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The Meditation of Communication with Colleen Santini · Authentic Living

• 0:01
  Welcome to authentic living with Roxanne, a place where we have as conversations about
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  things that really matter in our lives.
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  And now here's your host, Roxanne Derhodge.
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  Hi, Juan.
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  It's Roxanne Derhodge.
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  How are you today?
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  Thanks again for tuning in to Authentic Living with Roxanne.
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  Today we have a topic that I think all of us, in the world, need to know a lot more about
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  And, I have an amazing, friend and, colleague, Colleen Santini here with me.
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  Colleen has, I'm gonna say she's, I don't know if there's a word for a lady Yogi, but she's
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  the one of the I spent I was fortunate to spend, weekend with her and some amazing
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  ladies, and she just kinda sprinkle some fairy dust on us and we were doing things.
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  We weren't sure what was happening there.
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  So, uh-uh, calling.
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  Thank you for coming in today to spend some time with us.
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  It is such a pleasure to be here, Roxanne, and it thank you so much for inviting me.
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  I'm I'm I'm it it's a pleasure.
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  It's it's my pleasure.
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  And we did have a wonderful weekend together, and everybody was doing some yoga postures that
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  they didn't know whether they could do, but they were really amazing.
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  And with all of us, we brought our personalities to it, didn't we?
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  And there was a lot of giggling, a lot of giggling, and cracking and, you know, beautiful
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  women in her fifties mostly and above kinda doing our thing, but it was it was amazing.
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  So let's let's talk a little bit about, your path, and and, you have been in yoga for a very
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  long time.
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  So tell us a little bit about your story and we'll then we're gonna get into, what
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  meditation is and what it's not and how it impacts communication.
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  So tell us a little bit about you calling.
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  Well, I started doing yoga in 1971.
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  I I I was an actress And somebody brought me through some, some, how do you, how do you get
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  more aware of your instrument as an actor?
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  Because your instrument is, of course, your body, your voice, yourself.
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  And yoga is the basis of all of all of the, yeah, all of the exercises that I did as a as
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  an actress to get more in tune with myself and then yoga kinda took over my life.
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  I I always feel like, I always feel like Yoga took me.
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  I don't feel like I pursued it.
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  I feel like it took me.
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  And, What happened was that I became so interested in the, in the stretching.
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  I just started doing it every day.
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  And I did that for years.
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  I did probably 45 minutes to an hour of yoga every day for years.
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  And then after 12 years, I had, I had an experience that I, I didn't know what it was at
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  the time.
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  I just went, this is more real and touching me more deeply than anything I've had before.
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  And I, I, I found out later that what I had was an enlightenment experience.
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  I was trying to describe it from the content of my experience, but the content was less
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  important than the actual, the actual touching of of a deeper, a deeper nature, a deeper
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  reality, And it, it shifted my perspective for my whole life.
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  I got interested in what that was and, and how can I How, how could I find out more about it?
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  And it, it took me a few years, but then I bumped into this, retreat that was based in
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  communication.
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  Now this is this was unusual because a lot of meditation is silent.
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  It's solo.
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  And it's still.
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  And this meditation was dynamic.
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  It and it wasn't silent.
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  It was it was based in communication.
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  And the people who had originated it in 1969 in the desert in California, you know, a bunch of
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  hippies.
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  Not really.
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  But
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  Everything.
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  Everything.
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  It seems like everything enlighten comes from the west.
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  And then we catch up on the other side.
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  Right?
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  That's right.
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  Well, this man had actually visited India and gotten interested in in, in enlightenment.
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  And he took a process that he was using for for therapy, for therapeutic purposes.
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  And he, he saw that people, he, he saw that people Some people progressed in therapy, and
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  some people didn't.
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  And he studied what's the difference?
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  And the difference was the people who progressed in therapy knew who they were.
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  And the people, and and it's like when you know who you are, you have a touchstone to begin
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  from and things progress from there.
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  But if you don't know who you are, every time you go to therapy, you're starting from
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  scratch.
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  Instead of starting from who you are and the progress that you make each moment.
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  And so he he It's like his heart went out to these people.
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  He thought, how can I, how can people have more enlightenment?
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  And he took this diad process of communication that is specifically designed to clear our, so
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  our main barriers come often from our own minds.
