Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / The friendships that last… 💞👯‍♀️

Transcript

The friendships that last… 💞👯‍♀️ · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Appodjay production.
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: We begin today by acknowledging the traditional custodians of the
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: land on which we gather today and pay our respects
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: to their elders past and present. We extend that respect
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people's here today.
• 0:25
  Speaker 3: Welcome to the Grow and Glow Podcast. I'm ashy, I'm Kiara.
• 0:28
  Speaker 3: This is a podcast where we learn, laugh, and level
• 0:31
  Speaker 3: up together.
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: Let's go deep, let the emotions flow, and find the
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: lessons to grow and Glow. Nothing is off the table
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: with Grow and Glow, and we're here to be your expander.
• 0:43
  Speaker 3: Hello, gus, hi, guys, welcome back to Grow and Glow.
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: So we are doing a beautiful episode on what we
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: believe makes a great friendship. Yeah, friendship is something that
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  Speaker 1: we get asked about all the time. Obviously we have
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: a beautiful friendship, we have other beautiful friends in our lives,
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: and we've just been talking about the importance of sisterhood.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: It's just so beautiful. I honestly like a saying a
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: kiara on the way up here. I feel a difference
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: the same with my husband. If finally get quality time
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: with him, I feel I'm not as high vibe if.
• 1:10
  Speaker 4: I didn't get time with my girlfriends.
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, they fill my cup and my caut my heart
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: up with so much love and I'm so playful and
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: silly and it's just the best.
• 1:21
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: But you know, I think a lot of us can
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: definitely relate and that we've had some friendships that have
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: drindled apart or you've had a falling out or doesn't
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: feel aligned and drained your energy. So you want to
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: talk about what we think makes it an amazing friendship
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: before you get started share all you're like, shut up,
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: let's do share it. My Share of the week is
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: just a recommendation of booking time with your girlfriends.
• 1:43
  Speaker 4: Ah.
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  Speaker 1: Like actually, when we're talking about this, like, yeah, actually
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: scheduling it in because I just.
• 1:48
  Speaker 3: Said to you Ash all the way up, I was like,
• 1:49
  Speaker 3: we need to do that. We just don't miss you.
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: And it's so nice that, Like I'm so grateful because
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: we get to come up here and have a full
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: thirty six hours together.
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  Speaker 3: Right, we have two full days pretty much, two full
• 2:00
  Speaker 3: days which had.
• 2:01
  Speaker 4: Forty eight hours.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, quality time, like actually booking it in. Yeah, you
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: just have to, especially if you've got kids and a
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: husband and commitments and the kids sporting like every week,
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: I will definitely like book things in to see girlfriends. Yeah,
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: it can be tricky to fit it all in, but
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: if you don't book it in, it's not going to.
• 2:16
  Speaker 3: You got to book it. You're right, you got to
• 2:17
  Speaker 3: book it.
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: And we've just realized how guilty we are of that.
• 2:19
  Speaker 5: So guilty, and like when I come up here, I
• 2:22
  Speaker 5: feel like being on the podcast sometimes you kind of
• 2:24
  Speaker 5: forget because we are catching up and genuinely love it
• 2:26
  Speaker 5: so much, but it's not the same.
• 2:27
  Speaker 3: It's not just it's not the same our intimate time.
• 2:29
  Speaker 3: It's nice, intimate time together together. It's just different, isn't it.
• 2:35
  Speaker 3: It is different.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, And it's also different if you catch up with
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: your friends and the kids and even like I want
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: to catch up with you and do more healing stuff together,
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  Speaker 1: like do more like I don't know, like light the
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: beautiful candles and do it like the ceremonies too.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, just anything, really anything.
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  Speaker 1: And I feel like I've got girlfriends that are all
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: into the same stuff as well, like bringing them together.
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: I feel like I've always been that first person that
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: like brings people together.
• 2:59
  Speaker 3: It's so nice.
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: We could like do a full moon ceremony. Just cute
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: little things like to do in your group, like sunset
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: walks whatever. So scheduling. If you're missing your friends, if
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: you don't see them often enough, you're craving that sisterhood
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: book it in.
• 3:13
  Speaker 5: Yeah, and I'm going to change my share of the
• 3:14
  Speaker 5: week because you've inspired me. Mine's going to be put
• 3:17
  Speaker 5: yourself out there, because I was saying to Actually, I
• 3:19
  Speaker 5: feel like I'm just wanting more people that are like
• 3:22
  Speaker 5: closer by, Like we can all jump in the chat
• 3:25
  Speaker 5: and be like dance class on Thursday nights, eyon, want
• 3:27
  Speaker 5: to come all meet up and you're holding each other accountable. Hey,
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  Speaker 5: I'm going to go for a nice beach walk Saturday morning,
• 3:31
  Speaker 5: six o'clock. If anyone's to join, and you don't have
• 3:34
  Speaker 5: to go, everyone can just chuck your there's no pressure.
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  Speaker 5: But then also, I've just been reflecting a little bit,
• 3:39
  Speaker 5: especially lately, tapping more into my feminine energy as we
• 3:41
  Speaker 5: both have been. And I feel like I have always
• 3:45
  Speaker 5: been really busy and not really prioritized as much my
• 3:47
  Speaker 5: sisterhood friendships, and I'm wanting to lean more into that.
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  Speaker 5: And I think it really has come down to having
• 3:54
  Speaker 5: time and space and just prioritizing it really as well.
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  Speaker 3: I think it's beautiful though, because you have been in
• 3:59
  Speaker 3: your mom's season. You have been thick in the mom's season.
• 4:02
  Speaker 3: That's beautiful.
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  Speaker 1: Because we love our family so much. If we're going
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: to be away from them, it really has to be worthwhile.
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: Like I'm so careful with the friends that I choose
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: to hang around now because I'm careful when my energy
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: goes and if it doesn't light me up and make
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: me feel energized and really great, it's not worth being
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: away from my kids.
• 4:20
  Speaker 3: That makes sense.
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  Speaker 1: So I think you've just been prioritizing your kids so much.
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: It's nice to have a balance just.
• 4:24
  Speaker 5: Missing a bit of that connection, I guess, so by
• 4:26
  Speaker 5: having like, you know, an hour a week where I'm
• 4:28
  Speaker 5: going for a walk and there's a few girls to
• 4:30
  Speaker 5: catch up with that are you know, similar wavelength and
• 4:32
  Speaker 5: just have a chat with and so much.
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: Yes, alrighty, So we're just going to go back and
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: forth with different things that I suppose we really value
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: in friendship and that makes us feel good and for me,
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: it's time, love and energy, Like there definitely is those
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: friendships which I love that you don't have to talk often,
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: and when you see each other, you pick it up
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: and it's still where it left off. It's beautiful. But
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: I do really value one of my highest values is connection.
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: And I just think, like any relationship, if you're not
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: pouring anything into it, it's going to dry up. So
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: just putting that effort in, putting that time, and it
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: doesn't always have to be catching up dinner, just even
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: the small voice messages. So for me, that's probably one
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: of my main ones is just the effort, the energy,
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: the time, the care for your friends.
• 5:13
  Speaker 5: Yeah, that's beautiful. My top one, kind of similar to yours,
• 5:18
  Speaker 5: is being there. I think just someone checking in when
• 5:21
  Speaker 5: you need it is the best. So like, for example,
• 5:24
  Speaker 5: if I've had a tough week and someone knows it,
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  Speaker 5: just like you sending me a voice message and being like, hey, babe,
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  Speaker 5: I know it's been going on. Just checking up and
• 5:31
  Speaker 5: you seeing how you feeling, you know, like means the world. Yeah,
• 5:34
  Speaker 5: it means so much, and vice versa. I really try
• 5:36
  Speaker 5: to do that. Being there and having someone that genuinely
• 5:39
  Speaker 5: cares and isn't just there through the highs, yes, but
• 5:43
  Speaker 5: actually when you're going through the lows, we're all nodding.
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  Speaker 5: We all have had those friendships I think where when
• 5:49
  Speaker 5: you're going through a tough time, you know, just feel love.
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  Speaker 1: Feel safe, feel supported. It's just oh, it helps you
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: get through it really does.
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  Speaker 3: It truly does.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's beautiful, Absolutely love that one. I think another
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: one too, is just understanding that you all have different
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: lives and priorities and different schedules and being understanding around that.
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: Like I was saying on the way up here, like yeah,
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: we don't see each other often, but we don't know
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: unless we ask. But if you've got stuff on or
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: I've got stuff on, it doesn't work like Megsie know
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  Speaker 1: this last week it just hasn't worked out. It's still okay,
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: but it's still like just just try and communicating and
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  Speaker 1: just understanding that you've all got different priorities in life.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, because you live your life a certain way and
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: have certain things in place, doesn't mean they're going to
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: and vice versa. Yeah, they have something that's really important.
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  Speaker 1: You're like, oh, why do they need to do that?
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: It's really important to them.
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  Speaker 4: Just be understanding around that.
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  Speaker 5: Different seasons too, even different you know, financial burdens or
• 6:38
  Speaker 5: works priorities or you know, amount of kids that they've
• 6:41
  Speaker 5: got and stuff like that. Like I know some days
• 6:44
  Speaker 5: like with the kids, just stuff being on, like even
• 6:46
  Speaker 5: birthday parties, like because there's three kids, there's all different
• 6:48
  Speaker 5: things and it's.
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  Speaker 3: Like, oh my gosh, but busy. Yeah, but that's a
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  Speaker 3: really good one.
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  Speaker 5: Just knowing that everyone's life is different, just trying your
• 6:56
  Speaker 5: best to be understanding and making them most of when
• 6:59
  Speaker 5: you do get together, hey, like making it just like
• 7:02
  Speaker 5: fun quality quality time. Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's something you take for greater when you're younger
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  Speaker 1: and you just got all the time in the world.
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  Speaker 1: I know, you just do whatever and everything together, and
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: then when you have kids, it's just like you get
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: to go out for dinner. It's just like this massive
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: deal and you just soak up every moment.
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  Speaker 5: You know, you chat about everything in like one or
• 7:20
  Speaker 5: two hours home too late because getting out to the
• 7:24
  Speaker 5: kids next day.
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  Speaker 3: It's so true, isn't it.
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  Speaker 5: My next one is not judging you and knowing you
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  Speaker 5: so well to be able to read where you're at
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  Speaker 5: and having compassionate and understanding for different seasons you're navigating.
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  Speaker 3: I love that that was a little bit of a
• 7:38
  Speaker 3: mouthful to be really in tune with your friends, to
• 7:40
  Speaker 3: be able to do.
• 7:40
  Speaker 5: That, really in tune with your friends, but just not
• 7:43
  Speaker 5: judging them whether they're being like extra silly, just accepting
• 7:45
  Speaker 5: and loving them for them, you know, silly or fun.
• 7:48
  Speaker 3: Also just like going through a little.
• 7:50
  Speaker 5: Bit of a harder fame, a bit of a lower vibration, Yeah,
• 7:52
  Speaker 5: and just knowing that they're in that space and being like,
• 7:55
  Speaker 5: you know, that's just what they're going through right now,
• 7:57
  Speaker 5: and having patience with them. That's not exactly that's not
• 8:02
  Speaker 5: who they are, it's just how they feel right now,
• 8:04
  Speaker 5: And I get it. I felt like that too, which
• 8:08
  Speaker 5: all go through phases in life where you know, we're high,
• 8:10
  Speaker 5: we're low with this, but that, and if you can
• 8:13
  Speaker 5: still be there for people when they're in those moments
• 8:16
  Speaker 5: going through the thick of things, that's what really creates
• 8:19
  Speaker 5: deep connection because they're the moments when people I think
• 8:23
  Speaker 5: it really highlights who is there and who's not, and
• 8:26
  Speaker 5: when they're not it can be really sad.
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: Definitely on the flip side of that too, having friendships
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: that you can communicate where you're at, so sometimes like
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: if makes its like.
• 8:35
  Speaker 3: Hey, I'm gonna pop around with the kids, whatever.
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: I'm like, you are more than welcome, but letting you
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: know I'm in a low vibe and she's like, cool,
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: I'm going to really high vibe.
• 8:42
  Speaker 3: Can I bring you some of my energy? Perfect vice versa.
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: She's like, I'm real sleepy, I've been up all night
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: with Ramber. I'm like, what do you need? Don't want
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: to come and cook and clean? Or do you just
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: want me to like cuddle you? Or's m music so
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: you can go have a shower and piece. It's like
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: just communicating exactly what you want and need. And I
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: love having those friendships where you can and there's no shame,
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: there's no guilt, nothing, It's just this is.
• 9:03
  Speaker 4: Where I'm at.
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: You want to come cool, but I'm you know, and
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: I just think that's so special, so special.
• 9:08
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 9:09
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it takes deep trust to be able to do
• 9:10
  Speaker 3: that though, mm hmmm.
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: Which is rare in friendships. I think I think so too.
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: I definitely have it with a lot of mine. I'm
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: very very lucky, but yeah, I don't think a lot
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: of women have that safety. They can just be their
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: full selves and know their loved regardless.
• 9:23
  Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, they're no judgment thing.
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: I think that they're like ooh, or they get scared
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: maybe to be open, yes, and that they might scare
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: people away, but actually it might make people feel closer
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: to you because you're being more authentic. It's just finding
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: those people that just love you for who you are.
