Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / 269. The Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms we don't want to Admit

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269. The Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms we don't want to Admit · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

0:05
Speaker 1: Apodjay Production. Welcome to the She Rises Podcast. I'm Ashy
0:13
Speaker 1: and I'm Tiana. This podcast is.
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Speaker 2: About female empowerment and encouraging you to be your biggest, boldest,
0:18
Speaker 2: and most authentic version of yourself.
0:20
Speaker 1: We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level.
0:23
Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone
0:26
Speaker 1: else is too afraid to talk about.
0:28
Speaker 3: Get ready for your next level of self.
0:31
Speaker 2: Hello, and welcome back to another episode of she Rises.
0:34
Speaker 2: We've got Ashally here with me Tiana. For anyone who
0:37
Speaker 2: doesn't know us, welcome to she Rises. We talk all
0:40
Speaker 2: things personal development, having hard conversations and a lot of
0:43
Speaker 2: conversations that people don't enjoy, kind of diving deep into
0:47
Speaker 2: think personal development, growth forward focused and actually moving the
0:50
Speaker 2: needle forward in your life.
0:51
Speaker 3: So today's episode is going to be all.
0:53
Speaker 2: About understanding like your coping mechanisms and understanding if there's
0:57
Speaker 2: any cheeky ones that are playing out in your life
0:58
Speaker 2: right now and ones that have actually showed up for us,
1:01
Speaker 2: and how we choose to move through them. So you
1:03
Speaker 2: might learn something about yourself in this episode. But before
1:06
Speaker 2: we get stuck into it, and we'll do a share
1:07
Speaker 2: of the week.
1:08
Speaker 3: What's your what's.
1:08
Speaker 1: Actually mine is all shameless plug, but my hair masks
1:12
Speaker 1: that I use every week. Now, I've been getting so
1:13
Speaker 1: many conflimenents with my hair lately, and I am so
1:16
Speaker 1: consistent with a hair mask. I do it every single week,
1:19
Speaker 1: once a week, sometimes twice week if I'm going to
1:20
Speaker 1: wash my hair twice week, but normally it's only once.
1:23
Speaker 1: But yeah, it's the high Dowa hair mask. Comes in
1:24
Speaker 1: all the different fragrances, but it's just so nourishing. My
1:27
Speaker 1: hair has never felt healthier, stronger. When I was blonde,
1:31
Speaker 1: my ends would grow out, but they'd be all split
1:33
Speaker 1: and dry and thin, whereas my ends are just as
1:36
Speaker 1: thick as the rest of my hair. Yeah, and my
1:38
Speaker 1: hair is just absolutely thriving.
1:39
Speaker 3: Yeah, it is very long now, she's thriving.
1:42
Speaker 1: He's getting so good. Yeah, that's my little plug, A
1:45
Speaker 1: high Doay hair mask. If you want healthier, shinier, stronger hair.
1:48
Speaker 2: Have used it before, can confirm ver nad is very good,
1:51
Speaker 2: very good. Mine is actually a TV series that actually recommended.
1:55
Speaker 2: It's called I Will Find You So Good. You're going
1:58
Speaker 2: to sit on the edge of your seat while you're
1:59
Speaker 2: watching it. It's very short and sweet. It's only about
2:01
Speaker 2: eight episodes, so yeah, you will be done in about
2:04
Speaker 2: a week or maybe if you bringe to I feel like, yeah,
2:07
Speaker 2: it depends what you're like. H I don't want to
2:09
Speaker 2: give it away, but honestly, you should go watch it.
2:11
Speaker 2: It will spark your interest in a way where you
2:13
Speaker 2: have to really think about what's happening next and who
2:16
Speaker 2: the character is and how the story is going to unfold.
2:19
Speaker 2: And I don't no, you have to be very locked
2:22
Speaker 2: in you want to be. It sucks you in from
2:25
Speaker 2: the very beginning. So yeah, that was really cool. I
2:27
Speaker 2: don't normally watch things like that because I try to
2:29
Speaker 2: stay away from anything that might be a little bit scary,
2:31
Speaker 2: but this one is not, Like, it's not gory, it's
2:33
Speaker 2: not mystery. Yeah, mystery is figuring it out a little bit,
2:37
Speaker 2: crying a little bit mystery.
