Latest / SECOND CLOCK™ / SEASON 6 | IN IT

Transcript

SEASON 6 | IN IT · SECOND CLOCK™

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  I've heard it said that people can change, but only if they
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  want to. So what would it take for you to
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  try it? Change the way you think, feel,
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  relate and experience situations.
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  For me, I wanted to find the truth and little by little I did
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  become different and old conditionings gone.
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  Then I set a new course. I refer to that as the second
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  clock. Join me, click follow, like and
• 0:29
  subscribe and let's see where this leads in it.
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  That's what I refer to it. When somebody is caught up in
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  something, overly invested in an outcome or a situation, when
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  somebody can't get space between themselves and whatever is going
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  on in their lives. And you know when someone's in
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  it, when they're pulling you into it, when they're telling
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  you stories, laying out evidence and facts so you can get on
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  board with their perception. You can also tell because
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  they're filled with emotion, feelings, and their thoughts on
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  the topic are bubbling over. And for some people, they're
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  overthinking on the subject altogether.
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  I was talking to my friend recently and she was telling me
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  a story about her friend. And with every word she spoke,
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  it became clearer and clearer that whatever my friend's view
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  was on her friend in that situation, she wasn't going to
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  get through to that friend because her friend was in it
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  fully. When I said this to my friend,
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  she goes, yeah, that's exactly how I feel when I talk to her.
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  It's like, I don't even know why I'm talking to her.
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  I'm not sure what she wants from me because I don't think she's
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  going to listen. And I was like, yeah, sometimes
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  when someone's in it, they can't hear anything but what they want
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  to hear, which is you agree, you're there for them, and
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  whatever they need, you're willing to help with.
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  But lately, I haven't found myself in it like I used to be
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  when I was younger, I would say I could get caught up in
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  something so easily. My day could be going one way
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  and then all of a sudden go off the rails because somebody said
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  something to me, poked the bear, if you will.
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  And the next thing you know, I'm phoning a friend and telling
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  them what I think about a situation that most likely I
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  can't change, I can't control. And no matter how much I retell
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  a story or hope for something different, very little can be
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  done. The shift in me came recently.
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  I wish it had come sooner, but it hadn't.
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  It happened when I was in a conversation with somebody and I
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  found that no matter what I said, it wasn't going to matter.
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  This person was invested in their point of view, as so many
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  people are, as I've been. So when I realized that, I just
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  sat back and I started to observe.
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  In the past, when somebody ropes me into a conversation and wants
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  to share, I assume that they're looking for advice or my point
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  of view, or maybe they want me to fix things altogether, That
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  them calling on me is some kind of call to action for me.
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  But during this conversation, I was quickly realizing something
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  that probably I should have realized a long time ago, that
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  when somebody's in a conversation with me, they don't
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  necessarily want me to say much. And in this particular
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  conversation, I didn't have much to say, and I didn't want to
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  offer what I actually thought because I saw the situation so
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  differently than this person. And I could tell that that
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  divide was too great. So instead, I chose to say
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  little. He was so in it that I didn't
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  see a way out for him, and I couldn't say that he wanted a
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  way out. So instead I set an observation
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  and as I listened and I saw what my role was in the conversation,
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  I started seeing things clearly and it felt like it was for the
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  first time every time the person talked.
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  It's like every book I had ever read on so many different
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  topics, including biographies and psychology books and
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  philosophy books, was kind of helping me see patterns in this
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  situation that linked back to other situations with other
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  people. And from that, I was able to
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  quiet my perception and just see things as they were, as this
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  person was. Understanding that no matter how
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  much somebody tries to convince you of something, when you see
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  things clearly, there's not much to say or do after that because
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  you know that your point of view, which is not really a
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  point of view at all, it's just kind of what is, is most likely
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  not going to be shared with the other person.
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  After that situation, I started seeing every situation clearly,
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  including my own, which was refreshing and a little bit off
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  putting, I have to say. Why was it off putting?
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  Because I started realizing what I hadn't seen for so long or
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  ever. People's real reactions,
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  people's real intentions and situations exactly as they are.
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  So what I found after the shift is that I understood people,
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  relationships and situations differently.
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  I was seeing things for what they were instead of what I wish
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  they could be or will never be. And through this I was finding
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  peace and acceptance of what is. But I also realized how much
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  time I had wasted before because now I was finding so much time.
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  I was no longer finding myself getting caught up in other
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  people's situations. I realized that they were too
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  invested in their opinion a hopeful outcome.
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  So instead I was holding space for people or before, so much of
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  my energy and time was being absorbed by situations and
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  relationships that I didn't need to be absorbed in.
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  Any emotions I would have brought to a situation or
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  relationship, they've lessened or gone entirely.
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  The same goes for when I'm hearing my friends or somebody I
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  know talking about something that they want me to get on
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  board with. They want me to rally behind or
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  agree with them on. Whatever energy used to be
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  present has been replaced with clarity and stillness.
