Latest / Confident and Empowered Women / It’s Okay To Want Something Else | EP 335

Transcript

It’s Okay To Want Something Else | EP 335 · Confident and Empowered Women

0:05
Friend, what if nothing is terribly wrong with your life and you still want something else?
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Maybe the job is fine, the house is fine, the relationship might even be in a great space.
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You have things you once prayed for, worked for, things that past you would probably high-five you and say, "Girl, we did it."
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And present you is standing there like, yes, and is there another menu?
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Because maybe you don't want more.
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Maybe you don't need bigger, better, higher, faster, richer, or shinier.
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Maybe you simply want different.
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And sometimes that's harder to admit because there's nothing obvious to blame.
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No catastrophe or dramatic breakup.
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Nobody even flipped a table.
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Nothing has to be horribly wrong for something else to be right for you.
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So maybe the question isn't what's wrong with the life I have?
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Maybe it's what do I want now?
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So let's talk about it Welcome back, friend.
1:08
And if this is your first time here, hey, I'm Letitia, and this is where we talk about you, the woman underneath everything you do for everybody else.
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Every week, we are pulling back another layer, remembering who you are underneath the roles, expectations, people-pleasing, and life that has been lifin', building your self-love, strengthening your self-trust, and learning how to lead yourself forward one decision, one conversation,
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one, girl, be for real moment at a time.
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Because the goal around here is not for me to tell you how to live your life.
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It's to help you hear yourself clearly enough that you know how you want to live it.
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So if you like a little laughter with your life-changing conversations, friend, hit that subscribe button and come on in.
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We got plenty to talk about.
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This is the get-together you actually look forward to.
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So let's get into it Friend, you know how we do.
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We will wait until our life becomes unbearable before we give ourselves permission to change it.
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It's like something has to happen.
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The job has to become toxic.
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The relationship has to be on the brink of exploding.
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The business has to stop working.
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The city has to make us miserable.
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It's like we need evidence, exhibit A through Z with witnesses, supporting documentation, and maybe even a PowerPoint presentation.
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Because then we can explain ourselves.
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See, what had happened was, this right here is why I'm leaving.
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But what happens when you don't have to do that?
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What happens when the job isn't terrible, the relationship isn't toxic, the business still makes money, the life you built is actually good?
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What happens when your own explanation is I think I want something else.
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Oof.
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Listen, Because now you gotta trust something much quieter than the crisis, and that's desire, which can feel flimsy when you've been taught to make practical decisions.
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We know how to respond to pain.
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This hurts, so change it.
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But desire?
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I wonder what it would feel like to...
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And then suddenly we're suspicious.
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Why do you want that?
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What's wrong with this?
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Do you know how good you have it?
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Are you sure?
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And before you've even had five minutes to explain what you want, you've got your desire sitting underneath a bright light in an interrogation room.
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Where were you on the night of August 12?
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And why are you trying to disrupt this woman's 401?
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Friend, what if you let yourself want something before requiring yourself to justify it?
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This is so important because we start wanting something different.
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Sometimes we begin rewriting the story of what we already have so we can give ourselves permission to leave it.
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Suddenly, the career you've loved for 15 years was terrible.
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No, it wasn't.
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You loved it.
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Maybe you were even really good at it.
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It challenged you, paid you well.
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You met incredible people there.
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Maybe it gave you exactly what you needed during that season of your life, and you want something else now.
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Both can be true.
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The relationship may have been beautiful.
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The city may have been exactly where you needed to live.
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The business may have been your dream.
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That goal may have meant everything to you.
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You don't have to dishonor an old dream to make room for a new one.
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Sometimes the dream did exactly what it came to do.
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It carried you here, and maybe the woman who dreamed that dream isn't exactly the same woman anymore Of course she isn't.
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She lived, she loved, she lost some things.
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She learned even more things.
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She even tried some things.
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She even discovered that some of the things she thought she'd like, once she got there, she said, "Ma'am, no thank you."
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Such is life.
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How could you possibly know at 25 exactly what 35-year-old you would want?
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And how could 35-year-old you know everything 45-year-old you would value?
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You hadn't even met her yet.
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You haven't lived her life.
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So maybe past you wasn't wrong.
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Present you just has more information, new interest, likes, and sense of curiosity.
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And yes, sometimes you do want more.
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Let's not get scared of that word either.
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You might want more money, intimacy, freedom, adventure, creativity, more support, impact, pleasure, more life.
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And for the record, wanting more does not automatically make you greedy, ungrateful, impossible to satisfy, or one of those people who's always chasing the next thing.
