Latest / The FEEL Podcast: Women’s Empowerment, Emotional Wellness and Self-Leadership with Melissa Crook / Embracing Authenticity, Expectations & Self-Love with Vesta Hurlbutt

Transcript

Embracing Authenticity, Expectations & Self-Love with Vesta Hurlbutt · The FEEL Podcast: Women’s Empowerment, Emotional Wellness and Self-Leadership with Melissa Crook

• 0:00
  Hello, Melissa Crook here from the Field Podcast.
• 0:03
  Thanks so much for being with us today.
• 0:05
  We've got a new episode for you with Vista Holbert.
• 0:09
  And here are the ways to engage with embracing authenticity,
• 0:12
  expectations, and self love with Vista Holbert.
• 0:16
  Take the time to recognize people in your life who love you
• 0:20
  unconditionally and vice versa. It might even help to write them
• 0:24
  down for times when you're feeling unloved, depressed,
• 0:28
  lonely. It's just important to remember
• 0:31
  that unconditional love is a beautiful thing, and you are
• 0:35
  worthy of experience in it. We hope this gives you some
• 0:38
  thoughtful ways to engage with today's new episode, Embracing
• 0:42
  authenticity, expectations and Self Love with To Hold Bert,
• 0:47
  thanks so much for being with us.
• 1:05
  Hello and welcome to the Field Podcast.
• 1:08
  This week I'm here with a new friend.
• 1:10
  This week we met through Podmatch, our good friends there
• 1:13
  at Podmatch and Vista Hurlbut is here with us today.
• 1:18
  And Vista and I have a lot in common in terms of the types of
• 1:23
  things we talked about, but we do it in our own way and we have
• 1:27
  our own way of engaging with this.
• 1:29
  It's going to be really powerful and really, I think helpful and
• 1:34
  informative to people. I think you're going to be
• 1:37
  amazed at what she has to offer because she has so many of the
• 1:44
  layers we talk about. Best is living out in her life
• 1:48
  and she's going to be able to give you so many resources on
• 1:52
  how that she's navigated that and how she examines each of
• 1:57
  those areas so that she can live as her healthiest, most
• 2:01
  authentic self, both with the roadblocks that get in the way,
• 2:05
  the thing she's learning, and and the resources that she now
• 2:07
  has because of that. So I'm excited to share her
• 2:11
  today. She's going to have so much to
• 2:13
  offer us. Vesa describes herself as kind,
• 2:17
  loving, all inclusive, happy, approachable, and fun.
• 2:23
  That's the rule. But welcome to the Field
• 2:25
  podcast. Thank you.
• 2:28
  Thank you so much for having me, really.
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  I appreciate this. I'm very, very excited.
• 2:36
  I am too. This is going to be great and I
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  am going to start right off with, and you talk about this a
• 2:41
  lot on your platforms too, but prioritizing self-care in your
• 2:46
  life and what that has looked like for you.
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  Yeah, I did. I've done 2 summits this one
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  last year and one the year before called the power of
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  choosing you because I think it is so important, especially as
• 3:00
  busy moms. I, I usually, I used to always
• 3:04
  say busy single moms. Then I was older, I got to
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  realize, I realized that it's not just single moms who are
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  busy. It's all moms that are busy.
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  And and that's too, I'm not, not like deciphering men and women,
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  whatever, but I can only identify with moms because
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  that's what I was or that's what I am.
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  And you just get so busy in life and it's not, and it's nothing
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  for me. I wanted to do it.
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  I loved it. I there's nothing better in this
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  world than being Blaze's mom in my life, you know, but, but
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  you're like, he, my son did theater.
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  So he was singing, he was acting, he was doing all this
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  stuff. And so it was work.
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  Pick him up, take him to the first place.
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  I mean, I can't tie him any pizza.
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  Little Caesars pizzas we ate in the car while on our way from
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  one thing to the next, You know, And I'm trying to figure out
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  myself and but you can't, you don't have time for it.
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  You don't. There's just no time for it.
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  And I remember being so frustrated and just, and I would
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  be unnecessarily mean. I would, you know, and I can sit
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  here and tell you all my flaws as a parent, but I am not going
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  to do that because my kid is 21 and perfect.
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  But I will say, right, So something I learned early, early
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  on, because I moved away from probably not the best decision
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  if place was going to make this kind of decision when he's if he
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  if he was a parent, I would be like, what are you doing?
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  I moved from my small town in Pennsylvania to Baltimore, MD,
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  just the two of us, no help. I went from having as much help
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  as I needed to zero help. What was I thinking?
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  And at that point in time, I would, I had zero me time and I
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  would just like, you know, emotionally and mentally, you
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  just start to have these moments where you're like, am I crazy?
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  And you're, you're thinking negative all not all the time,
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  but a lot more. So I started my first
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  realization before I understood what self-care really was, was I
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  would have, I always call it my coffee time.
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  I would wake up in the morning before blaze and I would just in
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  that I would read books, I would at the time smoke cigarettes.
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  I don't condone that. I do not do that.
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  But you know, I just and it was just an hour.
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  Sometimes it was 15 minutes that I was by myself and I could just
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  be. And when you feel the art of
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  just being one time in your life, that's that's the crux I
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  think of when you start really to learn self-care and what you
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  can do. And also, if you drink coffee
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  already, that's something free you can do for self-care.
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  Yes, I so you hit on a really important point here and I talk
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  about this a lot where the crux of just being take that time you
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  already have. So many times when I tell women
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  or talk to women when I ask them about self-care, like I don't
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  have time for that. I'm like you do you just we need
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  to identify where it already lives in your calendar that you
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  can grab that moment. And these can be moments.
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  They don't have to be big blocks of time if that's not where
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  you're at, but it can be those moments you talk about when you
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  just be. You're sitting in the quiet.
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  You don't have to do anything other than sip your coffee and
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  look outside and look at the birds or look at the window or
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  stare at the wall. You're just being and giving
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  yours and not taking in or giving out in any way that has a
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  ton of value in it. And then once you like grab that
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  and realize the impact of it, you're like, oh, wait a minute.
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  This really does make a difference because you talk
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  about when we get worn out and we are just hit the wall and we
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  as moms do this all the time. We are not pleasant to be
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  around. We are grumpy and irritable and
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  snapping at the ones our kids and our partners and our
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  coworkers and our neighbors. And I mean, that neighbor comes
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  over and complaints about your lawn at the wrong time of day.
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  You've good luck. You know, they just may have,
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  they have may have been the last straw that day.
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  And we laugh about these things, but they're all true.
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  And it doesn't have to be that way.
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  But we've been told from early days, from the time we were
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  little girls of what how we were expected to show up in the world
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  and be nice, be kind, put everyone else first.
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  Don't be selfish with that a real true, healthy understanding
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  of what was actually selfish versus what was actually taking
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  care of yourself so that you can have that full cup energy, clear
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  head and desire to be showing up and and showing out in the
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  places that feel healthy, unauthentic to you within a time
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  frame that feels doable and manageable.
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  There's nothing selfish about that.
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  Nobody wins when we show up as our mediocre to ourselves
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  because we're just fried all the time.
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  So I I'd love you hit on that moment.
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  You can grab piece and not doing the mom guilt thing.
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  We are all doing the best that we can.
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  I resigned myself to the fact years ago.
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  My kids are probably going to have to go to some some therapy
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  to unpack some of the things that happened.
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  And also, you know what, I've had to too, and I can own the
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  parts that I wished I would have done better as well as
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  acknowledge the parts where I did well.
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  All both of those things are true and and you're learning to
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  not because I would say that that's that can be a problem
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  sometime for parents when the kids come back and they're ready
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  to talk about some of these things.
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  Not getting defensive, being willing to listen and holding
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  the nuance of both these things are great.
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  These things weren't, I understand why those things
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  weren't based on what I know about your past and your
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  upbringing, but they still did damage.
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  They were still something that needed addressing that open and
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  listen to that conversation that is actually a gateway for a
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  healthier, closer relationship to your adult child rather than
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  just being defensive about it and living with.
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  I did the best I can. Why can't you?
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  You know, and that doesn't allow the and I, I know this from my
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  own experience, both with my own parents and having to work
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  through this with my own three adult children.
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  But yeah, you said I I'm so glad that you mentioned that too.
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  It's like we're not going to beat ourselves up about the
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  amount. And I I understand
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  wholeheartedly the pizza thing and the fast food thing.
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  And we had it was really funny. So for our middle, our youngest
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  daughter, she had a group of girls that she just played all
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  the sports with growing up. One of those girls parents owned
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  a Chinese restaurant and it was authentic, good Chinese food.
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  And they would, Brady would always pick up this girl from
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  the parents usually to take her. And she, they would, she would
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  come out with food like they would know that her dad had
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  prepared fresh because they would know these kids need to
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  eat. So they got a rest.
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  Courtney Courtney was the first one to really like and eat
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  because she got started eating Chinese food when she was, you
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  know, 3rd and 4th. Great.
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  But there was a lot of there was a lot of Papa Murphy's in there
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  too. And Subway.
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  I mean, so yeah, I, I, I get all that.
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  So I'm so glad you brought. But I wanted to just say you
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  just hits on some really important tidbits there.
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  And this goes nicely into confidently setting boundaries.
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  Talk to me about your boundaries journey.
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  And because again, we run around, we're taking care of
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  everybody else. We're doing all the things and,
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  you know, in between dropping off at practice, picking up for
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  practice. I mean, you talk at my kids were
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  in a lot of sports and piano lessons, drama and musicals at
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  that stuff is a it takes a lot of time.
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  And so like, OK, how do I find some space within that?
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  And I tell moms all the time, I'm like, while you're sitting
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  there at soccer practice waiting for your kid to finish, listen
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  to your favorite music, lean back and take a 20 minute nap,
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  listen to your favorite podcast, get out and go for a walk around
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  the soccer field, maybe with some other moms and have some
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  social connection. But what what are you know, ways
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  you can take within that time that already exists?
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  Talk to me about your journey with this as you've learned it
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  because you're especially you don't have a partner to help
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  with this. You're trying to figure this out
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  on your own on the flag. That's a lot.
