Latest / Heal Yourself Podcast / Episode 12: Identity and Chronic Health Issues

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Episode 12: Identity and Chronic Health Issues · Heal Yourself Podcast

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Heal Yourself Podcast, where we dive deep into all things healing.
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: I'm Denise, a speech-language pathologist and a self-love coach for adults and teens.
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: And I'm Kira, a traditional naturopath and functional nutritionist, and we are here to guide you through the transformative process of healing your body, mind and soul.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: From the latest in functional medicine to nurturing your relationship with yourself, healing trauma and even transforming your money story.
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: We're here to empower you with the knowledge and tools to create lasting change.
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: So, whether you're looking to heal physically, emotionally or spiritually, join us as we explore the many paths to wholeness and wellness.
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: All right, everyone, welcome back to another episode, and today I am here with special guest Vika Rutkowski.
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: I told you I was going to mess it up.
• 1:01
  Speaker 3: You did a great job, vika Rakowski.
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: Thank you.
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: Sadly, denise is not here with us right now, so the two of us will chat, yeah, so let me tell you a little bit about Vika.
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: We met gosh.
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: It's been about a year now.
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: We met doing a business mentorship program, so we're pretty similar.
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: I love Vika program, so we're pretty similar, I love.
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: Bika the love is shared back.
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: Oh, thanks.
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: So telling you a little bit about her she's an integrative health practitioner and a digestive and immune health coach.
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: She helps motivated women overcome digestive complaints, hormone and autoimmune symptoms through a root cause approach.
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: And I think I love you because we're so similar and for us it's not just like hey take a test and here's 20 supplements.
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: I'll see you in a few months.
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: Good luck with that.
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: It's so much different.
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I want to.
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: I want to just start by asking you to tell us a little bit about your story, like, how did you even get into the space?
• 2:02
  Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely so.
• 2:04
  Speaker 3: My story is kind of interesting because I feel like it had bumps along the way, like.
• 2:08
  Speaker 3: So I initially started having like weird symptoms when I was in high school, shortly after birth control started having like stomach aches, you know, like bad mood mostly was the stomach problem.
• 2:21
  Speaker 3: So I thought I had maybe like actually more of like a reproductive issue, because my mom was having fibroids at the time.
• 2:28
  Speaker 3: So I was like, maybe I'm having fibroids, I have really bad pain and it's all the time and it's worse than it should be, and I kind of just kept getting dismissed.
• 2:37
  Speaker 3: And then it kind of got worse in college and it got to a point where I was like crying myself to sleep.
• 2:42
  Speaker 3: The pain was so bad bad.
• 2:44
  Speaker 3: I was going to a lot of doctors.
• 2:45
  Speaker 3: I was going to like GI specialists.
• 2:46
  Speaker 3: They're like you're too young to have problems, this isn't that big of a deal.
• 2:50
  Speaker 3: Like go home like or you're healthy, or then they noticed that I had really low pulse and they started, uh, putting me on like a holter to check my cardiac function.
• 3:02
  Speaker 3: They noticed I had like very frequent PVCs.
• 3:06
  Speaker 3: They're like, oh, actually we should, um, do like an ablation surgery or give you this medication.
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: My parents were still helping me out at the time.
• 3:15
  Speaker 3: They're like, what's the rate of this ablation surgery?
• 3:17
  Speaker 3: They're like 60%.
• 3:18
  Speaker 3: They're like, okay, that's like 50, 50.
• 3:20
  Speaker 3: No thanks, we're not doing that.
• 3:22
  Speaker 3: I tried the medication but they warned me right right away.
• 3:24
  Speaker 3: They're like a lot of college students don't like it because it makes you very tired.
• 3:27
  Speaker 3: I'm like, well, I can't be very tired when I have school to do and I was kind of like a overachiever and stuff.
• 3:34
  Speaker 3: So I was like I did try it but it did not help because it actually made me feel heart symptoms.
• 3:40
  Speaker 3: Versus before I didn't have any.
• 3:41
  Speaker 3: I was always coming in for gut issues and I was just always dismissed.
• 3:46
  Speaker 3: And then I found I found a book called the crazy sexy diet and it was by this woman called Chris Carr and she would have.
• 3:54
  Speaker 3: She had cancer and she went into.
• 3:56
  Speaker 3: I don't think she went into remission, but she slowed down the progression of her cancer with diet and lifestyle and that was like step number one where I really started getting into it.
• 4:05
  Speaker 3: A lot of my pain went away within 21 days.
• 4:08
  Speaker 3: I later on went back to like my home country, which is Belarus.
• 4:12
  Speaker 3: We got like allergy testing.
• 4:14
  Speaker 3: I was allergic to cow and goat milk.
• 4:16
  Speaker 3: We didn't test gluten at the time, but I did eventually figure out I had gluten issues.
• 4:21
  Speaker 3: We also figured out I had hypothyroidism.
• 4:23
  Speaker 3: There was just a lot going on.
• 4:25
  Speaker 3: And so they gave me a lot of holistic support.
• 4:28
  Speaker 3: They gave me like vitamins.
• 4:30
  Speaker 3: They talked about lifestyle.
• 4:31
  Speaker 3: They talked about like, don't do these kind of workouts, these kind of workouts will be better, taking care of yourself, resting more, because with thyroid problems you have to kind of like just monitor your stress levels and stuff like that.
