Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / 152. Blindsided in Love: How Do Let Go of The Future You Were Promised?

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152. Blindsided in Love: How Do Let Go of The Future You Were Promised? · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Apologie production. I need your advice. Are you okay? What happened?
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: Promise it won't be too much. Bring it in.
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: Welcome to our Bestie segment Gold.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: This is the place for you. Hello everybody, welcome back
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: to a best episode. Happy Friday. I hope you've got
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: a beautiful weekend plan, but you get straight into it.
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  Speaker 1: We've got a juce you one today. Absolutely, let's get
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  Speaker 1: stuck in and get into it.
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  Speaker 2: I recently had a two and a half month connection
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  Speaker 2: that really caught me off guard. I developed strong feelings
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  Speaker 2: very quickly. Even from the first date. Something did actually
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  Speaker 2: feel different. This isn't a pattern of mine. It takes
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  Speaker 2: a lot for me to let people in. But we
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  Speaker 2: just felt so naturally connected and it felt so right,
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  Speaker 2: And because I've never felt this way before, I started
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  Speaker 2: to believe he might be in brackets the one. At
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  Speaker 2: the same time, I knew I needed to observe his
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  Speaker 2: character over time, and I was doing that. We were
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  Speaker 2: taking things slowly. He was respectful, thoughtful and genuine consider it,
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  Speaker 2: But looking back, I realized I hadn't yet seen how
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  Speaker 2: he handled discomfort or challenging situations. Still, I had a
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  Speaker 2: really good feeling about us. The last time we saw
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  Speaker 2: each other, he was talking about plans all the way
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  Speaker 2: through Christmas Eve, saying he'd hope we still be together
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  Speaker 2: by then. He asked what kind of milk I drank,
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  Speaker 2: so that he could have it ready in the fridge
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  Speaker 2: for next time. He was planning dates, swimming with whales,
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  Speaker 2: introducing me to his friends, bike rides, pottery, the whole thing.
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  Speaker 2: We walked around his property in Pigerbean a few times,
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  Speaker 2: and the last time he told me he could imagine
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  Speaker 2: us doing the same thing when we were eighty. He
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  Speaker 2: kept saying how right it all felt, and honestly it did.
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  Speaker 2: I felt safe, seen, chosen, and pursued. I felt like
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  Speaker 2: I really mattered and I trust him. Through that, I
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  Speaker 2: opened myself fully in this connection, like big time opened.
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  Speaker 2: I felt grounded, so present, deeply loving, even if the
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  Speaker 2: words hadn't been said yet, and the energy between us
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  Speaker 2: was full of warmth and care, and it really allowed
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  Speaker 2: myself to really be in it. And then completely out
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  Speaker 2: of nowhere, he ended things, oh by text. When I
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  Speaker 2: asked if we could speak about it, he told me
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  Speaker 2: he wouldn't show up for a conversation. He said he
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  Speaker 2: knew he would crumble and agree to things he wasn't
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  Speaker 2: ready for out of guilt and pressure, rather than from
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  Speaker 2: a place of clarity. That absolutely shattered me. I was blindsided.
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  Speaker 2: It's been incredibly painful not to be given the space
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  Speaker 2: to speak, to process, or to bring any kind of closure.
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  Speaker 2: We exchanged a few texts, but after my last two
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  Speaker 2: messages he completely ghosted me no reply. His reason for
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  Speaker 2: ending it was that he needed to work on himself.
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  Speaker 2: He said he didn't realize how much the connection would
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  Speaker 2: bring up within him, but it did, and that he
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  Speaker 2: needed to focus on healing that he didn't feel he
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  Speaker 2: could do it whilst also giving a relationship the attention
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  Speaker 2: it deserved. I do know that he was feeling a
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  Speaker 2: lot about us, but in a good way, and I
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  Speaker 2: felt the same, and it was also a lot for
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  Speaker 2: me too. But he was also feeling a lot within
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  Speaker 2: himself and his own stuff, and it seemed to be
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  Speaker 2: come too much. Instead of facing a conversation or even
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  Speaker 2: asking to slow things down, he avoided it all together.
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  Speaker 2: Now I'm sitting with all of it, trying to understand
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  Speaker 2: how to move forward. I don't want this to happen again.
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  Speaker 2: I feel hesitant to date scared to open myself like
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  Speaker 2: that again. I want to protect myself better next time.
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  Speaker 2: And I keep asking myself did I allow myself to
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  Speaker 2: feel too much too soon? And yet a part of
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  Speaker 2: me also knows that I really let myself be present,
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  Speaker 2: I let myself hope, and I let myself feel something real.
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  Speaker 2: It just turns out that he couldn't mean me there,
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  Speaker 2: not in the long run anyway. Anyway, he's overwhelm gotten
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  Speaker 2: the way of him treating me with the care enclosure
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  Speaker 2: I deserved. So did I allow myself to feel too
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  Speaker 2: much too soon?
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  Speaker 1: Ah? That's so sad. I can imagine how freaking hard
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  Speaker 1: that would be, so wanting someone that you can't have.
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  Speaker 1: And then for me, the lack of communication and not
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  Speaker 1: even having a face to face conversation personally, I find
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  Speaker 1: that really disrespectful. Like, I know he's scared, I know
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  Speaker 1: he's feeling a lot, but I think just the decency
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  Speaker 1: didn't actually have a face face conversation. So I'm really
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  Speaker 1: sorry that you didn't get to have that. By the sounds,
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  Speaker 1: I don't think you would have a pressure on him,
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  Speaker 1: but you could have spoken about it and created safety
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  Speaker 1: for him to talk about whatever it was. Coming up,
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  Speaker 1: but moving forward, I would hate to think that you'll
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  Speaker 1: close yourself off and not give I open your whole heart,
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  Speaker 1: because all you're gonna do is prevent yourself from feeling
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  Speaker 1: all those beautiful feelings and creating the deep connection that
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  Speaker 1: you know you desire. So don't do anything differently. All
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  Speaker 1: you can do. The best thing you can do is
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  Speaker 1: just be your full self. And also, if you hold
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  Speaker 1: parts of yourself back to you're not showing up authentically. Yes,
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  Speaker 1: it's almost like putting a bit of a mask on
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  Speaker 1: and then they are getting to know this version of you,
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  Speaker 1: but not fully. Yeah, so that's how you kind of
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  Speaker 1: starting your relationship, which is a bit rocky to me.
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  Speaker 1: We're just all about transparency, being the biggest, boldest version
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  Speaker 1: of yourself, and the right people are gonna love everything
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  Speaker 1: about you, and they will do everything in their power
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  Speaker 1: to make sure they never leave you. Yeah, they would
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  Speaker 1: never do anything to jeopardize it. They won't do anything
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  Speaker 1: to break your trust. Like I truly believe that.
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  Speaker 2: Hey as well, it sounded like you said that you
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  Speaker 2: took things slow, and you did say like I was
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  Speaker 2: observing his character, I was learning how he navigated things,
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  Speaker 2: and you also equally allowed yourself to feel what it
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  Speaker 2: was that was coming up for you. And I think
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  Speaker 2: that's a really beautiful thing andful to be honest, Like,
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  Speaker 2: this is the risk that you take when you open
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  Speaker 2: your heart to somebody. Yeah, could have been anyone, It
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  Speaker 2: doesn't matter. You know, we don't really know necessarily the
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  Speaker 2: timeline of what this kind of like unfold for you.
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  Speaker 1: But this is the risk you take.
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  Speaker 2: And sometimes, like opening your heart up to somebody, you
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  Speaker 2: do have the risk of getting hurt. But the good
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  Speaker 2: thing is that you actually allowed yourself to explore that,
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  Speaker 2: because if you didn't and you held back, like what
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  Speaker 2: actually said, like, you wouldn't have been able to open yourself.
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  Speaker 2: You wouldn't have been able to allow those feelings in
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  Speaker 2: allow yourself to enjoy it. And yes, he wasn't able
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  Speaker 2: to meet you in the way that you deserved or
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  Speaker 2: needed at the time, but that one hundred percent says
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  Speaker 2: more about his capacity and where he was at in
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  Speaker 2: his point in his journey versus where you are at. Yeah,
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  Speaker 2: and better to know that you can give all of
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  Speaker 2: yourself and give yourself one hundred percent fully and then
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  Speaker 2: that person show hey, I'm not able to meet you
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  Speaker 2: even if you didn't say.