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: That's true friendship. So the next one is kind of
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: tapping on to the end of yours was just the
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: check ins. And I feel like in different stages. I
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: don't know when you're postpartum, or you're going through a divorce,
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: or you're going for a new job. Like sometimes I
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: feel like your friends need more regular check ins. And
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: I'm really in tune without my girlfriends. If I feel
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: like they're going through something really hard they need some
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: extra love or extra attention, I really try and lead
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: into that.
• 10:05
  Speaker 4: I do.
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: Like I've had a girlfriend that's gone through a divorce
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: and I felt like she just needed so much more
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: support than she ever has needed before. And I'm so
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: there for that because I put myself in her shoes.
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: I'm like, buck, if I was to go through a divorce,
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: I hope my friend would look up at my door
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: and say, I got you.
• 10:19
  Speaker 3: You know, yeah, absolutely.
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: So just yeah, like you said, being in tune with
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: their seasons and what they're going through so important.
• 10:26
  Speaker 4: I think that makes a great friend.
• 10:28
  Speaker 5: Yeah, when you both have boundaries and it's okay because
• 10:32
  Speaker 5: I feel like, you know, sometimes when we have boundaries
• 10:35
  Speaker 5: and it's with people who haven't done the work, they
• 10:37
  Speaker 5: can really take things the wrong way.
• 10:38
  Speaker 3: It can even ruin a friendship.
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: Definitely, they take it so personally or like they make
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: up stories to what it's about.
• 10:43
  Speaker 4: It's like, actually, no, yeah, it's.
• 10:45
  Speaker 3: About me, it's not about you. Yeah.
• 10:48
  Speaker 5: Being able to have boundaries and friendships, I feel like,
• 10:51
  Speaker 5: is it a beautiful I think it just goes to
• 10:53
  Speaker 5: show how close the friendship is as well.
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: When you can do Yeah, I think it's this a
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: new conversation for most people. Like I feel like the
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: whole word boundary is only you In the last couple
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: of years, Yeah, I think.
• 11:02
  Speaker 4: So I didn't grow up with boundaries. I don't know
• 11:04
  Speaker 4: I did what they were, No, neither, it's only.
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: Like having friends and just like so social media is
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: learning about them. The last couple of years. I even't
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: had a boundary On the weekend. It was a girlfriend's
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: birthday and she's the most beautiful girl, and I really
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: adore her, but that day I needed that day an app.
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: I was absolutely cooked, and I knew this would be
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: a big party vibe, which isn't my vibe anyway, but
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: it was going to be very very loud, a lot
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: of people I don't know, which just isn't my vibe anymore.
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: I get a bit like, I don't know, drains my energy.
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: So I just I message and I said, I'm so sorry.
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: I really would have loved to be in there for
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: you today, but I just don't have the capacity of
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: being a big crowd.
• 11:40
  Speaker 4: At the moment, she.
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: Was so understanding, Oh that's beautiful. That was a boundary
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: for myself, and that's hard that I felt uncomfortable for
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: me because I felt like, oh, I'm letting her down,
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: or like I hope she doesn't feel like she's not
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: worthy of me coming, like, of course I want to
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: show up for her. But I was like, no, it's
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: just a boundary I need in places there because I
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: just don't have the capacity. It would have tipped me
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: over the edge, and then you know, I wouldn't have
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: been able to show off with my kids. And yeah,
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: not needed a five hour and app instead of a
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: two hour and.
• 12:02
  Speaker 4: App yeah, honestly, But.
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, boundaries important and having friends that just received them
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: so well, and you're like.
• 12:07
  Speaker 4: I get it.
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, And boundaries can feel uncomfortable too. You can
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: still be upset and feel something from a boundary, Like
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: I'm sure she would have felt sad, maybe even annoyed
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: that I didn't come. That's so normally I understand that,
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: but she still knows like I've just made a decisions
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: that right for me, and she's not holding that against me.
• 12:28
  Speaker 5: Definitely, And normally boundaries, Yeah, normally they don't feel uncomfortable
• 12:31
  Speaker 5: either party.
• 12:32
  Speaker 3: They're not comfortable to say, comfortable to receive. They're really hard.
• 12:35
  Speaker 3: They can be triggering, yeah, very triggering.
• 12:39
  Speaker 5: But I think it's just thinking the best of people
• 12:41
  Speaker 5: as well, right, Yes, knowing the good intentions.
• 12:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah, Okay.
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: The next thing that I really find helpful, and I
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: feel like I've gotten so much better over the years
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: is knowing my friends a love language and knowing their
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: attachment style.