• 4:43
  Speaker 3: And then I went back to the United States and they again threw that out the window and were like let's go back to this heart condition we need to worry about.
• 4:52
  Speaker 3: So I realized I'm not going to get a lot of help there.
• 4:54
  Speaker 3: Eventually I got diagnosed with Hashimoto's and then when I really got into this world was when I had my first child and he developed a regression around like between one and two years old.
• 5:06
  Speaker 3: He lost speech.
• 5:08
  Speaker 3: He could speak, not a whole lot, because you know one year olds don't speak a lot, but he could understand Russian.
• 5:15
  Speaker 3: He would respond to me in Russian and English, and then he lost all of that.
• 5:19
  Speaker 3: He stopped saying mama, he stopped saying papa, all this things, and I was like, and then when we'd go to the doctor, they would give us really bad advice or no advice and say this is just temporary, it's going to, like, fix itself, no worries about it.
• 5:32
  Speaker 3: And then I was like this just can't be our only options.
• 5:37
  Speaker 3: And when I got married with my husband, he had a holistic doctor which is a whole nother story.
• 5:42
  Speaker 3: I mean, if he could go on your podcast, that would be even cooler.
• 5:45
  Speaker 3: He would be the best mindset coach for anyone.
• 5:48
  Speaker 3: And his story is absolutely insane.
• 5:50
  Speaker 3: It's like, very like, uh, overcoming a lot of difficult emotions.
• 5:55
  Speaker 3: But it came with a health journey as well.
• 5:57
  Speaker 3: Yeah, um.
• 5:59
  Speaker 3: But he had a holistic doctor.
• 6:01
  Speaker 3: So I went to him for my problems and then I started digging into functional medicine and I was like, oh my gosh, there's a whole nother world to this, so there's just so many other options.
• 6:11
  Speaker 3: And I started understanding how the body works on a different level and it really is the whole system.
• 6:19
  Speaker 3: You do need to calm your system down so it's able to heal.
• 6:22
  Speaker 3: You need to see what's going on in the gut, why something happened and even, like you know, you're seeing people who have like gut issues from like a pinch nerve or from a traumatic brain injury.
• 6:33
  Speaker 3: So it's like so many things can set off that your body system of like, oh I'm under stress.
• 6:39
  Speaker 3: And once your body's under stress for whatever reason, the gut starts to get affected and it kind of has like an effect throughout your entire system, your immune system, your gut, your hormones, your mental health, everything.
• 6:52
  Speaker 3: So I started looking into that and it was for my son and for myself and then ended up being for my family and once I realized how far you can go, I wanted to start spreading the word and helping other people as well.
• 7:05
  Speaker 3: So that was kind of my story in a nutshell.
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: Well, and I think I mean there's a couple of things that jumped out to me.
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: Our stories are similar, right, because I struggled with digestive issues for decades and the same type of thing like the gaslighting, is a real thing.
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: And so for listeners right now, please keep advocating for yourselves.
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: You're not crazy, like unfortunately.
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: If there's not something that pops out immediately out of range on blood work, a lot of times it's dismissed, or you know like you're too young, but then you know as soon as you hit a certain age well, it's just because you're older or it's just because you have kids.
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: I mean, stop giving excuses and start digging, and it's frustrating.
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: And it's sad that you have to go elsewhere to get answers, but that's why we do what we do you know Well and it's happening all the time.
• 7:55
  Speaker 3: I would say anyone who goes through this journey is going to have some sort of medical PTSD.
• 8:00
  Speaker 3: And it's crazy because now when I get clients coming in, it's like almost that PTSD is re-triggered because they're having the exact same stories.
• 8:08
  Speaker 3: They're either told they're not that unhealthy compared to their other patients and they're like my body is deteriorating, something is seriously wrong, or they're just getting a bunch of diagnosis and told like go on steroids, go on this medication, it's going to be fine, and they're.
• 8:29
  Speaker 3: Or like I've had some clients who've had surgeries and they're not getting better and they're like just saying like this is not working, but they're going through some pretty aggressive stuff and getting not a whole lot of help.
• 8:36
  Speaker 3: So definitely, definitely advocate for yourself Most of the time.
• 8:40
  Speaker 3: If you're having physical symptoms, it's not just a mental health issue, it's not just anxiety, it's not just depression.
• 8:47
  Speaker 3: It can come along with that sometimes, because the way the body works, you know like you can have anxiety when you're having a gut issue or when you're under fight or flight or you are just stressed.
• 9:01
  Speaker 3: If you're stressed, your body's not working out.
• 9:02
  Speaker 3: Of course, anxiety is going to go along with that and if you're under stress for a long amount of time, your body can crash and you'll have depression.
• 9:09
  Speaker 3: But it doesn't mean the only solution is go to a psychologist or a therapist.
• 9:14
  Speaker 3: You know there's so many things involved with that and when you're losing your health and your abilities, it's really, really scary and I think that's like what you know.
• 9:25
  Speaker 3: Something I wanted to mention was that shift of identity.
• 9:28
  Speaker 3: When you go through like chronic illness.
• 9:29
  Speaker 3: A lot of people I mean there are kids who have chronic illness from day one, so maybe they don't have as big of a shift, but when you're getting chronic, you're developing chronic illness.
• 9:40
  Speaker 3: In that mid-age maybe teenager, young adult, maybe even, a little bit later, 30s you go from like probably being on top of the world.
