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When "Adulting" Gets Messy: Teamwork and Grace in Marriage · Doing Marriage Well

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  Doing Marriage Well for September 7, 2026 When adulting gets messy,
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  teamwork and grace in marriage This week I want to talk about adulting.
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  By that I mean doing the things that need to be done, including at times hard things.
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  I can't adult is a humorous way the younger generation expresses how hard it
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  can be to do what needs to be done.
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  But failure to adult has been around a lot longer.
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  Marriage when either person adults is going to be a very messy thing.
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  When it's mostly one person, the other is likely to be very frustrated.
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  Neither results in a healthy marriage.
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  Before I get too far into what it means to adult, I want to deal with unreasonable expectations.
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  When I was young, you were expected to have a perfect home at all times,
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  regardless of what was happening in your life.
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  This put a lot of pressure on people, and especially on the wife.
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  What we should aim for is balance. Sometimes life is crazy, and you have to let a few things go.
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  Never going to bed with dishes in the sink is a great goal.
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  But if you're a slave to that, a good thing becomes a bad thing.
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  And if your spouse expects you to do the dishes before bed, even when you're
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  physically, mentally, or emotionally exhausted, that's getting uncomfortably close to abuse.
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  The great thing is you have two adults in your marriage, and when one can't
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  do their part, the other can help out.
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  Lori has been sick for more than a month, so I'm doing most of what she usually
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  does, plus taking care of her.
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  I've been working a lot on balance. Fortunately, my wife is very reasonable.
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  She doesn't expect me to do things the way she would.
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  Additionally, she has encouraged me to take care of myself, which includes sometimes
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  letting something go for a while.
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  For my part, I've done some things I don't care about or wouldn't care about
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  for another week or two because I know doing them blessed her.
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  Adulting should be a joint effort in your marriage, and it should flow and shift as life changes.
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  Saying, I can't adult today, is an acceptable thing to say. as long as you don't
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  say it too often or expect too much when you say it.
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  This is Paul, and adulting well looks different for every couple.