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You Don't Need More Motivation. Your Standards Are Too Low. · A Life Without Struggle

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Speaker 1: My name is Erin Lindauer, and you're listening to A
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Speaker 1: Life Without Struggle. I'm a wife, a mother of two
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Speaker 1: wonderful children, a two-time best-selling author, and a highly driven
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Speaker 1: and successful entrepreneur. In my 17 plus year career as
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Speaker 1: a mindset and health expert, I know what holds women
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Speaker 1: back from a life you only dream about. Whether you're
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Speaker 1: a CEO, a businesswoman or executive, I started this podcast
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Speaker 1: because I have been where you are and I know
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Speaker 1: you want and deserve more out of your life. I
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Speaker 1: believe women are limitless. We just get lost along the way.
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Speaker 1: The process to get you there is the topic and
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Speaker 1: purpose of this podcast. When you understand what you want,
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Speaker 1: you can truly step into a life without struggle. Welcome,
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Speaker 1: and I'm so thankful you're here. Welcome back to another
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Speaker 1: episode of Life Without Struggle. My name is Erin Lindauer,
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Speaker 1: and today's topic's gonna hit, okay? You don't need more motivation.
1:10
Speaker 1: Your standards are too darn low. So I want to
1:15
Speaker 1: talk about something today that might get you a little uncomfortable.
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Speaker 1: But you guys are telling me that these things are
1:22
Speaker 1: hitting home. And so today I want to get it
1:25
Speaker 1: right to you. So I hear women say all the time,
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Speaker 1: I just need more motivation. Erin, I just got to
1:31
Speaker 1: get motivated. I know what to do. I just need
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Speaker 1: to do it. That's another really interesting one that I
1:38
Speaker 1: hear women say, because do you know what to do? Okay.
1:43
Speaker 1: I need to get my head back in the game.
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Speaker 1: I hear that one often, you know, my head's all,
1:49
Speaker 1: all over the place. Another one I hear is I
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Speaker 1: just need to get more disciplined. And I actually don't
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Speaker 1: think motivation is your problem. I think some areas of
2:03
Speaker 1: your life, your standards have gotten way too low. Okay.
2:08
Speaker 1: And this is challenging because we are a product of
2:14
Speaker 1: our environment, okay? And if you're looking around the room
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Speaker 1: and no one else is taking care of themselves, it's
2:22
Speaker 1: kind of hard, okay? So you don't have to feel
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Speaker 1: motivated to do something you've decided is just a standard.
2:32
Speaker 1: This is just who I am. So let's think about
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Speaker 1: this a little bit differently. Let's think about your career.
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Speaker 1: Do you only show up to an important meeting when
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Speaker 1: you're motivated, okay? No, your boss calls a meeting. You're
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Speaker 1: that the meeting. Okay. Do you only take care of
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Speaker 1: your kids when you feel inspired? So these are words
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Speaker 1: that people tell me on a daily basis. So I
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Speaker 1: hope you guys can like feel me. Do you only
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Speaker 1: pay your mortgage when you're in the right headspace? No. Okay. Okay.
3:09
Speaker 1: Because those things are not optional based on how you
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Speaker 1: feel today, but you've decided that this is just simply
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Speaker 1: what I do, okay? But when it comes to taking
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Speaker 1: care of you, suddenly everything becomes negotiable. And that's what
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Speaker 1: I want to challenge today. So let's talk about something
3:31
Speaker 1: a little bit deeper. Goals versus your standards. So there
3:35
Speaker 1: is a huge difference between a goal and a standard.
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Speaker 1: So a goal could be, cool, I wanna lose 20 pounds.
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Speaker 1: A standard is, I'm just a woman who takes care
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Speaker 1: of my body. A goal could be, hey, I wanna
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Speaker 1: sleep better. A standard could be, I don't consistently sacrifice
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Speaker 1: my sleep for useless, mindless television that doesn't really matter.
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Speaker 1: A goal says, hey, I wanna get stronger A standard says, Hey,
4:05
Speaker 1: strength is just part of my life. Like strength training
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Speaker 1: is just something I do Monday, Wednesday, Friday. Okay. A
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Speaker 1: goal is, Hey, I want to have a better marriage.
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Speaker 1: A standard says, I don't give everyone else the best
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Speaker 1: part of me and give my husband what's left. Okay.
4:25
Speaker 1: Figure out how to make it all work together. Goals
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Speaker 1: are things you're just trying to achieve, but a standard
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Speaker 1: is truly gonna determine how you're willing to live and
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Speaker 1: whether or not it's going to stick. Because I cannot
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Speaker 1: tell you, being in this industry over 20 years now,
4:43
Speaker 1: and how many times I see people just do this
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Speaker 1: inevitable loop. They'll get their you-know-what together, we're doing great,
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Speaker 1: and then all of a sudden we're back in a
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Speaker 1: bad headspace and we've started all over again. Okay, so...
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Speaker 1: This is something I want you to remember is your
5:03
Speaker 1: life isn't built around what you say you want. It's
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Speaker 1: built around what you're willing to tolerate. So I want
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Speaker 1: you to look at your current life, your health, your body,
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Speaker 1: your marriage, career, stress, boundaries, environment, and the relationship you
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Speaker 1: have with yourself. Some of what you are actually experiencing
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Speaker 1: isn't necessarily what you choose, okay? But what have you
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Speaker 1: continued to tolerate, even though you know it needs to change?