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  Yes, it absolutely was a lot. And the, the as far as
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  boundaries go, unfortunately a lot of my boundaries came with
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  me getting so frustrated and so angry and so like I would boil
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  up over then I would create the boundary.
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  And that's unfortunate. I don't, I want to say it's
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  unfortunate. I, I, I live my life now in a,
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  in a state of mind that is, I can't change the past.
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  I can't change who I was back then.
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  I am the same person, but I have a lot, a lot of things about me
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  are so much different. I'm a lot more open.
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  I'm a lot more, I don't fly off the handle like I used to.
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  I, I preach and I, I want, I think the world is a better
• 12:50
  place with love and I think love rules the world.
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  And if you can find more love for yourself and for others,
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  that makes the world a better place, right?
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  So now I still get triggered. Don't listen.
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  I was yelling at somebody the other day because I got
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  triggered. So I like don't like, I can, I'm
• 13:09
  going to preach the love and the kindness and all that stuff.
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  But the reality is I still get triggered, right.
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  And I the my friend that I got triggered with, I was just like,
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  listen, I still get triggered because, you know, he's wanting
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  to like be more kind and more loving and just trying to figure
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  out himself or whatever. But I, I was like, I still get
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  triggered. I'm not perfect.
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  Yeah. And this is, this is taking away
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  from the boundaries. But but that bound, when I would
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  set boundaries, they were, they ended up not being, they were
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  less boundaries because I was just angry and done.
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  Yeah, rather than rather than being like smart enough to
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  realize I needed to set boundaries, I blew my top and
• 13:49
  then then I set the boundaries. But then like at that point,
• 13:53
  then it was more about I'm shaming myself because of the
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  way I set that boundary. I'm shaming myself because I
• 13:58
  could have been nicer. I'm shaming myself because I
• 14:00
  wasn't perfect, you know, all that stuff.
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  So now at this point, it's more about self forgiveness, self
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  love, and because I an unconditional love, because we
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  all say, I can sit here and tell you I want the love, I want to
• 14:17
  spread the love, but it's all about unconditional love for
• 14:20
  everybody. I have a friend.
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  They do not see eye to eye about about pretty much anything, but
• 14:26
  I see redeeming qualities for sure, man.
• 14:28
  He's my friend. But I have another friend who's
• 14:31
  like, I can't believe you can't even stand him and da, da, da.
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  And I'm like, listen, he has redeeming qualities.
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  I can't preach unconditional love if I can't give it.
• 14:38
  Yeah. And that's he can, he, can I, he
• 14:42
  deserves to be loved too, just because he doesn't think and
• 14:45
  believe like I do, which needs to be said in the world today,
• 14:48
  right now. Absolutely.
• 14:50
  I you know, so I mean, so I'm sorry, that was like off the
• 14:53
  topic of boundaries, but as far as boundaries go.
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  It was on the topic though because of the IT it was.
• 15:01
  So no, I, I I I. There was a lot of value in
• 15:04
  that. Yeah, I mean, I was just, you
• 15:07
  know, with the boundaries and just living your life, you a lot
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  of things. One thing that I learned in this
• 15:15
  journey that I've been on is every single response you have
• 15:19
  to anything. I don't care what anybody's done
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  to you is your responsibility. It's my responsibility if
• 15:24
  somebody talks mean to me, it's my responsibility for whatever
• 15:27
  is next. And like I said, I still get
• 15:31
  triggered. But when you take that
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  responsibility and as somebody who's like an ex control freak,
• 15:39
  that kind of gives you a little more control in your life.
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  Like why am I giving that person power over me?
• 15:45
  Or why am I giving this situation power over me?
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  Is it worthy of that? Is it worthy of me?
• 15:52
  Is this situation worthy of me, my time, my, my brain, my stress
• 15:57
  level? It's not, I can guarantee you
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  it's not never. It's not.
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  It never is. Yeah, if you're asking yourself
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  that question, you've already answered the question.
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  I think it's one of those. Things.
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  You know, it's one of those things and I get the like
• 16:12
  setting the boundary after the blow up.
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  I spent a lot of time doing that.
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  I also didn't have great examples of that growing up.
• 16:20
  So it was very much learning on the job with that.
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  And also boundaries are not a conversation we started having
• 16:29
  till 5 to 7 to 8 years ago. My oldest daughter, who's now
• 16:33
  30, came home 1 summer after an internship and wanted to talk to
• 16:38
  us about boundaries. And Brady and I were like, what,
• 16:42
  what are you talking about? And and she and she was like,
• 16:45
  and she was about 21 at the time, I think.
• 16:50
  And she was like, you know, when things get to a certain
• 16:53
  emotional state in either yourself or myself or anyone I'm
• 16:57
  in a conversation with, I'm going to call a time out on the
• 17:00
  conversation. And as we come back to it later,
• 17:03
  till we've all emotionally regulated and can talk to about
• 17:06
  it in a in a calm way that can get some results.
• 17:11
  And so that sounded good in theory until it happened.
• 17:15
  And then she wanted to stop. 1 And I was like, I am the mom
• 17:18
  here and I am not finished. And then I and then I had to
• 17:22
  really like sync with that and start really paying attention
• 17:26
  like. And my husband and I both like
• 17:29
  if we want to have a relationship with her moving
• 17:32
  forward, we need to examine this for that in itself.
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  And also if I can stop being defensive for 5 minutes, she's
• 17:41
  bringing up some really valid points that I think that I need
• 17:44
  to really examine. And that was really the
• 17:47
  beginning for us. And then of examining those
• 17:51
  boundaries. And then our younger two
• 17:52
  daughters did a similar internship, came home with kind
• 17:55
  of this same package of self-care and boundaries and
• 18:00
  healthy relationships and, and communicating expectations.
• 18:04
  And we started having some really hard but healthy dialogue
• 18:09
  in our family. And they start, you know, and I
• 18:12
  started seeing where this very codependent self, very, you
• 18:18
  know, hyper vigilant existence that I was living in based on a
• 18:25
  whole lot of trauma and a whole lot of background that had never
• 18:28
  really been unpacked, moved through and processed.
• 18:31
  But it was that beginning point of addressing the boundaries
• 18:35
  from instead of after a blow up, being in front of it.
• 18:40
  But you also said something so important, regardless of who we
• 18:43
  are in contact with, which we get to decide to a certain
• 18:49
  degree in our relationships, in jobs, not so much.
• 18:51
  You got to deal with, you got to deal with, but even at the end
• 18:54
  of the day, you got to decide. And if you have the privilege to
• 18:59
  do so, is this continuing to be a healthy place for me or do I
• 19:02
  need to make a change? We don't all all have that
• 19:04
  privilege to make that decision. But those are some things to
• 19:07
  consider. But whatever scenario you're in,
• 19:10
  it is your responsibility how you respond.
• 19:13
  And so I think it's a really important to acknowledge that.
• 19:16
  Yeah, that was really terrible what they said, but I'm still
• 19:19
  responsible for how I respond and show up in that situation.
• 19:23
  I still have to acknowledge that and hold both those things.
• 19:27
  But yeah, I had to learn. I talk about this almost every
• 19:31
  episode it seems like these days.
• 19:33
  But it's such a powerful premise that I have to come back to is,
• 19:38
  and it comes from both my therapist and from Ted Lasso.
• 19:42
  I got to give the Ted Lasso show that's new of being curious
• 19:46
  rather than judgmental and you know and so getting in it lead
• 19:52
  which leads me to that not shaming myself like OK in this
• 19:56
  season don't love it wish it would have never happened spent
• 19:59
  years stuffing it didn't want to talk about it didn't want
• 20:02
  anybody else to know the insurance and outs of it.
• 20:05
  What what was happening in my life that made.
• 20:10
  The scenario, what it was to think that that's how I needed
• 20:14
  to show up in that situation and what can I learn from that?
• 20:17
  And then getting like and really trying to approach it from that
• 20:21
  non judgmental, really like level standpoint so that I could
• 20:29
  be like, oh, and really being kind of analytical and OK, don't
• 20:33
  want to go back there. This is what I've learned about
• 20:35
  myself and also can see how it is I got there.
• 20:39
  I understand why that happened now and it will also inform me
• 20:45
  moving forward when these triggers come up.
• 20:48
  Because even with all the healing you do, you've mentioned
• 20:50
  it a couple times already, we are still, there's still things
• 20:53
  that are going to trigger us. It's part of the layers journey.
• 20:56
  You peel back one layer, you deal with it, you move through
• 20:58
  it, and another one has space to grow.
• 21:01
  Especially when you're continuing to learn and move
• 21:03
  forward. Your nervous system gets the
• 21:05
  cue. Oh, it's safe to move through
• 21:07
  this now. It's safe for this to come, you
• 21:10
  know, to the surface. So yeah, I think that that's
• 21:13
  such an important piece to remember.
• 21:15
  And that's like, OK, this really informs me of the time I can
• 21:19
  spend around these people before it's too much.
• 21:22
  I have a lot of sorry. I also think.
• 21:26
  I also think sometimes a really good tip I if you are getting
• 21:30
  angered by someone, first of all, sometimes when I get angry
• 21:33
  I have to, I can't come down right away and say that.
• 21:37
  But another good tip is 2 things.
• 21:41
  One is you never know what somebody else is going through.
• 21:45
  That is such a huge thing and I have learned this.
• 21:50
  A coach started it with one one of my coaches in 20 in 2022 and
• 21:56
  she said try to find the compassion and sometimes that's
• 22:00
  really, really, really hard. And I have a friend here who he,
• 22:06
  he's constantly mansplaining things and, and I'm like, dude,
• 22:10
  why are you doing that? Like I already know, like don't
• 22:12
  talk to me like that. And I get it's a triggering
• 22:14
  thing. It's one of my triggers.
• 22:16
  And then I have to take a step back and a breath and I have to
• 22:18
  say to myself, and I sometimes I'm like intention, intention
• 22:22
  because he's not intending to make me feel like shit.
