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A Business Guide for International Women's Day · Closing Sales in Nigeria - Sales For The Nigerian Business Person: The Sales and Marketing Blueprint

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Hello and welcome to the show. I'm making today's episode at
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home, so expect to hear some noise in the background because
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it's a weekend and everyone is home.
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Now, Speaking of a weekend, I'm making today's recording on the
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8th of March 2026. And today is International
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Women's Day. It's an annual thing.
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It's celebrated every single year on the 8th of March.
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And so today's podcast episode is going to be dedicated to all
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our wonderful sisters, wifeys, mummies, aunties, cousins,
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because today is your day, International Women's Day.
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Now, of course, you know that over here on the podcast, we
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don't we don't get into these sorts of issues because this is
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a business podcast. So we're going to be looking at
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International Women's Day or we're going to be celebrating
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International Women's Day over here on the podcast through a
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business lens, because the theme for this year is give to gain.
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So if you go and check the International Women's Day
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website, gosh, what's the website?
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OK, sorry, I don't have the website here.
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But if you just go to Google and you check International Women's
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Day, you look for the website, you'll see that the theme for
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this year, because every every year they have a theme.
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So the theme for this year is Give to Gain.
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And I had a look at the website, but the truth of the matter is
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when I heard Give to Gain, one thing that came to my mind was
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there's some, there's certain schools of thought, you know,
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in, in, in business circles. And one of them is what's this
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guy's name? Is it Joe Burger or something
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like that? I think he wrote a book called
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The Givers Givers Gain Principle or something like that.
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But anyway, that kind of thought has been really, really
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instrumental in groups like the BNI, which is Business
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networking International. Business Networking
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International is a group that is of course is devoted to business
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growth, but it's it's a networking thing.
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It's a networking group and it the BNI all I put it now, the
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whole idea behind the BNI basically is business people
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come together to network so that they can give each other
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referrals. So let's say you and I, I am the
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same chapter of BNI in Abuja because they're different
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chapters all over the place. You know, Abuja, Abu Qutar,
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Lagos, Aberdeen or Washington DC, where else, you know,
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wherever you are, I'm sure there are BNI chapters there.
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So the idea would be that by joining this association, we
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would be able to refer business to people.
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So there's some people that will come across that might not be
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good customers for me, but might be good clients for you.
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And so because of that, I would make a referral.
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So that's the idea behind the BNI.
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And so give us gain, gift to gain, you know, all these sorts
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of things. Those are the kinds of things
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that they say in those circles. So once I heard that the theme
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of International Women's Day this year was gift again, I
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thought, interesting. OK, good.
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So if I'm going to make a business episode to celebrate
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International Women's Day and the theme is gift again, I
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figured I'll take some some levity and just stray small from
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the theme and talk about this whole philosophy of gift again,
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how it applies to business. And then we're going to explore
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some ideas around networking. Because like I said, this whole
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thing of gift to gain, give us gain, blah, blah, blah.
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It's sort of like the unofficial motto of the BNI.
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Again, BNI is business networking international.
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So if you're curious, after you're done listening to this
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episode, you know, just go on Google, go and do some research,
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see if there's any local chapter close to you.
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But please bear in mind this is a paid thing and they are kind
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of, they are fairly rigorous in how they run their affairs.
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So far, the chapters I've seen in Abuja and in Lagos have
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meetings first thing in the morning, maybe like 8:00 AM.
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That's when they have their first meeting and they don't
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tolerate late coming. I have to let you know this
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ahead of time, they do not tolerate late coming.
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So if your chapter says meeting time is 7:00 in the morning on
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Tuesday, they actually mean that 7:00 the meeting has started,
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not that 7:00 people are piling in.
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So yeah, this is also one of the reasons why I did not join the
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BNI. I was curious and I would have
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loved to attend, but where I am in my life right now doesn't
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allow me to make such, you know, because I have early drop offs
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to drop the kids at school and things like that.
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So there's no way I'm going to be able to make an 8:00 meeting
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at this at where I am in this stage of life for now.
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So where was I? Yeah.
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So that's what we're going to be talking about today.
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Basically give to gain, give us gain.
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Watch the philosophy and then talk a little bit about
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networking. So in business circles, at least
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in the West, when you hear give to gain or give us gain, or you
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know, you're hanging around people who are at the BNI, there
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are certain business principles that they talk about, which is
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how you grow and as a person or you grow as a business because
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you are giving a value to other people.
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I repeat, the whole thing behind give to gain or give us gain is
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that you are going to grow personally or that your business
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is going to grow by giving value.
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So that's what the whole thing is about because you are giving
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and giving and giving. Eventually you will gain because
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somebody will say that babe, that woman, that auntie, that
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mummy is a very valuable member of this community.
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We suppose encourage her or we suppose, you know tit for tat
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she don't they give referrals. We suppose give her referrals.
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That's the whole idea behind give to gain and give us gain.
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So it's a simple business principle.
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I will grow by giving value to others and that's where
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networking enters into the picture.
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Now, the reason why I wanted to talk about networking in
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particular is because I think it's a necessary tool for women
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in the modern era, especially now that there's a lot of talk
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about women's rights and things like that.
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Because, OK, obviously I'm a guy and obviously, OK, well, it's
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not obvious because not all of you know, I'm a first born and I
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only have boys. So in the media and in the
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blogosphere and in the, you know, whatever, when people
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complain about the patriarchy, people are usually complaining
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about people like me, first born, sons, oldest son, what
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else? You know, on and on and on.
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You know, people who have positions of influence within
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the family or within certain communities or things like that.
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So when people are shouting up and down on the Internet on days
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like today, people are complaining about folks like me.
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And it's not bad to complain about people like me.
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Although sometimes I resent the fact that a lot of you just
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assume that, OK, I'm a first born son, I only have boys.
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I'm the respected voice in my family.
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It looks like I'm going to be a respected voice in the community
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at large, and so therefore I must be a problem.
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So I must admit, sometimes I kind of resent that.
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Like, come on now, you guys take it easy.
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But anyway, even though I'm the face of the patriarchy, I also
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the son of someone who regards herself as a feminist.
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And there is something that I think the later generation of
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feminists have kind of gotten wrong, and that is this whole
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idea of ranting against the patriarchy, complaining against
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the patriarchy. How will I put it?
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A lot of times it just ends up being a complaining fest.
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And it's not really complaining that it's going to move your
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course forward. You will actually need to Start
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learning certain kinds of transferable skills that are
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going to advance your careers, going to advance your
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businesses, and are going to advance the cause.
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Because as the son of a feminist, I've tried, you know,
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to listen to feminist podcasts and things like that.
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But I find that at the end of the day, it's just complain,
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complain, complain, complain, complain.
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But you're not really coming up with suggestions about what to
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do next to move things forward. It's always patriarchy is bad,
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down with the patriarchy, family is bad, down with the family
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giving birth to children is bad, down with children.
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So it's always down with this, down with this, this is bad,
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this is bad, this is bad. But there's not enough focus on
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what is it that we're supposed to be doing instead?
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And I think that networking is one of those things that can be
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talked about a whole lot more in female circles so that women can
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start advancing their cause. Women can start advancing their
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careers and women can start advancing their businesses.
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So I would say that networking is absolutely essential,
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necessary for women today in 2026.
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Now, even if you're listening to this podcast IN20562086 or 3026,
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I think that networking is still going to be an essential skill
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for women to learn. Now when we say, when most
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people say networking, what people have in mind usually is
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useful connections. And yes, that is correct.
