Latest / Questionable Detour / Making children train for WW1, throwing your wife at someone, and reindeer helping the Russians fight Ukraine.

Transcript

Making children train for WW1, throwing your wife at someone, and reindeer helping the Russians fight Ukraine. · Questionable Detour

0:00
Excuse me, what is going on here?
0:04
But first we're gonna make a little detour.
0:09
So absurd, so questionable.
0:12
I guess we're just the weirdos.
0:15
Expect the detour.
0:24
Here we go. This is a good way to start.
0:26
It's a good...
0:27
If Gondro thought we were too dark, buckle up,
0:29
Gondro.
0:30
If you were to commit suicide, like how would you do it?
0:33
How would you go about it?
0:33
Because I was actually thinking about this the other day.
0:35
Should we stop recording for this?
0:37
If you're talking about you were thinking about committing suicide yesterday.
0:41
This is Zach sitting at home alone with a fifth of Jack Daniels.
0:46
Editing the pod.
0:48
Wondering why life is just as tough as it is.
0:51
Oh, like the sky is a little grayer and lights don't shine as bright.
0:55
But let's let's talk about that.
0:57
Maybe you all can relate to me a little bit.
0:59
I don't know that I have a relation to that.
1:01
I haven't thought about committing suicide.
1:03
Look at this guy with his stiff mental health.
1:06
This guy's got his mental health in check.
1:09
This guy's got a good life.
1:11
He's never thought about ending it.
1:12
Well, just, you know, just pretend.
1:14
Pretend that your life sucks a little bit more.
1:17
I think it would be fun to go out by running in front of one of those steam rollers.
1:21
That would be cool.
1:23
I think if you can commit suicide, ruin somebody else's life with it.
1:25
Like make them an accomplice.
1:27
Yeah.
1:28
Because technically it's manslaughter.
1:30
Yeah.
1:31
I mean, they they would have to did kill you.
1:33
Yeah.
1:34
You know, they'd have to go to court.
1:35
They would have to go to some sort of court.
1:36
I mean, whether they get convicted is another thing.
1:39
But my sad family just sitting there staring them down like he did it.
1:44
And those things move slow.
1:45
The steam rollers.
1:46
Oh, yeah.
1:47
Move slow.
1:48
That's why that would be a painful one because it started at your legs
1:51
and then it'd be like, all right, another 10 seconds.
1:53
Yeah, it's not only painful, but if the guy doesn't steer clear of you,
1:58
it's kind of his fault.
1:59
Uh huh.
2:00
Yeah.
2:00
He has the opportunity to make a change.
2:03
He could at a minimum, like, you know, ruin my legs.
2:06
Yeah.
2:06
I could be flat from the waist down.
2:08
But if he makes the turn quick enough, my top half is safe.
2:12
Yeah, exactly.
2:13
Yeah, I feel like at that point, probably manslaughter charges should be brought
2:16
because he could hit the brakes.
2:17
I assume those things have brakes, right?
2:18
Like they're a machine.
2:19
What if he swerves into you?
2:23
Is it murder at that point?
2:24
Yeah, I think so.
2:25
Then I'll have to look at and be like, do I know you from somewhere?
2:28
Did we have beef?
2:31
Is that you, Perry?
2:33
Or are you driving the steamroller at me?
2:36
It makes me laugh thinking about an angry person in a steamroller
2:39
because they do move so slow.
2:40
So it's just like them, like angry face going at you,
2:43
but they're only moving like five miles an hour.
2:45
Constantly trying to press the pedal a little bit harder.
2:47
There's so much thought happening in that long time period.
2:50
There's a lot of thinking.
2:51
They could definitely change their viewpoint on whether they want to kill me or not.
2:55
Or just find a new way to kill you.
2:57
It'd be faster and more efficient just to get out and stab you.
3:02
At what point do you do that and you just make them sign a paper
3:05
and go, this is an assisted suicide?
3:07
I know we're not a legal podcast,
3:08
but I feel like somehow something should be legal
3:11
if you were like, this person's helping me turn to flat Stanley.
3:15
Maybe a handshake.
3:18
There shouldn't be a paper trail,
3:20
but I think a handshake would do the trick.
3:23
In front of a witness, maybe.
3:25
Who'd you get to be your witness?
3:26
You just need a notary.
3:27
You just need some old lady that had for some reason got her notary certification.
3:31
You're like, stand here.
3:33
Stand here while I go do this.
3:34
And she just is.
3:35
Women do just randomly get notary.
3:38
What did you need for that?
3:39
And I think it's for these situations that somebody needs an assisted suicide by.
3:44
Steamrollers.
3:46
Is that the actual term or?
3:47
Is it not like asphalt flattener or something like that?
3:50
Because that's what they're doing.
3:51
I think steamrollers, right?
3:52
I think steamrollers for what position would you go out in?
3:55
Like when that thing finally gets over you after about three minutes.
3:59
Missionary.
4:01
Thank a real man.
4:06
I think that's a good way to go out.
4:07
That'd be painful way to go out.
4:08
But I mean, it's your suicide.
4:09
So who am I to who am I?
4:10
You've been judged enough and this driven you to that point.
4:13
So he's going out just like I don't need your life.
4:16
Going out just like you lived his life.
4:18
Let it happen.
4:19
Just being passive and not moving, literally rolling over and dying.
4:24
Stagnant.
4:26
Evan, how are you committing suicide?
4:28
I'm speaking of laying there.
4:29
OK, I think I'm just going to lay there.
4:33
I'm just going to try to stay in one spot until I die.
4:36
No food, no food.
4:37
You just starve yourself.
4:38
Yeah, it's either poor health or I just die.
4:42
Are you going to be doing anything?
4:43
Just looking at the ceiling.
4:44
Just staring.
4:45
Just stare.
4:46
That's the saddest way to go out.
4:47
Just stare. That's the saddest way.
4:49
I think that's I think that's kind of sad.
4:51
Just looking out into the abyss.
4:52
Yeah.
4:53
Are you thinking of anything?
4:54
No, not behind those eyes.
4:57
So are you you're doing this at your house?
4:59
Your wife is doing things around the house, cooking dinner.
5:02
I'm just on the couch.
5:03
She's like, Evan, what are you doing?
5:04
She's dying.
5:07
Going out, honey.
5:08
Wasting space.
5:09
I don't know.
5:10
Trying not to think about it.
5:13
It's just in my head is just a blank white canvas like in the Scooby
5:16
Doo movie.
5:17
Yeah, it's elevator music.
5:18
Sorry, but not even good elevator music like like the elevator music's
5:23
generally jazz, but it's played by a amateur jazz player.
5:27
Yeah.
5:27
So it's just the keys and horn sounds are all.
5:30
Yeah.
5:30
They're like clicking the wrong buttons and everything.
5:32
If that's in your head, no wonder you want to go out.
5:34
I think you would want to go out.
5:36
I think you would want to go out quicker than just a passive.
5:39
That's not all bad.
5:41
I think if there's some songs he kind of knows, he's played a lot.
5:44
Mary had a little lamb.
5:45
Yeah, I think if that were the case for you, I would feel bad for you.
5:52
I would just steamroller that just got over him.
5:55
Literally, I would just pay him to take a hard left and just roll right through
5:58
your the front door of your house.
6:00
Double murder.
6:01
Yeah, just kind of hit you ruin my house.
6:04
You know, got things to live for.
6:06
That's a house.
6:07
Well, not live for, but yeah, you're not living.
6:09
And also, if you go your way, if you change your mind at all, you can you
6:13
can course correct, you can just start getting up and eat.
6:17
You just start living your life.
6:18
Listen, I feel like you've been committing suicide.
6:20
It needs to be final.
6:21
Your action of suicide should not you should not be able to get out of it.
