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Top 5 Take Aways from Annual Marriage Conference · Long Haul Marriage Roadcast

• 0:22
  Speaker 1: What's up?
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: Maybe you ready?
• 0:28
  Speaker 3: Yes, I c like that was my first time to
• 0:30
  Speaker 3: talk today, but it maybe came out.
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: You just came in from what is it like eighteen degrees?
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: Wouldn't you doing a little yoga outside?
• 0:40
  Speaker 3: Yes, and it was very cold.
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: So I'm very appreciative of this blanket and the heater
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: you have on our little floor heater whatever that's called.
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: I'm wondering it's a space heater. But I'm wondering if
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: that space heater is too loud, too loud. Probably not,
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: since our vocal mics are really good, We're probably ready.
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: But yeah, I had that on. I forgot because i'd
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: done a little polar plunge today. My feet were cold
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: after work. I did the workout after the polar plunge,
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: and man, everything, all the blood is going to my
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: major organ so the extremities suffer. My feet were well,
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: it's good to be home, Yes it is. We had
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: a big weekend, a big weekend, So tell everybody about
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: our weekend. What do we do?
• 1:26
  Speaker 3: Well? We went to the EXO Marriage Conference.
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: In Big Hey, Hey. To Brandon and Lindsey Charles, We're
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: just going to call you guys out.
• 1:36
  Speaker 3: They are going to be listening.
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: I promise they They always make us feel good when
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: we talk to them. Were like in that latest episode
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: when we.
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: Did our EXO Marriage Mediation certification training, they were there.
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: That's where we met them. They ran at our table
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: and yeah, and tell them what they did for us.
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: Well, it was very, very very sweet. They ask what
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: are y'all doing over Valentine's weekend? And I said, well,
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: I don't really know. I said, we were trying to
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: figure out a date we usually do something. We didn't
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: get to do it this year, but y'all let us
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: know if you want us to do this again. For
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: several years, we've done a special thing at Valentine's Day
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: where we have we make dinner. Brian makes his famous
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: spaghetti sauce and I make my mom's Italian salad and
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: we just have a really nice dinner and invite any
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: ladies over who think that Valentine sucks like they're just
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: they don't love it. So anyway, we were trying to
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: figure out what night we might do that we'll win.
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: Brandon and Lindsay asked what are y'all doing over Valentine's weekend?
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: We said, you know, we're not really sure, we're trying
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: to figure out, you know, the date, blah blah blah,
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: and they said, well, if you don't have hard and
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: fast plans, we have plans for you. We bought extra
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: tickets to the marriage conference. We have a couple of
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: nights at the Weston in South Lake, Hey, hey, and
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: dinner reservations on Thursday night. And we said, you know what,
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: let's do it. So I think more and more you
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: and I are trying to say yes when it's you know,
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: makes sense to say.
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: It's been about probably i don't know, seven eight years
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: since we had been to an EXO marriage conference, and yeah,
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: we really do like doing something at least once a
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: year to invest into our own marriage. And for whatever reason,
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: we've been doing lots of other things and we haven't
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: done that one. And so man to get that invitation
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: and again get that sweet gift more than anything, just
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: the sweet gift of their new friends. Yeah, and what
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: a great couple.
• 3:45
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: So I'm excited too because soon and very soon, we
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: are going to have them on the podcast. So they
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: live in Arkansas, but we're going to do because of technology,
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: we're going to be able to that online with them.
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: A little zoom call and have them on the podcast
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: talking about the value of the marriage mediation that we
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: just became certified in. And when people hear the word mediation,
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: they usually think to force mediation, and this is reconciliation mediation.
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: And they have an incredible story to tell. They have
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: an incredible testimony about what that did for them and
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: what again, what a great couple.
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: Ye.
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: So thank you guys, and we can't wait for you
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: guys to meet them and hear their story.
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so thank you Brandon and Lindsay again for a
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: wonderful weekend.
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: So you know, you walk into this place and the
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: marriage conference and there's I think they said two thousand couples.
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: Were there two thousand couples? So first guys, if you're thinking,
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: oh my gosh, like I would never go to that
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: kind of thing. Yeah, you could see the look on
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: the guy's faces when we're all walking in. I mean
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: it's like there was everything from like panic to discuss
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: to what the heck am I doing here? And you
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: know I kind of felt a little bit of that myself,
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: maybe a lot of that myself, and it's like, oh,
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: there's just so many people and yeah, if you were
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: drag kicking and scream into that deal. Or if you've
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: if you've ever been drag kicking and scream into a deal,
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: you know that you know, once you got there and
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: once you went through it, and you you know, sometimes
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: I say you get out of something what you put
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: into it, but even if you didn't really you know,
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: put much into it, if you just halfway it just
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: opened yourself up to receiving good night. It was incredible, Yes,
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: what we got and and you know, we're going to
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: talk about some of the things that we heard, some
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: of the things that we learned, some of the things
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: that we were reminded of, you know, and some you know,
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: a lot of the speakers say these aren't maybe earth shattering, groundbreaking,
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: profound a truth so that I'm gonn to share with
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: you or something you've never heard, but the reminder of
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: how important they are, and just to put them into practice.
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: You know, you can hear all kinds of things, as
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: Paul talks about in First Corinthians. You know, you walk
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: it away and forgetting what you just saw in that mirror.
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: But so just learning some of the practical ways that
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: you can implement some of these things. But more than
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: anything being inspired again to do it, and I.
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: Think even just being in a space for you know,
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: a couple of days where people are focused on making
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: their marriages better, you know, I mean, we get involved
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: in work or what's going on in the world around us,
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: or politics or just you know, just whatever showing up
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: on TikTok, you know, or on the news, and so
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: your brain is just always on that. You know, you're
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: kind of on stress overload. And so to take two
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: days away and to see all of these couples in
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: the room that are focused on wanting to grow in
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: their marriage and just spend some fun time away, so
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: that to me was just encouraging. You know. It's like
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: what you focus on grows, and so if you're focused
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: on the negative that's happening in the world, or you know,
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: the negative that's going on in your marriage, but for
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: those two days, you pull away with all those couples
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: who probably have a million other things to be doing.
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: Most of them were younger than us, and so you know,
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: they had to have kids taken care of and you know,
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: all the things.
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: And although the demographic was all over the board, yeah,
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: it really was. I Mean sometimes you may think that
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: that may again, just just for whoever's out there listening
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: that thinks, man, you know, should I go, would it
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: be a bunch of younger couples? I mean, there are
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: tons of people that were our age or older even
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: just because but yeah, we're most of them. I just
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: think in most rooms we go to now, you know,
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: as matter of fact, I was gonna say people are
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: younger than us because we're we're old parts. But one
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: thing they did not do. They did the who's been
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: married the shortest time? You know, that a couple of
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: stays set up that had been married less than what
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: was it, two months? Two months? Yeah, but I wish
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: they would have done that who's been married the longest
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: kind of thing because that would have been fun. Yeah,
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: getting up there thirty five years.
• 8:24
  Speaker 3: I know, thirty six years and geez coming.
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah. So I wanted you to share the the you know,
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: some of the takeaways and just some of the things
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: that you were inspired by, some of the things you learned,
• 8:35
  Speaker 2: some of the things that really made an impact. And
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: let's just go kind of back and forth on that. Okay,
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: I know you took some notes. I took some notes.
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: I think you took maybe more than I did. But
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: so yeah, I'm gonna lean on you, okay, because once
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: you remind me of some of the things we can Yeah, let's.
• 8:55
  Speaker 3: Jump in, okay.
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: So one of the things that I was encouraged, one
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: of the well I guess he was the first speaker,
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: talked about the you know, the triangle of like the
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: ingredients of love, and he talked about this triangle of
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: your relationship, what builds a really strong marriage and so on.
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: If you think of it as a triangle, one side
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: is the passion, one side is the intimacy, and then
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: one side is the commitment. And so he said, you
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: can think of it as like the hot, warm and cold.
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: So the hot is the passion, that's the biological. The
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: other side of the triangle, the intimacy, is warm and
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: that's emotional. And then the bottom part of the triangle
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: is commitment. And he said that's the cold. So like
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: the days that's that's your you know, that's the will
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: side of it. So on the days that it's you know,
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: you're not feeling the passion or you're not feeling the intimacy,
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: that it's that commitment that whole you together.
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: You know, one of the things that struck me about that,
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: by the way, you heard her say the first speaker,
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: and he we're not gonna, you know, mention some of
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: the names of all the I think we'll mention a
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: few of them, but we just don't want you to
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: get hung up in case you've heard of these people
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: or don't like them. We don't want you to have
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: any bias against the people and not get the good
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: stuff out of it. I will say, this was doctor
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: les Parrot. So we've heard of doctor Less and Leslie
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: Parrott and this guy I love them, so we had
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: heard of them like twenty years ago. It's one of
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: their books that they wrote. But this was good stuff.
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: And what his main point that I took away with
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: that love is very fluid. It's just it's not the same.
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: The passion is not consistent, intimacy is not the consistent,
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: and your commitment, I mean, even though that's the most
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: important thing, you know, when these other things aren't. That's
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: got to be consistent. But he said, you know what,
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: that's not consistent. So so he talked about how fluid
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: it is, and so the energy level investment is so important.
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: That's the one on the cold you know, the commitment
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: how important that is, especially when those other two are waning.
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: And so going back full circle to your point about
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: just just investing in a weekend. Yeah, you know, so
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: that's just when that enthusiasm or energy level just not
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: there for your marriage. Saying I'm going to do this,
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: I mean that gave us. It's like a shot in
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: the arm and a big booster. As far as the commitment, Yeah.