• 12:56
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: So I've got a couple of friends that are very
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: anxious attachment style and a couple of friends that are
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: very avoidant. Yes, And I just know when to pull
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: away and when to lean in more and I also
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: know that my anxious attachment friends need more, and I'm
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: so okay to give that. I've got one particular girlfriend,
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: She is really insecure. She's very sensitive, she has very
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: low self worth, not very much confidence, and I check
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: in with her way more than I do in a
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: lot of my other friends. And I just know, I
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: don't know my wording, my tone just a little bit more,
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: not careful, but just tender with her.
• 13:32
  Speaker 3: I feel like I need to be soft with.
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: Her, whereas, yeah, the avoidant ones, I feel like sometimes
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: they just need a bit more space to get through
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: something and then they'll come back when they're ready. But
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: when you understand it, you don't take anything personally so
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: true in a way that feels good for them.
• 13:47
  Speaker 5: Yeah, and now we've learned, and we've actually done a
• 13:49
  Speaker 5: whole podcast episode about attachment styles. The more you know
• 13:52
  Speaker 5: about it, yeah, you really know, it's nothing personal to you,
• 13:56
  Speaker 5: you know.
• 13:57
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but that's a beautiful idea, it is.
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: And also, just because I realized that I'm in my
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: relationship with Steve very secure that in friendships, I definitely
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: have wounds there of thinking that they're going to abandon me,
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: Like there's definitely some wounds that I'm going to be
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: working with my coach on so I can have when
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: I have my anxious and friends, I like that I've
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: experienced it too because I have compassion. I understand how
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: they're feeling, and therefore it helps me to be able
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: to give the love the way I know they need it.
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: So that's been the light instead of looking at the
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: shadow of being anxious attachment like there's light in it
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: because it helps me understand what other people go through.
• 14:32
  Speaker 3: Definitely, which is really cool. And then me, I feel
• 14:35
  Speaker 3: like I have been more avoidant.
• 14:37
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I feel like I've definitely been someone who has
• 14:41
  Speaker 5: kind of detached from that part with friendships in my
• 14:45
  Speaker 5: relationship with Secure as well. But I feel like if
• 14:48
  Speaker 5: I leaned either way anxious or avoidant, I feel like
• 14:51
  Speaker 5: when I'm in zones of like going deep or different things.
• 14:53
  Speaker 3: Are happening, I tend to go more avoidant. Yeah.
• 14:56
  Speaker 5: Yeah, that's what I'm trying to work on right now
• 14:58
  Speaker 5: a little bit. So I'm trying to surround myself with
• 15:00
  Speaker 5: more women and what's in between.
• 15:04
  Speaker 4: So I don't feel like you're fully avoidant.
• 15:06
  Speaker 3: It's the mixture of avoidant and anxious. I don't feel
• 15:08
  Speaker 3: you're fully avoidant.
• 15:09
  Speaker 5: Don't feel fully avoidant, but I feel like when I
• 15:13
  Speaker 5: have like something popping up, I go internal. I withdraw,
• 15:16
  Speaker 5: and it's obviously a safety mechanism, like you know, ow journal,
• 15:20
  Speaker 5: Like I really go in.
• 15:21
  Speaker 3: And you're soothing yourself.
• 15:23
  Speaker 5: Yeah yeah, yeah, but you know, I feel like I'm
• 15:26
  Speaker 5: definitely pretty good these days, but I feel like, what
• 15:27
  Speaker 5: need to open myself up more.
• 15:29
  Speaker 3: I don't know what it is right now. I love. Yeah,
• 15:31
  Speaker 3: I'm really receiving.
• 15:33
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm just really open to like hanging around people,
• 15:35
  Speaker 5: like just different energies and learning.
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: And I don't know what it is the feminine she's open, Yeah,
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: and she receives a lot, receives, loves, receives help, receives gifts,
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: receives all of it, and.
• 15:45
  Speaker 3: She like enjoys that.
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 15:48
  Speaker 3: That's so the feminine to a tea, isn't it? Yeah?
• 15:52
  Speaker 3: The work, the work is working.
• 15:57
  Speaker 5: Another one as well, is like, I know we speak
• 16:00
  Speaker 5: a lot about this with our husbands, but I feel
• 16:02
  Speaker 5: like it's also really important in friendships.
• 16:04
  Speaker 3: Is reading the room. Oh my gosh, if your friends.
• 16:07
  Speaker 5: Like having a time and you're gone over and you're
• 16:10
  Speaker 5: like party vibes.
• 16:11
  Speaker 3: Like turning the music up and doing this and then
• 16:14
  Speaker 3: you know what I mean.