6:25
You know what I'm saying?
6:26
Yeah, but then I could garner sympathy and be like, oh, I attempted suicide.
6:29
That's what you're doing because I played there for, I don't know, three hours.
6:35
What if you get so bored?
6:36
You're like, it's kind of suicide's boring.
6:38
Like get up and start playing video games.
6:40
And then I just go about my day and then when the next person I attempted to
6:44
is your wife leaves the house, do you play video games?
6:47
Then when she comes in, you just throw it across the room like you hadn't been doing it.
6:51
Just laying on the couch.
6:52
She's like, you seem slightly happier.
6:55
Like it's a little, it's a little smirk on your face.
6:57
I'm like, no, no, no, no, I'm depressed.
6:59
Still hating myself.
7:01
Tempting that suicide.
7:03
Life is ending as we speak.
7:05
I remember I was going to tell you, I thought of a new way to get a free day off of work.
7:12
Suicide.
7:13
Well, that's more than one day.
7:14
This is probably like a one day thing.
7:16
Okay.
7:17
Yeah. One day cap.
7:19
Okay. What's the, what's the way in pride month?
7:22
Just tell your boss that you're gay and then you'll probably get a day off.
7:26
But.
7:28
Oh God.
7:29
This is all, this is all just an assumption.
7:31
The only issue is if he knows you're married, then it's like, well, at that point, you just
7:36
get to give him a wink, you know, like, you know, I'm gay and wink, wink.
7:40
No, he'll think you're hitting on him.
7:42
Yeah.
7:43
I mean, that only just plays into your claim, but then maybe he is like thinking you're harassing
7:50
him, you know, but he also might want you out of the office.
7:52
So he might give you that day.
7:53
Yeah.
7:53
But he'll probably may give you more days than that too.
7:56
So it's like, because he fired you.
7:57
Yeah.
7:57
HR doesn't do HR doesn't look well on that, but yeah.
8:01
So the long con would be, you have to, you know, kind of play in the, you left your wife
8:06
and kids and you're now with a man and that way every year you get a day off during pride.
8:15
Listen, if you hate your job so much that you're willing to implode your family for
8:19
the sake of one extra day off during June, you're going to have to get a day off.
8:24
For the sake of one extra day off during June, June or July.
8:29
Yeah.
8:30
Okay.
8:30
Um, to get one extra day off a year, then you probably just need to quit your job.
8:35
Evan, what would you suggest our listeners do in the month of February?
8:45
Tell us now.
8:49
Go to your nearest costume supplies.
8:51
Oh no.
8:51
There it is.
8:52
Yeah.
8:53
Oh man.
8:54
I mean, there you go.
8:54
I mean, listen, I, for the listeners don't commit suicide.
8:58
I think that's important.
9:00
Whether or not you tell your boss is boss, you're gay in an effort to get a day off.
9:03
That's up to y'all legally.
9:05
Legally, we should not be held responsible whether you do that or not.
9:08
We're not a legal podcast.
9:09
You were not a legal podcast.
9:10
That's not my problem.
9:11
Don't commit suicide.
9:12
Tell your boss you're gay to get an extra day off.
9:14
Up to you.
9:14
That's, I think that's how we, that's how we summed that up.
9:17
Wow.
9:17
That was not the hypothetical section.
9:20
Yeah.
9:20
Well, let's jump into the hypothetical situation.
9:23
Welcome to questionable detour.
9:24
The most undark podcast you've ever met.
9:27
We're coming to the light.
9:28
We, we are, we are doing this podcast with the lights on.
9:32
We are three white people.
9:35
We don't weigh very much.
9:39
We're on the light side.
9:40
We're on the light side.
9:41
We're big daytime folk.
9:42
Big daytime folk.
9:43
Yeah.
9:43
And that just goes to prove that we're not a dark podcast,
9:46
but welcome to questionable detour.
9:47
Let's actually get into a hypothetical.
9:49
Dave, can I pose a somewhat abstract purely hypothetical question?
9:54
I guess I want to apologize for asking a hypothetical question.
9:57
Well, that's a hypothetical question.
10:00
So for our first hypothetical, we would like to announce that we love kids.
10:04
Not too much.
10:05
We don't.
10:06
A normal amount.
10:09
We love kids a normal amount that three adult males should like kids.
10:13
So I think we're all, we're all qualified babysitters.
10:15
We're all qualified.
10:16
And that's exactly where I'm going, Alan.
10:18
So let's just say hypothetically, somebody asked you to babysit their child.
10:22
And as somebody that loves kids, but not too much,
10:25
how would you be the best babysitter for those people?
10:28
I think what's important with any child.
10:30
And you're, and you're an expert.
10:31
You're able to talk about this.
10:32
Okay.
10:33
Yeah.
10:34
I specialize in kids.
10:35
Um, I'm around them a lot, but not too much.
10:38
Not too much.
10:39
Just like a normal amount is they need to feel a sense of individuality.
10:47
Sure.
10:47
Absolutely.
10:47
Um, it's good to make your kids independent.
10:49
Yeah, exactly.
10:50
Get them ready for life.
10:50
Be independent and they need to be able to survive on their own.
10:53
So what I think is important when you're babysitting is to give them that alone time
10:58
and just kind of like lock them in a room.
11:00
Yeah.
11:00
Yeah.
11:01
Absolutely.
11:01
Just make sure, cause you don't want them to hurt themselves.
11:03
You don't want them to get out of the room.
11:03
So make sure you lock the door, keep them in there and, uh, just kind of watch some TV,
11:08
take some time to yourself.
11:09
I try to take time for myself when I'm babysitting and just kind of get away from the kid,
11:14
lock them in a room.
11:15
That's your free time.
11:16
Exactly.
11:17
Exactly.
11:17
Do some loud electric guitar playing, maybe some woodworking, just loud machinery.
11:23
Yeah.
11:23
Really whatever I can do to get some time to myself.
11:26
Now, I agree with you.
11:27
I think you should teach your kids to be independent.
11:30
Um, when you lock these children in a room for the sake of independence,
11:33
the second independence, do you also put wild animal in there so they learn to hunt and kill
11:38
so they can get food like, cause you want them to eat.
11:40
Obviously you're a, you're a responsible babysitter.
11:43
Well, of course, and I want them to acquire new tastes.
11:47
You know, I don't want it to just be bananas, apples, chicken, beef, whatever.
11:52
I'll put a snake in there so that they have to kill it, eat it.
11:55
Venomous.
11:56
Obviously.
11:57
Well, I want it to be a challenge.
11:58
Yeah.
11:58
I don't want them to just be a cake walk because then they, they don't really learn a lesson.
12:02
Right.
12:03
Right.
12:03
Right.
12:03
Right.
12:03
So I want it to be, you know, a venomous.
12:06
I'm usually a rattlesnake or a, um,
12:08
Eastern diamond bag.
12:09
If you can get your hands on a Cobra.
12:11
Cobra is a little hard to get.
12:12
They are. They're not from around here in Southeast.
12:14
Historically babies like rattles.
12:16
So I think a rattlesnake might give them kind of a fun, like a little treat.
12:20
Yeah, exactly.
12:20
Yeah.
12:21
When they dismember it and then they just have something to play with after.
12:24
So I do think usually I get a Eastern diamond back rattlesnake and I'll put that in there with
12:29
them, just to give them something to do.
12:31
Yeah. I think that's great in your babysitting experiences.
12:33
Do you often experience a situation in which, where you put a group of children in the,
12:39
in the, uh, the room that maybe at the end of your babysitting experience,
12:43
they've created some kind of cult that a leader has emerged and there's a cult of infants in the,
12:49
in the room.
12:50
Yeah, it's happened before.
12:51
And I try to lead it like a Lord of the flies situation.