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You need to have some useful connects because there's no
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point in well, very little point in having connections.
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And the people who are there are pretty much bleachers people who
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keep taking from you and taking from you and draining you, but
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don't add any value to your life.
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By the way, when I say this, I'll not put it, OK, Every
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human, single human being is worthy of respect.
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Every single human being is worthy of regard.
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And so no human being is worth less than another just because
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they have less money. And then of course, you know,
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the way that we societies organized in this part of the
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world, African societies, typically as you go up, you so
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pause, drag, you understand, you pull the person that is coming
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under you. So as you take one step, you
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pull somebody, the person will take that step too, and then the
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person will pull another person. So collectively, that's how the
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family will rise by one person pulling another.
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So definitely your connections. You have some people who, you
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know, technically speaking, they don't feel give you anything.
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Now you, they, you know, pull them, Now you, they bring them
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up. Now you they clean them, now
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you, they touch them up. But that's not a problem.
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But we're trying to make sure that we have useful connections.
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Then when we say networking, we also have ideas around social
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capital. And remember, when we talk about
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social capital on this broadcast, we mean what you know
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and who you know. So you go through our life
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trying to build your career, trying to build your business,
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trying to advance in school, trying to advance in whatever.
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And over time you get to meet people who you know.
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And over time, in interacting with other people and
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interacting with challenges and going through different
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adventures in life, you get to learn something, certain things.
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So what you know. So social capital is the sum of
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all those things. Who do you know and what do you
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know? And then of course, when people
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talk about networking, typically they also think of pre quo quo,
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quid pro quo, sorry, quid pro quo.
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I'm sorry, I'm not good at tongue twisters.
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Now, the idea behind quid pro quo is, you know, scratch my
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back and scratch your own. Do me, I do you God, no verse.
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You know, all those ideas of yeah, exactly.
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You do for me, I do for you. So when people think of
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networking, these are all the ideas that readily come to mind.
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But there's one thing that I want to warn, and that is this
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thing of calling favors. And it's not just a problem with
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women. It's also a problem with with
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guys as well because it looks like some some basic values of,
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you know, decency and respect and things like that is like,
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you know, people know they give home training again.
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So it's a mistake that both sexes make.
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But is all this thing of calling favors and you think that
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networking is calling on favors. Unfortunately, that is too
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transactional and it happens too late.
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And it's not, I can speak about this, you know, first hand.
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So there's some people who call me, but when, when?
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But every single time they call me, I just know that OK, they're
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about to ask for something. The thing has now become
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transactional. The person on the other end of
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the line like me for instance, we do not value this intrusion
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in our time because every single time you call me, it's an ask.
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And unfortunately the ask is either going to involve my time
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was going to involve my money. So over time, what do you think
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is going to happen? Over time, I will start ignoring
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some of those calls. Some of the people that you're
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calling to start asking upon favors are going to start
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ignoring your calls. This thing has become too
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transactional. It has become too 1 sided.
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And of course, usually when people reach out like this, it
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is often too late. Do they have called me before I
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would have been able to say no, no, no, no, no, no one like
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this, No one like this run it this way.
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Or have you considered this? That would have prevented the
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trouble from even happening in the 1st place.
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So if you're one of those people who thinks that networking is
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calling all favors, I beg, perish the thought.
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You're burning up your social capital.
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The people that you know, people will start running away from
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you. The things that you know will
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reduce because people who ordinarily should have helped to
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reset your brain and tell you one or two things, they will
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start avoiding you. You're burning your social
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capital. If your idea of networking is
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calling upon favors, you're too transactional, you're always too
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late and you're too 1 sided. Don't fall into it.
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Do not fall into it. So there is a proper way to
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network. So let's start approaching some
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of these ideas. But let me start by talking
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about something that I heard Oprah Winfrey say was a video of
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hers that I was watching. And somebody was talking to her
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about this whole woman and networking thing and stuff like
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that. And so Oprah Winfrey, she had a
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couple of things to say, one thing that she had to say to
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young women. And by the way, this is Oprah
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Winfrey talking. So if you're angry, go out and
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shout out Oprah Winfrey. Don't shout at me.
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I'm not repeating what it is that she said.
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Oh, by the way, that's also another thing I don't like about
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the discourse that we have nowadays about men and women's
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affairs. So because I'm part of the
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patriarchy, I'm a first born son, I only have boys, and it
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looks like I might be a successful member of society in
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a couple of years. So because of that, it is
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expected that because I'm a man, I'm a member of the patriarchy.
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It's expected that I do not have a right to be able to say
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certain things or that maybe I don't even have the perspective
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to understand certain things. OK, yes, I might not be able to
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have the proper perspective to understand to understand certain
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things, but because I'm the face of patriarchy in quote doesn't
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mean I should now keep my mouth shut.
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I shouldn't be able to say one or two things.
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But anyway, luckily for me, Oprah is the one that said it.
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So if you're angry at her, go and shout at her.
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Don't shout at me. So Oprah Warfrey complained that
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too many young women make this in a very, very formal or
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something that they just walk up to her and they say, oh, Oprah,
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I love you. I respect you.
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Will you be my mentor? Oprah complained that she, quite
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frankly, she doesn't know what to do with that.
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That is kind of overwhelming. And that what does it even mean
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for somebody to say I am your mentor.
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So this is Oprah talking, not me as a successful businesswoman
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woman. People are trying to be on the
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come up. They're trying to do networking.
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So they just run up to her. And then they say, Oprah, will
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you be my mentor? And so people, at least at the
16:52
time of the podcast, women are asking her nothing every week
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for Oprah. She says it's overwhelming.
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She doesn't know what to do. And then Oprah started talking
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about how men view things differently and how a man
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doesn't walk up to another man and say, Bros, I bad on you.
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Will you be my mentor, please? It is Oprah saying this, not me.
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So if you don't like what it is that I'm saying, go and shout at
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Oprah, go and shout at her Instagram handle, her Twitter
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handle, or go and send her angry emails, you know, don't send to
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me. So Oprah pointed out how for
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men, these things are much more organic, not as formal.
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Somebody doesn't just show up and say, be my mentor, that they
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find much more organic ways to enter into somebody's life.
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And then before you know it, you know, 1 senior man would just
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have a a click or a crew of guys where in the, you know, take a
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long, you know, in the train, in the school, in the mentor, you
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know, that kind of thing. But it's an informal something.
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It's not just a matter of you walk up to somebody and say,
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Bros, be my mentor. So it's like down with it.
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When I meet down with it, eventually, I'm not going to
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say, hey, down with it, be my mentor.
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So no, So young ladies who are saying be my mentor.
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And the reason why I'm asking is because since I started this
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podcast, I noticed that just like with Oprah, the people who
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come up to me and say be my mentor, I've noticed that it's
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usually usually women. That's the reason why I'm
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bringing up these things because of course, some guys do it too,
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but they're very low. So the high percentage of people
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who come with a very direct format or something is usually
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women. So maybe there are podcasts out
18:35
there that are telling young women now, look, you need to get
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mentors. So walk up to someone and say we
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will be my mentor. So that's not the way.
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Because the women who are in power in quotes like Oprah, it's
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too direct. It's kind of overwhelming.
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And then other women, like, I don't know what Moabudu's
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opinion is on this sort of thing because I've not heard Moabudu
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talk about, excuse me, being asked to be a mentor and stuff
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like that. I've heard her talk about
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mentorship, networking and things like that amongst women.
