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Feeling Overwhelmed? Here’s What to Do When Everything Feels Like Too Much, with co-host Danielle Benzon · The Inspired Speaker Network

• 0:00
  You are listening to The Awakening Woman on the Rise. If you are a woman who is seeking to live
• 0:07
  a more authentic life but are feeling not enough to step out fully just yet, you are in the right
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  place. If you are a woman who is looking to live your personal truth and make the impact you truly
• 0:21
  desire, you are in the right place. I'm your host, Wendy Yacboski. Let's step out in this together.
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  So welcome to session two, and I have a wonderful surprise for you, and that is that I am joined
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  by a very good friend and colleague, Danielle Benzon, and we are discussing day-to-day topics
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  that not only come up for us, but I bet they come up for you too. So I invite you to listen
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  to each episode, see what sparks for you, and take it from there. Welcome, welcome, welcome everybody
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  to Wednesday Wisdom with Wendy and Danielle. We are feeling a little bit tired today, so I think
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  that's what we're going to talk about. It's wonderful how the the topic just presents itself.
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  Yeah, so thank you for being here with me today, Wendy. Oh, thank you so much, Danielle. I love our
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  time together as always. As always, such a pleasure. We are both pretty frustrated with technology,
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  and also with our ever-expanding to-do lists. I don't know about you, but my to-do list never
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  gets shorter. It only gets longer, and I find that kind of annoying. How about you, Wendy?
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  Does your to-do list shrink and expand, or how many different ways does it go?
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  It does do both. There was a time where it felt like it was just expanding, and I had
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  the neatest experience that has stuck with me. I was feeling so overwhelmed with everything,
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  and somehow, out of the blue, it was, I guess, an intuitive hit or whatever it was.
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  But I heard this voice in me say, Wendy, just pick one. Because I was going to a place where
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  everything seemed to be done all at once, and it was just spiraling, right? That is
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  what I did. Obviously, I was in a place enough where I needed support, and that was the support
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  that came. It was the start of something really wonderful in that I worked on that one thing,
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  either completed it or certainly did as much as I felt comfortable doing, and then I chose
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  another thing. That can be helpful, but I think it took me a while, a long time, not that day,
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  but over a period of feeling overwhelmed so often. I always seem to get myself to that place
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  of overwhelm where I'm expecting way more of myself, way more of the time that I think it would
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  take. It was feeling futile and hopeless and helpless. The only thing that really helped me
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  was really just doing one thing. It was the wisest advice that I think I've ever had.
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  I certainly do know that prioritization can be, maybe you have another word for that,
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  I always go to prioritization, because it would be really good to do the thing that gives us the
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  most bang for our buck. Having said that, in feeling overwhelmed, sometimes I need to do
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  something that I feel like I know how to do, so it can almost build my confidence back.
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  Have we talked about this, the whole eat the frog kind of concept? Have we talked about that
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  already? I'm familiar with it, but I don't know if we've talked about it. That's the whole eat the
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  frog concept. As someone with anxiety, that doesn't work for me. I will sit and stare for
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  ages. I have to stack wins. Sometimes I have the energy. Whenever I try and attack my task list,
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  I have two steps to it. My first step is to check in with myself. I have to go, okay,
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  how much time and energy do I have at this moment? Sometimes I've only got half an hour between calls
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  and I also have to eat, or I maybe have an hour but I'm really tired, or maybe I have an hour and
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  I'm super energized. I have to check in with myself and go, okay, how much time and energy do I have?
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  Given the time and energy that I have and given what's on my task list, I'm pretty good at
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  prioritizing my task list as a separate thing. I do that every morning. I prioritize my task list.
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  I look at the top thing on the task list and I go, can I do that? If the answer is yes, then I do
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  it. If it's not, I go to the next thing on the task list and I say, can I do that? I essentially
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  just go down until I find something that I have the time and the energy for because I can't always
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  do the most important thing. I don't always have the time. I don't always have the emotional
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  fortitude. But if I do something, it's better than nothing. That's my little negotiation with
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  myself. I do do that window thing of important versus urgent. I do do that as well, which does
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  help. That is so helpful intellectually, just being transparent. It just feels like another
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  darn thing to do. Yeah, I really have to. It's true. There's a whole emotional element to getting
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  things done, which I find it's very easy to prioritize when you disassociate yourself from
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  the task and you're like, well, objectively, these are the things that need to get done.