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  Speaker 1: It, you can't control how someone's going to show up
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  Speaker 1: or respond. And even if this was just six weeks
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  Speaker 1: or six months in a relationship, guess what, this can
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  Speaker 1: also happen at sixteen years. True, this can also happen
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  Speaker 1: at thirty six years. Anyone is silly to think that, yes,
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  Speaker 1: we want to find the one and be with them forever.
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  Speaker 1: I've been seen for a very long time. But you
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  Speaker 1: never know what's going to happen. Yeah, the only thing
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  Speaker 1: you know is that things will change, yes, And can
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  Speaker 1: you adapt and flow together and grow together? Or does
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  Speaker 1: chapter's close and this chapter closed earlier for a reason
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  Speaker 1: and also no after I don't know. My personal belief
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  Speaker 1: is most people put on a bit of a mask
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  Speaker 1: at the front. They're putting the best footfall because they're
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  Speaker 1: trying to woo you in. They're trying to impress you.
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  Speaker 1: They want you to fall for them because they like
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  Speaker 1: you and they care for what you think. And then
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  Speaker 1: a couple of months in you start to see how
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  Speaker 1: they respond in conflict, how they are when they're moody,
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  Speaker 1: how they are when they're tired, what kind of habits
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  Speaker 1: they have, are they mess you like there's so many
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  Speaker 1: little things. You start to get to know the real person.
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  Speaker 1: The mask comes off, and then you get to decide like, oh,
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  Speaker 1: are we aligned. Yes, it's not striving for perfection because
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  Speaker 1: no one has that. But obviously his mask came off
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  Speaker 1: and he wasn't ready to meet you there and have
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  Speaker 1: that level of depth. That felt scary for him. And
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  Speaker 1: maybe he's a bit of good and avoidant for whatever reason.
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  Speaker 1: He's got his own journey to go on. But don't
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  Speaker 1: you dare close your heart because that's one of the
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  Speaker 1: most beautiful things about you. And if you want that
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  Speaker 1: kind of depth in and connection in a relationship, you
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  Speaker 1: have to give all of you. And it's the risk
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  Speaker 1: you take, whether it's together six weeks or sixteen years. Like,
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  Speaker 1: it's just that's relationships, isn't it. You can't just have
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  Speaker 1: a wall up the whole time.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's so true. And also you know you've asked
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  Speaker 2: the question, have I did I let myself feel too
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  Speaker 2: much too soon? The only person who knows that is.
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  Speaker 1: You, well, who makes the rules on that.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, one hundred percent where it's a lie, but you
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  Speaker 2: know when like, yes, that's true, that's very true. Actually,
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  Speaker 2: but you know when like you're maybe you know, was
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  Speaker 2: it that you made him your everything very soon?
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  Speaker 1: Right? You know what I mean?
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  Speaker 2: Like if you look at it from that perspective of
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  Speaker 2: like your friendship, feel, yeah, do you feel like you've
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  Speaker 2: rushed into it in terms of like, oh, this isn't
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  Speaker 2: important to me anymore, you know, instead of spending time
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  Speaker 2: with your girlfriends, you want to go spend time with him,
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  Speaker 2: or you know, maybe your work is important to you,
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  Speaker 2: but then you're like, oh, blow off this work task
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  Speaker 2: that I need to do because I want to go
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  Speaker 2: see him and make time for him. That's when I
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  Speaker 2: think there's something to look at of just like okay,
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  Speaker 2: what kind of pace are you moving at? Because then
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  Speaker 2: you know, okay, I can stay strong within myself whilst
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  Speaker 2: also introducing somebody new into my life. But if you
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  Speaker 2: feel you've rushed and you've like moved with like you know,
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  Speaker 2: a lot of haste, then maybe that's something that you
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  Speaker 2: can pay attention to next time and just give yourself
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  Speaker 2: permission that you can go slow. Yeah, you know, like
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  Speaker 2: you don't need to make them your everything straight away
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  Speaker 2: because they're still earning that spot in your life, you
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  Speaker 2: know what I mean. Still make sure if you can
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  Speaker 2: if you do this again, which I know you will,
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  Speaker 2: because you'll open your heart again one day, allow things
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  Speaker 2: to evolve naturally as they do, you know, and also
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  Speaker 2: still prioritize everything else in your life at the same time.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah. And sometimes when women or men rush and jump in,
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  Speaker 1: it can come from an anxious place too, like I
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  Speaker 1: don't want you to leave now, or it can come
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  Speaker 1: from a place of lust and just rose colored glasses
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  Speaker 1: on and everything's perfect. I can't give enough this person.
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  Speaker 1: And it's a fun feeling that, Yeah, that honeymoon stage
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  Speaker 1: is so beautiful, but also it's just all the time,
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  Speaker 1: it's not reality. Yeah, so take it slow, to focus
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  Speaker 1: on yourselves, to all to do the things that you love.
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  Speaker 1: And you're right, they need to earn that spot in
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  Speaker 1: your life.
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  Speaker 2: Sometimes in the past, I've had that story in my
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  Speaker 2: head of like, oh, I found the one. I've had
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  Speaker 2: that before too, And when I did, I noticed that
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  Speaker 2: I put pressure on this person to be that because
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  Speaker 2: in my head I had made up this story that
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  Speaker 2: he was the one. Instead of letting things naturally unfold,
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  Speaker 2: and then when things don't turn out the way that
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  Speaker 2: you wanted or hoped or that you expected or projected
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  Speaker 2: that it will. Then you have to deal with the
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  Speaker 2: disappointment of all of the expectations you set on this
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  Speaker 2: person and how your life was going to look and
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  Speaker 2: now it's all of a sudden not going to look
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  Speaker 2: like that. And so I understand why the feeling of
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  Speaker 2: no closure hurts so much more because you're dealing with
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  Speaker 2: unmet expectations and this fantasy that you've created of like
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  Speaker 2: what your life could have looked like with this person.
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  Speaker 2: And that's a really hard thing to navigate, especially when
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  Speaker 2: that person is the one who's not willing to have
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  Speaker 2: a conversation with you. That's really hard.
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  Speaker 1: It's like a form of grief. And once again, it's
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  Speaker 1: six weeks, six months, or six years or sixteen years,
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  Speaker 1: it's still grief. Could you're having to let go of
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  Speaker 1: someone that's still here, but you can't have them or
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  Speaker 1: what you wanted. So you feel you in this. But yeah,
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  Speaker 1: I really hope this just remind you to keep your
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  Speaker 1: heart open because if you want that level of depth
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  Speaker 1: and how beautiful those feelings were, you get to experience
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  Speaker 1: that with other people as well. I don't believe in
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  Speaker 1: made just to be with one person. You can fall
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  Speaker 1: in love with most of peoples and have beautiful experience
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  Speaker 1: all of them for different reasons in different chapters of
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  Speaker 1: your life. So he was a beautiful evidence that you
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  Speaker 1: will find an amazing connection and has so much common
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  Speaker 1: ground and fun together. There's other people out there that
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  Speaker 1: you can have that with and it will just be different.
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  Speaker 2: It sounds like it's just set a bar for you
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  Speaker 2: of what you want the next one to feel.
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  Speaker 1: Like, how beautiful is that?
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  Speaker 2: So beautiful?
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  Speaker 1: I love that. I hope that helps and sitting you
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  Speaker 1: lots of love And if you're a next partner that
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  Speaker 1: you find or you know, go on dates with and
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  Speaker 1: start to form a connection with love and.
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  Speaker 2: Update, yeah, absolutely, and just remember like you'll never be
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  Speaker 2: too much for the right people.
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  Speaker 1: Never know.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a big lesson.
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  Speaker 1: We both like, Oh my gosh, y never such a
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  Speaker 1: powerful lesson. They'll be able to hold you. Yes, And
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  Speaker 1: I love everything about you that I never want to
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  Speaker 1: like dim that part of you. Yeah. Awesome, Thanks for
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  Speaker 1: joining us, See you guys on Monday. Bye bye.