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5 Elements of 'It Girl' Energy We're Mastering this Year · Blush

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This might be kind of crunchy to admit, but I've always been
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obsessed with being an IT girl. You know, that girl who's just
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effortlessly cool, chic and lovable.
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You know, like the Kelly Kapowski, the 90s Gwyneth, the
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Mary from there. Something about Mary, quite
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frankly, Cameron Diaz in literally anything she's ever
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in. The Ashley from Pretty Little
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Liars before she was killed. Wait, was that her name?
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I think it was Ashley whatever, the one who's like killed in the
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beginning, you know what I'm talking about.
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I've always been obsessed with being that type of girl, and I
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feel like I've never quite achieved it.
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But I've done a lot of research on how I can fully embody that
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girl this year. And I'm going to share with you
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the five elements of being an IT girl that I want to practice
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this year. OK, so we're going to start with
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kind of like the most low hanging fruit there is and
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that's beauty. Obviously like the girls in all
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these movies, etcetera are all hot.
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And I think that we all know how to get hot for like an event,
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right? Like I, I know how to, you know,
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well, I don't really know how to put on makeup.
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I got to know a little bit, right?
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I know if I put out and pull out an eyelash curler, I'm going to
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look a little bit prettier. I know a little bit about how to
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dress and stuff like that. But what I really, really want
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to focus on this year is the downtime, how I put myself
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together. Just like day-to-day, when I
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want to be comfy and cozy, when I'm not really doing doing
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anything, when I'm just lounging at home, when I'm taking Sam out
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for a walk, things like that. I want to really strive to still
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be put together for the those occasions because I think that's
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really what's going to make me feel hotter rather than like,
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oh, this eyeliner trick for when I go to a big function.
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Like I don't wear makeup day-to-day, but that doesn't
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mean that I can't do my skin care every single day.
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So I still feel good. I can still guasha, I can still
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do all those things and same thing like I'm not going to wear
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a fucking skirt sat or like a suit when I'm just lounging
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around the house watching TV. But what I can do is wear like a
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really comfy silky pant with a really comfy kind of matching
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top. You know what I mean?
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And someone who I think masters this really, really well, who I
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would say is very much and it girl is Sif hider.
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She's the founder of array. You know the bloat pills, like
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such a good brand, such a good company.
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I'm actually about to order a ton of shit from them literally
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when I finished recording this today.
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But she's someone who threw out all of her sweats.
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And when she wants to just wear a loungewear, she wears like a
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silk set. Which, listen, I don't think you
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have to throw out your sweats. But there's a difference between
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the old ratty set of sweats from college that have holes on them
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and you feel like shit in, versus a really nice elevated
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matching sweat set styled a little bit differently.
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Maybe you throw on some jewelry still.
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Like one thing for me is I always feel more put together
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when I have my hair back rather than like down and crazy when
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it's like not looking good, you know what I mean?
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That's such an easy thing. I'm not saying I have to like
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whip out the blow dryer and straighten my hair everyday, but
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I can at least pull it into a bun when I kind of feel blah
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things like that. I just want to really put more
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effort into my day-to-day baseline appearance rather than
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trying to make the range bigger like the way I used to live was.
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I either, you know, put on like heaps and heaps and heaps of
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mascara and an outfit that I thought was cute if I was going
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out. And the rest of the time I felt
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like a literal ogre. And I actually think the past
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few years I've closed that gap a lot.
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But one thing I really want to work on this year is just
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raising the floor, if that makes sense.
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So the second element, by the way, again, like I said last
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week and last week's episode, I'm not going to go too deep
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into any of these things. But if you want any of these
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things to be its own, by the way, sorry, I was just so
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distracted because Sam was trying to pass by and I was just
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making sure she wasn't going to get her foot tangled and
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anything and fall or, you know, bring our whole setup down or
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quite frankly, probably both. And she actually mastered it.
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Little baby genius. But yeah, if you want a full
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episode on any of these five things, I'm more than happy to
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do that. The second element, like after
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the first one, I think we're going to get a lot deeper.