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  But when it comes to actually doing them, there's a whole emotional element there that doesn't get
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  taken into account when I'm doing the objective prioritization. You know, Danielle, I'm just
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  reminded of, I believe it was Einstein that said that we can't solve the problem at the level of
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  the problem. So maybe we actually need to get away from the problem, quote unquote, and
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  get some fresh air, do some breathing, do something that shifts the state.
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  Because I'm sure you feel the same way, and our listeners will too, is that the more we try to
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  effort a solution or even to do a thing, the less fruitful it is.
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  Yes. And this reminds me of a conversation I was having with someone about stage fright recently,
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  and about how when we're nervous, we tend to kind of clamp up and close down.
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  And like sitting in front of a blank page to write something,
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  it, you kind of get stuck. And the worst thing you can do is stay still. When you're nervous,
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  the best thing you can do is move, walk around, sing a song, do a dance. And it allows the energy
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  to move through you and out of you. Whereas if you try to hold on to, you're like, I will push
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  these nerves down and make them obey me. Somehow they always win when we try to do that. So yeah,
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  I think you're right. Taking a break, getting some fresh air, having a dance break,
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  whatever. It gets us into motion. And as a friend of mine always likes to say,
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  you can't steer a parked car. So once the car is moving, it's easier to steer it in the right
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  direction. Yes. Not my thing. Yeah. You know, something that you were saying a bit earlier,
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  Danielle, that you say, how much time do I have? What do I need to do? How much time do I have?
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  And I need to eat. Something that when I was working in a corporate office,
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  so many people were so busy that they took their lunch to their desk. So they're doing it all at
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  once. But it's not the same as being somewhere else away from the environment that you're
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  struggling with or that we're struggling with. So I think it's more building on what we're saying
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  in terms of movement and change of a shift of state, a shift of energy to be able to help us.
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  Yeah, it's interesting. For me, I find it depends on what mood I'm in. So if I'm in a good focus
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  state and I'm getting things done, I'd much rather eat at my desk because then I can keep going.
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  If I take a break and I'm tired, so I'll often have dinner with James in the living room
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  and I work in the office and I don't want to leave. If I'm tired, if I take dinner too late,
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  I don't want to come back to my desk and fight with myself and get comfy and so nice. So that
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  is a danger as well. So I have to kind of negotiate that like, how tired am I? Because once I leave my
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  desk, I may not want to come back. I mean, I'm hoping not everyone is in burnout and overwhelm.
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  I have definitely kind of painted myself into a corner this month, but I'm doing okay. I'm
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  plodding along. But yeah, it's interesting. Why do you think we do this to ourselves? Because
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  as my therapist continues to point out, this is self-inflicted. I do this to myself.
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  Why do you think we do it? You know, your therapist has a point because in some ways,
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  she's giving you the tool, which is yourself. She's giving you the power. So when we know
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  that we are the creators of what we're experiencing, then we can do something about it.
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  And yes, even when society is involved or some kind of shoulds are involved, or this is what
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  you need to do to be successful, everything all at once and within a certain timeframe,
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  it's hard. Maybe a good question would be, is who needs me to do this?
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  Like, is it something that I really want to do? Because we definitely are more
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  juiced up and inspired when it's something that we want to do. But if it's kind of this voice that's
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  on this track that's going, you know, yeah, and that, and then that, and then that, and then not,
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  on a mental level, energetic level, it's really draining. And so in the back of the mind,
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  and that's why I think that, I mean, I've heard it over the years is that
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  we can, I'm chuckling because I'm looking at my desk as I'm talking to you,
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  but if we can have a clear space on our desk, working with one file or one project at a time,
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  it's less demanding of us subconsciously. And of course, if we're seeing it, there
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  obviously going to be that part that says, oh God, yeah, and that, and that, and that,
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  and we get tired. So sometimes it can behoove us to just take a bit of time and say,
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  first of all, who is this most important to? Who wants me to do this? Is it mine to do?
