Latest / From Sad Pick Me Girl to Alchemist / Episode 18 - What If You Were Never Meant to Have a Happily Ever After?

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Episode 18 - What If You Were Never Meant to Have a Happily Ever After? · From Sad Pick Me Girl to Alchemist

• Denise: Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of from Sad Pic Me Girl to Alchemist. Today I am so excited to have Roan here and I will explain a little bit about what she does. She's an entrepreneurial coach, but I will let her touch more in depth on exactly what that means. But I wanted to explain why I have her on the podcast and how it ties to self-love. And As I had mentioned in previous episodes, I put out a calling for healers to speak to healers and bring them to the forefront here because I found the will to live and my purpose through meeting with various healers that all provided a vast amount of modalities that the modalities are seriously endless when it comes to spiritual modalities and what you can do to heal. And there's no wrong way. I just learned through trial and error what worked for me. And so when I spoke to Roan, we connected on some of the parallels in our lives, specifically with not wanting to be alive when it comes to the severity of the traumas that you're dealing with. And I This is a huge topic for me because it's not something that I always talked about and it's something that I grappled with the entirety of my life and it got worse and worse and it got to the point where I couldn't ignore it and I knew that if I didn't do something, I was eventually just going to throw in the towel because it does get to that point. And Roan also reached that point and that's where I feel there was a definite connection, as you all know. I deeply believe that we have soul family and souls that we contract to meet in this lifetime and I feel that here as well. And it's no coincidence. I don't believe in coincidences with timing. I believe we meet people at the right time. And when we follow the path that our soul wants us to follow for our highest good, we start to meet those souls that really fulfill us and really align with our stories. So with that, Rona, let you take the wheel and introduce yourself and what you do and anything else you might like to share. Rohne: Sure. Thank you, Denise. thank you for having me on this podcast. It's a pleasure, and I'm so looking forward to having this conversation, however, it flows. And yes, I'm known as the silent emotional crisis expert in my coaching circle, and I also choose to I know primarily work with entrepreneurs. it's just over a period of time I have come to that niche organically, and I'm also the author of real. My first book, my memoir from rock bottom to unconditional love. It just got published a couple of months ago and it's available on Amazon. So yeah, I'm here to talk about, you know, my journey and whatever you're curious about. I'm happy to dive into those topics and talk more about it. Denise: Amazing. I think that one of the biggest things I want to touch on because as I share my stories, I encounter people who are feeling very powerless. And what I hear often is I wasn't destined for happiness. I think this is just it's too late for me. I'm not gonna find the way. And though I can show the way, I it takes that person wanting to make a decision or really deciding that it's for them. So what do you have to say to people that feel that? Because I think that's a common sentiment and I even felt that at some points that I was just destined for unhappiness. I wasn't destined to find love. I was destined to live this caged life. And so what are your thoughts on that? Rohne: Yeah, I mean I agree with you that a lot of us feel like this, right? The exact sentiments that you just shared. and I felt the same things, you know, when I was younger. The thing is, we are fed all these things, we absorb all these things by the movies we watch, all these stories, you know, romantic stories, and we buy into it. We buy into that dream that these corporations are selling us, you know, that there is a happily ever after a princess going to Come, you know, right from the what do you say? the Disney books, and again, I don't want to kind of say only Disney, but all the stories, you know, the princess is sleeping, and you know, the prince comes, and all the stories. So, we are fed all these stories, and we develop like this, you know, especially as little girls, so much emphasis is placed on marriage itself, no matter where they are, you know, from which culture they belong. It's as if you know, you're going to find this person and they're You're gonna get married, and that will be the beginning of the most amazing life experience ever, like you know, happily ever after. And the reality is you know, in most cases, it's not. We are just sold the story and we buy into it, and the reality is much different, and also at the same point. The main thing that I see and I also experience because you know we reach certain points of like, wait a minute, I'm not destined. You know, we think that this was supposed to be our our destiny, like Cinderella, right? You know, finally Denise: Mm-hmm. Rohne: we are destined to be be living a happily ever after. And I also th thought the same things and I was like, wait a minute. I I felt like Is this what life is? But this is not, you know, there was like this huge contradiction, right? It's like I thought life was supposed to be like this. I thought my partner was supposed to be like this. I thought my parents were supposed to be like this. And then you s you experience in your real life only the opposite of it. Right? And then you start Denise: Yeah. Rohne: wondering, you're like, wait, and then you start blaming yourself and saying, Maybe Denise: Mm. Rohne: I am not destined. I'm not good enough. You know, maybe that's why I'm getting treated this way. Of course, look at the movies and you know. Look at all these other people. You know, on on the outside so many people fake it as well, right? They perform. Denise: yeah. Rohne: Yeah, so we think, wow, everybody else out there, you know, else out there is living their best love story or their best life. And Denise: Mm-hmm. Rohne: and then the thing is the internalization begins after a lot of like, okay, I am not destined, I am not good