Latest / The Daily Sarcast / September 25th, 2026: Bad Sex Ed In New York, LinkedIn Cracks Down And How My First Stand Up Show Went

Transcript

September 25th, 2026: Bad Sex Ed In New York, LinkedIn Cracks Down And How My First Stand Up Show Went · The Daily Sarcast

• 0:00
  Have you ever spent 20 minutes looking for your phone while holding your phone?
• 0:04
  Introducing Where the Fuck Is My Phone. Their patented system simply waits until
• 0:09
  you swear that somebody stole it.
• 0:11
  And then they reveal that it's in your hand. Where the fuck is my phone?
• 0:16
  They don't solve problems. They just make you feel stupid faster.
• 0:20
  It's less and less the family time. It's suffering because of it.
• 0:23
  But that's okay. We are here to work, to do a good job, and that's what matters.
• 0:28
  And Barron is already a young man, so sometimes he's maybe even happy with that.
• 0:32
  You know, I just want to do my stuff, and that's okay.
• 0:35
  Melania on her family time.
• 0:38
  Insert theme song here. This is the Daily Sarcast. I give you the news and me
• 0:41
  be a laugh. I'm Lindsay Vernick, and today is September 25th, 2026.
• 0:46
  In real news, So restaurants are now using AI to advertise their food.
• 0:51
  I guess taking a picture of a hamburger is too expensive and complicated for people now.
• 0:56
  Restaurants are putting AI-generated food pictures on signs, menus, and ads.
• 1:01
  But the problem is AI doesn't understand food.
• 1:04
  Like one woman saw AI pictures outside a halal truck and said that it felt like
• 1:09
  she was in an episode of The Twilight Zone.
• 1:11
  Like the food looks recognizable, but wrong.
• 1:15
  It's exactly what you want to see when you're deciding whether you should spend
• 1:18
  at least $25 on dinner or not.
• 1:21
  AI is creating things like chicken wings with bizarre textures and perfectly repeating patterns.
• 1:27
  One person said the wings look like they have been recovered from the reactor core.
• 1:32
  That is not what you want to hear about your food.
• 1:35
  We don't need AI to make our food look better than it actually is.
• 1:39
  We just need it to tell us information.
• 1:42
  But I mean, we're all going to end up eating AI-generated food pretty soon anyways.
• 1:47
  New York has a sex ed problem. So the New York Civil Liberties Union looked
• 1:52
  at sex ed curriculum from 50 school districts across the state,
• 1:56
  and they found that more than a third contained medically inaccurate or misleading information.
• 2:02
  And that's really concerning because this is the one class where you really
• 2:05
  want the teacher to know what they're talking about.
• 2:08
  Like, it's kind of insane what's going on in some of these schools.
• 2:11
  One school district taught students
• 2:13
  that birth control pills can increase your risk of getting an STI.
• 2:17
  Another school district told their kids that Hitler and Vincent van Gogh were
• 2:22
  like on a list of historical figures who had syphilis.
• 2:26
  Like imagine being that 14 year old who's learning about sex and then like all
• 2:30
  of a sudden getting hit with that fun fact about Hitler.
• 2:33
  Another district taught that being preoccupied with sex is a bit of a clue that
• 2:38
  somebody could be a rapist.
• 2:41
  So the New York sex ed curriculum is just a combination of misinformation,
• 2:45
  fear, and a very aggressive game of six degrees of Kevin Bacon.
• 2:49
  And then there's the celebrity absence section, which included Lady Gaga and Robert Pattinson.
• 2:55
  There's nothing like a comprehensive sexual education, like finding out whether
• 2:59
  Edward Cullen is still abstinent.
• 3:02
  New York reviewed these 50 districts and found that 10 of them use strict abstinence-only
• 3:07
  curriculum, and four districts don't even cover the basic anatomy and reproduction systems.
• 3:14
  But New York doesn't require a comprehensive sex education statewide.
• 3:18
  So depending on where you go to school, you could learn about contraception
• 3:21
  and consent, or you could spend your health class learning about Adolf Hitler having syphilis.
• 3:28
  I have a lot of questions for these teachers.
• 3:30
  LinkedIn is making it a lot harder to lie about where you work.
• 3:34
  So this is devastating news for the thousands of people who have been senior
• 3:38
  vice presidents of Google since 2017.
• 3:41
  Yes, I know, people actually make up jobs on their LinkedIn.
• 3:44
  That's really crazy. I've actually never heard of this, genuinely.
• 3:48
  LinkedIn is rolling out this new feature that lets companies verify people who
• 3:53
  falsely claim to work there and remove them from the company's employee listings.
• 3:58
  So they're sending out emails to like your work email to prove that you actually
• 4:02
  work at this company that you listed on LinkedIn.
• 4:06
  LinkedIn is about to become the first social media platform where your delusion has to be fact check.
• 4:11
  Like you can no longer just put producer on Netflix and hope nobody asks any
• 4:14
  questions and believes you.
• 4:16
  And Netflix could be like who the fuck is Lindsay and LinkedIn will be like
• 4:20
  great question we're removing her,
• 4:22
  so LinkedIn is cracking down on resume inflation there are people there who
• 4:27
  have founder CEO investor thought leader and entrepreneur listed as their current
• 4:31
  positions like you sell candles on Etsy,
• 4:35
  so LinkedIn is finally asking the question we've all been too polite to ask
• 4:38
  do you actually work there or not in Lindsay life I had my first stand-up show
• 4:43
  yesterday. It was so much fun.
• 4:45
  I had a couple of friends come out. I had one of my new friends come out.
• 4:49
  Her name was Zoe and she was so excited.
• 4:52
  She told me she was like ready to laugh whenever she's gonna laugh at all my
• 4:55
  jokes and like not to worry about people not laughing.
• 4:58
  She told me afterwards that she didn't have to fake laugh once.
• 5:02
  So I guess that's a sign that it went okay.
• 5:05
  And MVP of this week goes to the reporter who yelled, be careful with the stairs,
• 5:11
  as Donald and Melania Trump rode the U.N. escalator this week.
• 5:15
  So if you don't remember, last year the escalator stopped while the Trumps were
• 5:19
  riding it at the United Nations.
• 5:21
  And Trump was like, oh, somebody was trying to sabotage me.
• 5:25
  But then later the U.N. was like, somebody of your own entourage had activated the emergency stop.
• 5:32
  So then this year, when the Trumps got on the same escalator,
• 5:35
  one reporter was like, we're not going to make sure history doesn't repeat itself,
• 5:39
  and yelled, be careful with the stairs.
• 5:42
  Like, that's the kind of commitment to a joke I respect.
• 5:46
  This guy waited an entire year. He remembered all of the lore.
• 5:50
  He saw them getting on the escalator and took his shot.
• 5:54
  So congrats to that reporter. You are this week's MVP.
• 5:58
  Cooking tip of the day. don't defrost your chicken if you're not going to cook it,
• 6:02
  feedback comments questions a nice jewish boy looking for a date email me at
• 6:06
  lindsey at the daily starcast.com thank you so much for listening have a great
• 6:10
  weekend stay warm i guess and i'll talk to you guys on monday.