Latest / The Dr. Psych Mom Show with clinical psychologist Dr. Samantha Rodman Whiten / Who Are The Men Who Get Treated Like Kings?

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Who Are The Men Who Get Treated Like Kings? · The Dr. Psych Mom Show with clinical psychologist Dr. Samantha Rodman Whiten

• 0:05
  Hi everybody and welcome to the Doctor's Psych Mom Show.
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  Today I'm going to be talking about.
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  Who? The men are who get treated
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  quote like kings, right? And so this is an extension of
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  my post about who are the women that got?
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  Treated like princesses. Which I linked to in the
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  description. And before we get to this,
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  please do subscribe. Most recent subscriber episode
• 0:28
  was Remember, there's a little Honeymoon stage every month and
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  there's almost 150 other episodes that are paid that you
• 0:35
  can get if you if you subscribe. So there are a lot of.
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  People on the Internet that say things the my favorite
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  interaction recently there's all these guys who say like you got
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  to get a like these are not my clients these are just people on
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  the Internet that. Say that you.
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  Have to get a woman from a different country so that she
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  treats you like a king because you know women from different
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  countries are not as you know they they I guess don't know in
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  theory that they can you know I don't know do anything except
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  that and that that's how they were raised and whatever.
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  And then there was some guy who responded and it sounded like it
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  was from experience and he said. No if you.
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  Get a woman from another country.
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  It's like that at the beginning, but after that it gets worse
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  than it would have been with a woman.
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  From this country. So I guess the the moral of the
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  story is that the honeymoon stage fades for everybody
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  including women from quote other countries, which I always just
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  find so, so funny when when guys say that there is no female
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  equivalent. By the way I've never heard a
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  woman say that she needs a man from another country who knows
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  how to treat women better. But but who knows.
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  I mean that that would be certainly, certainly.
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  Never say, never say. Never.
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  Maybe I will see that in the comments too.
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  I don't know what country that would that would.
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  Be may oh, I guess the. Equivalent is there are women
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  who think accents are really cute, like British accents.
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  So I mean, maybe it's that. But the point is.
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  The point is that if you are trying to hack the system.
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  And get treated. Like a king without
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  understanding. Who?
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  Really gets good treatment from their wives.
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  Then you will probably end up as in AS.
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  Bad a situation. As that poor a man who tried to
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  get a woman from a different country.
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  And then she ended up not. Liking him anyway.
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  And you can. You can see plenty of this if
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  you do like 90 day fiance or things like this.
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  Those relationships are not perfect either.
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  So the point is that, much like in my post about women who get.
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  Treated like princesses. The people who get treated.
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  Well. Are the.
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  People who? Treat their partner.
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  Well, I just cannot. Say this enough.
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  If you. Are expecting that you can be
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  negative and annoying and just. Selfish.
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  And then you're gonna get some woman who treats you like a
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  king. You're talking about a certain
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  kind of relationship called a low.
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  Self Esteem Woman. In the honeymoon phase, that's
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  what that. Is so you could just you're
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  gonna get a low self. Esteem woman who doesn't, she
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  deserves to be. Treated well and is terrified to
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  lose you. And she's.
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  Still in the honeymoon stage? Where?
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  She puts you on a pedestal. Women with borderline
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  personality. Disorder, for example, have.
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  Zero, you know. Confidence in themselves
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  usually, and will try to find a fairly narcissistic, selfish man
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  that they could kind of hitch their wagon to, and after a
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  little while this will turn into a volatile, horrible mess when
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  he falls off the pedestal. So.
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  If you if you don't want that, if you want long.
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  Term to get treated like a king, which of course to most.
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  Men means sex. And physical touch and kindness
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  and laughing as jokes and stuff. What does that mean you have to
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  do? That means that you yourself
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  have to be. A kind, loving, responsible guy.
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  You know otherwise. Any woman is going to eventually
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  realize that you're a Dick. And she's not going to treat you
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  well. So the point the same thing with
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  women. So there's like a lot of women
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  who are mad at the world. Because of the way that they
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  were treated as kids and which I feel for them and they had
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  difficult time and they saw their mother.
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  Get treated like shit by their father, usually.
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  And then they say, oh, any. Woman who gets treated well by a
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  man she's probably exploiting. Him in some way.
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  Or she's taking advantage of. Him in some way.
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  Or or it's just not even. True.
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  And And that doesn't even really happen.
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  Of course it happens. Of course, women get treated
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  really well by their husbands, but.
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  Those are the women who are nice to their husbands, so a lot of
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  people want a. Free lunch and this is.
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  No, you know, I say. All the time.
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  There's no free lunch. You cannot just like obtain, you
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  know, a human being that will treat you like royalty without
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  you having. To be that way in return at
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  least not past the. First couple of years and at
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  that point that person will leave you.
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  You know if if you do, not if. If they grow at.
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  All in their self-confidence, like I discussed in my prior
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  podcast, Why does your marriage Tank when?
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  Your mental health improves well if there are people and there.
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  Are who will? Treat you very well in the
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  absence of being treated well themselves, then as soon as they
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  grow a little bit in the confidence domain they're going
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  to be. Out of.
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  This relationship So what sort of men get treated like kings?
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  Men who are kind. Men who are loving, Men who are
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  generous emotionally. Not financially, Emotionally,
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  men who think everything is about money, that's usually
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  'cause they were raised by. Parents who are fixated on
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  money. Women, mothers and fathers who
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  called. Women gold.
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  Diggers, etcetera, etcetera. So what?
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  I mean is generous emotionally, so somebody who's not nitpicking
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  somebody. Who's not playing devil's
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  advocate somebody? Who's not negative?
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  And critical. There is no woman with any self
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  esteem who's going to treat a man well when he's picking at
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  her, criticizing her, saying negative things about her all
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  the time. Or.
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  Really. At all.
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  You know, like calling her any names or making.
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  Fun of her. And there are many men who do
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  this. It's it's interesting too, when
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  I am, you know, as a social media presence, you know, I see
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  there's it attracts the most negative people.
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  Right who comment? Either it's people who try to be
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  supportive, which is very nice, but if there are people who are
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  negative, it's like, what kind of man?
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  Sits there and goes on to a random.
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  Woman's Facebook, you know. And says negative shit.
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  How's that man gonna be in his marriage?
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  Right. Like like think.
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  About it, you know, is there a human being in the world that's
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  like a? Loving.
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  Man in a relationship and like a a great husband.
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  And a great dad, but just has this like cute quirky hobby.
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  Of just going. On women's social.
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  Media and being like you're terrible and you're.
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  Wrong. And you're ugly.
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  I mean, like, no. Like, we all know that, right?
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  But yet. And I'm not saying that anybody
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  who's listening to. Certainly at least the paid
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  version of this podcast, because paywalls really do.
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  Weed out people who are trolls. But this is a free one still
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  though. I mean, you know anybody?
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  Who's going to listen to like? This I don't know.
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  I would doubt are the same people that are trolling on
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  social. Media, but think.
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  About it like. I mean those guys, they say all
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  women suck My wife. Cheated on me.
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  Like and everything that you write and and you say is stupid.
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  So it's like right there you could see.
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  Why did things go bad? Why did?
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  This guy not get treated. Well, and I don't believe that
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  he's lying. I believe the woman did cheat,
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  right? But still.
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  You don't turn into a very difficult, mean, critical
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  person. Everybody doesn't turn into that
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  because somebody cheated on them, right.
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  So most people are like, oh, that's unfortunate, That was a
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  bad relationship. And I'm going to pick myself up
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  and move forward, you know, after I grieve, process,
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  etcetera. Most people don't turn super
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  bitter. So the people that are super
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  bitter after something bad are usually the people that were
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  super. Bitter before.
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  And that could have led. To something bad happening right
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  where they get. Into relationships.
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  That are very volatile and contentious where things happen
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  like cheating and lying and all sorts of things.
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  So if you are a bitter or critical person and how can you
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  tell? Are you mean to anyone?
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  Basically anyone. From like random people on the
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  Internet to Rd. raging at people to your kids when they don't do
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  what they want you what you want?
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  Are you kind of a mean, impatient, critical man?
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  Then you're not going to get treated like a king by your wife
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  if she has an ounce of self esteem or self worth 'cause
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  you're not nice, you know? So the the hack here, it it's
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  like the women who try to say, oh, there's a lot of ways to be
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  a Good Wife without touching my husband.
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  No, you know, there's not, you know, there's really not.
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  Those things don't exist. That's fiction.
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  That's not real. There are not ways to be a.
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  Good Wife without touching your husband.
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  Just like you can't be a good mother to a.
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  Baby without touching the baby. So I, I and I say it straight
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  out and very clear. There's also.
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  No way to be a good. Husband, if you are critical and
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  negative, they're just not if you're cold, critical, negative,
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  demeaning any of these things really to anyone in your life.
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  Because a lot of men try to pretend to themselves that
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  they're not that way to their wife, but they'll recognize it.
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  Like, Oh yeah, I'm a great husband.
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  But like, I'm impatient with the kids.
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  I have terrible road rage. I've been written up at work.
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  You know, my work evaluations are that I'm not a team player.
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  I used to get into fights when I was a boy, you know?
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  No, then you're not a nice person.
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  You could be a nice person in your heart, but somehow now you
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  your behavior is not that of a nice person.
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  So the number one way to find somebody who will treat you like
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  a king is to treat them like a queen.
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  And you can't be like that if you're negative, critical,
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  nasty, impatient, cold, any of these things.