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The second element I think of like a girl energy that, like
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Jenna Sequa, is confidence. Again, a kind of an obvious one.
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And like I said last week, I think that people define
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confidence differently. For me, it's being secure, it's
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being self assured. But I think that there's a way
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that you can really radiate confidence.
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And there's this girl who goes to my solid core studio who
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perfectly embodies it. I'm not going to say her real
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name, so I'll just call her, I nearly said her actual real
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name. Let's just call her Ashley.
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Ashley is solid Core's girl. Like she is fucking radiant.
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And it's not that she's like really, really pretty or has the
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perfect body. She does have both, but that's
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not what makes her radiant. I was actually watching her one
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day and one of the sever, she kind of does everything on this
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list, but one of them that I think she really embodies is the
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way that she walks. It's like she glides.
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It's like angelic kind of. It's so like I've seen her be
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late to solid Core before and she never seemed like flustered
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or rushed the way I do when I'm late to solid core would like
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snot dripping all over me. No, she glides in.
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She might walk faster, but she glides in.
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And I think that there is truly one hack to really coming off is
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radiantly confident and that's having really good posture and
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walking in a non bouncy kind of way.
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And I think the one that one way that we can all practice this is
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right now, whatever you're doing right this second, just stop.
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Lift your shoulders up towards your ears, press them all the
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way back, like literally as far back as you can.
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You should feel some of your muscles light up and then bring
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them all the way down as far down as you can.
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So they should be down and back and I do think it helps to bring
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them forward 1st and make a nice big circle down and back, down
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and back, down and back of the shoulders.
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Constantly remind yourself down and back, chin up.
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We're not looking at our phones when we're walking.
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We're holding our chin up. Our presence is a gift.
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That's the energy we're going to embody this year.
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That's how we're going to walk around.
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One thing I've heard one person say before is every building
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that he walks into, in his mind, he walks in like as though he's
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about to, like he's contemplating buying the
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building. And I think that's a really
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interesting one because think about it, if you were walking
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into potentially buy this building, you would be really
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confident. Like it would be kind of like
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you own the place, but you also wouldn't be cocky.
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Like someone with enough money to buy the building doesn't need
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to be pretentious. Or what's the word I'm looking
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for? Don't get mad at me.
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English is my third language. As a reminder.
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It's braggadacious. Braggadacious.
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Is that a word? Bragging.
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Let's look it up. That really sounds like
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something I'm making up. Actually, the more I say it.
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OK? New Tab bragged.
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Oh my God, it's a word. It's a word.
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It's a word. It means boastful or arrogant.
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Yes, that's exactly the word I was looking for.
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We. I feel like that so rarely
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happens in Farsi. It's even worse.
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Like I one time, this is many years ago, I think I was in high
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school, I said to my mom in Farsi, I'm only going to say one
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word in Farsi. I go, yeah, I'm afraid of half a
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Fiat. And she's like, what the fuck is
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half a Fiat? And I was like half a Fiat, you
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know? And she goes, that's not a word
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in our language. Did you just make it up?
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And the actual word I was looking for was ertifa.
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It doesn't sound even remotely like half of Fiat.
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And I was like, half of Fiat works, you know, You know what I
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meant. And she didn't know what I
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meant. I meant heights.
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But I actually wonder if you were able to figure I, I think
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half of Fiat sounds like heights.
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OK, what can I say? It embodies the energy of
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height. I don't know.
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Anyway, but yeah, as someone who I don't remember where I was
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going with this, but as someone who's really short, you might
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not realize this just from watching me.
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I'm actually really fucking short.
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I'm 5 foot. And when I say 5 foot, I mean
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like 1/4 of an inch more than 5 foot.
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You know what I mean? Like, I actually for a long time
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thought I was 411 and that I was just lying about being 5 foot.
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But then a couple years ago, I had the doctor actually measure
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me and she goes, guess what? Good news, you're officially
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over 5 feet. So very exciting day in my life
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because I realized I'm not like a liar, big fat liar, you know?
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But yeah, someone who is short, it's so easy to just feel very
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insignificant, to feel like kind of like you don't matter,
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especially as a short person living in New York City filled
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with fucking beautiful ass models.
