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Why Am I So Hard on Myself? Lifting the Needle Off the Inner Critic · Rise & Realign: Conversations for the Sensitive Soul

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Welcome to Rise and Realign, conversations for
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the sensitive soul. I'm Melissa, and this space
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is for those of us who feel deeply, love fiercely,
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and sense the world in ways that are hard to
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explain, but impossible to ignore. Here, we honor
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your sensitivity as a strength. not something
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to fix. Through reflections, realignment, and
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soul -led stories, we remember how to move through
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life in a way that feels true to who we really
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are. This is your space to rise, to realign,
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and to come home again and again to your own
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wise, authentic self. So it's been a couple of
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weeks since I recorded and you know I just want
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to say that you know I was just going through
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my own transitions. The 18th anniversary of my
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spiritual awakening was on October 3rd and then
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that week was just filled with a lot of other
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doors that are closing and it just felt very,
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very necessary to just honor the process, um,
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of my own. Um, and then of course I had the new
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moon, which is always a time for me to go inward
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as well. Um, so I hope you've been well, and
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the last episode, um, was. 48, Expanding Perspective,
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Noticing the Signposts. And I just spoke about
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how, you know, most of our parents and grandparents
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were raised in a frequency of fear because of,
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you know, what was going on, you know, on the
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planet, you know, and in wherever, you know,
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they were born and raised. fear can dominate
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and that can constrict, right? The possibilities.
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So it really limits all of our perspective when
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fear is the stronger force. You know, that brings
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me to, you know, today's message that's been
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coming up, that's been really repeatedly coming
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up in both you know, client sessions and with
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those in my personal life around, you know, just,
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you know, why, why are we so hard on ourselves?
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Right? Like it, it's so repetitive that I think
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that for a lot of people, it's just like this
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underlying frequency, right? Like this. Whether
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we want to call it the inner critic, right? Or
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fear, frequency. Again, there's so many different
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words to describe similar things. So I always,
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you know, turn it back to you to relate it to
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your lived experience. But, you know, it just
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seems so difficult for so many of us. to have
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a healthy relationship within ourselves. Right.
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And I absolutely can see how it's something that,
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you know, it's just passed along. Right. It's
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like one of those silent. mechanisms that we
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just carry forward from one generation to the
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next until someone or many of us, you know, obviously
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start becoming more aware of how rampant that
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is, right? Like you've heard me talk about records
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and grooves before, right? It's like sometimes
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where this record is playing within us for so
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long and it's so loud that we don't even recognize
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that. It's not us. It's not who we are. It's
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not even true, right? But it's been there a long
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time. So it feels real and it feels like it's
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ours. So, and I'm certainly one, I've talked
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about it on other. episodes, you know, and I
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definitely had a difficult relationship with
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my body the majority of my life. And because
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of how many physical symptoms that I experienced,
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you know, sometimes it was appearance, right?
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Like, we each have our own, you know, eyes that
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we're looking out and seeing the world and ourselves
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with, right? So Thankfully, my perspective has
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absolutely risen up and out of, you know, that
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fear frequency and that inner critic being so
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loud and powerful. So I just really want to talk
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about that because, you know, it is so important
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to become aware of when that inner dialogue is
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negative, when it feels so strong and powerful.
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Because really, paying attention to how we feel
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is the path back to ourselves, right? It's part
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of the realigned journey, as I refer to it as,
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because, you know, we want to have a very intimate
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and loving relationship with ourself on all levels,
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right? Mental, physical, emotional, spiritual,
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all of that. But it just continues to come up,
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you know, whether somebody's body is, you know,
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seemingly interfering in their ability to do
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what they want to do, which I've talked about
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my own experience with, you know, lots of miscarriages,
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you know, infertility, trisomy babies that just
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didn't make it to the physical world. you know,
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other people have chronic conditions. So pain
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is something that's just repeatedly there for
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them, right? And so it can be very challenging
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to really love our body, to really be loving
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and kind and gentle with ourselves. And the same
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is true, you know, in that mental realm, right?
