:03
you just heard. That's the real subject of today's
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episode. Not a technique, not a seven -step plan.
5:10
Oh my God. It's a relationship you get to rebuild
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one honest check -in at a time. Here's a question
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I'd like you to consider. It doesn't have to
5:21
pertain to food or eating. It's maybe it was
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a decision you made at work or a read or judgment
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on a person that turned out to be correct or
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even a moment you knew something before you could
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explain how or why you knew it. So here's a question.
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Where in your life have you already learned to
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trust yourself? even if it's in a small way.
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Follow up question, what would it take to extend
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that same trust to how you eat? So after thinking
5:57
about that, let's get practical because I don't
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think trust means anything if you can't use it
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standing in front of that pantry at nine o 'clock
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at night or refrigerator, freezer, whatever you're
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standing in front of. Physical hunger and emotional
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hunger are often talked about as though they're
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really easy to tell apart. In theory, they should
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be. Physical hunger builds gradually. It's tied
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to how long it's been since you last ate, and
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it's usually satisfied by anything, a sandwich,
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a bowl of soup, whatever happens to be on hand.
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Emotional hunger is different. It arrives suddenly
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and it wants something very specific. And it
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rarely resolves the way physical hunger does
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because it's never really about the food. That's
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why you find yourself back in the kitchen looking
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for something that finally feels satisfying.
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There's also a difference in where each one seems
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to live in the body. Physical hunger tends to
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register low and quiet. so like a rumbling stomach,
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a dip in energy, trouble focusing. Emotional
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hunger often registers higher and louder tightness
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in your chest, a lump in your throat, or a pull
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toward one very specific food that no substitute
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will satisfy. It's the reason a breakup so reliably
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gets paired with a pint of ice cream in every
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rom -com movie you've ever seen. Nobody reaches
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for celery in those scenes because emotional
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hunger knows what it wants. It's rarely celery.
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I hate celery. Not even with peanut butter. But
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all joking aside, I want to add an important
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caveat. If you haven't eaten enough throughout
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the day, By the evening your body can produce
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something that feels a lot like emotional hunger
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urgency cravings for something calorie dense
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and specific Even a shift in your mood. That's
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where hangry comes from it is an evidence that
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you're an emotional eater, but But simply your
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body getting loud enough to be heard after being
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ignored since breakfast however Please don't
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mistake an underfed body for an emotional one.
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Along the same lines, I've spent a lot of time
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in this series talking about how the system profits
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from our appetite. But I don't want our conversation
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to misinterpret comfort foods as the enemy of
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all enemies. It isn't. Food is one of the most
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available forms of comfort we have. It's fast,
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reliable. It doesn't require anyone else's permission.
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Reaching for something soothing after a hard
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day, it's not evidence that something's broken.
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The concern is that when it's used as the only
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tool in the box, it becomes the default response
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for every uncomfortable feeling with nothing
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else within reach. or any thought of what is
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going on emotionally. So instead of another rule,
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here's a question to think about. It's not a
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test to pass or fail. It's just information.
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The same way that checking the weather is information
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rather than a moral judgment on whether you brought
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an umbrella with you today. When you notice yourself
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reaching for food, that pause, and asking yourself,
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would a full meal satisfy what I'm feeling? Or
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does only one very specific thing sound right?
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So the next time you reach for food, what do
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you imagine it would feel like to pause for one
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breath and ask that question? Not to change your
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choices, just to notice what you learned. Okay,
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so if interoceptive awareness is a sense that
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can be dulled and sharpened, The obvious question
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to me is, how do I sharpen it? The answer is
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the same way you get better at anything. Repetition,
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not insight. Not one breakthrough afternoon where
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everything suddenly clicks into place. Wouldn't
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that be rad? One accurate read of your body today
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doesn't undo years of ignoring its signals. And
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I personally find that reassuring. It means you
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don't have to get it right every single time
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for it to be working. There's one more piece
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of psychology that belongs right here, and that's
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self -compassion. Researcher Kristin Neff identifies
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three parts of self -compassion that changes
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the way we relate to ourselves, including around
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food. The first is self -kindness instead. of
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self -judgment, treating yourself the way you
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would treat someone you love. You've heard this
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before. The second is common humanity instead
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of isolation. Remembering that your struggle
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with anything isn't evidence that you're uniquely
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broken. It's evidence you're human. Living in
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a body and in a culture that made this difficult
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for almost everyone. And the third part is mindful
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awareness instead of over -identification, meaning
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that you're able to notice a craving without
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becoming it or without letting one moment turn
12:01
into a story about your character. I bring this
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up because I think self -compassion is what makes
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trust possible. You can't accurately hear a signal.
