Latest / Two Girls and a Cup of Wellness / Overcoming Obstacles: How to Use Them as Your Power | Ep 7
Transcript
- Crissy Florio: one. Hello everyone and welcome back for another Two Girls and a Couple Wellness podcast. My name is Chrissy. And my name is Marie. And today we're going to be talking about overcoming life's obstacles. What a very interesting topic. Well, everybody has obstacles. Everybody has obstacles. And you haven't. I don't think I've met one person that hasn't had something happen in their life that was either traumatic or life changing or eye opening. There's so many things that happen to all of us. And it's not just one thing. mean, if you had just one thing, that's pretty cool. But I think that it's really important to talk about this and make it more mainstream and make it more acceptable to talk about things like this because everybody has been through something. Something. Even, mean, they talk about life's major stressors. So we have divorce. We have a job change, buying a house, which my parents are looking at homes right now and they're pretty stressed out. So it could be a simple obstacle like that. ⁓ Or it could be... you know, something more traumatic like loss or diagnosis or, ⁓ I mean, it could be, I mean, just bad news from somebody, negative person in your life. Yeah. Yeah. Get a family. I believe that all of these obstacles are brought to us for a reason. And I know a lot of people don't love that comment of, everything happens for a reason. And I'm not saying it like that, but I'm saying it in the context of if we choose to look at our obstacles in a more of a positive mindset or a growth mindset view and lens, it allows us to move through the obstacles with a sense of more ease rather than a struggle. a holding on. But sometimes, like, you won't see those until 20 years later. Yeah. That that was actually a gift. And maybe some of these things comes with age because we're in our 40s. So we can look back at things and think, oh, wow, that really was a gift. But in the moment, it wasn't. But I think that our goal today is to talk to people about how they can look at that situation and turn it into a positive way or help you deal through some of these negative things. Yeah, absolutely. You know, I talk about that a lot in my book. too, for the love of drugs. I talk about a cancer diagnosis and how we really have two ways to look at it. And this goes for anything in life. You can look at it as a from a warrior. I got this kind of positive mindset, strong mindset, or you can look at it as the woe is me. Everything happens to me. ⁓ Like this is a ⁓ jail or prison sentence type of mentality. So there's There's a fork in the road in every situation where we have those those two ways to look at things. And I don't love always thinking where everything is just positive. I don't want you to think of it like that. It's because toxic positivity is a real thing. And just acting like everything is sunshine and rainbows all the time is a real thing. And we're not talking about not feeling the feelings of it and but just taking a more empowered view and action to it. Right. And it's okay if you go back and forth between the fork. Sure. Sure. Yeah, you'll have days. So when I think of situations like this, I think of Elizabeth Keebler Ross. So back in 1969, she came up with the stages of grief, right? And I think it was directed towards loss, somebody losing your life, but it could be for anything, depression, divorce. career change, whatever, and you have denial, anger, acceptance, bargaining, which I know I've done before, and even depression. And it's not like you have to go through one stage to get to the next. You can be ping-ponging all around in between. it can be the same in those negative situations as well, or those obstacles that we face in life. But as long as you have some tools, and we'll talk about those, what we think works best for our situations that we've had in our lives, then you can kind of work through it in a more positive light. I think we should get a little personal. Let's get personal. So Marie, what is what has been one situation that just comes to mind? And you can talk about it if you want. But what's a situation that calls to you that you remember was really like a game changing moment? And it doesn't have to be like the moment it happened, but that helped you redirect your life. So for those of you that don't know, was born and raised in Massachusetts. And a lot of the women in my family were really career oriented. And being in New England, I don't know, I guess they're smarter. I don't know. Better schools and stuff. And I just really wanted to have fun. So when I went to college my freshman year, I did just have a lot of fun and I got kicked out. You're going to learn a lot about us. And my dad, looking back, was amazing. He pulled it all. The money, everything. You can't go to college. You got to get a job. You got to pay $50 a week to live here. And at the time I was devastated and I had to figure out how to get to a community college, which was, it was kind of embarrassing. All my friends are in good schools. You know, I had a friend in med school or pre-med at the time. So I was like, this is unbelievable. So I ended up going to a small college called Cape Cod Community College. And I loved it. What's interesting about that is a lot of the professors that worked there were retired from Harvard and Boston college. I thought it was going to be easy, a cake walk. And it wasn't. Those professors opened up my mind a lot. I did get my associate's degree and I was struggling to figure out what to do with my life. So I went in to see the guidance counselor and I did what's known as the Myers-Berg test. And it's a personality test that looks at a whole bunch of different markers and it's going to tell you what you are based on your personality you would be good at in life. So I thought this was great. He's going to tell me exactly what to do. And I went back in for my test and he said, well, Marie, this is very interesting. And I thought, yay, interesting. I remember him too, he a little mustache and boogers and a little... you know, bow tie and tweet or whatever. Anyways, so he said, your scores are like all over the place and so many different subsets and you're high everywhere. I think this is great. And he looked at me and he said, Marie, you are going to be the type of person that spends the rest of your life searching for something that you want to do in your life and never finding it. And I felt the ground shake beneath me. There's a couple of times in my life where that's happened. I jumped in the car. I was 21 or something. don't know, 20. I cried and I went to the mall and I saw a sign and I pulled into the strip plaza and shook a hand, signed on the line and I was shipped off to the United States Naval Boot Camp two weeks later. Thank you for your service. That's really, and especially for a woman in the military, in the Navy. My mom was in the army and my husband was in the Air Force, so very close to. military life, but I was shocked. was, was a cheerleader in high school. was captain. That's pretty amazing. That's I'm going to say it's pretty bad ass, but I didn't talk for the first few weeks of bootcamp. Wow. That's, that's amazing. So that, mean, yes, that's a, that's a huge thing because that can break some people, right? Hearing people call you out on certain characteristics or the way that you are, the way you show up in the world. That could be very, like you said, groundbreaking. It's what do you do with that? And you chose to go down a route that would help you figure out what you wanted to do next. Well, I really just want someone to tell me what to do, which is why I joined the So I was a combat photographer and it was a great time. And when I got out, I looked back at the courses that I enjoyed the most, which was microbiology and human anatomy and physiology. And I chose then. to do dental hygiene. I'd met Paul at the time I was going back to school and I was surrounded with pre-nursing students and they said, Maria, are you really gonna sit there and be a dental hygienist? You know, at least with nursing, you can do this and that and this and that. So then I just switched to nursing. And when I wrote my essay, everybody was writing their essays to get into nursing school about how they wanted to change the world and heal people. And I said, I just get bored. Like I want variety. But now looking back at that moment in time with that professor or whatever guidance counselor, I wish I could see him again. I should have been so excited and that was a blessing because I am constantly learning and I'm always looking up different things and researching different things and that makes me who I am. And sometimes my brain's ping-ponging all around. I have all these new ideas and I do have to focus and center but I'm constantly been going to school, I've constantly taken courses and that's just part of who I am and it is a good quality to have. Yeah, absolutely. It's interesting because there's somebody that I follow that I'm friends with here locally and she posted something. today about if my fourth grade teacher can see me now, I now talk for a living type of thing. And it was really kind of funny and cute. And it's so true. Some of the qualities growing up may be deemed as not necessarily going down the straight and arrow. the box of society. growing up, our parents did the best that they could in keeping us in alignment with what they thought we should be doing. And the truth of the matter is like the journey of life isn't just a straight path. It's so up and down and around and all of these things. And I never for once when I was little thinking. ⁓ I'm going to be a yoga instructor. ⁓ I'm going to teach yoga to everybody and, you know, tell people how mind, body, heart, soul healing is so lovely. No, actually I wanted to be a killer whale trainer when I was little. Pretty cool. did. ⁓ huh. For and work for SeaWorld now. like, are you glad you don't know? Yeah. So, but, ⁓ but we all, you know, have certain situations I think in life and I was a dancer growing up and a competitive dancer. for me, getting critiqued was a part of my life. They would critique me on how big or little I was, what I should be wearing, how I was dancing, competitive dancing, right? So we would get judged all the time. And one of the, I believe that one of my characteristics that makes me who I am now allows me to be seen and to appreciate who I am and to receive feedback because I did it so much or I was in that experience so much when I was younger, you know, and it allowed me to kind of go in and out. And I was going to go out to LA and dance and I tried it for a little bit and then I just got so homesick and my parents wanted me to stay out there and I just said I couldn't do it and Who knows if my life would have went down that trajectory? Would I be here? I don't know. But you can't play that game. Absolutely I love my life. can't, I wouldn't make any changes. I wouldn't either. Maybe a few, but. But that's the thing, is appreciating all of these things that get us to where we are now. even when I think about my diagnosis, which is probably the biggest life's lesson. that I have experienced. Actually, I take that back. It is my biggest one, but my second biggest one would probably be my father was died, was, excuse me. My father was, ⁓ had a stroke and went into a coma and was paralyzed on the right side of his body when I was five years old. ⁓ my gosh. Yeah. So that was pretty traumatic. You know, my father going away to, New York to get surgery and then coming back and being a completely different person and that was pretty kind of like wow What do I do with this now and at five years old? I didn't know but even even that situation helped to shift me because I'm a lot younger than my sisters they were already off into middle school and going into high school and kind of when all of this was going on so I was more at home and would help my dad a lot with his putting on shirts and putting on shoes. And I saw a man that went from being very manly. Yeah, like the manly man to somebody needing help a lot and being able to understand what compassion is, being able to understand that not everybody is the same. And while he had a disability, I didn't see that as a disability. You know, growing up, I was kind of like, wow, he's really insanely strong and amazing because he was told he'd never walk or talk again. And he was driving in six months because of that determination. It's amazing. of the mind. Yeah, absolutely. So that was probably one of the first things early on that helped shape me to looking at everybody with just a very open mind and not really seeing difference. But then obviously my cancer diagnosis was really for me personally the hardest hitting thing that I've ever really, really gone through. What happened when you first got the diagnosis? Well, I kind of went into a little Charlie Brown like, wah, wah. I didn't really hear what my breast surgeon was talking about. So thankfully, thankfully my husband, Robbie, was in the room with us and. I I went blank for a little while. for a few days probably, like just trying to figure out, just trying to figure it all out and, or just be present with it and sit with it. Not maybe not trying to figure it out because I just, I needed to be, I just needed to be here and present and just be like, okay, get it together, right? And once I started coming out of that, started doing research, you know, it's a whirlwind when you get diagnosed with cancer or with maybe any other type of disease. There's a lot of opinions, right? lot of opinions and lot of you got to start learning a whole new language and there's new doctors and there's doctors appointments left and right. And then the fear factor comes through of getting what you're getting ready to endure when you know your your journey and your protocol. ⁓ But I really was like, OK, this is my journey. I'm going to be present in it all. I'm not going to try to fast forward to what if the chemo doesn't work or what if they don't get it all during surgery or what if I have to have radiation or what if I die? Like I didn't think that way. And I don't know if it's just me and the background that I had have been teaching yoga for years and years and years before my diagnosis of just be present, Chrissy, just be here, try not to go too far into the future. But I know that there are some people out there that are that way too. But I know there are a lot of people that let fear start to interrupt and drive their actions and their thoughts. And I chose not to do that. Now, would fear pop in every now and then? Absolutely. It's going to. But we have the opportunity to make a choice. to take a different route, to choose a new thought, to take new action rather than sit in the barrel of that fear. Right. Yeah. So ⁓ that's definitely one of the things I think that in any life's obstacle is being present and conscious of your actions, of your words. Because the truth of the matter is the only thing that we can control in life are our actions, our words, what we put into our bodies, on our bodies. and our mind. Yeah, that's like... when you have those people in your life that are negative and you replay the situation, I would play it. said, well, I should have said this, well, I should have said that, and why did I let this bother me? And also the physiological response that's happening, all that, you know, cortisol and then it's triggering inflammation and... Yeah, what it does physically to our bodies, right? What it does physically to our bodies is detrimental. And that's where disease lives, right? And thrives off of, right? So. And it's okay. I think it's okay. Everybody listening to have that moment because you need to feel the feels, right? And then to work through them. And I think that's what we want to try to talk about so that you're not losing sleep at night. And I've been a victim to that so many times. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Gosh, I hate it. I hate the 2 a.m. wake up and you're just thinking and tossing and turning and then you lose your sleep and Your next day is terrible. Well, I mean, it's isn't that when we're just we're simply in our mind. We're not in our body. Our body doesn't want to feel that way. It's just the mind trying to create so many different scenarios for you to be safe and for you to be on guard if one of those situations actually occur, which they may never. And if we backtrack a little bit talking about life's obstacles with other people. Let's talk about that for a second because we're talking about situations that have happened. But what if we have a friend or a family member that really pisses us off or is very negative or they're a narcissist and everything that they do and say is just nasty and negative. sucking your energy and you're tired afterwards and you're just like almost sick. You feel a little ill. You need to nap. I've had a lot of those different situations in life and sometimes I've had to completely shut people out, which is not easy to do. And then other times I've grown and I look back and I say, why did I let that bother me? Because now it doesn't bother me anymore. Yeah. Well, that's growth right there. that's the, I'm living consciously. I'm understanding how it affects my... self and my energy and my emotions. And I'm choosing something different because that doesn't serve me. In yoga, we say that all the time, release things that are not serving you. What does that mean? What serves us? Joy, compassion, acceptance, appreciation, love, contentment, right? All of those things. There's so many other words I probably... of those things serve us. They help us... thrive in life and the things that don't serve us, negativity, narcissism, ⁓ what's some other good ones? Anger. Denial. Resentment. Not accepting something. Yeah. I had a professor once that said, if you just take the things that are really bothering you and you just think of yourself as that beautiful witch on Wizard of Oz, the pink one. ⁓ What's her name? Glenda. Glenda. And you're gonna just blow. now if you watch, if you watch. I haven't watched the I've seen the musical. What is it called? Wicked. Wicked. If you watch Wicked. So good. I saw the first musical but I haven't watched the movies. ⁓ my god. So good. So she said you're gonna make a nice beautiful pink bubble like Glenda and you're gonna push all your negativity on it and then just blow it away and then you can flick something at it and pop it. I love that. like my first psychology professor and I think about that. Yeah. I'm like I'm. I'm a big bubble gum and I'm just sticking it all in there and it's in the air and it's just gone. Kind of on the flip side of that, what I do when I know I'm going to be in a situation and I'm in a lot with certain people and I know I'm going to be in a situation that maybe I would feel in the past triggered or I would start to get that boiling kind of feeling. So what happens? What happens to your body when you're triggered? I get sweaty. I get sweaty, my stomach hurts, I get irritated and I'm not, I don't show up as the best version of myself. I don't show up as my bubbly, good, happy. that moment. Like you're at a party and somebody annoys you and then it ruins your whole night. Right, exactly. So what I do when I know I'm going to be in certain situations or if I'm in a situation that I didn't know I was going to be in and I start feeling it come on, I put my feet down. And I could be doing this actually talking to somebody too. So they wouldn't know it's actually happening. But then I start to imagine, and this sounds so funny, but it works for me. I start to imagine this bubble coming around me and I can, the bubble can go out like six feet outside of my arms. I can make that big little bubble as big as I want to. And it's almost like I'm standing in it. Like that bubble is more of a shield for me. And it's a protective layer and it's my energy only inside and I'm not allowing other people's energies to penetrate and to get in and to poke your energy. Exactly. I role play. I role play in my mind before I go somewhere where I know there's somebody that stresses me out. Yeah. Or just hide. That's not what we want to do. Yeah. Well, I think there's also that too is understanding when you do need to cut ties when people just aren't worth your time. Right. And that's totally okay. And that is not easy, but it is okay. Absolutely. Because life is short and we get only one life. we don't want to be full of inflammation and have hypertension and insulin resistance. Exactly. We just want to be happy and flowing. And healthy. But it's okay to not have to be friends with everybody. And it's okay that there's going to be some people that don't necessarily like you and you don't like them and that's okay. thing. I have my close circle friends, right? And I have a lot of other friends as well. And I can almost read people, I'm almost 48 now, where I know that that person I can't get too close with, they can be a nice good surface friend. But if I get any deeper than that, they're just going to put their tendrils on me. It's just not going to work out. You know what that is? toxic. You're feeling their energy. ⁓ their energy is not compatible with your energy. And it's to say that that person's bad or their energy is bad. I like to look at it as just not compatible. It just doesn't mesh. Yeah. And that's probably why there are so many different friend groups and things like that. And it's all okay. It's not a matter of I'm going to cut somebody out and I'm going say screw them for the rest of their lives. No, it's more of just like you do you and I'll do me and just... about that. Have you ever had a situation where you are trying way too hard to be someone's friend? Yeah. And you like them and it's just not reciprocal. Reciprocal. Reciprocal. That's the word. I've had that happen before and I think to myself, why am I trying so hard? Yeah. I can't try this hard. Right. Right. But that's also like a little psyche, like maybe I'm not good enough to be this person's Exactly. That's exactly where I was going to go. Because when you start asking yourself these types of questions, it's an opportunity for you to sit down with those questions, get real, get vulnerable with yourself and understand where is that coming from? Either it could be something from your childhood that you are still seeking that light or that connection or to be seen from a certain type of person. And you never know what it is. never know. Yeah. And I love this. This is fun because this is real stuff. This is real stuff. And the other thing too is ⁓ when you said that about like, is something wrong with me? ⁓ We again, we can't control other people's actions and how they show up in the world. We can only trust and honor ourselves and how we show up in the world and how we express ourselves. And if we are not so connected to ourselves and loving and compassionate and accepting of ourselves and know our worth, it's going to penetrate in that way. Am I good enough? Why is this person like me? Right. Isn't that ridiculous that at your age, we still have to worry about stuff that we worried about in high school. Yeah, exactly. Not as bad, not as much drama, you still, you... There are some people though that thrive on that drama. Right. And again, those type of people, I'm like a big X too. I'm like, want no drama. I don't like gossip. It's just not my thing. So I send them love from afar, but it's just not my thing. It's not how I want to give my energy. It doesn't serve me because that type of energy, when people are constantly talking about other people and it's this or that and very dramatic, I can feel myself tensing up. my stomach. just kind of, get like almost also a little bored in the conversation that I either just pull myself away from the conversation or I change the conversation. There you go. Right. So let's talk about some of those coping things. Yeah. Yeah. We discussed a few earlier. So when, when you're in a situation that you are in that fork in the road and either it's a person, a thing, a situation, a diagnosis, a loss, whatever. Again, we have those two ways to look at it. You can look at it down more of the positive, empowering, inspiring route and taking action route, or the negative, woe is me, looking outside of yourself, blame type of route, right? All of our listeners, I'm gonna, I'll shake you. You're going down that route of the positivity. Positivity, But what are some things that we can do to help us when our mind wants to come in and that fear and that negative mindset and talk starts to come in. First of all, we have to be conscious of when that's happening. Right. And that goes back to our podcast with Christy. Yeah. Like that, know what's going on. Right. Understanding, recognizing, being conscious, being aware, being mindful. That's like just always in life. that's just like our big bubble. But number one, think, is to ground yourself, is for you to drop more into your body and less into your mind. So what are some ways that we can do that? Deep breathing. Deep breathing. three, and three, four, five, out. Yes. To do the singing day. She is singing a lot today, and I love it. I'll let her do that, and you're welcome that I'm not singing. But I do that at night when I do my crazy 2 a.m. Well, not really, but my trying to go to sleep and I have this crazy thoughts in my head. I will do and I think it's the military and I can't remember exactly, but you breathe in and you count to six and hold for two and then breathe out and count to eight, which sometimes that's too many numbers, but it does help me fall asleep. Yeah, you could do less. Absolutely. Well, you're regulating the nervous system while you're doing that. Right. So we go. Deep breathing. So deep breathing or. just put your feet down, imagine roots growing from your feet deep into the earth star, right? The grounding. Deep, yes, a very grounding. And that's more of like an energy thing. So I'll kind of talk about that eventually, grounding, getting outside and no bare feet. absolutely. So that's kind of like really just rooting down into your body. Number two is meeting that situation with a sense of compassion, acceptance, and forgiveness. And forgiveness is a very tricky, tricky word because people are like, ⁓ I don't want to, and they'll just go. I don't want to forgive that person. You're not necessarily forgiving the person you're forgiving. You're almost like detaching yourself from it to give yourself some grace, to forgive yourself for allowing that person to get to you the way that they did or the situation. Right. Like you're holding yourself accountable as well for your feelings. Yeah, absolutely. That's hard. That's a big step. Yeah, it's very hard because we're so easy to blame. Yeah. Wasn't me. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. But again, we are our actions and thoughts and words are the only things that we can control. So keep coming back to that. How does this affect me and how can I change how it affects me? Right. So the grounding and then find compassion and acceptance and forgiveness for yourself, for the situation and a story. Right. And in that relaxation, Right? That's relaxing. Yeah. Just softening, surrendering, stretching. Yeah. Sauna. Some sauna, some yoga, some meditation, some breath work, continuing the breath work and maybe a little bit more of a soothing, ⁓ buzzing breath work would be a good one for that too. So that to me is so important. ⁓ Number three. Number three. We're going to protect ourselves. yourselves. Get good sleep, we're going to eat healthy, we're going to move our bodies, walking, protect ourselves, put up that barrier from the person. Create the shield to not let other people's negative energy or frenetic energy start to interrupt your peace. So imagine whatever that looks like for some people that looks like armor, that looks like the bubble, that looks like putting yourself in a cloud or taking everything out of your body, like you said, and putting it to a bubble and having that go out of your system. So you're protecting your body by pulling things out. So whatever that means and looks like for you, it's different for everybody. So what feels aligned for you in that, but you have to protect yourself. That's definitely number three. Number four is to, in a sense, redirect. or to cut ties, right? Or to make ⁓ a shift pivot. Yeah. you can either change the conversation. I don't like the way this is going. We're not talking about oranges anymore. We're talking about bananas. Yeah. Yeah. You know, and just change it completely or pull yourself out of the situation. Right. And, and that's kind of just like realizing, recognizing that this is not serving me. I cannot keep going down this route. So I need to redirect. just understanding that and you know, cause then the last thing is, is making a new choice. Making a new choice. Is that new path, right? Chopping down, if you guys listen to our, episode was that? Number two. The barriers or the forest. The forest in our brain, right? Creating a new path in our neuro pathways to make things feel safe and to make things feel a little bit more aligned and neutral and natural. Right. So you have to take action. if you're super stressed out in a situation, maybe it's getting up and exercising every day. Yeah. You know, to release it. Yeah, exactly. Like today, I just did this kind of, I just was like shaking it out. I did almost like a somatic workout. I was feeling, feeling a little kind of blocked in my heart. a weird week. is. There's a lot going on. There's, know, we're in a eclipse when we're recording this, we're in eclipse season, we're starting the eclipse season, there was a new moon and a lot of shifting of the planets and all of that and the astrology above. there's, we feel it because we're energy, right? And when the earth moves, then the sun moves and the stars move, we can feel it. So I was feeling a lot of that this week and I just got out and just shaking it or taking a nice calming bath even. I down on the couch today and I don't do that. I just like I'm gonna put my head on the pillow and lay on the couch. It was only 20 minutes but I said I don't know what's going on with me in this week. yeah and sometimes you know even like coming back to that I don't know what's going on with me. Sometimes we don't need to know what necessarily is going on. We just have to be in that acceptance role and let it be. And let it be. Let it be. Again, I'm not going to sing with her. All right. So I know I just want to read. It was a good one. I want to kind of come back to this again. So we're going to always be conscious. That is just the overall theme all the time. We're going to get grounded in ourselves, more in our bodies, less in our mind. We're going to find compassion and acceptance and forgiveness. We're going to protect our energy and our bodies and our minds. We're gonna redirect and cut ties when things are starting to not go down a path that we want and our energy, right? And then we're gonna make a new choice and take a new path. That is how you're gonna pull yourself and protect yourself from certain people, obstacles, situations in life. And that's how you're gonna slowly start to make that path towards a more positive and empowering mindset in all your decisions. I love it. Great. This was beautiful. Beautiful. Yes. Thank you guys so much as always. If you have any questions at all, please comment, DM us, message us. We want to hear from you and we thank you so much for trusting in us. Until next time. your day, everybody. Bye, guys.