Latest / The Dr. Psych Mom Show with clinical psychologist Dr. Samantha Rodman Whiten / What Dopamine-Releasing Things Are You "Addicted" To In The Way Your Husband Is "Addicted" To Sex?

Transcript

What Dopamine-Releasing Things Are You "Addicted" To In The Way Your Husband Is "Addicted" To Sex? · The Dr. Psych Mom Show with clinical psychologist Dr. Samantha Rodman Whiten

• 0:05
  Hi everybody and welcome to the Doctor Psych Mom Show.
• 0:08
  Today we're going to be talking about what substances you are
• 0:12
  addicted to, the way that you act like your husband is
• 0:14
  addicted to sex. And before we get to that,
• 0:19
  because I'm sure everybody is saying I'm not addicted to
• 0:21
  anything, but that bastard is addicted to sex and I have proof
• 0:26
  he wants it all the time. But before we get to that, you
• 0:31
  know, logical. Conundrum.
• 0:35
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• 0:39
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• 0:43
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• 0:51
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• 1:02
  that by subscribing. But if that $9 is too expensive,
• 1:06
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• 1:08
  plenty of people about these issues for only 499 a month.
• 1:13
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• 1:16
  obviously working with me or one of the people at my practice,
• 1:19
  that you can get more than just the free content and more info,
• 1:23
  more help, more, you know, just hanging out and learning.
• 1:29
  All right, So what do I mean by addicted?
• 1:31
  So. A lot of women act like the
• 1:34
  husband is a sex addict. Now, some dudes are sex addicts.
• 1:37
  I work with some guys who are sex addicts, right.
• 1:39
  It's pretty different than what, like, Jane, average woman thinks
• 1:44
  a sex addict is. So a sex addict is not a guy who
• 1:46
  wants to have sex. So it's not a guy who wants to
• 1:49
  have sex any amount of times. Like, I mean, maybe like, you
• 1:52
  know, like. 10 times a day. Yeah, sure.
• 1:55
  Okay, maybe that criterion by itself.
• 1:57
  But if he's a young guy, you know, I mean, it's not what
• 2:00
  differentiate. So it's like this, like a coke
• 2:03
  addict to cocaine is not somebody who likes coke.
• 2:07
  It's just not. It's somebody who has a
• 2:10
  dependence on it, and that Coke has disrupted their life in some
• 2:16
  way, does not allow them to show up at work as a parent, as a
• 2:21
  provider, and they have levels of dependence on it.
• 2:23
  So even if it isn't physiological dependence, they
• 2:26
  could be like a a binge. You know, like like with
• 2:30
  drinking, it could be a binge drinker or a problem drinker, or
• 2:33
  you could be an alcoholic. That's physiologically dependent
• 2:36
  and needs it every day. Both of those are bad.
• 2:38
  Both of those are super bad. So, like, I'm not going to
• 2:40
  quibble, you know, maybe your husband then has problematic
• 2:43
  sexual behaviors. That still we'll talk about what
• 2:47
  those may be, but that still would not mean he's a sex
• 2:50
  addict. What a sex addict would be is a
• 2:52
  guy who will do anything for sex that using porn or trying to get
• 2:57
  sex or sleeping with escorts or trying to have sex with other
• 3:03
  people. So cheating on you or or even
• 3:05
  trying to force you into having sex comprises this super huge
• 3:08
  part of the day. Most days that he's trying to
• 3:12
  cajole and coax and and even force and guilt.
• 3:15
  Trip you into having sex. That he is a guy that says like
• 3:18
  if you kiss him and he gets hard, then you need to have sex
• 3:22
  with him right now because otherwise that's not fair.
• 3:26
  Unless he's like 20 years old in which he should still be in
• 3:28
  therapy. If he's 20 years old and he says
• 3:30
  that, so should you though because you're probably not 20
• 3:32
  years old and way older so you shouldn't be dating that guy,
• 3:36
  but but if a guy is using any sort of emotional or physical
• 3:41
  force. That he's obviously whether it's
• 3:44
  a problematic sexual behavior or it's addiction, is just very
• 3:47
  bad. Definitely should get into
• 3:50
  counseling ASAP if if he's doing that.
• 3:52
  But here's what's not and this is the majority of men that I
• 3:55
  see wanting sex that is not sex addiction.