12:54
Yeah, absolutely.
12:54
I want to see who's going to come out on top and who's going to push the limit of
12:59
what it means to be a human.
13:00
Yeah.
13:00
Cause that is really where we find ourselves and our personalities is when we're at the
13:06
end of ourselves.
13:06
Yeah. And when we've been pushed to our absolute limit, that's when our true side comes out.
13:11
And I want, I want to be able to find that for children.
13:14
There's nothing like being pushed to the limit when you're,
13:16
when you are initially building the foundation of who you're going to be as an infant.
13:21
Let that define you for the rest of your life.
13:23
You're going to create a well-rounded kid that is not going to end up in prison one day.
13:27
Exactly. And that's, that's what I'm here for.
13:30
What kind of, what kind of personalities do you hope they come out of this with that they keep
13:34
until well into adulthood?
13:36
I imagine it's a personality where they put a blood handprint on their face, you know?
13:40
Yeah.
13:40
That kind of personality.
13:41
I think aggression is important as a personality trait.
13:45
Lack of empathy.
13:47
Yeah. Lack of a need to survive no matter what.
13:52
So what does it look like when you initially enter the room after a, say a three hour period?
13:56
I don't know how long you babysit for.
13:57
Do you want to see like the leader of the infants maybe wearing a, like a,
14:02
a boar head on top of his head and maybe wrapped the, uh, the snake skin that he killed around
14:08
his neck and he's, he has a rattle, the snake rattle on like a scepter.
14:12
Like, is that kind of what you want to see when you enter back into the room?
14:16
That'd be nice.
14:17
Yeah.
14:17
That I like that. And I like tribunal torches, sticks in the ground.
14:21
Yeah.
14:22
Yeah.
14:22
Just maybe a small altar.
14:25
Yeah.
14:25
That they've created to, you know, give up gifts and offerings.
14:28
Do you hope they're worshiping you?
14:30
Do you slowly like maybe give them a little bit of food every once in a while and they
14:34
just assume that you're some sort of deity?
14:36
I mean, you did create this environment.
14:38
You did create this environment. You gave them.
14:40
I've done a lot of work for them.
14:41
Yeah.
14:42
This is a lot of work on my plate that I've given to them and I expect a little bit of
14:46
return back, a little bit of praise and worship goes a long way for me in my babysitting.
14:52
Yeah.
14:52
You know, I'm not getting paid. I'm getting paid. Sure. But
14:56
Monetarily.
14:57
Monetarily, but I also want to be paid spiritually.
15:01
You know, is that too much to ask?
15:03
It's not. I think everybody secretly wants to be the deity of a cult.
15:08
A cult of small children.
15:10
Incredibly modest, really.
15:12
But not too small and not too many.
15:15
When you finally let the children out, do you find that they immediately go and find
15:19
the family dog and cat and kill them?
15:21
Like there's a lot of aggression pent up from the atmosphere that you created.
15:25
No, they, they usually, uh, stray away from those just because I have found some food
15:30
for them at that point. I'll give them some scraps of my dinner and that way they're like,
15:35
uh, yeah, they're, uh, like a crocodile. It won't attack you if it's not hungry.
15:40
They're capable.
15:41
You don't want them hungry and you don't want them mad.
15:45
Yeah.
15:46
Are you able to turn your back on them at all?
15:48
Not without a mirror in your head.
15:49
Okay. Good, good, good.
15:51
Your video on you always got to keep an eye on the phone when you're videoing them to
15:54
make sure, you know, you see them in the, in the reflection.
15:56
Yeah. Parents come back. I assume you didn't tell the parents this was the
16:00
path you were taking for their children.
16:02
They get back and their kid is, has a blood handprint on their face and maybe a loin cloth
16:07
and pig head on their head. Like what's their normal reaction to you, to you leading their
16:12
children that way?
16:13
Of course I tell them this was all just a part of stage play we were doing rehearsing and
16:18
kind of getting them warmed up to the theatrical arts.
16:21
So then later they're like little Timothy is acting weird as he cuts the throat of a
16:26
rat. See acting strange, Jim, as he does like a fire dancer in the middle of the living
16:32
room.
16:33
Where'd he learn how to make wood carving?
16:35
Does that look, does that what carving look like his babysitter that he's bowing down
16:39
to now?
16:40
Yeah. I don't get called back a lot. I'm a one time babysitter.
16:45
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's good. I think that's really, I think the world doesn't have enough
16:49
independence. People have it too easy. Kids have it too easy.
16:52
Not a phone in sight.
16:54
It's amazing what happens when you take a kid's phone away.
16:56
Exactly.
16:57
All right, Alan, what, you've been asked to babysit.
16:59
Yeah. So I get asked to babysit. My goal is to train these children in Olympic sports.
17:07
Okay.
17:08
So diving and swim specifically.
17:11
Okay.
17:11
So what we do is most of the time people don't have pools, so we kind of have to make one.
17:16
So I get the kids out there just digging, just have, just have, just have them start,
17:19
start digging. They don't use any tools. They use their hands.
17:22
The hands. Yeah.
17:22
Hands and feet.
17:23
Builds character.
17:24
Builds character like that. They don't get very far because they are small kids.
17:28
So diving sort of is out of the, I'm realizing it's out of the equation now.
17:33
So now they make little troughs in the ground essentially and filled up with water and they
17:37
just learn to swim right there. So they're just peddling around in the mud.
17:40
Basically they've made a mud gutter and you just have them kind of like kicking in, like,
17:49
you know, back stroking into the puddle.
17:51
Yes. They have to go Olympic distances. So it's got to be a long trench.
17:56
That is just a lot of turning back and forth.
17:57
Yeah.
18:00
I imagine while this is happening, you've got like your sun hat and then like a Tommy
18:05
Bahama shirt and you're sitting in like a lawn chair sipping on a lemonade while
18:10
there's a whistle in your mouth.
18:11
Yeah. Like a super disappointed.
18:13
Like when they, when they stop for a break, I blow that whistle.
18:16
Yeah. Get back to get back to your trench.
18:20
Like a world war one sergeant.
18:21
Right. Exactly.
18:24
Now, do you judge their parents openly when you walk into the backyard and they don't have a pool
18:29
for you?
18:30
When I walk in there and I see that they don't have a pool, I see that as a clean slate.
18:33
Okay. I say positive thinker.
18:35
These children, they've never met the water. They've heard of it.
18:38
They may have even bathed in it, but they don't know the water.
18:40
They don't know H2O.
18:42
I'm going to learn them. Especially when I walk out there and I see that there are no trenches
18:45
in their yard. I know one thing for sure. They are not reenacting world war one.
18:53
I know that this family, they don't care about it.
18:56
Yeah. They think they, they think we went straight to world war two.
18:59
So I know that I can get those kids out there just digging, just making them trenches and it
19:03
builds character and it also gives them a good skill. They, if, if they don't want to become
19:09
an Olympic backstroke swimmer, they can be a dig ditch.
19:12
They can be a dig ditcher, a dig ditch digger.
19:18
They could also be a dig ditcher, a dig ditch.
19:21
They could, they could do both.
19:23
Whatever that is.
19:23
Run away from anything that's digging.
19:30
I think psychologically they will become a dig ditcher.
19:33
Yeah. They'll be afraid of digging.
19:37
Some come out that way. You know, most learn to learn to love the dig,
19:42
but some I'm sure will, will be afraid of it.
19:44
What's the parents reactions as they come home and they see that the yard has been dug up
19:49
and does look like a world war one no man's land situation?
19:53
Initially, not great.
19:54
Yeah.
19:55
I do sit them down. There's a lot of talking through them. I tell them guys,
20:00
your children are in training. That means I also live with you now.
20:03
You've got a, you've got a live in swim coach.