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Like when I talk about solid core, my like, solid core is
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like an IMG model scouting agency.
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I was telling my mom I was like, I'm one of like the fattest and
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ugliest people on solid core. Also, I don't like to use the F
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word. I think it's really rude.
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But sometimes I will say it to make a point, to be funny, you
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know what I mean? Obviously, whatever I, I think
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we can all agree like I'm not big or overweight, but my, the
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solid core studio I go to is literally like Ford models, like
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it's, I don't know what is going on in there.
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I think there are a lot of literal models who go there, but
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it's so easy to feel insignificant when you're not
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that, you know what I mean? But I think we can all carry
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ourselves like we are that. And I think if we carry
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ourselves like we are that, then we start feeling like we are
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that, and then we start like we are that.
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And I actually think kindness is a big part of that.
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Like, I don't like, I think that confidence has this tinge of
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arrogance to a lot of people, but true confidence is never
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arrogant, you know, You know what I mean?
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OK, let's just move on. The 3rd element of it, girl
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energy is charisma. When I say charisma, this is
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what I think really makes someone charismatic.
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It's when they're really, really, really present in a
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conversation with you. You know, when I was in college
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or actually, no, when I was in high school, I had a friend who
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was in college and this friend was ultra, ultra, ultra liberal,
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like as a liberal as it gets. But because of something he was
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involved in in college, he met George Bush, who was president
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at the time. And, you know, not to urge
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myself. And he said that George Bush was
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unbelievably charismatic. And specifically what he said
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about him is when you're in a room talking to him, it's like
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no one else exists. Like he's so locked into the
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conversation with you. It makes you feel so special.
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Like he's genuinely such a likable person.
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And I've heard so many people say that.
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Like, everyone talks about Bill Clinton being charismatic and
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like, I'm sure he is, but I've heard from so many people who've
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met George Bush personally, and I'm talking junior George Bush,
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George W Bush, especially people who don't like him, don't
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support his policies, did not enjoy his presidency one bit,
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did not vote for him. All of them will say he's so
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charismatic in person, and all of them give the same exact
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description. It's that when you're in a room
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with him, he's so locked into you.
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He's so present. He asks questions, he listens,
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he makes eye contact, attacked, he knots.
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And I think we can all stand to have that.
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Like, have you ever been to a party and you're talking to
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someone and they're kind of like glancing around the party and it
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just makes you feel so icky? Also, I do this too, and I can
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tell you I'm genuinely not scanning the room to find
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someone cooler to talk to. It's because I get distracted
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because I probably have ADHD, you know, like I probably am a
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little bit neurodivergent and I just like can't stay present
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with a conversation that much. But going back to last week's
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episode on space, I think that's something that's going to
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tremendously help me with that. But anyway, so the things that I
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wrote down for this are to be present, to listen and to repeat
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back things that people say and ask them really like
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interesting, insightful questions that show that you've
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been listening. Even I think you can start
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practicing this immediately with whoever you interact with on the
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day-to-day. If it's like you talk to your
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mom every day on the phone, I should practice this, right?
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My mom will complain about something and instead of just
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being like, oh, yeah, that's cool, whatever.
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I could then respond and be like, yeah, and why did that
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bother you? Like, or.
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That sounds so fresh frustrating.
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I totally hear what you're so like.
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Am I correct in interpreting that?
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Like when the doctor said this it bothered you because of acts?
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That's an invitation for more conversation and I know that.
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Listen, as an incredibly self involved person who loves to
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fucking talk, one of the hardest things for me as conversation
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because literally all I want to do is talk and I often have not
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even a remote amount of interest what the other person has to
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say. Is that clinical narcissism?
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I don't know, maybe probably like do I have narcissistic
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personality disorder? Do you think it's possible that
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I do? I, I sometimes think I exhibit
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some of the traits and that one really scares me because I
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believe there's no cure for narcissism.
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Like I think if you're a narcissistic, like you're just
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narcissistic and it is what it is anyway.
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So that does kind of freak me out.
