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The Words You're Living By With Carly Taylor · Hardiness with Dr Paul Taylor

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Hey everyone, it's Cali here and welcome to you. This
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  Speaker 1: week's Mojo Monday. So have a think about the way
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: you've talked to yourself already today. So maybe it sounded
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  Speaker 1: like I have to get up, I have to go
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  Speaker 1: to work, I don't want to deal with this, And
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  Speaker 1: we say these things to ourselves so automatically. But what
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  Speaker 1: most of us don't realize is that these words can
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  Speaker 1: really impact us. They can shape how your day goes,
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  Speaker 1: they shape how you show up. They can even shape
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  Speaker 1: the choices that you make. And there's a body of
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  Speaker 1: research in psychology, particularly within acceptance and commitment therapy or ACT,
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  Speaker 1: and the underlying theory is based on what's called relational
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  Speaker 1: frame theory. And what it does is it tells us
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  Speaker 1: that as humans, we don't just experience life, we interpret
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  Speaker 1: through language. So according to this research, our minds are
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  Speaker 1: constantly linking things together, so creating meaning in association. So
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  Speaker 1: the words that we use don't just describe our reality,
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  Speaker 1: they actually shape the emotional experience that we have of it,
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  Speaker 1: so they create an emotional attachment to it, if that
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  Speaker 1: makes sense. So let me give you an example. So
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  Speaker 1: if I say I have to go to the gym.
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  Speaker 1: What's underneath this statement? So we're associating this statement to
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  Speaker 1: maybe pressure or resistance or maybe a bit of dread.
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  Speaker 1: But if I change that and say I get to
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  Speaker 1: go to the gym, it's the same action, but now
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  Speaker 1: there's a choice. All of a sudden, it switched to
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  Speaker 1: an opportunity. It's almost like there's this sense of gratitude
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  Speaker 1: and a more positive outlook on what's about to happen.
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  Speaker 1: So nothing has changed externally, we're just going to the gym,
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  Speaker 1: but internally it's a different experience. So your brain doesn't
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  Speaker 1: just hear words, it builds networks of meaning around them.
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  Speaker 1: So when you repeatedly say I have to your mind
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  Speaker 1: is linking your life with obligation or burden or almost
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  Speaker 1: like a lack of control, and over time that shapes
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  Speaker 1: how you feel about your life. It's not that your
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  Speaker 1: life is a burden, but because of the way it's
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  Speaker 1: being framed. And this isn't about being positive all the
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: time or thinking positively, because that's just not life. And
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  Speaker 1: it's not about pretending everything is amazing. It's about being
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  Speaker 1: aware of the frames that you're using. And you could
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  Speaker 1: ask is this helpful? Is this language helpful or is
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  Speaker 1: it unhelpful? Is this attitude that I'm experiencing? Is this
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  Speaker 1: what I want in my life? Is there another perspective here?
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  Speaker 1: So here's something to try this week. Just notice your language.
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  Speaker 1: You may not even have considered how you speak to
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  Speaker 1: yourself throughout the day. So even around the small ordinary
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  Speaker 1: things which are always good to kind of practice on,
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  Speaker 1: so making dinner or lunches, or answering emails or driving
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  Speaker 1: to work or folding the washing. Notice how quickly the
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  Speaker 1: mind can turn everyday moments into burdens through the language
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  Speaker 1: that we attach to them. I do this all the
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  Speaker 1: time with the dishes. If I see dishes in the sink,
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  Speaker 1: I've just got these. Oh, I've got to do the dishes.
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  Speaker 1: I have to do the dishes. So that's the language.
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  Speaker 1: I have to do this, I have to deal with this,
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  Speaker 1: I have to get through this. And the more we
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  Speaker 1: repeat those phrases, the more our brain starts building associations
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  Speaker 1: between our daily life and the feelings like pressure or
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  Speaker 1: resistance or dread. So notice how often I have to
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  Speaker 1: or that feeling of dread shows are up an experiment.
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  Speaker 1: Just with a shift in that language, I get to
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  Speaker 1: I choose to I'm able to, and then see what happens.
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  Speaker 1: See what happens to your energy? Does your energy change?
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  Speaker 1: Do your choices and behaviors shift even slightly? Are you
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  Speaker 1: a little less resistance to doing whatever it is? Because
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  Speaker 1: your life isn't shaped by what happens to you. It's
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  Speaker 1: shaped by the meaning you give to what happens, and
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  Speaker 1: language is one of the most powerful ways you can
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  Speaker 1: create that meaning. So this week, just change the words
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  Speaker 1: you use to talk to yourself and notice whether it
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  Speaker 1: makes a difference. Thank you so much for joining me
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  Speaker 1: this week, and I will catch you next week. See ya.