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  And the barriers to not only enlightenment, not only meditation, but All the things that happen
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  in our lives, our own sabotaging, it comes from our own preconceived ideas, our own our own
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  problems.
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  And so this process, it naturally de identifies you from the things that are not true.
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  And it it's not an easy process, but it is a fast process.
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  So let's let's back up a little bit because I think let's let's assume that people listening
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  They may have a concept of what meditation is, you know, about yoga.
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  Let's just back up a bit more.
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  So when you made a point that you said, you know, the mind stares us but the body pulls a
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  lot of things including mostly emotions.
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  So that's what happens when you meditate?
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  Like, you know, what are some of the basic things?
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  So let's say if you've never tried it or you're an experience mediator, what are some how would
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  you describe that to someone that maybe hasn't tried it?
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  Well, I think of meditation as being as listening to to what is rather than what how we
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  want things to be.
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  It's like getting in touch with, it's allowing things to be the way they are, but also letting
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  yourself Stop trying to make things be a certain way and just noticing how they are.
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  To me, that's meditation.
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  Being with what is.
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  Is, is a meditation.
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  And you can you can be real.
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  And you can be real in your life, but that doesn't mean that you're meditating.
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  It's a it's an act.
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  It's a muscle.
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  Meditation is a muscle.
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  But it is an act of of getting into, letting things be the way they are.
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  Almost like almost like the objective mind then.
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  Right?
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  Because I often say we all have that pink few of how we perceive things in our lives or
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  values or beliefs or assumptions based on a lot of things in your lives.
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  So what you're saying is with meditation, it allows you to just be still enough to listen to
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  the objective mind objective space, I should say, of what is.
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  Yes.
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  I I I would agree with you except that I I would take out the mind.
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  Yes.
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  Of course.
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  And I just I just retracted that, as I said, it was loud.
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  Right?
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  So in a way and, you know, clinically, what we often say is, the term that we use, a
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  psychologist is that you become the watcher So it's almost like your back, you're backing off,
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  versus being reactive.
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  So when something happens that people get triggered, everything comes right here and they
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  can barely see anything else.
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  And then eventually as they're able to kind of distance the to the emotional reactivity,
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  they're able to watch what's happening versus being kinda in the street there.
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  It's a kind of character.
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  So it sounds like it's the same same kind of concept, but with meditation, what is something
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  that you said that I found very fascinating calling in is that you go back to who you know
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  you are, but I I would say as, you know, someone that's been in practice for a lot, a
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  lot of people don't know who they are.
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  I know.
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  And they have problems.
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  And the the diad the diad meditation, the the retreats that I give are designed for you to
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  know who you are.
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  They're designed for that kind of meditation and that kind of enlightenment And, and, and
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  that gives you a lot of, it helps you with your fulfillment.
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  How can you be fulfilled if you don't know who you are?
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  How can you be fulfilled, how can how can you be happy if you don't know what you want?
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  How can you, move forward when you don't know what your purpose is?
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  And all of these things stem from knowing who you are.
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  And sometimes I I went to a I went to a a retreat.
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  It was my 1st 2 week retreat.
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  And I went through this process of feeling like It's like I'd have this really true feeling,
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  and I'd go to communicate it.
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  And as the minute it came out of my mouth, It felt like a lie.
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  And this went on for it went on for 2 to 3 days.
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  It was driving me nuts.
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  And I finally realized that what was going on was I was speaking the idea of myself rather
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  than actually who I was.
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  And the idea, like, we have ideas about who we are, and sometimes those ideas are correct.
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  In my case, The ideas were all correct, but they weren't who I was.
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  They were the idea, which is like trying to take a bite out of an apple.
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  That's only a picture of an apple.
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  That's a that's that's a that's a good visual.
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  So let's you know, I experienced this Diaad with, calling you when I was away with her for
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  that weekend.
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  Goodness.
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  It's probably close to 6, 7 weeks now, and something happened, and she's she's so right.
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  Because, you know, and Colin can probably explain the process with to you a little bit
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  more.
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  But what we had to do is we really just had to listen you know, and if you think about the
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  rapidity of the world that we live in in this, digital, completely technical, technologically
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  connected world, most people are harried.
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  They're they're stressed.
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  They're burnout.
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  They're not really.
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  They might be doing a bit of, say, meditation here or there or mindful walking, but people
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  aren't taking the time to really, really slow down, Colleen.