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One, for those of you who don't know Mohabudu, she was the, the,
19:16
the owner and the founder of Ebonylife TV.
19:20
What else? Ebonylife Studios, they had a
19:23
whole recording facility in Tinapa in Kalaba where you could
19:28
go and record movies and stuff like that.
19:31
Then what else? I can't remember some of the
19:34
other things she's done. OK, she used to be also in the
19:36
hotel space back in Lagos. But then I think just like my
19:39
mom says, she started her career in public relations, but she's a
19:43
senior babe. She's a big babe.
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So I haven't heard her talk about things like that.
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But I suspect that the number of young ladies who are walking up
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to more Abu Hussein be my mentor is probably high.
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And I won't be surprised if she also gets overwhelmed again,
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because, you know, it's, it's a bit too much.
19:58
So let's look at different perspectives now about how you
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can hook up this mentorship thing.
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Now, the first thing you're going to do is to orchestrate an
20:05
introduction. You're going to look for
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somebody who has mutual access, somebody who is a respected
20:11
person. And you see how that person can
20:13
get you an introduction because, you know, Oprah now, very busy
20:16
woman, more voodoo, very busy woman.
20:18
So you don't just run into these people by by luck, by chance.
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So you hook up an introduction. Now, when you get an
20:28
introduction, first of all, the focus is not what you can get
20:37
from the person. The focus is not be my mentor or
20:42
invest in my business or come and be on the board of my
20:45
charity or you know, the first time you're meeting at Oprah
20:49
Winfrey or more abudu is not take, take, take, take, take,
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take, take. The focus should be on how you
20:56
can add value to this person's life.
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I know some of you might think, oh, really simple me, how can I
21:02
add value? Truth of matter is, you never
21:06
know when you get into that kind of situation and you do get
21:09
introduced to Oprah or you do get introduced, introduced to
21:11
Mahabudu, or you do get introduced to Okonji, where she
21:15
was our former coordinating minister for finance.
21:20
I think she's currently back with the World Bank.
21:23
I think she's with the World Bank.
21:24
I can't remember anyway, because she has had a very illustrious
21:28
career. But when you meet those kind
21:30
women, when you meet those kind Amazons, if you're able to get
21:35
an intro, it's a matter of trying to be in that person's
21:40
orbit. I'm trying to see how you can
21:42
add value to that person, not what you can take.
21:49
So maybe Okonji Wella. OK, And then go and do the
21:54
research. Let's pretend she's still with
21:56
the World Bank. And let's say you've done your
21:58
research ahead of time. By the way, before you meet
22:00
these people, do your research before you meet Oprah Winfrey,
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before you meet Mahabudu, before you meet Okonji Wella.
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OK, that one is too high. Let's bring it down.
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Let's say in church, there's a respected woman in your church,
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the respected deaconess that you want to get to know.
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Maybe she's on the board of one or two companies or something
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like that. Basha, a normal human being,
22:23
respected person within your, your orbit.
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You must have done your research about these people ahead of
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time. It is not when you have the
22:31
chance to talk to Deaconess Akubiro that you'll be asking
22:33
her about her career. The information is, you know,
22:36
widely available over the Internet, by the way.
22:38
I'm just making her name up. So you suppose don't research
22:41
Deaconess Aphubiro ahead of time or the person who is hooking up
22:47
the introduction you would have asked the persons one kind
22:49
question like oh this is Deaconess of Bureau.
22:52
I like her see the way she is. I just admire this woman when I
22:55
grow up on to be like her, how she takes start safe and then
22:58
the person will start giving you some kind gist about this woman.
23:00
Her career had to come up. Did this did this do some
23:03
background research first. It is when you do background
23:08
research on somebody that when you show up in the person's
23:12
ambit that you can start having some really thought provoking
23:15
and insightful questions and you will now figure out how to add
23:18
value. So if you've done research ahead
23:20
of time and you know, for instance, that maybe what's her
23:24
name, Okonji Wehla, let's say she's with the World Bank now,
23:28
but then she has some current pet initiatives.
23:30
Maybe she's interested in infant mortality rate in Nigeria, or
23:34
maybe she's interested in access to menstrual health, or maybe
23:39
she's interested to Ruben, sorry, rural Urban Development
23:43
and how it affects her mind. You know, whatever it is, if you
23:45
have done some research ahead of time and you know one or two
23:49
things about her, you'll be able to now have an intelligent
23:52
conversation with her and say, ah, that Madame Econ Joella, Oh,
23:57
nice to nice to finally meet you.
23:59
I know you hear this a lot, blah, blah, blah, but I actually
24:01
respect you and this and this and that.
24:03
Especially the work that you are doing in access to menstrual
24:07
health. Something, something, something,
24:08
something. Now if Okonji Wella is
24:12
interested in these sorts of things, but she has not been
24:15
putting much light on this kind of thing, she'll be impressed
24:18
now. Oh, this young lady that has
24:20
stepped to me, she don't research me.
24:23
She knows one or two things. It is from there, for instance,
24:26
that if your specialty is in, let's say, social media
24:30
management or something, just from there, they can now say
24:32
that, look, Madam, this work that you're doing in access to
24:35
mental health, access to menstrual health is very, very
24:39
important. Like you said on your interview
24:42
in CNN on the 16th of January. So, so, so, and so this work
24:46
actually needs to be amplified. And Mommy, I am so tripped and
24:50
I'm so in love with you and I'm so in love with this mission
24:53
that I'm willing to do whatever it takes using my skills as a
24:56
social media manager, Mommy, to help this name blow.
24:59
So Mommy, I beg, if you don't mind, can I collect the phone
25:01
number of your Pai? Won't mind.
25:03
Let me come to the office on Monday.
25:05
Let me move this to your team. Let's let me see what people are
25:09
doing regarding this access to menstrual health and how you
25:14
people are trying to publicize this thing.
25:15
Let me see how I can use my skills, how I can use my time to
25:18
grow this kind thing. You understand now when you show
25:22
up like that with Deaconess Afubera in your church, or you
25:28
show up like that to a kanji Weller or you show up like that
25:31
to Moabudu, you show up like that to all these, you know,
25:34
correct, women, big, big women, all these Amazon them, they will
25:37
take notice. You're a babe that will stand
25:40
out instant instantly. You stand out because everybody
25:45
else that is coming will be like, ah, auntie, I beg, I'm
25:48
having this problem, Mommy, I beg, I'm having this problem,
25:51
I'm having this problem. Can I do this?
25:53
Mommy, I beg. I define work.
25:55
But you that has come with this kind value exchange and insight
26:01
immediately you stand out. And it doesn't matter whether
26:07
you're looking for a mentorship opportunity with Deaconess
26:10
Afubero or with more Abudu or whatever.
26:16
Even if Dangote where you want to approach, imagine you will
26:21
stand out. Dangote will leave saying, that
26:23
girl, she's sharp, he's APA, store her number.
26:26
She could become handy sometime in the future.
26:30
You understand that's the way forward.
26:33
So you don't just roll up on primary free and say, will you
26:35
be my mentor and somehow orchestrate an introduction?
26:40
Do your research ahead of time when you show up for this
26:43
meeting. These people's time is valuable.
26:45
They're always moving and they're meeting people every
26:48
day. 20304050 people every day. How do you think Okonji Wella is
26:52
going to remember you? If she if she's meeting 30 new
26:55
faces every day by the end of the week, that is 210 faces.
26:59
You gas to stand out. You gas to do your research and
27:04
then add value. Then if you are lucky that this
27:10
thing works and then you know you're now within her ambit.
27:14
You know the parambulate. You understand when she's in the
27:17
country, she comes by the office.
27:19
Maybe you jam out like two or three times, you know, because
27:23
you're one of those faces. Oh, this is that sharp girl that
27:26
I met her so so, so, and so you know you're providing value.
27:30
You're not being a pest. You're not this whole mommy.
27:32
I define work. Mommy, I have problem.
27:34
Mommy, I this, mommy that you know, none of that.
27:38
Once in a while when she's in the office, it won't be a
27:41
problem for you to enter inside and say, ah, mommy, no vex, I
27:43
beg it Got one project where you know this, this is that, you
27:48
know, and I'll need your advice. You know, what would you do if
27:51
you were in this kind of situation?
27:53
Then Deaconess Afubero again, I've just made that name up.
27:57
Deaconess or Conjuella or Oprah Winfrey or more I would do or
28:05
you know, if you're meeting a man or Dangote, then you know,
28:09
don't mind giving you time because you are within the orbit
28:11
your face that they see and that they know and you've been very,
28:15
very helpful. Don't have a problem.
28:17
Just, you know, 5 minutes, 15 minutes, just give you a small
28:20
conversation. OK, Have you thought about this?
28:23
Did you do this? OK, as a matter of fact, I know
28:26
somebody call this person. Just tell them that I sent you.
28:29
And then of course, when you're with this with these people, be
28:31
respectful of their time because everybody wants their time.
28:34
Everybody, even me self where I never blew, you know, people
28:37
want my time. So I can understand what the
28:40
pressures must be like when people get to that level.
28:42
When you are an Oprah, when you are more abudu and even on the
28:47
church level when you are a deaconess, the more you come out
28:50
of your car, you know people are greeting you.
28:52
Somebody wants to carry your bag.
28:53
You know that the person wants to carry your bag eventually
28:56
wants to ask you for something because you get her own problem,
28:59
you know. So be respectful of that time.
29:02
You add value any single time when you do touch base, you
29:05
know, sharp, sharp, sharp, 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes
29:09
Max and then move because there are other people who want
29:12
mummy's time. So if you're a calling, favor
29:18
all kind of person, I beg, you're being too transactional,
29:21
you're being too late, you're being a leash Leech and you end
29:25
up burning all the social capital that you have.
29:27
Rather, orchestrate an introduction, see how you can
29:30
add value or say you can drop some small insights.
29:34
Then by the time you're a valuable person, you've been
29:36
hanging around. You know you don't like how the
29:38
planets orbit around the sun. By the time you don't the orbit,
29:41
you know, you, you know, how does the sun, OK, the Earth
29:44
orbit orbits the sun. I mean, one cycle is 365 days.
29:50
So by the time you don't orbit two or three times, you know you
29:53
don't the orbit 6 months, you don't the orbit 1 year.
29:58
You'd have found the right to be able to walk inside mommy's
30:00
office and say Mommy, I beg Novix if you give 5 minutes
30:03
guarantee where I want to discuss with you.
30:06
That's how you do it. These are the ideas behind give
30:11
us gain or give to gain because I they give and they give and
30:16
they give eventually miss help I could again because I have been
30:21
given now I don't end the right small to ask for something in
30:25
return now. So will they do so?
30:30
Yeah. So I'm the face of the
30:31
patriarchy. Yes, I'm a first born son.
30:34
Yes, I only have boys. Yes, it looks like I'm going to
30:37
be a bigger boss in the future. Yes, granted I'm the face of the
30:40
patriarchy. But still something good can
30:42
come from my mouth. And I hope as I'm talking now
30:45
I'm ministering to one or two young ladies who are listening
30:47
to me. Hope I'm ministering.
30:49
Yes, I'm the face of patriarchy. But something good can come from
30:52
my mouth. Because I'm the face of the
30:54
patriarchy does not mean that I'm evil.
30:57
I'm not a villain. You don't see me immediately and
31:00
then automatically I'm the enemy.
31:02
No be so. No be so.
31:07
Anyway, more ideas about networking.
31:10
So, does networking have a special time and a special
31:13
place? The answer is no.
31:15
There are too many people, whether young men or young
31:17
women, who assume that networking only happens at
31:20
networking sessions. Now, networking sessions are
31:22
very, very good. For those of you who've been
31:24
following the podcast for years, you'll know that there's this
31:29
initiative by the UK government. What's it called?
31:34
Alumni. It's called Alumni UK.
31:37
For those of us who graduated from schools in the United
31:41
Kingdom, they hold these sessions that are also that are
31:45
organized by the British Council.
31:47
And I can't remember which other body, but the whole idea is they
31:49
set up these things so that those of us who graduated from
31:52
UK schools can get together periodically, you know,
31:55
quarterly, annually, whatever. We get to meet ourselves, we get
31:58
to network and then things like that.
32:00
And obviously these people are very smart.
32:03
Honestly, the reason why they're doing this is not because the
32:06
Lycos. The reason why they're doing
32:09
this is because if they're able to build useful, credible alumni
32:13
networks, it will also be a way of marketing admissions to UK
32:18
schools. I repeat, just in case you
32:21
didn't get it, if these people are able to build really
32:25
wonderful, credible alumni networks, other people will be
32:28
noticed and be like, oh, not them.
32:30
Them I only UK see as they're moving and they're shaking.
32:34
Therefore let me to go to Auk school or let me send my kids to
32:39
Auk school. So there's some communities that
32:42
already have this thing like the, is it the Harvard society
32:45
or something? Basically Nigerians who went to
32:47
Harvard, you know, they have their own association, they get
32:49
their own click. So those kind of networking
32:53
sessions, you know, Harvard Association of Nigeria, Lagos
32:56
chapter, you know, whatever or alumni UK or even or maybe even,
33:02
you know, eBay or more to do a, you know, descendants of Yoruba
33:05
people through so, so so you know, all those kind of
33:08
networking sessions, no problem. It's all good.
33:11
But that doesn't mean that you cannot be networking without a
33:16
special time and without a special place.
33:18
So networking doesn't need a special time.
33:20
It does need a special place. You should always be looking for
33:23
people who are worth building a connection with.
33:29
Please remember that when I talk like this, I'm not saying that
33:33
some people that may be poor people or broke people or
33:37
whatever, you should not be friends with them.
33:38
Please. I am not saying that we should
33:41
respect everybody, OK. And then since we're Africans,
33:46
since we're Nigerians, we know the game.
33:49
The game is as you, they move up, you're going to pull one or
33:53
two people along with you. You clean them up, you touch
33:57
them up so that they too, they'll pull somebody again.
34:00
That's how things work, or rather that's how things are
34:02
supposed to work in Nigeria. As you, they clean up, as you do
34:05
progress, you go to clean up one or two people, they too should
34:08
be cleaning up some people. That's how I'll be making
34:11
progress. So when I say always be on the
34:15
lookout for people worth building connections with, I'm
34:17
not saying, you know, prioritize the rich or the powerful over
34:20
those who are poor who don't have anything.
34:23
I'm not saying that. OK, Then we should also be
34:27
looking for situations where we can provide mutual beneficial
34:31
value to people. So we're keeping an eye out for
34:34
people that if they were in our space, we'll be able to provide
34:37
value to them. They would also be able to
34:39
provide value to us even if you're looking for somebody who
34:42
is not in your space like the person is on another level like
34:46
Madam Okonji Wella for instance, where she don't pass your level
34:49
far. Still you're trying to see how
34:52
they can be mutually beneficial value.