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Sometimes you have genuinely expanded beyond what once fit you.
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Maybe you wanted stability because there was a season when stability was everything.
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You prayed for predictability, security.
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You prayed to know the bills were paid, and now you have that stability.
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Thank the heavens.
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And something in you wants freedom.
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Those are not contradictions.
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Maybe stability created enough safety for you to finally hear the next desire.
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Ooh, for real.
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We looking at preaching up in here today.
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Maybe the blessing you're standing in gave you the capacity to imagine beyond it.
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So no, gratitude and desire, they do not have to fight in the parking lot, okay?
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You can appreciate what you have and still want more.
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Gratitude says, "I appreciate what is."
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Desire says, "I'm paying attention to what may be next."
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Now this is where things really get interesting because sometimes what you want isn't more, it's less.
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You don't always want a bigger title.
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You want fewer meetings.
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You may not want the bigger house.
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You want the smaller place in the city where somebody else is responsible for the landscaping because you have officially withdrawn your name from consideration for the mulch.
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Ma'am, you have served, okay?
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maybe you don't wanna scale the business to 97 employees.
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Maybe you want a beautiful little business that makes excellent money, serves people you love working with, and allows you to close the laptop at 2:00.
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Maybe you don't want another promotion.
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Maybe you want to write.
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Maybe you don't want another achievement.
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You want mornings, slow ones.
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Maybe you wanna travel, have more dinners with people you love, or pick up your kids from school.
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Maybe you wanna fall in love or be single.
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Maybe you wanna move across the country or five minutes from your mama.
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Maybe you want a big, loud, expansive life.
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Maybe you want a quiet one.
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Different doesn't have a hierarchy.
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That's important because sometimes we've internalized this idea that growth must always look impressive from the outside.
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Bigger, more money, more followers, more responsibility, more accomplishments, more square footage.
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But expansion isn't always addition.
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Sometimes expansion looks like having enough relationship with yourself to say, I don't actually want that anymore, even when everybody else thinks you should.
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And this one will get you because what happens when you finally start achieving something and discover you don't wanna keep organizing your entire life around maintaining it?
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You worked so hard to get here.
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You climbed the ladder, built the career, created the thing.
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You earned the title, hit the goal, and now part of you is whispering, "Is this still what success means to me?"
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Girl.
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That question can shake the table.
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Because maybe there was a version of you who wanted to prove, "I can do it," and she did.
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Thank her, celebrate her, throw her the party, and get her some cake.
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Preferably whipped icing because we're not doing that buttercream foolishness over here.
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But whatever you prefer is fine, okay?
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But after you've proven you can, you get to ask whether you still want to.
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That's a completely different question.
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Being capable of something doesn't automatically make it your calling.
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Being good at something doesn't obligate you to do it forever.
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Being successful at something doesn't mean you're required to keep choosing it.
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And maybe your definition of success is changing.
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Maybe success used to mean, Look at what I built."
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And now success feels more like, "Look at how much of myself gets to exist inside of the life I built."
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Ooh, now that hits different And when it comes to that infamous, "But this is what I said I wanted," yes.
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Yes, it was, okay?
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Was.
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If you watch My Wife and Kids, you already know.
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And now maybe you want something else.
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Friend, changing your mind is not fraud, okay?
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You not gonna be under investigation because your preferences evolved.
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You are allowed to say, "I know.
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I said I wanted that, and I meant it when I said it."
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That's the part.
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You don't have to pretend you never wanted it.
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You did.
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You chose with the information, desires, values, capacity, and self-awareness you had at the time, and now you know more, more about life, the thing, maybe even more about yourself.
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So the question isn't, how do I force myself to keep wanting what I used to want?
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It's, what feels true for me now?
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And friend, that requires you to have a relationship with yourself in the present, not who you were 10 years ago or who everybody expects you to be, not the woman you announced you'd become in your five-year plan, okay?
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Just you today Now listen, because I already know somebody is about to hear this episode, close Spotify Walk into work and say, "Letitia said I can want something else.
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Here's my badge."
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No, ma'am.
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Don't put that on me, Ricky Bobby.
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Wanting something else does not automatically mean you immediately blow up your life, okay?
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This is where we use some discernment and self-leadership.
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Maybe your desire needs exploration before action.
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So get curious.
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What exactly do I want?
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Why does this appeal to me?
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What am I craving underneath it?
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What would it give me that I don't currently experience?
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Is there a way to experiment with this?
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Can I take a class, visit the city, start the project on weekends, talk to somebody doing the work, change one piece of my current life before changing all of it Can I gather information?
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Can I pray about it?
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Can I sit with it long enough to see whether it keeps returning?
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You don't need to turn every desire into a resignation letter or a sentence to serve for the rest of your days.
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Sometimes the first act of self-trust is simply allowing yourself to say, "I want something else," without immediately correcting yourself Now listen to how quickly we do this, okay?
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We will say something like, "I'd love to start my own business, but I have a good job.
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I want to travel more, but I should probably save the money.
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I think I'd love living somewhere else, but my family is here.
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I want more from this relationship, but they're such a good person.
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I'd love to take some time off, but what would I do?
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I don't think I want this anymore, but I worked so hard for it."
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Friend, sometimes the but is useful information.
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Absolutely.
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We have responsibilities, money matters, relationships and consequences should absolutely be taken into consideration But sometimes that little three-letter word becomes the bouncer standing outside of your own imagination.
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Desire comes up, "Hey, I was thinking maybe," but you're not on the list.
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Back of the line.
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And eventually you don't even finish the sentence.
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You stop letting yourself imagine.
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You stop asking, exploring.
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You start telling yourself what you should want before you've even admitted what you actually want.
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And over time You become disconnected from yourself because every time your voice starts talking, you talk over her And maybe you don't even know what you want yet, and that's okay too.
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Because maybe you're listening to this thinking, "Okay, well that's cute, Letitia.
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I don't even know what I want."
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Okay, then that's where you are.
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You don't need to force an answer.
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Maybe you just spent so much of your life making practical decisions that you haven't practiced desire in a while.
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What makes sense?
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What does everybody else need?
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What can we afford?
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What's responsible?
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What looks good?
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What's expected?
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What's the safest option?
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And those are real questions, but if they are the only questions you've asked in years, no wonder, "What do I want?"
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feels like somebody handing you the Final Jeopardy question, and now you're on stage and you're choked.
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Because if you ever sat with your granny and watched Final Jeopardy!
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and thought, "Why isn't she on this show?"
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And then imagine finally getting there and then choke.
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Oh my goodness.
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Friend, it is okay to start smaller.
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What do I enjoy?
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What am I curious about?
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What do I miss?
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What have I been thinking about lately?
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What gives me energy And this one right here.
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What have I quietly been jealous of?
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Not because I want somebody else's life, but because something about what they're experiencing is showing me something I want.
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What would I try if I knew I didn't have to keep doing it forever?
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What would make my life feel more like mine?
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You don't need the whole answer.
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You need to start hearing yourself again And friend, you already know faith matters deeply to me.
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I believe a desire keeps returning because there's something on the other side of it you're meant to explore That doesn't mean every random thought is divine instruction.
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Again, just because you see a white butterfly does not automatically equal resignation letter.
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But there are things that sit in your heart differently.
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They return.
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You pray about them, they return.
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You ignore them, they return.
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You convince yourself you should be satisfied, they return.
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And maybe the invitation isn't immediately, "Go do this."
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Maybe it's simply, "Pay attention."
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Maybe God, source, universe, whatever language connects you to something greater isn't giving you the whole map.
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Maybe you're getting a nudge, an opening, a curiosity, a desire, and you get to meet that guidance with discernment, not fear or recklessness.
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Discernment.
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Is this ego, escape, alignment?
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Is it growth, restlessness, A season ending or a new one beginning?
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What is the desire showing me?
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Because sometimes what looks like I want something else is actually the beginning of I'm discovering something else about myself I really wanna say this to you, especially if you feel guilty even imagining another life.
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You are not betraying her.
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You know, the one who worked so hard to get you here.
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She didn't work that hard so you could become trapped by what she built.
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She was trying to create possibilities for you.
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She made the best decisions she could and got you here.
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Thank her, love her, honor her, and then let present you participate in what happens next.
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Because maybe the greatest way to honor the woman who got you here is not to freeze yourself in her desires forever.
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Maybe it's to keep doing what she was trying to do all along, create a life that feels good to you.
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And what feels good may change.
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That's allowed Trust me, friend.
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I learned this in my own life when I got married, but for real this time.
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Four years, I wanted to have more kids, marry my forever husband, and have more children.
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That was the goal.
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Well, since it took a decade and some change for that to happen, that time, my kids were on the back nine, and I was so close to the finish line of being done.
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I didn't wanna start over.
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Friend, I could literally taste the freedom.
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And I got a lot of questions about it.
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Soon as the wedding talk would come, so would the infamous questions.
