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The Forcefield - Hypnosis to Protect You From a Toxic Boss · The Hypnotist

• 0:05
  Welcome to The Hypnotist, the show that gives you inside
• 0:09
  access to cutting edge hypnosis with real clients facing
• 0:12
  genuine. Issues.
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  Brought to you by The Hypnotherapist, demanded by
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  celebrities, CEOs and even royalty, Adam Cox.
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  These recordings took place live from Evans Clinic in London's
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  world famous Harley Street. So get yourself comfortable and
• 0:31
  enjoy today's episode of The Hypnotist.
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  Hi, it's Adam here and you're about to listen to a hypnosis
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  session all about having the resilience and the emotional
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  resources to cope with either a toxic boss or someone that is
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  bullying or micromanaging in nature.
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  And I was working with a client. That was very.
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  Very successful. They'd climbed the career
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  ladder, got themselves in a very, very high position, but
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  they happened to have a new line manager that they were directly
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  reporting to that would take the credit for the work that they
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  did. Play them out of position, they
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  would undermine them and ask them questions in a quite an
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  aggressive interrogative type of way.
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  They would give them more and more things to do outside of
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  their core responsibilities and be quite passive aggressive and
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  almost kind of see if they can get under their skin.
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  Now that's not a healthy environment to be and in the
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  long term is a lose lose situation.
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  Sometimes you get managers that are quite insecure and they like
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  to belittle and make other people feel small.
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  But nobody can survive in a toxic environment for too long.
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  Either they quit, you know, or they just find something else to
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  do or situations change wherever they're in.
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  And what this client originally felt as they felt quite helpless
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  and they felt quite frustrated and they were getting burnt out
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  because they were working way beyond their contracted hours
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  and they were not really getting the benefit of that.
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  So they felt between a rock and a hard place.
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  So what this session does is it makes them feel that whatever
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  happens, things are going to change.
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  Either the dynamics where they're working are going to
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  change, or they're going to find somewhere else to work and that
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  will be the change. But in the meantime, we wanted
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  them to feel resourceful as possible to handle it.
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  And there's two key things. 1 is a metaphor of a force field, and
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  most people have seen at least one cartoon, TV show or movie
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  that has this representation of a force field.
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  And normally it's some kind of energy sphere that kind of goes
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  around the hero. It means they're immune to kind
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  of laser beams or any kind of destructive things like bullets.
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  It's a force field. It protects them.
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  So that's the connotation of a force field.
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  And then the second is this kind of spirit of composure.
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  And actually, one of the techniques that particularly
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  toxic bosses will use is they thrive with ambiguity.
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  They'll say, right, just get it done without defining what it
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  means, or you can do better than that without defining actually
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  what success looks like. So when dealing with people like
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  that, it's a really good idea to feel composed and curious and
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  say, OK, what would it take to be successful in this situation?
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  Or I've got so many things that I need to do if I have to
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  prioritize one, which is more important than the other.
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  And the moment you start having this mirror back in terms of
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  accountability and responsibility, a lot of their
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  power goes away. Now, quite often when these kind
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  of toxic bosses start feeling like they're losing power, their
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  reaction is to try and be more aggressive or pushy.
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  So that's why the force field alongside these kind of
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  communication strategies is quite necessary and useful.
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  And one of my favorite belief systems is that you get what you
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  tolerate, not what you deserve. And unfortunately, if someone's
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  mean to you, rude to you, disrespectful to you, and by
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  being rude, mean or disrespectful, they get more
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  productivity or they get more results or they get more credit
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  that they're taking from the work that you do.
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  Actually, you're enabling that. You are encouraging and
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  positively, positively reinforcing the very behaviour
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  that you don't want. And a boundary is a boundary.
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  A boundary is what you are willing or not willing to do,
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  and you have the right to do this.
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  Now, a lot of time fear is used and that stops people because a
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  lot of individuals will go inside their head and
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  catastrophize and say, but I need this job and I can't pay
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  the rent or the mortgage without this job and maybe I'll get a
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  bad reference. And all of these things are used
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  as a weapon, as a stick to threaten and coerce people into
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  doing what the toxic boss wants them to do.
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  But if you feel liberated in the sense that no, I have.
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  These boundaries, I'm going to stick to these boundaries.
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  I'm willing to work a little bit extra, but I'm not willing to
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  work weekends. And they become your boundary.