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  Is it mine to do right now? So that we can somehow lessen the energy that is being called
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  on, um, and draining us. That is such a good point because I think a lot of my
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  draining comes from guilt. Like I, like I told someone that I would do this and now I'm behind
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  my desk. My actual physical desk is pretty clear. My desktop on my computer, however,
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  whole other story. And I think that's, that's the thing. Like my actual desk is not so bad,
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  but my, my desktop, I have to go through it once a week and clean it out cause it just gets
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  ridiculous. Um, but I like what you said about who is this for? Because I think I was just thinking
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  about like I was mentally going through my calendar and thinking, why am I so exhausted?
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  And pretty much every day this month, and this is quite embarrassing that I let myself get to
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  this date, but pretty much every day this month, I, I have an eight hour day of calls.
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  And then I start work. So there might be something wrong with that. And a lot of those
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  calls, a lot of those calls are for me, but a lot of those calls aren't. And saying no
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  to things, I don't think of myself as someone who has difficulty saying no. However, I also
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  don't like to back out of things. So I'm like, if someone comes to me with something new,
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  I'm very good at saying no. But what I'm not good at is quitting. Like if I've said yes already,
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  if I've already said yes, saying no after that, yes, I find very difficult. So I wonder if maybe
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  that's something that I've said yes to too many things in the past. I've got very good at saying
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  no now. But unfortunately, a lot of those prior yeses are following me. And maybe it's time to
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  start prioritizing my own goals a little bit more. Well, you know what, Danielle,
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  it'd be so great to be perfect. You know, Wendy, I think you're right. It would be great to be
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  perfect. But, but here's the thing. And I think it's probably one of the most challenging things
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  for us personally, in business, whatever, is that most often, I think we make the decisions
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  that we make or that we say the yeses that we say from a different place, like where we sometimes we
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  do say yes, when we mean no, I know, I get that. But sometimes we say yes from a place where it
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  looks absolutely doable. And, and there is, you know, that thought running the treadmill,
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  I can't say no, once I've said yes, because and so you feel in the here's a thing, here's an idea,
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  if you if you're one to journal, just saying, yeah, so write down, I can't change my mind,
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  because dot dot dot. I can't say no, because dot dot dot. And, and, and let yourself fill it out
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  till it feels like there's nothing more. And then maybe ask yourself, like, go back to each one and
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  go, give Byron Katie, thanks for this. But is this true? Is this really true? How do I know
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  this is true? Because if you ever said no, to a friend, and feel felt really crappy or whatever,
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  but your friend said, Hey, like, no problem. You know, it's like, they don't care about you. They
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  don't stop, you know, connecting or calling very gracious, you know, and, but that's the thing.
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  It's we fear the loss of whatever that is in the dot dot dot, because dot dot dot. And, and oftentimes,
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  we don't think about it. That's where journaling can come in, because you're taking the time to
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  actually process it in those few minutes. But we're taking the time to think about it. And
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  actually ask ourselves, is this is this true? Is this real? Or is this my fear? You know, and,
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  and there can be a part that says, if this did happen, would I be able to handle it? Or how
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  would I be able to handle it? So yeah, I tend to think so terminally, do you know what I mean?
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  It's either or there's no gray, there's no and there's nothing like that. It's, it's just this
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  mindset that we can have sometimes it just says, you know, there can't be changed at all. I remember
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  with a stepdad, I had one time where I don't remember the full content of the story. But I
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  remember him saying to me, if you change your mind, Wendy, it means you're wishy washy. So that
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  would be a because for me, you know, I can't change my mind, because that means I'm wishy washy. And
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  if I'm, I can't be wishy washy, because no one will respect me. I, you know, I need to be respected,
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  because, you know, that kind of thing. Yeah, yeah.
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  It reminds me of a very silly joke. My very silly joke. This is, this is, this is a joke.