• 22:25
  His intentions are not to make his intentions are actually to
• 22:28
  help me. So I have to take a step, take a
• 22:31
  breath. I still don't, I still will say,
• 22:32
  Hey, you're mansplaining this. Like I, I, I will tell him, but
• 22:36
  I have you have to take a breath and breathe and just be like
• 22:38
  intentions, because most of the time people don't want to hurt
• 22:41
  other people. Not intentionally, not to your
• 22:43
  face at least. You know, I mean.
• 22:45
  So. If you find that intention it
• 22:48
  gives you by default, it'll give you a little bit of compassion.
• 22:52
  I'm not saying let people talk to you crazy.
• 22:56
  I'm not saying like deal with this, just deal with it.
• 22:59
  But for your own mental stability and your own emotional
• 23:05
  stability or not even way more freedom, your emotional freedom,
• 23:10
  just take that. Yeah, take that breath and be
• 23:13
  like, OK, his, his or her intention is not to hurt me.
• 23:18
  It's probably whatever. I don't know what she's going
• 23:21
  through, whatever it could be. You know, there's a million
• 23:23
  things. But once you find that little
• 23:25
  tiny bit of compassion, you're like, oh, then it's fine.
• 23:27
  Then you walk away. It doesn't keep you up at night
• 23:29
  because you're angry and angry and angry because of that
• 23:32
  trigger that's going to keep. But who's that hurting?
• 23:34
  That person forgot about what they did to you that that person
• 23:37
  doesn't even care. You're still.
• 23:39
  Keeping yourself up at night. So that compassion piece is huge
• 23:43
  for me. Yeah, that's a really important
• 23:46
  piece, I think to remember because I mean, these are and
• 23:49
  you've also decided to be, you're able to continue to
• 23:52
  engage in this relationship because you've been able to
• 23:56
  establish that. I would imagine if you hadn't,
• 23:59
  but you would have to put some different boundaries around time
• 24:02
  if you hadn't done that for yourself.
• 24:04
  So I think that's a really important thing to point out
• 24:06
  too. Yeah, yeah.
• 24:09
  And if you're working with somebody that you have to see
• 24:12
  every day or four days a week, which is a 40 hours a week is a
• 24:16
  lot to spend with somebody that triggers you every second, you
• 24:19
  know. So that's you know, that's
• 24:23
  that's that's one of my ways of dealing with that.
• 24:25
  And I get to move for my job. But yeah, yeah, that's.
• 24:29
  Good. That's a great tip.
• 24:30
  That's a really great tip. Thank you.
• 24:31
  All right. And this kind of goes, this goes
• 24:33
  really nicely into this is taking care of our emotional
• 24:37
  health, physical health, mental health, spiritual health, It's
• 24:42
  all part of the package of tending to our health.
• 24:46
  These are all layers and our health.
• 24:48
  You just you just pointed out some connect points, you know,
• 24:52
  in the conversation we've had already, but talk to me about
• 24:55
  your journey with this and being able to identify those and you
• 24:58
  work in the medical world. So it's an interesting space
• 25:01
  where we talk a lot about the physical, but a lot of these
• 25:05
  other connect points can get lost in the conversation and we
• 25:08
  don't always deal with this or or address this in a holistic
• 25:12
  connect point manner. Yeah, I'm just going to hit
• 25:19
  separately and then I'm going to add it together.
• 25:20
  So physically for me, I, it, my physical health is important at
• 25:27
  one point in time, it's vanity. Sometimes it's still vanity.
• 25:31
  A lot of it is I like to be able to move freely and easily.
• 25:34
  And I love going for hikes and running and swimming.
• 25:38
  And I want to be able to do that forever, you know, And so that
• 25:43
  kind of my physical health keeps me, I stay active because I want
• 25:47
  to be active and I love, I love fun.
• 25:49
  So one of the things I do for fun is be physically active.
• 25:55
  My healthy eating, I eat very healthy.
• 25:57
  I have gone of course, up and down.
• 26:00
  I'm a vegan. I became vegan 13 years ago.
• 26:04
  That's my choice. That's what I love.
• 26:05
  I actually a year after I was vegan, I stopped being vegan and
• 26:09
  my friend said oh you are not nicest, not a vegan, you need to
• 26:13
  go back to vegan. But that's a very good
• 26:17
  correlation between the emotional physical connection,
• 26:20
  right, Right. So.
• 26:22
  It is the best thing for me and my mental.
• 26:25
  So I have gone through a lot of unhealthy because you can be
• 26:31
  unhealthy as a vegan. I know you know, there's a lot
• 26:34
  of very strongly about veganism, right?
• 26:37
  You know, so, but I have in the last few years, few years,
• 26:41
  really cleaned up my diet and I've been trying to eat whole.
• 26:44
  Now things I've noticed since I've cleaned up my diet and been
• 26:47
  healthy, I, I haven't lost weight.
• 26:50
  I I'm roughly the same, whatever, which is fine, but I'm
• 26:53
  happier. My brain is sharper, my PMS
• 26:56
  symptoms are less. I mean, little things like that
• 26:58
  are so huge that I'm like, OK, I want to stay in this field.
• 27:03
  And then so my emotional health, that's the thing I go back to
• 27:09
  like I'm a Virgo. I'm very, I'm very hard on
• 27:12
  myself. If I'm wrong, I shame myself.
• 27:15
  If I whatever, I'm shaming myself.
• 27:19
  So I have a job for 9 years. I, I have gone to school, I have
• 27:23
  got, I've got my bachelor's, I got my master's, but I'm doing
• 27:27
  this job with a 2 year education for 9 years.
• 27:29
  I hated it so much. I got a bachelor's, I got a
• 27:33
  master's, I got a functional nutritionist thing certificate,
• 27:38
  I'm a health coach. I did all this stuff because I
• 27:40
  hated this nine year job. Now Fast forward to now, I have
• 27:44
  done so much emotional work. I found my core wounds.
• 27:47
  I figured out why I react the way I do.
• 27:50
  I help people figure that out too because it is such a freedom
• 27:55
  for me. But so my, but I found the tools
• 27:59
  that I use almost every day, but I definitely used them every day
• 28:04
  when I was really going through this huge transition as I
• 28:07
  journal. I appreciate things every day of
• 28:10
  my life. I have the Marco Polo app and I
• 28:14
  have 4 friends that I pop on that app and I appreciate for,
• 28:18
  for whatever it is about my life.
• 28:19
  If I'm having the worst day, there's still things that I can
• 28:22
  appreciate. Yeah.
• 28:24
  You know, my dad passed away like, a year and a half ago.
• 28:27
  Crushed my soul, still crushes my soul.
• 28:29
  Something came up yesterday and I was bawling.
• 28:31
  So I mean, it happens. I mean, I'm not.
• 28:34
  Absolutely, even though I lost both my, you know, in 2023.
• 28:37
  So it grief is a sneaky. Terrible and sneaky thing.
• 28:41
  Yeah, yeah. So in, in I'm still sad.
• 28:45
  I'm always going to be sad. And I first thing I do is I
• 28:48
  allow myself emotions. That's so key.
• 28:53
  We try to tamp it down. We try to not have these
• 28:56
  emotions. I allow myself emotions.
• 28:58
  And it's, it's ironic because his birthday is October 5th and
• 29:01
  I was a mess. I was a mess for that day.
• 29:04
  I was a mess for Father's Day. And I'm just like falling.
• 29:08
  And then he died on October 27th of 23.
• 29:12
  And so on October 27th of 24, I, I, I allotted the day off.
• 29:18
  I'm not going to do anything this day.
• 29:20
  I'm just going to allow myself emotions.
• 29:21
  And ironically, I got so much stuff done around the house
• 29:24
  'cause I didn't need any. I didn't need to have any
• 29:26
  emotions. You totally giving.
• 29:28
  Yourself the room to fill them, though you didn't stop them.
• 29:33
  Right. And so, yeah.
• 29:34
  And but I, I can also appreciate so much stuff.
• 29:37
  First of all, my dad taught me unconditional love.
• 29:39
  Yeah. He taught me so much
• 29:40
  unconditional love that I appreciate.
• 29:42
  I can appreciate, I can appreciate that my dad didn't
• 29:45
  suffer. I can appreciate that he went to
• 29:47
  sleep and passed away. I appreciate the day that, you
• 29:50
  know, I appreciate my dad never got old.
• 29:52
  So yes, I'm still very, very, very sad that my dad is no
• 29:57
  longer with me and he and I don't get to have those great
• 29:59
  conversations and he's just he was just the light in this
• 30:03
  world, right? I'm still very sad about that.
• 30:06
  But I don't want to concentrate on so on anything negative.
• 30:09
  I just want like, how amazing and how lucky am I about to cry?
• 30:13
  How lucky am I that he, I got to be raised by a dad who loved me
• 30:17
  no matter the things that I thought that most people think
• 30:21
  are crazy, the veganism, He definitely thought that was
• 30:24
  crazy. He would be like, why would you
• 30:27
  do that? Why are you doing that?
• 30:29
  Oh my, Oh my gosh, Now I have to worry about this.
• 30:31
  But he was so proud of me in every step of my in my life, you
• 30:36
  know, and how long am I? Yeah, I you've pointed out
• 30:40
  something that I think is so important that would help
• 30:43
  everyone if they could grab on to it.
• 30:46
  The nuance of feeling both. You can feel the emotions and
• 30:52
  the mourning and the sadness and the gratitude at the same thing
• 30:57
  time. They don't have to be exclusive.
• 31:00
  And I think this is where people get in trouble.
• 31:03
  And I get very angsty when people start talking about
• 31:07
  positivity in a way that doesn't allow space to feel everything
• 31:12
  because you cannot authentic. If it's you're having to force
• 31:17
  it, then it's not authentic. And that tells me that you're
• 31:20
  not leaving space to feel all of these emotions so that you can
• 31:24
  move through them, cross them, and make space for the gratitude
• 31:28
  and being able to identify it organically.
• 31:32
  So thank you so much for that. That was such a great example of
• 31:36
  of all those things. I appreciate that.
