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When Church Help Heals: Finding Marriage Support in Your Congregation · Doing Marriage Well

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  Doing Marriage Well for May 6, 2026 Pastors, Lay Leaders, and Small Groups Help
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  Within Your Church The second level of getting help is someone at your church.
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  That could be your pastor or some other leader or individual who is recognized by the church.
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  When I ask about getting marriage help on the TMB message boards,
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  link in the show notes, several folks question the qualifications of pastors.
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  Others do not feel comfortable sharing about their marriage and especially their
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  sex life with their pastor.
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  The first is a valid concern. Many pastors have received little or no training
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  for counseling in general, much less marriage issues.
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  Beyond that, statistically, pastors have far worse marriages and sex lives than
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  the majority of their congregants.
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  I know exceptions to that, but they are, sadly, exceptions.
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  I can understand feeling uncomfortable listening to your pastor give a sermon
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  when he knows all your dirty laundry, but pastors are generally very good at
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  keeping things private.
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  Still, if it will hinder you or your spouse, that makes it a no-go choice.
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  Larger churches, and some medium-sized ones, have people in their church who
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  have been vetted and possibly given some training.
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  This can be an excellent option. You are sure what is said won't conflict with
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  your faith, and it will probably be free or low cost.
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  Privacy may feel like a concern, but if the church backs it,
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  that should not be an issue.
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  Some churches may expect some minor feedback from those doing marriage work
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  with people, especially of those being coached or in leadership.
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  This should be disclosed at your first meeting, and you can certainly ask.
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  It's unlikely this kind of help will come with credentials or licensing.
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  Don't let that stop you. Many couples have found great help from laypeople.
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  There are issues that are beyond such help, but those situations are uncommon.
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  One other form of church-based help is a small group focused on marriage.
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  Often they work through a marriage book. I've seen some amazing things happen
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  in such groups over time you grow to know and care about each other.
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  Once I was in such a group where a wife said, I need to say something to my
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  husband in front of all of you.
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  They had a very difficult talk as we all sat and prayed.
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  This resulted in a great breakthrough for them. Maybe she would have eventually
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  been able to have the discussion without the group, and maybe it would have gone okay.
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  But it happened sooner and worked out better because of the group.
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  When we meet together in the name of Jesus, He is there and good things happen.
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  This is Paul, and doing marriage well may require you going beyond the two of you.