20:06
Do you turn their heads and go before you say anything else, look over there.
20:10
And it's the kids Olympic speed swimming through these trenches.
20:15
Lined with barbed wire.
20:19
They look like a muddy train just zipping through trenches.
20:24
And they're like, are the anti-tank barricades necessary?
20:27
You have a few perussians shooting over their heads.
20:31
And I say, mom, dad, you've obviously never been overseas. Let me sit you down.
20:36
Did you know that all of Europe looks like this?
20:40
And you give them cue card and you're like, please yell this while they're doing this.
20:43
Just German words.
20:46
Ever heard of Archduke France Ferdinand?
20:49
This is how this got started.
20:51
He died so your son or daughter can swim.
20:54
Your son or daughter can swim in a muddy hole.
21:02
And I guess this is where the famous saying comes from.
21:06
You lead a kid to water, but you can also teach them how to Olympics swim in a world war one trench.
21:12
Yeah. Yeah. The classic.
21:13
Classics. It rolls right off the tongue.
21:15
I think that's written on the Washington Memorial.
21:18
The monument, you know, somewhere there's a famous Abraham Lincoln quote.
21:23
He's written on the Washington monument.
21:25
I don't know.
21:26
He knew he knew about World War One.
21:30
He had a lot of foresight.
21:31
That guy speaking of what stroke do you do with the kids backstroke?
21:38
Just going to go ahead and go ahead and give you an answer to that real quick.
21:41
We can move right along.
21:43
It's not linger.
21:45
So at the end of your babysitting session, do you pass out medals to the kids?
21:50
Like to everyone or like, how does that work?
21:52
Well, there's really no end until death until the Germans are defeated.
21:57
Obviously there's no end until death.
21:59
And what I do, I do hand out a series of medals, but there's never a gold medal.
22:03
And that's because I don't want them to ever feel like they've done enough.
22:06
Yeah. All right.
22:07
And I want all of the other siblings to think that the other one got the gold medal.
22:10
That's great.
22:11
Yeah. Okay.
22:11
Cause we don't doubt their eyes because you want them to be more like moles.
22:16
Yeah. They're already halfway in the ground.
22:18
You know, those trenches, you know, kind of deep.
22:21
I want them to feel at home there.
22:23
That's good.
22:24
I think so far what we've got is somebody that wants to instill independence,
22:29
somebody that wants to instill work ethic, a love for World War I.
22:33
And what I want to instill in the kids I babysit is business prowess.
22:38
You know, we live in a capitalistic society.
22:40
They should understand how to navigate that.
22:43
Here's what I do.
22:44
I create a sweatshop with the children I babysit.
22:47
And you might be asking, what are they putting together?
22:49
It's not iPads, it's not iPhones.
22:51
No, no, I literally want their sweat.
22:54
I have a stationary bikes and under the stationary bikes is just a tub to collect kid sweat.
23:00
What I do is they filter in and out of the house and have a lemonade stand,
23:04
a classic kids lemonade stand on the road.
23:07
And we make that lemonade out of the sweat.
23:09
And what that teaches them is that you need to create inventory so you they can sell a product.
23:16
Inventory management.
23:17
Inventory management, it instills the understanding of how business works.
23:22
Supply and demand.
23:23
And the parents are OK with this?
23:25
The parents don't know, just like y'alls.
23:27
They don't act like the parents were OK with your two.
23:29
I don't know, they seemed fine with it once I moved in.
23:32
But should I explain a couple things to them?
23:34
Listen, when the parents are OK with it, because when they finally get back,
23:37
their little kids are like fat cartoon billionaires with like a three piece suit
23:42
and just dollar bills hanging out all their pockets.
23:45
But are they fat because of all the sweating they've been doing, all the work and all?
23:48
I feed them about 17000 calories a day.
23:51
OK, them on a stationary bike and other kids just feeding them an assortment of high calorie foods.
23:58
So they are just eating and sweating.
24:00
Because I mean, as you get fatter, you sweat more.
24:02
So that's also something that produces a higher inventory for a product.
24:06
But the parents love the fact that their kids are dollaraires.
24:10
We don't sell the lemonade.
24:12
Sure, sure.
24:13
Ten cents a cup.
24:14
So with somebody who is made out of kids sweat, by the way, like nobody's paying for that.
24:21
Do people know that it's made out of kids?
24:24
Yeah, we advertise it.
24:25
OK, OK.
24:26
But here's what we do.
24:27
We praise it correctly where we say it's like organic, non GMO kids sweat lemonade, you know?
24:33
So the health nuts go for it.
24:35
We say it's vegan.
24:35
A couple other nuts that are probably going to come for that, too.
24:38
Yeah.
24:38
If too many guys with mustaches show up and that lemonade line, we shut it down quick.
24:44
So this is a business you got going on.
24:46
Yeah, it is.
24:47
You have an LLC.
24:48
For some reason, lawyers don't want to take the legal side of this.
24:51
That's so odd.
24:53
It's hard finding a lawyer that wants to draft a legal document that involves us.
24:58
I can imagine that.
24:59
For some reason, they say it's illegal in the country to make kids work and what shops
25:04
are illegal here.
25:05
And, you know, I don't know.
25:06
Shops are illegal here and, you know, all that nonsense.
25:10
All that lawyer talk.
25:11
All the lawyer talk, you know, infringing on my freedoms.
25:14
Our grandparents would have never said sweating was illegal.
25:18
That's exactly.
25:19
I'm pretty sure that America was founded on sweat.
25:23
Child sweat.
25:24
Child sweat.
25:26
Mainly because they didn't live much longer past childhood.
25:29
Yeah, it was just it was just the numbers were higher.
25:32
And everyone else was at war.
25:33
So the children had to work.
25:35
The children had to work.
25:36
And what a great thing to teach the kids that true work is built on sweat.
25:41
Exactly.
25:42
And success is only when you're rich and fat.
25:45
But, you know, at the end of my babysitting tenure, they are able to go out and buy a
25:51
pack of gum from the multiple dollars that they made.
25:54
So there's hanging individual dollars in their pockets.
25:57
It's kind of like strippers.
26:00
I don't compare them to strippers.
26:01
I have to be careful.
26:02
That's probably for the best.
26:04
Yeah, I want to strip them of their freedom, but I also want to strip them of their
26:08
strip them of their freedom and hydration.
26:11
The longer you search for that word, the worse I was.
26:13
Yeah, you were what you were going to say.
26:16
Yeah.
26:16
But again, that instills business prowess and instills work ethic.
26:21
Why why don't more people ask me to babysit their kids?
26:24
That's what I want to know.
26:25
Is there a spinoff business idea you might have?
26:27
Like, let's say sweat lemonade just just takes off.
26:31
Yeah.
26:32
What's your next business idea?
26:33
If you use sweaty socks, OK, that people are going to stick with the sweat thing.
26:37
Yeah.
26:38
Well, I mean, we've nailed that down, I guess.
26:40
But you know how people just want to put on wet socks or imagine if the wet is from sweat.
26:45
You got a certain crowd to certain crowds you're pandering towards.
26:50
That crowd that you kind of shut the lemonade stand down for.
26:54
Yeah.
26:55
Seems on who you're pandering.
26:57
Their money's still green.
26:59
See, Zach wants to make sure that they don't come to the first business.
27:03
But by doing that, he's creating a need.
27:05
Yeah.
27:06
So he's making another business for the weirdos.
27:08
Why are we not a business podcast?
27:10
It's a supply and demand.
27:11
Oh, man.
27:12
Let's get off of this.
27:14
Let's jump into our next segment.
27:16
Can we talk about anything else?
27:17
I hope it's better than the last 30 minutes.
27:22
But there you go.