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  It's a sexist joke, but it's a joke. But I'm allowed to tell it because I'm, I'm a woman. So
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  the joke is, how do you get a woman to change her mind? Okay. Agree with her.
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  Oops, sorry, excuse me.
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  And I laugh, because it's kind of, for me, it is true. I have that inner teenager who wants to
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  push back on everything. You know, and if you agree with me, it does it. If you agree with me
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  unexpectedly. Yeah, I like it when people agree with me. If someone is arguing with me, and they're
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  they're disagreeing, and they're disagreeing, and they're disagreeing, and they suddenly agree with
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  me, that is going to absolutely throw me off my game. Yeah. Yeah, I hear you. Yeah. But I do think
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  I do think there's also that, I think it's, I think it's from, it's either from Gosford Park,
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  or it's from Downton Abbey. It's one of those, it's, it's Maggie, Maggie Smith, playing sort of
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  old lady. And one of the young ladies comes up to her and says, Oh, you're so you're so contrary.
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  And she says, I'm a woman, I can be as contrary as I like. You're so contrary. And I'm a woman,
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  I can be as contrary as I like. And I love that. This is my imperative. But I think in all human
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  beings, it's okay to, that permission to change one's mind. Yeah, because if we think about it,
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  and this comes up for people who are, who are coaches and or who are, you know,
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  online a lot who are visible. Oh, but, but I can't change my mind about that. Because people
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  are gonna think I'm inconsistent. What about, I have to change my mind about this so that people
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  can see that I'm evolving. You know, if you never change your mind about anything, you're not
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  growing. No. So and there is there is a season, you know, it's, it's sometimes it's difficult
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  to say goodbye to things, like commitments and things that have meant so much to you. Yes. Yes.
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  And you have to move on because there are so many hours in the day. Yeah. And, you know,
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  as as our priorities change, we do sometimes have to say goodbye to things. And that is very
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  difficult, especially if there's still, there's still giving us something just not as much as
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  they were, or it's not as appropriate, you know, like, they're still giving me something, but
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  that's not my priority right now. Yes. That is difficult. But I also do think that, you know,
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  change is inevitable for growth. So I have to remind myself of that, because I do think that,
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  you know, well, if I change my mind, then, you know, what does that say of my character?
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  I'm not a consistent, reliable person. How bad that is, because I was always the reliable one
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  growing up. But what if it means that I'm changing, I'm stepping into a new space,
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  what do they say? For every door that closes, a new one opens. You're not going to move through
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  those doorways. Yeah. If you can't hold on to everything. Yeah. And I really do believe,
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  and I need to remind myself of this as well, is that I made that decision with the information
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  I had at the time, whatever that was, intellectually, emotionally, whatever it is,
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  we make the decision that we can at the time. And then when we get new information, or we,
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  you know, it's, I agree. Because change is, as an old paradigm, has really been looked at
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  negatively, like you're saying, the different beliefs we can have about ourselves. But now
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  we're learning that change is always happening. It's not like, you know, it's the only inevitable
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  thing. Well, exactly. And what about if we make change, like, but of course, it would need to be
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  as intelligent change as possible. And I don't mean perfect change, but that change is natural.
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  It's not the contrary. It's not, you know, it's not the, you know, I'm just, I know I stopped
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  mid-sentence. Stability isn't the default. That's right. Is that what you're trying to say? Like,
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  we think of stability as being the default, because that's what we cling to. Yes, that's
• 22:49
  really well said. Yeah. But in the universe, it's chaos, right? It's moving and changing all the
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  time. Yeah. You know, I'm reminded of a principle of the spiritual teaching, A Course in Miracles.
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  And one of those principles is that I give everything the meaning it has for me,
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  whether I learned it through someone else, whatever it is. And, you know, to be willing to go
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  say that and say, if this is true, what else could I make it mean? You know, how could this support
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  me or whatever that is? Because, you know, if we don't change, well, nothing changes.
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  Or we get the two by four, and then we go, oh, that's what you meant.
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  No, the two by four by the universe, not yet.