34:54
You'll be giving value to Madam Okonji Wella and then once in a
34:57
while, you would a guess of value in return.
35:02
So we should always be on the lookout.
35:05
And I've noticed that that's one thing that Nigerian parents do
35:07
very well. I noticed because for me, when
35:10
my kids were getting into school, I was just thinking
35:12
school, quite frankly, that's all I was thinking.
35:15
But I noticed that men, Nigerian parents always on the move
35:18
everywhere in the network. Church is networking
35:21
opportunity, mosque is networking opportunity, school
35:25
is networking opportunity. Nigerian people know they carry
35:29
last, always on the move. But yes, that's the attitude.
35:33
Anywhere can be a networking opportunity, mosque, church,
35:37
even school. I've even seen in the market
35:41
where two people hooked up and started having an interesting
35:43
conversation and I said imagine simple market, Carol Market in
35:49
Abuja, hot, sweaty or whatnot, random conversation.
35:53
These people just start and looks like there's some business
35:56
alignment. So even in the market you're
35:59
pricing a Guzzi, pricing on your pricing meats, pricing bitter
36:03
leaf. Even there you can be doing
36:05
networking so should always be on the lookout.
36:10
How can you find people who are worth building connections with
36:14
and where there are opportunities for mutually
36:16
beneficial value. In fact, I would say look for
36:19
opportunities where you can add value first because you being a
36:25
valuable member of a network can make networking easy for you.
36:29
Because if everybody knows that look, this babe, whenever she
36:32
enters into the situation, things change.
36:34
When this babe enters inside the room, solutions come
36:38
automatically. If everywhere is scattered and
36:40
this babe comes in everywhere, go, just arrange.
36:45
When you are that kind of lady, it's not even that you're the
36:49
one that will be chasing people. Then go, they chase you now,
36:51
damn, would they rush you For you, the challenge will now be
36:55
OK. So many people, they rush me.
36:56
How can I scream? How can I filter?
36:59
How can I reduce? How can I prioritize?
37:03
Who am I going to let come close?
37:06
So you should be focusing on the value that you bring the
37:10
situations. Now, even though I've said that
37:13
there's no need for special networking time, no need for
37:18
special networking place. Also, please take advantage of
37:23
all these formal networking sessions.
37:25
If the core meeting of descendants of alluring
37:30
something something something show, show up, you don't know
37:33
who can be there. You don't know, you never know,
37:39
you might show up there for descendants of of eluring
37:44
children something something Abuja chapter meeting, you might
37:48
show up and then you meet somebody who happens to be the
37:52
son-in-law for Koji Wella. Now Koji Wella Isibo, you're a
37:55
descendant of Eluring but because her son-in-law is there,
38:00
that's why you get the introduction.
38:01
You never know how these connections work.
38:03
So show up if they say old students of above me, a World
38:08
War University Lagos chapter, having networking something.
38:12
So show up. You never know.
38:15
You haven't seen your classmates in 20-30 years.
38:17
You don't know what's up. You don't know who is where and
38:19
who is who and what's been going on.
38:21
Show up if you hear say alumni UK, Alumni UK something
38:27
something, they have a meeting. Calaba session, sorry, Calaba
38:31
chapter something something meeting at Federal Palace Hotel,
38:34
Show up. You never know.
38:39
You finish your master's, you know, University College London
38:42
or something you finished ten years ago.
38:44
You don't know what your classmates are, you don't know
38:46
what's been going on. You don't know who is who, you
38:48
don't know who is moving and shaking.
38:49
Show up. BNI down is a weekly something,
38:56
but Please remember BNI, they don't play.
38:58
They're very serious. If they say the meeting starts
39:00
at 6:00 AM in the morning, best believe 6:00 AM meeting has
39:03
started. If they say 7:00 AM.
39:05
If they say 8:00 AM meeting has started.
39:07
Unfortunately for me, I could not find a single chapter that
39:10
has their meeting at 10 AM. At least it was 10 AMI would
39:13
have gone. So please those of you who are
39:15
members of BNA in in Niger, I beg you should talk to your
39:21
chapter presidents on this seven O clock meeting. 8 O clock
39:24
meeting. Those of us that do school runs,
39:26
like how are we supposed to partake?
39:29
Not everybody has driver so that the driver will go and drop the
39:32
kids. Then we can go somewhere else.
39:34
I beg you should try and be organizing some of these
39:37
meetings. You know, 93010I beg anybody who
39:41
is a BNI chapter, go and talk to your chapter president.
39:44
I beg some of us want to take part.
39:46
It's just that 7:00 meeting, 7:00 meeting.
39:51
Anyway, then move on. What Sharon, I'm just trying to
39:54
say is any formal networking event show, show up, show up,
40:00
show up. Now when you show up, do not
40:02
commit any of these cardinal scenes.
40:05
There are some scenes that people make when they show up
40:07
for networking sessions. Well, sorry for the noise coming
40:09
in from the background. Like I said, making these days
40:11
recording at home. I live in an estate where people
40:13
are not supposed to keep pets. And when we were coming here, my
40:16
wife was very happy because my wife doesn't like animals.
40:19
But then when we moved in, we saw that we are living in a zoo.
40:25
So the Kukuruku you're hearing outside is my neighbors
40:27
chickens? Yeah, my neighbors has chickens.
40:30
Then there's another neighbor that has Peacocks.
40:33
Yes, Peacocks. I had no idea that people keep
40:36
Peacocks as pets. Then my children discovered a
40:41
few days ago that my neighbor downstairs has dog.
40:44
OK. Then immediately we moved in, my
40:47
wife noticed that there was plenty of stray cats around.
40:52
Then I'm hearing gist that somebody has a pet snake in this
40:54
estate by name. It's just gist I've not seen.
40:57
It's just gist I've heard. So they say this estate, no
41:01
pets. Meanwhile, you can say I'm
41:03
living in a zoo. So that cuckoo that you're
41:05
hearing, it's my neighbors chickens.
41:08
Please, Nigerians, can we learn how to obey rules?
41:12
Yeah, if you're moving to an estate and they say no pets
41:16
allowed, if you have pets, don't move in there instead of coming
41:19
there with your chickens and your Peacocks and your snakes
41:22
and your cats and your, I don't know, anyway, So yes, apologies.
41:28
That's the noise in the background.
41:30
Where was I? So there's some cardinal scenes
41:33
that people commit when they go for formal networking sessions.
41:36
One of them is some people just enter there and all they do is
41:38
business card, business card, business card, just be
41:41
collecting business card, collecting business card,
41:43
collecting business card down is even better.
41:45
Some people, their own focus is just on giving business card,
41:48
giving business card, giving business card.
41:50
Please don't be that babe who shows up for the formal
41:52
networking event and that's all you do.
41:54
You say, oh, my name is Kemi Battleball.
41:56
I graduated from Harvard. I graduated first class.
41:59
This is my company. This is what I do here.
42:02
Take my card. Then you move on to the next
42:03
person and you start again. My name is Kemi Battleball,
42:06
graduated from Harvard. I graduated from first my class.
42:09
This is my startup. This is what I do here.
42:11
Take my business card, I graduate, and then on and on and
42:14
on and on. You go for a networking session
42:16
and then you spend 2 hours just saying.
