Latest / Age Like a Badass Mother / Ep. 32: Lauren Bernick - The Experience of Losing a Parent and Season 2 Wrap-up

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Ep. 32: Lauren Bernick - The Experience of Losing a Parent and Season 2 Wrap-up · Age Like a Badass Mother

• 0:00
  Hi friends, I'm Lauren Bernick and I'm flipping the script about growing older.
• 0:06
  My guests have been influencers since before that was even a thing.
• 0:10
  Welcome to the anti Anti-Aging podcast.
• 0:15
  Welcome to age like a badass mother.
• 0:19
  Hi, friends, it's Lauren.
• 0:22
  I'm doing, well.
• 0:25
  Really? I'm wrapping up season two, and I.
• 0:28
  I just want to thank you for listening.
• 0:31
  I when I look at the numbers each week, I mean, and they're growing and I appreciate that that I know you're sharing with your friends.
• 0:38
  But when I look at the numbers, I just literally try to picture that many people.
• 0:44
  And I try to picture your faces, and I want you to know that it means something to me.
• 0:50
  This is my dream, being able to share good information with you, about aging well and staying healthy until the end.
• 0:59
  So you know, it's you're just not a number.
• 1:02
  Your, listener to me, a friend.
• 1:05
  And I really, really appreciate that.
• 1:06
  And I want you to know that and know how much I appreciate you.
• 1:11
  So season two.
• 1:13
  I cannot believe the great guests we had.
• 1:17
  If you'll go back and listen, if you haven't yet, chef AJ, my good friend, chef AJ, she was phenomenal talking about lasting weight loss.
• 1:27
  She's just had such a life.
• 1:31
  And I hope that you'll give a listen to her.
• 1:34
  John Mackey, the founder of Whole Foods.
• 1:37
  He was just shockingly open and, refreshing and full of good information.
• 1:43
  He was not at all what I expected.
• 1:45
  His book was phenomenal, the whole story.
• 1:48
  So if you'll go back and listen to that one, if you haven't listened yet, Trish Murphy, like incredible musician that if you're from Texas, you know her.
• 1:58
  You might know her outside of Texas too.
• 2:00
  But I mean, she was she's just, like, so full of life and full of good information.
• 2:08
  And she's 60 years old.
• 2:10
  You have to look at her.
• 2:12
  She is gorgeous.
• 2:14
  And still just rocking her ass off.
• 2:16
  So, give a listen to Trish Murphy if you haven't doctor Joel Furman.
• 2:22
  I mean, I don't have to tell you who Doctor Joel Furman is, but he really knows his stuff.
• 2:27
  I also loved Candice Thomas.
• 2:30
  She talked.
• 2:30
  Her book is your vitality.
• 2:33
  What is it called? Your vitality?
• 2:36
  Personality. Sorry, Candice.
• 2:39
  Your vitality. Personality.
• 2:41
  And that was really, really eye opening.
• 2:44
  She talked a lot about, you know, your higher self and your lowest self and where you operate from.
• 2:50
  And you can take a quiz and find out, you know, what archetype you are, and then you know, follow the steps to make sure you're living at your highest self. There were so many.
• 3:00
  So just go back and look through and give a listen if you haven't.
• 3:03
  But I really appreciate you.
• 3:06
  We're going to take a little break through January and do some reruns from season one.
• 3:11
  Some of my favorite episodes, with my dear friend Lisa Rice.
• 3:15
  And we're going to do a little rebranding the movie back in February.
• 3:19
  I need to bank up some episodes.
• 3:23
  And I want to tell you why I don't have a lot of episodes banked up right now.
• 3:28
  I recently lost my mother.
• 3:31
  She died a couple of days before Thanksgiving, and I've talked to.
• 3:36
  I know I shared with you that she was on hospice, so, I was just running my ass off back and forth between Austin, where I live in Houston, where she lived, and that's a three hour drive in each direction.
• 3:49
  And I was just, you know, understandably struggling to keep my head above water and keep the wheels moving.
• 3:59
  And, you know, I had a cancel a lot of interviews or reschedule them.
• 4:04
  But I kind of wanted to share a little bit about the experience of losing my mom because I feel like it's common at this age.
• 4:15
  If you are lucky, if you have not lost your parents early in life, and I am lucky my my dad's still alive, I did lose my stepfather 24 years ago.
• 4:27
  He was very important to me.
• 4:30
  But, you know, lose.
• 4:32
  Losing your mom's like, it's next level.
• 4:35
  And, I think that, you know, I'm a Gen Xer.
• 4:41
  I think it might be a common experience of having a complicated relationship with your parents.
• 4:47
  Just as the way we were parented on a whole as generation X, but my mother, Linda, was a larger than life character, and my friends were all afraid of her when we were younger.
• 5:05
  But when we were teenagers, she, ingratiated herself by letting us drink and smoke at my house.
• 5:13
  I mean, from the time we were, like 15 years old.
• 5:16
  I remember my mother.
• 5:17
  I've kind of talked about this before.
• 5:19
  My mother caught me smoking out of my bathroom window, and she and my stepfather both smoked, and she caught me smoking out of my bathroom window when I was like 14, 15.
• 5:30
  I don't know, it was terrible.