27:23
Take what we do in our babysitting tactics,
27:25
instill things into children that they can use for the rest of their lives.
27:30
But for our next segment, we're going to do a draft.
27:32
And we've done this before.
27:33
It's a relatively new draft, but we're going to do something a little bit differently.
27:36
Right now in the studio is just me and Evan.
27:39
And let me tell you, me and Evan have never been in a room by ourselves.
27:42
And it's awkward.
27:43
A lot of knee touching.
27:46
I don't know what to do with my hands.
27:47
Yeah.
27:47
Starting to sweat.
27:48
Stay over there.
27:49
You just stay over there with your hands.
27:50
But the reason it's just me and Evan in the studio right now is because Alan has left
27:54
because we're doing a new spin on the draft.
27:55
The spin on the draft is two people are going to know the subject of the draft
27:59
and one person is not going to know the subject.
28:02
But everybody's going to have to draft the same.
28:05
So today, Evan and I are the ones that get to know the subject.
28:08
Alan is outside of the room.
28:09
He doesn't get to know the subject of the draft.
28:11
He's still going to have to draft, obviously.
28:13
Based on all of our answers.
28:14
Yeah.
28:15
But the subject of the draft is going to be three things that you would throw at somebody
28:20
to hurt them.
28:21
The top three things.
28:22
So we're going to call Alan back in here and we're going to go ahead and draft.
28:25
Welcome back to the draft.
28:27
Good young players with the drafts all about.
28:29
Here and in your mouth.
28:30
Welcome back to the draft.
28:32
I never say anything like this.
28:33
All right.
28:33
Welcome back, Alan.
28:34
Me and me and Evan got some business done in here.
28:37
We're cooking.
28:37
We were closer than we were before you left.
28:40
I'm happy to be back.
28:41
I'm happy for you guys closeness, too.
28:43
That's our individual needs have been touched a lot.
28:46
That's great.
28:48
All right.
28:48
So we explained to everybody what we're doing.
28:50
So you don't know what we're drafting, yet you're going to have to draft.
28:54
Me and Evan are going to be the only ones that know what the draft is this time around.
28:58
All right.
28:59
Let's put 10 on the clock.
29:00
So, Evan, the mystery draft pick number one.
29:04
What are you going with for your number one pick?
29:07
There's a lot to choose from here.
29:08
There is a lot to choose from.
29:10
It's going to be hard for Alan.
29:11
For my organization, at least.
29:13
The need that we need filled could be best filled by a small rotund cactus.
29:19
A cactus, you said.
29:20
A small rotund cactus.
29:21
That's excellent.
29:22
That's a good one.
29:22
It'd be hard to handle, but I think for what its purpose is, I think it would be the best.
29:27
Yeah, it's got a nice impact.
29:28
It's got a nice impact.
29:30
And I think it can go a long way.
29:32
Yeah.
29:32
Especially.
29:33
Dependent on you, though.
29:34
It depends on you.
29:35
It depends on you.
29:35
But I do think it could go a long way.
29:38
And it's kind of like an onion in the way that it has layers of the impact.
29:42
It's versatile.
29:43
Yeah.
29:44
It's versatile.
29:44
I like that.
29:45
For my number one pick, I'm going to go with a rock with a string tied around it for a
29:50
swinging effect.
29:51
So that's going to create a lot of velocity.
29:54
And I think it's going to be kind of scary if you see somebody with a rock with a string
30:00
tied to it.
30:01
You don't know what they're doing.
30:02
And I don't think Alan knows what we're doing.
30:04
Certainly don't.
30:06
But that's going to be fun because that's my pick.
30:08
So Alan, what's your first pick in the mystery draft?
30:11
So Evan's got a small rotund cactus.
30:14
Yes.
30:14
And you have a rock on a string.
30:17
Yes, pretty much.
30:17
Yep, that's it.
30:18
OK.
30:18
So I'm going to go with a kettlebell.
30:20
OK.
30:23
A kettlebell's good.
30:24
It's a good pick.
30:24
I like a kettlebell.
30:25
I think it's a safe pick.
30:26
It can be the same size as what you guys are dealing with here.
30:30
Yeah.
30:30
Also, like Evan's cactus, you don't want it to be thrown at you and have to catch it.
30:34
Sure.
30:35
Ideally.
30:36
Yeah.
30:36
All right, Evan, number two.
30:37
What's your number two pick?
30:38
I think it would be silly of me not to pick something that's easily at my disposal for
30:43
my second pick because I see it put in work day in and day out.
30:48
Yeah.
30:48
So that's why I'm going to go with the miniature statue of Ronald Aaron Burgundy.
30:54
For people that don't know, Evan has a Ron Burgundy bust in here.
30:58
And I mean a head, but I think that's great.
31:00
I think it's topical.
31:03
People understand what it is.
31:05
I mean, for the subject, it's a great thing.
31:07
It's a great thing to have.
31:09
My pick is going to be the household cat.
31:13
I feel when it's living and it has a name and again, it's relatable.
31:17
Everybody loves a cat.
31:18
You know, so why wouldn't you want to use a cat?
31:20
They always land on their feet.
31:21
They always do.
31:24
All right, Alan, second pick.
31:25
What are you going with?
31:26
This is tough.
31:27
Evan's given me another inanimate object that looks like a human.
31:30
Yes.
31:31
And Zach has given a living object, the household cat.
31:34
See that I'm telling you, you're mixing you up a little bit.
31:37
It's going to be a little more difficult.
31:38
Honestly, this is pretty tricky.
31:40
Yeah.
31:40
I think I'm going to do the best of both worlds.
31:42
Both were household objects.
31:44
Both technically, yeah, I guess.
31:45
Technically, yes.
31:46
Best of both worlds.
31:47
I'm drafting my wife.
31:51
That's great.
31:52
My wife is alive and she is a person in the house.
31:57
That is true.
31:58
Those I think that could do well.
32:00
I think you would have you.
32:01
It'd be confusing for a lot of people.
32:03
I think if you chose your wife for this would be cute.
32:05
So I think you get to choose what happens to your wife.
32:08
Well, OK.
32:12
Sort of sort of regretting this decision a little bit.
32:15
Wordplay there didn't do me much good.
32:19
All right.
32:20
So for Allen's second pick, he chooses his wife.
32:23
All right, Evan, your third and final pick.
32:26
I think for my third pick, it's a little bit of a sleeper
32:28
because people don't think about it in this form a lot of times.
32:31
But I'm going to go with a pistol.
32:33
You're just going to use the pistol maybe for not what it's intended for, but.
32:38
Also what it's intended for.
32:39
It's intended for.
32:41
Yeah.
32:41
I think that's good. I think it's scary.
32:44
I think it will confuse people.
32:46
It's an eye getter for sure.
32:47
It's an eye getter.
32:47
So this is a pistol that you're not shooting.
32:51
Yeah, with any fire mechanisms removed.
32:53
Just a full pistol.
32:54
Just a pistol.
32:55
OK, you're just a pistol.
32:57
Run in the mill forty five, you know.
32:58
That's interesting because I'm picking something
33:00
probably a little more obscure for the subject.
33:02
I'm going to choose my car and I feel like this is great.
33:05
It'll make an impact.
33:06
And I think that it's dramatic.
33:09
And I think that's what I'm going to go with here.
33:12
I don't hate it.
33:13
I think there's a lot of work to be done.
33:17
Now, I get that I get the pic.
33:19
This pic to be useful, but I think the pic might be confusing,
33:23
but I think I'm going with the verb in which we're talking about in a more of a metaphorical sense.
33:29
You see what I'm saying?
33:30
Or figurative sense.
33:31
Sure.
33:32
Going with the verb that we're talking about, a more figurative sense.
33:34
I see what you're saying.
33:35
You see what I'm saying?