42:19
My name is Kim Guaidevo. I graduated from Harvard.
42:22
I was top of my class, I finished first class.
42:24
I currently run the startup. This is what I do.
42:29
First of all, yes, it's kind of impressive and people will be
42:32
like, man, that baby's impressive, but that's where it
42:34
will end. You won't build any meaningful
42:36
relationship with anybody #2 that kind of networking is very,
42:40
very tiring. It's very, very tiring.
42:44
That's the reason why some of you leave networking sessions
42:48
and you leave very tired. You leave exhausted because it
42:53
is exhausting to spend 2 hours going up to people and then
42:56
saying hello, my name is Sammy Betobo.
42:59
I graduated from Harvard. I was top of my class right now,
43:02
relocated to Nigeria. This is my startup.
43:04
This is what I do. Very tiring then.
43:08
Plus it's embarrassing because eventually you will get back to
43:11
somebody that you will not even remember their face.
43:14
You will start the spiel all over again.
43:15
Hello, my name is Keen Baddibor. I graduated first class in
43:19
Harvard. Top of my class.
43:21
I really care about Nigeria. The person.
43:23
Now stop here and say, actually we've met before.
43:24
I've collected your business card.
43:28
Awkward. Awkward as hell.
43:31
You just spoke to somebody 2 minutes ago.
43:33
You can't even remember their face.
43:34
You think this person will have a good impression of you?
43:36
You couldn't even bother to remember their face or their
43:39
name. You think the person is going to
43:41
keep your business card and actually call you you when you
43:44
couldn't even bother to remember that you just had a conversation
43:46
with this person 10 minutes ago because you're preoccupied to
43:49
running around and telling everybody about your first class
43:52
and telling everybody about your startup.
43:54
Please don't be that babe. I see this one has nothing to do
43:58
with patriarchy. Even amongst guys, nobody likes
44:00
that guy. Nobody.
44:02
There's one of our classmates that has me and Sherkun because
44:07
for video and photo, you know, he's my guy.
44:09
We run some projects together. So it's one of our classmates
44:14
that's a big boy, confirm big boy.
44:18
When it comes to media in Nigeria, everybody knows the
44:20
guy's name, Everybody certified big boy.
44:23
In fact, those one time were at his house and the guy was kind
44:29
of bragging, you know, that kind of humble brag or showing us his
44:31
phone as you know that this person was reaching out to him
44:34
was in Lagos. The person is begging that she
44:36
collects 7.5. And then he said no, you know,
44:40
that kind of humble brag, you know, so we all know those kind
44:48
of guy. Nobody likes that kind of guy.
44:50
You know, when we finished and we left, although I drive, I was
44:53
about to drive out. Shekhar was like there's no
44:56
point. I said there's no point.
44:57
I be say, yeah, there's no point and Shagun can be kind of rude.
45:02
Shagun said don't mind that. You know, he used some
45:04
expletives starting with the words M, it has mother in front
45:08
and then it ends in ER. So they said don't mind that
45:10
mother. I beg More they go, more they go
45:15
it's not his fault self. Yeah, now we will say me with
45:21
concrete time. So nobody likes that kind of
45:24
person. In case some of you are saying
45:26
that, oh, women get punished for this, men get punished for this.
45:28
No, it's not a matter of women get punished for nobody likes
45:31
that guy, Nobody likes that girl who is just me, me, me, me, me,
45:35
me, me, me, me. Humble brag, humble brag, overt
45:39
brag, overt brag. So when you're in a networking
45:42
session, don't do that. It's not about dishing out your
45:45
business card and then bragging about you.
45:49
For those of you who go and try to collect as many business
45:51
cards as possible, OK, people are on the right track.
45:56
The problem problem is you collect all these business cards
45:58
at the end of the networking event.
46:00
You don't call anybody please networking properly.
46:05
So speaking begins after the event is over, not while the
46:10
event is on. Let me repeat in case some of
46:13
you don't get it. And there's something I've been
46:16
telling my wife because she goes for some of these things.
46:19
She comes out with like 1010 business cards.
46:22
I'm like, OK, so when are you going to call them?
46:24
She's like, I break. Showing up for the session is
46:28
not the main thing. What you do after the networking
46:34
event is the main thing. The phone calls that you make
46:38
after the event is the main thing.
46:40
The office visits, the house visits, the project visits, the
46:44
whatever that you do after the event is the main thing.
46:51
So it's not even just about collecting business card up and
46:53
down. If after the event you don't do
46:55
anything with those business cards, you have wasted your
46:58
time. The only thing you benefited is
47:00
you just had some good drinks because at this networking
47:03
events, they don't even have the distance to have good food.
47:05
They will say is finger food. You now come and be giving me
47:09
what was this thing called? I can't remember.
47:12
This thing is called samosa. You come and give me two samosa.
47:15
Like what am I supposed to do with this thing?
47:16
You guys can't even have proper, you know, rice and chicken at
47:19
this events. What's with all this finger food
47:21
to help with finger food, I beg. Yes, it's a networking event,
47:25
but you know who goes up now? Some correct drinks.
47:28
You know, you give somebody 1, you know, one glass of
47:31
champagne, that's all. Like, I don't know who organizes
47:36
these things. Give us some food, give us some
47:39
some drinks. Let's have a good time.
47:41
You know, how did I get there? So anyway, so it's not about
47:46
additional business cards. It's not about collecting
47:48
business cards. Now, when you show up for the
47:51
event, these formal sessions, this is the proper focus that
47:53
you need to have. You're trying to figure out who
47:56
is in this room because honestly speaking, you don't know, you
47:59
may go, you may have gone to school with some of these
48:01
people, but it's been a while. It's been 10 years, 20 years, 15
48:04
years, 30 years. It's been a while.
48:06
Who is in the room? What do they do?
48:15
When you're meeting people, this is the proper focus.
48:18
You walk up to somebody, you introduce yourself, but you're
48:20
also trying to find out who is this person?
48:24
What do they do? How did they get here?
48:27
What's their history? What are the current challenges
48:29
that they're facing? Personal, you're in business,
48:31
What is their vision, personal or business wise?
48:34
Stuff like that. It is I'm asking all these kinds
48:36
of questions that you can figure out who is interesting enough to
48:41
keep in touch with afterwards. Can you also see why walking all
48:45
over the hall saying, hello, my name is Kemi Baddibor.
48:48
I graduated from Harvard first class.
48:50
I'm back in Nigeria. This is the startup that I'm
48:53
working on. Here's my business card.
48:54
You leave, you take that approach.
48:57
You will never find out who was important in the room.
49:02
What if you've been trying to get in touch with Bill Gates for
49:04
a very long time and there were six people in that room who
49:07
actually be connected to the Bill and the Melinda Gates
49:09
Foundation? You will never know because you
49:13
never asked anybody a single question.
49:15
Your focus was, hello, my name is Kemik by the ball.
49:18
I graduated first class from Harvard.
49:19
I'll stop in my class. I'm back in Nigeria now.
49:21
This is my startup here. This is my card.
49:24
You will never know that five of the people who are in the room
49:27
are connected to Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, the
49:30
very same organization you've been trying to hook up with.
49:33
You will never know. In fact, I tell people you're
49:37
better off not talking about yourself at all.
49:39
You just go. You roll up on somebody.
49:41
Hey, what's up? Hope you're having fun at the
49:43
event so far. Oh, by the way, how did you join
49:46
the organization? Oh, really?