• 31:38
  So much. Yes, and I think if you're in a
• 31:41
  career, I think this is also I'm going to put this out there
• 31:44
  because I do work in healthcare and if everybody knows that
• 31:48
  healthcare employees are getting burnt out, it's.
• 31:51
  It's. Shown by a million things.
• 31:54
  Yeah, I recently had somebody on my podcast, it's not aired yet,
• 31:59
  but she she's a nurse and we talked about, we talked a lot
• 32:03
  about self-care and this I can only speak from healthcare
• 32:06
  because that's what I do, but it's not just healthcare, but we
• 32:10
  as caretakers and we're constantly, I mean, Friday
• 32:14
  night, I work till six, I'm supposed to get off at 5:00.
• 32:19
  I work till No, I work till 7:00.
• 32:21
  And then something happened to that patient that we took back
• 32:25
  and the doctor was like, hey, can you guys come back?
• 32:27
  We ended up coming back and working till 9.
• 32:29
  Was that my obligation? No.
• 32:30
  Did I have to do that? Absolutely not.
• 32:32
  That patient would have lost his leg if I did not if we did not
• 32:35
  go back. Like they're the consequences.
• 32:38
  So. Saturday morning I did nothing.
• 32:41
  I slept in, you know, I did import like.
• 32:45
  So I, I think as caretakers in any field that you work in, that
• 32:50
  is where the self-care comes in. So it's so important.
• 32:55
  You need to to step away from your career, if I, if you will,
• 32:59
  you know, take a break. And I mean that in any even if
• 33:02
  you do something you love and you want to go to work every
• 33:04
  single day and you work all the time and you love it, it's like
• 33:06
  you're you still have to take a break.
• 33:09
  You do. So find those little time, you
• 33:12
  will burn out. Yeah.
• 33:13
  I think that also is what happens in Healthcare is people,
• 33:16
  they jump in there. Yeah.
• 33:17
  Because there's so much to learn and it is really interesting
• 33:20
  most of the time, Yeah, I think people jump in and then it's
• 33:23
  like, damn. And then it's expected of you
• 33:25
  and then it's expected of you. And then you're like, oh, I'm
• 33:27
  kind of. Tired.
• 33:29
  Yeah. You establish that you're
• 33:31
  available 24/7 all the time, and people will tap into that if you
• 33:35
  allow them to. And then you've got to explain
• 33:39
  and re establish boundaries with, you know, when you do
• 33:43
  like, wait a minute, this is not working for me.
• 33:45
  Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I read a meme that
• 33:48
  said something like just be careful if you're a giver, try
• 33:51
  not to be around too many takers because they don't have guilt
• 33:54
  for taking. No, no, we, we train people how
• 33:59
  to treat us and we train people in what it is we will they can
• 34:03
  get from us. And, and I don't think we, and
• 34:06
  we talked about that a few times on here, but I think we have to
• 34:09
  be very mindful of that, that we did it.
• 34:12
  It is a choice. We get to decide what we
• 34:16
  establish as our norm and we get to change our mind too.
• 34:20
  But when you change your mind, you've got to communicate it
• 34:22
  very clearly. And you may have to communicate
• 34:25
  it a few times because they will push and test those boundaries
• 34:28
  to see if you're if you're going to stick to them or not.
• 34:31
  Because they're just because they don't benefit when you're
• 34:34
  not giving what they got used to.
• 34:36
  So, yeah, really good point there, Really good point.
• 34:40
  And I think, you know, and not feeling guilty about it when you
• 34:43
  need to, but because I think again, it's really hard in
• 34:46
  healthcare because you have people's lives in your hands.
• 34:49
  And so that's a tricky balance. But you found that time the next
• 34:53
  day of like, yes, I need to do this and also not today folks, I
• 34:57
  am sleeping I. Am resting today, I'm taking
• 35:00
  some time. Off exactly, exactly.
• 35:02
  Thank you so much for that. I appreciate you sharing that
• 35:05
  with us. OK, how we can support ourselves
• 35:09
  and other women in living unapologetically.
• 35:13
  You have learned how to do this. It's been a journey though, but
• 35:17
  you've learned how to do this. And I really believe that the
• 35:20
  work you do now to help others is is an invitation for them to
• 35:25
  come along with you and do it as well.
• 35:27
  Talk to me about your journey with that, getting to this point
• 35:30
  where you understood it for yourself, and then you decided
• 35:32
  it's time for me to bring other people along with me on this and
• 35:36
  invite them into this possibility.
• 35:40
  Yeah, I think, well, first of all, I have a really great tribe
• 35:44
  that I've developed over the last five years.
• 35:45
  It's not something, it wasn't something that I had, but I
• 35:50
  would always hear things. You, you know, there's certain
• 35:52
  things that stick out in your life.
• 35:54
  Well, first of all, if I watch a movie and, and a woman or a, a
• 35:58
  human, I won't even say, but mostly women because it finds
• 36:01
  her empowerment. I'm a bawling mess.
• 36:04
  Like I'm crying. I'm like, oh, that, that like
• 36:07
  that triggers in a good way, like something in me.
• 36:11
  And so I, I, you know how when you, when you feel empowered,
• 36:14
  you're like, holy shit, am I allowed to say that?
• 36:17
  Yeah, absolutely. OK.
• 36:19
  OK, OK. Like holy shit, I can take on
• 36:21
  the world. Look who I am.
• 36:23
  If you have one moment like that, you're like, OK, then you
• 36:26
  want more than you want you want.
• 36:29
  Everyone else to know about it. Too.
• 36:30
  And then you want you and then and then it's like, so my job,
• 36:34
  my 9 year job, I talk about it a lot.
• 36:37
  It's important to know I still do the same thing.
• 36:42
  I hated it. And I have said this so many
• 36:45
  times. I'm like, they need to make
• 36:47
  changes. I'm angry, they need to make
• 36:49
  changes. They if they would have made all
• 36:51
  the changes I asked for, I was still going to be angry and I
• 36:54
  and hate my job. I would, I, I just, I, it was,
• 36:57
  it was inside of me. And so, so moving that, moving
• 37:02
  along with that, I still do the same job and I have different
• 37:05
  benefits and that's because my kid is older and stuff like
• 37:07
  that. But I had to change and find.
• 37:09
  I had to find my happy. I had to find my empowerment.
• 37:15
  And the first way for me to find my empowerment is I needed to
• 37:19
  forgive and love myself. And I talk about that a lot
• 37:23
  because it is so freaking hard. There's a book, The Untethered
• 37:27
  Soul by Michael Singer. In the 1st chapter.
• 37:30
  He says would you say I'm, I'm ad libbing and, you know, not
• 37:36
  quoting. Yeah.
• 37:37
  He says something along the lines of would you say what you
• 37:41
  say to yourself? To your friends?
• 37:45
  Because the answer is always going to be no.
• 37:46
  The answer is going. To be no, for me, it's going to
• 37:48
  be no. And so I'm like, OK, so my words
• 37:52
  matter and I don't, I don't really think this like growing
• 37:57
  up and whatever, my words matter so much more than I gave them
• 38:01
  credit for. So now I'm, I'm, I'm recognizing
• 38:04
  who I am. I'm recognizing that I do have
• 38:07
  power. I can't empower other people.
• 38:10
  It's so important to understand that I would.
• 38:13
  I felt so disempowered. I allowed, I allowed myself to
• 38:18
  feel disempowered. That's important because I
• 38:21
  allowed myself to do that. Excuse me, but the point is not
• 38:26
  empowered. Like once you find that one
• 38:28
  little thing, it might be as simple as, I don't know,
• 38:32
  scrubbing a really nice case and being feeling really good about
• 38:36
  it. And this is like in my career,
• 38:38
  it might be something like that. Celebrate that win, celebrate.
• 38:40
  Oh my gosh, I'm off 1 transportation.
• 38:42
  Celebrate these little tiny things that are making you the
• 38:46
  bad ass that you actually are. And then you're going to start
• 38:49
  saying, Oh, I can do this. And don't get me wrong, you're
• 38:51
  going to have steps back because sometimes I'm like, am I really
• 38:54
  doing this? Am I?
• 38:55
  But I, it feels so good to walk in a room full of women, just
• 39:02
  have normal conversations and just know that you're even if
• 39:06
  you don't, you're lighting them up.
• 39:09
  Your your job is my job in this world, I feel like is to light
• 39:12
  people up. I'm not going to tell you lies
• 39:15
  and talk about you like you're the greatest thing in the whole
• 39:17
  wide world, But I am going to find the amazing things about
• 39:20
  you. And I'm going to let you know
• 39:21
  what they are, right? Everybody has something amazing
• 39:24
  about them. Yes, I'm going to find what they
• 39:27
  are and I'm going to tell you about them.
• 39:29
  And if I tell you one compliment that makes you feel a tiny bit
• 39:32
  empowered, you might go do something for somebody else.
• 39:34
  And it's a trickle effect of empowerment.
• 39:37
  What? Because we do, we talk about
• 39:40
  like, why do we get dressed up? Why do we?
• 39:42
  We don't do it for the men. We don't do it for a
• 39:44
  relationship. We do it because other women
• 39:46
  appreciate it. We all set to.
• 39:49
  A point. Yeah, it's so true.
• 39:52
  We do it because women, I mean, and we talk about each other
• 39:56
  negatively. Let's change that up.
• 39:59
  And the more we do it, the more. We spread it and it's like the
• 40:04
  more love in for yourself, but the more love I could just put
• 40:07
  out. And I like shade the whole world
• 40:09
  with love and everybody, you know.
• 40:11
  And then it's like, oh, she was so nice to me.
• 40:14
  I'm going to, I'm going to be nicer.
• 40:15
  And like I said earlier in the conversation, you never know
• 40:19
  what somebody else is going through.
• 40:20
  If somebody's having the worst day of their life and you're at
• 40:23
  the store and something's happening and you're like, you
• 40:25
  can go in front of me and they're like, oh, that's, you
• 40:28
  know, like little tiny things like that might have.
• 40:31
  They might be going through something.