• 4:01
  Just like wanting to drink on a weekend would not be or or even
• 4:06
  wanting to drink every time you see a drink you say that would
• 4:10
  that would be nice. What the problem would be is if
• 4:13
  you're like, that would be nice and I have to get up for work
• 4:15
  tomorrow, but I'm going to do it anyway and I'm going to have
• 4:16
  like five of those, you know, not like that would be nice.
• 4:20
  But I need to do that now and I'm going to do something that's
• 4:23
  very disruptive to my life and dysfunctional and is going to
• 4:26
  hurt me overall in the long term or my relationships with people.
• 4:30
  And I need it and it's an escape for me and I can't live without
• 4:36
  it, even in this moment. That is a problem, you know,
• 4:40
  whether it's an addiction, physiological.
• 4:42
  Physically or it's problematic behavior doesn't really matter.
• 4:44
  That's the problem. But now let's think about it,
• 4:47
  right? So a lot of women are saying,
• 4:49
  yeah, my husband's addicted to sex because he wants sex every
• 4:52
  day. Now, the older that I work with
• 4:54
  guys, the smarter they are, the fewer and fewer them say I want
• 4:58
  sex every day because they're like, that's a very poor
• 5:01
  negotiation strategy. She's going to become
• 5:03
  overwhelmed. I think that's bullshit, by the
• 5:05
  way. I think that in a healthy
• 5:06
  relationship, you should be able to say what you want.
• 5:09
  Doesn't mean you're going to get it, but at least the person
• 5:11
  knows what they're. Working with So I have talked
• 5:13
  about that on podcast. So there's some women that are
• 5:15
  like, I don't know what his problem is.
• 5:16
  He says he would just want sex like once a week, and we do it
• 5:19
  once a month. So like, you know, that's pretty
• 5:21
  good. And turns out he wants sex like
• 5:24
  3 * a week. Like most dudes you know, at
• 5:26
  least. And they're having sex once a
• 5:28
  month. That's very bad.
• 5:29
  That's not a good compromise, right?
• 5:31
  But all right. That's like another aside.
• 5:33
  So you should definitely be honest about what you want so
• 5:35
  the person even knows how big of a sacrifice you're already
• 5:39
  making anyway, you know? The point is, so there's these
• 5:42
  women that that say this and then they don't think about the
• 5:44
  stuff that they need every day, like stuff that's an actual
• 5:47
  addiction. So there's people who are
• 5:49
  addicted to drinking wine every single night and, like, get
• 5:52
  really agitated if they don't have it.
• 5:54
  There's people who are addicted to coffee.
• 5:57
  And need to have coffee. Literally, I need to have coffee
• 5:59
  every day. There's people who have
• 6:01
  chocolate every single day. Now on the realm where it's not
• 6:04
  addiction but just a substance that you really get, you know,
• 6:07
  like into. There's people.
• 6:09
  Most people have special foods that they like and that are
• 6:13
  treats to them. A lot of people are pretty
• 6:15
  addicted to sugar of some sort like a dessert or something at
• 6:19
  night, you know, And then these women use that to self regulate.
• 6:24
  Or exercise, man. There's a lot of exercise
• 6:27
  addicts truly who have to do it every day, or else they are
• 6:30
  basically in a horrible, irritable mood and it releases
• 6:34
  dopamine. And it's one of the quote
• 6:36
  healthier addictions. So they don't see it as such.
• 6:38
  But it still is basically anything where if you can't skip
• 6:41
  it for a day, it's going to be a problem for you and you become
• 6:45
  intolerable. It's pretty much an addiction,
• 6:47
  you know? But in in it, in at least the
• 6:50
  way that we're saying it now, you know in at least the way
• 6:53
  that you're not like depend, well, you are dependent on
• 6:57
  caffeine, you dependent of people, vape, you get dependent
• 6:59
  on that, obviously. People do get dependent on
• 7:02
  sugar, so really it's not too fine a point to say that it's
• 7:05
  pretty addictive and so they're actually are dependent on mood
• 7:09
  altering substances. And of course the myriad people
• 7:13
  that take Ssri's like Prozac, Zoloft, any sort of psychotropic
• 7:17
  medication, Truly you do have to take that every day.
• 7:20
  No judgment. Certainly anybody should use
• 7:23
  anything that helps them not be depressed or anxious, especially
• 7:26
  if you have kids and you know you want to live your life 100%,
• 7:29
  but. A woman who, let's say, uses
• 7:32
  Zoloft, a glass of wine at night, chocolate in the
• 7:36
  afternoon, coffee in the morning, coffee again at 11:00
• 7:40
  AM has to make spin class every Saturday.