49:48
OK. You graduated from the UK as
49:49
well? Which school?
49:51
Oh, University College of London.
49:52
Oh, interesting. I always wanted to go to that
49:54
school by I couldn't get in. I wanted to go for the master's
49:56
program. Which program did you go for?
49:58
Oh, interesting. Politics, philosophy and
50:00
economics. Wow, How come you chose that
50:02
course, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah?
50:04
By the way, how does that tie to what you do today?
50:06
What do you do today anyway? Oh, really?
50:08
You work in this field? You work in that field?
50:10
Oh, that's interesting. All projects are you guys
50:12
currently working on blah, blah, blah, blah, OK, All people in
50:15
that field usually have these kinds of challenges, that kinds
50:18
of challenges. Are you guys having those kinds
50:20
of challenges as well? OK, so what's the trajectory for
50:23
growth for 20/26/2020 Seven in Nigeria.
50:27
OK. Oh, these are your plans.
50:28
This is this That is not that sounds like some pretty cool
50:31
stuff. Pretty interesting.
50:33
Hope you don't mind. I'd like for us to keep in
50:35
touch. Can I have your business card?
50:40
You see how you do it, but it's how you leave that person.
50:43
The person will be like that woman was a very brilliant, very
50:47
smart, intelligent woman. By the time you called the
50:51
personal blade on hi, this is coming by the of course the
50:55
person would remember your name because he met 50 different
50:57
people. So coming.
50:58
Sorry, I can't remember. Oh, we met two weeks ago at the
51:01
social social networking session.
51:03
I'm the girl that you spoke about, the one who couldn't,
51:05
that we, we spoke to the one who couldn't get into University
51:08
College of London. Oh, I'm so glad you called.
51:12
I'm sorry I had all these business cards.
51:15
I didn't know which was you and blah, blah, blah.
51:16
And I've been asking around. Oh, I'm so glad you called.
51:19
I've been thinking about you. I really enjoyed our
51:20
conversation together, blah, blah, blah.
51:22
You see how the thing happens? You show up to these sessions
51:28
and the focus is who is in the room, What do they do they think
51:33
that they're doing now? Where are they trying to move
51:35
these things to? Are they facing any challenges?
51:37
What is their vision? You're just trying to figure out
51:39
who is an interesting person in this room so I can keep in touch
51:42
with this person afterwards. Then pursue the relationships
51:45
after the networking event. Call somebody, visit somebody,
51:52
go somewhere, do something. I don't know what it is.
51:56
Whether you're going to send an e-mail or a text message or a
51:59
WhatsApp message or you, the session is not the main thing.
52:06
If you do not call anybody after the event, you can't even say
52:09
that you had a good evening with good food, because all you did
52:11
was you have one glass of champagne, only one glass.
52:14
They'd even give you guys, you know, correct shadow, you know,
52:17
to lubricate and enjoy yourself. Then the best that they give you
52:20
is 1 meat pie and two samosa. Then all those funny vegetable
52:25
like somethings, you just put one vegetable in your mouth and
52:27
anything, no disintegrate. You can't even say you have good
52:29
food. Then the way that they organize
52:31
these things, there's no chair to sit down, so people are
52:34
standing all the time. You're wearing high heels,
52:36
you'll be standing for three hours.
52:37
You can't even say it was a fun, fun event if you don't call
52:40
anybody afterwards. If you don't do anything after
52:42
the event, you just wasted your time.
52:43
You're better off staying at home.
52:48
So this is how you do networking, especially in the
52:53
formal networking session. The focus is on what you do
52:57
after the event. While you're in the event,
53:01
you're just trying to figure out who is in the room, who are the
53:03
interesting people here, what do they do?
53:05
And it's from all these questions that you ask about
53:08
their history, about where they are, the vision that they have.
53:11
The challenges are not what not. That is where you will get the
53:14
information so that by the time you're calling up somebody later
53:16
on, you have some value to give to them.
53:20
So back to this whole chemical badable example, by the way, I
53:23
don't know if it's a real name. I just made it up.
53:24
Your name is chemical badable. I beg.
53:26
It's just a coincidence, OK? I'm not picking on you.
53:30
So by the time this person is like, oh, I'm so glad you called
53:34
and this and this. And he said, yeah, actually,
53:35
I've been thinking about this, our conversation that we had.
53:37
Remember when you said with your organization, with your
53:40
business, you're experiencing this and this and this
53:41
challenges? I've been thinking about that.
53:44
And in my business, what we do is something, something,
53:47
something. I think there is room here for
53:50
mutual growth. I have come up with a couple of
53:53
scenarios where I think how my organization and yours working
53:57
together, I can help you achieve this disease and that that, that
54:00
that. Would you be interested in
54:03
having a meeting with me? I'm going to be in Lagos.
54:07
I'm coming in on the first flight.
54:08
I have one or two projects around.
54:10
But by Wednesday afternoon, I should be free.
54:12
Can I come by office so that we can talk?
54:17
You see how the thing works. It is because you listen to the
54:19
person that you're not able to think that, oh, OK, based on
54:23
what they're doing, based on where they're going, based on
54:26
the challenges that they're facing myself, this is how I can
54:28
slot myself into the agenda. And then you have a meeting.
54:33
Whether the deal closes or the deal doesn't close is beside the
54:36
point. The thing is just that by doing
54:38
all the right activities over and over again, you are
54:42
increasing the chances that eventually something sweet will
54:45
click. That is how it works.
54:53
So it's not just about sharing business card anyhow.
54:56
It's not just about collecting business card anyhow.
54:58
Who is in the room anyway? Since I've overstressed it and
55:02
since we're close to one hour, let me bring today's episode to
55:04
a close. So happy International Women's
55:07
Day to all my aunties, all my mommies, all my cousins, all my
55:13
younger sisters, all my Big Sisters.
55:15
No, we love you, all of you. Today's your day.
55:18
So happened to National Men's Day and I made today's podcast
55:21
in support of it. I don't want to beg you people
55:24
on a few things, especially since I am the face of
55:27
patriarchy because I'm a first born son and I only have boys
55:34
and the way things are going, if I plan my life well, I'll be
55:37
somebody in society in a couple of years.
55:39
So I'm the face of patriarchy. I just want to beg all of you
55:43
now I'm not the enemy. I get that a lot now that we
55:49
have boys. My wife understands some of the
55:51
things that I was saying because there was one party that we went
55:53
to and my son, this time, my son was only two years old.
55:56
I say 2, two or three, two years old.
56:00
I can't remember what it was. And you know how it happens with
56:04
children. And then another mother was
56:06
saying that, ah, good, we have to teach men about respect,
56:12
about access to men's bodies. Something, something, something.
56:14
My mom was like from where to where?
56:18
Like they are just children or it was an honest mistake.
56:23
These things happen all the time, like from where to where?
56:26
And the other mothers were joining in that know that yes,
56:28
yes, access to female body. Something, something, something,
56:31
something. My wife was confused because it
56:34
was a so it was not a party was a bridal.
56:37
What do you call this thing? Is it bridal?
56:40
Bridal shower? But what do you call it?
56:42
Either bridal shower or mommy shower or something like that.
56:45
You know, these kind of events where they allow children.
56:48
My wife was giving me the gist later on and I told her, look,
56:51
my dear, there actually is some of the things I'm trying to
56:53
explain to you. But now that we have boys, you
56:55
see, the only thing I'm begging is that the the temperature is
57:02
too high. Everybody is on high alert.