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But I think that we could all, even if you have to like, even
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if it's think of it like running, it might not feel great
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in the moment, but if you just forced yourself to do it, it's
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going to feel really fucking good afterwards because you're
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going to make someone else feel really, really, really special.
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You know, a few years ago, Ozzy's friend, let's call him
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Bob. Bob, could I have picked a less
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attractive name? Like why does it feel like
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Ozzy's friend is like a 65 year old accountant who has three
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kids and a receding hairline? None of those things, just Bob's
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actually quite hot. Bob started dating this girl.
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They just kind of been seeing each other.
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It had been like maybe a few months or something.
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Let's call her Delilah. So whatever actually Delilah
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really suits her, she should look into changing her name nor
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her new her real name's really pretty.
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So Delilah and Bob. Also, Delilah would never date
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Bob you know what I mean? Anyway, so Delilah and Bob came
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over for dinner and I had so much fun because Delilah is a
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very generous conversationalist. Delilah asked me so many fucking
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questions and anything I would ask I would say she would ask a
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follow up question. Anything I asked her she would
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turn around and ask me write back or ask some kind of other.
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Like she was so giving. She let me talk so much and I
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remember really enjoying myself, but I woke up the next day with
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such a pit in my stomach because I was like, I had a lot of fun,
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but at what cost? You know, it's kind of like if
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you drink too much, like you might have fun in the moment,
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but you're going to feel like shit the next day versus if you
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go for a run, like, yeah, you maybe you were going to kind of
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feel like shit, but it's going to feel so good afterwards when
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you see that you've really given someone the opportunity to speak
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and share with you and really made them feel seen and that
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kind of way. So that's something that I
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really, really, really want to work on implementing this year.
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And I've said it a lot before, but it's really hard to maintain
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the practice. Like if you're not just
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constantly doing it, you fall or I won't say you when I'm not
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constantly doing it, I fall out of the habit.
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This is really something I'd like to start implementing
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today. By the way, Delilah is always
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like that. I've now known her for years.
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Every time I see her, she just makes me feel special.
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And the way that she makes me feel special is by being really
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present when I talk to her. It's like no one else exists.
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And that's what makes Delilah and it girl.
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Like she's one of the fucking coolest people I know.
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And it isn't because like, yeah, she's really pretty, which she
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is. And yeah, she's really talented,
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which she is. And yeah, she has all these
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other amazing things going for her, which she does.
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But what really gives her that Jenna Sequa that it girl energy
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is how present she is with you, how charismatic she is, Like how
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just it makes you feel special. OK, let's go to our 4th one.
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This is a really fun one actually, and it's contrast.
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So let me explain what I mean by that.
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I am someone who, when I look back throughout my life, I by
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the way, I am someone who's very much not an A curl.
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So every example I use for myself is like the counter
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example of how to be an A curl. You know, it's like how to very
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much not be an A curl is everything I embody.
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But I'm going to work towards doing all these things because
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guess what? Our personalities aren't fixed.
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Our personalities are really just a series of choices that we
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make. So when we make different
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choices, we can have different personalities anyway, So I
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throughout my life, like I've gone through so many different
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like phases and kind of identities, if you will.
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But one thing I think I've always done wrong is that I
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almost LARP as these various identities.
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So for example, in high school, I wanted to be cool.
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It didn't. The strive to be cool and
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popular in high school didn't last very long because pretty
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early on I realized, yeah, this is not going to happen for you.
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And it didn't. It didn't.
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But so I wanted to have an identity of like a cool popular
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kid. So I'd watch like stupid 90s
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high school movies and be like, OK, like I should have these
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interests and do these extracurricular activities and,
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you know, do like be like this so I can be cool and popular or
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whatever. Or a far more tangible example
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is when I first got into, like really got into like big time
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got into spirituality and Wellness and stuff like that.
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It's like I became a caricature of someone who was into
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spirituality and Wellness. And I would do like moon
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circles, new moon circles, full moon circles, you know, new moon
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rituals, full moon rituals. I had a bunch of fucking
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crystals. I would burn incense all the
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time. I never drank.