• 5:33
  This is here you're getting your health advice from.
• 5:35
  She caught me smoking and she was a New Yorker and she walked in, saw me smoking, and she's like, what are you doing?
• 5:44
  Smoking. All right, come downstairs.
• 5:46
  You could smoke.
• 5:47
  Just don't smoke outside the house like a common whore.
• 5:51
  But you could smoke in the house.
• 5:52
  That's fine. Helps you keep your weight down.
• 5:55
  That was her, reasoning.
• 5:58
  So, so my friends would come over, she'd make us a pitcher of margaritas.
• 6:03
  We were 15.
• 6:04
  Keep in mind 16.
• 6:06
  Maybe they could drive over there.
• 6:06
  Even worse.
• 6:08
  But then she would, like, start taking advantage of my friends, like, well, if you can lean, you can clean.
• 6:14
  Grab a sponge.
• 6:16
  Mike, you go out to the garage and sweep.
• 6:19
  I mean, she always had, like, a job for somebody to do, but, you know, then my friends kind of came around to her.
• 6:24
  They weren't so afraid of her.
• 6:26
  They realized she just had that, like, gruff exterior and kind of in the middle and, She, you know, I'm just.
• 6:37
  I'm obviously going to miss her a lot, even though we did have a complicated experience.
• 6:42
  I've just been thinking about her so much lately because I feel like in maybe the year before she passed away, it was so much just managing her logistics.
• 6:55
  Day to day.
• 6:57
  I feel like I was in charge of her life.
• 7:01
  Basically, it was like having a very nice, cute little child, a very demanding, not cute little child.
• 7:08
  And, you know, I just wanted to to do right by her and make sure that she had.
• 7:16
  What she needed and that she was well taken care of.
• 7:19
  I mean, she she was a good mother in, in many regards, even though she was difficult.
• 7:24
  But, you know, she was also my cautionary tale.
• 7:27
  I've also talked about this.
• 7:29
  She for years now, I think maybe she had a heart attack probably about six years ago.
• 7:35
  I think it was her second heart attack.
• 7:37
  She was just my cautionary tale.
• 7:38
  She was on ten different medications, had two heart attacks.
• 7:42
  You know, she had smoked for 60 years.
• 7:45
  She was pretty sedentary.
• 7:47
  She lived on the Atkins diet, which was just high fat, high protein, the precursor to the keto diet.
• 7:56
  So she lived a really unhealthy lifestyle.
• 7:59
  So after her.
• 8:00
  Well, let me tell you about her second heart attack.
• 8:03
  I don't really remember much about the first.
• 8:05
  She was intubated.
• 8:06
  I know that she was intubated.
• 8:08
  Her second heart attack, because after that she told me, don't ever let them do that to me again.
• 8:12
  But when she had her second heart attack six years ago.
• 8:17
  This is my mother in a nutshell.
• 8:19
  She was intubated, she was unconscious.
• 8:22
  And for some reason, the doctor came in and thought it would be a good idea to just be really truthful with her.
• 8:28
  And he looked down at her and he said, you're going to die, okay?
• 8:35
  I was like, are you kidding me?
• 8:36
  Get the hell out of her room.
• 8:37
  I took him out in the hallway and I said, I don't know why you.
• 8:41
  Oh, and her eyeballs popped open.
• 8:44
  She was unconscious, right?
• 8:45
  She was unconscious.
• 8:46
  He yelled, she's going to die. Her eyeballs pop open.
• 8:49
  They got huge.
• 8:50
  She couldn't talk because, you know, she she was intubated and I told him to get the hell out of the room.
• 8:56
  And I was like, why did you do that to her?
• 8:58
  And he said, she needs to know the truth.
• 9:00
  And I'm like, you know what?
• 9:02
  You're an asshole and you don't know what she needs to know.
• 9:05
  Why would you tell that to somebody?
• 9:07
  And I'm like, also, buddy, you have no idea who you're dealing with.
• 9:11
  Absolutely no idea.
• 9:14
  And true enough, she got well.
• 9:18
  Well enough to leave the hospital.
• 9:19
  She knew she was never quite the same, but she said, we'll meet past that doctor.
• 9:24
  The one that told me I was going to die.
• 9:26
  I have something to say to him.
• 9:28
  I was like, okay, so we asked for the doctor.
• 9:30
  We find him, he comes.
• 9:32
  I'm like, you remember this lady that you screamed in her face, she's going to die.
• 9:35
  And he's like, yeah.
• 9:37
  And I said, well, she's not dying.
• 9:39
  She's getting wheeled out of here, she's going home, and she wants to tell you something.
• 9:43
  And he and she's like, fuck you very much.
• 9:47
  And I'm like, oh my God, mom, you could phrase that a little nicer.
• 9:51
  She's like, okay, I'm sorry, but you know, you shouldn't have said that to me.
• 9:54
  And he goes, okay, I changed my diagnosis.
• 9:57
  I change my prognosis.
• 9:57
  I'm like, oh my God.
• 10:01
  So that was my mom and in a nutshell, you never told her what she was going to do.
• 10:05
  You never told her how she was going to be.
• 10:08
  And I'm also going to tell you there's a lot of power in your beliefs, and we've talked about that.
• 10:17
  But, you know, she also she had a tumor in her lung and she just kept saying, I don't have cancer.
• 10:23
  I don't have cancer.
• 10:24
  I was like, well, okay, fine.
• 10:26
  And so, she had had that tumor radiated before.
• 10:31
  And then it came back.
• 10:32
  And her doctor, her oncologist told me, you know, this is also around six years ago.
• 10:38
  The oncologist told me, no, maybe like four years ago, we can't radiated again.
• 10:43
  We can't do anything. We can't operate.
• 10:45
  But just keep bringing her in for Pet scan every six months.
• 10:48
  And I'm like, why?
• 10:49
  He's like, well, so we can keep an eye on it.
• 10:51
  And I'm like, why do you need to keep an eye on it?
• 10:54
  If you can't do anything about it?
• 10:56
  And he just gave me some ridiculous answer and I said, you know what?
• 11:01
  We're not going to come back because there's nothing to be done.
• 11:04
  And why am I going to drag her here for a Pet scan?
• 11:08
  It's just so hard to get her in and out of the car.
• 11:10
  She has a lot of pain in her leg.
• 11:11
  She had venous insufficiency, bad circulation, I mean, you name it.
• 11:15
  So I didn't bring her back to the doctor.
• 11:18
  And when she, got really sick this last time, she, I they did a chest X-ray, and they said.
• 11:28
  I said, you know, she has a tumor in her lung, and they're like, where?
• 11:31
  And, she just totally forgot about this tumor in her lung because I stopped taking her to the doctor and we just didn't talk about it.
• 11:38
  And her memory wasn't great.
• 11:41
  And so, the funny thing is, they were like, oh, yeah, I see it.
• 11:46
  It's really small.
• 11:47
  And they looked and it was exactly the same size is when we stopped going to the doctor.
• 11:51
  So there's so much power in your mind and you have so much control over what's going on.
• 11:57
  But anyway, you know, after her second heart attack, she was really weakened, but she was able to go back home.
• 12:03
  She lived in an independent living place.
• 12:06
  She had some caregivers and she enjoyed her life.
• 12:10
  She mostly sat in a recliner and watched the King of Queens and Reba and Mike and Molly, and she got wheeled down to the dining room.
• 12:19
  First she was on a walker, then, you know, progressed to a wheelchair, got real down to talk to her friends at dinner.
• 12:25
  And, you know, she enjoyed her life.
• 12:27
  Until about three months ago, she had an episode that ended her up in the hospital.
• 12:35
  She had been on oxygen after her second heart attack.
• 12:39
  And then a year ago, she decided she didn't need oxygen anymore.
• 12:43
  And you cannot argue with this woman.
• 12:45
  So we took her off her oxygen.
• 12:46
  She really did seem fine.
• 12:48
  Until three months ago, I had just moved her to an independent, out of her independent living into an assisted living place.
• 12:57
  She needed more care and variety of reasons.
• 13:02
  She was running through all of her money, and, anyway, put her in this assisted living place.
• 13:10
  It was beautiful. Very nice.
• 13:12
  I don't think she was getting exactly all the care she needed.
• 13:15
  That's another story.
• 13:16
  But, you know, my sister was there checking on her every day, and, Anyway, long story short, she had this episode.
• 13:24
  They came in to get her in the morning for breakfast, and she was really loopy and kind of unresponsive.
• 13:30
  And so apparently she wasn't able to push the CO2 out of her body and she wasn't getting enough oxygen.
• 13:37
  And from there, it was just in and out from the hospital to a skilled nursing home to recuperate back to the hospital.
• 13:43
  Just she never went home again.
• 13:45
  She ended up like a month ago, being on hospice at the skilled nursing facility.
• 13:52
  And, you know, the hospice did a good job until, I guess it was the night before she passed.
• 14:01
  I don't even know what happened.
• 14:04
  You know, my sister again was checking on her in Houston every day and doing a really good job.
• 14:09
  I don't think that she understood.
• 14:12
  Nobody knew.
• 14:12
  Not even the nurses.
• 14:13
  Like the nurses noticed the day before that she was running low on her medication. She.
• 14:19
  My mom was allergic to everything.
• 14:20
  She couldn't have morphine.
• 14:21
  She was on Dilaudid, and I don't know why.
• 14:25
  I don't really know what the.
• 14:26
  There was some miscommunication.
• 14:28
  She was running out of, medicine.
• 14:32
  Pain medicine.
• 14:33
  And by the time this came to my attention, it was like, oh, your mom only has one dose?
• 14:39
  No, your mom has, like 2 or 3 doses left, so I called the hospice.
• 14:45
  They're like, yes, we're on it, no problem.
• 14:47
  And then the nurses kept calling me when I went home for the evening in Houston to my friend's house to spend the night.
• 14:54
  They were like, we don't have any more medication.
• 14:57
  We don't.
• 14:57
  They keep saying it's on its way, everything's fine, but it's not coming.
• 15:01
  And let me tell you, I called this hospice.
• 15:04
  It was probably nine, 10: 00 at night.
• 15:06
  It was probably nine, 10: I went full terms of endearment on these people.
• 15:10
  It was probably nine, 10: I just can't even begin to tell you.
• 15:13
  It was probably nine, 10: But finally, you know, within a few hours, they had the medication there.