• 40:33
  It's so bad that they're like, oh, there is niceness in the
• 40:36
  world and just one little thing might change somebody's whole
• 40:39
  day. Yeah.
• 40:41
  Anyway, yeah. It's so important.
• 40:43
  I don't even know if they answered any questions.
• 40:45
  Yeah. Absolutely did because you hit
• 40:47
  on so many important things. And one of the things I talk
• 40:50
  about here all the time is like this piece of showing first
• 40:55
  unapologetically up for yourself.
• 40:57
  You have to, I think in order to show up and apologetically for
• 41:01
  others, you have to learn to do because you have to have
• 41:04
  something to give from when you take, when you got that love in
• 41:08
  for yourself, you've got it to give out.
• 41:10
  When you found that that thing that works for you, you want
• 41:13
  others to know about it. And if we're going to make
• 41:15
  meaningful changes for women in this world, we've got to do it
• 41:19
  together. We've got to be appreciative
• 41:23
  and, and open to other women's stories and the things that and
• 41:28
  getting cured. Like we I've talked about
• 41:30
  earlier and you've talked about the, the compassion, being
• 41:33
  curious about what is in their background that makes them feel
• 41:36
  like they've got to show up in that way.
• 41:38
  That honestly doesn't feel nice. But they've got something going
• 41:41
  on there that that has just created a space where they feel
• 41:45
  like this is necessary. There's a lot of systems that
• 41:49
  have been in place in our culture for forever that want to
• 41:52
  keep us at each other. They want it on, want us to see
• 41:55
  each other as a competition. They don't want us coming
• 41:57
  together because if we come together and all of our power,
• 42:00
  it will force change. We will continue to demand to be
• 42:06
  heard and seen. And that doesn't mean we're
• 42:09
  trying to get rid of the men. It just means we want the same
• 42:13
  opportunities and the same safe spaces to exist and to be seen
• 42:19
  and heard. And I think it's really
• 42:21
  important to say that, but it comes from that unapologetically
• 42:25
  loving yourself well. And that's what I, you know, I
• 42:27
  talk about this and accepting layered aspects of ourselves,
• 42:30
  which we'll get to in a minute. You will value what it is that
• 42:34
  you see as valuable. If you don't see yourself yes,
• 42:38
  as valuable, you won't prioritize yourself and see all
• 42:42
  those gems about yourself and you and it will be very
• 42:45
  difficult to see those gems and other people.
• 42:48
  So thank you so much for all of that.
• 42:50
  That was so good. All right, and you talk about
• 42:53
  this a lot on your platform too, living out of your own
• 42:56
  expectations versus others expectations.
• 43:00
  Talk to me about your expectations, Ernie.
• 43:03
  I have a whole episode on my podcast about about
• 43:06
  expectations, because if you are trying to fulfill somebody
• 43:13
  else's expectations, you are always going to fail.
• 43:15
  You are always going to fail and you are always going to feel bad
• 43:18
  about yourself. And then I'm not so
• 43:22
  expectations, I will paint them in a negative light.
• 43:25
  They're not completely negative. I actually have a friend who was
• 43:28
  like, I think expectations as a parent are good.
• 43:30
  I was like, yeah, so as a parent you have, I expect my kid to
• 43:33
  graduate high school, you know, whatever.
• 43:36
  You can go through the whole thing.
• 43:37
  But in society today, for me, expectations are almost always
• 43:45
  negative because I, because I for, for my own expectations of
• 43:49
  myself. If I don't meet my expectations
• 43:52
  once, I'm going to beat myself up because I failed.
• 43:55
  If I, if I do meet my expectations, then my
• 43:59
  expectations get higher. And then if I don't meet those
• 44:02
  expectations, I fail. And all this equals in the end
• 44:05
  for me. I can't completely speak for
• 44:09
  everybody, but I feel like I'm like, which I think it's great.
• 44:13
  If my expectations on myself can consistently go up, that's
• 44:17
  great. That means I am moving up in the
• 44:20
  world. It is.
• 44:21
  I'm doing things I want to do, but it's the key to that for me
• 44:26
  is if I don't meet my own expectations, it's OK.
• 44:30
  Yeah, it's OK. So you're going to keep trying
• 44:33
  until you eventually get there. It's OK if you expected to get
• 44:36
  this done by Saturday, but life happened and you worked 312
• 44:41
  hours because life happened. Doesn't even.
• 44:43
  I don't even want to put a reason.
• 44:45
  The, the reason might be it's Wednesday and you're tired and
• 44:49
  you just need to sleep. Like who cares?
• 44:52
  That's the so then with when other people put expectations on
• 44:56
  you, which happens a lot, and you're trying to meet them and
• 45:00
  it's not, they're never. And I'm not saying people who
• 45:02
  put expectations on you, are they, they probably love you.
• 45:06
  They, you know, but trying to meet somebody else's
• 45:09
  expectations of you, are you being true to yourself?
• 45:12
  And then it's AI might be beating myself up because I'm
• 45:16
  losing my own personal integrity to be the person I want to be
• 45:20
  because I want, I'm trying to be whoever this person wants me to
• 45:23
  be. So then it's a whole thing of
• 45:26
  shaming yourself because maybe you're feeling like you're a
• 45:29
  fraud or you know, it's just a a catastrophe of things.
• 45:35
  Yeah. And I and it goes and it goes
• 45:37
  back to self love and self forgiveness.
• 45:41
  Just forgive yourself for who you are.
• 45:42
  You don't even have to forgive yourself for who you are.
• 45:44
  If you love who you are then it's fine.
• 45:48
  And you know, I would get that. I love me and people think, well
• 45:51
  maybe you're being selfish or maybe you're being XY and Z.
• 45:54
  But I think when self love isn't a conceited thing, self love to
• 46:01
  me is just allowing yourself to be who you are emotionally,
• 46:07
  physically. If you don't love your body, you
• 46:10
  can still wait. You can love your body.
• 46:13
  You are allowed to love your body and still want to make it
• 46:16
  better. Yes, again, the nuance again
• 46:20
  that with the nuance, oh man, we can we can ignore.
• 46:24
  I am not broken. I am not a mess.
• 46:27
  I am a learning, growing, flawed human.
• 46:31
  All those things are true. I mean, I, I let you said, you
• 46:35
  said you laid out expectations so well.
• 46:38
  And it's like that being true to yourself because again, we get
• 46:42
  so many scripts from early on and at some point we got to
• 46:45
  unpack those scripts and determine, is this actually
• 46:48
  aligned with who I am? Who am I trying to please here?
• 46:52
  And how is this serving me and my health and well-being?
• 46:55
  But you've laid that out so well.
• 46:57
  Thank you so much for that. That was great.
• 46:58
  I knew you'd have a lot to say about that.
• 47:01
  OK, this goes nicely into, you know, coming back to your why
• 47:05
  and your values. This really lays the groundwork.
• 47:08
  If you understand your why and your values and make sure
• 47:12
  they're coming from a healthy place out of your own
• 47:14
  expectations and not other people's, it allows you to
• 47:19
  really live your life authentically to you.
• 47:22
  It allows you to know where you might need some healthy
• 47:26
  boundaries in your time. Make spaces you exist in
• 47:30
  relationships relationships that why and values and expectations
• 47:34
  and boundaries have a very close relationship and that really
• 47:38
  like envelopes into your love for yourself and yourself care.
• 47:40
  They're all connected. But talk to me about, you know,
• 47:43
  getting back to those why and those you talked about starting
• 47:46
  to do work that now you're in the same job, but you don't hate
• 47:49
  it anymore. You had to, I would imagine
• 47:51
  find. OK, let's get back to what do I
• 47:54
  value? What is my why and where do I
• 47:57
  need to examine to make sure this is all in a alignment with
• 48:01
  me? Yeah, for my so, that's a that's
• 48:09
  a really great question. But my why, so my why right now
• 48:12
  in this life is my why is hey, I want to continue to feel
• 48:18
  amazing. That's, that's what I and that
• 48:21
  if that sounds selfish, I'm, I'm spreading that to anyone.
• 48:25
  You know, I also appreciate I learned how to appreciate the
• 48:29
  things about my job. If, if that meant so I go back
• 48:33
  to the appreciations, how important it is.
• 48:36
  I could dwell on the things I don't like about my job.
• 48:39
  Yesterday, I scrubbed a 3 1/2 hour case and all my feet
• 48:42
  wearing lead and it was exhausting.
• 48:43
  It was hard, but I appreciate that I got to work with the
• 48:46
  doctor I love. I appreciate that we took care
• 48:50
  of a patient. We helped the patient.
• 48:51
  Like I can appreciate all these things.
• 48:53
  I appreciate that this job I have affords me to do things to
• 48:59
  chase my dreams and my passions. So right now I'm telling you, I
• 49:04
  still do the same job. Do I want to do it forever?
• 49:05
  Probably not. I am work.
• 49:07
  I'm a coach now. I'm a podcaster and I'm doing
• 49:11
  things because my why is I want to help people feel as good as I
• 49:15
  do. I want to help people merge the
• 49:18
  health because I'm a health coach and an empowerment
• 49:20
  strategist. I want to help people.
• 49:22
  I want to merge those two things.
• 49:24
  I want to help people feel emotionally and physically free.
• 49:28
  And that doesn't mean a cage around yourself physically, I it
• 49:31
  means exercising. It means finding joy in life and
• 49:40
  just, you know, being feeling amazing, understanding that the
• 49:46
  where you are can change if you just change your mind.
• 49:51
  I didn't love. I didn't love the job.
• 49:53
  Now I have so many aspects of the job I love.
• 49:55
  I, I have, I am so I am. I am so lucky with my job.
• 50:00
  I have met some of the most amazing humans in the world.
• 50:06
  Different walks of life, different political backgrounds,
• 50:10
  different everything. And do you know what ends up
• 50:14
  happening all the time? Because it's interesting,
• 50:16
  because I've been to like very Democratic places, very
• 50:20
  Republican places. And I'm not going to talk about
• 50:22
  politics, but I'm going to tell you what happened in all those
• 50:24
  places. I found love all those places.
• 50:29
  I find nothing but love and amazing people.