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Like I said, I wasn't interested in clothes.
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I started buying a lot of like colorful robes and stuff because
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I was so like, it's like I wanted to play this character of
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someone who's into Wellness and spirituality and a lot of those
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things really weren't authentic to me.
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Actually, last year I got towards the end of last year, I
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got rid of all my crystals because I realized I don't
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really like, yeah, they're pretty, but like I don't really,
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it doesn't really fit my aesthetic or I love clothes or I
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actually genuinely am happiest in my life when I have more of a
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social circle and once in a while go out and have a drink
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and. You know, have a little more
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balance around these things. Even like with Wellness, like I
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don't have to be this like perfect Wellness girl, like this
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caricature of a Wellness girl. I think it's far more
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interesting when people have a little bit of contrast in their
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personalities. And I think a really good
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example of this is Sierra Miller on Summer House.
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So if you're not familiar with Summer House, Sierra Miller is
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one of the people who's on it. It's a reality show and she's
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absolutely stunning. I think she's a Victoria's
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Secret Angel now. She's this like tall, beautiful,
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just like out of this world beautiful model who's like funny
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and cute and cool and whatever. But one thing I fucking love
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about her is every time they have a costume party, she never
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wears like a hot or a sexy costume.
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Like she'll go all out and like the goofiest kind of costume and
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makes it really funny and it's often like really, really ugly.
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And that's so contrasting with the type of person you like.
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You would think she'd wear like the cute little sexy, like
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whatever kind of costume, but that's not what she does.
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Another good example, when I first went to law school, there
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was this girl, let's call her Michelle.
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So Michelle, like you could tell, had always been popular.
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Like she was definitely popular in her high school.
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She was popular in college and she was popular in law school.
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She was really, really pretty. She was funny.
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She was all these things, but she also had all of these kind
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of like very dorky interests. Like she was really into Star
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Wars and Indiana Jones and Dungeons and Dragons and like
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sci-fi and just a lot of these things that seem to really clash
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with that like hot cool girl personality, but that made her
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20,000 times times hotter and cooler, you know?
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Like it's like just having that contrast and layer in your
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personality makes it so much more interesting.
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But with this, I think that there's a real danger of it
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being inauthentic and kind of coming off with like unlock
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energy. Like when I say unlock, I mean
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not like other girls energy. It's like I'm not like other
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like there was this girl in my high school who was like
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literally I think there was she wrote in her yearbook like,
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yeah, I'm not like other girls. I go hunting with my dad.
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Like it's not so cool. And it just kind of gave a
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little bit off putting because, and I'm sure she actually did go
22:53
hunting with her dad and she probably was into it, which like
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cool flax like you like to murder for a hobby.
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Great. Ted Bundy or I should say
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Tiffany Bundy. I don't know.
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I'm trying to come up with another T name Tina Bundy.
23:12
That's not cool. But you know, it's like just
23:14
like putting on this fake interest, especially if it's
23:17
like a traditionally masculine interest, because you think it's
23:21
going to give you like layers and make you like quirky, cute.
23:24
Cool isn't cool. But when it's something that's
23:27
really authentic to you and instead of stifling it because
23:31
it doesn't fit in with your current persona, instead like
23:35
really embodying it and being proud of it and not having shame
23:39
around it, even if it doesn't make you fit in.
23:41
Like in college, there was this guy who was on the football team
23:44
who took dance classes. You just like dance.
23:48
Like that's fucking cool. You know, that's fucking cool.
23:51
But if you took dance classes because you'd like thought it
23:53
would like help him pick up chicks infinitely less cool.
23:57
You know what I mean? Like it's it that doesn't give
23:59
it girl where it's like having these contrasting layers.
24:03
It's like an outfit, right? Like a black sweater, chic,
24:07
elegant, but a black sweater where you can get a hint of a
24:10
white T-shirt popping out of the collar and at the hem,
24:13
infinitely chicer and cooler. Just that tiny bit of contrast,
24:17
that tiny bit of layering is going to elevate everything.
24:22
And the last element of having that like a girl energy, the
24:26
Gen. Issaquah, I think is warmth.