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Speaker 1: That's where I want you to start looking. And so
5:43
Speaker 1: what's interesting, and I'll share a little bit here, is
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Speaker 1: I get to know a woman pretty intimately. And sometimes
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Speaker 1: personal things come up because it's affecting how we're taking
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Speaker 1: care of ourself. And it's amazing how many couples we'll
6:01
Speaker 1: get into this comfortable space. Okay. They've gotten married. The
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Speaker 1: spice was alive, you know, new in our careers, everything's
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Speaker 1: going great. Right. And then we start having kids and
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Speaker 1: then we start hitting this like kind of middle zone.
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Speaker 1: And all of a sudden you see weight coming on.
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Speaker 1: I mean, I was kind of laughing because Tony's high
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Speaker 1: school is all into their high school reunions and And
6:28
Speaker 1: it was just kind of crazy because like you go
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Speaker 1: back and it's like, oh my gosh, who are all
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Speaker 1: these people? And even myself, I was looking and I
6:35
Speaker 1: was like, man, I don't even recognize people. Okay. And
6:40
Speaker 1: this is what happens is we get really, really comfortable. Okay.
6:45
Speaker 1: And things start to kind of fall by the wayside.
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Speaker 1: And before you know it, you're kind of like, man, who,
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Speaker 1: who's this dude that I married? Now, fair, he can
6:55
Speaker 1: point right back, who's this woman that I married? And
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Speaker 1: this is where I find a lot of people get very,
7:02
Speaker 1: very lost in what they actually want. I know for myself,
7:07
Speaker 1: this was very much something that happened probably about five,
7:11
Speaker 1: six years ago. But what have you continued to tolerate
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Speaker 1: even though you know something needs to change? Now, this
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Speaker 1: isn't to go ruffling everybody's marriages and careers and all
7:26
Speaker 1: this stuff. But what I find really, really interesting is
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Speaker 1: two things. When a woman gets in my program and
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Speaker 1: she gets really smoking hot, she feels really, really good
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Speaker 1: about her body. guess who comes knocking? Her husband, okay?
7:43
Speaker 1: Which we love, right? Because there's nothing cooler than being
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Speaker 1: able to impact the entire unit. And as a byproduct,
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Speaker 1: when mom and dad are good, guess what? The kids
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Speaker 1: are good. When your wife's good, guess what? Your husband's
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Speaker 1: going to follow suit. Now, for some of you ladies
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Speaker 1: out there, oh no, my husband would never blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Listen,
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Speaker 1: there's no man out there that's gonna let his wife
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Speaker 1: get smoking hot without doing something for himself. But another
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Speaker 1: thing that I have happened, and this happens all the time,
8:16
Speaker 1: all the time. I even have women who all of
8:18
Speaker 1: a sudden decide to finally commit and go all in
8:22
Speaker 1: and purchase my program. And all of a sudden they
8:25
Speaker 1: get that career opportunity, all of a sudden an influx
8:29
Speaker 1: in new income. or a promotion that sends new income,
8:34
Speaker 1: or all of a sudden they get really clear on, man,
8:38
Speaker 1: I don't enjoy what I'm doing anymore, and they completely
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Speaker 1: shift gears. So this is called energy, this is called alignment,
8:47
Speaker 1: and this is called when you finally start making decisions,
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Speaker 1: it's amazing how things start showing up, different opportunities start
8:56
Speaker 1: showing up for you. And I know this because I've
8:59
Speaker 1: watched it time and time and time again. But here's
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Speaker 1: where I want to come back to is we may
9:07
Speaker 1: have slowly lowered our bar or our standard of what
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Speaker 1: is important. So I don't want you to think that
9:16
Speaker 1: most women just wake up one morning and say, you
9:19
Speaker 1: know what? I'm going to stop taking care of myself today. No, okay.
9:24
Speaker 1: Nobody would do that. But what happens is you miss
9:27
Speaker 1: a You start staying up till midnight because it's the
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Speaker 1: only quiet time you have. One glass of wine becomes
9:37
Speaker 1: your nightly way of decompressing. And you grab whatever food
9:42
Speaker 1: is convenient because everyone else's schedule is coming first. I
9:47
Speaker 1: can only speak on this because those are literally what
9:51
Speaker 1: I have done. So the second you think I'm over
9:54
Speaker 1: here perfect, I'm not. And even myself, I had to
9:57
Speaker 1: raise my standard. Here's another thing that I see happen
10:01
Speaker 1: is you stop getting dressed up. You stop going on
10:05
Speaker 1: the dates. Stop asking for help. Stop saying no. And
10:12
Speaker 1: you stop doing the things that make you feel like you.
10:17
Speaker 1: You tell yourself this is just a busy season, but
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Speaker 1: six months becomes two years and eventually the exception becomes
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Speaker 1: your new standard, even though it's not what you want.
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Speaker 1: So that's when you look in the mirror and you think,
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Speaker 1: how the hell did I get here? I know I did.
10:37
Speaker 1: So everything I'm speaking on is from a personal experience.