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  I have a podcast called Most Men Don't Criticize their wives in
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  bed and how you ended up in a dynamic where that would happen
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  something like that. Because most men don't.
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  Most men are like, all right, you know, my wife loves me.
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  We're having sex and they take kind of a a positive spin on it.
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  Is it the most exciting thing that ever?
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  Happened. No, but.
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  You know what? She's trying in her way and I
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  love her. That's like the securely
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  attached people how they think about sex being boring, but
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  people who are very negative and critical, they'll give their
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  wife like a A5 bullet point things that.
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  You should improve. After every sexual performance,
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  a woman who stays with that man hates him.
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  She hates herself more because she's, you know, has low self
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  esteem enough to stay in that situation, but she hates treats
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  him too on some level and therefore she will not treat him
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  well because he's kind of a bastard, you know, And so that
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  is really the TLDR. Here and it's.
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  Not a lot of people that I see in counseling because for
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  somebody to get into. Counseling, you know.
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  They have to be somewhat open minded, although it is some some
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  guys who. Get dragged in by their wives
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  right are. Really.
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  Just assholes, you know? And they're always assholes
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  because. They got treated.
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  Bad themselves. So it's not like you can't
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  change. It's not like you can't grow to
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  be a man. That a woman would want to.
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  Treat Well, you certainly can't, but you have to know what you're
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  starting off with. What you're usually starting off
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  with. Is that you?
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  If she doesn't treat you well, you treat her a lot less well
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  than you. Think you do.
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  Because it's a very common conceit.
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  To make up that you're the martyr and she.
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  You know, unilaterally treats you poorly, but you treat her
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  well. She treats you like shit, but
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  you treat her well. I see that so rarely, man, I
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  really do. I see that so rarely.
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  So rarely. Do I see?
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  It that, and I talk about it like the martyr and the.
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  Ice. Queen, you know, or all my
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  preoccupied avoidance stuff. So if you're a preoccupied avoid
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  attachment guy and you're always following your wife around
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  asking if she loves you, you think you're nice.
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  You're not. You know you're being.
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  Very. Selfish, self-centered,
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  irritating, needy. And women do it too.
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  So the woman that follows her husband around being like you
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  don't love me enough. Oh shit, no wonder because
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  you're being so difficult all the time.
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  So the first thing, and I say this was.
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  Love. Tough love.
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  The first thing, if you're preoccupied attachment, is to
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  work on your own self-confidence, you know.
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  And if you can work on that and can get to a place where you're
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  not, like basically creating Co, creating a dynamic that will
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  continually disappoint you. Because the more that you're up
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  somebody's ass saying do you love me, do you love me?
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  The less they do. I mean, because you're bothering
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  them so much. All the.
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  Time. And this is you could listen to
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  all myself on preoccupied attachment husbands.
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  Because what we're talking about in this.
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  Specific podcast. Is why you don't get treated
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  like a king. Well, if you're a.
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  Preoccupied attachment guy. You may think you're treating
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  her well because you're quote focusing on the relationship.
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  You're not treating her well. You're not giving her any space
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  to be a person. You're not being supportive of
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  her being her own human being every time she wants to go do
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  something with friends or by herself or reject you for sex,
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  you're a total asshole about it. So in those cases, of course
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  she's not going to want to be going out of her way to treat
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  you. Well, just like men don't treat
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  women like princesses if the woman is just a real bitch to
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  them all the time. I mean, it's just if if the
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  woman is always kind of up their ass criticizing them, nothing is
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  ever good enough. Why would they go out of their
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  way to make her life romantic and wonderful where they're not
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  that stupid, right? I mean, she may call them
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  stupid, but they're not that stupid to go and try to make her
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  happy when it's obvious that she's never happy with them
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  anyway. So the first thing, if you want
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  to be treated like a king is to make sure that you're treating
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  your wife like a queen. And if you are and you got like
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  and and then you got to think, how do I treat other people in
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  the world? Because if you think you treat
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  her like a queen. But then there's all these other
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  people around that engage with you in ways where you are
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  obviously not being very nice and you've ever gotten that
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  feedback. From anybody else.
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  Then you may not be treating her as well as.
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  You think? If you're generally considered
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  to be a. Difficult person.
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  A critical person you know, then it's odds are that you're not
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  treating her as well. As you think you are, because
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  you need to work on that. Core.
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  Aspect of your. Personality which is.
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  Likely there because you were treated like that as a kid
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  because you got yelled at a lot and criticized.
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  Et cetera, et cetera. All right.
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  I hope you found this interesting.
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  This would be a good one to. Introspect about to bring to
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  your therapist and to think about if it at all made you re.
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  Examine your expectations. And situate them differently.
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  More like, hey, wait, should I really get this thing that I
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  think that I deserve? Do I really?
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  All right, I'll talk to everybody soon.
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  Have a great day guys.