• 11:29
  Speaker 3: It did.
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: And I appreciated how you talked about commitment. You know,
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: sometimes it does feel like just gutting it out. You know,
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: that's the thing that when you're when the others are
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: kind of waning, that your commitment, you just gut it out.
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: But he said, commitment actually is the energy level that
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: you're bringing to the relationships. So if you find yourself
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: just gutting it out, like you know, all the time,
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: like you know, time for a tune up or an overhaul.
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: But I appreciated how he said, it's not just the
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: gutting it out like commitment, Like I'm not okay, I'm
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: not gonna quit, I'm not going to divorce. You know what,
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: what is the energy level that you're bringing to your marriage?
• 12:10
  Speaker 3: And how can you up that just a little bit.
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: Right, and you know, so then he showed the inverted
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: Bell curve of marital satisfaction and so you just picture
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: your your curve, so on the left, access to satisfaction
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: and then time on the bottom. And so it said,
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: you know, he's talking about how obviously marriages start, you know,
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: in the honeymoon phase at at first initial falling in
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: love and that initial attraction. So you're way up in
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: the top left of that graph, your way.
• 12:39
  Speaker 3: Up at the top, way satisfied.
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: And then he talks about how the arrows as time
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: goes the arrow has just started going down, down, down, down,
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: and then as it goes to the right down there
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: right there in the middle of that graph, you know,
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: at the bottom again the inverted Bell curve was that
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: the lowest level of satisfaction. And he talked about how
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: many couples that's and they bail. That's when they quit.
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: And what they don't see is that if you follow
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: that Bell curve. So so you know, you made it
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: through the difficulties, you didn't quit, you got the help,
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: you know, yeah, you had the kids, and you drifted
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: apart during raising kids. If you didn't you know, really
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: invest in each other, the empty nest came and you
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: didn't know each other because you never invest in your
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: marriage and you bailed in. But if you actually do
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: the work and commit that. He talked about how satisfaction
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: as it goes time goes and you've gone from the
• 13:32
  Speaker 2: bottom of that bell curve, all of a sudden it
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: starts going up, up, up, and as it goes to
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: the right, it goes up. Higher levels of satisfaction are
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: reported in couples, even higher once you stick it out
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: and you've made it in, you know, for the long haul.
• 13:48
  Speaker 2: These thirty five and forty five and fifty five year
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: married couples, their satisfaction level is up higher than when
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: they started, and that is reported, that is all the time,
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: and we just people don't know that because obviously they
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: didn't experience that they quit. Yeah, so that was so
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: so cool to see.
• 14:06
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I found that.
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: I just felt like that was so encouraging because all
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: throughout his talk you just felt he like he normalized
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: when you feel that kind of blaw feeling, like when
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: you you know, if you're not completely satisfied, you know,
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: or if you don't feel that deep intimacy, or if
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: the passion is kind of gone like, that's okay, you know,
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: that's normal. The best of couples go through seasons like that,
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: And so I think that's why we we kind of
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: carry the banner and say, don't give up, you know,
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: until you've turned over every rock and you know, gone
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: to a conference or gone to a retreat or gotten
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: some help, talk to somebody, you know, because I think
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: sometimes what happens is people start to feel that lull,
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: like the satisfaction and goes down. They're kind of on
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: that downward spiral of the bell curve and they start
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: to fall prey to oh gosh, I can't live the
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: rest of my life like this is this is horrible.
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: This isn't the way it's supposed to be. They talk
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: to friends who are like, no, you deserve better, you
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: you know, life doesn't have to be you know, you
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: can or they watch you know, read books or watch
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: you know, The Bachelor, watch movies that make you feel like, wow,
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: the grass is greener on that side. Maybe maybe I
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: do need to think of, you know, getting out of
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: this marriage or whatever. And you know, I think what
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: I received from his talk the most was like, all
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: that's normal to feel that and get some help, you know,
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: before you just throw in the towel. I'm not saying
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: it's always gonna last forever with everybody, you know there
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: there are reasons why people aren't going to stay together.
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: But I think there are marriages, there are relationships that
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: could be saved if they didn't fall prey to Is
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: this as good as it's going to get? It's that
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: that trajectory can start going up again. You know, that
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: satisfaction can increase. You can forgive, you can you know
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: there will be better days ahead.
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: You know, you said something real key, and that's why
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: we laugh so hard. It's like these people up there,
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: they're not trying to be comedians. I mean, some of
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: them are, you know. Some of them are just naturally
• 16:30
  Speaker 2: really funny, you know, and they've done this enough to
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: where you know they know the hot buttons that are
• 16:35
  Speaker 2: going to get all the laughs. You know, all the
• 16:38
  Speaker 2: things to win a woman, you know, write love notes
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: and you know, bring your flowers, bring your candy, you know,
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: share openly your heart. And with men, how to win
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: a man show up naked and bring food and everybody
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: just cracks up. And then you say, and the food
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: is optional. Yeah, but there's a reason why we're all laughing,
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: even if they're not trying to be funny. It's because
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: they're normalizing stuff. They're talking about stuff that's so common
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: and just being in that room and hearing that we're
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: not the only ones going through that. You know, we're
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: not some deeply flawed marriage. And yeah, some of them
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: are hanging by a thread. Many of them are are
• 17:20
  Speaker 2: hanging by a thread. But many of them they're not
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: as far gone as they think they are. They've just
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: lost hope because they think, man, my spouse is just
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: an idiot, you know, or she just doesn't get me.
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: And when they start hearing no, this is normal stuff
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: that everybody has to work. There was just something about
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: the strength and numbers, two thousand couples in there. Yeah, going, man,
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: we're all in this together and we can do this.
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: Let's work on this.
• 17:46
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: So I love the the you know, like you said,
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: normalizing this stuff.
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And then also he talked about, you know, on
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: that the triangle of love. I don't remember what he
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: called it, but where he you know, talked about the
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: one side was the passion, the other part of the
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: triangle was innmacy, and then the other part was commitment.
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: Did you say one's biological, The passion is biological, yea,
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: the intimacy is emotional. Yeah, you did that, okay.
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: But he talked about how like you would have like
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: a conversation with your spouse, which when he was talking
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: about this, I thought, how many times you and I
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: have even on this podcast, talked about pulling away, sitting
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: in the backyard, having intentional conversations, just like this morning,
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: doing our vision meeting for the week and for life,
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: you know, just having intentional conversations. And so he said,
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: have this conversation with your spouse, how's your love life?
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: And you could just you know, you know, say you're
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: sitting down to dinner. You know, you've you've gone out,
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: and it doesn't have to be such a contentious, you know,
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: contentious talk if you like, keep that conversation open. You know,
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: it's not like once every year you do it. You know,
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: it's like a once a week thing that one of
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: you says, Okay, how's your love life? And you can
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: grab a piece of paper or napkin and and you
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: chart it, you do, like from so the line going
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: down the side of the page is like one at
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: the bottom all the way to ten at the top,
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: so one being the lowest, ten being the highest, and
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: then at the bottom, and.
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: You rate your passion, intimacy, passion, intimacy, and commitment evaluating yourself.
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: That's the here.
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so you say, here's where I am, you know,
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: so so, babe, here's where I am with passion. If
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: I just say one to ten, where I am with passion,
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: And it's not really anything to do with you. It's
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: where how I'm feeling at the moment and my passion,
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: how I'm feeling as far as you know, our intimacy,
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: and how I'm feeling, you know, on my commitment level. Again,
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: what kind of energy not just gutting it out commitment,
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: but what kind of energy am I bringing to the marriage.
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: And so just kind of doing a little you know,
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: rating your self one to ten where you are, you know,
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: in your your love life and then you know, kind
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: of just talking about that. It's just a great conversation starter.
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: So I thought that was a great.
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And when people hear that and think, oh, yeah,
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: that's the conversation starter, I want to have it at
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: freaking date. We go out to dinner and we start there.
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: But it's when you start, like you said that we've
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: done it kind of the unconscious competent even though we
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: didn't know what it was called. And we you know,
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: don't have an app or don't have his book or whatever,
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: just learning to do these things. And the safer you
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: feel with your spouse, the more open you're going to be.
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: And again that's obviously we hear that all the time.
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: A lot of times you have become your spouse has
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: become a place where it's not an emotionally safe to
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: sit down and have an honest, you know, talk about
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: how you're feeling. And that's where you may need, you know,
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: to have somebody to help facilitate a conversation, help you
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: have a productive conversation about where why that that partner's
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: not emotionally safe, you know they get defensive, or why
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: they seems like they shut down or stonewall. Maybe they're
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: filling attack, that's why they're defensive. Maybe you're coming at
• 21:07
  Speaker 2: them a little strong or with a harsh tone. Maybe
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: your resentment's got the better of you and you can't
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: even see any attempt. So there's so many things that
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: can break down, you know, break that down. But I
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: love if you start practicing that it can become a
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: lot more natural.
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: Because I can see where there were there would be
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: probably lots of seasons in our thirty five years of
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: marriage where we could not have really sat down and
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: had a you know, a civil conversation about how's our
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: love life? And I mean we would have been defensive.
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: It would have started a fight. And that is a
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: I think a major light on the dashboard when you
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: cannot even sit down and have a conversation like this.
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: So I feel like we've we have definitely moved into
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: the area where it's you know, we don't get defensive.
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: You know, it's not about you. A lot of times
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: it's about me. You know, I don't feel passionate about
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: in our marriage because I don't really feel passionate about my.