enough, you know, it just didn't happen to me. So that happens. I agree with you know majority of us. The root reason I would say is, you know, we live, we are born into a very traumatic world, a very unhealthy. Healthy toxic world in itself. Like a lot of times, if you like my own experience, right? I mean, I'm South Asian, I was born in India. There, the main thing, this is true for a lot of Asian countries. There, the main thing is they have a child so that it's not out of love, they have Denise: Mm-hmm. Rohne: a child so that somebody's there to take care of them throughout their life. I wouldn't even say just old age because they net never let go of like I'm gonna use this person in any which way until I die. Denise: Mm-hmm. Rohne: So they're just you know the whole intention behind giving birth to a child is like how do I utilize this child until you know for the full maximum benefit. Denise: Yeah. Rohne: So it's such a such you know detrimental toxic intention in itself why somebody is born into the into this world. So I'm just saying on an average, you know, if you if you look at it, different cultures of course have different flavors of this. So, when you are born in such environments, what do you expect will happen? And also at the same time, we are not taught the right things, right? What is our true nature? Or it's because of ignorance. You know, what are how are we supposed to learn about our emotions, our mind, how it operates? All these internal intelligences, the living intelligence within us, we are not taught about it. So we Denise: Mm-hmm. Rohne: grow up, somebody else expects. Exploites, right? The you know we watch T V, we get programmed with the wrong programs, and then we go about living our life thinking we are not good. Denise: Yeah. I also want to touch on the fact that we come from a similar background when it comes to tech. You had left the tech field. And what when you're saying that we're taught certain things, one of those is also to do what's safe, even if it's soul sucking, even if it brings you no fulfillment. And we're taught that's what you need to do to survive, right? Like you don't get to have passion and sit financial security. It's one or the other. And we're not explicitly told that, but that's what we're shown. And so for me, I'm having to unlearn that piece, but I also take Take just having met you as a sign of what's possible. And I want people to understand that when you see somebody living a life that you aspire to live, it's not taking from you, it's showing you what is possible in any area. There's never, there's no scarcity when it comes to success, right? We all have the potential to step into our our highest timeline and to really own our power and I want to shine light on two aspects of your life that I really admire and it's the fact that you did step out of tech and you did make your passion your job and also that you have a partner, a healthy partner who have supports you. And that when I see that it's showing I don't take it as, look at she has this and I don't have this. I take it as this is what you're going to have. And Rohne: Yeah. Denise: that's the mindset that and I believe that to my core. And I want everyone to see that because I think people see it and they're like, well, 'cause I used to do that, right? Like, how do they Rohne: Yeah. Denise: do that? that's this sucks. I'm just cursed. And what do you do? You bring on more things that prove that negative mindset. Rohne: Yeah. Denise: So if you can just touch on your journey on those two ends, that would be amazing too. Because again, for me, like I think that a lot of the times it's career and love that people are concerned with. So yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Rohne: Yeah. It's either money or either money. Those are two things we want. Would love to, you know, dive deep into this and I'm so with you, like, you know, how we feel at different stages of our life. So let's go with the money part, which is, you know, I I'm an engineer, you know, I with an MBA degree and I've spent two decades in global finance industry and I loved my work, you know, I enjoyed it. But at the same time, you know, as I evolved, that was not the environment I wanted to be in and that's when I kind of split. But you're right. I I also grew up, I was taught the same things, right? You know, job, job, job, you know, get a job and this and that. So y that's what you do, you focus on that. Because also, for the right and you know, especially as being a woman, I think to a certain extent, you do want to get to a point in your life where you're stable and you're not like you know, you don't like depend on anybody. Like you have your say. We do live in a man's world, and if you are vulnerable and dependent on somebody. automatically there is exploitation, manipulation, and all sorts of things. So, and also it's the basic, right? Like in this physical world, we have to pay our bills, right? We are, I mean, we are all very used to the concept of having a roof over our head, having you know meals, and there is this basic, whatever your standard of living is, right? So I would tell for me personally, I wouldn't say it was a conscious, but just like everybody else, I focused on those things, and even when when I was in my 20s, I did get married in India and I moved to the US. It's almost been two decades here. I did quit my job then, even though I was working for about almost four plus years. But you know, you find love, you know, everything, you know, as women, especially, we want to give up everything and you know, do whatever. And I moved to a different country. so within a year, I felt that, you know, like the dependency. I started seeing how my partner, you know, treats me. My You know, husband then husband treats me. I started seeing that. At the same time, because you're used to earning your own money, you you want to have that. So anyway, I got back, I started no I got back into my banking job and I continued flourishing in this new environment in US. So that was amazing, and I did that, and I will tell you the I was in that marriage, and within three years it disintegrated, like completely disintegrated. I still had my job. It gave me so much confidence because I was dependent. And you know, I had moved here for my ex-husband, so I had nobody else here as an immigrant in this country, no like family or other friends. I had co-workers, but you know, co-workers are co-workers. Denise: Right. Rohne: but still the job became my everything, you know? And it for good reason. And at that point, Denise: Mm-hmm. Rohne: it did give me everything that my partner should have given me. Denise: Hmm, yeah. Rohne: You know, financial support, emotional support, physical support, Denise: Yeah. Rohne: mental support. I realized that the things that I was seeking, by God's grace, I had that with this job and it also gave me the confidence to kind of walk away from that toxic marriage. Right? So Denise: Right. Rohne: I feel as women we should always make sure we we are, you know, at a point where we have the ability to walk away. from people, from environments, from things that we know is pulling us down or we can't, you know, flourish there. And sometimes it ta it takes a while, right? Like I also stayed probably longer than I should have stayed, but I walked away because I had that confidence and purely just job. I I didn't know anything at that point. Just having that confidence that no, you know, I am deserving of Respect, I am deserving of these things, and I'll tell you something very like kind of crazy because you know, nobody had treated me nicely, and again it starts everything from childhood, we'll not go too deep into that, but Denise: Yeah. Rohne: even if you don't know, okay, even if you have never experienced. What good treatment looks like. Because I didn't. I didn't. But you know what? I knew that I didn't deserve that treatment. Denise: Yeah. Rohne: So even though I didn't know what it felt to be treated nicely, I did know that this is not how you treat a person. This is not Denise: Right. Rohne: how you treat your wife. This is not how any human being should be treated. And that caused me so much pain and gave me so much motivation that you know what? I'm I'm getting the hell out of here. So for women, you know, or anybody who's listening, right, they should be in that position. They should work themselves to that place to walk away, have that ability. So that was really helpful for me. And again, you know, I reached a point and it you know, we are still talking about career. I had the most thriving career at that point when I was of Denise: Yeah. Rohne: age 33, almost a decade ago. I was thriving. I was at the peak of my career. Denise and I was solo travelling the world, everybody at work loved me, promotions, the money, everything. Living my best life on the outside, you know, but also Denise: Yeah. Rohne: living my worst time on the inside. So what happened was very quickly, you know, I was living the best life, you know, but at the same time on the inside, I had some very difficult chapters, not only with my marriage, but you know, with my family back at home. Like there was issues with my family members' health issues, which kind of was very severe for me to experience. Staying in a foreign country, and at least like there was too much crisis growing on, and my family kind of broke emotionally. You know, it became very difficult. Like this, you know, illusion of the family is supposed to be good, and we are all supposed to you know, be together. Denise: Very Rohne: The fa it really affected the family, you know. It broke our family. Like, you know, my younger brother had this illness, and you know, it just broke us. It broke it broke the four of us. So that plus layers of you know, being idol. Isolated, not having support from your own husband, so called husband who is of no help in any which way. So you Denise: Yeah. Rohne: get isolated very quickly. I got isolated very quickly living in a foreign country and then I had to mine my own resources. Like, you know, it gives you a lot of time because you are n you have nowhere to run. You have nobody to depend on. My fr friends isolated me, you know, who were whom I was kind of in touch because I had just moved from India. But then slowly people faded away. Like nothing that belonged or would was essential started falling off. And then there was layers and layers of, you know, emotional trauma which I didn't know how to deal with, I had no tools, I had nobody to talk to. I tried therapy a couple of times, didn't help me. so Denise: Yeah. Rohne: I got to a very isolated place and then something happened, another difficult chapter. Unexpectedly, I got pregnant, in a casual situation, and then I was like I was facing with this decision now, being all alone in US. And again, you know, for somebody who had at least had like I want to be a mother someday, or you know, s ha I had no clue. I had never even thought about it. And because I had divorced you know, a couple of years earlier, I had literally like, you know, was not even in that thought process or anything. So I Denise: Yeah. Rohne: got slapped in the face, you know, unexpectedly. I was like, I have never spent a moment thinking about this thing. So then I had to make a decision on the spot. And you know, we are you know corporate women, very analytical, logical, Denise: Right. Rohne: able to take decisions. So I did take a decision, I got an abortion very quickly, but at the same time, I did not anticipate the emotional aftermath of that decision. Like i logically, practically, you know, mentally it was like, Yeah, this is the right decision, like no doubts. Of course Denise: Yeah. Rohne: it was a painful decision, but there were no doubts in, you know, taking that decision. But what I didn't know was the aftermath, the emotional aftermath, and that was the n like the last nail in my already miserable, suffering, painful life. Emotionally I was totally bankrupt and I couldn't handle it. So, like, you know what? I'm out. Like, that's when I was like, Okay, I throw in the towel. Enough is enough. You know, who the hell know what knows what life is? I at least can't figure it out. But I really wanted to leave. Like I very systematically planned my exit. And that week something happened to me. I'll keep it short, because It's it's a very deep story. I had an experience physical emotional while I was in that dark place emotionally and struggling and about to execute my own death, I went to the other extreme of it, which was an experience of unconditional love, joy, and just bursting of this ecstasy from the