Latest / Libido Lounge / Unlocking the Female Orgasm: Myths, Science, and Secrets Revealed

Transcript

Unlocking the Female Orgasm: Myths, Science, and Secrets Revealed · Libido Lounge

• 0:00
  Welcome to the libido lounge where we focus on all things love, lust, and libido.
• 0:05
  We believe that fabulous sex is important to health as exercise and good food.
• 0:11
  Hey, everybody.
• 0:12
  Welcome back to another episode on the lounge.
• 0:15
  I'm your libido lounge host, doctor Diane.
• 0:19
  And today, we are having a discussion about climax, about orgasm, about the different types
• 0:26
  of orgasms, about what is behind orgasm.
• 0:29
  And one of the things that I wanna make sure to address is if you are somebody that has never
• 0:37
  experienced an orgasm or if you used to experience orgasms and no longer are able to,
• 0:43
  that is all we're gonna cover all of that today.
• 0:46
  We're gonna cover the why behind sometimes how that can happen as well as talk about
• 0:51
  strategies and tools and so much more.
• 0:54
  But I want to orient us to two different components of this conversation on climax.
• 1:01
  One, there's absolutely amazing research about all of the hormones and everything that gets
• 1:07
  released at orgasm.
• 1:09
  So we get increases of our happy hormones like serotonin and dopamine.
• 1:14
  We increases of oxytocin, which is that feel good hormone that helps us to reregulate our
• 1:20
  stress response, helps us feel calm and happy and peaceful and connected to the people in our
• 1:27
  lives that we love in particular in that moment, oftentimes our partner, if we are with
• 1:32
  our partner at the time of orgasm.
• 1:34
  So there's so many amazing benefits like that that will come from orgasm.
• 1:40
  And we also wanna remember that a lot of those benefits too just come from intimacy.
• 1:46
  Right?
• 1:47
  So even if you're struggling with having an orgasm, even if you're struggling with that, we
• 1:52
  can still get a large amount of oxytocin, serotonin, dopamine release even from just
• 1:58
  giving long hugs.
• 2:00
  So I like people to know this because as you are getting back into turning your libido on
• 2:07
  and revving it up, or maybe you don't have a partner and you're not interested in
• 2:11
  masturbation, which I do encourage because there's a lot of health benefits from it.
• 2:16
  But let's say you're not interested in any of those things.
• 2:19
  There's still the ability to get all of these amazing hormones in other ways, but one of the
• 2:25
  best ways as far as the large amount of oxytocin get that gets released is truly with
• 2:30
  orgasm.
• 2:31
  So with climax, the we're gonna talk a lot about female climax today because there's just
• 2:38
  a lot of misunderstanding about female climate climax and a lot of confusion.
• 2:43
  Right?
• 2:44
  And so much of this, I think, is related to what we are taught, how we're taught about sex.
• 2:50
  Most of the time when we're talking about sex, most of us, the best education we got
• 2:56
  oftentimes is that in grade school.
• 2:58
  And largely, it was just something that we do as humans to procreate.
• 3:04
  And of course, there's so much more to sex than procreation.
• 3:07
  There's so many more benefits to sex than procreation.
• 3:10
  That is just one thing that can that can happen with it with intimacy.
• 3:15
  Now, because oftentimes we are not taught about that, we are not taught about what does it take
• 3:23
  to actually, you know, reach climax.
• 3:26
  We see so many times in medical textbooks that the description of how we get to climax an
• 3:32
  orgasm is really described for women very, very similar that it is described for men.
• 3:39
  And we all know from our own experiences that that's probably not very true for most of us.
• 3:44
  Right?
• 3:45
  That the experience of getting to climax is actually quite different for females as
• 3:49
  compared to males.
• 3:51
  And so because of that, because of the lack of training around that, oftentimes, there is
• 3:57
  this, like, shame we feel around climax.
• 3:59
  There's this shame we feel around maybe not being able to get to climax.
• 4:02
  There's this shame we feel around, like, why is it taking this, you know, me so long, or why is
• 4:07
  it taking my partner so long?
• 4:08
  And oftentimes in a hetero relationship, there can be scenarios where the man might feel a
• 4:15
  little bit, bad.
• 4:17
  Right?