• 22:09
  Speaker 3: Life right now.
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: Or you know, if I'm not feeling you know, the
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: intimacy in our marriage, it's I'm not really feeling you know,
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: intimacy with God right now. Or I'm not super self aware,
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: I'm super distracted and you know, too busy or whatever.
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: So a lot of times it comes back to me
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: it's not just pointing to you, but man, that just
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: having those open conversations can bring so much understanding and
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: so much intimacy I think into your marriage.
• 22:40
  Speaker 3: So that's something to shoot for.
• 22:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so and I so shifting gears. Another couple of
• 22:47
  Speaker 2: the speakers talked about sex, and they talked about, you know,
• 22:50
  Speaker 2: intimacy but also just sex. And you know, obviously there's
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: a difference, right, you can have sex and have zero
• 22:56
  Speaker 2: intimacy and you can have intimacy and have no sex.
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: I love when there's both, right, we want to have both.
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: And so they they talked about and I loved how
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: some of them were just very general and the one
• 23:08
  Speaker 2: girl got very into the weeds about and diagnosed really
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: why so many couples are not having sex, and you know,
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: talking about and we'll come back to that, right, the
• 23:20
  Speaker 2: mental load. I want us to talk about that. Yeah,
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: the mental load that many women carry in the marriati
• 23:28
  Speaker 2: and family. So let's come back to that. I want
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: to start with Nona Jones, not Norah Jones, but Nona
• 23:34
  Speaker 2: Jones doctor The Doctor Terry Show. You can look at
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: te r R I The Doctor Terry Show podcast and
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: just you know, just go look that up and you know,
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: follow her and just just check out her research.
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I liked how doctor Terry talked about a lot
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: about hormones. It was all about in men and women.
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: You know, the importance.
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: Yes, yes, yes, there you go. It's about hormones. So
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: what That's what I loved because before we got into
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: you know, the weeds about some of the things that
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: is shutting down intimacy, she just talked about how and
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: I think you can correct me if I'm wrong. I
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: think she said like forty seven percent of couple's report
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: not having had sex in like over a year. I mean,
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: that's how. And the dogs are about to go nuts
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: because somebody just pulled up. But when so, a lot
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: of couples are having less sex in their marriage. And
• 24:30
  Speaker 2: you know, again you can point to a lot of
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: different reasons, but one of the reasons is just hormones.
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: You know, Testosterone is very important in men and women.
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: Estrogen is important in men and women. And obviously she
• 24:46
  Speaker 2: talked a lot about oxytocin. Oxytocin is the bonding chemical
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: in our brain, right, and it's this hormone that's released.
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: Now we know it's released when you have sex, right,
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: But here's what's interesting. Oxytocin is also released when you
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: have deep breaths, deep breathing, and she said that research shows,
• 25:09
  Speaker 2: and y'all can check us out on this, that a
• 25:11
  Speaker 2: twenty second hug releases as much oxytocin as an orgasm.
• 25:17
  Speaker 2: That's crazy twenty second hug. And of course there was
• 25:21
  Speaker 2: lots of jokes around that and lots of you know,
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: people laughing around the room.
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: So and then I loved it because she had to
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: stand up and do it, and I thought.
• 25:31
  Speaker 2: You know what, twenty that's our little hugging till you.
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so we kind of do that. I don't know
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: if we do twenty seconds. But I don't even know
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: where you heard this, but Brian heard on probably a
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: podcast or something about hug until you're calm. And so
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: sometimes when I'm running around being a busy beaver as always,
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: you know, you'll just kind of stop me in my
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: tracks and say, hey, hug until you're calm.
• 25:55
  Speaker 2: And it's not like tunny, I didn't know I taught
• 25:57
  Speaker 2: you that or I heard that. I thought you brought
• 25:59
  Speaker 2: that to me.
• 26:00
  Speaker 3: No, I don't.
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: I don't think it was me. I think it was you,
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: all right, but who knows, who knows? But it really
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: is not just I mean it's a very intentional stop
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: what you're doing. Big hug, not side hug like somebody
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: that you just run into that you barely know, but
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: like a full on, you know, a bear hug and
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: just kind of melt into each other, fall into each other.
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: For I mean, a good hugg into your column is
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: like you get ten fifteen, maybe twenty seconds.
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: It's it's in a long, prolonged hug that most people
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: you just used to that little quick, little pat on
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: the back and then you you know, release, but you
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: stay in it. And at first it may feel awkward
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: and you may feel like, yeah, this is going a
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: little long, but it's the you feel it when you
• 26:50
  Speaker 2: pass that point of like when I'm supposed to kind
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: of let go.
• 26:53
  Speaker 3: Yeah, like your pat pat pat were Doug, Yeah, you
• 26:56
  Speaker 3: keep going.