inside out. I was almost Denise: Yeah. Rohne: I could say I was like almost emotionally levitating. Long story short, I got the help that I needed and I called a helpline number to this nonprofit that night I was having this experience. Assist American Center for Spiritually Transformative Experiences. I called this helpline number I was like maybe I'm you know I'm having a Aquatic break, I was like feeling so extreme. So then a lady, you know, helped you know helped me out. It it actually went to the voicemail first. So I was like, no, I have to call 911 now because I was like, I needed Denise: Yeah. Rohne: help. But thankfully, half an hour within half an hour, this lady calls me and she's like, What's going on? I got your voice mess voice message, and I like literally like told her, like, you know, whatever was happening with me that evening, how I was feeling, and then I I asked her, Am Am I going mad? And she's like, No sweetie, you're having a spiritual awakening. And then she quickly, you know, asked me and assessed me, right? And she knew this girl is alone here. So let me support her a little bit. Every, you know, one to two weeks, she'd call in and she would like, Are you okay? Check in. She gave me some guidelines how to treat myself. Because I was still in the job, Denise. I was still working. And the Denise: Okay. Rohne: most beautiful because you know, now after a decade, you know, a lot of people fall off from life to recalibrate Denise: Yeah. Rohne: and everything. It's different for everybody. right. So, but my experience, yes, I was you know about to take my life. I I was in that suicidal state, but that experience that I had was of the other exp extreme state, which was like this joy state, right? So I was kind of it was not hard for me to calibrate, at least for me, meaning I was just happy. I was like emotionally happily levitating. So I if anything, I had to just smile less and just keep my happiness contained a little bit when I was at work. Denise: Yeah. Rohne: So that was not hard to do. because who doesn't like seeing a smiling happy face? It's fine. Nobody Denise: Right. Yeah. Rohne: looks at you twice. So I kind of I was like in that state for almost a year and a half, you know, but very easy for the integration process was kind of smooth for me because I was in that kind of joy state. So from then while working a bank job, you know, I was divorced by then as I told you. By 31 I was divorced. This happened when I was of age 33. And then I was Denise: Okay. Rohne: single also. Now I'm going towards a little bit on the other side of things. I was Denise: Yeah. Rohne: single, I was happy, I was like, you know, I was like, uncondi you know, soaking or in the fountain, you know, enjoying the drench or being drenched in this fountain of unconditional love that Denise: Yeah. Rohne: First forth from within myself, so I was happy. I was traveling, you know, making good money. Again, I'm I'm working my bank job, and to be really honest, Denise for a long time I didn't think I wanted to get out of the bank job because the environment I could sense that it's not like some something that I want to do for the rest of my life. So I started parallelly working, you know, on different modalities, you know, for Denise: Yeah. Rohne: five years. Tony Robbins has a coaching institute with you know world-famous renowned therapist, you know, Chloe Madonna. So I trained with them. Hypnit you know hypnosis, past life regressions, akashic records, any modality which which would come seek me. The interesting part of my last decade is that I didn't go looking for anything because I didn't know what to look for. Denise: Yeah. Rohne: This happened to me and I was happy. But then, you know, this is the beauty of how the universe is gonna pull you into things that are only meant for you. It's almost like, okay, she has been granted access. Pull her in now. Recruit her now. So Denise: Yeah, yeah. Right. Rohne: I also say that these are like all almost these gifts that we have, and everybody has unique gifts, right? Everybody Denise: Right. Rohne: has unique wisdom. It gets activated at the right time. And also like it comes forth at the right time when it's ready, when you are ready to handle that gift. Denise: Yes. Right. Rohne: Pursue that gift, master that gift, and also, you know, help others with it. That's the ultimate, I think. So it so last decade a lot of things got activated, and I was just constantly doing my bank job, doing this. At the same time, you know, about seven years, six, seven years after my first divorce, I was single for a long time, you know, just doing the inner work and everything. I met another person, you know, my Second husband, I met him, and then you know, I was a little bit struggling to find a really good conscious, another conscious person, and I had to give up even on those expectations and you let the universe do its magic. Like I had all these, you know, you know what? That's not working for like three Denise: Yeah rules. Yeah. Rohne: years. Let me just give up. Maybe you know, somebody's nobody's out there who'll meet the list. But then I gave up, and then this other person, the universe again. I was on a spiritual retreat in Joshua Tree in California. That's where I met this person. Not in the retreat, but the person was there. So it was all very magical. I could say that something external, right? The divine is at play here. So I followed it, and this was just before COVID, you know, and then we got to know each other, but you know, covert also put put us put a lot of us in a very different state of mind, like as of the world. Was ending. You know, everything Denise: Right. Rohne: has a role to play. And you know, I was just in lockdown working my job 24 bar 7. Then I think within a year, and that was faster than I would have liked, but COVID, it was COVID time, and he was in California, and I was in Pennsylvania at the time. So we were like, you know, probably the world is ending, you know, we might as well make the most of it. So after Denise: Yeah. Rohne: a year, you know, like he he he provided. Proposed and you know, we got married, and it was still COVID, right? Like for a long time, I didn't see my family in India. And then there were some more difficult chapters. I had death in the family, I couldn't, I could hardly go to