33:36
So just a different definition of the verb in our really redefining the redefining it.
33:41
I'm mixing it up, but it's my pick and I, you know, I have to stick with it.
33:44
All right, Alan.
33:45
So Evan and I chose a loaded working gun and I chose a not loaded.
33:51
The opposite.
33:52
Yeah.
33:52
Oh, wait, and unloaded.
33:54
I don't understand why that makes a difference.
33:57
So Evan chose an unloaded working non working gun and I chose my vehicle.
34:02
What's your third and fourth?
34:03
I chose my vehicle. What's your third and final pick?
34:06
Last pick in the draft.
34:08
Some may say this is a steal.
34:09
Yeah.
34:10
Honestly, I think you guys have done an excellent job of the exercise.
34:13
I have no idea.
34:14
That's excellent.
34:15
That's good.
34:15
What the, what the topic is.
34:17
Yes.
34:18
So I'm just going to go again with just something around the house.
34:21
Zach gave a car.
34:23
Evan gave, Evan gave a pistol.
34:26
I'm going to go with your everyday Weber grill.
34:32
That's a good one.
34:33
That's a good one.
34:34
Actually, I think that would be great.
34:36
Do you mean the small round one?
34:37
I mean, yeah, the small round Weber grill, like your car, it has wheels.
34:42
It does have wheels.
34:43
Yeah.
34:44
It can be moved.
34:46
Like a gun that's broken.
34:47
It doesn't shoot.
34:50
Made of metal.
34:53
Yeah.
34:53
Yeah.
34:53
Go and tell us what you think the subject is.
34:55
It's okay if you're wrong.
34:56
Just know it's okay if you're wrong.
34:57
We'll only think of you as a small silly little man boy, but it's okay.
35:00
Okay. Well, get ready to think of me that way.
35:05
I have absolutely no idea what this is.
35:07
What was your thought through each round?
35:09
I guess at the end of the first round, what were you thinking?
35:10
Into the first round, I'm thinking small things that can be thrown.
35:15
Okay.
35:15
Okay.
35:16
Second round, I was just thinking things that can be found in a house.
35:21
And third round, I have no idea what the pistol in the car have, have to do with each other.
35:26
Okay.
35:27
Yeah.
35:27
No, it's, that makes sense.
35:29
Tracks.
35:29
I kind of made that hard on you.
35:31
I'm just going to say these are all things that can be found in your yard or your house.
35:35
I don't, I mean.
35:36
Man, you think our creativity is that low that we were like, let's just draft things around.
35:42
My thing is though, is that I know your creativity and it's so high and so specific.
35:51
There's honestly zero chance that I'm getting that.
35:55
Well, do you want to know?
35:55
Do you want to know what the subject of the draft was?
35:57
I'd love to.
35:57
I'd love to.
35:58
It was your first guess.
35:59
If you stuck with your gun, it was number one.
36:02
The working gun.
36:03
It was things that you could throw at somebody to hurt them.
36:05
Oh, how about that?
36:07
Yeah.
36:07
You got it the first time around and then you second guessed yourself.
36:10
So you chose a kettlebell, which arguably a great thing to throw at somebody.
36:14
Sure.
36:14
Yeah.
36:15
Bring them pain.
36:16
You chose your wife.
36:17
Yeah, that one.
36:20
Not a lot of people had her go in second.
36:22
I'll say that.
36:23
I don't, I don't think so.
36:25
I feel like that would be a wrestling move situation where you.
36:27
Yeah.
36:28
Pick her up above your Colt Hogan and you kind of toss her across the table.
36:32
Yeah, that's I can see where that might be a little bit more difficult.
36:34
That or is like a meat shield situation where you're throwing her in front of a bullet.
36:39
Well, let's go on to round three when Zach drafted his car.
36:44
Okay.
36:45
That's why I said I was taking it a more figurative approach to this verb.
36:50
Maybe you're not throwing it in the sense of with your arm, but you are throwing it in the sense
36:56
of you are moving very quickly toward an individual.
36:59
So I just needed something to throw you off a little bit.
37:01
And you did.
37:02
You got the, you got the subject immediately.
37:04
We had to.
37:05
Crap.
37:05
We had to.
37:06
Yeah.
37:06
I had to think of something else to throw you off.
37:08
But I guess I gave you all too much credit on that.
37:10
You gave us too much credit.
37:12
Let's talk about your third pick though.
37:13
A Weber grill.
37:14
A Weber grill.
37:15
Yeah.
37:15
It could work.
37:16
Can be thrown.
37:17
Now the question is.
37:18
An unexpected creative thing to throw at somebody for sure.
37:21
The question is, was this recently cooked on?
37:23
Are there still embers in the grill?
37:25
That's a good point.
37:26
That would be cool.
37:27
If I would have known the topic, I would have probably said, yeah, definitely, definitely
37:32
still hot with possibility of projectile coals coming out.
37:37
It makes it more dramatic.
37:38
As it's being thrown.
37:39
I like that.
37:40
We need to talk about Evans.
37:41
He has a gun, but it doesn't work.
37:43
So he's just throwing a gun at somebody.
37:44
I don't want it to actually fire.
37:49
That was very specific and I couldn't understand what you were saying.
37:52
I mean, I guess if you, if you fired the gun, you're throwing bullets.
37:55
I don't want to throw bullets.
37:57
I want to throw the gun.
37:57
You just want to, okay.
37:58
All right.
37:59
I feel like I don't want to murder the person.
38:00
I just want to just empty the gun and they'll be like, what are you doing?
38:03
You just feel, see all the bullets clinking, clinking on the ground.
38:06
He just tosses it at somebody.
38:07
It's like, what a crazy person.
38:09
Yeah.
38:09
They start.
38:10
If you're having a standoff with somebody and they see you unloading your gun.
38:14
Taking the trigger and the hammer out.
38:16
They are, they are going to run because you're, they don't know what's going on.
38:21
They don't know what's going on.
38:22
Yeah.
38:23
You're like this guy's too nuts.
38:24
There you go.
38:25
Three things.
38:26
Alan would throw at somebody kettlebell, his wife and a grill, a Weber grill.
38:30
That's I mean.
38:30
We are.
38:30
That's a, who do you think wins?
38:32
Yeah.
38:33
Who do you think wins here?
38:34
We'll do it like last time.
38:35
We'll do a method of voting where we each choose the one of the other two people to win the draft.
38:41
So Evan, between me and Alan, who do you think, who do you think won?
38:45
I had a, almost like a David and Goliath slingshot with a rock tied to a string.
38:51
That was a hard one for me to envision.
38:53
I didn't know if there was a hole within the rock that a string was tied around.
38:56
I don't know too much about sling, like old school slingshot.
38:59
So that's what I went with.
39:01
Yeah.
39:01
Second, I had a family cat and last I had a vehicle that was figuratively thrown at somebody.
39:08
And Alan, you had a kettlebell, your wife and a Weber grill.
39:12
Who's winning that draft?
39:13
This is a tough one because I don't love the figurative car.
39:18
It would dock me some points.
39:19
Split some hairs there.
39:20
Yeah. I knew that would dock me some points.
39:22
And Alan's is strong until you get to round two.
39:25
And there would just be, it's a tougher thing to throw.
39:29
Sure. Absolutely.
39:30
But I think weighing the pros of your other two rounds is what it comes down to.
39:34
So Weber grill, a kettlebell for Alan and then a family cat and a rock tied to a string.
39:42
Now I think I'm going to have to give Alan the nod on this one.
39:46
Just his are heavier.
39:47
Yeah, they are heavier.
39:48
The kettlebells, that's a great pick.
39:49
That was good.
39:50
That was more metal.
39:51
A great pick.
39:52
There's more metal coming from Alan.
39:53
That's all I got to say.