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: Feel your breath, you kind of release your breath, You
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: feel your muscles relax, and this I mean parasympathetic response.
• 27:04
  Speaker 2: Right you're in instead of this fight flight or for
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: eeaz that you you can literally change your end. I
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: mean you're changing your brain chemistry. That oxytocin release. That's incredible. Yeah,
• 27:14
  Speaker 2: and so yeah, we would we would urge you all
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: to practice the twenty second.
• 27:18
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so try it, try it. We want to hear
• 27:20
  Speaker 3: what you think.
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: I'd love to hear from anybody that tries the twenty
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: second hug.
• 27:27
  Speaker 2: But a huge I mean a huge takeaway there is
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: I mean when uh and it's not most people are
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: thinking because she's a woman or she's doctortarry and she
• 27:35
  Speaker 2: talks a lot about women's hormones. It was about men
• 27:38
  Speaker 2: and women, but how we are a sum total of
• 27:41
  Speaker 2: our brain chemistry and man the hormones in our body
• 27:44
  Speaker 2: that is released and that when they're out of whack,
• 27:48
  Speaker 2: I mean they're out of whack and there's no cheat
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: in it, right and that So that's so many people
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: think I don't love my partner, or I'm anxious or
• 27:56
  Speaker 2: I'm depressed, and so you know, I can't sleep and
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: she started talking about how we're taking Oh I can't
• 28:00
  Speaker 2: sleep here, take this pill and know I'm anxious to
• 28:02
  Speaker 2: take this bill, I'm depressed, take this pill. And it's
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: all hormonal. And these people think their life's over. You know,
• 28:08
  Speaker 2: my marriage is over and what's wrong with me? And
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: they haven't had a libido in you know, and they
• 28:14
  Speaker 2: haven't felt closed and they felt annoyed and I mean
• 28:17
  Speaker 2: and these and she talked about too, you know, a
• 28:21
  Speaker 2: couples specifically where the men just came in in tears
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: saying you like you gave me my wife back, like
• 28:27
  Speaker 2: you saved our marriage because she put them on you know,
• 28:31
  Speaker 2: the hormonal therapy that they needed and got them in balance.
• 28:35
  Speaker 2: But that was that was fascinating because of how many
• 28:39
  Speaker 2: people that she has treated over the years, and that
• 28:43
  Speaker 2: was the change. It wasn't that they needed some kind
• 28:45
  Speaker 2: of deep trauma therapy or some kind of marital intensive
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: It was they needed their their hormones to be balanced.
• 28:54
  Speaker 3: Yes, that was really cool.
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah, the story of that doctor that came in that
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: you were just saying, and you know, it was his
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: wife and his daughter had both been in to see her,
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: and she had just helped regulate their their hormones and
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: kind of tell them what was off. And he said,
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: thank you for giving me my wife my daughter. They're mimi,
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: you know, like watching them just come back to life
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: and have energy like they hadn't had. And so then
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: he was like, now I got to come see you
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: so I can keep up with him. So I thought
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: that was really cool. I think there's so much of
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: that that happens all throughout our lives, you know, and
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: you just you kind of poo poo those things away,
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: you know, you don't you just think, Wow, what's wrong
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: with them? You know?
• 29:40
  Speaker 3: So yeah, yeah, and this is good information.
• 29:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah, a lot of times that is the thing that
• 29:45
  Speaker 2: needs to be checked out. And so if you're thinking, man,
• 29:47
  Speaker 2: something's wrong, something's off. Yeah, and it's so funny. We're
• 29:50
  Speaker 2: quick to go get the you know, the antidepressants these days,
• 29:54
  Speaker 2: but I would have your hormones check.
• 29:56
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 29:57
  Speaker 2: But the other clinician who went into why so many
• 30:02
  Speaker 2: couples just have no interest in having sex? It's we
• 30:06
  Speaker 2: can talk about having kids, being busy, not feeling sexy.
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: I'm mommy, I'm not the you know, we're not going
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: on date nights anymore. You're not helping me around the house.
• 30:17
  Speaker 2: You know, all kinds of things. We're drifting apart. But
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: she just got very specific. She said she had like
• 30:24
  Speaker 2: literally pulled over seven hundred and fifty women and done
• 30:28
  Speaker 2: tons of research at Morgan Morgan cutlip, cut lips, cut LP. So,
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: so yeah, Morgan cutlip, and so I wanted you to
• 30:37
  Speaker 2: talk as a woman about this mental load that she said,
• 30:41
  Speaker 2: it's so it's invisible and it's hard to articulate. But
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: like the top thing that came out of her research
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: was how these women felt like they were single handedly
• 30:53
  Speaker 2: carrying the mental load of the family and the stress
• 30:57
  Speaker 2: that that caused, and then over time sometimes just resentment,
• 31:00
  Speaker 2: the lack of energy, and so that was shutting down
• 31:04
  Speaker 2: any desire for having sex with their husband.