• 50:31
  Do I love everybody? I'm going to say no, but my I've
• 50:36
  had two people say, don't you think you'll use that word too
• 50:38
  much? No, I don't.
• 50:41
  But I find things about people, every person.
• 50:43
  I find love in those people. And I'm lucky enough that I find
• 50:48
  love in those people, and they also find it in me.
• 50:51
  Yeah, and you do it in a very authentic way, which means
• 50:55
  you're not using it too much. And I think the using it too
• 50:58
  much comes from people that need to re examine what their view of
• 51:01
  love is and what it means to them.
• 51:03
  And I also want to point out that feeling amazing and wanting
• 51:07
  that for yourself, it should never be identified as selfish.
• 51:11
  Don't we want people we love to feel amazing?
• 51:14
  But that is we're, it's so ingrained in us as women to
• 51:19
  that, that that is something we have to be mindful of or be
• 51:22
  careful about that, you know, that we're still moving
• 51:25
  ourselves to like, no, I want to feel amazing.
• 51:28
  I should feel amazing. That should be the norm.
• 51:32
  And I want others to feel amazing, you know, I want others
• 51:34
  to feel amazing too. We can do this.
• 51:37
  And so you, you found that way to channel that energy that's
• 51:42
  authentic to you, which then changed your whole mindset about
• 51:46
  this workspace you lived in. But it came back to you getting
• 51:49
  in alignment with yourself, which I think is so it's so
• 51:53
  good. It's such a great example of the
• 51:55
  power and importance of doing our own work.
• 51:59
  We can move and change our settings 1000 times and it might
• 52:05
  be better in the short term, but at some point we're going to
• 52:08
  meet ourselves again. And that unprocessed, unresolved
• 52:13
  stuff that's going on with us is still going to be there.
• 52:16
  Whether we are living in a cold Midwestern winter city or we are
• 52:22
  sitting on the beaches in Maui, it doesn't matter.
• 52:25
  It's going to be it's going to come back to meet you.
• 52:28
  So you've got to meet yourself where you are and it's hard and
• 52:32
  also so empowering. It is so empowering.
• 52:37
  Decide that you are worth doing it and that you can find
• 52:42
  contentment. You can find happiness, and that
• 52:46
  is your responsibility. It is not your job or your
• 52:49
  partners or your kids or your locations responsibility.
• 52:54
  It's yours and you have figured that out.
• 52:57
  Yeah. And I, I will tell you, I was
• 52:59
  working with a doctor, I don't know, probably 15 years ago.
• 53:03
  And I kept saying, I think I want to move.
• 53:04
  I think I want to move again. I was brand new to West
• 53:07
  Virginia, where I was at. I was like, I think I want to
• 53:09
  move again. And he said, and he what he I,
• 53:12
  it comes across as very rude, but it's he what he meant that
• 53:15
  he was like, you know, you have to take you with you.
• 53:18
  Yeah. And I was like, yeah, that hit
• 53:20
  me right in the heart and in a good way.
• 53:22
  I was like, you're right. Absolutely.
• 53:24
  I'm always going to keep running not not that I need it fixed,
• 53:29
  but if I didn't deal with it. Yeah, exactly.
• 53:33
  Deal with those things that were keeping you from living your
• 53:35
  healthiest, most authentic life. And I think that I've tried to
• 53:39
  really replace healthiest with best because best and better and
• 53:43
  good and bad put these kind of moralistic expectations on us
• 53:47
  that can be really unhealthy. Let's live our healthiest, most
• 53:51
  authentic, most organic and, you know, true to ourselves life.
• 53:55
  But yeah, I've, I've, I've had that similar question of what
• 53:58
  are you running from? What are you running from?
• 54:00
  I've had other close people in my life that I've had to ask
• 54:03
  them. All right, you want to move
• 54:04
  again? What are you running from?
• 54:05
  Because this is a pattern with you.
• 54:07
  You get about a year and a half in and you're all of a sudden
• 54:10
  you get angsty. Why?
• 54:12
  Because that keeps following you.
• 54:14
  And so I think that's such an important real realization to to
• 54:19
  get to sit with, you know, and. And it's, I love, I love that
• 54:24
  you were, you're, you changed it to best because I'm very
• 54:28
  perfectionism in some ways. Me too.
• 54:31
  Like I'll be on, I'll be on a diet.
• 54:33
  And if I mess it up one day and then I'm then I'll be like,
• 54:36
  well, I messed it up yesterday. I might as well mess it up for
• 54:38
  the next month or whatever. If you, yeah, if you take away
• 54:42
  that perfectionism, you know what I did yesterday?
• 54:46
  I ate something terrible for me and it was delicious.
• 54:49
  And so I'm going to, I'm going to savor it, appreciate it and
• 54:52
  move on from it rather than keep it in my, my guilt trap myself,
• 54:56
  my shame, my shame trap that I have so often, unfortunately.
• 55:01
  So yeah, I love that that. I can't.
• 55:04
  Take. Total responsibility for it.
• 55:06
  I I got it from my friend Doctor Fanny label on Sharon.
• 55:10
  And she actually made the, she's like, can I suggest something?
• 55:12
  I'm like, yeah. And she's been a guest on the
• 55:14
  podcast and she's been on our panels with this and she's sick.
• 55:19
  And I'm like, that's really good.
• 55:20
  I'm going to, I'm going to take that and try to reinstitute my,
• 55:24
  you know, healthiest. I'm like, OK, what's healthy for
• 55:27
  me? I love that.
• 55:29
  I love that so much. All right, accepting the layered
• 55:32
  aspects of ourselves. We've really been doing that
• 55:35
  this whole conversation and and that's been an interwoven part
• 55:39
  of this discussion. But talk to me a bit about your
• 55:42
  journey with that and being able to cause I've had to do it too.
• 55:46
  Accept all those pieces, parts, decisions made and exchanges had
• 55:51
  that you've been able to just get to a real acknowledgement.
• 55:55
  I don't have to love it, but I don't need to shame it and hide
• 55:58
  it anymore. There was a stage of life I was
• 56:00
  in that I can get where I got there and I'm going to.
• 56:03
  I'm going to move forward from that.
• 56:05
  We're not going to sit with that and bury myself in that.
• 56:09
  Yeah, I think, I think that's this is the key to everything.
• 56:13
  I think it's self acceptance. And I've talked, I'm thought we
• 56:15
  would talk about self love this whole conversation and it's all
• 56:19
  to me, it's all buried into one, excuse me, but I think it's all
• 56:23
  together. Self love, self acceptance, self
• 56:26
  forgiveness, just being kind to yourself.
• 56:31
  Once you learn how to do that, you're going to fall off the
• 56:33
  wagon. I I can promise you.
• 56:36
  Absolutely. In my perfectionism ways, I have
• 56:38
  tried really hard to be perfect with it, but I fail.
• 56:41
  So I allow myself to fail. I allow.
• 56:44
  The key now for me is I, I do. I feel amazing all I'm pretty
• 56:48
  much all the time now, not all the time I get triggered.
• 56:51
  I I feel I have bad days. I have, I allow the I allow
• 56:56
  them. And if I start to have multiple
• 56:59
  bad days, I have tools like I my one of my journal things.
• 57:03
  If I'm, if I'm starting to be really shameful of myself,
• 57:09
  actually one of the first things that when I start to get out of
• 57:12
  alignment, it's really funny because I'm preaching this
• 57:14
  kindness, I will feel myself being judgy to others in my
• 57:20
  head, never in my head. When I'm starting to be judgy,
• 57:24
  when I'm starting to be judgy toward others, I'm like, oh, I'm
• 57:28
  out of alignment. It's not about them.
• 57:31
  It's about me out of alignment. So I will journal.
• 57:34
  One of the first things I do is I journal appreciations about
• 57:37
  myself. What do I appreciate about
• 57:39
  myself? That was something that was such
• 57:42
  a hard thing to do when I first started to do it.
• 57:45
  I could do 3A day and a lot of it was like, I appreciate I'm a
• 57:48
  good mom. And then I would I would write
• 57:51
  that down and then I would think about that like am IA good mom
• 57:55
  and you know what pops up all the negatives all the way you
• 57:57
  feel. Like you're.
• 57:59
  All these I'm not a good mom. And then I pop it pops up in my
• 58:02
  brain eventually like I am so close to my 21 year old son.
• 58:05
  I am so lucky that I can allow him to speak how he wants to
• 58:10
  speak to me kindly. Of course, you know, Yeah, yeah.
• 58:13
  Meaning he can say things and I I don't get triggered.
• 58:16
  Now we still have our arguments. Mother, son, it's it is what it
• 58:19
  is. But you know, once you find all
• 58:21
  that self love, self self acceptance, you find the tools
• 58:24
  how to keep it, you're not going to or how to shorten the length
• 58:28
  of your law, right? You know, like if you're having
• 58:30
  some down weeks, rather it be weeks, let's just make it a
• 58:33
  week. Let's write things down.
• 58:34
  Let's meditate. I, you know, and the meditating,
• 58:38
  I often talk about this too, because, you know, if I did
• 58:42
  every single thing that I wanted to do in my morning routine, I'd
• 58:44
  have to get up at 3:00 in the morning and probably do things
• 58:48
  at night and you know, it would be so long.
• 58:50
  So I find other ways I have to scrub my hands when I first
• 58:53
  started this journey, so I would scrub my hands.
• 58:56
  Meditating is about being in the now it's trying to, you're
• 58:59
  trying to clear your head, you know, as best you can, but it's
• 59:04
  things are still going to go through there.
• 59:06
  So what I would do is I would scrub my hands in the, I would
• 59:10
  because for 5 minutes, it's a long time.
• 59:11
  So I would feel my feet on the ground and I'm scrubbing my
• 59:14
  hands, but I'm feeling my feet, I'm working my way up my body.
• 59:17
  I'm feeling the water run off my arms.
• 59:19
  I'm feeling the soap thingies between underneath my nails like
• 59:23
  I'm in that moment for 5 minutes.
• 59:25
  And that goes back to make it part of your day.