39:54
That makes sense.
39:55
That's embarrassing that a loss of somebody that didn't know the draft, but that's fine.
39:59
All right, Alan, between Evan and I, who's winning.
40:02
I had rock tied to a string, a cat and a figuratively thrown car.
40:07
Evan had a cactus, a rotund, small cactus.
40:11
Very specific.
40:12
A gun that is out of ammo and doesn't work.
40:16
Yes, completely unloaded.
40:17
All firing mechanisms removed.
40:18
Yeah.
40:19
And a statue, a bust of Ron Bergen.
40:21
A bust of Ron Bergen.
40:22
That's right. Who's winning?
40:23
I like all of Evans except for the gun that can't fire anything,
40:27
but also has everything else removed.
40:29
It's just the frame of a gun and it just honestly, the choice makes no sense.
40:33
It still hurts.
40:34
Yeah.
40:34
You ever been pistol whipped?
40:36
Yeah.
40:37
Let me tell you, it's not fun.
40:38
You get pistol tossed.
40:39
I think that there was just, if we're given away, you know,
40:44
okays for figurative throwing of the car, you could figuratively have thrown bullet.
40:49
Yeah. I mean, that would have been interesting.
40:52
I think that that's a missed opportunity.
40:54
Oh, I do like the cat though.
40:55
I think the cat wins it for me because that cat is alive.
41:00
None of Evan's picks, you know, cactus is alive, but what's it going to do?
41:03
I don't know, it puncture you.
41:05
Yeah, it has spikes on it.
41:06
But it's exactly what a cat's going to do.
41:08
Yeah, cat's just kind of a living, like a mammal cactus if you think about it.
41:12
And they're, they're a wild card.
41:15
Yeah.
41:15
Because you, no one ever knows what a cat's going to do.
41:18
I'm going to give it to Zach because of the cat.
41:20
All right.
41:20
So for me, so I have a couple options.
41:23
I have a couple of thoughts.
41:24
I really like the, I like Evan's gun situation.
41:26
It is unhinged.
41:28
Like it's just, you're unloading a gun in front of somebody just to throw the gun at them.
41:32
It's nuts.
41:32
That's a crazy person.
41:33
That is, yeah.
41:34
I also like throwing your wife.
41:37
I think that's cool.
41:39
Yeah.
41:39
I think I like the WWE wrestling feel of it.
41:43
And also if you throw your wife, not yours specifically, Alan,
41:47
but if you throw your wife, not only do you get hit by a human,
41:50
you also get a nagging element to it.
41:55
You get, did you clean the carport?
41:57
You know, like you get that after you get bopped in the head by a human.
42:00
You make them feel bad.
42:02
You make them feel bad.
42:03
And on top of that, you have a Weber grill that could have embers in it.
42:07
And the kettlebell, I'm giving my nod to Alan.
42:09
I think Alan has won the first mystery draft.
42:13
As the person who is in the dark.
42:14
Yeah.
42:15
As the person who was in the dark, you know, that's dark humor.
42:19
That's the dark humor we're going for here.
42:21
And yeah, and I'd like to thank everybody who's given me so much support over the years,
42:26
just coming up with just nonsense things.
42:29
A lot of people said that I was off topic.
42:32
I didn't even know the topic tonight.
42:33
So I'm going to say get over it if you ever said that.
42:37
Um, well, congratulations, Alan.
42:39
I hope you go home to Katie, your wife, and tell her about how you won, won something tonight.
42:45
I bet that's going to be big for her.
42:46
Well, she was involved, you know, she was, she was one of the,
42:49
she was one of the, one of the guesses.
42:53
But hey, that's impressive.
42:54
There you go.
42:55
The second questionable, you tore a draft.
42:57
I think, I think we'll keep on with the mystery draft.
42:59
I like that a lot.
43:00
That's fun.
43:00
Yeah.
43:00
It's in the books and it's on the books.
43:02
It's I have, I'm betting on this.
43:04
So it's, uh, the odds are pretty rough in my favor right now,
43:10
but I put a lot on me, my life savings, the deed of my house.
43:13
So we'll see how the season plays out for me.
43:14
Oh, you're going for a whole season situation.
43:16
Yeah.
43:17
Cause you lost tonight.
43:18
So, and here I was thinking you only bet on horse fighting.
43:23
Is that not true anymore?
43:24
It's not in season.
43:25
Okay.
43:26
Okay.
43:27
Y'all live more interesting lives than me.
43:28
So we got to get you into cock racing.
43:30
All right.
43:31
Well, that, uh, mystery draft was a lot of fun.
43:33
I'm super happy to take home this win.
43:36
Uh, can't wait to be back.
43:38
Yeah.
43:39
I'm the only one who hasn't won it.
43:40
I'm, uh, walking, walking in a big shoes to fill here.
43:43
It doesn't really count with yours though, because you knew the draft.
43:45
That's yeah, I didn't know the draft and he's still why he won a mystery draft.
43:50
I want a normal draft.
43:51
Like a lot of people say about me in life, I'm a big fan of the mystery draft.
43:55
I want a normal draft like a lot of people say about me in life is he
43:59
came at it with a disadvantage.
44:05
But anyways, uh, moving right along to our next segment.
44:09
So guys, I know we're, we're all up on the news and everything, but sometimes
44:12
there's stories that, uh, that we just miss.
44:15
So it's always good to have somebody else looking out for us.
44:17
Um, and our boys over at QDNPR have, uh, have something to tell us about.
44:22
Apparently Norway is rebuilding a reindeer fence at the border to stop
44:27
animals from strolling over into Russia.
44:30
I would have never known about this.
44:31
Thankfully the QDNPR guys are around to tell us about these very hot topic.
44:36
They're always on the pulse.
44:39
I know I can't read these headlines mostly because of my literacy, but also
44:42
because my just disinterest completely ignore any headline.
44:46
I see.
44:47
So what is the news unless it involves us?
44:49
I don't read it right.
44:50
Or unless it's in a soft, sultry voice like our QDNPR.
44:54
We always listen to what they have to say.
44:56
But we get, we always need, we need to thank them.
44:57
We need to write them a card.
44:59
Yeah.
44:59
Maybe, you know, sign our names and tell them, thank you.
45:02
We can't sign our names because we can't write.
45:04
Yeah.
45:04
Right.
45:05
Should we get them a gift card though?
45:06
As we get it, where would we get the QDNPR as a gift card?
45:09
They seem like a Buffalo Wild Wing type guys.
45:12
A B-dubs guy.
45:13
Barnes and Nobles crown.
45:17
Like coffee, coffee joint.
45:18
Yeah.
45:19
I'm thinking maybe a red lobster.
45:21
Yeah.
45:21
They seem like it.
45:21
Just go in and get them a cheddar biscuit.
45:23
Yeah.
45:25
But anyway, let's tune into the QDNPR.
45:34
Welcome to QDNPR.
45:36
I am Zacchaeus.
45:37
I'm joined here with Evanescence and Alejandro.
45:40
Today we are going international.
45:42
We are speaking on the topic of Norway creating a new fence to keep their reindeers within
45:48
their borders.
45:49
This has been a hot topic for the Norwegian people as they do not want their animals becoming
45:56
Russian.
45:56
They don't speak Russian.
45:58
They don't believe the Russian people exist and they don't want their animals to become
46:02
who they hate.
46:03
Now I'm going to pass it to Alejandro who is a Norwegian expert.
46:07
Now Alejandro, what's going on over there on the border of Norway and Russia?
46:13
Thank you, Zacchaeus.
46:14
I am standing on the border between Norway and Russia.
46:19
There are Norwegians fighting Russians for the security and safety of their reindeer.
46:25
While some Norwegians fight the Russians, others hastily put up a fence to secure and
46:31
wrangle those reindeer.
