Latest / Stacked Intent: Your Guide to Authentic, Intentional Living / 116 What Self-Care Really Means - And Why You’re Probably Getting It Wrong

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116 What Self-Care Really Means - And Why You’re Probably Getting It Wrong · Stacked Intent: Your Guide to Authentic, Intentional Living

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, my name is Becca Stackhouse Morton, and I am ready for you to tune in each episode to hear ways to become you.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: Looking at ways you can be your authentic and intentional self, you'll finish each episode motivated to live life more authentically.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: I learned how to be truly me through relationships, chronic disease, finances, and taking each journey along the way.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: Talk about the real aspects of life?
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: Of course.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Relationships, finance, nutrition, hardships, exercise are all topics that we will discuss.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: Pull up a seat, drive safely down the road, or get into that workout group.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: To be challenged, motivated, and encouraged to be you.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: This is the Welcome back to the Stack and Tip Podcast.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: I am your host, Becca Stackhouse Morrison, and I am excited to kick off season 11 with you.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: This one is gonna be a little bit different than how our podcast has come out before.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna do it in four different arcs.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: And so each arc is gonna have five episodes to it, and I look forward to sharing this with you.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: These first episodes of each arc were gonna be joined by Amy Stackhouse.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: So let's let her introduce ourselves, and we're gonna start with self-care arc.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: So, Amy, tell us a little bit about who you are and why you're joining us.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much, Becca.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_01: I am Amy Stackhouse, and you may notice the name Stackhouse is uh also in Becca Stackhouse Morrison's name, and uh so she is my daughter.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_01: Um I am really I've been in the profession of advertising and podcasting for a number of years.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_01: I host a podcast called Stacked Keys, and I talk to women across the world, and so I am particularly excited about joining Stacked Intent because a lot of the topics that we are going to cover I hear constantly through the women's stories that I have the privilege of being a part of and hearing, and so I'm hoping that I will have some insight to share with you that I've come across, and then also that I can game myself, and I kind of feel like a lot of your listeners will probably have some of the same peaks in their interest that I do.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_01: So without further ado, I'm excited to be here and part of it.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: Well, thank you for joining us on today's episode, and we look forward to the conversation in our arc on self-care.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_01: I love that we're starting here because honestly, self-care is one of those phrases that has been so watered down that I think a lot of people have checked out on it entirely.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_01: And I get it.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_01: You see that written on a candle label, and you think, well, that's not what I need.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly, it turns into a product, and the version of most of us have been sold on is not actually care at all, it's a lot of distractions.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: So the real thing is something that most of us have never really been taught, or a lot of us have been taught to feel guilty for even attempting it.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, that guilt piece is so real.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_01: I think for a lot of women, especially, there's a deep-seated belief that taking care of yourself is somehow taking from someone else.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_01: And we definitely want to tear down that today.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: So we're that's what we're gonna do in this conversation.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: We're going to define real self-care is talk about five domains it covers, look at why we resist it, and give you something practical to start with this week.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: So, Amy, I'm so glad that you're here to have this conversation with us.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, me too.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_01: Let's get right into it.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna start with what self-care actually is.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: So let's define it because I think that when most people hear self-care, they're thinking of something external, something passive, or maybe even a reward for a really hard week.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_01: Or something that requires money, which is a whole nother problem.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_01: That gives it the idea self-care is a luxury.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: So, right, here's what I wanted you to think about instead.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: Self-care is ongoing, it's an internal practice of maintaining your own physical, emotional, mental, social, and spiritual health so that you can function, grow, and show up for your life.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_01: I love that word, maintaining, because it reframes it completely.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_01: It's not a treat, it's it's kind of like maintenance, the same way you maintain your car.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: Well, that is if you maintain your car.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: That's exactly the analog I want to use here.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: You put gas in your car so it can run, you change the oil, you take it when that the engine light comes on, you don't wait until the engine blows, or maybe you did, and you don't call that maintenance a treat.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: You call that maintenance necessity.