• 9:49
  Speaker 3: We see a lot of high performers, perfectionists, like people, people, people who do a lot at all times, and then all of a sudden they're like I can't do anything anymore, like this is really hard, like why can't I keep up?
• 10:00
  Speaker 3: And then they start to guilt themselves, they start to hate themselves and then, when you add that medical gaslighting on top of it, they start to think like maybe I am the crazy one, maybe I am losing it, maybe there is something wrong.
• 10:13
  Speaker 3: And there's a couple of ways that can lead into like either just like a freeze, like that emotional freeze where you can't do anything, or you might get stuck in victim mentality because you feel like there's you know you're nobody hears you, nobody's listening, like nobody gets it, and you just start to be mad and it's almost like you're going through that grieving process.
• 10:35
  Speaker 3: You know, there's that like denial stage where, like no, maybe I am okay.
• 10:40
  Speaker 3: And I think that's the really beginning stages where you hear people say like yeah, everyone has issues, it's not that big of a deal, and they're in denial that it's actually a problem.
• 10:47
  Speaker 3: You know what I mean.
• 10:48
  Speaker 3: And then the anger anger at yourself, that why is my body not working?
• 10:53
  Speaker 3: Or anger at doctors, like you're not helping me, what's wrong with you?
• 10:57
  Speaker 3: Like bargaining, asking more from doctors, asking more from yourself Maybe if I just push myself or push through it, it'll get better.
• 11:12
  Speaker 3: Maybe if I wait, it'll be fine.
• 11:13
  Speaker 3: Then again that depression, feeling trapped, and then acceptance like this is where I'm at and the only person that can help me is me.
• 11:16
  Speaker 3: So it's up to me now to start figuring out how to do something.
• 11:18
  Speaker 3: And some people get stuck in victim mentality and they're not able to get to the other side of like okay, how can I empower myself?
• 11:25
  Speaker 3: What can I do to, like, nourish my body, nourish my soul, bring back my capacity for life?
• 11:31
  Speaker 3: And it really has to.
• 11:34
  Speaker 3: You know, you almost have to go through those stages and understand what happened before, that got you here, and what do you need now that might be different from what you had before to get you to the other side.
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and Denise and I talk about that a lot and we're going to continue to weave it through of, like, how do we get out of victim mentality and how do we start to view this as opportunity, which?
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: Might be triggering for people to hear, right, like when I was in the thick of my issues.
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: If you told me, hey, this is a learning opportunity, I would have been like screw you my issues, if you told me hey, this is a learning opportunity.
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: I would have been like screw you, yeah, but it like I would not be where I'm at right now had I not gone through that.
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: So when we can start to shift that just a little bit, it also starts to shift our identity and symptoms do change.
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: And that was actually that was one thing I want to ask you about.
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: So, you mentioned identity, and I love talking about things on the identity level, but how do we start to shift our identity then to an empowered one when we start struggling?
• 12:44
  Speaker 3: you.
• 12:44
  Speaker 3: Sometimes you have to be angry for a little bit, sometimes you have to be in denial, but I think where you really start to see that shift is when you start to let yourself feel safe, seen, heard and safe.
• 12:50
  Speaker 3: And sometimes you can get that from another person If you're lucky enough to have a practitioner or a friend.
• 12:56
  Speaker 3: For me, my husband was a huge advocate for me.
• 12:59
  Speaker 3: He really made me feel seen, heard and safe.
• 13:03
  Speaker 3: So was my sister, because everyone else around me was like no, you're fine, like my parents.
• 13:08
  Speaker 3: When I was like breaking down, like at my peak of symptoms, we're like you just got to study more, you know, like I just kept pushing and pushing, pushing.
• 13:16
  Speaker 3: So if you can't find that for yourself from somebody else, you have to like create it internally, like you have to start telling yourself I'm okay, I trust my body, this is real.
• 13:26
  Speaker 3: I have to start believing myself and I think another way to do that when you don't have any outside sources to lean on that gives you that feeling of safety and feeling heard is reading stories.
• 13:38
  Speaker 3: Read stories about people who have overcome these issues.
• 13:42
  Speaker 3: Find a community.
• 13:43
  Speaker 3: You can and these days we're so lucky to have access to communities online, like the internet, finding other holistic practitioners they usually have some sort of community that you can join or just being involved in their reels and their comments.
• 13:58
  Speaker 3: Finding other like-minded people.
• 13:59
  Speaker 3: For me, I loved being able to get into this world and meet more people who have had similar stories, because that's when you finally are like oh wow, this is real, I'm not crazy, I'm seen, I'm heard, I'm safe here.
• 14:12
  Speaker 3: This is a very safe space and people get what I'm going through and what the journey is going to look like, because it's going to be bumpy.
• 14:19
  Speaker 3: So you have to know that first, before anything and this is what I've noticed works really well with my clients is making them feel safe, like you are safe here.
• 14:27
  Speaker 3: You're allowed to feel all the feelings of frustration, pain, hurt.
• 14:32
  Speaker 3: You're allowed to be frustrated with your body.
• 14:34
  Speaker 3: You're I will never say you're a hypochondriac.
• 14:38
  Speaker 3: I will always believe what you're going through, but we'll have to look at unique ways to tackle it and it might not look like things you've seen before and it's usually not a quick fix.
• 14:49
  Speaker 3: So it's just that, like opening the door, that this is a safe journey and you're you're heard, you're seen and you're safe here.
• 14:56
  Speaker 3: I think that's when they start to be able to shift their identity, because before people feel seen, heard, safe, they are on the defense.
• 15:04
  Speaker 3: They're like you know anything you say, they can't hear you because they're so stressed, they can't relax, that they're going to fight it, and that's when they're angry.
• 15:12
  Speaker 3: That's when they don't believe you.
• 15:13
  Speaker 3: That's why, when you say something like you said, like this is an opportunity for growth, which I absolutely believe it is.
• 15:20
  Speaker 3: It was for me, like I'm so grateful because I have developed a different level of empathy and understanding for people I never would have had if I didn't go through this.
• 15:29
  Speaker 3: I also wouldn't have questioned a lot of things that were normal in our society.
• 15:34
  Speaker 3: If I didn't go through this, I also wouldn't have improved my life, my health, and it starts once you improve your health.
• 15:40
  Speaker 3: You start to help everyone around you my family members, people who are not even my clients.
• 15:45
  Speaker 3: We're talking about family around me my husband, you know my husband's family, my family, like my family.
• 15:52
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a ripple effect and you're able to do that and it's such a beautiful experience.
• 15:58
  Speaker 3: So it is an incredible learning opportunity, opportunity for growth.
• 16:02
  Speaker 3: But you have to go through all the grieving stages first to get there and you have to be just kind to yourself throughout the journey and find people who can also be on it with you.
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and I think you said something important there and I want to touch on that.
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: So finding people going through a similar journey is important, but I'm going to throw in a caveat here, because there's something that I see you want to find people who are in a similar place but who have started that identity shift, who believe that healing is possible, because I can't tell you how many people I've seen get stuck in victim mentality because they join a Facebook group where all people do is complain all day long about how miserable they are, how bad their symptoms are, and I'm like okay, but that's not helping either, I agree.
• 16:53
  Speaker 3: I 100% agree and I'm so glad you brought it up because I've joined, like you know, hashimoto's autoimmune, like gut health problems, uh autism groups, you know, and I was in mold groups.
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: I'm like get me out of here, yeah.
• 17:07
  Speaker 3: The mold group, like they get stuck and I'm like, okay, mold is absolutely real and you can get a toxic effects, but the whole point is to make your body a little bit more resilient to mold and know how to handle it.
• 17:18
  Speaker 3: Moving forward, we're always going towards empowerment.
• 17:21
  Speaker 3: So if anything makes you feel disempowered, that's not the right group for you.
• 17:25
  Speaker 3: You do not want to get stuck.
• 17:27
  Speaker 3: When you get stuck, that becomes you start to lean into that victim mentality and identity a lot more and that is not where you want to be.
• 17:35
  Speaker 3: If your ultimate goal is health, happiness and bettering your life and I know for people who are in the bottom of their you know of what it feels like the bottom and they don't feel good they feel like this it's not going to get better.
• 17:49
  Speaker 3: I promise it.
• 17:51
  Speaker 3: Well, you just have to start believing it and taking baby, baby, baby steps and the baby.
• 17:56
  Speaker 3: The littlest step might be just trusting your body that it's trying to help you.
• 18:01
  Speaker 3: It's trying to send signals that something's off and you will figure it out.
• 18:05
  Speaker 3: You will.
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: And you also.
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: It's funny I'm going to shift it a little bit, but you talked about finding practitioners and their stories, but the word story popped out at me because that is a big piece of shifting our identity.
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: When we're looking at the identity level, a lot of times we are telling ourselves stories that don't serve us, like I'm never going to get better.
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: I would tell myself that or I'm always going to feel this way, or I guess this is just my normal.
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: You can start to shift those stories Now.
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: You can't tell yourself, you know, one day I think I'm going to die in the next day, like this is the best life ever.
• 18:38
  Speaker 3: That's probably a little unbelievable.
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: But like shift the stories and start to have a conversation, start to coach yourself.
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: Is that true?
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: Is that story true?
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: If not, can I shift it to something that's going to better serve me?
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: Because that is going to shift your identity as well.
• 18:55
  Speaker 3: Absolutely, and I love that you brought it up and I'm sure you do it a lot with cause.
• 18:58
  Speaker 3: You know hypnosis and things like that, and I'll mention something I've even done for myself and I've told my clients.
• 19:04
  Speaker 3: So, like, like Kira said, it's always about shifting the stories to something that's believable.
• 19:09
  Speaker 3: So, realistically, if you hate your life, you hate yourself, you hate your body, saying I love my body, I love myself, you probably don't feel that, but something that I do.
• 19:16
  Speaker 3: I love to do the tapping method, and I'll tap my shoulder and say something that I'm working towards.
• 19:22
  Speaker 3: So I'll say I'm working towards loving my body more.
• 19:26
  Speaker 3: I'm working towards finding my worth, I'm, I'm working towards feeling the best in my skin.
• 19:33
  Speaker 3: I'm working towards, you know, developing more strength, because that is believable, you can always work towards something and that can also mean that maybe tomorrow you feel a little bit better, maybe the next day you have a crash.
• 19:46
  Speaker 3: You know what I mean.
• 19:46
  Speaker 3: Cause healing does come with ups and downs.
• 19:49
  Speaker 3: It's not like just all the way up.
• 19:51
  Speaker 3: But if you tell yourself, believable, that you're always working towards something, then you can't argue with that yeah, you can't tell your body, no, you're not working towards it, say, okay, today I worked a little bit less towards it, but tomorrow I'm going to get back on the horse and try again.
• 20:06
  Speaker 3: You know yeah.
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: So we can't just roll over and die and I see people like just give up.
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: I'm like no, just start to shift the stories a little bit, because as soon as you roll over and say this is it, you're right, you are done.
• 20:20
  Speaker 3: It's true, your, your body starts to shut down and believe that, and I'm sure I'm sure maybe you've been in that position, but I have too.
• 20:31
  Speaker 3: There have been moments where, like I remember when I felt so unheard and I felt so drained in my body and I was like this just can't be it.
• 20:35
  Speaker 3: If this is it and everyone's telling me that I'm just working hard enough and my body is crashing, I did want to be done.
• 20:41
  Speaker 3: I would be like, please, Like I would.
• 20:44
  Speaker 3: I remember when I was in high school I'd write into my journal saying I felt so trapped, and I would write the same thing once a year saying like, please, just give me cancer and let me pass away.
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: Like like nicely you know what I mean, like quietly, quietly.
• 20:57
  Speaker 3: Cause I didn't want to make a stank or something.
• 20:59
  Speaker 3: But it's like understand that that might also be part of your journey, but it doesn't mean that it won't get better.
• 21:06
  Speaker 3: You really have to start telling yourself I'm ready.
• 21:13
  Speaker 3: I'm ready now to shift my identity, I'm ready to move towards a different direction.
• 21:15
  Speaker 3: Even if you felt like there was no hope for you, there is hope for absolutely everyone.
• 21:19
  Speaker 3: You just have to open up that door, even if it's like just a tiny little bit.
• 21:23
  Speaker 3: you know dip your toes into believing that there's a better life out there for you.
• 21:27
  Speaker 3: Because I'm telling you, everyone who didn't believe at one point, the minute they started believing, things started massively shifting.
• 21:34
  Speaker 3: And then a year, two, three, you look back you're like Whoa, I didn't realize how much progress I've had just because I took that leap of believing in myself.
• 21:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 21:45
  Speaker 2: Um, one thing I want to ask you about this, because I know you've worked with a lot, of, a lot of women with chronic illness and you've been there yourself.
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah, what are some common personality traits?
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: Of these women specifically who have chronic illness Cause this is going to tie into it.
• 22:06
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so there's like a couple of buckets I see Like so one is definitely like the high achievers, high performers, like very intense thinkers.
• 22:14
  Speaker 3: They overanalyze a lot of things and because they do all that, they carry a lot of guilt and they try to do it all.
• 22:21
  Speaker 3: And when they do it all, it's like you're suppressing a lot of your emotions, you're suppressing a lot of your own needs and you don't know how to handle that.
• 22:29
  Speaker 3: And when you do that, it kind of affects your nervous system and it shuts it.
• 22:34
  Speaker 3: It puts you into that sympathetic mode, right, because you're always stressed, because you're not relaxing, because you're trying to do everything and be everything for everyone.
• 22:42
  Speaker 3: So that's a really common bucket.
• 22:44
  Speaker 3: And even if you look in research, they see that a lot like neuroticism, tendency towards suppressing emotions, sometimes a pattern of putting others needs before their own.
• 22:55
  Speaker 3: And this is also why you see a lot of women who have autoimmune rather than men who have autoimmune, because it is like a female tendency, like that motherly instinct.
• 23:04
  Speaker 3: And then the other bucket I see a lot is like neurodivergence, so people with like ADHD, autism, and maybe that's partially a methylation issue.
• 23:14
  Speaker 3: But I also, like some people do, there are some theories that not I don't think every case of ADHD is like this, but some cases of ADHD might actually be more of like a trauma response from childhood, because you have that hypervigilance where you're hyper focusing, really fixated on something, and then dissociation when you don't pay attention.
• 23:33
  Speaker 3: Obviously that's not perfect, because there's other things that could be involved.
• 23:37
  Speaker 3: There could be brain fog, it could genuinely be a personality trait and that might not always be a bad thing, you know, but I do think there's that bucket as where you see a lot of that.
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, yeah, I completely agree, Grief.
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: I'm going to throw out.
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: I will say perfectionism um people that get stuck in fear and like chronic worriers.
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: Yes, yes.
• 24:00
  Speaker 3: That's so common and that's usually yeah, perfectionism, high achievers, high performers yeah, that's huge, because you can basically never achieve enough and then you can never relax.
• 24:13
  Speaker 3: If you can't relax, how can you heal your body?
• 24:15
  Speaker 3: That's when it does all, if it's recovery, immune support.
• 24:19
  Speaker 3: You know the your, your microbiome is very impacted by your stress levels, by your nervous system.
• 24:25
  Speaker 3: So if you're always on that high end of things, then it's going to be hard to let your body function properly, yeah, and that goes back to identity again too right Like.
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: Denise and I have chatted about this, so plug for our emotion episode, which I think was like episode four go listen to that.
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: And we talk about perfectionism and boundaries too, but it all rolls in and that's a piece of a lot of our identities that for years I mean heck decades I prided myself on being a perfectionist.
• 24:54
  Speaker 2: I was definitely a people pleaser, I definitely lacked boundaries and I have had to work on that to slowly shift my identity and change those stories of like.