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: And I'll use an example because I can't. I can't
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: remember her example because I was thinking of my own
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: as she was talking. But she said, you know, many times,
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: like there's so many just I mean, very quick thoughts
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: that go through a woman's brain when you just think
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: of one thing. So I was thinking of like when
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: the kids were younger, and I would make their lunch,
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: you know, before they went to school. And let's say
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: I would forget to get you know, slice turkey at
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: the store, and then I think, well, so then I
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: don't have what I need to make their lunch, and then,
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: you know, are they not going to feel loved because
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: I just throw some kind of crap into their lunch?
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: And you know, and then if they don't feel loved
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: by their mom, you know, what kind of things are
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: they going to start getting into you know, and are
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: they gonna grow up and have to go see a
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: counselor because they just felt like their mom never really
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: dedicated enough time or energy to love them, and they
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: may become you know, promiscuous, and you know, take all
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: of these wounds into a marriage. I mean, all of
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: this stuff from not having what you needed to make
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: their lunch just you know, or am I overfunctioning as
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: a mom. Maybe I shouldn't be the one making their lunch.
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: I should be teaching them. I shouldn't be doing it all.
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: And I'm just a crappy mother, you know. And so
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: you have all of these thoughts that's on one little
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: thing about making your kids lunch for school, Well that's
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: you know, that can be times a million of you know,
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: other things that happen around so just managing the home,
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: being a wife, being a mom, being a you know,
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: business owner, or working outside the home, whatever it is
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: you do. They're the woman just naturally takes on a
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: lot of that mental load. And we know that for
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: a woman to feel like she's in the mood quote
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: unquote to have sex like her, she has to really
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: be in that space, you know, her her mind needs
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: to be free so that she can be freed up
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: to love her husband and be in on that moment. Well,
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: we always have a million tabs open, and so when
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: are you ever going to feel it? And so how
• 33:27
  Speaker 1: she talked about like prepare your mind, like get ready
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: for that, you know, how can we what can we
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: do to share that load to where we don't feel
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: like we're carrying the mental load for the family.
• 33:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And what I loved it wasn't all about bashing men,
• 33:44
  Speaker 2: like yeah, you're no busy outside the home and you're working,
• 33:47
  Speaker 2: so you come home and you never help lift a finger,
• 33:50
  Speaker 2: and you're not helping me around the house, and you
• 33:51
  Speaker 2: don't know your kids. But there were a lot of
• 33:54
  Speaker 2: things though that she said. In other words, she did
• 33:57
  Speaker 2: she did, you know, get on the women's you know
• 33:59
  Speaker 2: case a little bit too. But it was that like
• 34:03
  Speaker 2: if you're gonna take care of some of those things,
• 34:05
  Speaker 2: you have to know, like you have to intimately know
• 34:08
  Speaker 2: your kids. So it is investing in your kids and
• 34:11
  Speaker 2: your family at a different level, I think. So that
• 34:15
  Speaker 2: was what I was hearing some of the men who
• 34:17
  Speaker 2: were like m and uh huh and amen, and preach it,
• 34:20
  Speaker 2: you know, it was that uh, it was that feeling that, yeah,
• 34:24
  Speaker 2: we could do a way better job at maybe putting down,
• 34:27
  Speaker 2: especially for some of these younger men, putting down the
• 34:30
  Speaker 2: video game controller, you know, turning off Netflix, maybe spending
• 34:36
  Speaker 2: one last night at the softball field or the you know,
• 34:40
  Speaker 2: out on the deer lease or in the boat and
• 34:44
  Speaker 2: really really plugging in. And you know, I mean, do
• 34:48
  Speaker 2: you know the kids schedule with the programs that are
• 34:51
  Speaker 2: coming up? Do you know what their homeworks? You know,
• 34:53
  Speaker 2: schedule is in the projects that are doing. Do you
• 34:56
  Speaker 2: know you know when it's meal prep time and what's
• 34:59
  Speaker 2: required for getting everything ready for the week. It's just
• 35:03
  Speaker 2: and somebody who like you, is very industrious and so productive,
• 35:07
  Speaker 2: and you like to be busy, and like I mean,
• 35:09
  Speaker 2: it's hard for you to sit down and relax. It's
• 35:12
  Speaker 2: easy for me to just let you do a lot
• 35:13
  Speaker 2: of that stuff literally, I mean very easy. It's because
• 35:17
  Speaker 2: you just do it, and it's like you're good at
• 35:19
  Speaker 2: it and you enjoy it. But like even you know,
• 35:22
  Speaker 2: I mean, I don't have to plan trips, like you're
• 35:25
  Speaker 2: going to be the one to think about a vacation
• 35:27
  Speaker 2: and planning a trip for us. And I sent you
• 35:30
  Speaker 2: something the other day. I saw it on TikTok. It's
• 35:32
  Speaker 2: like the one's spouse who spent months playing in the
• 35:34
  Speaker 2: trip and you're at the airport and they're dragging the luggage.
