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When More Is No Longer Better · Living & Learning with Aundria McMillan Humphrey

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Hello and welcome to Living & Learning with Aundria McMillan Humphrey.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: This is episode 34, when more is no longer better.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: I've been thinking about the word enough,
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: not because I've suddenly mastered it, quite the opposite.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: A couple of days ago, I had a practice session on my calendar.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: It was something I had planned to attend, something potentially useful.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: Something I certainly should have attended.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: But when the time came, I didn't have the heart or the energy for it.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: So I didn't do it.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: That shouldn't have felt particularly significant because we decide not
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: to do things all the time.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: But this was different.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: I had made a commitment.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: This practice session wasn't some random activity I'd penciled onto
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: an already crowded calendar.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: It was part of something I had chosen to pursue,
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: a step in a larger plan, a grand design, as it were.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: And still, when the time came, I knew I needed to step away.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's part of what stayed with me.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: This was something that mattered to me, and I wasn't abandoning the larger commitment.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: I simply recognized that on this particular day, I needed a break from it.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: And perhaps that's another dimension of enough,
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: knowing that we can honor a commitment without having to honor it at the expense
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: of ourselves every single time.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: And later that evening, the question came again.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: I'd finished an article for the Attention News I'd spent time with a friend who dropped by.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: I'd made dinner and enjoyed a wonderful evening with another friend.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: And afterward, there was still work waiting for me.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: There's always work waiting for me.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: I could have gone back to the computer and said I picked up my Cora and practiced,
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: and then I went to bed.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: Enough, I said to myself.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: I'm beginning to wonder whether knowing when enough is enough may be one of
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: the more difficult kinds of wisdom we acquire.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: We live in a world that celebrates more,
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: more accomplishment,
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: more productivity, more experiences, more opportunities, more growth.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: And even those of us who talk about living fully can become caught up in it.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: I certainly can.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: I believe passionately in remaining engaged with life,
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: staying curious,
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: trying something new,
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: going somewhere you've never been,
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: meeting people, learning, dancing, creating, saying yes to life.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: My own life has become richer because I've continued to say yes,
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: but lately, I've been wondering whether there is a maturation of yes.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe first we have to learn to say yes to life, and then we have to learn something harder.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: Which yeses are actually ours?
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: Living in San Miguel de Allende gives me plenty of opportunities to practice this.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: There's always something happening here.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: A concert,
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: an art opening,
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: a lecture, a play,
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  SPEAKER_00: a fundraiser,
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: a workshop,
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: dancing, dinner, a festival, a gathering somebody tells you you simply cannot miss.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: And often several of those things are happening at exactly the same time.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: So what does one do?
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: We try to go to all of them.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: I've watched people figure out how to attend the beginning of one event,
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: rush across town to another, and perhaps catch the end of a third.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: I've done my own version of this.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: We laugh about it, but I've also been hearing something else lately.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: People are tired, including me.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: There are so many possibilities that choosing among them Has somehow begun
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: to feel like deprivation.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: And that fascinates me.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: When did having choices turn into feeling obligated to choose everything?
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe abundance creates its own kind of challenge.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: Because every good thing doesn't have to become our thing.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: Every invitation doesn't require a yes.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: Every opportunity doesn't require pursuit.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: And every open door doesn't require us to walk through it.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: And every beautiful possibility isn't necessarily our possibility.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: That's not withdrawal from life.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: That's discernment.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: There is a moment when another hour of work doesn't make the work better.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: Another obligation doesn't make us more generous.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: Another explanation doesn't make us better understood.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: Another achievement doesn't make us more worthy.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: And another yes doesn't necessarily make our lives richer.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes more enriches us and sometimes more depletes us.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: How do we learn to recognize the difference?
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: I think sometimes our bodies know before our minds do.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: Mind certainly did that day.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: My calendar said, you have a practice session.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: My body said, not today.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: Later, my mind said, you could get more work done today.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: Something quieter said, play your Korah and eventually go to bed.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe part of wisdom is learning to hear that quieter voice before it has started shouting.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: But there is another kind of enough I've been thinking about.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: Enough striving,
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: enough proving,
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: enough accommodating,
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: enough trying to meet expectations that may no longer belong to us.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe even enough self-improvement, for goodness sakes.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: Now there's a thought.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: We spend so much of our lives becoming Learning,
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: growing, healing, stretching, correcting, improving.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, I believe we are always becoming.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: But does becoming require us to treat ourselves as perpetual renovation projects?
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: When do we get to move into the house?
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: When do we stop looking?
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: For the next thing that needs fixing and simply inhabit the person we have become.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: What if we have already learned enough to trust some of what we know?
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: What if we've accomplished enough to stop using accomplishment as evidence of our worth?
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: What if we don't need one more credential,
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: one more achievement,
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: one more person's approval before we allow ourselves to believe?
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: I am enough.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: That doesn't mean we're finished, heaven forbid.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: I don't ever want to be finished.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: There are still things I want to learn,
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: places I want to go,
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: people I want to meet,
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: music I want to play, dances I want to dance, and ideas I haven't even had yet.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: Enough doesn't mean closing the door on possibility.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: It means not having to drag every possibility through the door at once.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe a full calendar and a full life aren't the same thing.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe living fully isn't about how much we can fit into a single day.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's about how fully we inhabit what we choose.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: So I've started asking myself a slightly different question, not Can I do more?
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: Of course, I can often do more.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: The question is, do I choose more?
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: Does this belong to me?
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: Does it enrich my life?
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: Does it deserve the energy it will require?
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: Or is this one of those moments when wisdom simply says, enough?
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: Friday evening, I chose dinner with a friend.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: I chose the strings of my Cora beneath my fingers.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: I chose sleep.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: And you know what happened?
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: Nothing fell apart.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: The work was still there the next morning.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: The possibilities were still there.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: Life was still there.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: And so was I.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe that's what I am learning.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: First we learn to say yes to life.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: Then we learn which yeses are ours.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: And somewhere along the way, perhaps we learn that enough isn't the opposite of abundance.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes, it's how we finally get to experience it.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: And before I leave today,
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: a reminder that this afternoon at 4,
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: Mexico Central Time,
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: I will be sitting with Judith Ginja,
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: Arthur Poet Humanitarian,
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: Artist and Nobel Peace Prize nominee,
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: For our next visual conversation with the Wisdom Keepers, I hope you will join us.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: So until next time,
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: keep living, keep learning, and keep noticing what your life is teaching you.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: This has been Living & Learning with Aundria McMillan Humphrey.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening.