Latest / Willow Healing Matters Podcast / Change Is Inevitable, Growth Is a Choice: How to Break Free From Victim Stories & Trust Yourself | Brigitta Dau

Transcript

Change Is Inevitable, Growth Is a Choice: How to Break Free From Victim Stories & Trust Yourself | Brigitta Dau · Willow Healing Matters Podcast

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_02: Welcome to Willow Healing Matters, the podcast.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_02: We're so excited to have you joining us on this journey
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_02: where we explore different ways to empower your soul,
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_02: whether it's healing in your kitchen or all the way up in the corporate world.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_02: Come with us as we look into different ways to heal your mind, body and soul.
• 0:19
  [music]
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_02: My virtual obsession,
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_02: my romantic thriller, is now available on Amazon and other online retailers.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_02: This book explores the intersection of loneliness, love,
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_02: and how chasing perfection through technology can lead
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_01: to fantasy
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_01: and reality colliding.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_01: My virtual obsession out now.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_02: Everybody,
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_02: it's Catherine Crestani with another episode of Willow Healing Matters
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_02: and today I am joined by Brighetta Dow.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_02: So she helps people reconnect with their inner wisdom,
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_02: overcome blocks and creates lives infused with purpose and creativity.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_02: Whether she's leading a retreat,
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_02: speaking on stage or guiding a room through transformation, her message is clear.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_02: Change is inevitable.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_02: Growth is a choice.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_02: I love that.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_02: Welcome to the show, Brigetta.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you so much for having me.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm very excited about this conversation.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_02: So I know you do a barrel of other things.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_02: I do.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_02: So what led you to working with people and allowing them to step more
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_02: into growth rather than being a passive observer?
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: I have always, I think, had, I've always had a curiosity about healing.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: Even in my very early 20s, I knew there was more.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: I've just been curious and I feel like it was a past life.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: It was actually this lifetime in my 20s, late teens, early 20s, for about 15 years, actually.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: I was a professional actress.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: And that was in Canada.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: So I got to kind of live all these other lives,
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_01: you know.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: And so I was on a show in Canada.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: I moved to the States.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: So I did a lot and I got to meet a lot of different people.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: But even with acting...
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: Certainly the reasons I got into acting were probably one reason,
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: but the reason I stayed in acting and the reason I still really love artists is
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: because I think that they support healing.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: I think even television,
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: you know, tonight my husband and I were watching like a murder mystery show.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's entertaining.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: It's a break from our life.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: We get to experience things that we can't experience in our everyday life.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I think there's something healing about that.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: So I think even back then when I was doing something completely different,
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: I think that I was kind of laying the groundwork for what I do now.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: And now it's just more direct.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: Now I work with people one-on-one or in groups, on Zoom, sometimes in person.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: I'm also a Reiki practitioner.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a Reiki master.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: So I include energy work with the coaching.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, I think I've always had it.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I just, I kind of took this meandering path that in hindsight makes sense.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: I think while I was on the path, there were times where I was like, whoa, why?
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: What?
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_02: But now it makes sense.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_02: I love what you said,
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_02: but about TV being a break,
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_02: but it also can be an interesting way to explore concepts, right?
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_02: So it's amazing, like,
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_02: you know,
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_02: outside of this,
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_02: I was sharing with you just before my other podcast, Connections from Beyond.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_02: We talk about galactic things,
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_02: but so many of the things we talk about have been portrayed by Hollywood
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_02: or have been brought up,
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_02: you know,
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_02: like Avatar and Star Wars and Star Trek and all these concepts that seem easier
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_02: for people to digest because they've explored it through TV.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_02: So even, you know...
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_02: I'm still sucked into Grey's Anatomy.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know how.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_02: I'm still watching it.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_02: There's so many sisters that have popped out of the woodworks.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_02: I can't even keep up anymore.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_02: But it's really fascinating because they talk about a lot of medical concepts
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_02: that are real and then it'll come up for a client or something like that.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like...
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_02: I watched this in Grey's Anatomy.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_02: But it's like,
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_02: you know,
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_02: obviously I'm not going to make the reference,
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_02: like the show said this, but it helped get my head around it.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_02: So I understood more what was happening for that person.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_02: So it's almost like allowing you to...
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_02: And experience something before you experience it.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_02: I believe things come into our field for a reason.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_02: Hopefully you don't experience murders.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: Or the zombies.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: I like those shows too.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: Hopefully that one.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: But it is psychology.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, from an acting standpoint, it's all psychology.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're playing a character, Grey's Anatomy is a good example.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: When you're playing someone who's not such a great person,
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: the villain or the villainess,
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: The person, when you're playing that character, you can't be judging your character.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: You have a very clear reason as to why you're doing what you're doing
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: and you think you're right.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: You know,
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: and so you get into the psychology of,
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: you know, why is this person doing what they're doing, even if they're the bad guy?
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: I have a really clear directive,
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: like they are going for something that's important to them for what it's worth.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: It could be a terrible idea, but that's why we have these stories.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: Plus the hero's journey.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: We love that story.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: I watch it over and over and over again in all these different shows because we want
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: to root for that person, the reluctant hero.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: We really do.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: And the fantasy, there's just so many.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: There's a big firework that just went off that distracted me.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, did someone drop something?
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it was just a really loud firework and my dog is like,
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: but back to what we were talking about.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I think that, I don't know.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: I think that there's more to entertainment than we really give credit to.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I do think,
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: however,
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: then there were some amazing performances where we were just moved to tears
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: or laughing so hard we cry.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: And of course, that's magic too, for sure.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: It is.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: It is.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_02: It's the same with singing or books or anything like that.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_02: And I love, too,
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_02: that you brought up the hero's journey because so often,
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know about clients you work with,
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_02: but many of
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_01: my clients would discount their own journey.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_01: Like, you know, I didn't have enough trauma.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_02: And I know I'm a little bit guilty of that, too.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I didn't go through a crazy spiritual kundalini awakening like that.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_02: Like, was mine not significant enough?
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, oh, hang on.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_02: My whole company collapsed.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe it was significant enough.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_02: But, you know, it's interesting, right, that people discount their own story.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: I think they do.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: It's funny that we do that.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: This is a really interesting thing because people, first of all, that is true.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: I think that there's no measuring of trauma, just like there's no measuring of miracles.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: It was Marianne Williamson, I think, who talks about the course of miracles.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: Marianne Williamson talks about how there's no judgment around if you want
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: a miracle, you can have a miracle.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't mean like This person's got like really horrible things going on.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: They're more deserving of a miracle than you.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's a miracle.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: A miracle is available to any and every one of us.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that we can discredit our own experiences by comparison.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: There's that comparison piece again,
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: which we can, it's so fascinating too, to see how we can flip that.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: I've heard my own inner critic say to me,
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: practically in the same breath, you're too old to figure that out.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: And then it'll be, you're too young to do this.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like, well, which is it?
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: And there's that voice, but I guess it's a protection.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I have to assume that's what it is, right?
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: Is that what you find with your clients?
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_02: So sometimes it's that we get scared of the unknown, right?
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_02: Because if we're trying to step into something new,
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_02: because we're always growing and evolving, but it's our choice.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_02: This is what I believe.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_02: It's our choice whether we choose to step into it or stay in the old.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_02: You're just going to get so uncomfortable in the old that
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_02: the universe will force you To grow and expand anyway.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_02: So, you know, my old coach called it like accidental courage or intentional courage.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_02: So, you know,
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_02: it's like,
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_02: you know,
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_02: you can choose to be courageous and see where you're heading and go,
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_02: oh, I'm just going to jump a few steps forward.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_02: Or you can choose to just stay in that passive role and wait for the universe
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_02: to reject it to happen.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_02: It's like, I really want to quit my job, but I'm just going to wait.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_02: And then hopefully they'll just fire me.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: That's free will.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: And that is where one of my coaches has said, you know, your word is your want.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: And it really is like, what is it that you want?
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I think what we want,
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: as much as we discredit our stories, people also discredit their desires.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: Women discredit our desires.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: We don't.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: And that's one thing people hear me say, want it like you mean it.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: And they're like, what does that mean?
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: I said, it means put your money where your mouth is, you know, like really go for it.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: Want it like you mean it.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: Own it.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: Claim your desires.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: Who told you you couldn't want things?
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: You know,
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: and I mean,
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: society told us there's been a lot of reasons that we've been kind of squashed
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_00: in terms of really wanting what we want.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: But I think that that's part of growth is to say, no, dammit, I want this.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: I do.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: This is important to me.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm going to take a stand and I'm going to go for it and we'll see.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: And that's where this whole growth is a choice because change is inevitable.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: Change will happen.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's going to come at you just like you said.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: The obstacles will come.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: Guaranteed.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: That's life.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: And it is a choice of, well, this can either be an opportunity.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe I'll learn something.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe I'll overcome this.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: And if I don't want, maybe I'll have some new information moving forward.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: It's an opportunity.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a big fan of turning obstacles into opportunities.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: That to me is a growth mindset because then no matter what the situation is,
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: if you come away from it having learned something, expand it a little bit.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you have more capacity for whatever the challenge was.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you have a little more self-trust, a little more confidence for the next time around.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: That's a huge win.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: All of those things are huge wins.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: Just even one of those things to me is a big win when we're dealing
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: with really tough situations.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_02: I just kept hearing, bless the mess.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_02: Bless the mess.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: Have a sense of humor about it.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah, then go
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_02: with it.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_02: This is the thing.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_02: I use a lot of humor.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_02: And sometimes it's like really inappropriate,
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_02: but sometimes you need the laughter to break the tension,
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_02: especially when it's a big thing.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_02: You know,
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_02: like I've had clients go through massive ancestral clearings and then they have like
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_02: a really evil kind of ancestor kind of come through and I'm like,
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_02: God, I'm glad we started with that.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_02: Hopefully the next side's easier.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_02: You have to let it go.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_02: But I love what you brought up too.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_02: It's like the obstacle becoming the opportunity because the other aspect of that
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_02: that I learned was like, what is this teaching me?
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_02: What am I learning from this?
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_02: Why is this happening to me?
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_02: Because that just leaves you in victim, right?
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_02: And that's what you want to step out of.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_02: And something powerful that I heard was, Share your story three times.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_02: If you're still triggered by it, let it go.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_02: Because you can share it with your partner or your friend,
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_02: another friend, and then say it one more time.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_02: And otherwise, then you're just going to keep reliving the trauma again and again and again.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_02: So if you can see the lesson in it and there's no emotional touch anymore,
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_02: you can talk about it to help share and teach people from what you learn.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_02: But if you keep talking about it just to get the reactions,
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_02: Then you're keeping it in a victim story loop.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, oh, so I did that the other week because something happened.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_02: And then a different friend rang up to ask me what was happening.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, I said, I just talk about it three times.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_02: And I sat there with my spirit team.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, I know I said three times.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_02: Can I just tell her?
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_02: They go, yeah, yeah, it's fine.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_02: The emotion charge has basically gone out of it.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_02: So that's fine.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, okay, great.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_02: Well, this is
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_02: Because you do have to get the emotion out behind it without judgment.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_02: That's why it's good to have those friends that you share,
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_02: but you don't want to also keep living the same trauma loop because like you said,
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_02: that affects your mindset and then you just keep seeing it as an obstacle rather
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_02: than opportunity.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah,
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_00: and I think that then I feel like we get stuck in that trauma loop or victim loop
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: because we're getting something out of it.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_00: At the end of the day,
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: we're getting comfort, which, I mean,
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: it's a funny thing when we can say we're so uncomfortable,
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_00: but it's more comfortable to be uncomfortable than to risk giving up the story.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: And then to me, what that means is, I think the bigger risk is, who am I saying I'm going to be?
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: Who am I without this story?
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: Of me being a victim in this situation.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: And even with the story of the facts, you know, these are the facts.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: This is what happened.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_00: The facts.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: And then there's my story I put onto it where I'm the victim.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: And that could be very true in a lot of ways.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: And then there's me retelling it, as you said, over and over again.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_00: Keeping this trauma going instead of saying, who am I without that story?
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_00: And that's not easy work.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_00: That takes solid friends too.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_00: That takes a really strong support team around you.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_00: My friends, family,
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: whoever it is,
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_00: however you find your support to say,
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: I'm letting go of some stories that other people may still think are true about me,
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: but I'm now taking steps to say, yeah, I'm changing my story now.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: That, I mean, that's exciting to me, but it is really, it's scary.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_00: It's, here we go.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's a hero's journey.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: It's stepping out to the unknown.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_02: And definitely,
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_02: and oftentimes,
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_02: When you change,
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_02: a lot of people can't keep up with the change if you're changing either,
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_02: you know, because then they're like, oh, she's not talking about this anymore.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_02: And I was doing a recording yesterday and I was saying whenever I go
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_02: to family events, the big thing that always pops in my head is do not engage.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_01: So, you know, because you don't want to
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_02: get sucked into the drama.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_02: And even a few years ago,
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_02: like when we were able to come back together for Christmas,
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_02: my My parents had this big thing at their house
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_02: and there was this massive drama going on about going to Fiji and all this stuff.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_02: And I just didn't want to go.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, oh God, that sounds terrible.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_02: Going with my extended family for that long where you can't get away from each other.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_02: You're all in the same resort.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_02: It's just like, no, no desire.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you very much.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_02: And they just was trying to start this big drama about it.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_02: I literally just walked out of the room and I was like, oh, I can, I can do that.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_02: And then my auntie came after me and she's like, why don't you want to go?
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_02: I said, I just don't want to go on a plane.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_02: I don't want to, I don't want to travel there.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_02: I have no desire.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_02: And she's like, okay,
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_02: even if it's all paid for, I said,
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_02: no, that's, that's, there's catches, there's drama and I'm not being part of that.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_02: And then I kept in my happy place.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_02: I was still happy,
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_02: but it's interesting because like,
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_02: especially family, I find they try and suck you in.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_00: Well, they do.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's where some of these practices that,
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_00: you know, of course, coaching can help you with this too.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_00: But it's the,
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_00: I have a friend of mine,
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: she said when she's with her family,
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_00: she said she views it like she's doing some anthropology.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_02: I know what you're talking about.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_00: She's studying their behaviors.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_00: Here we are.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, talk about Star Trek.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, we've landed on this planet.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_00: We're studying this.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: What are the natives doing?
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_00: And they're her family.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_00: And she just sits back and studies them as like as if she had to report back to
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: a supervisor and say, well,
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_00: this is what I learned about this
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_02: particularly interesting species,
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: also known as my family.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_02: But that way she doesn't engage because she knows if
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_00: she starts getting in there,
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_00: it's like it, it, yeah, it's, it goes fast.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_00: How quickly you can get into those old stories.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_02: And I just had this image of her like, even viewing it as like a TV show, you know, like.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_02: I do that at restaurants.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_02: I will sit there at restaurants while, you know, you're waiting for your food to come.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_02: And I don't, like, we have a rule in our family.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_02: We try not to be on our phones, you know.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_02: So unless, like,
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_02: my husband goes off at me and I'm like,
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_02: I just had to send that reply before I forgot,
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_02: you know, or, you know, I'm not ignoring you.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_02: I just had to get that done.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_02: Otherwise,
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_02: I'm just going to be sitting here through dinner just thinking about I have to reply
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_02: to that, I have to reply to that, I have to reply to that.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_01: Anyway, and then another time I got in trouble,
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, I was actually just transferring money so we could pay for dinner.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, okay.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_02: But we'll sit there and we'll watch and we just observe
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_02: and you can pick like couples on dates who just sit on the phones the whole time.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_02: It's like, really?
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my God.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_01: You know, and or...
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_01: You know,
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_01: like people like their body language or one
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_02: will be on the phone and
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_02: the other one won't.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_02: It just amazes me.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_02: It just truly like you just sit there and you observe.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_02: And I think this is where sometimes,
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_02: you know, that whole be more curious than judgmental comes in.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_02: Ted Lasso is popping in my head.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_02: But, you know, and also, you know, you don't have to judge them.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_02: You can just be like, wow, you know, that's a really interesting dynamic I'm witnessing.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm grateful that's not me.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, absolutely.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_00: You know,
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_00: I found too,
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_00: like one thing as we get older,
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: the more people you meet,
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_00: I have found that some of those people that I was judging pretty harshly,
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_00: when I got to know them a little bit,
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_00: their history,
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_00: their story,
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_00: their reason, well,
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_00: you know,
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_00: their story is too,
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_00: and this would be their excuse or their conclusions that they've drawn due
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_00: to whatever their life experience was.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_00: But what happened to them was pretty...
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_00: There's some amazingly heartbreaking stories that I've heard.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I realized, oh,
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_00: now I understand why you've decided to make this judgment or you've decided
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_00: that this means that.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's what we do, right, as human beings.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_00: We have an experience and we define it.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_00: We say, this means that.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_00: And I can see now why you are the way you are.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_00: And it just brings me back to that curiosity.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_00: Like you were saying, curiosity, a little compassion.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_00: And then we can do it for ourselves.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_00: Because I think for me, the hardest customer is me.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_00: I can be very curious and compassionate with everybody else.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_00: And then when it comes to me, there's a whole other story going on in here, in my head.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that when we can do that for other people,
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_00: and I guess part of that too is about not needing to be right.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_00: You know,
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_00: if I don't have to be right all the time,
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_00: If I can be curious about what's going on,
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_00: then maybe I can find a little bit more compassion, a little more humanity.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_00: And that to me is where there's, then you can start to grow.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_00: That's where that expansion is, magic,
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_00: all those things can happen when we're not stuck in our belief systems
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_00: and our stories and our judgments.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_00: This means that, yeah.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_02: And I feel,
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_02: thank you,
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_02: they're just saying, ask her about the food now and how that links to food.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I come from a history of, so I started dieting when I was eight.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_00: I think I was eight.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, the reason I say that age is because I remember keeping track of my calories
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_00: in my Hello Kitty notebook.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_00: So Hello Kitty,
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_00: whatever age I was,
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_00: was probably about eight years old,
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_00: maybe seven,
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_00: maybe nine,
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_00: around the Now,
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_00: I was born in 1970,
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_00: so the diet culture,
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_00: every single person,
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_00: any woman from that era has got some sort of a diet issue,
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_00: period, because we were raised with it.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_00: But that set me up for a life of eating disorders.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_00: And then going to the film industry, of course, probably didn't help.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_00: Though I was well on my way.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_00: I can't really blame the film industry for my disordered eating.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_00: I really can't.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_00: It was online.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_00: It was on my own.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_00: So my relationship with food was always treacherous.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_00: It was something I feared.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_00: I could use food as a punishment.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_00: I could use food as a reward.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_00: I could use food for everything and escape, numbing, you name it.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_00: And so, yeah,
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_00: so changing that story also,
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_00: I think the toughest thing for me was deciding to give up dieting.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_00: And that wasn't until my 40s when I realized I had a real problem.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_00: This was when I was bulimic at that point, and it was really freaking me out.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I was just looking at my life and thinking, what the hell happened?
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_00: This is just not who I am.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_00: This is not what I was put on this planet for.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_00: I've gone way off track.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I just realized,
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_00: and I actually found Janine Roth, and I've read some of her books, and I decided...
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just going to follow her guidelines, which are really simple.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_00: You know, the guidelines, the first one is eat when you're hungry.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_00: And the second one is stop when you've had enough.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_00: Now, that sounds really normal.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_00: But to someone with disordered eating, that's craziness.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_00: Eat when you're hungry.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, and I start with that when I work with clients now.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_00: That's the one we go with.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_00: We go with eat when you're hungry because it's such a gorgeous opportunity to get
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_00: to know yourself.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_00: Talk about curiosity and compassion, right?
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_00: So let's say it's evening here.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_00: So I could have been noshing while we were watching television.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_00: And if I wasn't hungry, then that principle can pop in and I can ask myself, why am I eating?
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not hungry.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_00: What's going on?
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_00: What's going on?
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_00: I'm literally physically doing something to get my attention right now.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_00: Am I lonely?
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_00: Am I bored?
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_00: Am I tired?
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_00: Am I angry at something?
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_00: What's going on?
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_00: And so that's just an opportunity for self-discovery.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_00: And same thing if you're hungry and you're not letting yourself eat.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_00: What is going on with you?
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_00: Are you a workaholic?
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_00: Are you starving yourself because you have bad self-image?
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_00: Do you have...
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_00: Of course, body image comes into it.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_00: It has to.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_00: Why are you depriving yourself of nourishment?
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_00: And when you think about that,
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_00: if you're depriving yourself of nourishment, that's a big thing to say.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_00: Because you wouldn't do that to another person.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_00: You certainly wouldn't do that to a child.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_00: But you're withholding food?
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_00: That's a violent act in a lot of ways when you think about it.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's certainly a hurtful act.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_00: And so to see yourself doing that opens you up to That curiosity and that compassion
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_00: and that lovingness.
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_00: And I think then it's like, well, sweetheart, what's going on?
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_00: And that's to me, that's where that growth becomes an opportunity.
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_00: Rather than just saying, oh, crap, why am I eating?
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not even hungry.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_00: What's wrong with me?
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_00: Well, you can approach it that way or you can say, honey, what's happening?
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_00: Like, why are you eating?
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_00: You're not hungry.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_00: Well, what's going on with that?
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_00: Tell me more.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_00: And then you have a beautiful relationship starting there.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_02: I understand why I had to ask you that now.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_02: But to me,
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_02: that makes sense because I know if I'm starting to crave a lot of chocolate,
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_02: it's like, oh,
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_02: something's not gelling with me right now,
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_02: or I've depleted my magnesium because something's stressing me to that point.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_02: And sometimes it can be And a lot of
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_02: the time people don't even think maybe there is something imbalanced in my body,
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_02: like actually nutritionally, which is causing me to grab for that food.
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_02: Or maybe it is an emotional, like a crutch.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_02: And that's fine too.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_02: But I love what you said, like if you give yourself permission to eat, it's okay to eat.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_02: You know, and if...
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_02: You know,
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_02: I have this argument sometimes with my husband because he'll go
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_02: on these wild tangents of like,
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_02: all right, I'm cutting out all gluten or like all carbs, right?
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, so I'm there making dinner.
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, just checking in with you today.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_02: What's the latest trend?
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_02: But then he'll come home with a block of chocolate.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like...
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so we're giving up the carbs, but we're having a block of chocolate.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_02: Just checking what page we're on right now.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_02: And I said, I just, I'm like, okay, just, okay.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_02: You know, so, you know, he goes, no, it's important.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, okay, you know, again, like ask those deeper questions, right?
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_02: So, yeah, yeah.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_02: But it just cracks me up every time, but yeah.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_00: It is funny because we're so quick to blame our body or blame, you know, oh, it's the food.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_00: You know, okay, we're going to cut out the carbs, you know.
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_00: And meanwhile, the carbs are just doing the thing.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_00: They're just doing their thing, you know, really.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_00: I mean,
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_00: I remember there was a time when I was working at a Pilates studio and this is
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_00: when Atkins diet was really big.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_00: And one of the other Pilates instructors was like, if you see a vegetable, you eat it.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_00: Just eat it.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_00: Because we were trying to say like, don't do Atkins because Atkins was all about like...
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_00: Eat bacon.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_00: Don't eat your vegetables.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_00: And we were like, eat your vegetables, please eat.
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_00: And then sure enough, Atkins got blown out of the water and it was a joke.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I mean, again, I've done them.
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_00: I've done all those diets and they work a little bit.
• 25:47
  SPEAKER_00: This is the thing.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_00: The diet industry is a billion dollar industry for a reason because it works a little bit.
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_00: And then for every diet,
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_00: this is a Janine Roth thing,
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_00: but I agree with her,
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_00: for every diet,
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_00: for every big restriction that you've gone on,
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_00: you're going to have an equal binge at the end of it.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_00: And this is why,
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_00: you know,
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_00: it's like when people chronically diet,
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_00: they lose weight and then they gain it back with interest.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_00: And then, you know, the only time you want that to happen is with money.
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_00: It can dip, but you want it to come back up again.
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_00: You don't want that.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_00: And you do this a lot with your diet and then You get older and
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_00: then we start wondering why we have heart conditions or why we have osteoporosis
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_00: or why we have these other issues going on with our bodies.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_00: And meanwhile, well, when you were 16, you were starving yourself.
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_00: You were trying to live on 400 calories a day.
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_00: Well, guess what?
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_00: That's going to impact your organs negatively and it's not going to maybe show up
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_00: for 50 years, but the body does keep the score, as that book says.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_00: It really, really, really, really does.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_02: And I try and, well, I eat intuitively.
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_02: So I'll actually trust what my body needs in the moment.
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_02: And I do like muscle testing to test like even supplements because,
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_02: you know,
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_02: we can get into a habit of like,
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_02: I'm just taking these every day because I got told I need to take them or whatever.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_02: But your body's different every single day.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_02: Especially as women, I find we go through bigger cycle changes than men, 100%.
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_02: And, you know, some days I don't want to eat at all and that's okay.
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_02: And then the next day I'll be absolutely starving because maybe I'm going through
• 27:20
  SPEAKER_02: a different point in my cycle and I'm like, all right, I need lots of food today.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_02: Or the next day we're freezing cold.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_02: So my body wants more food and carbs because it's cold.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_02: It just wants to eat more.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_00: I think there's also, I'm sure there's been a study done on it.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_00: I can't recall anything particular.
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_00: But, you know,
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_00: with children,
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_00: I know they've studied this where if you just let the kids eat what they want,
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_00: you just give them all the different foods.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_00: And they eat.
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_00: And then throughout the week, by the end of the week, they've got everything they need.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_00: If you just let them go.
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_00: But some days they're like, they're all about the cheese.
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_00: And that's all they eat is the cheese.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_00: And then other days they're like, they don't even touch it.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_00: And they go for something else because they're just, It's not the priority.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_00: The priority is just listening to their body.
• 28:00
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I want this right now.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_00: As a mom, I could testify for that because
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_02: like my son will go through the banana stage
• 28:09
  SPEAKER_02: and eat like, you know, a kilo of bananas in a week.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, my God, that's a lot of bananas.
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_02: So then the next week you order double the banana.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I get mine like from the farm.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_02: Anyway, so order double the bananas.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_02: And then he's like, oh no, I'm done with bananas this week.
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_02: Capsicum.
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_02: It's like, okay.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_02: Great.
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_02: Great.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_02: All right.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I got one of those.
• 28:32
  SPEAKER_02: So we'll just have to go grab another one, I guess.
• 28:34
  SPEAKER_02: You know, but he'll go through the olives.
• 28:36
  SPEAKER_02: He went through the olive stage and my husband and I don't eat olives.
• 28:39
  SPEAKER_02: So we had like all these.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_02: It was interesting.
• 28:42
  SPEAKER_02: It was interesting.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_00: I think he wanted the saltiness of it as well.
• 28:46
  SPEAKER_00: Because olives are really, that's an odd one for a kid to like.
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_02: So I think...
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I don't.
• 28:53
  SPEAKER_02: So my husband, I don't like them, which is funny because I'm Italian, so it's like hilarious.
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_02: But anyway, so we don't like olives.
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_02: So then we ended up with these jars of olives in our fridge.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_02: What are we going to do with them?
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_02: So it's true.
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_02: Kids will eat intuitively if you let them.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_02: They do get stuck in their cycles as well.
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_02: You know, they'll go through the...
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, sugar is always,
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_00: you know, most kids are not going to be able to stop, you know, for sure.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_00: With that sort of thing.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_00: But I think intuitively we do know.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_00: But then there's just so many, it's very difficult to maintain that, I think, as we get older.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_00: And it's just too easy to blame.
• 29:33
  SPEAKER_00: A diet or a trend or a food.
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_00: Even if there wasn't social media,
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_00: and there is,
• 29:43
  SPEAKER_00: but even if there wasn't, there's still going to be this desire to compare.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's just kind of human nature.
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_00: We're just going to compare and to see like, why don't I have that?
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_00: Why don't I look like that?
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_00: And then and certainly at a young age, because again, I started dieting when I was so young.
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have control over your life, but you can control what you put in your mouth.
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_00: That's the one thing you can control.
• 30:05
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's a great way to gauge how am I doing today?
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 30:25
  SPEAKER_02: This is where I feel the more you listen and tune in to you and what you're about
• 30:29
  SPEAKER_02: to forget her is, you know, choose the growth that works for you.
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_02: Because if you want to go on a diet because your body feels better that way, do that.
• 30:38
  SPEAKER_02: But then don't guilt other people for not doing that as well.
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_02: That's the part that I'm like, but like, I just don't want to eat like you and that's okay.
• 30:47
  SPEAKER_02: You know, that's all right too.
• 30:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I think I'm involved right now with a group of women and I've co-facilitated group.
• 30:55
  SPEAKER_00: It's called the Body Awareness Group.
• 30:57
  SPEAKER_00: And we all,
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_00: what I love about this group of women is,
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_00: you know, some people are really following their macros.
• 31:02
  SPEAKER_00: Some people have like celiac disease.
• 31:05
  SPEAKER_00: They have issues.
• 31:06
  SPEAKER_00: Some people have, well, have different things, different ages.
• 31:09
  SPEAKER_00: I think the youngest is 40 and the oldest is 72.
• 31:12
  SPEAKER_00: Very different things going on in our bodies.
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'm right smack in the middle.
• 31:16
  SPEAKER_00: I'm 55.
• 31:17
  SPEAKER_00: And we talk about everything, hormone replacement.
• 31:19
  SPEAKER_00: We're talking about everything, all these things.
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_00: Some of them are starting menopause and whatnot.
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_00: And we're all figuring it out in our own way.
• 31:26
  SPEAKER_00: And what's so beautiful is we're able to hold space for each other and just
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_00: And there's that other part also that we didn't quite get to that you were talking
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_00: about before with our stories, which is having a witness.
• 31:36
  SPEAKER_00: That's why it's saying, tell the story three times.
• 31:38
  SPEAKER_00: We can witness and hold space for each other,
• 31:41
  SPEAKER_00: but not say, oh, you shouldn't be doing, you shouldn't be counting your macros.
• 31:44
  SPEAKER_00: Because to me, it sounds like a diet, but that's not for me to say.
• 31:48
  SPEAKER_00: That's my own opinion.
• 31:49
  SPEAKER_00: She's thriving in this system that she's working with a nutritionist.
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_00: It's working for her.
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_00: Great.
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_00: And we'll hold space for that.
• 31:58
  SPEAKER_00: And we'll learn when we see when she has rough moments and she turns to the sugar
• 32:03
  SPEAKER_00: for comfort or for numbing or for whatever reason.
• 32:06
  SPEAKER_00: And then we watch her come back.
• 32:08
  SPEAKER_00: And what happens with that is she learns each time.
• 32:12
  SPEAKER_00: And we witness it.
• 32:13
  SPEAKER_00: And we learn with her.
• 32:15
  SPEAKER_00: And it's such a beautiful thing about having community around you when you're
• 32:20
  SPEAKER_00: Because just listening to yourself,
• 32:22
  SPEAKER_00: like you say, oh, just intuitively listen to your body, which I agree with 100%.
• 32:26
  SPEAKER_00: And boy, can it be messy.
• 32:28
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 32:29
  SPEAKER_02: The information is not always so clear.
• 32:31
  SPEAKER_02: So I've learned to say, can I have this food today?
• 32:36
  SPEAKER_02: And then I ask, should I have this food today?
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_02: Because I really want that dark chocolate that I put in the fridge for later.
• 32:43
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe I shouldn't have that today because
• 32:47
  SPEAKER_02: I've had way too much or something.
• 32:52
  SPEAKER_02: So I asked two ways and I met someone and he did it three ways.
• 32:57
  SPEAKER_02: He would test if it was okay with And then he would test if he should have it.
• 33:02
  SPEAKER_02: And then he would test,
• 33:03
  SPEAKER_02: will it increase my energy or decrease my energy,
• 33:06
  SPEAKER_02: which I thought was really interesting too.
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_02: But again, you just play with and see what feels fun and have fun with it and laugh about it.
• 33:15
  SPEAKER_02: It's like, oh yeah, I forgot to ask the should question.
• 33:18
  SPEAKER_02: So I ate a whole block of chocolate and then realized maybe I shouldn't have done that.
• 33:23
  SPEAKER_00: That's right.
• 33:23
  SPEAKER_00: That's right.
• 33:24
  SPEAKER_00: And then you say, welcome to the human race.
• 33:26
  SPEAKER_00: And- Fortunately, it wasn't a big deal.
• 33:28
  SPEAKER_00: It was only a block.
• 33:29
  SPEAKER_00: It's not a big deal.
• 33:30
  SPEAKER_00: Could have been a lot worse.
• 33:33
  SPEAKER_02: I'm someone that I,
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_02: because I cut out so much sugar,
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_02: like if I have too much sugar, like I'll just feel really sick.
• 33:39
  SPEAKER_02: So I know where my limit is.
• 33:41
  SPEAKER_02: Whereas I met like my husband, he can polish a whole block in one sitting.
• 33:45
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, wow, that's incredible.
• 33:47
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I don't know how you do that.
• 33:49
  SPEAKER_02: But as we start to finish the time up,
• 33:52
  SPEAKER_02: I ask the guests that come on the show,
• 33:54
  SPEAKER_02: if you could heal or change something in the world, what would it be?
• 33:57
  SPEAKER_00: I know.
• 33:58
  SPEAKER_00: I was thinking about this question.
• 34:01
  SPEAKER_00: I think it would be kind of what we're talking about,
• 34:03
  SPEAKER_00: about being a little bit more curious with other people.
• 34:06
  SPEAKER_00: I think giving people a little bit more Space or grace, finding more tolerance.
• 34:12
  SPEAKER_00: I think just creating a little bit more space for everybody just to be who they are
• 34:18
  SPEAKER_00: before we jump to defining who they are or how they should behave and all
• 34:23
  SPEAKER_00: of those things.
• 34:24
  SPEAKER_00: And that includes ourselves.
• 34:26
  SPEAKER_00: So I think if we could be a little gentler with ourselves,
• 34:29
  SPEAKER_00: a little more curious, give ourselves a little bit more space.
• 34:33
  SPEAKER_00: I think that...
• 34:35
  SPEAKER_00: I think we would have a much better impact on this planet than the harshness
• 34:39
  SPEAKER_00: that I see a lot these days.
• 34:42
  SPEAKER_02: Agreed.
• 34:42
  SPEAKER_02: And we are our own worst critic, right?
• 34:44
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know who said that, but I so agree with it.
• 34:47
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
• 34:48
  SPEAKER_02: It's like, yeah, why do you treat yourself that way but not everybody else?
• 34:52
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 34:52
  SPEAKER_00: I know.
• 34:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's part of the reason we do the work we do,
• 34:55
  SPEAKER_00: I think, is because we've been so hard on ourselves.
• 34:58
  SPEAKER_00: And we know that as much pain as we've been through is nothing compared to
• 35:01
  SPEAKER_00: the pain we've heaped on ourselves.
• 35:04
  SPEAKER_00: So if the less pain that someone else can feel because of something that I figured out, great.
• 35:10
  SPEAKER_00: Let me share what I've learned and save you the pain.
• 35:13
  SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
• 35:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 35:15
  SPEAKER_00: Make a little bit of a better place.
• 35:17
  SPEAKER_02: It's like, let me shortcut that for you because I've been through that.
• 35:23
  SPEAKER_02: Let me share my story.
• 35:24
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 35:26
  SPEAKER_02: And then you don't have to live that.
• 35:28
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, exactly.
• 35:29
  SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
• 35:30
  SPEAKER_02: And if people want to connect with you,
• 35:32
  SPEAKER_02: Brigada,
• 35:33
  SPEAKER_02: or come and find out about what you do, where's the best place they can head?
• 35:37
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for asking.
• 35:39
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, my website, BrigitteofDao.com.
• 35:41
  SPEAKER_00: I'm really approachable and I respond to every email that comes through.
• 35:44
  SPEAKER_00: Also, for anybody following me on socials, I'm on Brigitte Dao Coaching.
• 35:48
  SPEAKER_00: That's Facebook or Instagram and I read all my DMs and I respond to everything.
• 35:52
  SPEAKER_00: So, like I said, I'm very approachable.
• 35:54
  SPEAKER_00: I work online with people all over the world.
• 35:57
  SPEAKER_00: So, I would love to hear from people and see if there's any way we can work together.
• 36:01
  SPEAKER_02: Amazing.
• 36:02
  SPEAKER_02: And I'll put all those details in the show notes below.
• 36:05
  SPEAKER_02: If you're driving, please just click on them later.
• 36:09
  SPEAKER_02: That's right.
• 36:10
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 36:10
  SPEAKER_02: And thank you,
• 36:11
  SPEAKER_02: Brigada,
• 36:12
  SPEAKER_02: for this conversation and for sharing just your journey on so many different levels.
• 36:17
  SPEAKER_02: And yeah, I feel like we had a very interesting conversation.
• 36:20
  SPEAKER_02: I had no idea where it was going to go, but I'm glad we went where we went.
• 36:23
  SPEAKER_00: I am too.
• 36:24
  SPEAKER_00: It was so much fun.
• 36:25
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for taking the time to have me on.
• 36:26
  SPEAKER_00: I really enjoyed talking with you.
• 36:28
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 36:29
  SPEAKER_02: And for everyone listening, if you enjoyed this episode, as always, like, share and subscribe.
• 36:33
  SPEAKER_02: And if you want the episodes as they come out, please feel free to follow.
• 36:36
  SPEAKER_02: So until next time, thank you.
• 36:38
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, beautiful souls.
• 36:39
  SPEAKER_01: It is Catherine Crestani here,
• 36:41
  SPEAKER_01: and I wanted to have a chat with you about a really
• 36:43
  SPEAKER_02: amazing cacao that I drink
• 36:46
  SPEAKER_02: to help me get in ceremony,
• 36:48
  SPEAKER_02: to help me ground, but also just because it tastes freaking good.
• 36:51
  SPEAKER_02: So if you're curious and want to know about drinking something other than coffee
• 36:55
  SPEAKER_02: or your standard tea, why not check out Creation Cacao?
• 37:00
  SPEAKER_02: I love this with a bit of honey and cinnamon sprinkled in and sugar.
• 37:05
  SPEAKER_02: Just letting it brew and having that whole intention as you create this cup.
• 37:10
  SPEAKER_02: So if you're curious and want to know more,
• 37:12
  SPEAKER_02: check out the link in the show notes and in the bio
• 37:16
  SPEAKER_01: and enjoy your cup of cacao.
• 37:18
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for listening to Willow Healing Matters, the podcast.
• 37:21
  SPEAKER_01: We have so much love and gratitude that you have taken the time out of your day
• 37:25
  SPEAKER_01: to empower you on your healing journey.
• 37:28
  SPEAKER_01: The views shared by the person being interviewed might not necessarily reflect that
• 37:33
  SPEAKER_01: of the host and should be used in your own discernment.
• 37:36
  SPEAKER_01: Trust what resonates with you and follow your heart and soul guidance.
• 37:40
  SPEAKER_01: If you have any underlying medical conditions or mental health issues,
• 37:43
  SPEAKER_01: This can be found in the show notes.
• 37:45
  SPEAKER_01: Remember to activate, align, heal, empower and find love in everything that you do.