• 25:04
  Speaker 2: You don't need to please everyone.
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: It's not selfish if you put yourself first and like all of that.
• 25:11
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I can relate because I took a lot of pride in being miserable.
• 25:15
  Speaker 3: I'm like I can take torture more than anybody else.
• 25:19
  Speaker 3: You know, I can beat my body to a pulp, but I'll get everything done that I need to definitely have Like, even though I wouldn't call myself a perfectionist because I was always kind of a messy person, but like a chaotic person, impulsive person, but I was very, very high, achieving Like.
• 25:35
  Speaker 3: I wanted to do it all.
• 25:37
  Speaker 3: I wanted, you know, to have the best social life, have the best schoolwork, do all the extracurriculars, do all of this.
• 25:43
  Speaker 3: And, like I said, when I was in college and my body was breaking down and I was getting less sleep, the advice I got from my family was along the same lines Well, keep working harder, your body can.
• 25:54
  Speaker 3: My mom would always tell me like.
• 25:55
  Speaker 3: Well, when I was in college, I thought I had brain cancer, but I got my PhD.
• 25:59
  Speaker 2: You know what I?
• 26:00
  Speaker 3: mean no-transcript.
• 26:38
  Speaker 3: Have them before.
• 26:38
  Speaker 3: They were like I'm going to just do it all, or I'm going to do whatever everyone else wants.
• 26:42
  Speaker 3: You have to create non-negotiables for yourself, for your health.
• 26:45
  Speaker 3: So, if it's sleep like, if sleep is the which it should be for most people, you should be getting enough sleep most days.
• 26:53
  Speaker 3: Maybe not every day, but most days, you know, sleep could be a big one.
• 26:55
  Speaker 3: You know, doing something for your mental health to keep you sane and regulated.
• 26:58
  Speaker 3: Doing something, you know, for your physical health, whether it's movement, diet, whatever.
• 27:04
  Speaker 3: You have to figure out and this is a personal journey to everyone Uh, what are your non-negotiables?
• 27:09
  Speaker 3: To keep you balanced throughout your days, throughout your weeks, and that way, when you have an off day, you can bounce back a little bit faster.
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Um gosh, this has been such a good conversation.
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: I feel like there's been like so many tips thrown in here too, too, on shifting identity and things to focus on.
• 27:28
  Speaker 2: But I want to kind of turn things a little bit like what was most impactful in your healing journey so that we can give some additional tools to our listeners, and I know this is going to be different right.
• 27:41
  Speaker 2: Like I talk about that, just because these three things were amazing for you doesn't mean they're going to be amazing for everyone, but sometimes an aha or a light bulb will go off in someone's head.
• 27:52
  Speaker 2: I'll give you a couple of things.
• 27:54
  Speaker 3: So, like something that I think could help most people in a similar situation as me is definitely like diet, sleep, slowing down, rest.
• 28:03
  Speaker 3: Like there's a point that I was really into yoga.
• 28:05
  Speaker 3: That was amazing for my nervous system, liver health, like looking into that, looking into like what holistic practitioners call drainage pathways those are all the basics.
• 28:15
  Speaker 3: Something that was very specific to me, and maybe this is something for people to think about too, is that, like, honestly, marrying my husband was such an impactful thing for my journey Because, like I said, he had his own health journey.
• 28:29
  Speaker 3: He also used integrative doctors and it gave me a lot of space of safety and hope, where I did not get that before from anyone else.
• 28:37
  Speaker 3: Like he made me feel seen, heard, safe.
• 28:40
  Speaker 3: When I felt like I was being lazy, he's like no, you just don't feel good, that's okay.
• 28:44
  Speaker 3: People have bad days, you know.
• 28:45
  Speaker 3: I felt like it was okay to slow down, it was okay to take care of myself.
• 28:50
  Speaker 3: So maybe that is a tip for people to think about.
• 28:54
  Speaker 3: What are the people you're surrounding yourself by?
• 28:56
  Speaker 3: If you're not married, then maybe being choosy about what kind of partner you pick, like what, how do you feel when you're together?
• 29:03
  Speaker 3: Do you guys lift each other up, but the same should be happening with your friends.
• 29:08
  Speaker 3: Do you guys lift each other up or are you a little misaligned Cause?
• 29:12
  Speaker 3: Sometimes it's not about like somebody has to be good or great or better.
• 29:16
  Speaker 3: It's about like whether you guys are on the same page and whether your journey is aligned and you want to find people who align and make it easy for you to be your best self.
• 29:27
  Speaker 3: So that is a big part of my journey.
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that sorry this is.
• 29:32
  Speaker 2: This is a podcast.
• 29:33
  Speaker 2: We interrupt each other, um, but the the finding people that lift you up is huge, and this can be a hard one.
• 29:42
  Speaker 2: This is where boundaries come in.
• 29:44
  Speaker 2: This is where the people pleasing rears its ugly head, because I'm sure you've had the same.
• 29:49
  Speaker 2: But clients over the years are like my partner doesn't support me eating this way.
• 29:53
  Speaker 2: They just want to go eat X, y, z, but I can't eat those things right now.
• 29:57
  Speaker 2: I realized that they don't make me feel good Boundaries like you.
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: You've got to put those in place.
• 30:02
  Speaker 2: Then, if your partner loves and supports you, then they're going to be on board.