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  Is that what you're finding with Most of the people that you're working with or the
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  companies that you work with when you go in to train or deal with, intentional culture, then
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  that's what calling does.
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  Is that what what you find?
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  Well,
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  what I find is that people have an idea of what the problem is.
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  And then as we get into dealing with the barriers that are, are there?
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  Like a problem what a problem is is a goal with a barrier that you can't get through.
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  And so you Sometimes what you need to do is put your attention on the barrier.
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  And when you put your attention on the barrier, you clear the barrier, but then another another
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  thing will come up and a different problem will surface.
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  And so what what happens is people find that they're answering questions they didn't know
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  that they had and and that they it's like they get surprised by by the, the, the evolution
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  that's possible.
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  The evolution of business, the, the evolution of self, and they end up having a much richer
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  experience because they're open to to the new, the new that is coming.
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  The new that is coming from the from putting their attention on the reality.
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  So it's almost like I see I see those levels.
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  Right?
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  It's, you know, I know when I And I am by no you know, I meditate, Colleen.
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  I am not an expert, but I'm constantly try you know, and if I haven't meditated for a couple
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  of days and I go back, I feel like I'm I'm on the 401 and lots of cars are coming at me at,
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  vicious rates.
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  Right?
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  It's like one thing's coming after me after another.
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  And, what happens is that all of a sudden, when I get in in rhythm, it takes me quite a while.
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  Oftentimes, to to be able to get back where I need to.
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  Slowing down is slowing down.
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  It's difficult to let go.
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  Of our agendas.
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  One of the things that I do on my retreats is I create, I create a space where people can let
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  go of their lives.
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  And so you it's like being able to just put your attention on yourself We, we don't, we
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  don't make space for that.
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  We're, we're busy.
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  We're busy trying to make our lives work.
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  There's a lot of things a lot there's a lot of things to be taken care of.
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  And we're not only taking care of ourselves.
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  We're taking care of the people around us and the and our families.
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  And so it it's very difficult sometimes to even know what we want.
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  Let alone put our attention on it.
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  And so having a sacred space And you can create this sacred space for yourself, but you, you
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  really have to leave the, all the things outside that door or outside that window of
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  time and just allow yourself to sink into who you are and put your attention there and let it
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  stay there.
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  And for some people that's difficult, you know, there's different kinds of meditation.
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  Some people do really well on their own.
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  And some people do better when they're in conversation with people.
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  Some people do better when they're physically active.
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  Some people do better when they're on a walk in nature.
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  And just knowing what works for you and giving yourself the opportunity to do that thing.
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  So if, if you need to be running to get into a state of of, meditation, then you should be
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  active.
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  If you need to be sitting quietly, in your home in a in a space that's sacred, then you need to
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  be doing that.
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  When I give my meditations, people are put through they're they're given a schedule that
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  takes care of all of those things so that you're doing all these different kinds of
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  meditation So that something is going to land with you.
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  So let's talk about some of the basics about I'd like to start a practice I I love the fact
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  that you say set up a space.
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  I have a bit of a space that I use periodically, but it's not like a sacred space,
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  but I like It's almost like you're a bit a bit of a cocooning cocooning kind of concept.
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  What other things should people consider?
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  You said trying different types.
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  I like because I know I've tried some types and some days.
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  I can be quiet calling, and other days, I have to go for a walk.
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  Right?
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  And then I'm like, Okay.
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  Well, how come that happened this day?
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  And this day, it's not happening, but of course, I'm shifting.
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  So now I kinda know if I try and I can't sit still, maybe I'll do something in movement.
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  So people should just try different forms.
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  How is it you know, I and I often hear this complaint, and I'm sure you hear it all the
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  time being, someone that does this with clients.
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  People say to me, I've tried this thing called meditation, and it sucks.
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  I I talked to myself and I think what am I what sandwich am I gonna have right after I'm done?
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  Or I didn't pick up the eggs or oh my goodness.
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  Johnny has tea ball and he doesn't have his shirts.
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  So what what is it that people can expect if they've not done it before or even people that
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  are further along about, like you said, it's a muscle.
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  So how is it that we're no we're progressing in the right way.
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  If you're trying to meditate, then you are meditating.
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  First of all.
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  Okay.
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  So it it's like it's like just understand that that sometimes the mind is very active.
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  And, it's like I liken it to a dog barking down the street.
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  So if, if your mind is the dog that's barking, You can just notice that the dog is barking,
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  and you can you carry on.
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  It's like, what do you do with the dog that's barking down the street.
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  You don't have any control over it.
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  And so sometimes that's the way it is with the mind.
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  And and just notice that that maybe you're doing a meditation of of your to do list.
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  It's not a bad thing to do a meditation of your to do list, even consciously.
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  I mean, you can do the medicine.
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  I haven't thought about that.
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  That's a that's a new one, Colleen.
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  I gotta have to try.
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  It's not a bad thing in the morning to do the morning or the night before.
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  To do a meditation of what's coming up in that day.
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  And then it's like the mind the mind grabs onto anything that's not finished in its
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  communication cycle.
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  So the mind will will go over and over and over again.
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  These things that are in unfinished.
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  So if that's, you know, if that's a cluttered basement, maybe, or sometimes the cluttered
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  basement is out of mind out of sight, but it's not out of sight out of mind.
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  I did that backwards.
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  But, the mind the mind does not like incomplete cycles.
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  And, you know, the movie industry and these books that have cliffing hangers they make
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  1,000,000 of dollars on the fact that our minds will not let it go.
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  Yeah.
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  Because we wait.
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  We wait till we the next sequel comes out, whether it's 6 months or a year or whatever,
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  and they gain energy because we're all we're all in that state.
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  So that's that's a good point.
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  So we I often say it's, you know, we're always beginning when we look at things that kind of
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  are free floating, there's not a beginning of middle and end.
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  And as human beings, we're constantly trying to put that context of things.
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  We're trying to put the structure in and oftentimes things don't happen like that.
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  So cliff hangers would kinda fit that because you're kinda in the middle.
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  Right?
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  You're waiting for the end.
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  Now, let's talk a little bit further about with communication, right, and doing a practice
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  obviously, we know that all of us have to try to quite that quieter mind in whatever way.
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  And like I said, if it's movement, if it's walking, if it's running, if it's sitting in
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  silence, if it's praying, lots of different ways that you can figure it out.
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  Now, when you work with corporations, how do you kind of You know, and let's put it bluntly.
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  Sometimes corporations think of meditation is being woo woo and how does that, you know, I
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  don't know if we have the time to stop to meditate and all this.
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  How do you approach people with the benefit of some of the things that you're talking about?
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  Are you asking me what the benefits are?
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  Is that what you're
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  telling me?
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  Yeah.
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  Like, if a if a if a leadership team comes to you and they're kind of thinking about it, but
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  I think a lot of Sometimes it depends.
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  People that know the benefit, know the benefit.
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  Some people kinda know maybe they need to do something, but they're not sure what to do.
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  Like, What are some of the benefits that people that are listening that are maybe in leadership
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  positions should consider about meditation and implementing some of the things we're talking
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  about?
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  Well, if we're talking about meditation as being in touch with what is.
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  In terms of business, And just in terms of, of life in general, something that you resist
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  persists.
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  And so in business, if you're trying to shift something.
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  If you want to see a change, you can't change anything until you actually are in touch with
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  the way it is.
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  And so that's why that's why businesses have metrics.
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  They're they're wanting to look at what is.
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  And so the practice of meditation is coming into into harmony with the way things are.
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  And and So if you think of that systemically, you want your you you want you do the metric to
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  know where you are as a business, but you want your people to be aware of the facts of the
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  business, but also the facts of themselves.
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  The facts of themselves intergend in relation to what the business is.
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  Ideally, everybody in the business, everybody that that the team of the business is, in
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  harmony with what the business is trying to do.
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  And they need to be, and so being in harmony with themselves allows them to be, to be
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  actively by choice in harmony with the business direction.
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  But people have to be in harmony with themselves in order for them to choose to be in
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  harmony with what the business wants as well.
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  And, you know, it's like the more that the business takes care of its team and its people,
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  the better off everybody is going to be because a happy team is going to be way more productive
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  than a team that is oppressed or, or pressured into doing something that they're not fully on
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  board with.
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  You want your team to be on board.
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  Right.
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  And, in my new book, I talk a lot about that.
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  Right?
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  If you focus, you know, the on the ROR, which is a return on relationship, and of which, you
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  know, communication and and meditation is such a big part of it, then you're allowing people
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  to connect with their values and how their their vision of what they bring to the table to
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  the overall strategic objectives, how do they fit?
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  Because oftentimes, with kind of traditional leadership.
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  It's kinda top down.
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  And what I'm hearing is this is like this is like a top and down meeting.
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  In concert to create what is in the best, interests of not just the individual, but
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  obviously the overall business at hand.
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  And once you have shared values and vision together, what's not possible.
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  Exactly.
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  I I love how you're phrasing that.
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  I think I think it's it's really really well put.
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  I also it it's like I've given retreats where we the retreats are they're for a specific
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  period of time.
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  And if you create a a a good culture, on the 1st night and get everybody's buy in.
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  The buy in is actually important.
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  Having everybody buy in then the, the retreat, everybody's on the same page.
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  Everybody's working towards the same thing.
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  They're working, and they're working for it, not only for themselves, but for each other.
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  And so they're they, they really become a team.
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  And it's it's gorgeous.
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  It's it's like, it's delicious to be involved with with teamwork when it's, when it's working
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  so beautifully together.
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  So that creation of that, I've seen it Like, I've given, I've given hundreds of these
• 24:54
  retreats.
• 24:55
  And so I've seen it when people are fighting with the structure and, and the, and the
• 25:00
  culture And I've seen it when people are on board, and it's so much better when people are
• 25:06
  on board.
• 25:06
  You're not being distracted by by, the drama of people fighting with the structure.
• 25:17
  You have people instead the structure is there to support everybody and everybody moves
• 25:23
  forward.
• 25:23
  And so that's the importance of creating intentional culture.
• 25:28
  And which
• 25:29
  I which I love.
• 25:30
  Right?
• 25:30
  Because I think when I think about that, Colleen, all the stuff that needs to bubble up
• 25:35
  will bubble up like to your point If I don't know who I am and I'm part of a team and I'm
• 25:40
  disgruntled or I have issues within the team or I'm having issues with my supervisor or or
• 25:45
  manager, And I'm just stifling to go along.
• 25:48
  At some point, it's the process allows the space for it to come up to get dealt with.
• 25:53
  Instead of, oh, I'm, you know, I'm down the line already at, you know, I'm almost at the
• 25:58
  endpoint and then also see it and you see all these little explosions happening, missed
• 26:04
  deadlines or conflicts or, you know, so and so is not pulling their weight and all that stuff
• 26:09
  that slows the entire process.
• 26:11
  So it sounds like it's it's very holistic and you're looking at every parts.
• 26:16
  Every part of the of the spoke and the wheel and the entire hub
• 26:20
  Absolutely.
• 26:20
  And you don't wanna lose your good people.
• 26:23
  Because if you lose your good people, because of of not being able to deal with the issues
• 26:29
  that come up, then you have to hire somebody new, and that that training is expensive.
• 26:35
  That it's a very expensive process.
• 26:38
  You wanna keep the people that you have, and you want them to be happy, and you want them on
• 26:42
  board.
• 26:43
  Your you want them on board.
• 26:46
  The whole process of what what the business is about.
• 26:51
  So for for people listening that, especially leaders, right?
• 26:57
  If you can kind of and I I know it's hard to encapsulate in a couple of sentences or even
• 27:02
  one sentence, What is the importance of people implementing, the type of community, diet,
• 27:09
  communication, or, meditation in the workplace?
• 27:18
  I think the the biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has
• 27:25
  happened.
• 27:26
  And so
• 27:29
  I like that.
• 27:29
  So the in in the past tense, so the illusion that it has happened.
• 27:34
  Correct.
• 27:35
  So what that means is we're going it's like if we're under the illusion that communication has
• 27:41
  happened when it has not, then we have a different idea in our mind than the other
• 27:48
  person or the other people.
• 27:50
  And what DIAD communication does is it makes it clear when communication has occurred and when
• 27:57
  it hasn't.
• 27:59
  And everybody is responsible for that, not just one person.
• 28:03
  Everybody is responsible for complete communication cycles.
• 28:07
  A communication cycle between two people is not complete until both people think it is.
• 28:15
  If one person thinks it's complete and the other doesn't, it isn't complete.
• 28:20
  And there's no fault.
• 28:22
  There's there's no fault to an incomplete cycle.
• 28:25
  It just means it's not complete yet.
• 28:29
  It's not
• 28:30
  I like that because Oh my goodness calling.
• 28:33
  Most of us will walk around with incomplete cycles.
• 28:37
  Yes.
• 28:37
  Off often.
• 28:40
  Yes.
• 28:41
  But it it may be that you're you're in com it's incomplete at home or it's incomplete with a
• 28:45
  colleague or it's incomplete with a friend.
• 28:47
  So I like that that it's It's got buy in with both parties that says, I'm not done yet.
• 28:55
  I like that because and I know I experienced that, like I said, when spent time with
• 28:59
  calling.
• 28:59
  And it was it was actually beautiful.
• 29:01
  And of course, you had, you know, 809 enlightened women entrepreneurs, and all of us
• 29:09
  were like, wow.
• 29:10
  What did she did she like spray something in the air or something?
• 29:15
  We all went went into that state, you know, where we were just completely focused in front
• 29:20
  of the person, that was with us.
• 29:22
  So, Colleen, tell us, you know, you have some amazing things going on, and I know you're
• 29:28
  having a you have something coming up.
• 29:30
  So for anybody that's looking to connect with you, or consult or learn about next steps.
• 29:35
  Tell them what's going on and where they can get a hold of you.
• 29:39
  Thank you, Roxanne.
• 29:40
  So I have a a a program of creating intentional culture for businesses.
• 29:47
  This is to make your team more productive and more aligned with each other and to make them
• 29:53
  happier and more fulfilled.
• 29:55
  It also makes your business work better, which is, a great perk.
• 30:01
  So you can contact me for that at, colleen Santini@gmail.com, or my business
• 30:10
  soletechtransformation@gmail.com.
• 30:13
  I also have a website, which is soltech.ca, And I also have, on a personal note, I have an in
• 30:22
  person retreat coming up September 2nd, and it you can come for 4 days or for 8.
• 30:29
  And we will be doing the diad meditation along with 5 or 6 other types of meditation daily.
• 30:37
  And it is residential, and it's happening in a beautiful spot in the Hockley Valley North of
• 30:43
  Toronto, September 2nd, and the same, the same contact information, soultrek transformation.
• 30:52
  So soultrek is soultrek.
• 30:57
  Transformation@gmail.com, or my name, colleen Santini@gmail.com.
• 31:03
  I would love to hear from you.
• 31:05
  Awesome.
• 31:06
  Well, for everybody, we'll have, some of those contact information in the link.
• 31:10
  So what am I walking away with?
• 31:12
  You know, I talk about authentic connection and focusing on, all the aspects of what it takes
• 31:19
  to ultimately connect to yourself.
• 31:22
  And, you know, when you are able to drop down into who you are and become aware, the things
• 31:29
  that calling is talking about becomes naturally.
• 31:32
  But guess what?
• 31:33
  We most of us, I would say, haven't had the skills, and we need to continually develop
• 31:39
  those skills.
• 31:40
  Like she says, to finish the cycle.
• 31:42
  So I'm gonna think about my life and which relationships that I have to go back to or
• 31:47
  conversations that I haven't finished the cycle.
• 31:50
  And challenge myself to to, close those cycles.
• 31:54
  For everyone, if you're wanting to chat with me, as you know, my new book is coming out.
• 31:58
  It will be available on Amazon ROR return on relationships on May 19th.
• 32:03
  I'll have a live podcast interviewing for CEOs.
• 32:06
  I would love if you can come.
• 32:08
  But in the interim, if you'd like to have a chat with me, you can go to chat with Roxanne.
• 32:14
  You can see the tag just below my picture.
• 32:16
  So again, Colleen, thanks so much for your time and for everyone.
• 32:19
  Thanks for tuning in, giving us your precious time, and we look forward again to seeing you
• 32:24
  next week.
• 32:25
  Take care.
• 32:26
  Bye bye, everyone.
• 32:27
  Thanks, Colleen.
• 32:28
  Thank you.
• 32:29
  Such a pleasure.
• 32:31
  Thank you.
• 32:32
  Thanks for tuning in to authentic living with Roxanne, creating the space for positive
• 32:37
  healthy change.
• 32:39
  Roxanne is a keynote speaker, psychotherapist, and coach to work with Roxanne, visit
• 32:45
  roxannedurhaj.com/blueprint.
• 32:49
  We'll see you next time.
• 32:51
  On authentic living with Roxanne.