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Lazy or Exhausted? Understanding the Root of Your Marital Friction · Doing Marriage Well

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  Doing Marriage Well for May 13, 2026 Lazy or Exhausted?
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  Understanding the Root of Your Marital Friction One reason we make poor choices
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  in marriage could be called laziness.
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  What we should do would take time and effort we're not willing to change.
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  Change is hard, so we settle for living with what is.
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  If you make bad marriage choices because of personal comfort,
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  or just not being willing to expel the energy, that's clearly a you problem
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  that you need to deal with.
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  Left unchecked, this will kill your marriage. But I want to take a deeper look at this.
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  If your spouse is being lazy in how they treat you, then it's not just about you.
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  If you recognize this is happening, you can choose to do what is right.
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  As I suggested on Monday, you can also choose to talk to your spouse about where
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  they are falling short. But what if it's not laziness?
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  Psychologists say perceived laziness can be a symptom of such things as burnout,
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  low motivation, or detachment.
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  Burnout is a growing issue in our too busy, too stressed world.
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  Burnout kills our ability to
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  do things. It's not that we're too lazy to act, we just don't feel able.
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  Burnout external to the marriage can do this, or it can be marriage burnout specifically.
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  Low motivation can be a lifelong thing, probably based on our childhood.
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  It can also be situational. If your marriage does little for you,
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  it's difficult to be motivated to spend the energy to change it.
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  This is especially true if you've tried and failed or you are convinced your
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  spouse is unwilling to change.
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  Detachment can keep you from being aware of needs or problems.
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  It may look like you don't care, but you can't care when you don't have a clue.
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  Additionally, detachment can cause or worsen low motivation.
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  Detachment can be about your marriage or it could be from your past.
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  If you think your spouse is being lazy, perhaps it's something else.
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  Burnout, low motivation, and detachment should be dealt with differently than
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  laziness. If you accuse them of laziness when it's not that, you just alienate them.
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  The same considerations apply when you feel that you're being lazy.
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  Is it really that, or is that an easy excuse to avoid admitting something more difficult?
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  This is Paul, reminding you that doing marriage well looks different for every couple.