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Speaker 1: I remember distinctly looking in the mirror and I had nothing. Okay.
10:46
Speaker 1: I had absolutely nothing. And all of a sudden I
10:49
Speaker 1: was just like, how did I get here? These are
10:52
Speaker 1: all the things that I prayed for. This is all
10:54
Speaker 1: the stuff that, you know, I was told was, you know,
10:58
Speaker 1: go to college, get the career, you know, get married,
11:02
Speaker 1: have the kids, um, you know, run the business. Like
11:05
Speaker 1: I just, I really thought this was it. You know, we,
11:08
Speaker 1: we had built a custom house and I was so excited,
11:12
Speaker 1: like picked out every little light socket switch, The Christmas
11:16
Speaker 1: lights were going to be perfect because we had all
11:18
Speaker 1: the outlets and strategically in the right spot. We love
11:23
Speaker 1: to decorate, love to decorate for Christmas. And I remember
11:27
Speaker 1: when that house was not safe for us to live in,
11:32
Speaker 1: but we were kind of in a pickle because we
11:34
Speaker 1: had nowhere to go. And so I was like, okay,
11:37
Speaker 1: please don't condemn the house city. And Dear God, please
11:42
Speaker 1: get me through this before this house self implodes. Okay.
11:46
Speaker 1: Full disclosure, the house is still standing. I think the
11:49
Speaker 1: builder still lives in it, but I'm pretty sure he's
11:52
Speaker 1: abandoned it by now. And it was sad, right? Because
11:55
Speaker 1: that's what I had worked my tail off for. I
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Speaker 1: thought this was it. Through all of that struggle, through
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Speaker 1: all of that season, I absolutely let myself go because
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Speaker 1: I was stressed because I had young kids. because I
12:12
Speaker 1: was running a business. But what happened is every single
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Speaker 1: day I negotiated with who I actually was. I stopped
12:24
Speaker 1: doing the workouts. I just would drink to kind of
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Speaker 1: numb the pain. And I just started to slowly decide
12:35
Speaker 1: that these little routines that I was doing was acceptable.
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Speaker 1: But here's the good news. You can rebuild your life
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Speaker 1: with one new standard at a time. So we need
12:54
Speaker 1: to look at your health first. This is absolutely the
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Speaker 1: first place I tell every woman, if you feel that
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Speaker 1: you are a struggle bus, if you're a hot mess express, whatever,
13:05
Speaker 1: the van in front of me had a bumper sticker
13:08
Speaker 1: and I was like, why would you say that? I mean,
13:11
Speaker 1: that's what you are projecting and that's what you think
13:14
Speaker 1: about yourself, which I was like, ooh, I don't know
13:16
Speaker 1: if I would say that. But you tell me you
13:20
Speaker 1: want to change your body, right? But what are your standards?
13:26
Speaker 1: If I followed you for seven days, 14 days, would
13:31
Speaker 1: I know that you're working towards your health? So what
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Speaker 1: are your standards around your sleep? Are you getting five,
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Speaker 1: six hours a night? Did you just decide that that's
13:42
Speaker 1: normal and you're okay? What's your standard around working out?
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Speaker 1: Is it, oh, I'll work out when nothing else gets
13:50
Speaker 1: in my way. My training goes on my calendar because
13:54
Speaker 1: my health matters too. We try that. What's your standard
14:00
Speaker 1: around food? Not perfection. Okay. Okay. The chicken and broccoli
14:05
Speaker 1: seven days a week. There used to be this trainer
14:07
Speaker 1: at a gym that we worked at and he put
14:11
Speaker 1: every single one of his clients on the same diet.
14:14
Speaker 1: It was tuna, oats, and gosh, I forget. There was
14:17
Speaker 1: something else, but it was so disgusting. It smelled so
14:20
Speaker 1: bad because he would literally eat this every single day.
14:23
Speaker 1: And I was like, you are disgusting. And it smelled
14:26
Speaker 1: and it was gross. And I can't, I can still
14:30
Speaker 1: smell that today. but do you consistently eat in a
14:34
Speaker 1: way that's going to support the woman that you're trying
14:37
Speaker 1: to become? Okay. So I want you to have balance. Okay.
14:44
Speaker 1: But some of you guys have lowered the bar so
14:47
Speaker 1: low that it is going to be an overhaul. It
14:50
Speaker 1: is going to be something that we have to consider
14:52
Speaker 1: doing things differently. And here's the thing is don't tell
14:56
Speaker 1: me you want to see things be better, but then
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Speaker 1: you're unwilling to do these things. Okay. So I'm not
15:03
Speaker 1: over here judging. I'm just being honest with you. If
15:06
Speaker 1: you come into my program and I say, Hey girl,
15:09
Speaker 1: you're eating too much. Okay. That is not an easy
15:12
Speaker 1: conversation for me to say. Okay. But you're looking at
15:17
Speaker 1: me saying, Hey, I want these results. This is important
15:21
Speaker 1: to me. And so we're going to have to consider
15:23
Speaker 1: our nutrition done just a little bit differently, but we
15:27
Speaker 1: can't make it a mountain out of molehills, okay? We've
15:30
Speaker 1: got to just take it with a grain of salt.
15:33
Speaker 1: We got to implement it and we have to keep
15:35
Speaker 1: our emotions to the side. So what behavior am I
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Speaker 1: defending that no longer fits the life that I say
15:45
Speaker 1: I want? Because this is where I get a lot
15:48
Speaker 1: of women going, ah, but Erin, but that's restrictive. I can't,
15:55
Speaker 1: all these things. Another one is the like Friday night pizza.
15:59
Speaker 1: Like this is something, again, I don't mean to pick
16:01
Speaker 1: on anybody, but I see patterns, behaviors, and sometimes people
16:07
Speaker 1: like die on a vine that they have to have
16:08
Speaker 1: pizza every Friday. You know what it is? It's Friday.
16:12
Speaker 1: We're tired of making decisions and it's quick and easy
16:15
Speaker 1: and everybody likes it. I got you. Okay. So again,
16:19
Speaker 1: But what if we did it a little bit differently?
16:22
Speaker 1: What if we maybe added a salad with some chicken? Yeah,
16:25
Speaker 1: I know it's going to cost a little bit more money.
16:28
Speaker 1: And yeah, kids are probably not going to eat it.
16:30
Speaker 1: I got you. But what if we considered it done
16:33
Speaker 1: just a little bit differently and raise the standard? So
16:37
Speaker 1: your standard will reveal when life gets hard. So this
16:41
Speaker 1: is something I can intimately talk about because I've been
16:45
Speaker 1: in all seasons. I've been in seasons where I just
16:47
Speaker 1: said to hell with it. and just lost myself. I've
16:52
Speaker 1: been through very stressful seasons and you know what? Still
16:56
Speaker 1: got up, took care of myself, got dressed, had a
16:59
Speaker 1: positive mindset and we move. So anybody can take care
17:05
Speaker 1: of themselves when life is going well. The real question
17:08
Speaker 1: is who are you when life gets messy? When life
17:12
Speaker 1: gets hard, when you got to travel, your kiddo gets sick,
17:15
Speaker 1: your work explodes, you miss a workout, heaven forbid, you
17:20
Speaker 1: go out for Mexican and margaritas, okay? The scale jumps
17:23
Speaker 1: up two pounds. Oh my gosh, freak out. This is
17:27
Speaker 1: where I see women just confuse high standards with perfection.
17:32
Speaker 1: They think, oh, I blew it. So instead of one
17:35
Speaker 1: meal becoming one meal, it becomes Friday through Sunday. And now,
17:40
Speaker 1: I mean, we're just, we're starting all over again. Every
17:43
Speaker 1: single Monday, I catch women in this cycle. It's a
17:45
Speaker 1: vicious cycle. So that standard, I truly want you to raise.
17:53
Speaker 1: So it's not that I never screw up. It's I don't,
17:58
Speaker 1: I don't lose myself every time. whatever, right? We went
18:03
Speaker 1: out to Mexican and margaritas. Who cares? Cool. Yeah. Your
18:06
Speaker 1: skill's going to be up. Own it. Let it go. Okay.
18:10
Speaker 1: But you get right back on. One thing I encourage
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Speaker 1: my clients all the time is how quickly can we recover?
18:16
Speaker 1: How quickly can we get right back on track? Okay.
18:21
Speaker 1: So this, the woman who's really good at the comeback,
18:27
Speaker 1: the one who can get right back on track the
18:30
Speaker 1: next meal, the next workout, the next decision, your mindset, right?
18:35
Speaker 1: No drama. You will see your standard raise. So your
18:40
Speaker 1: standard affects more than just your body. So I want
18:44
Speaker 1: to take this beyond weight loss. So many people come
18:47
Speaker 1: to me for weight loss and Yet they have no
18:49
Speaker 1: idea how much of the mental impact that they will
18:53
Speaker 1: receive by working in my program. And the only reason
18:58
Speaker 1: I can serve and help women in this capacity is
19:00
Speaker 1: because I had to do it for myself. I am
19:03
Speaker 1: a totally different person because of the mental work that
19:07
Speaker 1: I've done. Okay. I was naturally a very pessimistic person,
19:12
Speaker 1: believe it or not. Very, the sky is falling anxiety, right?
19:17
Speaker 1: And it is so freeing to not be in that space,
19:20
Speaker 1: to like, hey, the sun is going to shine every
19:23
Speaker 1: single day. Now, here in Indiana, it's probably not going
19:28
Speaker 1: to shine for a few months. This is why we
19:30
Speaker 1: got to get out of here. But this is where
19:33
Speaker 1: I want you to understand that this is beyond weight loss,
19:37
Speaker 1: because what are your standards in your relationship? What do
19:41
Speaker 1: you tolerate from other people? What do you tolerate from yourself?
19:49
Speaker 1: Are you constantly saying yes when you're just like, man,
19:52
Speaker 1: I really don't want to. You know, my dad and
19:55
Speaker 1: I were having a conversation and he asked me to
19:58
Speaker 1: do something that I really don't want to do. And
20:01
Speaker 1: it's hard because you get the guilt, right? You don't
20:03
Speaker 1: want to let your parent down. But on the other hand,
20:06
Speaker 1: I don't want to do what he's asking me to do.
20:10
Speaker 1: So it's hard. It's challenging. Do you answer emails at
20:17
Speaker 1: 10 p.m.? This is one that I had to really,
20:20
Speaker 1: really work on. So again, for my type A driven women,
20:26
Speaker 1: got to have a standard around starting and stopping. Because
20:30
Speaker 1: if we're always giving to everyone else all the time,
20:33
Speaker 1: you give back to yourself. Now, some of us do
20:36
Speaker 1: get really jazzed. I am an extrovert by nature. I
20:41
Speaker 1: like people. I want to be around people, like almost
20:44
Speaker 1: to a default. Now, do I like my own time
20:46
Speaker 1: and space? Yes, but I don't know. There's just, we
20:50
Speaker 1: get energized. And so you have to find this balance.
20:54
Speaker 1: But do you constantly feel like you have to rescue
20:58
Speaker 1: everyone around you and then complain that no one cares
21:01
Speaker 1: about you? Okay, I see that in women a lot.
21:05
Speaker 1: Because here you are, give, give, give, give, give. You're
21:07
Speaker 1: volunteering on the PTO. You're doing this, doing that. And
21:10
Speaker 1: it's like, you're running yourself ragged, let alone the 50
21:12
Speaker 1: bajillion things that you put your kiddos in. And no
21:15
Speaker 1: wonder your kids are cranky, tired. And now this is not,
21:20
Speaker 1: don't not put your kids in stuff, but you kind
21:23
Speaker 1: of did it to yourself. Okay. Or how about this?
21:26
Speaker 1: How about we do it with a happy heart? Because
21:29
Speaker 1: this is what we wanted to do. Okay. Do you
21:33
Speaker 1: expect your husband to somehow know what you need without
21:39
Speaker 1: communicating it? This is a big one because we constantly
21:46
Speaker 1: pick fights that we don't need to pick. And a
21:50
Speaker 1: lot of times it just comes back to a communication
21:53
Speaker 1: or a communication pattern. Do you give your career, your clients,
21:57
Speaker 1: and your children every ounce of your energy to And
22:01
Speaker 1: then you have nothing left for your spouse. That's not fair.
22:04
Speaker 1: And then question like, man, where did this connection go? See,
22:11
Speaker 1: this is something, again, I get very privy to people's
22:14
Speaker 1: lives and I see it time and time again. And
22:17
Speaker 1: I'm like, man, I remember being there and it sucked
22:20
Speaker 1: and it was hard. It was a lot of questions
22:23
Speaker 1: on a lot of, can we do this? Are we
22:25
Speaker 1: going to make it right? Right. And sometimes we want
22:29
Speaker 1: a better relationship without maintaining a standard that you just
22:35
Speaker 1: haven't made any room for. So, and this gets uncomfortable
22:39
Speaker 1: and I get this, and this isn't that everybody's marriage
22:41
Speaker 1: just needs to be perfect, but listen, it can be
22:43
Speaker 1: great most days. Okay. Because now have something that, you know,
22:50
Speaker 1: you want to change. You want it to be better. Okay.
22:53
Speaker 1: There's nothing wrong with wanting something more for your life.
22:56
Speaker 1: And here's the thing for all my women. that are
22:58
Speaker 1: in just really crappy marriages is what are you doing? Okay.
23:03
Speaker 1: Takes two to tango, but you're half of this. So
23:07
Speaker 1: if this is just a standard that you're allowing, you
23:11
Speaker 1: need to ask yourself, what can I do? That's going
23:14
Speaker 1: to be better. Okay. But then also I want you
23:19
Speaker 1: to have the conversation. Hey, babe, I want to be better.
23:22
Speaker 1: What can we do? You know, one thing that we
23:26
Speaker 1: were asked to do is to detail out your partner. Like,
23:32
Speaker 1: what do you want in your partner? And I was like,
23:34
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, I wonder what Tony's going to write. Like,
23:37
Speaker 1: do I even like, can I even come close to
23:41
Speaker 1: that and what he wants? And I think for most
23:45
Speaker 1: of us, what we realize is we're pretty much on
23:48
Speaker 1: the same page. Okay. But that was a little uncomfortable
23:52
Speaker 1: because it exposes a the gaps, right? What is your
24:00
Speaker 1: standard when you speak to yourself? This one's going to
24:04
Speaker 1: be huge because some of your standards for how everyone
24:09
Speaker 1: else is allowed to speak to you. And, or let
24:13
Speaker 1: me say it this way. Some of us have standards
24:18
Speaker 1: for how everyone else is allowed to speak to you. Okay.
24:21
Speaker 1: Like we don't speak to me like that, right? We're
24:24
Speaker 1: always correcting kids, But absolutely no standards for how we
24:30
Speaker 1: speak to ourself. Look in the mirror and you say
24:33
Speaker 1: some pretty hurtful things. I've heard women say, I look disgusting.
24:38
Speaker 1: My stomach is horrible. I've completely let myself go. I've
24:44
Speaker 1: heard women use words like, I'm so fat. I have
24:48
Speaker 1: no discipline. Imagine saying that to your daughter every single morning.
24:55
Speaker 1: Heart just breaks. Be horrified. But we normalize saying this
25:03
Speaker 1: stuff to ourself and you wonder why you've struggled with
25:06
Speaker 1: confidence day in and day out. So you cannot just
25:10
Speaker 1: bully yourself into becoming a woman who genuinely loves and
25:14
Speaker 1: trusts herself. A phrase I use all the time with
25:16
Speaker 1: my clients is trust yourself. Trust yourself. When you go
25:19
Speaker 1: on vacation, guess what? You don't have to go bananas.
25:23
Speaker 1: What's the point of going to an all-inclusive and just
25:25
Speaker 1: gorging yourself and coming back seven pounds up on the scale?
25:29
Speaker 1: I don't really see any purpose in that and you
25:32
Speaker 1: don't feel good either. What's the purpose in every time
25:36
Speaker 1: you go out to a restaurant, you know like, hey,
25:39
Speaker 1: this would probably be better for me, but I really
25:41
Speaker 1: want this. Well, okay, cool. If you want this, have
25:44
Speaker 1: it in a reasonable portion, but then I do challenge you, hey,
25:48
Speaker 1: if this is the woman you want to be, be
25:50
Speaker 1: okay with making the decision. Be very neutral, but I
25:55
Speaker 1: want you to trust yourself. So when we raise our standard,
26:01
Speaker 1: it doesn't mean that you're lying to yourself. You can say,
26:05
Speaker 1: I don't love where I'm at right now, but I'm
26:08
Speaker 1: actually doing something about it. Okay. One of the best
26:11
Speaker 1: things that I hear from women when they are on
26:14
Speaker 1: a discovery call with me is they get nervous. And
26:18
Speaker 1: I can appreciate that because we talk, we talk pretty deep.
26:21
Speaker 1: But then I also share with them, hey, here's my program,
26:25
Speaker 1: here's how it works, and here's the investment. And I
26:28
Speaker 1: ask them to make an investment in themselves. And for
26:31
Speaker 1: a lot of women, that makes you extremely uncomfortable. You
26:34
Speaker 1: are not used to investing in yourself. This is something
26:38
Speaker 1: that I realized a long, long time ago. And this
26:42
Speaker 1: is back when I was just selling personal training, let
26:44
Speaker 1: alone selling my coaching program now, is it's amazing how
26:49
Speaker 1: many women... Men are a little bit different on this one,
26:52
Speaker 1: but women just wrestle with investing in themselves. For myself,
27:00
Speaker 1: it has become a normal thing. So I appreciate when
27:04
Speaker 1: a woman is like, holy moly, this is making me nervous.
27:08
Speaker 1: And I'm like, that's called normal. You have not invested
27:11
Speaker 1: in yourself like this before. And I totally respect that.
27:14
Speaker 1: Investing in myself has become a normal thing. I have
27:17
Speaker 1: done it for the better part of 20 years. OK,
27:21
Speaker 1: but here's something you never questioned, never questioned going to
27:25
Speaker 1: college and investing in yourself because you knew that there
27:29
Speaker 1: would be a return on investment, or at least I
27:31
Speaker 1: hope so. OK, so that's a whole nother topic. But
27:36
Speaker 1: you didn't go to college thinking, oh, I can't wait
27:38
Speaker 1: to go waste all this money. Right. And so you
27:42
Speaker 1: certainly wouldn't come into a program like mine saying, you know, hey,
27:46
Speaker 1: like I'm not going to get some return on this investment. Okay.
27:49
Speaker 1: Now you do have to do the work. And that's
27:52
Speaker 1: probably more of what women are like, well, shoot, now
27:54
Speaker 1: I got to spend this money. And okay, now I
27:57
Speaker 1: got to do the work. Okay. But I will tell you,
28:00
Speaker 1: we are going to make it so flippant simple that
28:03
Speaker 1: you're going to question like, this is it. But this
28:06
Speaker 1: is something that I hear women say all the time
28:07
Speaker 1: is they will say, I have so much hope. You
28:11
Speaker 1: just alleviated all of my fears, man. I actually feel
28:16
Speaker 1: like this is possible. You're, you're telling me that these
28:19
Speaker 1: results that I have not been able to achieve on
28:21
Speaker 1: my own, that they're actually possible. And for the first time,
28:25
Speaker 1: you have hope. That is the most common thing that
28:29
Speaker 1: I hear when I get off of a call and
28:32
Speaker 1: a woman decides to go all in on herself. So
28:37
Speaker 1: you can not love where you are right now, but
28:42
Speaker 1: know that you're doing something different because this is very,
28:45
Speaker 1: very different from, man, I just hate myself. So One
28:50
Speaker 1: creates action, right? So one statement creates action. The other
28:56
Speaker 1: one reinforces shame, and there's no purpose in that at all.
29:00
Speaker 1: So your high standards are not punishment. When I say
29:05
Speaker 1: raise your standards, I am not saying eat perfectly. I'm
29:08
Speaker 1: not saying never have an adult beverage. I'm never saying, oh,
29:12
Speaker 1: you can't miss a workout. Wake up at 4 a.m.
29:15
Speaker 1: That's weird. Train six days a week. Don't ever have dessert.
29:20
Speaker 1: You can't have a bad day. That's not high standards.
29:24
Speaker 1: So sometimes that's just that perfectionism coming out, which I
29:29
Speaker 1: get you, but it's perfectionism dressed up as discipline. Okay.