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  I wish I had had this perspective when I was first
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  dating. It would have saved me so much
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  overthinking and I wouldn't have pulled my friends into things
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  wondering what's happening, having them try to help me
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  figure out why something is this or that way.
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  It took my shift in understanding for me to release
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  the hold on outcomes, stop investing so much energy and
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  things, things that I don't know and can't control.
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  I guess it was that that helped me get out of being so caught up
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  in something. I don't invest my time like I
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  used to. And the overthinking, it's gone.
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  In the past when I felt like I was in it, I was aware of it
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  just enough to know that this was going to pass, but that I
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  was going to be fully indulgent at the time because that's what
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  I was used to. When we become so accustomed to
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  things, we just say yes, even when they're not the best for
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  us. I used to joke with my friends
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  and say I feel like I have a teenager and a grandma that live
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  inside giving me advice. The teenager is egging me on,
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  telling me what to do, even when I know my grandma would
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  disapprove. So now that I'm seeing
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  situations more like a grandma, maybe my teenager moved out.
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  Where there used to be so much energy and drama fueling a
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  situation, now it's just calm awareness.
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  But maybe a lot of people are like this.
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  Maybe they've never had that internal struggle where they got
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  caught up in something, a perspective, a situation, a
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  relationship. They just always saw things as
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  they were, as they are, and they let things happen.
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  I had a friend that used to say wait and see.
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  No matter what I would say to her, that was her response.
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  Just wait and see. And when I think of that
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  response, I don't think that she could be carrying that much
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  emotion to have that perspective because most people that are in
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  it, they want answers or maybe they want to take action some
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  way so that they can control a situation or an outcome.
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  And in that statement, wait and see.
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  It's nudging us to release the hold.
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  Let things be as they are. And when I found a way out, I
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  found that everything became calm.
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  Where there was drama, now there's peace.
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  Where there was long conversations about something I
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  couldn't change for somebody else, or something I wish didn't
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  happen to me that did happen, there's none of that.
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  There's just acceptance of what is.
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  I guess I'm living in the isness of a situation, accepting that
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  if this person doesn't call, it's because they don't want to
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  talk. If this guy doesn't like you,
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  it's because he doesn't see you as a potential partner.
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  If you didn't get a call back for a part, there's no need to
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  think that there's something wrong with you, something that
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  you need to change. Instead, it's about accepting
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  that you weren't right for what they were looking for right now.
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  Maybe when you take the emotions out and the hopes, the wishes,
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  maybe all you're left with is clarity.
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  This may sound like an oversimplification.
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  Just stop dreaming, hoping, wishing and having emotions.
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  Like it's that easy. But when I just saw things for
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  what they were, actually things just became clear.
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  Maybe the reason why now I can leave emotions out of things,
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  it's because I've learned so much about different types of
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  people and situations and I realized that I don't know
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  always what's going on. I don't have all the facts
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  whether I know that or not. So I shouldn't begin to assume
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  or take things personally. Over the last few years I've
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  learned about sociopaths and narcissists.
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  I've learned about people that can fall in love with chachi PT
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  and value that relationship more than any other.
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  I've met so many new people and said goodbye to so many others
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  that I guess seeing things clearly must be a byproduct of
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  this understanding that change happens.
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  Situations are just that situational.
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  They are fleeting moments and over investing in time,
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  feelings, emotions and energy. The return isn't greater than
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  the investment. We don't have to make things so
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  complicated. We choose to be in it.
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  We choose to let our emotions drive instead of taking a beat.
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  We choose to invest our time in something.
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  It's us that makes the decision to get caught up in something,
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  in whatever it is that we want to invest in.
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  Whatever matters to us at that moment.
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  And for some of us, we want so badly for things to be
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  different. We want so badly for people to
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  change. We want, we want, we want.
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  But all that wanting is a lot of energy spent.
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  And the outcome is generally nada.
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  Because no matter how much 1 ruminates, worries, hopes, or
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  gets confused about how a situation could turn out that
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  way, everything is still just going to play out the way it's
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  going to play out. And all this consideration and
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  overthinking and over wishing and wanting isn't going to pay
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  out unless you have full control over a situation and its
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  outcome. Sometimes you just have to
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  release things, release the hold and accept.
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  Accept your role in things. Accept what you can change and
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  what you can't and allow people to be who they are or situations
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  to be what they are. And I think once you see things
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  this clearly, at least for me, you can't Unsee it.
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  So if you find yourself in it, just remember you have a choice
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  and you can find your way out. Thanks for listening.
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  These episodes are unscripted. They're my free flowing thoughts
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  as I reflect back on past conversations, experiences, what
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  I've learned, would like to do better, and what's next.
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  Join me on Thursdays for new episodes and catch up on past
• 12:59
  episodes. Click Follow, Like and subscribe
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  and let's see where this leads.