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  But yeah, it's, you know, it's a hard thing to explain. And it's something that this thing about
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  I give everything the meaning it has, but how could it not be true? Because it's our mind that
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  is thinking. And maybe we learned it, we saw that that's how it happened, or what it meant to
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  someone else. But that's another empowering, like I was saying about, like your therapist, when she
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  said that, you know, she gave you the power. This is also gives us a power. If I give everything
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  the meaning that it has, I can also go through a process and go, is it true? Is it really true?
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  You know, how do I know it's true? I think those are three really powerful questions. And again,
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  I give credit to Byron Katie, because it goes, oh, my goodness, it was true, you know, 13 years ago,
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  but actually, it's not true anymore, for me. You know, but yeah, it's kind of the knee jerk
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  return sometimes. Yeah. Oh, yes. Yeah. And, and even when we recognize that there's another step
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  after that, because I do think that awareness, while it's a big step, it's not the only step.
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  Yeah. When I go, oh, this, this doesn't have to be true. This isn't true for me anymore.
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  Letting it go and not holding on to it. Yes. Is that final step, because I, there are quite a
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  few things that I'm like, oh, this used to be true. It isn't true anymore. And then I hold
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  on to it for dear life. Yes. Yeah. Hold on to my old patterns and my old stories. Yeah. No,
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  it's okay. You can let that go now. You're a new person now. And it's not always easy.
• 25:54
  No, it's not always easy. And I think I love that your transparency with that, Danielle,
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  because I can't imagine who wouldn't relate to it. I totally relate to it. And
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  that it can come to be okay to accept that not everything happens in an instant.
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  Yes. We're so conditioned that everything is sped up. It's right now, you know, but,
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  but some things take time. A little bit of time. I can't necessarily just drop it.
• 26:32
  Yeah, exactly. More of a weaning process. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I remember it was kind of like,
• 26:40
  I don't know if you'd call it an affirmation or not, but it was kind of like, I'm willing to
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  fill in the blank. And then if we find we're not willing, then we say,
• 26:51
  I'm willing to be willing to fill in the blank, whatever it takes.
• 26:57
  I love it. I'm willing to be willing. I will eventually get there one day.
• 27:05
  Yeah. Well, it's like a plan. But even, you know, that awareness,
• 27:09
  I think is very important because it does, it does, you know, bump us up against it.
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  But I think also we can get, we can use, if we're really stubborn, we can use an awareness
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  as a reinforcement instead of what it's meant to be, which is just a reckoning with reality
• 27:28
  so that we can continue to move forward. Yeah. Oh, I'm just like this. Oh, I, you know,
• 27:34
  I can't do this because I'm just like this. I was like, no, you're, you're, you're an evolving
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  human. You can choose to change. If there's something you don't like about yourself,
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  you can choose to change it. You can, you know, you can choose to work on it. You're not going to
• 27:47
  change it like a switch, but you can go, I know this about myself. And now that I know,
• 27:55
  I am no longer ignorant of it. And I can't claim ignorance anymore. Because I think people do that
• 28:00
  a lot, especially, I don't know, with like certain like labels, you know, like, oh, well, I'm just
• 28:06
  disorganized. So I never have to be on time for my friends. It's like, no, you know that you're
• 28:10
  disorganized. Yeah. If you have an important meeting, you go, I know that I'm disorganized.
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  What steps am I going to take? Yeah, make sure or to to make it much more likely that I show up on
• 28:24
  time. Yeah. And things like that. It's not an it's not a, it's not an excuse. Awareness isn't an
• 28:29
  excuse. It is, it's an opportunity to be compassionate with yourself. Well, that's
• 28:36
  true, which works a lot better than the hammer. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I've just been curious,
• 28:43
  you know? Yeah, exactly. Curious. I love that, you know. And I also like the word explore.
• 28:51
  I also like the word play with it for a while. I also like the word, how can I make this an
• 28:57
  adventure? You know, one that that draws me forward, but but but I'm taking it a step at a time.
• 29:06
  Ah, you know, I, I love what you said, Danielle, like in terms of the the overwhelm.