India because of all these things. And then eventually, after three years of almost my marriage, and I finally go to India, right? Because I want to introduce my husband to my family and everything, and the grief has you know I was still grieving, the family was still grieving, it had been a year. w I go there and then I'm introducing this person to the family. And then Denise: Yeah. Rohne: you would think it's so beautiful. And you know, in the beginning it was nice. You know, my family from all different cities, you know, my extended family that were coming to see we were getting invited for dinners. And then, you know, one day my father was in his heart surgery and we were like kind of taking care and then And that one day in India, what happened was I was for I never touched anybody's phone, but I went to look at the time. You know, I was standing here having this conversation with my husband. I just, you know, tapped on the phone to like kind of just see the time because I had things to do. And then I saw there were multiple dating apps on his phone. And then I grabbed it and he tried to wrestle it out, and then I saw him on multiple dating apps. Denise: my gosh. Rohne: It was so traumatic. Like I'm in India introducing him to my family after three years of marriage, and this is what I get. And all like I immediately went into such, you know, even though I had done so much inner work by then, it hit me Denise: Yeah. Rohne: so hard. I was still in India, there was still about 20 days left for for our trip. Denise: Twenty days. Wow. Rohne: And I didn't want to cause chaos because my father was having heart surgery. I didn't Denise: Yeah. Rohne: want to tell it to my parents. Like, what are you gonna tell your parents? And the Denise: Right. Rohne: extended family is still coming to see you, they're inviting you home for dinners. You know, Indian hospital hospitality is very different, you know, when you're like f meeting, you know, somebody for the first time. It was very difficult. I was like, I need to deal with this once I get back to you know, US. And when we got back, it was just Traumatic because you know, when you catch the thief red-handed, he kind of goes into this mode. He my now ex also, second husband is also an ex, but it was very traumatic. he had he was a past cult member. Now I can see it clearly. like all his psychology, the whatever abuse they go through in the in the religious cult. You know, he was from I don't want to take the name of the religion, you know, the denomination, but Denise: Yeah. Rohne: he had left that you know that church. And that, you know, that was part of him kind of doing his own work. So I was like, okay, this person also has, you know, walked away from stuff and walked away from people. So I thought I had this, but what happened was as he was tr traumatizing me psychological, all his, you know, that there are certain techniques, and I'm a hypnotist. I could recognize what he's trying to do. He might not have known, but the Denise: Yeah. Rohne: psychological warfare that goes on, or the tr he's trying to use that on me and. It was really hard, I'll be honest, for three months till I kicked him, you know, out of out of the house. because it's very hard. I know that is as a woman you go through various it's it it's again a shock, right? Like what can I save this marriage? Is this you know again as I said, your your thing is like for some reason, at least even for me, because you also love the person, right? Denise: Mm-hmm. Rohne: it's not like boom and then you walk away. I don't know, at least I couldn't. I was like, let me see what's happening. man, it it got so bad. Like the psychological assault from his side. I was like, enough is enough. And I kicked him out of the house, you know. I was like, get out. And yeah, so I walked away from two marriages. But you know, Denise, what is important is One marriage I walked away from, I was unconscious, you know, just automatically living on traumatic programming conditions, trauma, you know, all those things. But the second marriage I walked away from. He was not conscious, but I thought at least he's a loving person and I had, you know, married him for love and we did have good times. You know, that's the sad thing about relationships. It's not just bad times. You never choose to marry someone Yeah. Denise: Right. Otherwise you wouldn't have been with the person. I yeah, that's usually there's a there's something that 'cause you see the good, you hold on to it. Mm. Rohne: Yeah, and it's not so it's not like so black and white, right? So it's not like, I pulled a plug because I hate you. It's I mean nothing suddenly Denise: Yeah. Rohne: switches like that automatically, at least for me. but I think there is there is that love and you are struggling, right? But this assault is emotional or psychological assault continues to happen. So there are multi-dimensional things that you're trying to deal with and then you're like, you know what? I have to pull myself out of The situation now, enough is enough. Otherwise, you know, this is gone. So I think for me it Denise: Yeah. Rohne: took a couple of months while I'm I was like a life coach, while I was a conscious person. And you know, again, I am a conscious, I know my true nature, I can see even the patterns playing out from his side, but he can't see it. So Denise: Yeah. Rohne: I have to pull myself away because I was like, I can't do this, and then I walked away from that marriage as well. So And it was it was only healing, you know, it was only healing very quickly, you know. Therapy again never worked for me, but this time I got a trauma specialist, and it's really important, you know, to get whatever you're going through to align that kind of person, you know. So it's really important to who you let in when you're in a very vulnerable state because people can do damage, even therapists, they're human beings, they're no gods or anything. Denise: Yeah. Rohne: So you have to. really be discerning who you let in when you're especially wounded, hurt, you're in pain. so I let in only like two friends you know who had my back and things. So anyway again I'll get to the nice part now. After that, I'm like you know what? I am done Two relationships didn't work out. I'm done. Men don't deserve me. I never I never had a doubt, especially