• 16:15
  Speaker 5: But those friends that can actually really read your energy
• 16:17
  Speaker 5: and read the room just amazing. Like some of my
• 16:20
  Speaker 5: girlfriends walk in and I'm like, they know what I
• 16:23
  Speaker 5: need and the energy that they bring when they walk
• 16:25
  Speaker 5: through the door. I'm like, whether it's just like to
• 16:27
  Speaker 5: listen or to hold space, or to like have a
• 16:29
  Speaker 5: silly dance party like whatever it might be, but just
• 16:32
  Speaker 5: to read their room or the other person's energy. Love that, Yeah,
• 16:36
  Speaker 5: because I do it all the time. Obviously we all do,
• 16:38
  Speaker 5: I feel like in our relationships, but I also do
• 16:41
  Speaker 5: that in friendships.
• 16:42
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Well, feel like we were having a conversation about
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: this year ago with Stephen Kurt, and I think we
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: were both learning, oh shit, there is a time to
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: talk about this things.
• 16:50
  Speaker 4: Sometimes at night I would be like, oh, what do
• 16:52
  Speaker 4: you think about this? And He's like, Babe, not.
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: Now, we talk about the finances tomorrow, not at seven
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: thirty at night when the kids have just gone to bed.
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah shit, Yeah I didn't think that he looks drained
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: and stressed and like tapped out for the night. Here
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: I am been like, wow, let's talk about this. I
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: feel like we've all been there, but it wasn't until
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: we had that conversation that I was way more conscious
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: of it.
• 17:11
  Speaker 3: Yes, it's so true to bring that into your friendships
• 17:14
  Speaker 3: as well.
• 17:15
  Speaker 4: I love that.
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: My next one is open communication and hard conversations.
• 17:22
  Speaker 3: They need to be had.
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: I don't feel like often with friendships, but every now
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: and again, if something's popped up, or you're feeling resentful
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: or something didn't feel good, to lean and actually have
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: a hard conversation. But you know, what I've learned is
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: just not everyone can meet you there. People can only
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: meet you where they've met themselves. And there's definitely some
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: friendships have had that I'm like, I just can't.
• 17:43
  Speaker 4: Go there with them.
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: I still have love for them, but I feel like
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: the friendship isn't as deeply connected as someone that I
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: can have those conversations with and they can hear me
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: and still love on me and work through it together.
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: Whereas if I can't have those conversations and fully speak
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: my truth and how I'm feeling, it just feels like
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: there's a shield up between you, like an invisible energetic wall.
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: They can't allow you to fully deeply connect.
• 18:06
  Speaker 5: I get why so many people are so scared of
• 18:08
  Speaker 5: hard conversations because I feel like they really can kind
• 18:11
  Speaker 5: of make or break a friendship sometimes. And I feel
• 18:14
  Speaker 5: like though those friendships where you can have hard conversations
• 18:16
  Speaker 5: and you make it out the other side.
• 18:18
  Speaker 3: They feel so much nicer.
• 18:20
  Speaker 5: It feel so much more safer because you know you
• 18:22
  Speaker 5: can have them feel so much more connected.
• 18:25
  Speaker 3: But yeah, there are ones definitely where you kind of
• 18:27
  Speaker 3: fluff around them and you're like.
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: It's the same with the intimate relationships about you. But
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: some of the biggest disagreement Steve and I have had
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: all the hardest times have bought so much more closeness.
• 18:36
  Speaker 4: Oh gosh.
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And I'm like, for I would not want to
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: go through that again with you. But that was actually
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: really powerful. Yeah, that was so pivotal for us. If
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: we did not go through that, I don't know if
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: we would still be here today doing what we're doing now,
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: like feeling how we feel now. It can be the
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: same with your friendships. There's something there that you need
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: to talk about, and if it's not spoken about, it
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: just yeah the walls.
• 18:56
  Speaker 3: Up, Yes it's there.
• 18:57
  Speaker 4: It does doesn't feel.
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: Nice for you or for them, And then it either
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: Dwins is away or the friendship just isn't as authentic.
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: I think as you get older, you just so much
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: more with that. It just doesn't feel good.
• 19:07
  Speaker 3: Definitely, You're so right.
• 19:09
  Speaker 5: As you get older and you start to have those
• 19:11
  Speaker 5: friendships that are like that and so well aligned, yeah.
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: It highlights the ones that aren't, and it makes it harder,
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: I think, to even maintain those friendships because you've been
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: shown what it's like to have a safer friendship like that.