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_01: And nobody feels guilty for taking their cur to the shop, but we feel guilty for going to bed on time or saying no to something that's depleting us.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: Which tells you everything about the story that we've been given about our own worth.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: Your mind, your body, your emotional health, they all require regular, consistent maintenance, and when you are skipping it long enough, then you're simply gonna see the things that break down.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_01: I think it's so important to name that the breakdown isn't a character flaw, it's a predictable consequence of neglected maintenance.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: So we're going to talk about the five domains because I think this is where people start to see which area they've been ignoring.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_01: And hey, I'll say before you even list them, Becca, I think most people assume self-care is just physical.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_01: Sleep, exercise, eating, and then when those feel hard, they just give up the concept entirely.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: Which is why we think this five-framework domain is helpful.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: So the domains look at self-care, sleep, movement, nutrition, hydration, medical care.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: All is the basics that most of us inconsistently at best.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_01: I I think medical care is the one that people probably skip the most.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_01: Actually, going to the doctor, getting the thing checked out that you've been ignoring for six months.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_01: I am super guilty of this.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: And domain two is our emotional self-care.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: This is your ability to process and work through your emotions in a healthy way.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: Ease.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: So this could be things like going to therapy, journaling, creating that space to actually feel the things instead of suppressing them down, setting limits with them.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: And it might even be that you're having to set limits on people that just simply drain that emotional side of you.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_01: Huh.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_01: That one's pretty interesting because it requires actually slowing down enough to know what you're feeling, which a lot of us are pretty good at avoiding.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: Domain three is our mental self-care.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: How you feed your mind, what you're consuming, how much cognitive reset you're getting.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: This includes limiting doom scrolling and giving your brain genuine downtime.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_01: Boredom is self-care.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like nobody says that enough.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: It really is restorative and it's really helpful.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: So domain four is social self-care.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: It's being intentional about who gets your time and who gets your energy.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: Are you spending time with people who genuinely energize you?
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_01: Or do you spend most of your social energy on relationships that drain you and then wonder why you feel so depleted?
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: And domain five is the spiritual self-care.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to be clear, this does not require religion or a label.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: It's about connecting with something that's bigger than you and bigger than your to-do list.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's your values, your sense of purpose, your stillness, your nature, and whatever makes you feel most like you.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_01: Five domains, and most of us are doing okay in maybe one, possibly two, and completely emptying the others.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: So that's where we're gonna start, not by fixing all five of these at once, but being able to see them clearly.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: There is a bonus arc in each one, and that one will specifically focus on your nutrition and what nutrition looks like, and those are gonna be co-hosted with our co-host Ashley.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: So be sure that you tune into all five episodes of each arc.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: So why we resist real self-care?
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_01: Can we talk about resistance?
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_01: Because I think this is the piece that keeps people stuck, even when they're intellectually understanding that self-care matters.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, because knowing it is important and actually doing it are two completely different things.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: So why don't we do it?
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: The first reason is conditioning.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: Most of us, especially if we're women, we're usually raised in an environment where putting yourself first was called selfish, where productivity was the measure of your worth.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_01: Where rest had to be earned.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_01: I hear that from so many women.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_01: I'll rest when the work is done.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_01: Well, the work is never done.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: Never?
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: No, not really.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: So when you're trying to practice your real self-care, there's the voice that's gonna show up, and it says, you should be doing something more productive.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: Other people need you right now, you haven't earned this yet.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: And we listen to this.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_01: Where do you think that voice comes from, do you think?
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_01: Like at its root.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: I think that it comes from the second reason.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: We don't feel worthy.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: This is one of the biggest ones.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't fundamentally believe that you are worth taking care of, then you will not consistently take care of yourself, and self-care flows from self-worth.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I've heard this so often.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_01: You cannot pour from a vessel.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_01: You don't deserve to be full.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's probably one of the truest things I've ever heard.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: And then the third reason is a lot of times real self-care is often uncomfortable.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: It is asking you to set limits with people that you might love, and it's asking you to say no.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: And it asks you to sit with your feelings instead of numbing them, and that one can be a hard one.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: And when you have to also remember though, when you say no to somebody else, you're saying yes to some way in your life, and so that is a form of self-care.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: Because when you say yes to everybody, you're saying no to yourself in some form or fashion.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_01: So it's kind of like a face mask, and we call that face mask self-care, and the real thing stays untouched behind that mask.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of times recognizing these barriers isn't an excuse, it's information.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: You can't move through what you can't name.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: So we're gonna look at the next part of self-care versus self-indulgence.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_01: I I want to make sure that we address the self-indulgence question because I think that that probably comes up a lot when people start this work.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: It most definitely does, and it's they're not the same thing, and it's important neither one of them are inherently bad either.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_01: So, what is the distinction, Becca?
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_00: Self-care asks, what does my body need?
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: What does my mind need?
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: What does my soul actually need right now?
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_00: And then it's doing that thing, even if that thing is hard, even if it's boring, or even if it means that going to bed earlier instead of watching one more show that that rolled into.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_01: Well, self-indulgence seems to ask, what do I want now to feel better in this moment?
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: Which is sometimes the right answer, but sometimes you genuinely need the comfort.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: But it is self-indulgence, it is consistently replacing self-care.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: If you're not soothing instead of nourishing, that's worth paying attention to.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_01: I think the clearest way I've heard it put is self-care is what your future self will thank you for.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_01: Self-indulgence is what feels good right now.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_00: And one is an investment, one is a treat.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_00: Both definitely have their place, but only one builds the foundation for what you need.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: So here is your action for this week.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_00: We're calling it self-care baseline audit.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_01: Oh wow.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_01: Tell everybody exactly how to do that.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_01: How do you have an audit?
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_00: So you can do it in two ways.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_00: One, you can grab a pen in a journal, or you can grab your notes app.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_00: If your phone's going to be a distraction for you, I'd grab the pen in the journal.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_00: Write down the five domains: your physical, emotional, mental, social, spiritual.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: Add in that bonus of nutrition.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: Under each one, give yourself a score from one to ten.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: One being completely negative, ten being you're thriving.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_00: And write one sentence about why you gave yourself that score.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_01: Oh wow.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_01: So don't overthink it.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_01: Don't judge what comes up.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_01: Your gut answer is probably the most honest one.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yep.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_00: And so that audit is going to tell you exactly where you need to focus first.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_00: Screenshot, take a picture of your score, write them somewhere.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_00: That you're gonna see them.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_00: Write them on your mirror.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_00: That is where your exact starting point is going to be.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it's interesting.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_01: Starting points are powerful.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_01: You can't change what you haven't seen clearly.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_00: Nope.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: And if you need help with it, write your score down and then remember that you can find us over on Stacked Intent, whether it be on Instagram or shoot us an email to share and have a conversation on it.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_00: Amy, thank you so much for being here for this one with us.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_00: The conversation felt exactly like the pathway that season 11 needed to open up with.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, thank you.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_01: It's been such important work, and I'm glad that we got to do this together.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_01: So thank you for having me.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: To everyone listening, if this episode hit home for you, share it with someone who's been running on empty and calling it strength.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: Leave us a review wherever you lit tune into your podcast, and if you're enjoying the show, next week we're going to start diving deeper into this arc, and we're going to look at the physical self-care, your body sleep, movement, and nourishment through the lens of self-respect, not optimization.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_00: Until then, take care of yourself for real this time.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_00: That brings us to the end of this episode of Stacked Intent.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_00: If you loved this episode as much as I did, head on over and rate and subscribe so you will never miss an episode.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: New episodes are going to be dropped on Thursdays.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_00: Until then, this is Becca, and don't forget, enrich your life by being intentional.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_00: This podcast was created, produced, and recorded, and edited by Stacked Intent.