29:34
Speaker 1: So a high standard can look like this. I sleep
29:37
Speaker 1: because recovery matters. Now, full disclosure, last night I did
29:40
Speaker 1: not get good sleep at all. Did not get in
29:43
Speaker 1: bed till way, way, way, way too late. And I
29:47
Speaker 1: absolutely felt the effects of it this morning. Workout was
29:51
Speaker 1: not stellar. But you know what? It happens. And this
29:54
Speaker 1: is where I tell women all the time, get away
29:57
Speaker 1: from this perfection. I have to have a perfect sleep score.
30:00
Speaker 1: I don't think that would ever happen for myself and
30:04
Speaker 1: any woman with hormones. So yeah, all of y'all. So
30:09
Speaker 1: you strength train because you want a strong body as
30:13
Speaker 1: you age. You communicate instead of building resentment. These are
30:19
Speaker 1: standards I want for you. I don't continually say yes
30:23
Speaker 1: when I just mean no. I don't speak to myself
30:27
Speaker 1: like garbage. I think about your daughter. Would you say
30:31
Speaker 1: those words to your daughter? Absolutely not. So successful women,
30:39
Speaker 1: you got to listen in on this one. Okay. Because
30:43
Speaker 1: some of you have incredibly high standards professionally. You always
30:48
Speaker 1: stay late. You always solve the problem. Always hit the deadline.
30:55
Speaker 1: You'll prepare for the presentation. You lead your team well.
31:01
Speaker 1: Everyone knows if she says she's going to do it,
31:06
Speaker 1: by God, you're going to get it done. Except when
31:10
Speaker 1: it comes to a promise to you, and that's what
31:13
Speaker 1: I want us to look into. Why does everyone else
31:17
Speaker 1: get this woman that follows through, but now negotiate with yourself?
31:22
Speaker 1: Why is the meeting with your CEO non-negotiable, but that
31:26
Speaker 1: meeting you made with maybe me, okay, that meeting you
31:31
Speaker 1: made at the gym, canceled it. You want to know
31:36
Speaker 1: something that frosts my cookies. This is a complete side note.
31:39
Speaker 1: Women that book a call on my schedule and then
31:41
Speaker 1: no show. You want to know what frosts my cookies
31:44
Speaker 1: even more is when They actually say, Hey, I need
31:48
Speaker 1: to reschedule and I move them. So I take a
31:51
Speaker 1: whole nother spot on my calendar and then they no
31:54
Speaker 1: show again. Why are we doing that? Okay. It's character flaw.
31:57
Speaker 1: You do not do that. So keep appointments. We keep
32:04
Speaker 1: promises to ourself. Okay. Why are you willing to invest
32:09
Speaker 1: money into your business, your children's sports, your home, all
32:14
Speaker 1: your vacations, your career, but taking care of yourself just
32:18
Speaker 1: feels optional. So at some point you have to ask,
32:23
Speaker 1: why does everyone else get the highest standard except for me?
32:26
Speaker 1: That is not selfish. This is respect, respect for yourself.
32:31
Speaker 1: So I wanna urge you to stop waiting to feel
32:35
Speaker 1: like it. Okay, none of us are gonna feel like it.
32:39
Speaker 1: But what I want you to create is this new standard,
32:42
Speaker 1: this new identity that, hey, when I'm tired, Cool, I
32:46
Speaker 1: can still do this. Hey, when I'm stressed, yeah, guess what?
32:49
Speaker 1: A walk is actually gonna make me feel better. You
32:51
Speaker 1: know what? The scale didn't move. Hey, I'm cool because
32:54
Speaker 1: I'm doing all the right things. Full disclosure, I just
32:57
Speaker 1: had the scale hold for flipping four weeks straight. And
33:00
Speaker 1: on the fifth week, fifth week, boom, went down. Okay,
33:04
Speaker 1: can you imagine if I just said, ah, this isn't working, right?
33:07
Speaker 1: Sometimes the body just takes a hot second. Let's think
33:11
Speaker 1: about when you travel. What is your standard? How are
33:14
Speaker 1: you gonna operate? Okay, we had pizza last night. Who cares?
33:18
Speaker 1: Can we get back on track today? I missed a workout. Well, cool.
33:23
Speaker 1: Let's get right back on track. But we have to
33:26
Speaker 1: create these non-negotiables, these new standards, because again, I hate
33:31
Speaker 1: to say this so frank, but we have lowered the bar.
33:34
Speaker 1: When you look around, the next time you're at an airport,
33:38
Speaker 1: you will lose a little bit of faith in humanity.
33:41
Speaker 1: And I, man, I just, I look around and I'm
33:45
Speaker 1: just like, did you just roll out of bed? Can
33:49
Speaker 1: we at least present yourself? There's something about when you
33:54
Speaker 1: get up, you do your hair, do the makeup if
33:58
Speaker 1: you want to, whatever, and you present yourself well. It's
34:02
Speaker 1: a standard. And if you're showing up as the hot
34:07
Speaker 1: mess express, consider taking care of yourself just a little
34:12
Speaker 1: bit more. Now, this doesn't mean full face of makeup,
34:15
Speaker 1: everything's gotta be done, but I'm just gonna be honest.
34:19
Speaker 1: How do you feel when you know you look good,
34:22
Speaker 1: taking care of yourself, you put on the good outfit, okay?
34:27
Speaker 1: Feel different and you show up differently. So your next
34:32
Speaker 1: level may require less tolerance, but it's not gonna take
34:38
Speaker 1: more effort. So I want to pull this all full
34:41
Speaker 1: circle for everyone is maybe you don't need another diet. Actually,
34:46
Speaker 1: I know you don't. You don't need another workout supplement.
34:49
Speaker 1: Oh my God, please. Like, no, we don't need another supplement.
34:55
Speaker 1: And maybe you don't need another podcast telling you how
34:58
Speaker 1: to get motivated. Maybe you need to sit down and
35:03
Speaker 1: decide what's no longer acceptable for me. Not because you
35:08
Speaker 1: hate this life. but because you want something more for you.
35:13
Speaker 1: Have you ever just sat down and said, what the
35:16
Speaker 1: heck do I want now? And we're not going to
35:21
Speaker 1: solve all life problems in one little journal entry. But
35:26
Speaker 1: when you actually hone in on what it is that
35:29
Speaker 1: you actually want and desire for your life, it's amazing
35:34
Speaker 1: how things just start showing up. If you've ever thought
35:37
Speaker 1: about a certain type of car, that you wanted to purchase,
35:42
Speaker 1: and you were like, yeah, I really like this car,
35:44
Speaker 1: this is what I want, all of a sudden, all
35:46
Speaker 1: you see out driving is that car. Okay, this happened
35:51
Speaker 1: to me when I set a goal, there was a
35:52
Speaker 1: certain car that I really, really wanted that wasn't a
35:55
Speaker 1: very common car, but I just kept seeing it everywhere.
35:59
Speaker 1: And I was like, ooh, what model is that? Ooh,
36:01
Speaker 1: what engine does it have? Ooh, yeah, they got the
36:03
Speaker 1: good one. Ooh, I don't like that color. Or, oh,
36:09
Speaker 1: you didn't put the fat tires on, right? But you'll
36:13
Speaker 1: start bringing into existence what it is that you actually want, okay?
36:18
Speaker 1: So if you're not happy in your marriage, if you're
36:21
Speaker 1: not happy in your career, if you're not happy with
36:24
Speaker 1: the woman that you see in the mirror, guess what?
36:26
Speaker 1: You can do something about it, okay? Takes a conscious
36:30
Speaker 1: decision that, hey, I want something better for my life.
36:33
Speaker 1: Then it takes clarity. What do you actually want? want
36:38
Speaker 1: and then you have to check yourself and say how
36:41
Speaker 1: am I showing up am I showing up as this
36:45
Speaker 1: woman that has this new standard again if I would
36:49
Speaker 1: follow you for 7 14 30 days consecutively I wish
36:55
Speaker 1: I could do by the way that would be really
36:57
Speaker 1: crazy what if Aaron just jumped out so I've done
37:01
Speaker 1: that before at the grocery store. So full disclosure, watch
37:04
Speaker 1: out if you're ever in Indianapolis and at the grocery. Actually,
37:06
Speaker 1: I have stopped going to the grocery store, so I'm
37:08
Speaker 1: not even going to do this anymore. But I have
37:10
Speaker 1: been known to pick things out of your grocery cart
37:13
Speaker 1: with love. So think about what it is that you
37:16
Speaker 1: actually want for your life. Because most of you, listen,
37:20
Speaker 1: you did the same as me. You got out of
37:24
Speaker 1: high school, potentially went to college, gotten that career. You
37:28
Speaker 1: met the dude. You had some kids and now you're
37:32
Speaker 1: kind of in this space of like, well, what the
37:34
Speaker 1: hell do I do now? Okay. Because we're unhappy in
37:37
Speaker 1: our clothes. We're unhappy in our own skin. We're frustrated
37:41
Speaker 1: on a daily basis. But girlfriend, whose fault's that? Okay.
37:45
Speaker 1: Take massive personal responsibility. for the woman that you're becoming.
37:51
Speaker 1: We don't have to be the her tomorrow. And quite frankly,
37:54
Speaker 1: the journey is part of it. This is something that
37:58
Speaker 1: I had to really, really, really wrestle with because I
38:01
Speaker 1: didn't understand why I couldn't just have that instant success.
38:04
Speaker 1: How come when I hit certain numbers in my business,
38:08
Speaker 1: why am I not just all of a sudden super happy? Okay,
38:12
Speaker 1: because it's the journey. It's the pursuit. It's the woman
38:15
Speaker 1: that you're becoming, even when you don't feel like it. Okay.
38:20
Speaker 1: I hope this podcast hit home. I want you to
38:22
Speaker 1: consider booking a discovery call with me. You can grab
38:26
Speaker 1: my discovery call. It's in the bio of all of
38:28
Speaker 1: my socials and we can put it here in the
38:31
Speaker 1: show notes, but you don't have to keep struggling. Okay.
38:36
Speaker 1: And this is more than just working out, eating lettuce
38:39
Speaker 1: and carrots. This is about you truly deciding the woman
38:43
Speaker 1: that you want to become and And guess what? We're
38:46
Speaker 1: going to change. So I want you to take the time,
38:49
Speaker 1: book a discovery call with me, and let's change your life.