Latest / The Art of Love With Lucia / Episode 695: Why Your Ex Will Feel Worse Over Time

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Episode 695: Why Your Ex Will Feel Worse Over Time · The Art of Love With Lucia

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  There's a quote that says dumper laugh now, cry later, dumpy cry
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  now, laugh later. And even though you think your
• 0:12
  ex or know that your ex is happy about the breakup and they're
• 0:15
  doing great, doesn't mean it's always going to be that way.
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  As time goes by, there's a very good chance they'll eventually
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  start to feel worse and you will start to feel better.
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  As hard as it may be to believe right now, how is this possible?
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  Well, stay tuned and you'll find out.
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  Hi, this is Lucia with the Art of Love.
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  I'm a dating and relationship expert specializing in helping
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  you get your ex back or to get over your ex.
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  And welcome back my beautiful no contact army.
• 0:44
  Have you downloaded Silencio to help you stay in no contact?
• 0:49
  The app is underneath every single video and podcast.
• 0:53
  And if you too would like to join our no contact army, all
• 0:56
  you have to do is to the subscribe button and the bell
• 1:01
  notification and you're in. And to read our manual go to
• 1:04
  nocontactsecrets.com where you can read 2 free chapters before
• 1:09
  you purchase the book. So unless this is not the first
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  breakup with this person, then your ex does not know how
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  they're going to feel after the breakup with you.
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  They just know they wanted the breakup, but they are now on new
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  terrain. They've not been here before.
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  Most people when they dump someone, they think that they're
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  going to go off and live happily ever after, but that's not
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  always the way it works out. Jumpers don't always want to end
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  the relationship, but they feel they have to for a variety of
• 1:45
  reasons. So most will feel relief after
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  the breakup. They dreaded having to break up
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  with you, right? Because who wants to have to go
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  through that? But when they finally do, they
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  feel relief. Just as when you dread having to
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  do something or talk to a certain person.
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  And then when you finally do it, you're like, so glad that's over
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  with. I'm so relieved.
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  Even if the interaction didn't go well, you're just relieved
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  it's not behind you, right? So they're relieved they got
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  that over with, and they're relieved that they're no longer
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  in a relationship where they weren't happy.
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  Now, there are some dumpers who don't immediately feel relief,
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  and they will actually be feeling bad right after the
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  breakup. And these are the people who
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  will reach out to you sooner rather than later.
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  You'll hear from them within a few days or a few weeks.
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  And that's usually because they feel guilty about hurting you
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  and they're hoping that you're doing OK so that they can go off
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  on their merry weight without feeling bad.
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  It doesn't mean that they want to get back together.
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  Unless it was a fake breakup to get you to do something or not
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  do something. And even if it was a fake
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  breakup, they are still the ones who need to say that they've
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  changed their mind and they made a mistake.
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  You can't ask for them. And I've done a video on fake
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  breakups and I will put the link up on YouTube.
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  So while they feel relief, you unfortunately feel out of
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  control. Which is why if you have an
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  anxious attachment style, you chase your ex after the breakup.
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  People with a secure or an avoidant attachment style may
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  also feel out of control, but they channel that energy in
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  different ways. They don't reach out to their
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  ex. But you know the relief stage.
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  It does not last forever. It eventually passes.
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  It will eventually lose its shine, as does everything.
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  They're going to begin to realize that the single life
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  isn't what they thought it would be, or the rebound is not
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  someone who's going to be able to replace you.
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  So now, finally, they can start to feel worse when they feel the
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  emotional consequences of the breakup, meaning they actually
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  start to miss you. There's no way that you can be
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  with someone for years or even months and not miss them when
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  they're no longer in your life. At some point, at some time,
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  they're going to start to miss you.
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  And this happens when they get triggered.
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  You have triggers and you want to reach out, right?
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  You probably have triggers every day and you want to reach out.
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  So why wouldn't they? And this can be anything from a
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  song that reminds them of you or of a fun time you share
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  together. A location, a movie, a food,
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  anything. And this is the part of the
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  video where I let you know that, believe it or not, 65% of people
• 5:04
  who listen to me are not subscribed.
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  I know. So I just want to ask you one
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  thing and that is if my videos have ever helped you in any way
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  and you want to give something back, all you have to do is hit
• 5:17
  the subscribe button. And I promise that I will
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  continue to work hard and put out interesting and helpful
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  videos so that you can get your ex back.
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  Thank you. OK, so continuing on, they will
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  finally feel the consequences of breaking up with you.
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  But you need to let them get to that point by getting into no
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  contact and staying there. Because if you get impatient
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  like most people do, and think that they're not going to reach
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  out and you contact them, you've just set yourself back and
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  you're going to have to start the count all over again.
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  For all you know, they could have been at the point of
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  breaking and they were going to reach out tomorrow or next week.
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  Keep in mind that water boils at 100°C, but it does not boil at
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  98°C. Those last couple of degrees
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  make all the difference. So if you take the pot off the
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  stove at 98° because you're impatient, it hasn't started to
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  boil yet, it's going to cool off and now you're going to have to
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  start all over again. So same thing with contacting
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  your ex before they get to the point where they get triggered
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  and start to miss you. That's why it's imperative that
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  you get into no contact and stay there no matter what.
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  Now, on top of missing you, your silence is a blow to their ego.
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  When they broke up with you, they figured they could get you
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  back at any time if things didn't go as planned.
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  In their new life, you were an option.
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  However, your silence is now making them doubt whether they
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  could even get you back. And the confidence they once
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  had, it's starting to diminish. Maybe they're not as amazing as
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  they thought they were, or maybe you weren't as into them as they
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  thought you were. Otherwise, why are you not
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  reaching out? How could you possibly just be
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  moving on with your life, especially if at first you were
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  upset at the breakup? Are you faking it until you make
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  it, or are you truly over them? These thoughts are going to
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  invade their mind and they'll want to know the answers, and
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  that's when you'll hear from them.
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  Usually in the form of a breadcrumb because of course
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  they don't want to be vulnerable, but you're going to
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  be a good little soldier and you're not going to respond to a
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  breadcrumb. And that's going to be an even
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  bigger blow to their ego. They were 100% certain that if
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  they reached out, you would respond even if they just said
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  hey or how's it going, which is what they usually do.
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  And yet on your side, it's radio silence.
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  Now they're starting to panic. If they're anxious or anxious
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  avoidant, they may call you a bunch of times in a day.
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  Or the more likely scenario is that they'll wait a couple of
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  weeks and try again hoping that in the meantime you will reach
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  out. But of course you're not going
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  to because you're working on your attachment style and you're
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  leveling up and you do not have time for bread crumbs.
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  You'll delay them missing you and quote UN quote crying later
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  if you don't leave them alone and get into no contact.
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  That's why you want to get into it as soon as possible.
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  They have to feel your absence and they can't do that if you're
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  not absent, right? Any type of you reaching out to
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  them, even if it's only once a month or anything that lets them
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  know you may still be interested, such as watching
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  their story. Even if it's accidental, it's
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  breaking no contact and you have to start the count all over
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  again. So if you have my Silencio app,
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  you can just reset the counter back to 0.
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  So let time do its thing. Let them get past the relief
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  stage of thinking they're going to have a great old time being
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  single or moving on, and eventually they'll experience
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  the consequences of the breakup. They'll start to feel worse.
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  They'll miss you. Their ego will have taken a hit.
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  In the meantime, you've been working on your attachment
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  style, right? You've been working on your
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  attachment style. You've begun to level up, work
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  out, and you're feeling better. And that's when you'll hear from
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  hear from them. And if you want to know how long
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  each stage is going to take, because I know that's your next
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  question, I of course have done a video on that and I'll put the
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  link on YouTube. So now I'm going to hear from
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  you. How long have you been in no
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  contact and how is it going? And in the meantime, if you
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  would like my help to get your ex back, you can contact me at
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  theartoflove.net/coaching and we will send you the rates.
• 10:31
  They are not on the website and the direct link to that is
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  underneath every single video and podcast.
• 10:38
  If you found this video helpful, please like, subscribe and
• 10:40
  share. If you're listening to this as a
• 10:43
  podcast and you want to help the show, download this episode.
• 10:47
  And finally, remember, love inspires, empowers, uplifts and
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  enlightens.