• 59:29
  Yes, yes. Such a good make it part of your
• 59:31
  day. It's something I do every
• 59:34
  single. Day, sometimes multiple times a
• 59:37
  day. So I, I get that 5 minutes of
• 59:39
  just being. So now I, I, I always talk about
• 59:42
  how much free time I have now I don't even know what to do with
• 59:45
  myself because I'm not raising a son any, I mean, you know, he's,
• 59:48
  he's an adult son. So I, and I live by myself and I
• 59:51
  do have a ton of free time. So I, I wake up and when I'm
• 59:55
  down or when I'm not out of alignment, I'll say I'll have I,
• 1:00:00
  I just redo my, I start my morning routine, I journal, I
• 1:00:03
  meditate. And a lot of times it's just for
• 1:00:05
  5 minutes, just enough to bring myself back to my body, to take
• 1:00:10
  a breath and just be enough to where I can remind myself.
• 1:00:18
  You feel better in alignment and you are worthy to be in
• 1:00:21
  alignment as much as you can. You are worthy to be happy
• 1:00:24
  because most of the time it's I'm feeling unworthy or not
• 1:00:27
  enough. So I'm.
• 1:00:28
  I am. And if I say to myself I am
• 1:00:32
  worthy, of course I'm going to be like, well, I did this one
• 1:00:35
  screwed up thing 25 years ago. Am I still worthy?
• 1:00:38
  Yeah, you are. You can't change it enough.
• 1:00:40
  You are worthy of a beautiful life, an amazing life, joys and
• 1:00:45
  happiness and freedom. So that's what the other things
• 1:00:48
  I remind myself of. And and then you see like I live
• 1:00:51
  an amazing life. Look at this life I live.
• 1:00:54
  Yeah, yeah. It is really amazing what those.
• 1:00:56
  Little things can do. Again, going back to doesn't
• 1:01:00
  have to be these big grandiose things.
• 1:01:02
  I started tracking my wins like I, I, I wasn't like beating up
• 1:01:07
  on myself, but I would get to like, I I'd arrive at a space
• 1:01:11
  and then I would set the bar higher.
• 1:01:13
  And I wasn't. And I was, and I wasn't taking
• 1:01:16
  the time to recognize the wins along the way.
• 1:01:19
  I wasn't beating myself up, but I just wasn't acknowledging.
• 1:01:22
  OK, yeah, go ahead and set the bar higher, keep learning more,
• 1:01:25
  keep evolving and growing. But also, did you take a moment
• 1:01:29
  to celebrate XY and Z within this space?
• 1:01:33
  Or did you take a moment to celebrate that you gave yourself
• 1:01:36
  a break here and allowed yourself this room to rest?
• 1:01:38
  And I was like, oh, and so I've started and that just that
• 1:01:42
  little bit. And my husband is a big
• 1:01:45
  proponent of this and I hated it for years because I think I was
• 1:01:49
  so perfection, performance driven just in order to see my
• 1:01:54
  value. But he's like, enjoy the
• 1:01:56
  journey. You're racing towards the finish
• 1:01:59
  line so much and you're missing. And I was a sprinter, so he
• 1:02:03
  would use the analogy. He's like, this is not a 200
• 1:02:06
  meter dash, you know, So slow down a little and and see.
• 1:02:11
  And I would just be like, and then I finally, when I was able
• 1:02:16
  to actually sit with myself and allow myself space where the
• 1:02:21
  noise wasn't, I had accepted the noise and accepted.
• 1:02:26
  The parts of myself. That needed to be accepted.
• 1:02:28
  I could all of a sudden sit and be present and enjoy the
• 1:02:32
  journey. I wasn't living in
• 1:02:33
  disassociation anymore. And so I think it just allowing
• 1:02:37
  that. So I love the scrub example.
• 1:02:39
  Another great example of ladies, whatever moment you're in, this
• 1:02:43
  is something you already have to do.
• 1:02:45
  Where is that? That's a great use of your time.
• 1:02:48
  I mean, you're doing, you know, I mean, I think that's
• 1:02:52
  wonderful. Thank you so much and thank you
• 1:02:53
  for all of that, so much wisdom and all that you've said there.
• 1:02:56
  All right, in living out feel, finding empowerment, embracing
• 1:03:01
  layers. Talk to me about how this is
• 1:03:03
  we've heard a lot and I think we can see, but summarize how this
• 1:03:06
  has impacted your relationship with yourself as well as your
• 1:03:10
  relationship with other people. Because you talked about the
• 1:03:13
  last five years, you've got this tribe now.
• 1:03:15
  And I think when we start doing this work and we can start
• 1:03:18
  seeing our value and loving ourselves well, it impacts how
• 1:03:21
  we show up in relationships and also the kind of people we
• 1:03:24
  attract in relationships. I I think I think that is that.
• 1:03:29
  Is the number one thing that has evolved so much.
• 1:03:35
  I'm I'm going to talk about my sister for a second.
• 1:03:37
  She's I have two sisters. I love them both dearly, but my
• 1:03:40
  younger sister and I are like sick as thieves.
• 1:03:42
  We when we were younger, my mom kind of forced us together.
• 1:03:46
  We she made us dress alike. We're two years apart.
• 1:03:48
  We dressed alike. My older sister would get to
• 1:03:49
  bring a friend and it was always she was like, so we are
• 1:03:53
  grown-ups and she's my best friend.
• 1:03:55
  So one of the things that really started me on this journey, we
• 1:03:59
  used to FaceTime every Monday. She was in a relationship for a
• 1:04:03
  really, really long time and it wasn't a great relationship, but
• 1:04:06
  we Facetimed every Monday faithfully every Monday.
• 1:04:09
  I loved it, I appreciated it, we loved it.
• 1:04:12
  OK so Fast forward she, her and her boyfriend break up which
• 1:04:16
  good I support her. I always told her I'm team Sam
• 1:04:18
  no matter what happens. OK So what happened was she got
• 1:04:23
  a new boyfriend, love the guy, great guy.
• 1:04:27
  She stopped doing FaceTime Mondays.
• 1:04:29
  It broke my heart at the same time I was going through a
• 1:04:33
  heartbreak at the same time I was having mommy issues.
• 1:04:35
  I'm just going to say it like that because we all probably at
• 1:04:38
  some point in your life, maybe not all of us, but a lot of us.
• 1:04:40
  So I'm like, Oh my gosh, my, I was crushed.
• 1:04:44
  My best friend doesn't want to talk to me on every Monday for
• 1:04:47
  hours. And this will go back to giving
• 1:04:53
  away your power. She didn't.
• 1:04:54
  She felt bad of course, and we talked about it.
• 1:04:57
  And when I realized she doesn't love me less, she doesn't love
• 1:05:03
  me less, I still love her. So as far as accepting so I
• 1:05:09
  realized my unconditional love for her.
• 1:05:13
  I can't say I'm Team Sam and then be mad at her and not speak
• 1:05:16
  to her because she took something away that I loved.
• 1:05:19
  And actually, she never asked for that responsibility for me
• 1:05:24
  to try to. She didn't have expectations for
• 1:05:26
  me. She had like in my brain, she
• 1:05:28
  had expectations for me. She never gave me expectations,
• 1:05:31
  but in my brain she gave me these expectations.
• 1:05:34
  So I was like, I learned so much from that that I was like, oh,
• 1:05:39
  here's my unconditional love. My unconditional love is I
• 1:05:42
  really am team Sam. I love her no matter what.
• 1:05:45
  I really am team Lib. That's my other sister.
• 1:05:47
  I love her no matter what. It's there's no expectations of
• 1:05:51
  somebody else that can make me change that.
• 1:05:54
  So, so that I'm going to here I am, I'm going to people are
• 1:05:58
  going to come into my life and they may love me, they may not.
• 1:06:01
  I am not for everyone. I am a lot.
• 1:06:02
  I talk a lot. I'm I'm not loud, but I'm not
• 1:06:05
  quiet either. So, you know, I get that I'm not
• 1:06:07
  going to be for everyone, right? So when I start to meet these
• 1:06:11
  people who just love me and I'm like, wait, hold on there.
• 1:06:15
  You know who you're talking to. Because I came like, I allowed a
• 1:06:17
  lot of people to take my power for nine years.
• 1:06:21
  Yeah. And, and I just, and I, I didn't
• 1:06:23
  love me. So when I start meeting these
• 1:06:25
  people, I'm upping, you know, my vibration.
• 1:06:28
  And I'm meeting these people who are up here already and I'm
• 1:06:31
  like, how are they loving me? Because they're so freaking
• 1:06:33
  amazing. Holy shit.
• 1:06:35
  They love me. And then I'm like, oh, because
• 1:06:38
  here's how I love me. Here's how I unconditionally
• 1:06:40
  love me. So then I'm getting all that.
• 1:06:42
  This tribe I have is absolutely amazing.
• 1:06:45
  But it's not just new people, it's recognizing the people that
• 1:06:50
  you have in your life that do love you unconditionally, that
• 1:06:52
  do are rooting for you. But then when you're you're
• 1:06:56
  rooting for you, you're rooting for them.
• 1:06:58
  If you don't want people to fail.
• 1:07:01
  Because I read somewhere recently that it says sometimes
• 1:07:04
  people who love you want you to fail.
• 1:07:07
  And that, that hit me that really in the heart because,
• 1:07:12
  right, that's not unconditional love.
• 1:07:14
  No, it's definitely not unconditional love, right?
• 1:07:17
  So. You know, and if I
• 1:07:18
  unconditionally love me, it's not going to matter what other
• 1:07:21
  people are saying, but you're going to attract people who
• 1:07:25
  match you and, and are higher than you.
• 1:07:29
  And that's, that's what you're like.
• 1:07:30
  Oh, OK. And and you're going to see that
• 1:07:33
  in people. And so that unconditional,
• 1:07:35
  unconditional love, it's so hard to do.
• 1:07:38
  It's so hard to do. You just don't realize you're
• 1:07:40
  putting conditions on it a lot of times.
• 1:07:42
  So it's a it's a beautiful thing.