• 15:20
  It was probably nine, 10: You just have to advocate for them.
• 15:22
  It was probably nine, 10: If you're in this situation, you have to have somebody check on them.
• 15:26
  It was probably nine, 10: It was just heartbreaking.
• 15:29
  It was probably nine, 10: I just crashed.
• 15:30
  It was probably nine, 10: Luckily, she didn't end up suffering.
• 15:32
  It was probably nine, 10: She was just so knocked out.
• 15:34
  It was probably nine, 10: But you know, I just want to tell you the things I learned to get a power of attorney and a medical directive and a will from your parents while they're still able to do that.
• 15:47
  It was probably nine, 10: Have your parents add your name to everything bank accounts, mortgages, credit cards so you don't have to execute a will.
• 15:55
  It was probably nine, 10: If you have to execute the will, of course, like $5,000.
• 15:58
  It was probably nine, 10: But if you're the beneficiary for everything, if you're the power of attorney.
• 16:03
  It was probably nine, 10: So you could talk to, you know, people when you have to ask a question about their credit card or whatever.
• 16:10
  It was probably nine, 10: But try to get your parents to let you put their, their names on everything.
• 16:15
  It was probably nine, 10: Your name on everything.
• 16:16
  It was probably nine, 10: And, you know, I'm looking back at these videos and things over the last three months, and I just, I it it hurts me for me.
• 16:28
  It was probably nine, 10: Like, I just look like, you know, I was compartmentalizing, which I was.
• 16:33
  It was probably nine, 10: And what can you do except for go through it and feel your feelings and it's very, very, very difficult.
• 16:41
  It was probably nine, 10: And, I just felt like I really wanted to share this because if you're going through this too, you know, or you will go through this, it's it's okay.
• 16:52
  It was probably nine, 10: You know, just do the best you can.
• 16:54
  It was probably nine, 10: Feel your feelings, be exhausted, take a nap when you have to.
• 16:59
  It was probably nine, 10: Be really gentle on yourself.
• 17:01
  It was probably nine, 10: Wrap up on the couch and watch a mindless, you know, Netflix thing.
• 17:08
  It was probably nine, 10: But some really cool things happen, too.
• 17:10
  It was probably nine, 10: And I want to tell you this wild story, that always reminds you to watch for the magic.
• 17:18
  It was probably nine, 10: And I talked about this with Candice Thomas.
• 17:21
  It was probably nine, 10: An episode in, her episode, your, vitality.
• 17:26
  It was probably nine, 10: Personality.
• 17:27
  It was probably nine, 10: She's very, you know, into looking for the magic in life.
• 17:32
  It was probably nine, 10: And so two, I guess it was about two weeks before my mom died.
• 17:36
  It was probably nine, 10: I was driving in the car doing some crying, and my my head started tingling.
• 17:44
  It was probably nine, 10: And I have, you know, had episodes where I feel like people from the other side are communicating with me.
• 17:52
  It was probably nine, 10: I don't know how to control it or really.
• 17:54
  It was probably nine, 10: I mean, everybody feels people around them who have passed.
• 17:58
  It was probably nine, 10: But my thing is, my head always starts tingling.
• 18:01
  It was probably nine, 10: And so I'm driving, I'm crying, I'm feeling all my feelings, and I'm like, who?
• 18:07
  It was probably nine, 10: Who is that?
• 18:08
  It was probably nine, 10: Who is that? And I don't know why this popped into my head, but I said, ABA, is that you?
• 18:13
  It was probably nine, 10: ABA is what I called my stepfather.
• 18:17
  It was probably nine, 10: And I was like, I, I don't know who that is.
• 18:21
  It was probably nine, 10: I don't know what you're trying to say, but okay. What?
• 18:23
  It was probably nine, 10: I feel you.
• 18:24
  It was probably nine, 10: And so I go back to my mom's house.
• 18:27
  It was probably nine, 10: I was packing her up.
• 18:27
  It was probably nine, 10: I was moving her stuff.
• 18:30
  It was probably nine, 10: I was having the realization that this woman is not going back to her assisted living facility.
• 18:35
  It was probably nine, 10: She's going to end up dying in the the nursing facility.
• 18:39
  It was probably nine, 10: So now it's like, you know, eight hours later, I'm driving back to my friend Nikki's house.
• 18:44
  It was probably nine, 10: I always spent the night at her house in Houston, when I was staying overnight to be with my mom.
• 18:50
  It was probably nine, 10: And I'm driving and I'm crying again, and my head starts tingling, and I'm like, ABBA, is that you?
• 18:56
  It was probably nine, 10: I don't I don't know if that's you.
• 18:57
  It was probably nine, 10: I don't know what you want to tell me.
• 18:59
  It was probably nine, 10: And I'm like, let me know if that's you.
• 19:02
  It was probably nine, 10: And I swear to God, hand to God.
• 19:06
  It was probably nine, 10: I look over out my car window and the car next to me.
• 19:11
  It was probably nine, 10: It was a truck next to me pulling a carousel, actually, and it said events by ABBA.
• 19:17
  It was probably nine, 10: And I'm like, well, okay then I guess, I guess that's you.
• 19:22
  It was probably nine, 10: I guess you really are trying to tell me.
• 19:24
  It was probably nine, 10: And I, you know, I just listen to like, what do I think he's trying to tell me?
• 19:29
  It was probably nine, 10: And I think he was just trying to come for me and tell me I'm going to be there, you know, to get your mom and everything's going to be okay.
• 19:37
  It was probably nine, 10: And I'll be there to greet her and receive her, and it's all going to be okay.
• 19:42
  It was probably nine, 10: And it was so beautiful.
• 19:45
  It was probably nine, 10: Like, that was just one of the times I, I had so many beautiful experiences during this.
• 19:52
  It was probably nine, 10: And, you know, even though, like I said, my mom was difficult and she was a force and she loved me.
• 20:00
  It was probably nine, 10: I always felt loved by her.
• 20:02
  It was probably nine, 10: And when she was in hospice, my sister and I, it was probably about around this same time, maybe a week or two before she died.
• 20:11
  It was probably nine, 10: And of course, we were holding her hands and she wasn't really responsive at this point.
• 20:16
  It was probably nine, 10: Maybe it was a week, a week out.
• 20:18
  It was probably nine, 10: And she wasn't super responsive.
• 20:20
  It was probably nine, 10: We were each holding her hand and we were like, you were a great mother.
• 20:24
  It was probably nine, 10: We love you. There's nothing unsaid.
• 20:27
  It was probably nine, 10: You know, we're going to be okay.
• 20:30
  It was probably nine, 10: And, we said, you know, ABBA is waiting for you.
• 20:36
  It was probably nine, 10: And John, which was her last husband.
• 20:36
  It was probably nine, 10: She had three husband.
• 20:39
  It was probably nine, 10: She was quite the woman.
• 20:41
  It was probably nine, 10: So we said, your parents and ABBA and John are waiting for you.
• 20:46
  It was probably nine, 10: And her eyes popped open and again, she had been unresponsive and we said, they're waiting for you.
• 20:50
  It was probably nine, 10: And she said, where?
• 20:52
  It was probably nine, 10: And we said, on the other side, do you want to go be with them?
• 20:56
  It was probably nine, 10: Which she's like, no.
• 21:00
  It was probably nine, 10: It's so oh, it was two weeks out because she lived for another two weeks.
• 21:05
  It was probably nine, 10: We're like, damn, this woman. It's tough.
• 21:07
  It was probably nine, 10: And, all the hospice nurses were like, we cannot believe this woman is still alive.
• 21:12
  It was probably nine, 10: She has all the signs of, like, you are about to die.
• 21:17
  It was probably nine, 10: And she just wouldn't let go.
• 21:18
  It was probably nine, 10: For whatever reason, she wasn't ready.
• 21:21
  It was probably nine, 10: And, so, again, I feel like people have a lot more, agency over when they're going to go.
• 21:29
  It was probably nine, 10: And so the day that she passed, I sat with her on her bed, and I, she was really cold.
• 21:38
  It was probably nine, 10: So I had her blanket pulled up over her, and I was holding her hand above the blanket, so, you know, wouldn't be cold.
• 21:44
  It was probably nine, 10: And she started moving her hand around.
• 21:47
  It was probably nine, 10: And again, she had been unresponsive and not eating or drinking for for a time now.
• 21:51
  It was probably nine, 10: And so she was started just moving her hand.
• 21:54
  It was probably nine, 10: And I was like, oh, you want to hold hands below the blanket?
• 21:57
  It was probably nine, 10: You want me to hold your hand?
• 21:59
  It was probably nine, 10: And she I held her hand and she squeeze my hand really hard.
• 22:03
  It was probably nine, 10: And so, you know, I said again, all the things that I, I know she wanted to hear and all the things that I wanted to tell her, all, all nice things.
• 22:15
  It was probably nine, 10: No need to rehash anything at this point.
• 22:18
  It was probably nine, 10: And, then my sister came and, you know, we went out in the hallway to, handle some business.
• 22:26
  It was probably nine, 10: I was actually trying to make some arrangements at the funeral home because I just knew it was inevitable.
• 22:32
  It was probably nine, 10: And, the nurse came and she said, I think your mom has passed.
• 22:38
  It was probably nine, 10: You should go back in the room.
• 22:41
  It was probably nine, 10: And so, sure enough, she had passed, and, it was, you know, all the emotions.
• 22:48
  It was probably nine, 10: I can't even tell you, but I have to say there was a huge sense of relief because I.
• 22:56
  It was probably nine, 10: She knew it.
• 22:57
  It was probably nine, 10: I don't think she was really suffering at the end, which I'm so grateful for because she had COPD.
• 23:01
  It was probably nine, 10: She had everything, as I was saying, congestive heart failure and COPD.
• 23:05
  It was probably nine, 10: The woman had been living on 20% heart and lung function for six years.
• 23:10
  It was probably nine, 10: You want to talk about a badass in the greatest way, but stubborn and on her terms.
• 23:15
  It was probably nine, 10: But anyway, it was kind of a relief because I was going back and forth to Houston sometimes three times a week, and I was absolutely at my wit's end, exhausted.
• 23:29
  It was probably nine, 10: And, you know, the Jews were Jewish.
• 23:34
  It was probably nine, 10: The Jews bury quickly.
• 23:37
  It was probably nine, 10: And I have to say, I really think that they're on to something because she died on a Tuesday.
• 23:44
  It was probably nine, 10: We had her buried by Friday.
• 23:46
  It was probably nine, 10: This is the week of Thanksgiving.
• 23:48
  It was probably nine, 10: So she died on a Tuesday.
• 23:50
  It was probably nine, 10: I called the funeral home and I'm like, look, I know it's Thanksgiving week, but my mom needs to be in the ground fast.
• 23:56
  It was probably nine, 10: And they were like, look, that can't happen.
• 23:58
  It was probably nine, 10: I was like, let me tell you what's going to happen.
• 24:01
  It was probably nine, 10: And I'm not really usually a very forceful person, but I knew it would mean a lot to her.
• 24:08
  It was probably nine, 10: I knew she didn't want to be embalmed.
• 24:09
  It was probably nine, 10: I knew she wanted a Jewish funeral.
• 24:11
  It was probably nine, 10: And so, I'm like, it has to happen.
• 24:14
  It was probably nine, 10: And so they made it happen.
• 24:16
  It was probably nine, 10: I will say that.
• 24:17
  It was probably nine, 10: And, so she died on a Tuesday.
• 24:21
  It was probably nine, 10: I drove back home.
• 24:22
  It was probably nine, 10: As I was driving home, I could smell her in my car like I, I felt her, I really haven't felt her since, but I, I smelled her.
• 24:34
  It was probably nine, 10: It was the craziest thing.
• 24:36
  It was probably nine, 10: And my head did not tingle, but I there was no mistaking it was her perfume she would wear.
• 24:42
  It was probably nine, 10: Shalamar, her perfume.
• 24:45
  It was probably nine, 10: And if you've ever smelled Shalimar, there is no mistaking that Shalimar.
• 24:48
  It was probably nine, 10: And so I smelled her, and I knew she was with me and went back home Tuesday night.
• 24:53
  It was probably nine, 10: Had Thanksgiving at my house on Thursday.
• 24:56
  It was probably nine, 10: I really wanted to.
• 24:58
  It was probably nine, 10: I wanted to have my friends and family around.
• 25:00
  It was probably nine, 10: I always make Thanksgiving, and it was really important to me to be surrounded by people that I loved.
• 25:06
  It was probably nine, 10: And, my husband was like, busy making her video.
• 25:11
  It was probably nine, 10: I gave him all the photos and, you know, he put it to music.
• 25:14
  It was probably nine, 10: I told him what music, but he did the hard work and that was, you know, a great thing.
• 25:18
  It was probably nine, 10: And so Friday morning we got up, you know, after Thanksgiving, after having all these people at our house and we got up early, drove to Houston, got to the funeral home, and I walked in, and I was so incredibly overwhelmed by seeing my good friends that I grew up with in Houston, and even my friends from Austin who had come out.
• 25:42
  It was probably nine, 10: You know, these are my good, good friends.
• 25:45
  It was probably nine, 10: And they showed up for me.
• 25:47
  It was probably nine, 10: They were there and it was beautiful.
• 25:49
  It was probably nine, 10: And my mom's friends and, so many things went wrong at this funeral.
• 25:57
  It was probably nine, 10: I can't begin to tell you.
• 25:58
  It was probably nine, 10: And I won't because I learned something from season one.
• 26:03
  It was probably nine, 10: Doctor Gladys McGarry.
• 26:05
  It was probably nine, 10: She's a 103 year old doctor, and one of the things that I remember her talking about is this concept.
• 26:13
  It was probably nine, 10: It's, Oh, I forgot, I think a Hindu Hindu concept.
• 26:17
  It was probably nine, 10: And it's, she would say could spawn and then she'd make this, you know, motion, like letting something fall out of her hand.
• 26:26
  It was probably nine, 10: Quick, Boney, it doesn't matter.
• 26:29
  It was probably nine, 10: It doesn't matter.
• 26:30
  It was probably nine, 10: And I thought about that, you know, with all these things going wrong and I'm like, does it matter?
• 26:34
  It was probably nine, 10: I just want to give her a beautiful sendoff.
• 26:36
  It was probably nine, 10: I just want to give her a good sendoff.
• 26:38
  It was probably nine, 10: And so these things are going wrong and it doesn't matter.
• 26:42
  It was probably nine, 10: A lot of things are still beautiful and going right.
• 26:44
  It was probably nine, 10: And so I just chose to focus on that.
• 26:47
  It was probably nine, 10: So we buried her.
• 26:50
  It was probably nine, 10: My sister spoke.
• 26:51
  It was probably nine, 10: We had a rabbi speak.
• 26:53
  It was probably nine, 10: My sister is, she's an adopted sister and she's a preacher, so.
• 26:58
  It was probably nine, 10: But she was raised Jewish, but she is a preacher.
• 27:02
  It was probably nine, 10: But she knows everything about Judaism.
• 27:04
  It was probably nine, 10: She's been my sister since I was six years old.
• 27:06
  It was probably nine, 10: And, so she did part.
• 27:09
  It was probably nine, 10: And then the rabbi did part, and it was perfect.
• 27:12
  It was probably nine, 10: They really captured the essence of my mother.
• 27:15
  It was probably nine, 10: All the good things about her and all the, you know, things that she was known for.
• 27:22
  It was probably nine, 10: Some of her difficult behavior.
• 27:25
  It was probably nine, 10: But we go into the funeral home or, you know, they have, like, this nice, celebration space.
• 27:32
  It was probably nine, 10: And I ordered food from her favorite Jewish deli in Houston, Kenny and Ziggy's.
• 27:37
  It was probably nine, 10: And, you know, it wasn't exactly, a vegan spread.
• 27:42
  It was probably nine, 10: We had, like, tuna and egg salad.
• 27:45
  It was probably nine, 10: And then I did have, like, a lot of, you know, I had cream cheese, and then I had vegan cream cheese.
• 27:49
  It was probably nine, 10: I had a lot of hummus and roasted vegetables and cookies.
• 27:54
  It was probably nine, 10: And then we had beer and mimosas, big Ole open bar.
• 27:58
  It was probably nine, 10: And, you know, I, I made a toast to her tenacity and, told the story about the doctor who told her she was going to die and, and the story about telling her to let go so she could go be with her dead husbands and her parents and her saying no.
• 28:15
  It was probably nine, 10: And everybody was cracking up because, you know, they knew her.
• 28:18
  It was probably nine, 10: And people were coming up to me saying, this was the best funeral I've ever been to.
• 28:21
  It was probably nine, 10: She would have loved this.
• 28:23
  It was probably nine, 10: She would have loved being the the center of attention and my husband did make this beautiful video and I had forgotten.
• 28:31
  It was probably nine, 10: Just my mom was gorgeous when I mean, she was beautiful through her whole life, but when she was young, she was incredibly stunning.
• 28:39
  It was probably nine, 10: She was a professor of, assistant professor of fashion and merchandizing at, Fashion Institute of Technology in New York.
• 28:48
  It was probably nine, 10: And she just had a way about her and, the video was just beautiful.
• 28:55
  It was probably nine, 10: And, I loved, you know, just seeing her with all these phases of her life.
• 29:02
  It was probably nine, 10: And the songs I chose, were wildflowers by Tom petty talking about, you know, You Belong Among the wildflowers and then old days by Chicago and My Way by Frank Sinatra.
• 29:16
  It was probably nine, 10: And I mean, people were just sobbing, and then they were just coming up to me, telling me these stories about her, and I was having this big fish experience.
• 29:27
  It was probably nine, 10: I don't know if you've ever seen the movie Big Fish, but, you know, it's about this guy.
• 29:31
  It was probably nine, 10: And his dad was always telling me these crazy stories, and then his dad dies and he finds out these insane, like, Forrest Gump type stories were true.
• 29:39
  It was probably nine, 10: And I feel like that's what happened at my mom's funeral, because she always told these crazy stories.
• 29:46
  It was probably nine, 10: And sometimes she had, I don't even know how to say she lied.
• 29:51
  It was probably nine, 10: She didn't have, always a, truthful story.
• 29:55
  It was probably nine, 10: She liked to make herself, you know, the star of the story.
• 29:57
  It was probably nine, 10: And she told some crazy ones, like, I don't know, she was always telling stories like, Yeah, I taught guitar to the blind, but she didn't know how to play guitar.
• 30:06
  It was probably nine, 10: She was at Woodstock when I know she wasn't at Woodstock, because Woodstock was on my first birthday and she was home with me.
• 30:12
  It was probably nine, 10: She said she wrote the jingle.
• 30:15
  It was probably nine, 10: Who wears short shorts?
• 30:16
  It was probably nine, 10: I don't know if that's true, because after these stories, well, the best one was we were in CVS one time, and the pharmacist is like, is anybody in here speak Spanish?
• 30:26
  It was probably nine, 10: She does not speak Spanish.
• 30:28
  It was probably nine, 10: And she raised her hand.
• 30:29
  It was probably nine, 10: She's like, I do.
• 30:29
  It was probably nine, 10: And I was like, oh, I'm just going to sit back and see what happens.
• 30:32
  It was probably nine, 10: This is going to be good.
• 30:34
  It was probably nine, 10: And the pharmacist is like, can you tell this person blah, blah, blah, whatever.
• 30:38
  It was probably nine, 10: And she's like, and she just like stumbles for like, you know, 30s and he just like, shakes his head and moves on.
• 30:46
  It was probably nine, 10: So, you know, that was her.
• 30:49
  It was probably nine, 10: And she had told me all these crazy stories like she told me, Oh, yeah.
• 30:54
  It was probably nine, 10: Trini Lopez, who was like this singer from the 70s, I dated Trini Lopez, and I was like, you know, when we were in Puerto Rico, I dated Trini Lopez.
• 31:04
  It was probably nine, 10: Well, when I was going through her photos, I, I said to my husband, I think this is a photo of Trini Lopez.
• 31:10
  It was probably nine, 10: And he's like, no, it's not.
• 31:12
  It was probably nine, 10: And we looked and we googled Tim.
• 31:14
  It was probably nine, 10: I was like, we were both like, Holy shit, that's Trini Lopez.
• 31:17
  It was probably nine, 10: Maybe she did date him.
• 31:19
  It was probably nine, 10: Then she told me Benjamin Netanyahu hit on her and I was like, oh, for God's sakes, woman and her friend came up to me at the funeral and was like, oh, did you ever hear about that time your mother and I were at this fundraiser?
• 31:33
  It was probably nine, 10: And Netanyahu is the keynote speaker, and he was trying to get us to come up to his hotel room. And I was like, what?
• 31:39
  It was probably nine, 10: So I was like, oh my God, she was telling the truth.
• 31:42
  It was probably nine, 10: And then, there was another story about she told me she dated Jackie Mason.
• 31:47
  It was probably nine, 10: Like, I don't know why you would want to date Jackie Mason, but I didn't believe her, because I don't know if you know who that is, but that's like this, you know, Jewish comedian from the 70s.
• 31:57
  It was probably nine, 10: And I was like, okay, whatever.
• 31:57
  It was probably nine, 10: That's stupid.
• 32:00
  It was probably nine, 10: I mean, she had been a single parent since I was like 4 or 5 years old.
• 32:04
  It was probably nine, 10: So she was single and she did date a bunch of guys.
• 32:06
  It was probably nine, 10: But I was like, okay. Yeah, right.
• 32:09
  It was probably nine, 10: You did Jackie Mason.
• 32:10
  It was probably nine, 10: And then her friend was like, oh, yeah.
• 32:14
  It was probably nine, 10: I remember when she was dating Jackie Mason.
• 32:16
  It was probably nine, 10: She got my husband who worked in advertising this big account from Jackie Mason.
• 32:21
  It was probably nine, 10: He handled his whole thing, and I was like, what?
• 32:23
  It was probably nine, 10: She did it. Jackie made, like, for real.
• 32:26
  It was probably nine, 10: And so then I just had to start thinking about all these other things.
• 32:29
  It was probably nine, 10: She told me.
• 32:30
  It was probably nine, 10: And I'm like, okay, well, I know she didn't play guitar or speak Spanish, but maybe she did write.
• 32:35
  It was probably nine, 10: Who wear short shorts and it got stolen from her.
• 32:37
  It was probably nine, 10: Maybe she did.
• 32:38
  It was probably nine, 10: She told me she wrote Soulja Boy to, Connie Francis, and that got stolen from her too.
• 32:44
  It was probably nine, 10: Who knows?
• 32:46
  It was probably nine, 10: My point is, she was larger than life.
• 32:49
  It was probably nine, 10: I'm going to miss the shit out of her in ways I won't even know.
• 32:54
  It was probably nine, 10: And, I just want to tell you, I just wanted to tell you about my experience of losing my mother, and, that if you haven't gone through it yet, or even if you have, I just wish you an easy time with it, because it's, It's a rite of passage.
• 33:15
  It was probably nine, 10: And if you're lucky enough to be doing it at this age, then you are lucky because you didn't lose your mother or your father early. And, that's that's so sad.
• 33:28
  It was probably nine, 10: If you have in my heart goes out to you.
• 33:30
  It was probably nine, 10: But at any age, it's hard.
• 33:31
  It was probably nine, 10: And I just wanted you to know a little bit about Linda and and the experience of losing her.
• 33:40
  It was probably nine, 10: And again, I want to thank all of you for listening.
• 33:44
  It was probably nine, 10: And, you know, I know I always say hi, friend.
• 33:48
  It was probably nine, 10: And that's because I mean it.
• 33:51
  It was probably nine, 10: I mean that you are a friend to me.
• 33:53
  It was probably nine, 10: You know, even if we've never had a conversation.
• 33:56
  It was probably nine, 10: You do mean something to me.
• 33:59
  It was probably nine, 10: And I am trying to make, you know, this podcast something useful for you, that you can learn something from it to make your aging process better.
• 34:09
  It was probably nine, 10: And I guess the takeaway from this is, you know, whatever you have to say to your parents to make things right, that you should do.
• 34:18
  It was probably nine, 10: And with my case, I don't think I could have said what I really needed to say to her.
• 34:24
  It was probably nine, 10: She wasn't receptive, and so I just had to quit.
• 34:27
  It was probably nine, 10: Spoony let it go, and I did.
• 34:30
  It was probably nine, 10: And I do, because there were still so many good things.
• 34:34
  It was probably nine, 10: You know, she made me the person that I am, and, and I, I am comfortable with myself.
• 34:40
  It was probably nine, 10: And I do like myself.
• 34:41
  It was probably nine, 10: And, you know, a lot of people can't say that.
• 34:44
  It was probably nine, 10: And so just do what you have to do and make things right and get right with your parents and tell them you love them and tell them they did a good job, because I promise you, they did the best they could.
• 34:58
  It was probably nine, 10: And, thanks again for for supporting this podcast.
• 35:03
  It was probably nine, 10: And, we'll see you for season three.
• 35:06
  It was probably nine, 10: So happy holidays. My deepest love to you.
• 35:10
  It was probably nine, 10: My deepest wishes for you to be healthy and happy and, to enjoy.
• 35:15
  It was probably nine, 10: Goodbye. Na.
• 35:18
  It was probably nine, 10: Thanks for listening, friend.
• 35:20
  It was probably nine, 10: From my heart to yours.
• 35:22
  It was probably nine, 10: Be well. Until we meet again.