• 7:43
  We'll turn around and tell her husband you should not need sex
• 7:48
  so much. It's not healthy that you use
• 7:52
  that, that you're irritable if you don't have sex.
• 7:54
  That's not normal. It's not normal that I think
• 7:56
  that means you're a sex addict if you don't get laid every.
• 8:00
  Three to four days you act like an asshole and you know what
• 8:04
  That is unnatural. And that is really honestly
• 8:08
  makes me uncomfortable. Today's big word uncomfortable
• 8:12
  means like man, you're on thin ice, can't make anybody
• 8:17
  uncomfortable so and and really have 00 selfawareness.
• 8:22
  So that's what this podcast is really about.
• 8:24
  It's like if you you know like don't throw stones if you live
• 8:28
  in a glass house, whatever the hell that is or.
• 8:30
  Hot calling the kettle black. There's myriad, you know,
• 8:33
  cliches that apply. But if you are dependent on
• 8:38
  anything that releases dopamine, whether it's chocolate or
• 8:42
  exercise, or calling your mother for the people lucky enough that
• 8:46
  that releases dopamine and not just cortisol, you know, then
• 8:50
  then fucking why is it different?
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  Why is it different that he would want literally the
• 8:55
  activity that perpetuates our species?
• 8:57
  That of course, he's hardwired evolutionary.
• 9:00
  Barely to 1:00 because he's a male mammal.
• 9:03
  Like why? Why is it better or more normal
• 9:07
  that you can't talk to anybody till you have your coffee?
• 9:10
  Which no judgment totally. I like to have my coffee too.
• 9:15
  Super. But then also not see that of
• 9:19
  course regular sexual activity would be a total mood regulator
• 9:24
  for him as well. You know, there's people who
• 9:27
  say, like, I need my weekly massage and judge a husband for
• 9:31
  wanting sex every week. That's like, literally nuts,
• 9:34
  right? Because it's like pretty much
• 9:35
  the same thing. It's like a pleasurable physical
• 9:39
  experience that provides comfort and release, right?
• 9:44
  So. The point is this.
• 9:46
  So you got to really look at yourself before you judge
• 9:49
  somebody else. If you're going to call somebody
• 9:51
  a sex addict, make sure first of all that they're an actual sex
• 9:55
  addict. Which means you look up what a
• 9:56
  sex addict is and you listen to me tell you that it's somebody
• 9:59
  who basically cannot live without it and does very
• 10:02
  problematic behaviors to get it and has been forcing, trying to
• 10:06
  guilt trip or force you into something that you do not want
• 10:10
  to do. Now the average guy is not doing
• 10:12
  anything like that. And I have this in my post about
• 10:16
  marital coercion is not when your husband is upset that he
• 10:18
  doesn't have sex. Like, that's that's not a thing.
• 10:21
  You know, Marital coercion is what he's like.
• 10:23
  Come on, come on. You touch me now.
• 10:25
  It's hard. Now we got to do it.
• 10:26
  Are you going to be a Good Wife? Are you going to, you know, like
• 10:29
  other other women would love this, you know, I mean, maybe I
• 10:31
  should just go on Tinder. That guy is a douchebag, right?
• 10:35
  And probably some form of a sex addict.
• 10:37
  If he has to watch porn and jerk off every single day.
• 10:40
  He's a porn addict. You know, if he cannot go
• 10:43
  without it, even when he's like going to visit his parents, you
• 10:46
  know he's still got to, like, bring it out and jerk off in his
• 10:48
  old childhood bedroom. Yeah, he's a porn addict.
• 10:51
  You know, it's like that. He's got to do it.
• 10:54
  But then again. Do you have to have coffee even
• 10:57
  when you visit his parents? Probably twice as much, right?
• 11:00
  I mean, do you have to have it every single day of your life?
• 11:02
  So a lot of my point is understanding yourself and what
• 11:06
  you struggle with can make you so much of A better partner to
• 11:10
  your partner. So if you say, well, you know
• 11:13
  what? If I think about it, the things
• 11:14
  that release dopamine for me, texting on the group chat,
• 11:18
  that's prosocial. Well, I mean, sex is, as I said,
• 11:22
  perpetuates our species. It's about as natural a dopamine
• 11:26
  releaser as you could get. Even more natural than you group
• 11:30
  texting your friends, you know, so which is also a big part of
• 11:34
  being a mammal. You know, watch these shows
• 11:36
  people watch like Meerkat Manor and chimp empire and it looks
• 11:39
  just like us because we are all mammals.
• 11:42
  And they have sex on Chimp Empire.
• 11:45
  They do, but it probably on Meerkat Manor too.
• 11:48
  I just don't think they they film it.
• 11:50
  But the the point is you got to understand what you struggle
• 11:54
  with so that you don't come off like a, you know, judgmental
• 11:58
  asshole. And people could be judgmental
• 12:00
  assholes of either gender obviously.
• 12:02
  And so a different conversation could be or or an epiphany could
• 12:06
  be for him. Sex must be like coffee,
• 12:11
  chocolate, yoga, scrolling on Instagram, having the special
• 12:19
  food that I like in the house. Whatever.
• 12:23
  What the fuck ever it is, you know, like for him, that's what
• 12:26
  sex is. That is a dopamine releasing
• 12:30
  activity that he wants to have basically as frequently as
• 12:34
  possible. Because if I think about it, you
• 12:36
  would continue in your head if chocolate was calorie free, man,
• 12:40
  I would eat it all fucking day, wouldn't I?
• 12:43
  Yeah, I would, you know. And so that's what he would do
• 12:47
  if like we had no jobs and he had no refractory period, he
• 12:51
  would just have sex all day, you know?
• 12:53
  And there, I remember now if we did that sort of thing, or at
• 12:57
  least he really wanted to during the dating phase.
• 12:59
  And you know, I never really thought about it as something
• 13:02
  that is just kind of a natural activity that releases dopamine
• 13:05
  similar to the ones that I like. Like my glass of wine every
• 13:09
  night or something like that. Incidentally, if you do have to
• 13:12
  have a glass of wine every single night, that's not
• 13:15
  wonderful, you know, and I've I've.
• 13:17
  Written and and talked about, you know the when people use
• 13:21
  eating and drinking as a coping tool.
• 13:23
  And I have a podcast I think that has that title so you can
• 13:25
  go look for that. But anyway, I just got to say
• 13:29
  that. But the the point is this.
• 13:31
  If you cannot skip an activity without being an asshole or
• 13:35
  acting out horribly, then yeah, you are at least psychologically
• 13:41
  addicted to that substance if not physiologically.
• 13:45
  If your husband cannot go a day without having sex or jerking
• 13:49
  off to porn without being a complete asshole and bringing
• 13:53
  everybody into his misery and storming around the house, fuck
• 13:57
  up. Bring him into.
• 13:57
  I mean, you're not, but bring him into couples counseling,
• 14:00
  right? Because he's behaving
• 14:01
  abominably. However, if your husband goes
• 14:05
  many days and then seems to get much more amorous and cuddly,
• 14:10
  and then if you reject him, feels, gets.
• 14:15
  A little bit. Not really seen by the children
• 14:17
  or anything, but kind of sad and sulky for the rest of the night
• 14:22
  and then it's kind of OK in the morning.
• 14:24
  And this has been going on for like, you know, 5 to 10 years.
• 14:28
  Well, shit. I mean, like, how would you do
• 14:30
  if you only got to have your coffee every three to four days?
• 14:33
  Wouldn't you be, like, a real bitch?
• 14:35
  I mean, I would be right? So, like, if you wouldn't get to
• 14:39
  have your thing and somebody's obstructing you from getting
• 14:42
  your thing, the only person you're allowed to do your thing
• 14:45
  with, and your thing is a dopamine releaser and a mood
• 14:48
  regulator, well then, like, you're going to get real
• 14:51
  resentful if your husband, like, fucking hid the coffee pot every
• 14:54
  day. Or the chocolate or the wine or
• 14:59
  your access to spin class or whatever.
• 15:02
  You would hate him, right? You would actually hate him.
• 15:05
  So you probably wouldn't stay married to him.
• 15:07
  So it's kind of the same here Now should.
• 15:10
  Now that some women will say, yeah, that's well and good, but
• 15:13
  my husband, you don't understand what it's like to have sex with
• 15:16
  him. It's like having sex with like,
• 15:18
  you know, a robot. He's it's totally not about me.
• 15:21
  He is literally using sex as a substance only.
• 15:25
  So there's so this would be the equivalent of, like, if you were
• 15:29
  on vacation with your husband and you're in Italy and he's
• 15:32
  like, oh, why don't we go out to a cafe to get your coffee?