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Like, you know, I hear phrases like, you know,
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I've been beating myself up a lot, or I'm so
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irritated with myself, or You know, I just don't
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feel like I'm doing good enough or, you know,
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I feel so guilty because of, you know, how I
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handled this situation with someone that I really
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care about, you know, and I just really want
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to bring it back to, you know, um, realign with
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love, you know, like that's what's at the heart
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of all of this, right? Like we're, we're, we're
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feeling a disconnect. from loving ourselves,
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right, to feeling that consistent flow of love.
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And I can talk to you, you know, pre awakening.
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So, you know, up to the age of 38, I probably,
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you know, could not say the things that I'm saying
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now. Absolutely, I could not. I very much, you
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know, had a challenging relationship with myself,
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which influenced every relationship that I had.
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And that's not easy to navigate, right? And it's
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also not easy to navigate, you know, as you start
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to recognize, right? As your awareness grows
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and expands and as you become more aware of like,
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oh, there's that record playing again, you know?
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Like, you know, geez, there's that guilt again.
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Like, you know, just I'm not doing well enough,
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you know? But I want to assure you that beating
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up yourself, right, being hard on yourself, that's
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an old and ineffective mentality. It truly is,
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you know, and I remember, I remember, you know,
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living in that frequency as well. And it's not
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fun. Like it doesn't feel good, whatever side
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of the, the. relationship you're on right whether
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it's about yourself or whether it's you know
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about somebody else like it doesn't feel good
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being hard on ourselves or being hard on others
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so I really do want to invite you to realign
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with love you know to bring it back to you, to
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connect with your heart, with your breath, with
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your body, just like I do every week with the
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take a break and breathe love pause that we have,
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right? Like, this is how we realign with love.
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This is how we realign with our authentic, you
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know, true self, right? And that's What I see
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as the most important thing is, you know, meet
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yourself where you are, you know, no judgment,
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just acknowledge, you know, are you someone who's
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hard on yourself? You know, do you let... guilt
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really take you down or can you be gentle and
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kind with yourself right can you forgive yourself
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when you seemingly have said or done something
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that maybe caused hurt or heartache to someone
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else even if that was not not your intention
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right like forgiveness is important because when
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we lack forgiveness for ourselves it's like it's
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just filled with judgment that we should have
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done better. We should have known better, right?
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All those should, you know, kind of statements.
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And the reality is, is each one of us are doing
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the best that we can with all that is going on
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for us, right? It's multifactorial. It's, it's
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multidimensional, you know, and I just really
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want to. Bring the attention back to the truly,
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truly essential part of, you know, realigning
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with your authentic self and voice is about realign
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with love. Realign with that source within you.
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And again, whatever words you choose to use,
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it can be, you know, you realign with your higher
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self or you realign with your soul, right? realign
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with your heart, like, it doesn't matter. For
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me, when I had my spiritual awakening, it was
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absolutely this pure positive love energy, this
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consciousness of just bliss and love. And it
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was like, there was nothing wrong, no matter
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what was happening. And it's something that,
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you know, again, I'm really, really grateful
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and honored to have had such a five to six week
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experience. And it's really been my guiding force
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since, you know, like to just keep realign with
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love, just keep coming back to love, keep coming
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back to the breath, to the body, right? To taking
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the needle off those old records, right? Like
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allowing ourselves to just lift up out of that
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fear frequency, right? Those heavy feelings.
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Um, because it is totally possible for us. Um,
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and I'm just really honored to witness so many
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amazing women in my life. Um, and, and men in
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my personal life too, who, you know, it's just
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like, I'm, I'm grateful to be able to see so
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many people, um, talking about those old patterns
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and being willing to see how that's not loving
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and kind to themselves. That's not supportive.
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And to understand that the more you realign with
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love within yourself for yourself, like you just
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have that much more to share with those who you
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do truly care about in your life, right? to see
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that it's all a dance right like and it's not
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uh like you're tripping and falling you know
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um during the dance right it's it's more of like
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maybe you are taking a few steps back you know
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in in your dance moves but it doesn't have to
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be seen as there's something wrong, right? It's
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just part of the dance. And to just keep tuning
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into, you know, what is your own inner rhythm?
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You know, what is your own inner calling? Like,
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what is it inviting you towards, right? Towards.
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That's why I like realign with love, right? Because,
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gosh, when love and light, you know, takes precedence.