57:06
The temperature is too high. We need to calm things down.
57:09
He was just a 2 year old boy playing with another 2 year old
57:14
lady. And then mistakes happen.
57:17
Everybody called a vibrate access to female's body from
57:20
where to where on top Two years old.
57:23
It's not as if I went somewhere and then as an adult I want to
57:27
go and press somebody's, you understand?
57:32
I beg. Temperature is too high.
57:36
We should calm it down. So yes, I'm the face of the
57:41
patriarchy and like my son too, he's the face of a patriarchy.
57:44
He's the first born son of a first born son.
57:46
If I play my cards right and I become somebody he self, he will
57:49
become somebody. That's how all of now we look at
57:51
the poor boy. He's the face of the patriarchy.
57:53
Calm down, relax. Temperature is too high.
57:59
Patriarchy. Mine is not even the problem.
58:01
The problem is a lot of us boys who are being raised with our
58:04
accountability, we're being raised without proper formation.
58:07
Nobody's teaching us the proper rules, the proper things, how to
58:10
conduct ourselves. What does it mean to be a man
58:12
then? There's no accountability.
58:14
So all these politicians now with the misbehave up and down
58:17
like this guy, Senate President, the only two press, this woman,
58:21
Natasha, the whole thing became an issue.
58:24
The problem is not patriarchy. The problem is that we didn't
58:26
hold this guy to account. We don't hold him to account.
58:30
So today he tried, now he tried to press somebody today.
58:33
He got away with it. Tomorrow he will try and press
58:35
another person again. Now because no accountability,
58:37
we know hold up to the rules. We don't hold up to the
58:39
standard. That's problem.
58:41
Don't be saying our patriarchy that problem.
58:43
Patriarchy is not the issue because let's face it, even if
58:48
we switch today and then we say OK, matriarchy is now the norm
58:52
so long as women know they play by the rules, No, they are
58:56
accountable. You know, no proper formation.
58:58
Yeah, goes to the query was still day.
59:03
So it doesn't matter what it is, patriarchy, matriarchy,
59:07
oligarchy, any kind key problem was still day.
59:11
If people are not playing according to the rules, if no
59:13
proper formation, no accountability.
59:16
So that's the problem. Nobody said patriarchy, not the
59:18
issue. Then we also need to calm down.
59:23
Nobody fight. The sexes are comple,
59:26
complementary. It's not a war.
59:28
It is not me versus you. It's not boys versus girl.
59:32
There's no husband versus wife. It's complimentary.
59:34
It is boy and girl or girl and boy.
59:38
It is me and you or you and me. It is husband and wife, Abby,
59:42
wife and husband. The Catholic Church calls it
59:47
complementarity. Now the principle be that
59:50
complementarity of the sexes as was as what we have here, it's
59:55
not a war, it's not a fight. Then please understand that even
1:00:00
though some of us are the face of the patriarchy, I'm a first
1:00:03
born son. I only have boys.
1:00:06
My poor son is going to grow up as the first born son of a first
1:00:11
born who also happens to be a bigger boy.
1:00:14
If everything I do clicks, you know it's it's not a war when
1:00:22
you see me. Don't just see me as patriarchy.
1:00:26
For those of you that are old, see me as your son.
1:00:30
For those of you that are close in age, see me as your brother.
1:00:34
See me as your cousin as you do. Look your husband.
1:00:38
That's what you should look. Me too.
1:00:40
But of course, you know I'm not your husband, you understand?
1:00:41
I'm happily married. I'm not looking for a second
1:00:43
wife, at least not yet. Let me hammer first.
1:00:49
I'm just kidding. Don't tell my wife that I beg,
1:00:50
but that's how you see me. If you see me as a son and you
1:00:56
see said they misbehave, call me and say my son, You know, I like
1:01:01
what you're doing. This, this, this.
1:01:03
But it's something I want to tell you.
1:01:04
And then you talk to me as your son, as a son, talk to me as a
1:01:09
brother, talk to me as a cousin, talk to me as a husband.
1:01:11
This thing is not war. And see, let me take one secret.
1:01:14
If you make this thing war, men are very, very quarrelsome.
1:01:18
If you want war, what would they do?
1:01:19
They will give you war. And if you enter into a war
1:01:23
knowing that you're not strong enough to succeed, then it's not
1:01:28
a war. I beg, let's calm things down.
1:01:32
And I am not the enemy. If I've been able to say
1:01:34
something today that will inspire or influence one or two
1:01:38
babes, I hope people understand. I hope you can see that you
1:01:41
actually can learn one or two things from the enemy.
1:01:44
So it's not always that you just condemn us and write us off.
1:01:49
So a happy International Women's Day today, the 8th of March
1:01:53
2020, sixth Sunday. I'm the child of a feminist and
1:02:00
we get plenty feminist ready for my family.
1:02:03
So because of that, I stand and I salute because today is your
1:02:08
day. In fact, it is not.
1:02:10
Like I said, it's not a war, it's not a competition.
1:02:12
Today is our day because today we celebrate our mommies, we
1:02:15
celebrate our sisters. For those of us who have these
1:02:19
only boys, I have, you know, but for those of you who have girls,
1:02:21
we celebrate our daughters. So today's our day is not a
1:02:25
fight, it's not a war. But I'm hoping that I've been
1:02:28
able to impart something about networking, the right way to
1:02:33
network. And hopefully this will add to
1:02:37
the conversation small so that people have Oprah Winfrey and
1:02:40
people like Mohabbudu and people like Okonji Wella.
1:02:44
Don't be in that situation where young girls just walk up to them
1:02:46
and say, mommy mentor me. Anyway, if you've heard
1:02:52
something here, you'd like to connect with me, you can call,
1:02:57
send me a text message or WhatsApp message on 08064662140.
1:03:04
Or please don't ask me to be your mentor because I don't
1:03:09
mentor anybody, at least not for free.
1:03:11
But if you have any questions, I will answer your question
1:03:14
because I'm OK with giving free coaching provided we tackle one
1:03:19
question only. So think really hard, I think
1:03:22
really fast about your what you want your one question to be.
1:03:26
If you want us to go in depth, let's say you've been trying
1:03:29
networking. Networking is a serious part of
1:03:32
your career growth plan or your business development plan or
1:03:35
stuff like that. And you have questions around
1:03:38
whether you're executing it well, what you could be doing
1:03:40
differently, things like that. Then reach out, you call me,
1:03:43
send me a text message or a WhatsApp message on 08064662140.
1:03:49
Well, please don't call me at 7:00 AM.
1:03:51
Last week somebody tried calling me at 7.
1:03:53
AMI have kids. Early morning is early morning
1:03:58
school runs and stuff. What's that call?
1:04:02
Send me a text message or a WhatsApp message.
1:04:05
So yeah, that's it. Hope you've had fun.
1:04:10
If there's anything I said here that you disagree with still,
1:04:12
I'd like to hear from you. 08064662140 You can call me
1:04:18
unless quarrel. You can say, bro, that time that
1:04:21
you said this, you are not correct.
1:04:22
Let me hear your own perspective.
1:04:24
So that's it. Thanks for your time and
1:04:26
attention. I will catch you all some other
1:04:28
time. Again, happy International
1:04:31
Women's Day to all my female listeners listening to the
1:04:34
podcast today or at any other time that you're listening to
1:04:37
the to the podcast. So I'll catch you some other
1:04:40
time.