• 15:35
  You're like, fuck you. You're like chewing the instinct
• 15:38
  coffee, you know, granules out of the Ziploc bag that you
• 15:42
  packed from home because you need your caffeine infusion
• 15:44
  immediately and screw him and you cannot absorb your substance
• 15:48
  in any sort of prosocial way. You would be a lunatic, right?
• 15:51
  So then your husband is doing that same thing.
• 15:53
  So you so in this. Case you would be saying, all
• 15:56
  right, cool, let's bond and engage in your dopamine
• 15:59
  releasing activity together, which can actually release some
• 16:02
  dopamine for me as well. Here I am, let's look, look at
• 16:05
  me like, let's engage, Let's have like a nice encounter with
• 16:08
  foreplay and touching and say we love each other and look at each
• 16:13
  other or whatever, and instead he's just like fucking like
• 16:16
  basically as though he has a real doll, you know?
• 16:19
  Then you definitely need couples therapy and sex therapy
• 16:23
  probably, but at least couples therapy so that you could talk
• 16:26
  about why you don't want to have sex with him.
• 16:27
  Because in that situation you don't want to have sex with him
• 16:30
  because it's not a healthy situation.
• 16:32
  It's like if you were trying to regulate your mood with your
• 16:34
  evening walk and instead of your evening walk being like 45
• 16:39
  minutes and the kids could come, you had to do like a three hour
• 16:42
  hike every night and you were leaving your husband alone.
• 16:45
  He'd be like, that's not a mood regulator.
• 16:47
  That is an escape that has nothing to do with the family
• 16:49
  and it's very selfish. Well, same for your sex life.
• 16:52
  That if he is not trying and this is rare.
• 16:56
  Super rare for the guys that I see.
• 16:58
  Then again, every man I see in therapy is definitionally a man
• 17:02
  who comes into therapy, so he's more open minded than average.
• 17:06
  But there's women listening to this that are like, my husband
• 17:08
  refuses to go to therapy and he fucks like a rabbit and he
• 17:12
  doesn't make any eye contact. And if he doesn't do that every
• 17:15
  other day, he's a super huge asshole.
• 17:16
  And you know what he did do some of those, you know, nasty guilt
• 17:19
  tripping remarks. And even on that week that my
• 17:22
  mother died, he still wanted to have sex like 3:00 to 4:00.
• 17:26
  Times. Well, you know what?
• 17:28
  This is not the average situation.
• 17:30
  You got to go back to my podcast about when your boyfriend is a
• 17:32
  jerk and what to do if you're attracted to jerks.
• 17:35
  My stuff on over functioning, my stuff on codependency, my stuff
• 17:40
  basically on when your husband is an asshole.
• 17:42
  Because in that situation, this sex addiction, whatever the hell
• 17:46
  it is, it's the least of your problems.
• 17:48
  It's coming in under the rubric of He is a tremendous asshole,
• 17:51
  probably had childhood trauma if he treats people like shit and
• 17:55
  you are letting them do. To it.
• 17:56
  So you definitely need your own therapy with somebody you know,
• 18:01
  with a not dissimilar style for myself, quite honestly who can
• 18:04
  call it out, you know and be like you don't really.
• 18:07
  You shouldn't be in this. You don't deserve this.
• 18:09
  Get this man into couples counseling immediately.
• 18:11
  Why do you put up with this shit?
• 18:13
  I mean or honestly go to anybody could go to somebody who listens
• 18:18
  to you cry for a year before saying that, but that's a year
• 18:20
  of your time and your money out the window.
• 18:22
  But anyway, the the point being most guys are not like that.
• 18:26
  And certainly no mail that's listening to this is like that.
• 18:29
  So now guys are going to be like, oh, this so awesome, Such
• 18:33
  good analogy. You know what?
• 18:34
  Who? You know who's going to really
• 18:35
  appreciate it for the first time ever despite never having
• 18:38
  previously appreciated any of Doctor Psych Mom's podcast?
• 18:42
  My wife, man, I just can't wait to e-mail her this one.
• 18:45
  Listen, don't be stupid. What's the definition of
• 18:48
  insanity, right? Don't e-mail her my shit if she
• 18:51
  doesn't like it right. Don't do that.
• 18:53
  Why would you do that? You were having a relatively
• 18:55
  good day up. Until now, so don't ruin it.
• 18:58
  Instead, instead, why don't you just use this?
• 19:01
  Fuck the analogy. She's not going to like the
• 19:03
  analogy, right? It calls her out.