• 4:18
  That that he's not able to get his partner to climax every time or sometimes or at all or
• 4:24
  faster or any of that.
• 4:25
  And and we are not taught about the nuances of how the arousal process and the climax process
• 4:33
  is very, very different.
• 4:34
  So let's break down why it could be hard to get to climax.
• 4:39
  So there's a few different things.
• 4:40
  We wanna definitely consider any sort of nerve damage.
• 4:45
  So there can be nerve damage.
• 4:46
  We know that the nerves of the pelvic floor really influence orgasm.
• 4:52
  We know that the pudendal nerve really influences orgasm and pleasure.
• 4:57
  We know that the vagus nerve, which is the tenth cranial nerve, will really influence,
• 5:02
  pleasure as well.
• 5:04
  So all of these different nerves can influence our pleasure.
• 5:07
  What's really important to understand is the pudendal nerve is the main nerve that goes to
• 5:12
  the clitoris.
• 5:13
  And since we have these different types of nerves, these different nerves that go to
• 5:18
  different parts of female anatomy, what winds up happening is in studies where they sever a
• 5:25
  nerve, they can act in animal studies, they can actually still cause orgasm by triggering
• 5:30
  another nerve.
• 5:32
  So that's something to understand is that if there's trauma to nerves that can actually
• 5:36
  influence orgasm, But we have backup, you know, supply around bringing these nerves to
• 5:42
  different areas.
• 5:43
  So it might be, for example, if the pudendal nerve is injured which goes to the clitoris, it
• 5:48
  might be much diff more difficult to have a clitoral orgasm.
• 5:53
  But there's still vaginal orgasm available.
• 5:55
  There's still cervical orgasms available.
• 5:58
  Right?
• 5:58
  There's still different orgasm orgasms at for different erotic tissue or erogenous tissue, I
• 6:04
  mean, around the body.
• 6:05
  So because of that, we wanna think, okay.
• 6:07
  Well, nerve damage can definitely create a problem.
• 6:11
  And so with that, we have to think about what nerve like, what could damage the nerve.
• 6:15
  So, yes, there can be trauma.
• 6:18
  You know, trauma like car accidents, for example, structural trauma where something's
• 6:23
  impacting their body can absolutely cause things.
• 6:26
  But even basic things like blood sugar.
• 6:28
  So a lot of people with blood sugar issues know the term peripheral neuropathy where there's,
• 6:34
  like, numbness and tingling in the in the hands and the feet.
• 6:38
  Guess what?
• 6:39
  Our genitals are also involved in that.
• 6:42
  And we see like, there's even one study that shows that for those with diabetes or blood
• 6:48
  sugar imbalances, there's an eleven percent chance of an increase of peripheral neuropathy
• 6:55
  at the clitoris, and there is a twenty four percent chance of decreased ability to orgasm.
• 7:02
  Right?
• 7:02
  So fundamentally, when we're having issues and we're having challenges with orgasm, we wanna
• 7:10
  come back to the root causes.
• 7:12
  Right?
• 7:12
  So we wanna think about structure.
• 7:14
  We wanna make sure that our structure's in alignment since we do have so many nerves that
• 7:18
  come out of that pelvic bowl area.
• 7:21
  If our pelvis is out of alignment, let's say, like for me, an example of how that could
• 7:26
  happen would be I'm an avid snowboarder.
• 7:28
  Right?
• 7:28
  So occasionally, not often at this point, but occasionally I still fall.
• 7:33
  I'm still pushing myself and I might land on my butt.
• 7:36
  And in that case, that would be an example of a simple life, you know, trauma around, oh, I
• 7:43
  just landed on my butt a little hard and all of a sudden, I could potentially throw my
• 7:46
  structure out of place, pinching one of those nerves of the pelvic floor and preventing that
• 7:52
  nerve signal to my entire genital erogenous area.
• 7:58
  Right?
• 7:58
  So that could lead to something like lack of sensation or or or orgasm challenges,
• 8:05
  anorgasmia.
• 8:06
  And so one of the things structure wise, we wanna make sure our bones are in place.
• 8:11
  We wanna make sure our pelvic floor is really solid.
• 8:14
  And then we also see there's a huge influx of blood flow that really is needed to engorge the
• 8:20
  tissues.
• 8:21
  And so, for example, that just like we have this nerve called the pudendal nerve, which is
• 8:26
  actually signaling the clitoris part to to feel.
• 8:31
  Right?
• 8:31
  So it's part of that feeling, that that ability to sense enjoyment in the clitoral tissue.
• 8:36
  Well, part of that also comes from the, like, part of the the clitoral abnormality, say, if
• 8:42
  we're having an orgasm problem, then we could say that there's lack there could be lack of
• 8:47
  blood flow.
• 8:47
  And the pludendal artery is the artery that is responsible for bringing out blood flow to the
• 8:53
  clitoris.
• 8:54
  And not just the clitoral head, not just the part that you can see, but also to, like, the
• 8:58
  the clitoral legs as they're called, which extend through our labia.
• 9:03
  And so in all of that is the pudendal artery, the pudendal nerve, which bring energy, which
• 9:08
  bring that blood flow to that area.
• 9:11
  So we really wanna make sure blood flow's really good.
• 9:14
  That's where we get into nutrients like citrulline.
• 9:17
  So blood flow, nerves, and I think it's really important to also name that when we're talking
• 9:25
  about climax, when we're talking about orgasm, especially if if somebody is anorgasmic or
• 9:31
  especially if you haven't had an orgasm in a long time, there can be this pressure.
• 9:36
  Right?
• 9:36
  So I mentioned the pressure a little bit.
• 9:37
  There can be this bidirectional pressure.
• 9:40
  And and I've actually even seen that in myself, right, where I've you know, I I had have had a
• 9:45
  couple partners in the past.
• 9:46
  I get so hyper focused on the end result.
• 9:52
  And then I feel this pressure that if they're not going to that that I'm gonna let them down,
• 9:57
  right, if I don't get there.
• 9:58
  And my and then there that creates that level of pressure that all of a sudden is can be
• 10:05
  stressful.
• 10:05
  Right?
• 10:06
  So it's like, oh, you know, we don't we tend to not want to let our partners down.
• 10:09
  So there there is that level of then, well, I feel so much pressure.
• 10:13
  You can feel so much pressure to orgasm because of this expectation that you might not orgasm
• 10:19
  just because of that pressure.
• 10:21
  So it's really important that as you are experimenting with some of the things that I'm
• 10:26
  gonna talk about next, the goal is to enjoy.
• 10:31
  The goal is to feel pleasure.
• 10:32
  The goal is to relax.
• 10:34
  The the enjoy the goal is to be present in your body.
• 10:38
  Orgasm and climax does is an act.
• 10:40
  One of the things I talk a lot about is like, it's an act of being present.
• 10:44
  If our mind is not present on our body and our body sensations, then it's very difficult to
• 10:51
  orgasm because we're not actually feeling the the pleasure of what's happening there.
• 10:55
  So we do wanna keep our mind on the pleasure.
• 10:57
  We that's an extremely important component of this.
• 11:00
  And so if we can just focus on that without worrying about that end result, that can that
• 11:05
  typically will help a lot.
• 11:07
  Now I wanted to bring up the concept when we're talking about climax of different types of
• 11:12
  orgasms.
• 11:12
  For example, a g spot orgasm, a cervical orgasm, a clitoral orgasm.
• 11:19
  There's other orgasms that have been found as well.
• 11:22
  The point of what I wanna say here is I have a I have kind of a different opinion of, like,
• 11:29
  what some other some other people say online.
• 11:32
  Like, some people, when they're talking about different orgasms, they talk about cervical
• 11:37
  orgasms as being the, this pinnacle orgasm of, like, this place to get to of, like, oh, it's
• 11:44
  like the orgasm of all orgasms.
• 11:47
  And my my perspective on orgasms really is that they're all wonderful and they all provide
• 11:54
  healing.
• 11:55
  And they might you know, they they they do different things and from a standpoint of
• 12:00
  experience.
• 12:01
  Right?
• 12:01
  So for many people, cervical orgasms can feel very, like, ethereal.
• 12:07
  It almost can feel like one is leaving their body.
• 12:10
  It can feel like one is connected to something that is so much bigger than them.
• 12:16
  Right?
• 12:16
  So different types of orgasms can produce different results.
• 12:21
  Right?
• 12:21
  Some can lead to more shaking.
• 12:23
  Some can lead to more clenching, more more contracting.
• 12:27
  Another orgasm myth out there is that all orgasms are rhythmic contractions.
• 12:34
  And, no, studies have shown that not every woman will report rhythmic contractions when
• 12:39
  she's experienced other and when there's other physical signs in a laboratory in laboratory
• 12:44
  studies, there's other physical signs of her having an orgasm.
• 12:48
  Contractions are there for most women, but not all.
• 12:52
  So that's another thing to understand is, like, just like anything in health, just like
• 12:56
  anything in our bodies, we respond differently to different types of food.
• 13:02
  We respond different to different types of exercise.
• 13:04
  Like, we're all unique humans in this world, and our experience of climax and orgasm is all
• 13:10
  very different.
• 13:11
  And that's one of the take home points I wanted to really make sure to say in this episode.
• 13:17
  And I wanted to say that because it's so easy to, like, to read online and to get, like, oh,
• 13:23
  wow.
• 13:23
  This, like, holy holy grail of orgasms is a cervical orgasm.
• 13:27
  I just have to get there.
• 13:28
  And it's and it's an amazing experience and it's also one of these things where you're not
• 13:35
  doing anything wrong if that's not not an orgasm that you've had access to yet.
• 13:39
  And there are practices that you can do to begin to have more access.
• 13:45
  But I personally the the other point is, like, I personally just don't believe that this that
• 13:50
  there's this one orgasm that's so much better than, you know, all orgasms.
• 13:55
  Like, sometimes, cervical orgasms are so intense for women that they just would rather
• 14:01
  prefer one of these other orgasms.
• 14:02
  Right?
• 14:03
  And so the idea with this with that, you know, with that is allowing your own experience to be
• 14:10
  yours.
• 14:11
  And then another thing that I wanna bring up with this whole process around intimacy, around
• 14:16
  climax is the the idea of of radically having orgasms.
• 14:23
  Right?
• 14:24
  Radical orgasms.
• 14:25
  And these types of orgasms, there's different people that use different terms for this, but I
• 14:31
  think these types of orgasms orgasms are brilliant for healing.
• 14:36
  And that's one of my favorite things about climax.
• 14:39
  That's one of my favorite things about intimacy is the health benefits are they're so deep, and
• 14:45
  we're still learning so many things about the health benefits.
• 14:48
  But so many of us, as humans, all of us really, have different stories, different beliefs that
• 14:55
  guide our lives.
• 14:56
  Right?
• 14:57
  And so many of these stories, sometimes they can cause us suffering.
• 15:01
  Right?
• 15:01
  In in sickness, people that have been sick for a long time oftentimes have the story of never
• 15:08
  gonna be well.
• 15:09
  Right?
• 15:10
  We can have the story of never being able to find love.
• 15:12
  We can have the story of, you know, our belly being too large and nobody ever loving us.
• 15:18
  We can have so many different stories.
• 15:20
  And these stories can create a lot of stress, and they can create a lot of trauma, and they
• 15:25
  can create a lot of stress hormones and a lot of anxiety.
• 15:29
  Well, we see in in studies that one of the best ways to reprogram our brain is through a
• 15:38
  combination of changing our brain state and really dropping into a particular feeling.
• 15:45
  And so what we can do with with radical orgasm, so we can do both those things.
• 15:50
  So our brain state is changing the more the neurochemicals get released.
• 15:55
  And with that, we have the ability to reprogram and to have our partner help us reprogram our
• 16:02
  brain.
• 16:03
  So it's a beautiful thing, you know, right at that point of climax, if you or your partner,
• 16:10
  both of you guys can take turns whispering things into each other's ears that you want the
• 16:16
  other person or the other person's trying to repatter.
• 16:19
  Right?
• 16:19
  So if that point at climax, you're whispering into the other person's ear that they are just
• 16:24
  the most wonderful human, that they are the most beautiful human being, that the love is so
• 16:32
  deep, that you see all of these amazing qualities.
• 16:35
  And anything else that say you're trying to reprogram, that they are safe, that they are
• 16:41
  successful, that they are not an imposter, like like anything that could come up.
• 16:45
  Right?
• 16:46
  Those kind of things can be reprogrammed at that moment and that feeling state, those
• 16:51
  that's like a really, really can be a really tear jerking kind of orgasm because you're
• 16:57
  actually deeply reprogramming the con the subconscious.
• 17:01
  And this is one of the things that I feel like is oftentimes not talked about with with the
• 17:06
  concept of climax.
• 17:07
  And so same thing, like, when we're talking about okay.
• 17:10
  Well, if you have not experienced orgasm or you've lost your orgasm, where do you start?
• 17:16
  Well, start with making sure your structure is good.
• 17:20
  Pelvic floor health, we talk about that throughout this podcast on other episodes.
• 17:25
  Talk look at blood sugar.
• 17:27
  Look at insulin.
• 17:28
  Right?
• 17:28
  So make sure you do a fasting insulin because insulin will oftentimes go out of balance
• 17:33
  before other markers, before glucose or hemoglobin a one c, these other blood sugar
• 17:38
  markers.
• 17:39
  So we wanna make sure we're looking at insulin as well.
• 17:42
  And so you wanna make sure that you are doing these things that are causing that are
• 17:47
  preventing your nerves from from, you know, firing incorrectly.
• 17:51
  Make sure your blood flow is good.
• 17:53
  Make sure you don't have high blood pressure, high cholesterol.
• 17:56
  All of those things can change that blood flow to the genital area.
• 18:00
  So and then, you know, working on those, but then also making sure that you're working on
• 18:05
  any of that mental those mental stories, working on being present, and then working on
• 18:12
  feeling pleasure.
• 18:13
  So much of the time, we hold tension in the pelvic floor.
• 18:16
  And another thing that I I see is there's a huge relationship with clenching of the jaw to
• 18:22
  clenching of the pelvic floor.
• 18:23
  So if you're a jaw clencher or a jaw grinder, it's very, very likely that you're actually
• 18:28
  holding a lot of tension in your pelvic floor.
• 18:30
  Not only can that impact the nerves and the climax that we're talking about here, but that
• 18:35
  can also make it so that it just doesn't feel very good.
• 18:38
  Right?
• 18:39
  It just doesn't feel that that great.
• 18:41
  Some studies have shown that that wand or vibrators used three times a week for twelve
• 18:48
  weeks can have a five times reduction of pelvic pain.
• 18:51
  And some of what's the thinking behind that, it's bringing more blood flow.
• 18:54
  It's helping that muscle that's maybe over tight to relax.
• 18:58
  And when we use various sorts of sexual massagers, sexual wands, oftentimes then we can
• 19:03
  get more blood flow.
• 19:05
  We can help that tissue relax so we can begin to have more exciting and more euphoric
• 19:12
  experiences.
• 19:13
  So please do remember that this is sexy season.
• 19:19
  Sexy season is all summer long.
• 19:21
  And in sexy season, one of the things we're doing this year is we are giving a ton of
• 19:27
  things away for people that rate and review our podcast.
• 19:30
  So we wanna get this word out.
• 19:33
  One of the best ways there's not a awesome way, in our in our world yet of talking about these
• 19:40
  really important topics.
• 19:42
  And so podcasts are really one of the best ways of getting information like this out to more
• 19:47
  people, and your ratings, reviews does really help us reach more people.
• 19:53
  And so if you rate us, if you review us, please take a screenshot of that, Send us in that in,
• 19:59
  and we have workshops and bonuses.
• 20:02
  And one lucky winner will win a a deep dive, a thousand dollar value for my twenty one day
• 20:09
  desired libido jump start course.
• 20:11
  So we go through a ton of things in that.
• 20:13
  We get some, you know, time interfacing, and it's super wonderful.
• 20:18
  So please do make sure you send in your reviews so we can get you in our raffles.
• 20:22
  And that's really it.
• 20:23
  So let me know if you guys have any other questions about this topic.
• 20:28
  Always excited to do follow ups on this and bring in more guests on this topic as well.
• 20:34
  And this is doctor d signing off, reminding you to always stay classy, always be sexy, and
• 20:40
  always remember to be a little badassy.
• 20:43
  We'll see you next time.