Latest / Doing Marriage Well / The Crowded Bed: Clearing the Baggage for Better Sex

Transcript

The Crowded Bed: Clearing the Baggage for Better Sex · Doing Marriage Well

• 0:00
  Doing Marriage Well for April 3rd, 2026 The Crowded Bed, Clearing the Baggage
• 0:06
  for Better Sex We talked earlier this week about self-image.
• 0:10
  Our self-image has a massive impact on our sexuality, and it's a factor in many problems.
• 0:15
  Our sexual self-image was largely formed before we knew what sex was.
• 0:19
  Your parents' attitude about sex was communicated to you by their actions and
• 0:24
  words from birth onward.
• 0:26
  Things that happened later in life did shape us some, but for many,
• 0:29
  the blessing or harm was done before puberty.
• 0:32
  Girls tend to get the good girl, bad girl stuff, and good girls don't want or enjoy sex.
• 0:38
  They are taught their genitals are dirty. They are told boys can't control themselves,
• 0:42
  so they have to fight them off.
• 0:44
  Boys are taught they are slaves to their hormones, making them sexually selfish,
• 0:47
  and may see their penis as a monster that will hurt their wife if they don't resist it.
• 0:52
  Most of us have guilt and shame about our sexuality.
• 0:55
  It could be about something we did in the past. It could be something that was
• 0:58
  done to us. Many feel some desire that they have is wrong.
• 1:02
  When we have sex, all our fears and brokenness are there in bed with us,
• 1:06
  along with our spouse's fear and brokenness.
• 1:08
  That can be so much baggage that sex is all but impossible.
• 1:12
  What does God say? God says your sex organs are good, very good even.
• 1:17
  He says that what you do with them in marriage is a beautiful thing.
• 1:21
  He urges us to share and explore our sexuality of our spouse and to enjoy doing so a great deal.
• 1:27
  Have you ever examined your sexual self-image? How do you feel about your sexual
• 1:31
  parts? How do you feel about what you do with those parts?
• 1:34
  What about the things you don't like to do? Why don't you want to do those things?
• 1:39
  Dig below, because. What's really going on? Where does any of this conflict with what God says?
• 1:44
  How might your sex life change if you felt positive about your sexuality?
• 1:49
  What if you felt sex with your spouse was right and even sacred?
• 1:52
  What if it was okay to really enjoy sex?
• 1:55
  What if it felt right and intimate rather than dirty or base?
• 1:59
  By the way, these things are not just for women.
• 2:02
  Many men feel guilty about their high sex drive, or what they would like to do sexually.
• 2:08
  Men also feel guilt over sex they know they pushed their wives into in the past.
• 2:13
  Many men have a love-hate relationship
• 2:15
  with sex. Such things are as detrimental to sex as her baggage.
• 2:19
  Ideally, you and your spouse talk about all these things together.
• 2:23
  Share all the negative stuff you feel about sex. Talk about where that comes from.
• 2:28
  Support each other and repeat truth to each other. Then, together,
• 2:32
  walk away from the bad and into the sex life God wants for you.
• 2:36
  This is Paul, and doing sex well is a process.
• 2:40
  Related Resource Sexual Brokenness and Healing with Dan Allender and Jay Stringer
• 2:45
  There's a link in the show notes.