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Breathing Through the BS Your Brain Tells You · Fierce Encouragement

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: You are not broken.
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: You are in training.
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: I want you to sit with that Not broken In training.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: This is Mark Walker.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the podcast called Fierce Encouragement.
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: Now, this is where we wrestle with our doubts and hesitation.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: We also name that resistance that we're facing out loud and we train ourselves to walk in strength anyways.
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: Today I wanted to tackle one of the deepest objections that shows up in my coaching sessions and well, let's be real honest, it shows up in my own life too, and it sounds like this I don't know if this works.
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: I don't know if I'll ever be fixed.
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: I feel lost.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: I don't believe I'll do what I say I want to do.
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: If you've ever felt that well, this episode is for you, so hang around.
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: Recently I had a client that looked across the screen at me and they said to me out loud I don't know if I'll ever be fixed.
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: There was a deep exhaustion in their eyes.
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: It wasn't laziness, it wasn't even like that avoidance that can come up, but it just looked like exhaustion.
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: Now they've been fighting themselves for decades, really, and now they were trying out some new routines and some new inner regulation habits.
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: In a sense, they were also buying the books and signing up for courses and the programs, but each time they did that they stumbled.
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: But each time they did that they stumbled.
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: And then they added another line to that private file that read something like hey see, here's some more proof.
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: You'll never, ever change on yourself that, the one where you kind of treat yourself like you're prosecuting yourself, almost building a case against yourself, when really we become both the judge and the jury too, because every time we slip up or make a mistake that becomes exhibit.
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: A here's why I can't trust myself.
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: And I know that's what my client meant when they shared that I'll never be fixed.
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: It was more evidence for them not being complete or done.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: Now, maybe you've felt this too, almost like your life force is leaking out or is like a leaking boat, and no matter how fast you try to get a bucket and bail the water out of the boat, it just keeps coming in and you feel like you're sinking.
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: Here's the truth.
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: You are not broken.
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: You are in training.
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: Now, I know that sounds simplistic and you might have some pushback against that, and that's fine.
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: You should be skeptical of it.
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: But think about it this way If the finish line was fixed, then the game would be over.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: The second we felt better.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: But training is never really like that.
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: Training never ends and training is the way we can carry ourselves through the difficulty, through the chaos.
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: We can carry ourselves through the difficulty, through the chaos, through that joy or the temptations, or the heartbreak.
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: Training is life, because in training our difficulties or our are not failure, they're just reps.
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: That's the dojo floor where you go in and meet with your martial arts master and get your butt kicked.
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: That's also the gym where we chalk up our hands and we chalk up the barbell to make sure we don't lose our grip.
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: We will fall, we will bow down, we will reset and then we get to go again.
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: We're not fixed, but we're faithful to the process of work and training.
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: Now I'll confess I've had the same thoughts again and again.
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: Maybe I'll never change.
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: I've stared at my journal after missing another workout.
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: I've started and stopped more blogs and projects than I care to imagine.
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: I've even sat down with my own debt on a spreadsheet in front of me, thinking like you coach other people on discipline.
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: What the hell is wrong with you?
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: But then I remembered and I came back.
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: Nothing is wrong with me at all.
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: I am in training and that shift, that change of mindset pulled me out of the shame spiral and into a different practice.
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: Instead of saying I blew it, I can start to think about it as A rep complete Reset, next set.
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: It's the same way I coach people at the gym under the barbell Rack it back up, shake it out, take a deep breath, chalk back up and then get ready to go again.
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: Life is a training ground and our training does not have to demand perfection.
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: It does demand presence and a consistency.
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: So let's train together right now, and if you've been listening for a while, you might know this drill.
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: But today, today, I want you to practice like it matters.
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: So, three breaths, three times a day, three words you can stand on Breath.
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: One in through the nose, long out through the mouth, long out through the mouth, and whisper your first word brave Breath.
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: Number two, in Long out, and your second word kind Breath.
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: Number three.
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: Your second word kind Breath.
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: Number three, in, long out, and your third word clear, brave, kind, clear.
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: Three breaths, three times a day, three words.
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: You stand on.
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: That's it.
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: You'll have a move Now.
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: Breath is great, but it alone isn't enough, because that I'll never be fixed.
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: Well, that file is thick right, and we need to kind of rewrite that or reimagine it.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: So if you have a chance, grab a note card or grab your phone and open up a file and at the top I want you to write evidence I am in training.
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: Next, I want you to list five moments from the past week where you showed up differently.
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: It doesn't matter how small or tiny it might feel.
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: Maybe you paused before losing your patience with your kids or with a co-worker or somebody on the road.
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: Maybe you drank water instead of sugar or wine or beer.
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: Maybe you asked for some help from your friends or your partner instead of bottling it up and thinking you need to go alone on it.
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: Maybe you caught yourself over-apologizing and stopped yourself in mid-sentence and said thanks, I'm working on it.
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: So five lines, that's it.
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: Now tuck that note card or save that file and put it somewhere.
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: You'll see it tomorrow and update it once a week.
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: This is literally how we can become, how you can become your own best defense attorney.
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: How you can become your own best defense attorney.
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: You stop prosecuting yourself and you start testifying for what's good in your life.
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: One client told me recently, in the past few months.
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: This and it was really powerful so I wanted to share it.
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: Quote I used to think breathing was a waste of time, coach Mark, but the first time I did three breaths before answering my boss, it really changed the whole energy of the meeting.
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: He expected my usual defensiveness, but instead I was calm and it almost felt like he didn't know what to do in that moment.
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: And it almost felt like he didn't know what to do in that moment, unquote.
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: And this is what this training looks like.
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: The world expects you to be that old self, the reactive one, the one that's a little unregulated with their emotions or their energy.
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: And when you show up with that warm, calm presence or just kind of downshifting a little bit, it can suddenly shift and tilt that conversation or that energy in the room.
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: Our relationships shift, our marriages shift, we can see our kids differently and they see us as a steadier parent.
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: Your clients even feel that strong leadership that doesn't come from advice or dialogue, but warmth and presence.
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: And it's not because you're 100 fixed either, but it's because you're leaning towards that training, because you are in training.
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: Now let me give you one more reframe before we finish up.
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: It's this Loss is not failure, failure.
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: Lost is a training ground.
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: When you admit I feel lost, it's almost like you're stepping out of that autopilot, that we find ourselves in that default network that comes online and we start to step towards awareness that lost hiker who stops and breathes and stays on the trail Is much more likely to find the trailhead and get back to where they need to be Than the one who panics and runs around in circles and wastes their energy.
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: Feeling lost is the very signal that it's time to slow down, Not speed up.
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: So the next time your own inner voice says something like hey, you're broken, you'll never be fixed, here's some more evidence.
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: Get good at smiling and saying back not broken.
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: In training, lost is where I train the hardest.
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: In training, lost is where I train the hardest.
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: And that's it.
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: And these are your challenges for this week.
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: Really, truly, honor that three-by-three equanimity drill every day morning, midday and night.
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: Use those three words to stand on with three solid breaths.
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: And, of course, write down that evidence that you are in training on that note card or in your phone and look at it every day, put it by your bed, check it out throughout the week and then visit it on the weekend.
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: This is it.
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: These are tools and they will only change your life and your self-talk if you practice them.
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: And it does not take a lot of time, but you have to practice Now.
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: If this episode sparks something in you, woke something up in you, I would just ask you to send it to a friend who also might think that they're broken or lost.
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: You might be that lifeline they need.
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: And if you want to talk and walk with me and come up with your own training plan, well, there's a link in the show notes to book your free consultation or free connection.
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: Call with me.
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: I would love to connect with you and talk about this Because truly not fixed having that faith that you're on your path and in training.
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: I'm really glad that you spent this time with me.
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: Wherever you're at, keep encouraging yourself fiercely and have a great day, a great evening and we'll catch you next time on Fierce Encouragement.
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: Take care, be well, bye-bye.