Latest / Daily Influence / 833. The Wisdom Pause: How to Stop Emotional Carryover at Work | Crystal Rowland

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833. The Wisdom Pause: How to Stop Emotional Carryover at Work | Crystal Rowland · Daily Influence

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[SPEAKER_00]: Welcome to Daily Influence, your daily dose of positive influence.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I'm Brian Smith founder of IA Business Advisors and co-author of the Iain team series.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Each day we share stories and insights to help you find be and build your influence in a positive and responsible way.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm Greg Clino, partner at IA Business Advisors, and co-host of Daily Influence.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Hey everybody, Brian Smith here with the I'm team series and your daily influence and today we are going to explore something that at first might sound like we're looking backward to find answers.
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[SPEAKER_00]: for the modern workplace.
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[SPEAKER_00]: My guest today is Crystal Roland, and she is founder of Path to Serenity Consulting.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Crystal's work brings together principles from stoicism, Buddhism, and other Eastern traditions with modern ideas around emotional intelligence, communication, resilience, and...
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[SPEAKER_00]: leadership.
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[SPEAKER_00]: What caught my attention wasn't necessarily the ancient philosophy.
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[SPEAKER_00]: It was something much more current.
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[SPEAKER_00]: We talk a lot today about workplace well-being, burnout, and what organizations should be doing for their people.
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[SPEAKER_00]: But there's another side to that conversation.
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[SPEAKER_00]: What responsibility do each of us have for the energy of motion and influence we bring into the workplace?
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[SPEAKER_00]: personal practice and organizational responsibility are high of mine so crystal welcome to daily influence.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Thank you so much.
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[SPEAKER_02]: I appreciate you for having me on your show.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Thank you so much.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, you're welcome and I am just as we talked about before we start.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to dive into this first question I have for you and
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[SPEAKER_00]: You know, the one thing that interested me and your work as I was doing research for our show today was the idea of the intentional pause, creating some space between what happens to us and how we respond we.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Talk about influenza, something that's always on, even when we aren't consciously trying to influence somebody.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So when you look at stoicism, Buddhism, and some of these much older philosophies, what have we forgotten about managing ourselves before we try to manage or influence everybody else?
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[SPEAKER_02]: I love that question, Brian.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Thank you so much for asking that.
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[SPEAKER_02]: We fell to understand how much power we have within.
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[SPEAKER_02]: To be completely honest with you, we have to realize that we are more in control of ourselves than we may think.
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[SPEAKER_02]: In the moment while we're speaking, whether it is a difficult conversation, just a conversation at all, before you respond, we have to, we have to take full advantage of that pause.
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[SPEAKER_02]: The beyond's with you, Brian, I call it the wisdom pause because that's one of the smartest things you can do for yourself, it's just take that moment.
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[SPEAKER_02]: before you respond in a situation.
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[SPEAKER_02]: A lot of times, as adults, when we have an conversation, we're just talking and talking, and we feel the need to quickly respond.
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[SPEAKER_02]: And we have to understand, that's not always required.
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[SPEAKER_02]: It's okay.
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[SPEAKER_02]: It is okay to still back, collect your thoughts and return to the conversation
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[SPEAKER_02]: So that's what we're forgetting.
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[SPEAKER_02]: We're forgetting the importance of that wisdom policy, that smart policy just respond and a better way.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I love that.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And I truly wish people would slow down.
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[SPEAKER_00]: As you say, take that pause.
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[SPEAKER_00]: It might not know that's crystal, but slow down is the biggest chapter in our first book.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And it's literally titled, slow down.
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[SPEAKER_00]: because of technology, find themselves just going so fast, so often.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, we want things now, now, now we're like always on a go and believe me, nothing is wrong with that we're all adults.
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[SPEAKER_02]: We have things going on that is completely understandable, but at the same time we have to remind ourselves.
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[SPEAKER_02]: slow down.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Just stop take a breath because it's really good to give your brain the risk.
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[SPEAKER_02]: It works so hard.
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[SPEAKER_02]: You give the rest of the times.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and slowing down helps us be more efficient, make better decisions.
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[SPEAKER_00]: You are best self more often.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And, you know, that
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[SPEAKER_00]: that is a tremendous responsibility and I think that it's a good segue into my second question because you made a point that I think is really important in your work workplace well being requires both personal practice and organizational responsibility.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to kind of challenge that boundary a little and have you dive into it for us because an organization can create a healthy
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[SPEAKER_00]: train its leaders, but it can't regulate emotions of the individuals within the organization.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So at the same time telling someone to simply become more resilient, can become an excuse for tolerating a dysfunctional workplace.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So
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[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, yes.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Where does personal responsibility and an organizational responsibility begin and how do we keep either side from using the other as an excuse?
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[SPEAKER_02]: I really like that because I feel that everyone
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[SPEAKER_02]: holds a responsibility, of course.
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[SPEAKER_02]: When I was in management years and years ago, we was told to advise our people.
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[SPEAKER_02]: I call them, you know, my people.
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[SPEAKER_02]: If I was our people to leave home at the door, you know, to perform well things of that nature to not let your personal life affect your work.
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[SPEAKER_02]: But after,
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[SPEAKER_02]: burnout and really looking within and learning the power of detachment, I realize that that is impossible.
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[SPEAKER_02]: You cannot cut off your personal life when you walk through the doors of your job.
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[SPEAKER_02]: It's just no way.
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[SPEAKER_02]: humanly, humanly possible.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Therefore, it is up to the organization and yourself when it comes to workplace wellbeing.
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[SPEAKER_02]: The organization has to let their employees know that they're there for them and that they actually care about their wellbeing because that's what a lot of employees look at.
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[SPEAKER_02]: They want to stay with a company that actually cares about them and not just throw money at them.
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[SPEAKER_02]: it is about you as a person and you being the best version of yourself that you can possibly be.
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[SPEAKER_02]: It is your responsibility to take control of yourself.
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[SPEAKER_02]: That's why I did, that's why I did study and I am still practicing stoicism and Buddhism because those two things teach you how to detach.
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[SPEAKER_02]: that is the keyword B touch.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Storesism really just have you question question yourself okay what am I and controlling?
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[SPEAKER_02]: What can I govern?
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[SPEAKER_02]: And therefore that would give you the time to you know win out Westmine and Westmine and Westmine.
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[SPEAKER_02]: And then you know with Buddhism it
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[SPEAKER_02]: things of that nature.
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[SPEAKER_02]: So you have to really ask yourself those million dollar questions.
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[SPEAKER_02]: And when it comes to the organizations, I'm not going to allow to you.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Organizations, they do a beautiful job at providing resources.
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[SPEAKER_02]: However, with me and what I discovered is what do you have for your employees in the moment?
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[SPEAKER_02]: You have these workshops that they can sign up to maybe tomorrow and it's week, you have, you know, head space or like these different third party vendors that their employees can go to to find guided research to find people to just help with their well be just all the resources that is great, but do you have something for me now.
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[SPEAKER_02]: when a customer, let's say for instance, we work in a call center.
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[SPEAKER_02]: A customer just cuts me up.
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[SPEAKER_02]: But you know, because they they couldn't get what they want.
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[SPEAKER_02]: There was very, you know, unhappy, what unhappy, whatever the case may be.
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[SPEAKER_02]: And it's a bit of my emotions, I could help them.
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[SPEAKER_02]: They were upset and it's bothering me.
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[SPEAKER_02]: I need something now to get me ready for the next customer.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Or to get me ready for this meeting.
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[SPEAKER_02]: I'm about to have my supervisor.
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[SPEAKER_02]: I need something now.
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[SPEAKER_02]: I
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[SPEAKER_02]: I don't have time to go through a portal.
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[SPEAKER_02]: I don't have time to seek a management to talk it out.
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[SPEAKER_02]: And I probably already used all my breaks for the day.
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[SPEAKER_02]: So what can I have now so that it would not, so I would not carry over that emotion into the nits.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Those are good questions to ask and a good watermark to challenge individuals and organizations to meet, to bring that problem together where the responsibility becomes shared and not individual to the organization or the individual themselves.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So, that crystal, let's make it even more practical.
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[SPEAKER_00]: We have people listening to us that may be working in an organization,
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[SPEAKER_00]: They can't change.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe their leader isn't going to change tomorrow, or their workload isn't going to disappear as quickly as they needed to.
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[SPEAKER_00]: You know, they still have difficult coal workers, customers, deadlines, other pressures waiting for them.
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[SPEAKER_00]: If those individuals want to take responsibility for their own influence and well-being without pretending those external problems,
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[SPEAKER_00]: don't exist.
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[SPEAKER_00]: What maybe two or three things can they actually do differently when they walk into work tomorrow morning?
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[SPEAKER_00]: That might help them.
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[SPEAKER_02]: The beat honest with you, I don't even think it tastes more than two things.
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[SPEAKER_02]: You really have to house.
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[SPEAKER_02]: When I think about it, it just all boils down to pauses and because just like you said, we have so much going on.
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[SPEAKER_02]: So companies is fed for us to perform well.
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[SPEAKER_02]: And that's wonderful and they have every right.
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[SPEAKER_02]: And we need to perform for companies at the same time
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[SPEAKER_02]: I'm coming for the company.
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[SPEAKER_02]: This is my life.
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[SPEAKER_02]: This is my mind, my body, my heart, my emotions.
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[SPEAKER_02]: What can I do to survive through the day?
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[SPEAKER_02]: You know, you have to ask yourself that, but at the same time, it takes more than surviving.
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[SPEAKER_02]: What can I do to thrive throughout the day?
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[SPEAKER_02]: Where I'm not letting things that don't belong to me affect me.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Because think about it before you go to work before you clock in, it's probably some things going on before the end.
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[SPEAKER_02]: And so you have to put in the work before you even go to work.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Just take some time.
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[SPEAKER_02]: We really and truly have to take a few moments to ourselves.
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[SPEAKER_02]: You know, when we talk about self-care, some people envision a fog and your nails done, things of that nature know is deeper than that.
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[SPEAKER_02]: People is so much deeper than that.
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[SPEAKER_02]: You have to take that time to yourself, whether you can what I've done,
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[SPEAKER_02]: on my phone.
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[SPEAKER_02]: I start with the smallest time, maybe five minutes.
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[SPEAKER_02]: I give myself five minutes, no TV, no nothing, and I sit with myself.
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[SPEAKER_02]: And I go through my thoughts.
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[SPEAKER_02]: I asked those million dollar questions.
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[SPEAKER_02]: How are you feeling right now?
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[SPEAKER_02]: If I'm upset, why are you upset?
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[SPEAKER_02]: What happened?
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[SPEAKER_02]: All of these get happened because remember, we have so many thoughts throughout the day.
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[SPEAKER_02]: This is the most important time for you, is that time you take to yourself so that you can be a better version of yourself.
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[SPEAKER_02]: hear it professionally and personally.
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[SPEAKER_02]: And so my for me, people really just have to take that time to themselves and ask those questions.
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[SPEAKER_02]: And who knows you, you will feel.
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[SPEAKER_02]: For me, you will feel so much lighter when you ask those questions and you have to answer them now, you can ask yourself questions and either lie to yourself or don't say anything because this is for you who else.
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[SPEAKER_02]: you're asking yourself these questions.
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[SPEAKER_02]: So why would you, you know, lots of yourself or make excuses?
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[SPEAKER_02]: Just like you said, we have a lot of resolve, emotions or whatever that we ignore.
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[SPEAKER_02]: We, and we wonder why we still stressed out why we're still carrying things over because we ignored them.
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[SPEAKER_02]: and we can't ignore them.
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[SPEAKER_02]: We can't because those emotions are not going anywhere.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Unless we do something about it.
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[SPEAKER_02]: So we have to question those emotions because a lot of those emotions don't once again don't belong to us.
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[SPEAKER_02]: We are probably upset because something happened to our neighbor or another coworker or something else and we're letting that affect our emotions.
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[SPEAKER_02]: And we have to understand the difference between empathy and sympathy.
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[SPEAKER_02]: You can empathize with someone, but not caring it with you as you're being sympathetic, because simple that is where you're mostly relate to them.
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[SPEAKER_02]: You have the same experience, but empathy, oh, I can understand how you feel and know what you're going through, but I don't have to carry that.
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[SPEAKER_02]: And I don't have to let it become my emotions,
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[SPEAKER_02]: do that indirectly directly and that and that is where those minutes to yourself five, four, three, however many as you feel comfortable with just thought small and ask yourself those questions and you know just remove it and step into the day with more clarity and more confidence and more understanding.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I really like that answer.
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[SPEAKER_00]: It does what I think everybody should think about, which is we all most of us like to help others, but we can't be our best self for others without first being our best self to ourselves.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And what you just outlined for everybody was a really practical way to put yourself in the best present mindset that you can be.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And I think, you know,
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[SPEAKER_00]: up to this point, if anybody was to rewind, rewind that last bit that crystal shared because this amazing advice for us to take care of in moment issues that we're dealing with.
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[SPEAKER_02]: And what if we have to heal others, we have to heal ourselves in a healing never, never, and never, and never, and.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that's why we teach we don't teach change crystal we teach continuous improvement and we don't we don't we don't we don't believe in change in our organization for ourselves for for our clients we believe.
