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When You Wonder If You Will Ever Change · Honoring My Temple

• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Honoring My Temple podcast.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: If you're looking to put God at the center of your life and live that out practically through your health, habits, and everyday choices, this podcast is for you.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Kelly Wenner, founder of Soul Strength Fit and author of Honoring My Temple.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: Here we explore biblical wisdom and how to apply it to real life, your mindset, food, exercise, and the habits that shape who you're becoming.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: Let's get started.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: My oldest was home after her first year away at college in Colorado.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: She came home for the summer before moving into her first apartment with friends for this coming school year, an apartment with an annual lease.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: So my mom heart was trying to soak up as much time as possible with our family of five all together again, with the full awareness that this might be it.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: This might be the last time all five of us lived together under one roof, at least for months on end.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: My next oldest just started her senior year of high school.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: And so again, my mom heart was trying to soak up every moment with her, knowing I'll be sending her off in a year as well.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: And then thank goodness I still have one who's 13, almost 14, finishing up middle school.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: Any other moms out there know that with kids around these ages, it goes fast.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: And the season has its own unique challenges.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: Watching your children begin to leave home is beautiful and exciting, but it can also be incredibly difficult.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: So this summer I purposely put a lot of things aside and I made time with my kids my number one priority.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: We traveled a lot.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: We began the summer by moving my oldest out of her dorm and ended it by moving her into her apartment.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: I spent a week away at Dance Nationals with my youngest, and I took a few road trips up and down California with my senior visiting colleges.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: It was great.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: We had so many good times and we made wonderful memories.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: We had relaxed schedules, later nights, later mornings, afternoons at the pool.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: So it was hard to see summer wrap up.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: But here's something I noticed.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: Rather than feeling 100% relaxed, I often had this underlying feeling of anxiety.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: Now, for the record, anxiety is something I struggle with.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: Fear, worry, anxiety, they seem to be pretty natural for me.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I wouldn't exactly say that midlife has made that any better.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: Learning to live the way that Paul describes, to not be anxious about anything, is something I continue to work toward with God's help.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: Always a work in progress.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: And some of my anxiety this summer was certainly connected to this season of motherhood.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, the launching years, they can bring so many questions.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: Have I done enough?
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: Did I teach them what they need to know?
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: How do I let go while still being their mom?
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: How do I navigate the loss of a season I loved so much while still being grateful for the new one that God has in store?
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: But I realized that there was something else contributing to it too.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: My life had lost a lot of its normal structure, most of its normal structure, actually.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: And that meant I was constantly carrying around this feeling that there was something else I should be doing.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: So, as wonderful as it was, by the end of summer, I could also feel that I was ready to get back on track.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: Not because I wanted that time with them to end, but because I could feel what the lack of structure was doing to me.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: I was ready to feel more focused again, to be more intentional about my health, my work, my time with God, and some of the things that helped me grow and feel my best.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: I was beginning to realize just how much I personally benefit from structure, focus, and commitment.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I think part of why structure helps me so much is that it gives the things that matter to me a place.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: Because the reality is we have limited time and attention.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: We can't give everything our best all at once.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: And without some intentionality about where our time is going, it can start to feel like whatever we're doing, there's something else we're neglecting.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: I think many of us know the tension that comes from having several things that we deeply value, competing for the same limited hours.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: Years ago, I was an elementary school teacher, and for many wonderful years, I shared a classroom and a job chair partnership.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: I remember another job chair teacher once telling me how much she loved being able to work part-time while raising her kids.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: But she also said something that really struck me.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: When I'm at school, she said, I feel like I'm not doing enough as a mom.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: And when I'm home, I feel like I'm not doing enough as a teacher.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: And that stuck with me because I think it describes something many of us feel, whether we're job sharing or not.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: When I'm pouring into my kids, I'm not pouring into work.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: When I'm working, I wonder whether I'm giving enough to my family.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: When I exercise, I can see the housework that isn't getting done.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: When I'm cleaning the house, I remember the work I haven't finished.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: And underneath all of it can be this quiet message, you're still not doing enough.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: There's always another area that could use more attention.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: Something else we could improve, something else we could accomplish.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: And when we don't have boundaries around when we're doing what, it can begin to feel as though we're responsible for everything all the time.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's part of what I was experiencing this summer.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: But there is another piece too.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: I was living with very little structure and making a lot of decisions on the fly.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: What are we doing today?