Denise, after my spiritual awakening and experience of unconditional love and everything I knew as a conscious person or a realized person. I never thought the cheating was because of me or anything. No, no, I didn't Denise: Mm. Yeah. Rohne: there was shame that there was shame about feeling like man, even the second that like you my Second marriage, you know, it didn't work out and I have to walk away from this. There was a little bit of shame in the beginning when I was in pain, but there was no doubt about blaming myself this time around. I was like Denise: Mm-hmm. Rohne: that, not me. This monkey is now not my monkey, not my circus. Denise: Yeah. Rohne: I know my piece, I know who I am, I know you know what I bring as a partner, who I am, you know, everything. So that was very Very good. The only thing I had to heal was the kind of you know psychological manipulation and all the tactics that he was doing while Denise: Yeah. Rohne: I was hurting. So got got rid of that and I was like done. You know what? I'm done. You know, I think I was 39 at the time, and I was like, I'm good for about six months. I cleared up, I was working again, very much in a bank job still. and then I also wanted to do business, right? Now I'm like, okay, I've learned all these things. Now I want to pivot. I am thinking like I should leave my corporate job to do this. especially after I lost a loved one, right? it I was grieving and this happened, so double grieving. So I was like, you know, really, what do I want to how do I want to spend the rest of my life now? You know, when things happen, it gives you this point to reassess your life. That's when I seriously started like planning my exit from the corporate And yeah, there was money, but there was no honey, and I gave up on honey, and then I was like, okay, you know what? Honey comes and goes, but money you need consistently. So let me focus. I went to business conferences, and in that business conference, where I went only for business, I had gone to Austin. I actually live in Austin now, but at that time I lived in Dallas and I went to Denise: Okay. Rohne: Austin for a business conference. And of course, you know, just talking with everybody, just connecting and learning about business. I connected with somebody. This person lived in England, so just a connection, having a conversation, and moving on. But something happened. Happened and then long story short, he is my partner now. it's been almost like three years of us. we actually fought it because I was like, I don't want to deal with in like love or a man or somebody who's living in England, and you know, because there's so much the distance also plays a part, right? So I had had my fill, but again, you know, here's the interesting part I have learnt about love. We don't choose love, you know, because think about it. When have we ever chosen who we can love? We we don't, right? Like it's just like it happens and Denise: Yeah, we don't we only have s no. Yep. Rohne: Whatever is running behind the show, you know, maybe, you know, when you're unconscious trauma, you know, the trauma inside you is choosing Denise: Yeah. Rohne: the person. But even when I've so I've had both experience, right? I've had an unconscious trauma-driven choice with my first Denise: Yeah. Rohne: marriage. And the second marriage was awareness. I knew what I was getting into. Denise: Right. Rohne: I was choosing with enough awareness, But again, you know, love in itself, right? It's it's in the nature of love is to be accepting, forgiving, loving, doing, Denise: Yeah. Rohne: all those things, right? So you're doing all of these things. But what I also like now think with this when this third person came into my life, I Was like, no, I don't want to deal with men anymore. Like, I just didn't want to. But then I think now that I've been in this healthy relationship for more than three years, and even he didn't want to date me, honestly, because he was in England and I'm in Texas. Denise: Hm. Rohne: He's like, who wants to do this? So we resisted it quite a bit. Denise: Yeah. Rohne: But this is where I tell because now, in retrospect, I can see that we surrender to love. And love chooses us. We don't choose Denise: Yep. Rohne: love. Denise: Yeah. It's true. Yeah. Rohne: If we are worthy and again w the the flavor of love we experience is different based on our own soul journey or evolution. The flavor of love is different. I will never be I'll never say that my you know two ex husbands did not love me. They loved me in whatever their definition of love was and I also loved them that. I will never say they didn't like you know, it was fake, they faked it or you know, anything like that. But now the universe brought to me A flavor of love which is very healthy. Denise: Mm-hmm. Rohne: And then we had to surrender to that. And we still both say that love chose us, so we surrender to the love between us that is guiding us. Denise: Right. And I think that this is a good testament to how you encounter certain relationships to learn something from them and that doesn't mean that you don't love them, but if you don't choose to walk away, you can live a life of unfulfilled love, right? Where you're because you could have chosen to stay in a dynamic and and put up with the behavior and that person likely won't change. Somebody who is unfaithful, a serial cheater, s a lot of the times they don't want to face whatever is causing them to repeat those patterns. And though they want something wholesome on a conscious level, they're not they don't know how to Rohne: Yeah. Denise: So Rohne: All right. Denise: you stepping away made space for somebody else to step in because you had already you graduated in a sense. You learned the lesson and you stepped away. Rohne: Yeah. Yeah. Denise: You you chose yourself. And that's why I always say it's net you don't always get to see the path in any way, in love Rohne: No. Denise: and everything. And that's why I tell people too, if you're struggling to find love, stop looking for it. Like, Rohne: Yeah. Denise: like t Focus on yourself. What brings you joy? What brings you fulfillment? Do the things and that doesn't mean you meet somebody right away and you shouldn't go to these places being like, okay, I'm gonna try this sport because I want to meet somebody. Do it because you want to