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  I'm not exactly sure whether overwhelm is a word for it. But when we're stuck in this state,
• 29:18
  let's say of, I'm just like this, you know, I've always been like this, I can't be different,
• 29:24
  that on some level, energetically, I think it is a block that can feel over, you know,
• 29:32
  overwhelming. And, you know, our languaging can be so, so helpful. I loved what you said about,
• 29:43
  I may not be saying the exact words, but what I've observed about myself or what I noticed
• 29:48
  about myself, which already has objectivity is not that I am that I noticed I do that I
• 29:56
  noticed I have a behavior of. And, yes, yeah. Yeah, I like it. Yeah. Yeah, being I love the
• 30:09
  idea of treating it all like an experiment to everything. Yeah, yeah, every human interaction.
• 30:15
  But also just, you know, my approach to my calendar, my approach to my day, my approach,
• 30:19
  my energy management, all of it as an experiment. Yeah, because it does, it makes you a little bit
• 30:25
  more objective. So, you're not identifying with I am this bad thing. It allows you to kind of go,
• 30:30
  oh, here's an interesting puzzle. How can I solve this puzzle? Oh, I've only given myself
• 30:37
  five hours of sleep a night. That's an interesting puzzle. How can I solve this puzzle? Do I take
• 30:44
  naps? Do I cancel something? You know, like, what do I do? Yeah. But it becomes and we love problem
• 30:50
  solving, you know, and I think, and a lot of people like puzzles. So looking at things like
• 30:54
  that, and I think that curiosity can reach past my task list into my relationships. Yeah, my
• 31:02
  relationship with myself and also my relationship with others, you know? Oh, I noticed I have a
• 31:07
  tendency to do this. That's interesting. What can I do about that? Yeah, I noticed that when this
• 31:14
  person does this thing, it makes me mad. That's interesting. How can I explore this? What kind of
• 31:21
  troubleshooting can I do? Yeah. And I think it's so important for us to consider and practice with
• 31:32
  not thinking we are a bad person because we have certain behaviors. We develop them
• 31:39
  for whatever reasons that we did. No harm, no foul, but being able to acknowledge it and also
• 31:47
  to, I'm finding for me, is that when I look at the overwhelm I experienced, like the story I was
• 31:54
  telling you about that I felt like I had everything to get done and it was all at once, is that
• 32:01
  feeling the result of the overwhelm, like the actual feeling, even though I sort of reached
• 32:09
  out for help, to put it simply, it was not wanting to feel that way anymore. That almost became my
• 32:18
  why. I don't want it to be this hard. What if it doesn't need to be this hard? And what if I could
• 32:26
  just do one thing at a time? How might that help me? But I know that if I'm judging myself
• 32:37
  and saying I shouldn't be feeling that, if I feel that, that means that, or if I do that, it means
• 32:43
  that. It's a hard hole to dig oneself out of. The more I practice being compassionate with myself
• 32:54
  and knowing that I created that pattern for a really, really good reason whenever I created it,
• 33:02
  but that doesn't mean it's forever. It means that I've noticed I've been doing this for a few years.
• 33:10
  And it was serving me and now it's not. So maybe just let it go.
• 33:14
  Exactly. Yes, I want something different.
• 33:16
  And not to put any meaning on that, not to put any judgment on it, but just to kind of
• 33:20
  okay. I was doing this. It was helping. Now it's not helping. Circumstances have changed.
• 33:26
  Life has changed. What am I going to do about it now? I love that so much. So for those of you who
• 33:33
  are listening, what is there in your life that you are potentially holding onto or not even,
• 33:39
  maybe you're only starting to become aware that you're holding onto it right now.
• 33:42
  What is there in your world that you are feeling trapped or dragged down by that maybe is just
• 33:51
  something that's left over that you could choose to let go of or choose to start letting go of
• 33:56
  incrementally, something that you can go, oh, wow, this is a thing that I've observed.
• 34:03
  How do I experiment with it to let it change? So I invite you to think about that. And as
• 34:12
  always, Wendy, such an interesting conversation with you. Thank you so much for being here with
• 34:17
  me today. I'm so happy to be here. Oh, that was so good. See you next week. See you next week.