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: When am I going to exercise?
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: What are we eating tonight?
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: Am I working this morning?
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: Should I work tonight?
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: What time am I going to bed?
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: When am I going to spend time in the Word?
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I realized something about myself.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: I thrive with structure.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: Give me a plan, a routine, and some boundaries, and I tend to do pretty well.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: But this isn't just a personality preference.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: We all benefit from structure.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: Routines and boundaries, they reduce the decisions that we have to make and help us follow through on what matters.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: It became incredibly clear that many of what I think of as my good habits were actually being supported by the structure of my days.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: Early mornings in the Word and prayer, followed by a workout, planned meals, and intentional eating, a consistent sleep schedule, time set aside for work, time set aside for personal growth.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: When that structure disappeared, a lot of those habits started disappearing with it.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: There's a practical reason structure can be so helpful.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: Every decision requires something from us.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: When we haven't decided ahead of time, we have to keep deciding in the moment.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: Do I feel like working out?
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: What sounds good to eat?
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: Should I get up or sleep another half hour?
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: Should I open my Bible or check my phone?
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: And the more tired, stressed, busy, or hungry we are, the harder it can be to consistently make the choice we know is best.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: A routine doesn't make the choice for us, but it removes the need to renegotiate the choice every single day.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: If I've already decided that I get up and spend time in the Word before I pick up my phone, I don't wake up and debate it every morning.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: If I've already planned to exercise at 7 a.m., I'm not waiting until 4 in the afternoon to see whether I happen to feel motivated.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: If I've planned what we're having for dinner, I'm not standing in the kitchen hungry at 6 30 trying to make a wise decision.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: That's one of the gifts of structure.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: We sometimes think rules and boundaries take away our freedom, but I've started to realize that the right boundaries can actually give us freedom.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: They free us from having to make the same decisions over and over again.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: They free us from constantly wondering what we should be doing.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: And they give the things we say matter most to us an actual place in our lives.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: Freedom from a schedule isn't always the same thing as peace.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes structure is what helps create the space in which peace can grow.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe most importantly for our conversation today, structure makes self-discipline easier because we're not relying on it for every decision we make.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: And that brings me to a question someone recently asked me.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: I had shared a post on social media about self-discipline.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: And someone commented, but what if I don't have self-discipline?
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: What if that's the one thing I struggle with or I'm lacking?
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: And when I read it, my answer came to me almost immediately.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: Because I don't think self-discipline is simply simply something you have or you don't have.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: And interestingly, the two things that came to my mind were the exact two things that had been missing for much of my summer: preparation and practice.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: Preparation means deciding ahead of time, creating some structure, putting boundaries around the things that matter to us instead of relying on ourselves to make the right decision over and over again in the moment.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: And practice, we're going to talk much more about that in an upcoming episode because one of the ways we develop self-discipline is simply by practicing it.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: But today I'm going to focus on that first piece, preparation.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: Here's the thing: we can drift into bad habits pretty easily.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: One missed workout becomes two, then three, and before we know it, we've gone an entire week without exercising.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: That week becomes scattered effort, and little by little, something we were once committed to has slipped away.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: And the same thing can happen with healthy eating, with our time in the Word, with sleep, with work, with any commitment we've made toward becoming healthier, wiser, or stronger.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: Little by little we compromise, we justify, we tell ourselves we'll get back to it tomorrow.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: We can easily drift out of good habits, but we don't drift into them.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: Getting off track can happen almost without noticing.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: Getting back on track requires intentionality.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: That kind of intentionality, planning rather than simply reacting to whatever the day brings, is something we see throughout Proverbs.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: Proverbs 21:5 says, the plans of the diligent lead to profit as surely as haste leads to poverty.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: The plans of the diligent.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: Diligence isn't only about working hard once the moment arrives.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: There's wisdom in thinking ahead, in deciding ahead of time what matters and how we're going to make room for it.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: And that's really what I mean when I talk about preparation.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: We're not trying to control every moment of our lives.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_00: We're simply being intentional about the things we say matter to us instead of leaving them all to chance.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: So think for a moment about what being on track looks like for you.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: What does it look like in the way you structure your days?
