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One Person Can Change a Marriage: The Power of Interplay · Doing Marriage Well

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  Doing Marriage Well for June 3rd, 2026 One person can change a marriage. The power of interplay.
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  When it comes to changes in marriage, I often hear, I can't change my spouse.
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  First, this is not so. If you stop doing laundry, or taking out the trash,
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  or anything else your spouse counts on you to do, the dynamic of who does chores will change.
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  If you change how you react to silence, grumpiness, or anger,
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  your spouse will likely make changes.
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  Maybe not the changes you would like, but you can work with movement.
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  Marriage is an interplay of what one does and how the other responds.
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  When either changes, that causes change in the other.
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  Keep doing what you've been doing, and nothing will change. Mix it up,
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  and you might get a better response.
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  For example, if you don't feel you get enough of your spouse's attention,
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  you may be complaining about that or demanding that they give you time.
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  Instead, try making small bids to connect. Share a funny video or suggest a short walk.
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  Briefly share something that happened during your day or ask about their day.
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  When you move from demanding to inviting, your spouse may change.
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  Second, you don't have to change your spouse to change yourself.
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  You can choose to do what is right and healthy regardless of what your spouse does.
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  And you can choose to walk away when your spouse does something that is wrong or unhealthy.
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  But that will make my spouse mad, you protest.
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  It well may. But putting up with unhealthy things is not helping your marriage,
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  and it's a bad choice on your part.
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  Choosing to disengage when your spouse attacks you shows you will no longer
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  put up with wrong or unhealthy behavior.
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  Yes, that may bring about a conflict, which is an opportunity for you to clarify
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  things, and that's a starting place.
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  You can't change your spouse, but you can choose not to engage with their unhealthy
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  behaviors, and that will change them.
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  It may not be the change you want, but if they get mad that you won't put up
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  with being treated wrong, that just shows how bad the situation has become.
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  Pointing out the irony that they are angry because you won't accept being mistreated
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  might be a powerful wake-up call.
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  Of course, you're not perfect, so be honest with yourself about where you're
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  treating your spouse wrong and deal with that.
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  Additionally, find some ways
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  to bless your spouse. Bring them a drink or a snack. Give them a foot rub.
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  Thank or compliment them. Do these things regularly, regardless of how your spouse is being.
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  Treat them the way you would if they were more as you would like them to be
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  and see if they become more that way in time.
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  What changes do you need to make? This is Paul, and sometimes doing marriage
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  well means pulling back.