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There's so much that we can release and let go
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of, you know, so much pressure, so much heaviness
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and weight, you know, and, and it is, it is a
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dance. And I mean, again, there's so many different
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analogies that each one of us can use. And it's,
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it's different for For many, dance has always
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been, you know, something that just moved me,
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that lit me up, that I loved. I mean, I was five
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years old when a friend had said she was starting
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dance class, and I just immediately asked my
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parents, you know, can I go too? Can I go too?
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Like, just dance, just the music, the movement,
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you know? Boy, you know, I certainly did fall
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down a lot when I was a dancer, even into my
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adulthood when you'd think that I was, you know,
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less likely to fall. Things still happened and
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I still fell. But that's where resiliency comes
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in, right? we're not meant to be perfect, you
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know? And so letting go of comparison or unrealistic
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expectations of ourselves is really important
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part of this too, you know? And the way I am
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viewing it and experiencing it is, you know,
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the more we can, you know, be patient and gentle
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and kind with ourselves, the more resiliency,
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um, grows right because now we're not hard on
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ourselves you know when something happens that
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is not our preference right when something happens
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that didn't feel like it was you know the greatest
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thing or something that you would choose the
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resiliency is what kicks in though because you
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can feel what's coming up in those situations
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you can feel how well, this is not how I wanted
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it to go. This is not how I thought it would
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go, you know, but, but it is what it is. And
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I'm going to stay true to me and I'm going to
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stay true to my path. And I'm just going to keep
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get up and keep dancing. Right. And the beautiful
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thing like about the dance analogy is like, there's
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so many different dance moves and tempos and
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music. Right. And so again, I don't always want
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to dance to steel drums, right? Like, sometimes
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I want to dance to, you know, really upbeat,
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you know, happy music. So it's variety is good.
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You know, it's all part of this journey, you
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know, that we call life. And, you know, the work
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I do, I... have just really resonated with calling
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it the realigned journey, you know, because for
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me, it's about this ongoing commitment to realigning
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with myself, realigning with, you know, again,
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love, realigning with my authentic, right, wise,
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sensitive self, like me being me. And so it is
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a journey. And the more we come to understand
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about our journeys, you know, the more you can
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understand why I might also, you know, speak
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about being a spiral guide, you know, because,
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again, we just each have our own rhythm. And
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there's so much that we've been disconnected
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from, you know, not just ourselves, right, but
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nature, you know, about other people, like, there's
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just been so much disconnect. And so I see it
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as it is a journey. So we don't need to set timeframes
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for ourselves or judge where we are. I mean,
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you've heard me say this is, this is the 19th
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year since my spiritual awakening that just started
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and so much, you know, I have come to learn about
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myself and my journey and the spirit realms um
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there's just our body how the mind works like
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there's just so much and so we're going to continue
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to live and love and learn and grow you know
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but i just want to say that the more we do you
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know focus on Realigning with love, realigning
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with what's true for you, you know, that's how
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we experience more self -love, right? Like, and
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once we're experiencing more self -love, like
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it's just so much easier to emanate love, to
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radiate it to others, right? To remind others
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of the importance of being gentle with themselves.
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You know, and I, I just, I'm so honored to, to
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facilitate, you know, different types of groups,
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um, and just to witness the love and kindness
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and support that women have for each other, you
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know, around the different ups and downs or the
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different dance moves and, you know, falls, however
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you like to call it. So and I know that there's
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a lot of amazing individuals, you know, who are
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sharing their voice, their message, you know,
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about connecting with your authentic self, with
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your purpose, you know, all different. types
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of topics. And it's all wonderful because variety
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makes life that much more enjoyable, you know,
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because I know I'd get really bored if there
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wasn't always something more. And actually, I
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know I talk a lot about the high sensitivity
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trait, and I don't think I've talked a lot at
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all about how there's also the high sensation
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seeking trait, which is also part of how I'm
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designed. And that just is kind of, you know,
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what I'm touching on is I just, you know, I'm
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somebody who just loves to keep experiencing,
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you know, going on adventures, you know, just.
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living, loving, learning, growing. Um, and so
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if you do too, I'm so happy that you're here,
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you know, um, and you know, let's take this moment
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to pause for our, you know, let's take a break
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and breathe love because It's just not something
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that most of us do on an ongoing basis. And it
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truly is so important. So right now I invite
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you, if you're in a safe environment where you
21:50
can close your eyes or just lower your eyelids,
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and I invite you to rub your hands together just
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to connect, connect with your hands, you know,
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feel that sensation. And just rub them at whatever
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pace, you know, whatever motion you choose. There
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is no right way, just the way that feels best
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to you. And then I invite you to slow that movement
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down and just gradually start separating your
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hands just about an inch and just feel the sensations
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that are there moving through your hands, through
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your fingers. You know, just connecting with
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that life force energy that is flowing to and
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through you. And I invite you to place one hand
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on your heart and the other hand wherever your
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body might need some extra attention, some extra
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love. And just take a nice deep inhale through
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your nose, long and tall spine. Take a second
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inhale. And then nice long exhale out your mouth.
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Just release, relax, let go. And just follow
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your pace. But again, another nice deep inhale.
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Long spine. Second inhale. Just to open up that
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chest a little bit more. And long and slow exhale
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out your mouth. And just continue at your pace.
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You know, I say one breath. Practice like this
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is better than none. I love the number three,
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so I typically will guide at least three of them
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and more when I'm in sessions with individuals
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and groups because it's so important to be able
23:49
to just quiet the nervous system, release the
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excess tension and stress that we've been carrying.
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And just slow the pace down. Slow so we can just
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realign with our own natural rhythm. Lengthening
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that breath allows us to, again, lengthen our
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spine and just open us up to receiving with more
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ease. You know, expanding our awareness, our
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perception. And just tune into your heart for
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a few breaths here. You know, just really focusing
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on the hand that's on your heart. And just imagine
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with every inhale that you are just connecting
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more deeply with that divine spark within your
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heart. So as you inhale, you are connecting and
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receiving so much more love and light. And as
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you exhale, you're just releasing and relaxing,
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letting go of any tension, anything that you've
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been carrying. Just let it all go. And I invite
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you to continue this as long as it feels beneficial
25:20
for you. And if you're familiar with the OM practice,
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you know, I'm a big fan of doing some OMs. Because
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again, that vibration, so helpful, right? Stimulating
25:39
the vagus nerve and increasing the nitric oxide.
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There's just so many benefits to these different
25:47
practices that we do. So I encourage you to continue
25:53
in whatever ways feel best to you. And I'll just
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share that if you would like to keep walking
26:02
this path with me, as you know, I do have most
26:07
every week an episode to share with you. If you'd
26:12
like to work with me and you are a woman in the
26:17
states of Massachusetts, California, or Arizona.
26:21
I do offer embodied somatic therapy intensives,
26:25
which are a full day container that allows your
26:29
nervous system the time and space needed to process
26:32
the depth of your journey. And I also offer ongoing
26:37
individual and group holistic psychotherapy.
26:44
On a more global level, I do offer integrative
26:48
health clarity consulting when your approach
26:52
right now is more on that physical level, but
26:56
you're wanting to bring in more integrative and
26:59
quantum biological approaches. That is not psychotherapy,
27:04
but it just can assist you and help you to bring
27:09
things to your physician. And then of course,
27:13
there's my spiral guide work, which is, um, again,
27:18
I have the realign circle for sensitive and strong
27:22
women in their twenties. We meet twice a month.
27:26
We also have the seasonal threshold gatherings,
27:30
um, at the equinoxes and solstices, and that's
27:35
the sensitivity realignment spiral, but you can
27:38
explore all of it at realignwithmelissa .com.
27:44
So before we close, I invite you to just continue
27:50
to return to your breath, to your body, to your
27:55
heart, to what feels true for you right now.
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There's nothing you need to fix. Just notice
28:07
what's here. Where the heart leads, the body
28:12
remembers and the soul awakens. As a reminder,
28:18
we are here together to rise, reclaim, remember.
28:25
And as always, I'm so, so deeply grateful that
28:29
you're here. You are so important and your voice
28:34
and your presence matters. And you're also welcome
28:38
to join me on Substack. I post there daily. So
28:44
take good care of you. Much love and light.