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: In the commitments you make, in the promises you keep to yourself.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: Now I want you to picture a set of train tracks running out in front of you, two parallel rails stretching toward the horizon.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: When you're on the tracks, there's a path forward.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: You know where you're going, you have direction.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: You begin to build momentum.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: But when you get off the tracks, forward progress becomes a whole lot harder.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: And honestly, that's a pretty good picture of my summer.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: It was wonderful.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: I loved the freedom.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I wouldn't trade that time with my family for anything.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: But I also know I couldn't live indefinitely without structure and expect to keep moving toward the things that matter most to me.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_00: Eventually my health would suffer.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: Important work wouldn't get done.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: Time with God would continue getting squeezed out.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: Goals I care about wouldn't be reached.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I wouldn't be intentionally growing into the person I want to become.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: So sometimes we need to recognize that we've drifted a little and intentionally steer ourselves back on track.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: And remember those two rails I asked you to picture?
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: For me, they represent the two things we just talked about: preparation and practice.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_00: Preparation helps us decide ahead of time how we want to live.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: Practice is living it out again and again until those choices begin to shape our habits and ultimately our character.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: And underneath all of it is our dependence on God.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_00: We ask Him for wisdom to know what matters, strength to follow through, grace when we fall short, and His spirit to continue changing us from the inside out.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: But depending on God doesn't mean doing nothing.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_00: We still make choices, we still take action, we still practice self-control.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: We still get up and do the thing we said we were going to do, even when we don't feel like it.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_00: So if you've gotten a little off track this summer like I have, maybe the first step is simply to notice where you've drifted.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_00: What good habits have started to slip?
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_00: Where have you stopped making forward progress?
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: And whether this is something that happened over summer or not, that's a question to ask yourself.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's exercise, maybe it's eating, maybe your Bible has stayed closed more mornings than you'd like.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe your sleep is off, your schedule is chaotic, or you just don't feel quite like yourself.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_00: Before we can intentionally get back on track, we have to recognize where we've gotten off track in the first place.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need to fix everything today, but you can decide that you're ready to be intentional again.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_00: So, tomorrow, I'm going to do something a little different.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'm releasing a second episode right away, and I'm going to invite you to actually do a full reset with me.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to begin sharing the daily and weekly practices that I'm committing to as we head into September.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I invite you to commit alongside me.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_00: It's simply an opportunity to pause, look at what matters, and intentionally prepare for the season ahead.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_00: Prepare for the direction you want to go, the person you want to continue to grow into.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_00: I'd like to end today with Proverbs 16:3.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_00: Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and He will establish your plans.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: We can create the structure, we can make the plans, we can decide what habits we want to practice and what commitments we want to make.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: But before any of it, we commit it to God.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_00: So let's do that together.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: God, we commit this next season to you.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_00: We commit our plans, our schedules, our goals, and our habits to you.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_00: Give us wisdom to know what matters, strength to follow through, and grace when we fall short.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_00: Establish our plans, guide our direction, and help us stay on track with the things that matter most.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_00: May the way we live honor you.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_00: In Jesus' name, amen.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: I'll meet you back here tomorrow, and we'll get ready for our fall reset together.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_00: Until then, if you'd like to start preparing to join me, click the link in the show notes.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: You'll find the fall reset details, some simple printouts to help you get started, and a few resources to support you along the way.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_00: Let's get ready for fall together.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_00: I'll talk to you tomorrow.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for spending this time with me.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_00: To learn more, visit SoulStrengthFit.com.