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  What you tend to find is that it forces the other person to
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  respond accordingly. And do you really want to stay
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  in a place where you're not being appreciated or respected
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  anyway? So I would encourage you to
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  think of your specific environments and then tap into
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  this idea of a force field. And what would managing this
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  relationship and managing that future look like for you?
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  And if you like the idea of a bespoke session working with me
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  directly, I would say a great thing to do in the first
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  instance is either to take a suggestibility test, a
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  suitability test, or watch a webinar that I've created.
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  Both of those things are in the description of this episode, so
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  check that out. Click on them and you'll be able
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  to go through the information there.
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  For now, though, find a quiet, comfortable place where you
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  won't be distracted or disturbed.
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  Relax. And enjoy the session.
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  Take a deep breath in, and as you breathe in, breathe in that
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  resourceful feeling of calm and relaxation and every exhale,
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  consider it a release valve, allowing any emotions that have
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  been building up you feel like you've been suppressing or just
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  bubbling under the surface. Just allow them to be released
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  gradually and incrementally every time you breathe out.
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  And when you breathe in, breathe in for longer, not just from
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  your chest, but down from your diaphragm.
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  That's it. And as you exhale, allow it to
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  keep on exhaling. The deeper you breathe, the more
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  relaxed you feel. And the more relaxed you feel
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  the deeper you breathe. Scan your body for any clues of
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  stress, worry or tension. Sometimes it's there in the
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  forehead or the jaw or the neck or the shoulders.
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  Hands in and really feel a sense of release.
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  As your body relaxes, your imagination awakens, and I
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  wonder if you could imagine what it would feel like to breathe in
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  a color of pure relaxation. Maybe it's yellow or orange or
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  something else you just imagine. It's soothing your nervous
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  system, and as you exhale, imagine something dark, shadowy
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  grey. Imagine releasing tension,
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  stress or worry. The body's been working very
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  hard, carrying more than one person's emotional weight.
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  It's been managing the professional and the personal
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  and the physical all simultaneously.
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  And it deserves, right now, the complete permission to release
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  and just put all of that down. As you exhale, allow the
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  shoulders to release, allow the jaw to soften, the hands to
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  open, the tiny space between the eyebrows to just smooth and
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  release. And maybe you notice that as you
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  release these physical holdings, something else begins to shift
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  to the quality of the internal space.
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  A little more room, a little more quiet, a little more of the
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  sense that you are, right now, entirely safe and entirely
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  allowed to rest. You've been the most regulated
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  person in a dysregulated system for a while.
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  Not just exhausting, but draining in a specific way the
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  exhaustion of someone who's been carrying their own resources and
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  someone else's chaos simultaneously.
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  And right here, right now, is the place where you release the
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  chaos and nurture those internal resources.
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  I want you to imagine as I count down from 5 to 1, drifting to a
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  haven within, perhaps a memory, perhaps a place that you've
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  always felt safe, calm and relaxed.
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  As I countdown from 5 to 1, just imagine floating to that place.
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  Five, drifting, floating, 4 just feeling the weight lifting off
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  your shoulders, and three perhaps accessing a thought, a
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  memory of feeling. 2 Arms and legs feeling limp, loose and
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  relaxed as you sink into that space of pure relaxation. 1
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  Arriving perhaps here at the very center of yourself when no
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  one else has any influence over you.
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  Not work related. No deadlines, no conditions,
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  facial expressions of disappointment or passive
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  aggression. It doesn't exist here in this
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  place. And when the nervous system has
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  been running at this elevated level for a while, something
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  happens that's worth understanding.
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  All of that cortisol, adrenaline, stress, obsessive
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  thoughts starts to feel normal. The tension in the shoulders or
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  the jaw becomes background noise rather than signal.
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  That low grade alertness stops feeling like stress and starts
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  feeling like this is how things are.
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  Vigilance becomes normality when you remind yourself of a time of
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  pure relaxation and rest, internal harmony and calm.
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  The contrast becomes clear as the body finds its way to
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  genuine relaxation and stillness.
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  The difference between that elevated state and how you're
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  feeling now is unmistakable. Notice what you notice when you
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  feel more relaxed. Maybe breathing slower, head
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  lighter, That tension in your neck or your jaw just seems
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  loose and relaxed. Maybe you can even scan your
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  body and notice your heart rate starting to slow, muscles
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  releasing. Maybe you're at your baseline or
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  close to it, the state your body is designed to inhabit as the
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  default. It's not been your default
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  recently. You've been on high alert.
