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How to Recover from Break Up Trauma · RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Today's episode is produced by my friends at Walk West.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: If you're looking to grow your brand and generate leads through podcast or video production, head over to walkwest.com.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, let's start the show.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: From emotional intelligence through cognitive distortions, certified life and wellness coach Comedy Wood is on a mission to help people see the magnificence of their own unique human spirit.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Through these small bites of self-visualization and self-confidence, you can have healthy relationships, success in business and career, and live the life you want to live.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_01: Hi everyone, and welcome to another episode of Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_01: Before we jump into today's topic, I just want to take a minute to say thank you.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much, whether it be morning, afternoon, or evening, when you're tuning in.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_01: Just thank you for taking some time out of your day to spend with me.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_01: And today I wanted to actually jump into a little bit of a an icky topic.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_01: It's the topic of uh uh breakup trauma and how we could work on recovering from breakup trauma.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_01: But when we think about it, breakups unfortunately they're a part of life.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_01: They're part of um, you know, growing up, so to speak, in this, you know, raising a houseful of children.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_01: As most of you know, I am the mom to five, and I've definitely um had I've seen and witnessed the breakup trauma that can happen uh during those teen years, especially.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but almost everyone's been been dumped by or broken up by somebody when they were still in love with them.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_01: And the fact is that breakups, while they're commonplace in human relationships, they are still very painful.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_01: You know, when we're still in love with somebody and it doesn't work out, that can be a really painful process to get over that.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_01: You know, we tangle our dreams, our feelings, goals, and plans, and some of those expectations and and visualizations that we've created with that other person for uh an extended period of time, and we have our own um ideas of how it will unfold, and when it doesn't work out, you know, and and we we've we've given ourselves permission to be vulnerable and we open up and we put ourselves out there, and then it doesn't work out, um, that loss can be tremendous.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_01: And the loss can really sometimes send some of us into a spiral.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it's about how do we how do we process the breakup when, you know, a lot of times for people the breakup almost leads to this loss of your own self-concept or your own identity, especially when it's a long-term relationship.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and so it can it can impair your your self-esteem or your self-worth or just changing how you see yourself.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_01: And so when we think about it, we shouldn't just poo-poo breakups, we should really just slow down and and take the time that it it requires to recover from them.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you know, research suggests that the ending of of a romantic relationship does um activate the similar biochemical reactions that happen when the brain were to go through withdrawal.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_01: Because love boosts that level of the happiness hormone.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_01: And then, of course, after a breakup, the brain loses that and it cuts off that regular supply of those neurotransmitters, uh, which can cause that neurological withdrawal and making us just feel really lonely and sometimes depressed or very sad.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_01: So, again, if we don't find a way, a healthy way to deal with it and to grow through, and I'm very, I'm being very um deliberate with that, grow through the heartache.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_01: Um it's about it's not about you know just turning off the heartache, it's about how do we grow through it so we can continue to evolve.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but if we don't take the time to do that, and we just want to so like for some people, they'll just jump into the next relationship, and the patterns will repeat itself because if we haven't taken the time to fully heal from the breakup, fully understand maybe what how we were showing up or what the situation was in order to grow through it, you know, a lot of times we'll end up repeating the same, the same um issues later on.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_01: And breakups, like I mentioned before, can can truly cause that um the lack of self-self-esteem or self-worth.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_01: So it's really important to take take time to heal.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_01: So, what are some powerful ways to repair yourself after breakup?
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_01: Number one is to think about con uh using the no contact rule.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_01: Um, a lot of relationships experts will will say and do believe that staying in touch post-breakup uh prevent you from healing and moving on.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_01: It doesn't mean that eventually maybe you don't have some contact with that person, but just allowing yourself some space, some space from that person.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_01: So while it may be tough to resist the temptation to contact your ex, the no contact rule does allow for that space for you to reflect on your feelings, maybe to set some new boundaries, to reflect on your own self-esteem.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_01: And like I said, eventually maybe you can have that intention to get back in touch with them and to be on friendly terms.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_01: But when you're first recovering from the trauma of the breakup, it may be best to just give yourself that space.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_01: Another is journaling.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_01: I talk about this all the time.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_01: Journaling really has so many purposes, but being able to journal about the experience, acknowledge the emotions that you're having, acknowledge the feelings, and it gives you space to release them.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_01: You know, a lot of times if we don't write it out or we don't process through what we're going through, it just keeps circulating.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_01: It's like that rotating, um, spiraling, it's uh uh it just keeps coming whipping back around.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_01: So writing your feelings down is an excellent way to just release the thoughts.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_01: It uh allows space to um release them so that you don't continually beat yourself up about them.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_01: Um and we don't, you know, those thoughts don't keep spinning around, leaving you feeling like you're unlovable or alone.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_01: It just gives you space to process through what's coming up.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_01: Another is really to just slow it down and take good care of yourself.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_01: So although there'll be days when you may not um really want to face the world, making that cons that conscious effort to go ahead and and take care of yourself and get up and you know do your self-care and you know uh engage in your everyday, that that puts so much towards just making sure that you maintain your own sense of self, your own sense of self-worth, uh, making sure that you're getting enough sleep, you know, getting on and not staying up late at night and and and having those sleepless nights, really paying attention to your sleep patterns and making sure you're getting enough sleep, possibly adding in a meditation or a mindfulness practice, uh, adding in a gratitude practice.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I'll often ask, like, what is the one right thing here?
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_01: So even when you're feeling all of this sadness or just loneliness after a breakup, you know, asking yourself, what's the one right thing that's happening?
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_01: You know, having that gratitude practice will be really helpful because it allows you to see what you also do have going well in your life.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_01: Making sure that you're you have that physical activity, you know, an exercise routine or something that keeps you occupied as well as keeps you energized and moving.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_01: And honestly, you know, physical activity, if you end up joining like an exercise group or something like that, it's a great way to continue to make sure that you're interacting with others.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_01: And just really being self-compassionate and being kind to yourself over judgment uh is a really, really good way to start healing from a breakup because what we want to do is recognize, you know, yes, what may have not gone well in that relationship, what was our part in the dynamic, but then also how can I grow from this and what do I need to forgive myself for once I'm able to recognize what I what I can grow through from this.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_01: And then a couple others, you know, try new things.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_01: The breakup may have um the breakup may put a hold on on your life for a f a little bit, but it's really a good time to get back into things that maybe you've put off because you were in that relationship and you haven't been doing, but they used to be a lot of fun for you.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe getting back into those things or just, you know, a new hobby or something that you've always wanted to try that you didn't do before, think about maybe adding it and bringing some joy and happiness and something that you might be interested in into your everyday because that can also help, again, continue to process through.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_01: We all we know that that joy and happiness breeds more joy and happiness.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_01: So allowing it's not about suppressing the negative or the sad emotions because they're real and they're meant, they're they're telling us what we need, but also when we can bring in joy and happiness, we can also cultivate more of that optimism.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_01: And then, of course, if you really are suffering from a lot of heartache from the breakup, it's it's about seeking the support that you need, whether it be from friends, family, a coach, whomever, making sure that you don't just isolate yourself.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_01: It's really important on your healing journey to for you to honor what your needs are and to make sure that you're sourcing them.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_01: Like I said, if you want to talk about anything breakup trauma related or if you need support with anything else, at any time, feel free to reach out to me.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_01: And until next time, I'm Comedy Wood.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening to Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: For more information, book a chat with comedy at www.chatwithcomedy.com or visit her website at www.comedywood.com.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: You can also find comedy on Facebook or Instagram.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: Username it's authentic me.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening.