Latest / Get It Got It Girl: Midlife Rebuild / Four Steps For When Silence Feels Loud

Transcript

Four Steps For When Silence Feels Loud · Get It Got It Girl: Midlife Rebuild

• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: If you ever tried to protect your peace in a relationship while still feeling deeply hurt by it, this episode is for you.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: After realizing that I couldn't force repair in a relationship that I care about, I thought the next step would be easier, but it wasn't.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: Because once you stop trying to fix something, you're left with something else.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: The feelings.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: The silence, the distance, the discomfort of not being met where you hoped you would be met.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the part people don't talk about.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: Because it's one thing to say, don't react.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: It's another thing to sit in the emotional weight of what's still there.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: And here's what I've been learning.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: You can understand why someone behaves a certain way and still feel hurt by it.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: You can have empathy and you still feel pain.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: You can tell yourself, don't take it personally and still feel it personally.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: Both things can be true.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: So instead of trying to shut my emotions off, I've been learning how to hold them a little bit differently.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: So step one, and there's going to be four steps.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: Step one, you can name it.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: Like for me, I just said, this hurts.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: Step two, you separate the meaning from your identity.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: This is about what's happening, not who I am.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: Step three, don't react immediately.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: I don't have to respond from this feeling right now.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: Step four, ground yourself in reality.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: I can care about this person and still protect my emotional space.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: Protecting your peace doesn't mean you stop feeling.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: It means that you can love somebody without abandoning yourself in the process.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to say that a second time because that has been huge for me.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: It means you can love someone without abandoning yourself in the process.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is just pause.