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you're already preparing to judge. Because if
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every craving is met with an internal courtroom,
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eventually you'll stop reporting them honestly,
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just as anyone stops telling the truth when they
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know they'll be punished for it. In practice,
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it looks much smaller than you would imagine.
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Notice what's happening in your body before you
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explain it, before you fix it, before you judge
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it. Just notice it. Think about how you build
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or rebuild trust between two people. It's rarely
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one grand gesture. It's usually small, consistent
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moments that slowly become a pattern. You don't
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have to train for the Olympic gold in interceptive
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awareness. Just try once, pause, listen. Maybe
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once this week, then try again. Here's another
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question for you. What is one small, repeatable
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way you could check in with your body today?
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As small as asking yourself, am I hungry? Am
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I thirsty? Am I upset? Am I totally bored? So
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let's bring this home. Eight episodes ago, we
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opened this series with one question. What happened
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to us around food? And I think we found a lot
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of answers. But those answers led to different
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questions. Like, who were you before you were
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taught how to be around food? I'm not asking
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you to remember some mythical version of yourself
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with a perfect relationship to food or some golden
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age before diet culture where everything was
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simple and easy. I don't believe anyone really
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lived there. What I'm asking about is something
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smaller. And I think... definitely more honest,
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before the rules, before the shame, before the
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noise. There was a version of you that was simply
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in conversation with your own body, hungry then
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not hungry, wanting something then satisfied.
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The capacity for conversation is the original
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self. This entire series has been circling. It
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was never a specific diet or a perfect set of
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behaviors. and relationships that have been damaged
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can also be repaired. Coming home then isn't
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returning to some flawless way of eating that
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never really existed. It's returning to a willingness
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to listen and just as importantly, a willingness
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to be wrong sometimes without believing that
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that says something about who you are. We all
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misread a signal occasionally. We'll reach for
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food when what we really need is rest or connection
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or five minutes of alone time. That's what being
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in an ongoing relationship with your body looks
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like. I'm going to close this series with something
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true in my own life. Today, what's different
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for me is that I don't feel at war with food
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anymore. I don't need to eat it all at one sitting.
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I don't feel trapped by cravings, food noise,
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or the belief that one choice determines my character.
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I don't spend my energy counting calories or
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trying to earn the right to eat. And that may
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sound dramatic, but it was true for so long that
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I didn't deserve to eat these things because
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of what they made me feel about who I was. Most
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of the time, I choose foods that nourish me most
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of the time. Sometimes I choose a snickerdoodle
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or a piece of pie, blueberry preferably. The
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difference is is that I no longer carry the guilt
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or the shame or truly the biggest emotion for
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me was the hopelessness that came with those
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choices. I've shared throughout this series that
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I take a GLP -1 medication. I don't want to pretend
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that it has nothing to do with this story I'm
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telling you now. It completely does. The medication
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has not done the work for me. But what it did
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do, as I've explained before, is it quieted the
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food noise enough for me to take that pause that
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I'm speaking about today. Because that pause
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changed everything for me. For the first time.
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I've had the space to ask why I was eating instead
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of simply reaching. That space has allowed me
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to become curious, to understand the psychology,
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to notice my patterns, and to begin changing
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them one small step at a time. Those small steps
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make me never want to vilify food again. What
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I trust now is that my body has something worth
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telling me. And if I just slow down long enough
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to listen, I can hear it. As I've aged, caring
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for my health has become one of the deepest priorities
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of my life. And understanding the why of my struggle
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with food, it's given me something I've never
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had before. Compassion for the person I used
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to be. but hope for the person I'm still becoming.
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I want to ask you the same question I've been
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asking myself for years. Who do you think you
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were before you were taught how to be around
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food? And what does coming home look like for
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you today? So here we are, the end of Before
18:18
the Rules, The Psychology of Food. Thank you
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so much for taking this journey with me. I hope
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you leave this series a little more curious.
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a lot more self -compassionate and trusting yourself
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a lot more than when you began. If that's happened
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even just a tiny bit, then I think we've done
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something worthwhile. Again, thank you for listening,
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for reflecting and for allowing me to be a part
18:45
of your journey. You can find all of my contact
18:47
information in this episode's notes. But until
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next time, take good care of yourself and have
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a great day. Thanks for watching!