• 35:36
  Speaker 2: The other spouse going now where we're going.
• 35:38
  Speaker 3: Again showing up. That's about right right.
• 35:43
  Speaker 2: It's that that has has caused many many women and
• 35:50
  Speaker 2: men to lack the desire for intimacy and u for
• 35:57
  Speaker 2: you know, wanting to have sex. And she talked about
• 36:00
  Speaker 2: how she and her husband went out and this date night,
• 36:03
  Speaker 2: and you know it's like him not planning the date night,
• 36:06
  Speaker 2: you know, her having to plan the date night. So
• 36:08
  Speaker 2: Jimmy Evans, you know, has famously said for all these
• 36:11
  Speaker 2: years that sex doesn't start in the bedroom. You know,
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: it starts in the morning at the breakfast table, right,
• 36:16
  Speaker 2: and it starts and it's all day long. You're investing
• 36:20
  Speaker 2: time and interest, curiosity, you're listening, you're you're plugged in,
• 36:24
  Speaker 2: you're invested. So that was really really good. I'd say
• 36:28
  Speaker 2: look her up. But before we end today, we're just
• 36:32
  Speaker 2: that out of time. But I wanted to talk about
• 36:34
  Speaker 2: what like, for me, my favorite part, and you know,
• 36:41
  Speaker 2: I was probably done and ready to leave, you know,
• 36:44
  Speaker 2: and could have skipped this part really easily, but I'm
• 36:47
  Speaker 2: so glad that we stayed. It was when the couple
• 36:50
  Speaker 2: stood up at the end and said, we want to
• 36:54
  Speaker 2: have you guys stand up, face your partner, hold their hands,
• 36:57
  Speaker 2: and render your vows. And there's something about that, just
• 37:04
  Speaker 2: the symbolism of repeating those vowels and then putting that
• 37:07
  Speaker 2: ring on your finger again and repeating those those vowels
• 37:13
  Speaker 2: and basically looking at you and the eye after thirty
• 37:16
  Speaker 2: five years and saying, you know, in sickness and in health,
• 37:22
  Speaker 2: richer or poor, for better or worse, I still do
• 37:27
  Speaker 2: and heck yeah, I do. Yeah, And there was just
• 37:31
  Speaker 2: just seeing your beautiful blue eyes looking at me and
• 37:38
  Speaker 2: knowing what all we've been through and knowing that you
• 37:41
  Speaker 2: would not trade it for the world. And we've chosen
• 37:46
  Speaker 2: each other again and again and we've had to say
• 37:50
  Speaker 2: I do again and again, and just being on the
• 37:56
  Speaker 2: upper right side of that inverted belkones just being able
• 38:01
  Speaker 2: to cheer on, uh, the institution of marriage, Cheer on
• 38:05
  Speaker 2: these young couples, Cheer on this generation who's afraid to
• 38:09
  Speaker 2: get married. We are getting married less, they're getting married later,
• 38:14
  Speaker 2: and they they are giving up really, really easily, and
• 38:20
  Speaker 2: you know, it was just it was a beautiful thing
• 38:24
  Speaker 2: and we're gonna I'm more committed than ever. And hearing
• 38:27
  Speaker 2: Brenton Evans talk about his vision for Exo marriage and
• 38:34
  Speaker 2: how they want to increase the marriage rate, decrease the
• 38:39
  Speaker 2: divorce rate, and and change families, you know, increase the
• 38:45
  Speaker 2: number of double parent families. Nothing at all disparaging about
• 38:51
  Speaker 2: single parents who are heroic and raising kids and doing
• 38:56
  Speaker 2: the best they can. But the the increasing the number
• 38:59
  Speaker 2: of two parent families, that is gonna be the thing
• 39:05
  Speaker 2: that can truly help kids and generations to thrive. And yeah,
• 39:12
  Speaker 2: so lots of work to do out there, and we're
• 39:14
  Speaker 2: more excited than ever to join them in that work.
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: And it's exciting, exciting times to be a part of
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: helping marriages can always you know, it's always an exciting time.
• 39:27
  Speaker 1: But it's fun that you and I are just jumping
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: in headfirst and so sharing.
• 39:32
  Speaker 3: What we've learned.
• 39:33
  Speaker 2: I'm thankful for Brandon and Lindsay for inviting us and
• 39:37
  Speaker 2: giving us the sweet gift. And Jamie, I'm glad that
• 39:39
  Speaker 2: you nudged me and said, yeah, let's do this. Yea,
• 39:42
  Speaker 2: because it was really a great time.
• 39:44
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I love you, Babs. I love you too, sen
• 40:01
  Speaker 3: byous Nasa