46:32
I believe we just spoke with one Norwegian that said, we're putting up this fence.
46:37
And the Norwegians are really worried about the spread of communists to the reindeer.
46:43
That is a dramatic situation.
46:46
I'm going to pass it over to Evanescence who has been keeping up with the illegal reindeer
46:51
immigration that has been happening over the Russian border.
46:54
Evanescence, what seems to be the common beliefs about how Norway does not want illegal reindeer
47:00
immigration?
47:01
Thank you, Zacchaeus.
47:03
Norway is up in arms about these reindeer flooding into Russia.
47:07
It's not good because they're losing their population for one.
47:11
Two, if the reindeer aren't there, who's going to pay taxes?
47:13
Am I right?
47:14
Second of all, they don't want to lose these reindeer to Putin's regime.
47:19
That is currently fighting a war against Ukraine.
47:22
He's already started a small unit of these reindeer militants called the Raindown Unit.
47:29
And it is negatively impacting the war against Ukraine.
47:33
So the Norwegians really want to rein these deer in.
47:36
Put up the fence, keep the reindeer in so they can't fight Putin's war for him because
47:41
they don't know any better right now.
47:42
That is a very serious subject when you think about the ramifications to NATO and the war
47:49
in Ukraine.
47:51
Reindeer with machine guns strapped to their sides just with a rubber band tied to the
47:57
trigger just firing off with automatic weapons.
48:00
It is decimating the Ukraine army.
48:03
Now, I hear that Alejandro has now moved to Ukraine.
48:07
He has boots on the ground in Ukraine.
48:10
Alejandro, what did you see from the new fighting units of Russian Norwegian reindeers?
48:15
Yes, Putin's Norwegian Russian reindeer force has hooves on the ground and they are steadily
48:23
fighting the Ukrainians.
48:24
And it's safe to say that a tide has turned in this war.
48:27
Ukraine is outnumbered.
48:30
We have spoken with Ukrainian Santa Claus as he has opinions about the use of reindeer
48:37
in a war against him.
48:39
Actually, Alejandro, I think we have a sound bit from the Ukrainian Santa Claus speaking
48:45
about the situation of Norwegian Russian reindeer.
48:49
So we're going to go and play that.
48:51
This is Ukrainian Santa.
48:53
I plead with you, Norwegian reindeer.
48:55
Do not fight Ukraine.
48:58
Ukraine is peaceful.
48:59
Ukraine is good.
49:00
Putin is a bad guy.
49:02
He's not a good guy.
49:04
There's never been a good person from that country.
49:07
Do not support him.
49:09
We beg of you.
49:10
Those are very, very serious and solemn words spoken by the Ukrainian Santa Claus about
49:15
the reindeer.
49:15
Now, Evanescence, maybe you can speak on maybe the bright side to this situation that gives
49:21
people hope.
49:22
Is it is there more bright side than how cool reindeer with guns strapped to them could
49:27
be?
49:28
Yeah, well, having militant reindeer with machine guns strapped to their sides, firing
49:34
bullets into nothing is very cool.
49:36
Sure, I'll give you that.
49:38
I'll give Russia that.
49:39
That's cool.
49:40
Very creative idea by the Russians.
49:43
Great way.
49:44
Great use of nature.
49:45
Losing a war really causes you to be creative.
49:49
They were at their wits end, but they found it.
49:51
They found their saving grace.
49:53
But the bright side of this is Norway is now really starting to realize the effect that
49:59
reindeer have on their economy.
50:01
Well, now reindeer are really moving into lower income neighborhoods in Russia and they're
50:08
flipping homes.
50:10
Coffee shops are starting to spring up and the cost of living in Russia has risen steadily,
50:15
but we think it's probably for the best.
50:18
Well, here's a sound bite from a Russian poor person on the gentrification of their
50:23
neighborhoods.
50:24
Dear God, I can't afford rent anymore.
50:31
Wow.
50:32
You can feel the emotion of that poor Russian as they see their neighborhoods get gentrified
50:37
and they get pushed to the perimeter.
50:39
Now, many groups have stood up for the prevention of reindeer going into Russia.
50:45
Groups like Let's Start Russian Defense have made a stand, making sure no more Norwegian
50:51
reindeer enter into Russia.
50:53
Another group was called Quit Stolven.
50:57
They are also really tired of the fence not getting put up.
51:02
And then another group, Norway They're Leaving, are really questioning why these reindeer
51:09
are leaving in the first place.
51:11
There's no way they want to go into Russia.
51:13
Yeah, they are in disbelief.
51:14
I mean, it's a global epidemic.
51:16
The whole planet is really looking at the situation and seeing how Norway handles it.
51:21
And where has Rudolph been?
51:25
There have been questions about the leader of the Norwegian reindeer, Rudolph.
51:29
He's probably hiding in a hole like Saddam Hussein was.
51:32
His bright communist red nose as a beacon to all the reindeer serving valiantly under
51:40
him.
51:40
Donner and Vixen have recently spoken out against this fleeing from Norway, pleading
51:46
with the reindeer, asking them to stay.
51:48
It has fell on deaf ears at this point.
51:50
This is just in.
51:51
We have a fact.
51:52
Donner has been assassinated by Rudolph's forces.
51:58
Rudolph needed Donner and Vixen to stop opposing him.
52:02
What a dramatic update to happen right this second while we're talking about this.
52:05
One moment and the war and bloodshed.
52:11
If you would like to join a group that helps prevent the immigration of Norwegian
52:15
Rangers into Russia, please go to www.stopcom.com.
52:23
But that is it from this story.
52:26
Thank you for tuning into QDNPR.
52:28
This is Akezius.
52:30
Thank you for turning into QDNPR.
52:32
Please tune in next time.
52:39
Well, all right, there you go.
52:41
Big time story.
52:42
Big time story from the world.
52:43
I'm glad they're there.
52:44
Otherwise, I would have no idea that there is a communist reindeer fighting a Ukrainian
52:51
Santa.
52:51
I've never even heard of Ukraine.
52:54
This is all news to me.
52:56
The fact that you've never heard of Ukraine and there's a Ukrainian Santa is baffling.
53:00
I wasn't even sure reindeer were actual animals.
53:02
Yeah, that's I thought they were mythical beasts.
53:04
I thought they were like a big Santa rose to power.
53:08
But man, thank you QDNPR for bringing us the front news headlines, the headlines that matter,
53:14
the headlines that played impact on our lives in the United States.
53:19
Well, all right.
53:19
One-liner wisdom, Evan.
53:21
What do you have for the people?
53:22
You can turn on a light for a man and light his path, but you can teach a man how to turn
53:26
on a light and he may hyperfix it on if he has autism.
53:31
You're right.
53:31
He might turn it on multiple times and, you know, OCD kind of situation.
53:34
I agree.
53:35
That was very specific crowd.
53:39
It's wise.
53:41
All right, Alan, what's your one-liner wisdom?
53:43
You can't pick up a pickup truck, but you can pick up your trash, you litter.
53:50
You've been big on the littering.
53:51
You were worried about everybody just screwing up the planet.
53:54
My shirts just say environment on it.
53:58
I want people to know what I'm about.
53:59
You wear the trash that you find on the ground.
54:02
Yeah.
54:02
Yeah.
54:02
It's called recycling.
54:04
Yeah.
54:06
That's one step recycling right there.
54:08
Yeah.
54:09
Oh man.
54:09
Well, there you go.
54:10
Have a hypothetical.
54:12
Need advice from the three wisest people alive.
54:15
Go ahead and write in.
54:16
Questionable detour podcast at gmail.com.
54:19
But there you go, guys.
54:19
You want to be done?
54:20
Yes.
54:21
Sure.
54:21
Sure.