do it, right? Because if you go in with the intentions of meeting somebody, then you block yourself from it. You Rohne: Yeah. Denise: didn't you didn't go to this conference thinking I'm gonna meet my next husband there. And Rohne: Yeah. No. Denise: that is the emphasis, and this is why I always tell people, stop looking. Just like you don't need to look. You're just creating this desperation that you don't So, anyway, this is a testament to all of that I say is true. Like live your life, focus on you, do your perp, focus on your purpose. If you're in a bad relationship, step away from it. Yes, you love that person and they may love you, but clearly it's not fulfilling. And there are certain you can attest to this, certain issues that you can work through, but some like infidelity and Rohne: Yeah. Denise: and manipulation are not things that you can often work through. Those Rohne: Yeah. Denise: are things like step away from that person. That person's not in a position to be a healthy partner to anybody. They're not a healthy partner. Yeah. Rohne: Exactly. Y you nailed that. And then it's just to kind of get the job, the career path, I'll tell you because it it Denise: Yeah. Yeah. Rohne: it got intertwined because of actually my partner's support. So when we started you know, dated and you know, we started dating and we were in a relationship, I was still, you know, wanting, I know I would tell I was still doing the bank job, right? but after like a year, year and a half, you know, when we got to a point where like, okay, some sense of stability is there, my partner was the person who encouraged me the most to like step away and s to like because he Understood my gifts, he understood who I was, what I want to do, and he's like, you know. but I still say that financially by myself, individually, if tomorrow something happens, I'm still a very stable person, like financially. Denise: Yeah. Rohne: not because of my partner, just as an individual. I I have because it's been two decades of me, you know, doing my own thing as well. So I am in that place, but at the same time, when your partner is so supportive and also contributing to your emotional wellness, you know. know wants to support your dreams and make them come true and he's supporting a very supportive and he gave me the confidence to kind of step away and not have those fears around money so you know when I stepped away initially there it was there because I'd never I had never quit a job for no reason that I was you know Denise: Yeah. Rohne: I'm getting married I have to move to US I quit you know or something happened like there was always been these compelling reasons but it felt so strange to send that resignation designation letter three years ago to say that like for like you know I could like they ask you why are you exiting and I couldn't give like a like I felt like you know you don't want to know the right ways anyway that's Denise: Yeah. Yeah. Rohne: so strange but Even though I had the money, even though I had my partners support, it's felt strange as a woman leaving this high paying job, you know, and then it was very strange the first few years because you're you're you're you're moving from employee mindset to now entrepreneur mindset, and that in itself is a completely different area. So and again, remember I'm not a novice for almost like by then almost like eight, nine years I've been like parallelly building, you know, working on my own. emotional patterns, you know, mental patterns, reprogramming myself. So I was very consciously doing these things yet, being kind to myself that all these fears play out. it took a little bit of a time, but because that is very important because you just said something, right? Desperation. You know, when you're like desperate for money, that energy is what you're radiating, right? Even if it's Denise: Yeah. Rohne: money. Scarcity and that desperation. my god, this client you know I better Make a good sales pitch and I better get the business. my god. I have never operated, you know, and I don't think I could have ever operated. Even if I was by myself, Denise, I would have done my job, operate, try to build this parallelly, that was my plan. And then exit comfortably. Who who cares if it takes me ten years? I'm I'm a one-man per you know, one woman person here. So that was my you know, kind of my mindset around it. But because of my partner's support. He also, you know, does a lot of his own you know, he's a conscious partner as well. Does you know his he does so much work on himself to be the best version on himself. So it's very complimentary to to how we are, because individually we have our own things and then we come together as well, and we support each other as healthy human beings, and we're not operating from trauma. We are at least practicing from a sense of giving unconditional space. I will say Unconditional love in human beings, I have not experienced. Because when even when you're with a partner, we have certain needs, certain conditions, right? This is what I say, Denise. the only unconditional love I have experienced is with my spiritual experience, right? With my spiritual awakening almost a decade ago. From that's why I said rock bottom to unconditional love. Denise: Yeah. Rohne: That is what I've experienced. In human beings, for almost a decade I've observed, understood the patterns. And, you know, as I said, even with my own marriage experience that I shared, it's it is not necessary for somebody because that can be misconstrued as well or and you know, manipulated and weaponized as well. you know, love can be weaponized and you know, you don't want to be unconditionally loving towards anybody where you allow unhealthy, you know, treatment, you know. Or all those things. So Denise: Yeah. Rohne: this is what I say. Uncon love is always unconditional, should be unconditional, but your presence in somebody's life should be conditional. Denise: Definitely. That's beautifully put. Yeah. That's something a message I think that so many of us can benefit from because it's showing that yes, you can love somebody and that is one of the things that I've said you can love somebody and let them go with love, knowing that it's not for you. And and it doesn't matter what the situation is, it doesn't matter if it's a romantic partner, a parent, a