24:29
I think that when you're more bubbly and happy and just kind
24:35
of like sunshine in human form, that's ultimate IT girl energy.
24:39
And I think that this really runs counter to a lot of the IT
24:43
girls that maybe we grew up. But like, I grew up, you know,
24:46
in the 90s watching 90s high school movies and often like the
24:50
cool girl in school was the girl who is just like a bitch to
24:54
everyone and mean and rude and even.
24:57
OK, I love Gossip Girl, right? And I always kind of idolize
25:02
Blair Waldorf because my best friend at the time told me that
25:06
I should, like, literally that's the reason.
25:09
But like, Blair Waldorf doesn't have a Shanna Saqua.
25:12
Like, yeah, like, she's funny and she's this and she's that.
25:15
But it's like, not cute to be mean to people.
25:18
It's not cute to be bullies to people.
25:20
But you know what is really fucking cool?
25:22
It's when you're really warm. And that doesn't mean that
25:24
you're necessarily nice to everyone.
25:27
But think about it like this. Like, no one wants to be around
25:29
someone who's grumpy and Moody all the time.
25:31
So when you have to like walk on egg shells around.
25:33
And quite frankly, that's really unfortunate for me because I am
25:37
Moody and grumpy all the time and people do walk on egg shells
25:40
around me because of sad grumpiness and moodiness.
25:43
But guess what? I'm not a fucking egg girl,
25:45
right? So if I want to be, I'm really
25:47
going to have to work on those traits.
25:48
And that doesn't mean like self loathing and hating myself.
25:51
Whatever. I can accept myself as I am and
25:53
love myself as I am while striving towards being better on
25:57
these elements. I think someone who really,
25:59
really, really embodies this, who I, I think it's like a kind
26:03
of as it girl as it gets is Asia from Below Deck.
26:07
So if you're not familiar, Below Deck is a reality show on Bravo.
26:12
There's a bunch of different franchises on it.
26:13
Asia was first on many, many years ago as a Stew on Below
26:17
Deck Med. And then she came back a couple
26:20
seasons later as a Stew on Below Deck Med.
26:22
And then she was chief Stew on Below Deck down under for a
26:26
couple of seasons. And then she got moved back to
26:28
the Med as a chief Stew. And she is like truly as a girl
26:34
as it gets. Like she's someone who the
26:35
reason they kept bringing her back when it's a show where if
26:38
you're just a Stew or a deckhand, you very rarely come
26:41
back. If anything, you might come back
26:43
once. You're really not going to come
26:44
back over and over and over again.
26:46
But she's come back over and over again.
26:48
And they've like really reshifted the shows to have her
26:52
be this chief Stew on it because she has so much at girl energy
26:56
because she's so universally loved.
26:59
Like I don't think there's a single person who watches that
27:02
show who doesn't like her. Like she is so magnetic.
27:07
She is so like she's so likable. And I think one of the big
27:11
reasons why I is because she's so warm, she's so bubbly, like
27:16
she's just like eat really like when you're around her, which I
27:21
obviously haven't been in real life.
27:22
But even when you watch the show, like in her confessionals,
27:26
it feels like the sun is shining on you.
27:29
And that's because she has that warmth to her.
27:32
Like, no one wants a cold icy bitch.
27:34
Like that's not fun. And again, that's that doesn't
27:38
work well for me at all. Like if people loved cold icy
27:41
bitches, I'd be thriving. But I'm not because it's not
27:46
likable. It's not it girl energy.
27:50
OK, so that's it. Like I said, if you want a full
27:53
episode on any of these five, please do let me know in the
27:57
comments or whatever like I will see them, I will read them.
28:00
We can totally, totally do that. And on Thursday, check out Blush
28:04
Kitchen. So on the theme of Gen.
28:08
Issaquah and it girl energy, what's more it girl than a
28:12
French girl? And Thursday's recipes are all
28:16
French inspired recipes. And it's like, so she can sew it
28:21
girl like you're going to love it.
28:24
I'm so excited. Yeah, we'll try it then.
28:27
Love you. Bye.