• 30:06
  Speaker 2: But you've got to advocate for yourself again.
• 30:09
  Speaker 2: It's not just advocating at the doctor's office, but with family, with friends.
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: I mean, we're holiday season here and a lot of times people will go to family members' houses and they're like I can't eat anything, like I can't tell you how many clients have told me over the years I went to my mother-in-law's.
• 30:24
  Speaker 2: You know we had Christmas over there and there wasn't anything I could eat.
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: Advocate for yourself.
• 30:29
  Speaker 2: I don't care if you feel like you're the crazy person.
• 30:33
  Speaker 2: Embrace it Like you're doing it for you and for your health.
• 30:37
  Speaker 2: You're not a crazy person by saying like, hey, I can't eat all this highly processed food, or right now, my body's not responding well to gluten.
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: Are you going to have anything that's gluten-free?
• 30:46
  Speaker 2: Like use it as an opportunity to educate, but so many get stuck in, oh my gosh, I can't say anything.
• 30:52
  Speaker 2: They're going to make me feel like I'm needy and weird.
• 30:56
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's huge.
• 30:58
  Speaker 3: Well, that's also that shift of identity, cause in the beginning, when I did that, everyone was were confused.
• 31:07
  Speaker 3: They're like what are you talking about?
• 31:08
  Speaker 3: Like you eat like this.
• 31:10
  Speaker 3: Like, like my dad told me I will never get married if I have a restrictive diet, because men won't want me.
• 31:17
  Speaker 3: And I was like well, dad, the other option is I like like I die because, like things are not going well and and when I eat like this, I can get through my day.
• 31:27
  Speaker 3: Like I feel good, um, but that's where you have to like.
• 31:30
  Speaker 3: The beginning might be a little rocky, but you know what.
• 31:33
  Speaker 3: People get used to it and once they get used to it, give it a couple of months a year.
• 31:37
  Speaker 3: Everyone knows you as that person that's, you know, might bring your own food or might, uh, you know, you might be the one eating salad, like, if you can also prep ahead of time and eat a meal before you go somewhere, like there's so many ways to do it and there's ways to make it a little bit less awkward, like some things.
• 31:52
  Speaker 3: I will say be like, oh, you know, um, I feel better when I eat this kind of food.
• 31:57
  Speaker 3: You know you don't even have to villainize, like, oh, gluten's the devil.
• 32:00
  Speaker 3: Like I could never eat that.
• 32:02
  Speaker 3: You could be like oh, you know what my body feels good, and you can even make a joke out of it and be like oh, you don't want to see me after I eat.
• 32:08
  Speaker 3: That, you know.
• 32:09
  Speaker 3: Then none of us will have fun.
• 32:10
  Speaker 3: There are ways to make it like really like lighthearted, and not because I think the reason why it gets awkward is because somebody else feels like oh, then I'm the bad guy because I didn't make you anything.
• 32:22
  Speaker 3: You know what I mean, that you want.
• 32:24
  Speaker 3: And then they get defensive and be like why are you doing that?
• 32:25
  Speaker 3: Or they assume that you're judging them because they're eating sugar or processed food and you're like oh, it's nothing to do with you, this is just like you know, like I'm going through a healing journey and I haven't been feeling good and this makes me feel a lot better, you know, and I would bring your own stuff or, like I said, eat before and just take it as like a social opportunity instead of a food one.
• 32:44
  Speaker 3: That's what I did for the longest time.
• 32:46
  Speaker 3: I would eat before and I would go see people and just like have something to drink, maybe a couple of veggies or whatever they had and just use that as like oh, I just want to bond with them and socialize, and this is not where I'm going to get most of my nutrition, because I can't expect that from them, because they don't know what I need.
• 33:01
  Speaker 3: Yep, they just don't know, you know?
• 33:03
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 33:04
  Speaker 2: And that's the thing it's.
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: It's no judgment, it's just this is what I need.
• 33:07
  Speaker 2: My boundaries are here.
• 33:08
  Speaker 2: I'm doing what's best for me.
• 33:10
  Speaker 2: I'm not just going to roll over and say, okay, you guys are going to have food, that's the next 48 hours, but I'll just eat it.
• 33:17
  Speaker 2: Don't do it.
• 33:19
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and with your husband you do like when it's husbands or, like you know, immediate family.
• 33:23
  Speaker 3: You do have to have some boundaries and it can be a little bit awkward because you are closer to them, but I would still, like I said, find resources like communities where people get it, because you still need someone who gets it Cause.
• 33:37
  Speaker 3: Then otherwise you start questioning yourself Like maybe I am crazy, maybe I should stop.
• 33:41
  Speaker 3: But then you start seeing results and other people like see the results with you and then it's a lot easier.
• 33:46
  Speaker 3: It's always a lot easier when you have someone to lean on and you have support, but it doesn't always have to be your husband or your parents or your sibling.
• 33:55
  Speaker 3: It could be someone else and you can still come back to your husband and be like, well, my girlfriend is loving it too.
• 34:00
  Speaker 3: You know what I mean and be like you should try it with us.
• 34:02
  Speaker 3: I feel amazing.
• 34:04
  Speaker 3: And then sometimes you know it's like a little, a little whisper, a little nudge.
• 34:08
  Speaker 3: They start noticing what, how great you're feeling, how your digestive is going smoother, how like you have less aches and pains, how you have more energy, and they're like maybe I should try that.