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  You've been playing the game someone else wants you to play,
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  but your body remembers, and the nervous system always remembers
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  what rest feels like, even if it's been a long time.
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  The body in genuine rest is doing some of its most important
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  work, processing, integrating, clearing the accumulated
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  chemical residue of sustained stress, restoring the
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  neurochemical balance that sustained alertness depletes.
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  Your nervous system knows how to rest, and you're giving it full
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  permission to do so now. And every time you sleep, and
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  every time you consciously choose to step back from all
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  those burdens and demands that are not yours to carry.
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  And you've seen movies and read books where a character has a
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  force field. Maybe a superhero or science
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  fiction book. An empath needs a force field.
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  The empath needs boundaries. A wall shuts things out, but it
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  also shuts things in. But a force field is different
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  from a wall. Imagine a force field or
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  something permeable in both directions.
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  By deliberate choice, you allow what comes through and what
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  leaves, but anything you choose not to is prevented.
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  You can extend your attention and your empathy and your
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  considerable professional intelligence through it fully
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  when you choose to, and you can withdraw them just as
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  completely. What comes toward you from
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  outside passes through a membrane that you and only you
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  control. You already have this
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  capability. Sometimes people have it in a
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  relationship or a friendship. Someone that used to be able to
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  trigger them, they just make a decision and say no more.
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  The words no longer sting. The power, the hold no longer
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  has the same impact. And I want you to imagine a
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  force field in relation to one specific person.
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  Just imagine seeing yourself, maybe on a meeting, maybe face
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  to face or over a call. But imagine that version of you
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  in your future, with a field of energy surrounding you.
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  It's not armour, not heavy and rigid.
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  Something more like a quality of light just at the edge of your
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  personal space, A glowing membrane that is entirely yours.
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  Maybe it's a color that represents resilience,
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  detachment. Imagine that version of you
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  surrounded by that force field. A force field you created and
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  only you control. Notice the brightness, the
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  colour, the intensity of it. If it has a texture, maybe a
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  texture like glass, like glowing light, maybe it has a
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  temperature, a Halo, luminescence.
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  Just observe and then see that characteristic energy, you know,
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  the tonality, the facial expressions, abruptness.
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  Maybe it's interrogative questions in rapid succession,
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  stopping you talking mid sentence, a sigh.
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  Facial expression. Allow them to be exactly who
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  they are and have shown themselves to be.
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  But within your force field, something's different.
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  Her energy does not permeate the force field.
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  Maybe 1% of that energy is able to get through.
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  You've had times where you've been out in the sun and you've
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  had some some protection, some lotion, and you know that only a
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  tiny percent of the sun's damage can get through, and therefore
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  you can be out in the sun for longer, safe.
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  So imagine that version of you with this force field, perhaps
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  listening but not triggered, perhaps more calm, composed.
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  There'll be clues in your facial expression, your breathing,
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  unflustered, calm, professional. See the version of you entirely
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  intact inside. And then take a first person
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  perspective. Imagine she dials up her energy
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  but you feel calm and relaxed inside the force field.
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  Because you feel different, you can behave different.
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  Can respond to a question with a question.
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  What specifically do you mean by that?
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  You've given me 5 things, which is the most important.
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  If you were me, what would you prioritize first?
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  And if you're met with sarcasm, abruptness, still feel that
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  composure, calmness. Unflappable.
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  This is not you being cold or detached.
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  This is not the shutdown of your empathy, it's the professional
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  deployment of it. Your empathy is being used to
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  understand what is happening, not to absorb what is happening.
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  Some people figure out what buttons to press in.
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  Other people, if they press those buttons and they get more
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  of what they desire, they'll keep pressing those buttons
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  until those buttons don't work anymore.
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  And I want you to imagine this force field enables you to be
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  professional, competent, but now unwilling to play a 0 sum game
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  where someone else benefits and you lose.
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  Take a breath now inside the force field and breathe in pure
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  resourcefulness. And as you exhale, feel the
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  force fields settling into place around you.
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  See the collar, feel the energy, the intensity, and just imagine.
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  Imagine connecting without feeling a feeling that you have
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  resources within the force field and anything that has been
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  sapping those resources can no longer get through.
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  And reach a point of acceptance. You can accept that people are
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  different. Different backgrounds, different
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  beliefs, different narratives. Perhaps they were rewarded by
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  being this way, maybe they have no incentive to change.