family member, sometimes letting that people those people go and understanding that they have met you at the depth that they're able to meet you is what you need to do in order to I keep saying wanting to say graduate, but we are because I think as humans we came here to Elevate our consciousness, and that's how you elevate through difficult things. And that is one of the things I really want to emphasize with your story as well, because you continue to elevate, you continue to choose yourself, and even though the path wasn't clear and you had no idea maybe a decade ago that you were going to be here, you followed Rohne: Yeah. Yeah. Denise: the nudges, and I always say I'm following the nudges as well, and creating the podcast and speaking to people like yourself. And I don't know where that's gonna lead me five years from now. And that's what they say when you follow your soul's path, that's how it is. You don't really have this, like in five years I'm gonna be doing X, Y, and Z. You just follow the nudges. And I I I think that's the general theme here is following the nudges leads you to where you are now. And that's not to say that everything is always perfect, but you're living in alignment. And you can correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems like you are an example of living in alignment and following your your intuition. Rohne: No, you're right. you know, just quickly, you know, you know, when we were talking earlier about how we enter and we have all these illusions about life being great, that also I would like to say that who told us? You know, it's just a lie is the movies that tell us that life is supposed to be so great. It's a lie. Denise: Yeah. Happily ever Yeah. Rohne: The reality of la life is you know life is challenging, you know, i i it's it's beautiful yet at the same time it's very challenging, right? So we we we have this shock that we experience that life is not Denise: Yeah. Rohne: beautiful all day long, twenty four bar seven. So you're right, so there is that has to you know, it comes with how we show up and learn our lessons. I do agree with you. We are we are here for the you know, we are here to evolve to reach higher states of consciousness, right? So there is like this, you know, you have to grades, right? Like you're now you're passing these grades and going. So there are always going to be examinations. The examinations are going to be hard. They're not gonna be easy Denise: Yeah. Rohne: because the universe is testing you. Are you ready to graduate? You know, you're right, you know, I I want to just connect this. After the aftermath of, you know, my second divorce, I was like, I'm done, you know. Two decades of this, you know, romantic I am done. And I was like, I said I am okay. It's not the best case scenario, right? Because it's a human being. We want fellowship, we want companionship, we want healthy people around us. But you gotta accept also what your flavor of life is. There is no running away from it. You know, you have to make pace. So I had made peace. and also you have to start focusing on what's working, right? A lot of us forget that. So if you focus on what's working, yes, other things happening. So I started focusing. Right in that pain, in that trauma, I started focusing on making my life better, whatever is in your control. Try to do that, like going for this business conference that I did. And you're right, I made peace with the unknown. That is one of the things I've always done. Whether I was conscious, whether I didn't know what I didn't know, you know, even when I didn't know anything, even with my first marriage, when my own parents were like, No, we are not gonna help you support you. Don't ever come back to India ever, like you know. Like all the doors Denise: Yeah. Rohne: closed. I didn't know what was gonna happen, and I didn't know any better. And I was very heavily programmed as an Indian girl. So it was very hard not knowing that my life was just this that's it, just job, work, job, home, job, home. But I was at peace. I didn't know I was I accepted the unknown. You have to we have to get to a point in in ourselves. That we have to accept the unknown. And even after my, you know, the second time when my I walked away from that toxic marriage, I accepted. It was painful. None of these things are happy go, lucky go, you know, happy, happy things, pleasant things. But I accepted the unpleasantness, I accepted the pain, I accepted my life lesson, and as you said, right? You once you know your true nature, you have to honor it, Denise, right? You are playing host to God now. Once that you understand, you realize your true nature, that you are a spirit having a human experience for some time and you go Denise: Yeah. Yeah. Rohne: back, you know, becoming, you know, to the source energy. So at this point, if you are in a toxic relationship, if you are in a toxic environment, toxic job, you're dishonoring, isn't it? You're dishonoring your soul. So you're not So, first and foremost, honor what you have. Blessings, when ignored, become curses. That is something I you know I remind myself again and again because it's very applicable to any area of your life. So you're playing host to God, honor what you have, accept the unknown, and then just surrender to whatever plans the universe has for you. Denise: Yeah. That is such a beautiful message. Thank you so much for for wrapping that up so perfectly. And I wanna also highlight if people want to work with you, I'll include it in the show notes as well, because I think that it's super important if you resonate with a story. And that's what I always say. There's there's so much resonance and it's all about resonance when it comes to spiritual healing. And Rohne: Yeah. Denise: just as you said, sometimes therapy doesn't do it. Does that mean that therapy doesn't do it for everyone? No. Find Rohne: No. Denise: the modality that works for you, find what works for you, and don't listen to anybody else but yourself when it comes to that. Rohne: Yeah. Denise: So yeah. Well thank you so much again for taking the time to be here. Again, I will link Roan's information in the show notes and I really appreciate you guys appreciate you guys listening and I will see you all next week. All right. Rohne: Denise, thank you so much for having me. Denise: of course.