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"So you guys are having more kids, right?"
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And it seemed to surprise so many when I said no.
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Now previously, never in a million years did I see myself getting married and that being all I wanted.
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But friend, let me tell you, things change.
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I changed, and what I thought I wanted once upon a time wasn't wrong.
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It was just no longer what I wanted.
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I remember my godmom telling me, "You know, there's other things to do in life other than raise kids."
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And baby, that was a word, okay?
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Now, I had never really thought of it that way, but when she said it, it just felt right in my spirit.
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You are allowed to change.
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You are allowed to want something else, and it gets to be that simple Friend, if you are listening to this thinking, "Okay, I know there's something in me, but I don't quite know what it is yet," that is
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exactly where the main character energy journal prompts can support you.
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Because sometimes you don't need somebody else giving you another answer.
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You need better questions, a quiet minute, a blank page, and enough space to hear yourself.
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The prompts are designed to help you get back in conversation with yourself, what you want, what you believe, and what you're ready to leave behind and who you wanna be in your own life.
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I'll put the link in the show notes so you can grab yours Okay, friend, let's go ahead and make this real in your own life.
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Here is our self-love two-step remix.
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Step one, let yourself want it.
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No plan, no explanation, no PowerPoint presentation, or college dissertation.
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Just finish this sentence.
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If I didn't have to justify it, I would let myself want...
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And then don't judge the answer.
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Don't immediately figure out what's practical.
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Don't start calling the committee, just listen.
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What came up?
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Was it more or less?
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or something completely unexpected?
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Let yourself hear you.
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And step two, get curious instead of critical.
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So instead of asking, "Why would I want that?"
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Try, "What might this desire be telling me?"
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What's underneath it?
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Freedom?
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Rest?
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Creativity?
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Is it connection, adventure, security, expression, love?
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Maybe you don't actually need the exact thing you imagined.
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Maybe it's pointing you towards a feeling or a need that hasn't had enough room in your life.
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So get curious.
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And for this you step, give one desire some air.
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That's it.
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Don't make it prove itself.
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No five-year plan required.
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Don't announce it to everybody.
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You don't even have to act on it yet.
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Just spend some time with it.
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Journal about it.
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Pray about it.
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Research it.
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Imagine it.
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Try something connected to it, and notice what happens inside of you when you stop telling yourself you shouldn't want what you want And if this is one of your favorite self-love two-step remix that I've ever given you, stay
25:03
tuned because I'm creating an experience just for you called Back to You, and I know you're gonna absolutely love it.
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Now, let me pour into you real quick maybe your life is good.
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Maybe you have so much to be grateful for.
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You could be standing inside of something you once prayed for.
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That's beautiful.
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Honor it.
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Enjoy that.
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Be present for that.
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And if something inside you keeps whispering, "I think I want something else," you don't have to silence her in the name of gratitude.
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Maybe you want more, maybe you want less, different, or you don't even know exactly what you want yet.
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That's okay.
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You are allowed to keep discovering yourself.
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You're allowed to evolve beyond an old dream without disrespecting it You are allowed to change your definition of success.
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You're allowed to say, "That was right for me then.
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This feels right for me now."
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And you don't have to blow up your life tomorrow to honor that truth.
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Sometimes honoring yourself begins much more quietly.
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You hear yourself, and that's it.
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You stop interrupting or immediately following every desire with a but.
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You let yourself wonder, imagine.
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You let yourself be curious about who you are now.
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Because friend, you are still here growing, learning.
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There's still parts of you that you haven't met yet.
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There are still experiences you've never had.
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You get to contradict your old self and be okay with it.
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There are still people you've never met, places you've never been, dreams you haven't dreamed yet because you haven't lived the day that's going to inspire them.
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Listen, your life is not a contract you signed 20 years ago agreeing to want the same things forever.
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You get to participate in it.
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You get to listen, choose, and choose again.
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And maybe nothing is wrong with the life that you have.
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This isn't about escaping it.
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Maybe there's simply more in you asking to be experienced.
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It could be more or just something else.
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And friend, it's okay to want that.
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So come back to you.
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Listen to you.
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Let yourself want what you want, and when you're ready, Lead yourself towards whatever comes next Friend, look at you doing your work and everything.
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Go ahead, tilt that crown, shoulders back.
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Beautiful posture, nice and tall.
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Take a deep breath in and let it out.
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Really go long on that exhale.
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Now take the next step knowing you've got you, and I'll meet you right back here in the next episode.
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Until next time, friend, keep coming back to you