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  But that does not require you to change to accommodate them.
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  I want you to get a sense that here you feel empowered.
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  You've decided this whole game only works if you care about
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  losing something that is already proven to be no longer desirable
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  for you. When you reject the premise,
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  you're free from any connotations of it.
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  You don't need to meet that interrogation energy with
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  defensiveness. You can be open upfront and if
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  they amplify or escalate, that's on them, not you.
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  I need to get a growing sense that her behaviour is
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  predictable, may be linked to insecurity narratives of
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  justification. I want you to get a sense that
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  it is not personal, that if someone else was doing your
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  exact role, they would probably experience a very similar energy
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  and style of management. Let's play a game.
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  Let's imagine that the more intense, the more like them that
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  they are, the more comfortable and detached you feel.
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  Consider yourself in reconnaissance, gathering
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  information, soaking it all up. If you're asked a question, you
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  can pause before a response. Good saying, let me think about
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  that and I'll get back to you. Allow yourself to feel that you
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  have options. You can play your game, and I
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  want you to go back to who you were before she was there.
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  Compliments you've received, successes, achievements.
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  Your value, your competency is not diminished simply because
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  someone else is in the role that they're in.
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  All that's happened is that someone has an agenda, is
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  playing a game, and for now, up to this point, your good
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  intentions, you seeing the best in others, has meant that you've
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  been playing their game. But it reaches a point where
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  enough is enough. And if you've been punished for
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  playing that game, why would you continue to play it?
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  Feel required of that state within the force field.
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  Notice how you breathe when you feel relaxed in the force field.
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  How you breathe, You're in a dialogue.
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  Your posture is exactly what harnesses this feeling.
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  Your professional value was built before they arrived and
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  will be intact long after this odd dynamic ends.
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  It is yours and it cannot be taken.
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  I want you to get a sense sense of feeling.
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  Then when they won't change, the onus is on you to change.
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  I want you to think of just two or three boundaries, rules,
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  conditions, non negotiables that you now need to protect you in
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  response. I want you to think of two
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  countries, two countries side by side that used to be friendly
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  neighbors until one of them becomes an aggressor.
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  And if that friendly neighbor continues to be friendly, they
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  will be exploited by the more aggressive.
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  And I wonder what boundaries you need to protect.
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  What is valuable. Time is a boundary.
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  Maybe you choose to protect certain time and refuse to do
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  certain things in that time. Or maybe it's time you take to
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  respond. Another boundary might be what
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  you're willing to tolerate. Bad things happen to good
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  people. You get what you tolerate, not
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  what you deserve. And when you refuse to tolerate,
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  the status quo is no longer viable.
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  Another boundary is your words, your actions.
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  You don't have to decide them now.
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  Just allow your mind to consider what boundaries would keep you
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  safe, would stop the encroachment, stop the erosion.
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  And I want you to get a sense that there is no requirement for
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  you to tolerate a role or you're not valued.
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  If the circumstances won't change, you can choose to change
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  the environment and if your unconscious feels empowered to
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  no longer tolerate. What doesn't serve?
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  You let me know I'm pointing your head.
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  That's it. And take that feeling back as
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  you float from where you are into the present, as you take a
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  deep breath in through your nose and out through your nose.
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  Wiggle your fingers, wiggle your toes.
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  Connect and calibrate into the here and the now as I now count
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  from 1:00 to 10:00 to awaken you.
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  Starting to count 123 waking up 456 more alert 7-8.
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  Open your eyes. Open your eyes 910.
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  Wide awake. Wide awake.
• 35:04
  Wide awake. Thank you so much for joining me
• 35:18
  on today's episode of The Hypnotist.
• 35:21
  If you've enjoyed this episode or got some value from it,
• 35:24
  please give it a five star rating and review.
• 35:28
  And maybe you know someone that would also benefit from this
• 35:32
  particular episode, in which case share the episode with them
• 35:35
  so they can also get the benefit too.
• 35:39
  And if you would like to listen to this episode where it's just
• 35:43
  the hypnosis, so no intro, no outro, no explanation, just the
• 35:48
  hypnosis and completely ad free, there will be a link in the
• 35:52
  description where you can subscribe at a very low cost and
• 35:55
  only get access to the hypnosis. So if that's of interest, please
• 36:00
  check that out. Thank you again for being a
• 36:04
  regular listener of The Hypnotist and I'll see you again
• 36:06
  soon for more.