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: And that's where I think you can grow apart from
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: some people, is when you have these friendships that have
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: truly aligned, you can be yourself and be so held
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: and safe. Yeah, it highlights it. It does really just
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: great because you're so grateful for those friends. But then
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: there's also the grieving of like, wow, I don't have
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: that with this person. No, but you can also like
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: I don't know, I've got friends that I can't do
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: that with. They're not as close, but I still love them. Yeah,
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: you know, it's still my energy.
• 19:45
  Speaker 4: I still have respect for them.
• 19:46
  Speaker 3: It's just a bit more fluffy and they're not your
• 19:50
  Speaker 3: people that you go to for like your hard time. No,
• 19:53
  Speaker 3: definitely not. Or you wouldn't be as open even sharing things.
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: No, isn't that another one? The more open you are
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: that creates safety. Like I feel like when my girlfriends
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: share like the deepest, darkest like secrets or hard times,
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: I'm just like, Oh, it makes me feel so nice
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: that they feel so safe to come to me, So
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: then I feel safe to go to them the mutually,
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: You've got this beautiful container where you're both so.
• 20:16
  Speaker 4: Help no matter what.
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because if they're not sharing a lot of their stuff,
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: you don't want to share yours because it's like, oh,
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: will they charge you all?
• 20:22
  Speaker 4: They don't understand or it's truly safe.
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: So the sharing is just so important for female relationships.
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: Vulnerable vulnerability is connection, Yeah, definitely.
• 20:33
  Speaker 5: And then also making sure that you keep that trust
• 20:36
  Speaker 5: as well.
• 20:36
  Speaker 4: Yes, yeah, definitely, just.
• 20:40
  Speaker 3: Common ground and values.
• 20:42
  Speaker 5: Having you know, somebody tang out with that is on
• 20:45
  Speaker 5: the same path as you, it's just so much nicer.
• 20:47
  Speaker 5: You have so much to talk about, you want to
• 20:50
  Speaker 5: do the same things.
• 20:50
  Speaker 3: It's like, oh, let's go for a walk. Amazing, go
• 20:52
  Speaker 3: for a walk together, go do this together.
• 20:54
  Speaker 5: Like I have had friendships where I've been friends with
• 20:57
  Speaker 5: someone when I was really young, like honestly all through
• 21:00
  Speaker 5: school and I just kept like sticking it through, sticking
• 21:02
  Speaker 5: it through the way, Like how we lived just went
• 21:04
  Speaker 5: so different. Friend So, like you know, catch on someone,
• 21:07
  Speaker 5: it might be like, oh, let's go out and party
• 21:08
  Speaker 5: and catch up. But then for you, it's like I
• 21:10
  Speaker 5: want to go for like a beach walk and go
• 21:11
  Speaker 5: get a DCA cofee, you know, or go to a
• 21:15
  Speaker 5: dance class. So it's just having that common ground and
• 21:19
  Speaker 5: similar values. I feel like if you don't have that,
• 21:21
  Speaker 5: it's really hard to build a connection or keep it
• 21:24
  Speaker 5: like maintain true.
• 21:25
  Speaker 4: Yeah, you wort it that really well.
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: I don't think it makes a great friendship when it
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: feels so one sided. Like you know, you're just constantly
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: the one that puts the effort in. You're always reaching out,
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: you're always organizing, You're constantly doing everything, and it's not
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: received back. I think in friendships is probably a more
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: dominant person that like initiates more and organizes more. Like
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: I've always been quite an organized person when it comes
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: to birthday parties. I'm the one to get the cake
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: and like do all that stuff. But I don't know,
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: I feel like it's got to not feel even but
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: it's got to feel like there's similar efforts.
• 21:54
  Speaker 5: Yeah, definitely, you're not be messaging someone checking in or
• 21:57
  Speaker 5: doing this or doing that and then never no, they
• 22:00
  Speaker 5: never have an it.
• 22:01
  Speaker 4: So I don't know, I think that's an important one
• 22:03
  Speaker 4: as well.
• 22:04
  Speaker 5: Yeah, definitely, and that sometimes again when they start to dwindle.
• 22:07
  Speaker 3: Yes, the word dwindle windle, I know, why do we
• 22:10
  Speaker 3: say that? You came up with it? It's like, what's
• 22:13
  Speaker 3: so funny? You know? I always there was two weaks
• 22:16
  Speaker 3: to say, there was like dwindle and something else, and
• 22:18
  Speaker 3: I think we say, I'm flip flopping away now flip
• 22:21
  Speaker 3: you said that, you're I was like, never had no idea.
• 22:24
  Speaker 4: My goodness.
• 22:26
  Speaker 5: Deep the friendships at a surface level, just not being
• 22:29
  Speaker 5: in them for the sake of it just feel so
• 22:31
  Speaker 5: not aligned for me personally. I'll always aim to try
• 22:34
  Speaker 5: to grow a connection with someone, but if it's not there,
• 22:36
  Speaker 5: it ain't there. Yeah, So just having that deep connection
• 22:39
  Speaker 5: and not trying to force it. And like we said before,
• 22:42
  Speaker 5: it's okay to have those friendships and just catch up
• 22:44
  Speaker 5: and you know, go for a walk or do this
• 22:46
  Speaker 5: or go dance class, and then yeah, there's not that,
• 22:49
  Speaker 5: but to have like good deep connection.
• 22:51
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so true.
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, And last one I was thinking about was
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: how I have different friends for different reasons. And I
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: love this because I feel like everyone's had such different
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: walks of life and different experiences and have different values
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: in a pen and sometimes like I'll ask, say, like
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: my top three friends are opinion on a certain situation.
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: They might be completely different advice, but they're also awesome.
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: Or if I'm going through something in a relationship, wise
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: I would go to someone who's in a relationship that
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: I really value their relationship and I know they have
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: a healthy relationship. I wouldn't go to my friends that
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: have a really toxic relationship and take their advice.
• 23:23
  Speaker 4: Yeah, you know what I mean.
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: And then I've got friends that, like, I know that
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: will stroke my ego. That friends will be like yeah,
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: full team Ashy, and that feels.
• 23:33
  Speaker 3: Great in the moment.
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: But then I've also got friends who are like, Okay,
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: let's unpack this a little bit, you know, Yeah, I
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: think this, you know, gives different perspectives. So it's just
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: cool to have different friends for whatever you need in
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: the moment or the situation.
• 23:44
  Speaker 5: Yeah, and I even love getting a few people's advice
• 23:47
  Speaker 5: like when something happens. Sometimes to see like different takee resonates,
• 23:50
  Speaker 5: see different takes on things, because it might make you go, like,
• 23:52
  Speaker 5: you know how I spoken the last episode from last
• 23:55
  Speaker 5: Monday talking about the five different things that could be
• 23:57
  Speaker 5: going on. They might give you three different so alternatives, or.
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: Just might help you see or think of it. Yeah,
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: situation that you never even thought of. Yea, and over
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: here has been like no, fuck them, They've definitely fucked
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: you off for this person whatever. Friends like oh no, no,
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: you know I saw she was really struggling with this. Yes,
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: oh shit, think about that.
• 24:14
  Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, so cool, so cool. My last one is
• 24:18
  Speaker 3: it's not forceful. It's just flowy and easy.
• 24:21
  Speaker 5: Those friendships that are just flowy, easy, same wavelength, just
• 24:25
  Speaker 5: the best.
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: You need that when you're older and have kids too. Yeah,
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: I feel like it can't not be like.
• 24:31
  Speaker 4: That because it would just be too hard. It is true.
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: It's hard enough as it is to catch up with
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: your girlfriends not having it's feeling hard, yeah, definitely, but.
• 24:39
  Speaker 5: Yeah, just flowy easy, Yeah, nice, nice, Yes, ps, your
• 24:48
  Speaker 5: vibes speak louder than your words.
• 24:50
  Speaker 4: Isn't it true?
• 24:51
  Speaker 5: So true?
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: It's like energy you can just feel it way bigger
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: than words. Yeahs. The biggest lesson I learned this year
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: is to not force anything conversations, friendships, relationships, attention, or love.
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: Anything forced is just not worth fighting for. Whatever flows
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: flows and whatever crashes crashes. It is what it is,
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: accept it and be.
• 25:10
  Speaker 4: I love that. So nice, so good.
• 25:13
  Speaker 3: Thanks for joining us, guys. We'll see you Wednesday, see
• 25:15
  Speaker 3: you that.
• 25:16
  Speaker 4: Oh.
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: Also, if you have not subscribed to click follow, please do.
• 25:18
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, please do leave us a nice review if
• 25:21
  Speaker 3: you want while you're there.
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah, any of our episodes if you feel like one
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: of your girlfriends needs to hear this, or you just
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: really enjoyed it. Really appreciate you taking your screenshot and
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: uploading it to your stories. We love seeing your tat.
• 25:31
  Speaker 3: Oh we love sharing them too. It always reposts.
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it really makes our days. So don't get to
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: do that as well.
• 25:37
  Speaker 3: Thanks guys.
• 25:38
  Speaker 5: Bye,