• 34:19
  Speaker 2: Maybe that McDonald's I ate yesterday wasn't serving me.
• 34:22
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so you never know you just gotta.
• 34:25
  Speaker 3: You know, keep going and keep trying and not give up on yourself.
• 34:28
  Speaker 3: There's never a reason to give up on yourself.
• 34:31
  Speaker 2: I think that's been the theme, Like, yes, we talked about identity and some tips, but advocating for yourself and knowing that like there is always hope.
• 34:39
  Speaker 2: And actually somebody sent me a text yesterday and is ready that we have our first appointment next week.
• 34:46
  Speaker 2: But I was looking at her labs and she's like, is there hope?
• 34:49
  Speaker 2: I'm like there's always hope, Absolutely.
• 34:53
  Speaker 3: Absolutely.
• 34:53
  Speaker 3: And think about it this way Even if you get 20% better than you were before, that can be huge.
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: You know, what I mean.
• 35:00
  Speaker 3: So it's like you got to celebrate every bit of progress, cause I feel like sometimes it's like when you're on a healing journey, you can get stuck on symptom and even though you got rid of, let's say, 80% of your symptoms, you're like I have to do more cleanses, I have to do more healing.
• 35:14
  Speaker 3: And you're like wait a second, can we celebrate where you're at now.
• 35:17
  Speaker 3: You don't have any gut problems anymore, you don't have any aches and pains anymore, like you don't need to be Superman 24, seven, because now you're going back to like trying to be a perfectionist again.
• 35:29
  Speaker 3: So it's like if you have that, then you can get stuck in a new way of the same thing.
• 35:34
  Speaker 2: Really, yeah, so true.
• 35:36
  Speaker 2: So, before we wrap it up, do you have any final thoughts?
• 35:41
  Speaker 2: Anything, and I'm putting you on the spot here.
• 35:43
  Speaker 2: You might not, and that's totally fine, but any any other things you want to share with our listeners?
• 35:47
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I'll just give some like summary points.
• 35:50
  Speaker 3: So, like, if you're in a difficult situation, the first thing I want you to focus on is developing safety within your body.
• 35:58
  Speaker 3: If you can't get it from your outside environment, start creating it for yourself.
• 36:04
  Speaker 3: You have to start telling yourself I trust my body, I trust my intuition.
• 36:08
  Speaker 3: I'm going to listen inward instead of listening outward, because you're going to hear a lot of noise from the outside and it won't always serve you, and sometimes it's not their fault.
• 36:18
  Speaker 3: It's just because they're giving you, based on their experience, what works for them, but that doesn't always translate to what works best for you.
• 36:24
  Speaker 3: So start becoming your own best friend.
• 36:26
  Speaker 3: That's number one.
• 36:28
  Speaker 3: Second thing is focus on nourishment.
• 36:30
  Speaker 3: Anything you want to do, you have to think about it.
• 36:34
  Speaker 3: I'm not punishing myself, I'm not taking away.
• 36:36
  Speaker 3: I'm not doing this aggressive thing.
• 36:39
  Speaker 3: I'm trying to nourish my body.
• 36:41
  Speaker 3: I'm trying to nourish my soul, I'm trying to nourish my cells.
• 36:45
  Speaker 3: I'm trying to nourish you know just everything about me, and that will get you closer to where you want to be.
• 36:50
  Speaker 3: And then the last thing is don't get fixated on any one single thing.
• 36:55
  Speaker 3: It's not just detox, not just diet, it's not just, you know, a mental health and nervous system.
• 37:01
  Speaker 3: It's not just you know.
• 37:02
  Speaker 3: A mental health and nervous system.
• 37:04
  Speaker 3: It's not just you know the healthcare is a problem and we are going to fixate on that.
• 37:08
  Speaker 3: You have to look at it holistically from all perspectives and think about, like, how can I just improve my life a little bit today, tomorrow?
• 37:13
  Speaker 3: You know what different things you can do and you can add on, you can take out, you can swap.
• 37:18
  Speaker 3: It's a lifelong journey, it's a marathon, it's not a sprint.
• 37:21
  Speaker 3: So never get too dogmatic or fixated and keep learning, keep staying open and um, hopefully, you can be just as open to the people around you, cause that's really what you know spread the love spreads the healing.
• 37:34
  Speaker 2: I love it.
• 37:35
  Speaker 2: Thank you.
• 37:36
  Speaker 2: Those were fabulous tips.
• 37:37
  Speaker 2: So if someone's looking for you, how are they going to find you?
• 37:41
  Speaker 3: Well, there's a couple of ways you can find me.
• 37:43
  Speaker 3: On Instagram.
• 37:44
  Speaker 3: I'm Vika Rakowski wellness.
• 37:47
  Speaker 3: I also have a website called vikarakowskicom.
• 37:49
  Speaker 3: You could probably find me on Tik TOK and Facebook as well, but I'm mostly on Instagram.
• 37:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I get that one, I don't even have Tik TOK yeah.
• 37:59
  Speaker 3: I have it somewhere and then I haven't been updating it for a while, but yeah, Well, thank you so much for sharing your journey, sharing some valuable tips.
• 38:09
  Speaker 2: Go follow Vika and then, as usual, if you enjoyed this episode, we would love the likes, the shares, the follows, all the things, and we will see you on the next episode.