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The Freedom of the Bedroom: Desires, Boundaries, and Love · Doing Marriage Well

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  Doing Marriage Well for October 30, 2026 The Freedom of the Bedroom,
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  Desires, Boundaries, and Love So what matters with regard to sex?
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  I will start by saying I hope sex matters to both of you, as it's an important
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  part of a healthy, long-term marriage.
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  In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul says that even if both spouses are okay with not having
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  sex, they should still do it.
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  Sex is for your marriage, first and foremost.
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  After that, it gets murky. The Bible provides a little help here.
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  The Song of Songs gives us a glimpse of a healthy married sex life,
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  but the language employed makes it difficult to make claims about what is okay.
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  Most of what the Bible says about sex is prohibitions, and virtually all of
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  that is about sex outside of marriage.
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  The only prohibitions placed on couples are things in the law that followers
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  of Jesus don't have to follow.
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  So how do we know what's acceptable? The obvious but frustrating conclusion
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  is that God gives us no sexual limits, as long as it's just us and our spouse.
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  A lot of folks struggle with that. Surely, they protest, you don't mean XYZ is okay with God.
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  What I think is, if XYZ were wrong, God would have told us so.
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  God does not expect us to guess. He's very clear about sin.
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  However, that does not mean you should engage in XYZ or must do so if your spouse wants to.
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  Sex is first and foremost about drawing you together with your spouse.
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  Doing things you don't want to do will have the opposite effect.
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  As long as you're having regular sex, you both get a veto on anything you don't want to do.
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  And if your spouse vetoes a sex act, love requires you to let it go.
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  Asking for it endlessly is not loving. Either it's hinting or moping about not doing it.
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  The other side is it's loving to do what your spouse wants to do,
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  but not at the cost of your own pleasure, and certainly not if you feel it's wrong.
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  Only the spouse who is resistant to doing something can decide if they can do
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  it, do it partway, or do it on rare occasions.
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  If your spouse attempts to do something you know they're unsure about,
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  please don't see that as an irrevocable choice.
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  They should know you will be disappointed, but understanding if they try it
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  and don't want to do it again.
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  Failure to be loving about a sex act one's spouse won't do can be very destructive
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  to not only the couple's sex life, but also their marriage relationship.
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  Sex was designed to draw you together. Don't let it push you apart.
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  This is Paul, and being loving is doing sex well.