• 1:07:44
  Yeah. I think that's really important
• 1:07:45
  to point out that you don't. Realize you're putting
• 1:07:48
  conditions on it or allowing conditions, and unless you
• 1:07:52
  really sit with it and examine it, but you hit on something
• 1:07:55
  important too. And I think this, you know what,
• 1:07:58
  if you've left someone, you want them to fail.
• 1:08:00
  I don't think that's the right use of language.
• 1:08:03
  Maybe you want them, you see the need for them to learn a lesson
• 1:08:07
  on a path they're on. That's it.
• 1:08:09
  And that can be, you know, powerful.
• 1:08:11
  That's not the same thing as failing.
• 1:08:15
  And I think I also, I also think it's a miss.
• 1:08:18
  I. When I read it, I was like, to
• 1:08:20
  me, that is somebody putting conditions on your love.
• 1:08:23
  Yeah, it's not a it's conditional love.
• 1:08:26
  And that that's what that means. That's.
• 1:08:28
  It's not a. Conditional love for sure.
• 1:08:31
  Yeah, I totally agree with that. Thank you.
• 1:08:32
  So. Much.
• 1:08:33
  Those were great examples. So good.
• 1:08:35
  All right, so we are getting down to the rapid fire here.
• 1:08:39
  We're about to wrap up. Name 5 activities that nourish
• 1:08:44
  you OK. I, I love swimming.
• 1:08:50
  I love anything in the water that nourishes my heart and my
• 1:08:53
  soul. And I'm lucky enough that I'm in
• 1:08:55
  Hawaii right now for six months or three months and then, you
• 1:08:58
  know, so I am lucky that I can walk out to the beach and go
• 1:09:00
  swimming anytime I want. So the water, but it's not just,
• 1:09:03
  well, it's water, Anything in water.
• 1:09:05
  I, I used to love running, but now I like it and I like
• 1:09:11
  anything. Cardio is good.
• 1:09:12
  It nourishes my heart because I, and sometimes when I'm doing it,
• 1:09:15
  I don't love it, but when I'm done, I'm like, yeah, that's the
• 1:09:17
  best thing ever. Spending three with, I'll say
• 1:09:20
  loved ones. But my kiddo who loves me
• 1:09:22
  appropriately for a 21 year old, he barely wants to be around me.
• 1:09:28
  I love that. Right.
• 1:09:33
  He'll, I mean, I always say he loves me appropriately for a 21
• 1:09:35
  year old, but you know how that goes.
• 1:09:37
  Whatever I do, perfect I do. I've got three.
• 1:09:41
  I'm between 26. And 30, I understand completely
• 1:09:44
  what you're doing. OK, perfect.
• 1:09:45
  Yes, exactly so. I, Something that nourishes me a
• 1:09:52
  lot is having really, really amazing conversation.
• 1:09:58
  I love podcasting because it you meet so many people that you're
• 1:10:02
  like, I would never have met this person.
• 1:10:03
  Like just this conversation today has been amazing.
• 1:10:06
  We're so alike. We're very far apart in
• 1:10:09
  distance. We would never have met had we
• 1:10:11
  not been doing podcasting. So I I appreciate like that
• 1:10:15
  connection that those connections, they nourish my my
• 1:10:20
  my heart and soul absolutely still get 6.
• 1:10:24
  I know I. But I I'm.
• 1:10:25
  With you all the way on that. Like the relationships I have
• 1:10:29
  now, the women that and people that I've met from throughout
• 1:10:32
  the world that I can count as part of my network is
• 1:10:37
  incredible. I can't imagine my life without
• 1:10:39
  that. So I wholeheartedly deeper
• 1:10:43
  level. Than I have ever given myself
• 1:10:46
  credit for. It's a deeper level than I knew
• 1:10:49
  I could even have. Yes, and 'cause we're connecting
• 1:10:52
  on. Really.
• 1:10:53
  Deep, important things. These are not surface level
• 1:10:57
  conversations. And I think that creates that
• 1:11:00
  deeper connection as well. Yes, yeah, absolutely all.
• 1:11:05
  Right, 5 words on how you. Want to feel the next six months
• 1:11:10
  loved I am. Joyful.
• 1:11:16
  Free. Free is always my word.
• 1:11:21
  What else? Fulfilled.
• 1:11:23
  I'm going to say rich. You know you mean that.
• 1:11:28
  I mean that all the way around. Yeah.
• 1:11:31
  I mean, rich is a bigger word than we give it.
• 1:11:34
  Context for it can mean so many things.
• 1:11:37
  I love that so much. I got really excited.
• 1:11:39
  You're right. Yeah, I'm.
• 1:11:40
  I'm really glad you did because I almost didn't say it because.
• 1:11:43
  It's but I was like you. Know what that's that's.
• 1:11:45
  What I want, absolutely. I love that.
• 1:11:48
  Thank you for that, so good. All right, best to tell people
• 1:11:50
  how they can find you and follow you and listeners, don't worry,
• 1:11:54
  you don't. This will be on
• 1:11:55
  embracinglayers.com on our resources page, but I want to
• 1:11:58
  give you a chance to share right now in case people want to jot
• 1:12:01
  it down before they get a chance to look there.
• 1:12:04
  Yes, I am working on my website but I I'm on.
• 1:12:07
  Facebook and Instagram, my name is Vista Hurl, but I'm the one
• 1:12:10
  and only most of my a lot of my stuff is like my Instagram page
• 1:12:13
  is VL Hurlbut I also have vitality with Vesta.
• 1:12:18
  That will be my website. It's going to be vitality with
• 1:12:20
  vesta.com. I mean it's up, but it doesn't
• 1:12:23
  have anything for people except for like my bio.
• 1:12:25
  So it is there. OK, I have done 2 summits.
• 1:12:29
  The power of choosing you. You can find them if you message
• 1:12:32
  me on Instagram, Instagram or Facebook.
• 1:12:35
  I I prefer Instagram, but whatever you can find me on
• 1:12:39
  there. I have courses I've offered.
• 1:12:41
  I just did a gut instinct. I, I call it gut instinct course
• 1:12:45
  that just we started and helped. We cleaned our gut.
• 1:12:48
  It takes a long time, but we did like a five week crash course.
• 1:12:51
  It was really fun and a lot of people got a lot of things out
• 1:12:54
  of it. So it was really nice.
• 1:12:56
  I'm getting ready to do a course.
• 1:13:00
  It's called liberate your life. It'll be liberate your life
• 1:13:03
  finding the freedom in the now, which I think is really
• 1:13:06
  important because I think that we don't give ourselves enough
• 1:13:10
  credit. We we we concentrate so much on
• 1:13:12
  the negative that we can we can liberate.
• 1:13:15
  Liberate yourself exactly how you are.
• 1:13:17
  Let's find freedom. I love that.
• 1:13:19
  So, you know, just reach out to me on Instagram, whatever it's I
• 1:13:25
  would be happy, happy, happy to talk to anybody or just follow
• 1:13:28
  me. I post a lot of not a lot of
• 1:13:30
  content, but what I do post is really fun and good.
• 1:13:33
  OK, awesome. Thank you so much for that.
• 1:13:35
  All right. Listeners, take note of that.
• 1:13:36
  And again, don't worry, embracinglers.com on our
• 1:13:39
  resources page, it'll all be there.
• 1:13:40
  Busted. Thank you so much for this time
• 1:13:42
  today. I think you and I could talk for
• 1:13:43
  hours. I think.
• 1:13:44
  I think yes. See if we've lived in the same.
• 1:13:47
  Neighborhood. We might be too much for the
• 1:13:49
  whole neighborhood. But you know what?
• 1:13:51
  That's great. That's around Ben, and I just so
• 1:13:55
  appreciate how you show up in the world.
• 1:13:57
  These conversations that we're having with ourselves and with
• 1:14:01
  other women, it's so important that we understand the power of
• 1:14:06
  our voice and our value. And you've spoke that so well
• 1:14:10
  today. So thank you so much for your
• 1:14:12
  time. Thank you so much for having me.
• 1:14:15
  And I just think it's important that.
• 1:14:16
  Everyone knows that you have value.
• 1:14:20
  Some days you feel like you don't have any, but you
• 1:14:22
  absolutely do. You are worthy of love and
• 1:14:25
  happiness. Thank you so much for having me.
• 1:14:28
  Absolutely. And listeners, write down your.
• 1:14:31
  Wins this week. Take note of those wins and
• 1:14:35
  those wins. Don't have to be.
• 1:14:36
  Gigantic wins. It might be that you took 5
• 1:14:39
  minutes for yourself before you left the garage and went into
• 1:14:42
  the house after work for the evening to do all the evening
• 1:14:45
  stuff. But find those little wins,
• 1:14:47
  those little places, and you'll be amazed.
• 1:14:51
  You all have wins, trust me, I promise you, you do.
• 1:14:55
  And and and so start taking note of those it.
• 1:15:00
  Really makes a difference when you can sit.
• 1:15:02
  With those and take care and remember again your value.
• 1:15:08
  You are valuable, you are worthy.
• 1:15:10
  We love you. We appreciate you.
• 1:15:12
  Have a great week. Yes, thank you.
• 1:15:18
  Hello, Melissa Crook here. Thank you so much.
• 1:15:21
  For joining us on the field podcast today, Finding
• 1:15:24
  empowerment, Embracing Layers. I hope you found today's
• 1:15:28
  framework and resources supportive and informative.
• 1:15:32
  To learn more about all that we offer here at the Embracing
• 1:15:36
  Layers network, visit embracinglayers.com.
• 1:15:40
  You can go to our contact form to schedule me as a speaker for
• 1:15:44
  your next conference, workshop, or seminar.
• 1:15:48
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• 1:15:51
  Garrison, our wonderful and talented writer and author
• 1:15:55
  authored with my support and engage with this framework in
• 1:15:59
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• 1:16:01
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• 1:16:04
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• 1:16:12
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• 1:16:15
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• 1:16:38
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• 1:16:46
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• 1:16:48
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• 1:17:02
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• 1:17:06
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• 1:17:10
  deeply.