• 19:06
  If you're a man listening to this, you're in a situation
• 19:08
  where your wife would not want to be called out and anything
• 19:11
  resembling something that could be considered an embarrassing
• 19:15
  way. Because emotionally avoided
• 19:17
  women are tend to be the ones in sexless marriages.
• 19:19
  So consider this instead a Clarion wake up call to get her
• 19:24
  finally into couples counseling. Because maybe it could be a
• 19:27
  little motivating to you to say, yeah, you know what, that is
• 19:30
  fucking unfair because she does have coffee every morning, she
• 19:33
  does have wine every night, and in between she quote needs to
• 19:36
  relax in this way that involves not me, you know, ever
• 19:41
  romantically and everything is kind of on her timeline and I've
• 19:45
  just enabled. The same as the woman does in
• 19:47
  the inverse scenario. Men too can be enablers, and
• 19:50
  I've just enabled basically a extremely imbalanced dynamic to
• 19:57
  take hold and to be maintained over years, in which her need
• 20:02
  for dopamine is more than mine. Her need for any sort of mood
• 20:07
  regulating activity. Trump's mind.
• 20:09
  And her need for lack of connection.
• 20:12
  Trump's my need for connection, which is truly the the summary
• 20:15
  statement of the whole thing. All right, so again, couples
• 20:20
  counseling can help people in these dynamics.
• 20:22
  I've seen it happen. Honestly, at the very least,
• 20:25
  hearing somebody say that things are not exactly how they think
• 20:29
  of it for anybody who's remotely in the realm of emotionally
• 20:33
  healthy. Is, you know, really, really
• 20:37
  valid info that they, even if at first they don't like it, they
• 20:41
  kind of take it because some people are like really you have
• 20:44
  people that sleep more with their husbands after they work
• 20:46
  with you? Yeah.
• 20:47
  Yeah, I do. Because they just never really
• 20:49
  thought about it. Like, however before, like
• 20:52
  whatever. The explanation is whether they
• 20:54
  never understood that love is like that sex is like love for
• 20:57
  men or is it an expression of connection if they didn't really
• 21:01
  understand that kind of things always really do go their way in
• 21:05
  the emotional relationship slash sexual relationship, and that
• 21:09
  does not really dovetail with their larger beliefs about
• 21:11
  equality and equity in the world.
• 21:13
  You know, there are myriad ways that people can have epiphanies.
• 21:18
  You know, but this one can be an epiphany for the women that are
• 21:20
  listening. You know, like if if I need a
• 21:22
  dopamine regulating substance, sometimes something prescribed
• 21:26
  literally for that purpose or really for serotonin and all of
• 21:30
  them, you know, then why would I judge him for something that
• 21:33
  improves his general well-being and mood and just kind of his
• 21:38
  day so much? And of course I too should be
• 21:44
  updating. The same sort of pleasure,
• 21:47
  dopamine, etcetera from that sexual encounter.
• 21:50
  And if I'm not, then I gotta teach him how to be a better
• 21:52
  lover. In which case, refer back to my
• 21:54
  zillion podcasts on that teaching him about female
• 21:56
  arousal, Oral sex. Which podcast about oral sex is
• 22:00
  not just about oral sex, It includes that a lot of women
• 22:02
  don't like oral sex and what to do instead.
• 22:06
  But anyway, so so yeah, so your husband.
• 22:10
  The the best upshot of listening to this would be to say, yeah,
• 22:13
  you know what, Like I should actually think about having sex
• 22:16
  a little bit more if that's really how he thinks about it.
• 22:19
  This wonderful thing. That's a mood regulator as well,
• 22:21
  as she said in 1000 previous podcasts, a source of connection
• 22:25
  within the marriage itself. So, but I'm going to try to make
• 22:28
  it a mood regulator for me too. By telling him how the
• 22:31
  importance of foreplay and the importance of massage and the
• 22:35
  importance of kissing and the importance of him brushing his
• 22:38
  teeth before the kissing and all the various things that would
• 22:42
  make this into an activity that maybe I look forward to too.
• 22:45
  You know, so that at night we aren't just, you know, he has a
• 22:48
  beer, I have wine and we scroll on our phones, but maybe we
• 22:51
  could just go upstairs and have sex.
• 22:52
  Wouldn't that be so much more, you know, connecting and
• 22:56
  healthy? Yeah, it would.
• 22:57
  It really would. All right guys.
• 22:59
  Went a little bit over on this because it is such an important
• 23:02
  topic and I will talk to everybody soon.
• 23:04
  Please do subscribe to hear whatever my next episode is.
• 23:07
  Bye, bye.