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[SPEAKER_00]: and continuous improvement, every change program that we develop as a continuous improvement program, not a change.
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[SPEAKER_02]: So, and not only that, also take it further because it was, again, I'm a graduate student at Liberty University, you know, specialized in clinical mental health counseling and sometimes we, you know,
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[SPEAKER_02]: the answers for our lives.
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[SPEAKER_02]: We already had the answers.
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[SPEAKER_02]: It's just like a scavenger hunt.
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[SPEAKER_02]: I look at it this way and the most simple and practical way.
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[SPEAKER_02]: We bury those answers with social media, with bad habits, whatever the case may be, we bury all of the answers we already have.
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[SPEAKER_02]: And so with me being a counselor and also throughout my journey,
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[SPEAKER_02]: I like going through the scavenger hunt, you know, and I want to help people grab their hand, guide them, and take them on the scavenger hunt because they have every single thing beneath.
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[SPEAKER_02]: You just have to take the time to find it.
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[SPEAKER_02]: And on the wake of find it, you have the pals, just like you said, you have to slow down, have to.
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[SPEAKER_02]: But you have everything you need, you just have to find it.
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[SPEAKER_00]: go to the end.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I'd like you to do two things.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Is there anything else that you would like to share with our listeners?
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[SPEAKER_00]: Number one, and number two, would you please share with our listeners how they can communicate with you?
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[SPEAKER_02]: How you can communicate with me.
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[SPEAKER_02]: I'm a workplace well-being consultant.
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[SPEAKER_02]: I've created curriculum where it helps organizations with their own board and training, with their leadership development, teaching more presence in the workplace for all generations, because we work together.
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[SPEAKER_02]: All ages, shape sizes, nationality, all of us work together in all of us have something in common.
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[SPEAKER_02]: So I'll leave it at that because we can be talking on and on, but people definitely can reach me at path to serenity dot info slash podcast I made a special page for podcast so you can just check me out in other conversations and I also have a free guided reset for the listeners is called the present leader and it's only 90 seconds the reason I chose 90 seconds is because
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[SPEAKER_02]: Let's keep it real people.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Our attendance, our attention span is super short.
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[SPEAKER_02]: And you want to start small for the people who are stressed out who's burnt out and don't know where to start.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Don't know what to do.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Just start small and trust me when you get the hang of things, it will grow more and more and more.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Therefore, I've created the curriculum for organization organizations to have where I teach it for important.
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[SPEAKER_02]: And also for leadership development and once again with the curriculum, I have these guided resets where they are treated as follow-throughs.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Therefore, with the training, of course, will organizations you go through training first, and then you're expected to do your job to the best of your ability.
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[SPEAKER_02]: However, with these resets, it's just a reminder for in the moment during the work day.
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[SPEAKER_02]: and a lot of people really need that in organizations in order to have a very common workplace.
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[SPEAKER_02]: A really good workplace culture, a good workplace well-being culture, where your people want to study.
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[SPEAKER_02]: and where you are very valuable to your employees and they look up to you and they will do anything for you.
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[SPEAKER_02]: If you are a good leader, your people would do anything for you and you have to show them the same respect as well and how we can do that we have to be present.
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[SPEAKER_02]: We have to have
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[SPEAKER_02]: So please definitely chip me out if you don't want to have that emotional carry over in the workplace, you want to have more click clarity, definitely chip me out at my website and I will help your organization.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Crystal, thank you so much.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I really appreciate the conversation that we've had.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And one thing I hope everyone listening takes away today is that responsibility doesn't require control.
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[SPEAKER_00]: We aren't going to control every leader, every coworker, customer, deadline or circumstance.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Organizations absolutely have a responsibility for the environments they create and the behaviors that they tolerate, but within those environments, we still have responsibility individually what we bring into them and that's what influences so sometimes responsible influence may be as simple as that pause that crystal talked about today.
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[SPEAKER_00]: recognizing what we're feeling, deciding how we're going to respond and understanding that our response is likely to ripple out beyond us to others and could more about crystal and her work with path to serenity consulting through the links that will provide in the show notes.
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[SPEAKER_00]: There's going to be a link to reach out to her to communicate with her and her organization and I hope that you Everything's on a website.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, and I hope that you all do that when you have that time and need to have those conversations and to close I'm Brian Smith with the I'm team series and remember influence is always on the question is what are you going to do with yours?
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[SPEAKER_02]: Have a great day with the pause people