2:38
Speaker 1: Yeah, it is a good one. I really enjoyed that.
2:40
Speaker 1: I was so glad you watched it. Well written storyline, yeah,
2:43
Speaker 1: that's for sure. Harland Corbyn, Yes, his director, he's got
2:45
Speaker 1: like twelve one Netflix are really good.
2:47
Speaker 3: Yeah, I gotta watch to the next ones.
2:48
Speaker 1: Yes. Alright, So today we're talking about coping mechanisms, which
2:52
Speaker 1: I think we all have. There's so many. So what
2:54
Speaker 1: is a coping mechanism. It's something that you use to
2:57
Speaker 1: cope with your uncomfortable emotions or feelings. So we'll list
3:01
Speaker 1: off a few and then we'll talk about our personal ones.
3:04
Speaker 1: I've been showing up recently because I definitely have one.
3:07
Speaker 1: But it could be you cope with food, you cope
3:09
Speaker 1: with alcohol, sex, drugs, porn, scrolling dope mean hits, relationships,
3:16
Speaker 1: just different distractions, spending money over exercising, some people binging
3:21
Speaker 1: TV series, Mine is shopping. I love this as a distraction.
3:26
Speaker 1: Definitely not healthy, not necessary. Could spend my money on
3:29
Speaker 1: other more productive things. And it's not even like expensive
3:32
Speaker 1: designer things. It'll just be like scrolling a clothing website
3:35
Speaker 1: because I rather do that than scroll like TikTok or
3:38
Speaker 1: Instagram and just spend them. Now I don't even know
3:40
Speaker 1: what I'm consuming. I really enjoy shopping that dope mean
3:43
Speaker 1: Hit and the colors and how I'm going to style things,
3:45
Speaker 1: and even going to a shopping center. Yeah, because it's
3:48
Speaker 1: like a different environment. It changes my state. But it's
3:50
Speaker 1: unnecessary spending and I'm aware of it sometimes, Like sometimes
3:53
Speaker 1: I'll go to the car and go to pay, and
3:55
Speaker 1: then have that conversation with myself, like do you actually
3:58
Speaker 1: really need or want these? Or is that you're trying
4:01
Speaker 1: to avoid something that's coming up right now? And then
4:03
Speaker 1: sometimes if I'm trying to avoid, I will literally have
4:05
Speaker 1: that conversation myself and go, I'm going to do this
4:07
Speaker 1: for fifteen minutes because I'm not quite ready to sit
4:10
Speaker 1: with it yet, and I'm going to park it to
4:12
Speaker 1: the side because I'm not ready and I will address
4:14
Speaker 1: it soon, but right now I don't want to. I'll
4:16
Speaker 1: like allow myself that time and space, like I talk
4:19
Speaker 1: about having the pity party, allow myself to shop for
4:21
Speaker 1: a bit, yeah, and sometimes don't actually purchase, but enjoy
4:24
Speaker 1: the process, the windows shoving, And then sometimes I do
4:27
Speaker 1: when the order comes, I'm like, wow, you didn't need that.
4:30
Speaker 1: I absolutely did not need that, funny, but it's so pretty.
4:35
Speaker 2: And I will look good wearing it. What I do
4:39
Speaker 2: mine is I just want to like stay before and
4:41
Speaker 2: I have a good relationship with.
4:43
Speaker 1: Food, very healthy.
4:44
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I find that sometimes I spend money on
4:49
Speaker 2: food when I'm avoiding feeling something. So it's not like
4:52
Speaker 2: I'm going out and binging and like you know, eating
4:55
Speaker 2: heaps of like shit food and make myself like a
4:57
Speaker 2: chocolate or like I'm not doing I'm doing.
4:59
Speaker 3: It within reason.
5:00
Speaker 2: It's nothing eating, no, but it's like I go out
5:03
Speaker 2: and eat a meal that like I really I want
5:05
Speaker 2: to eat, but it's like it gets to a point
5:07
Speaker 2: where I know it's unproductive. I'm doing it all the
5:09
Speaker 2: time I have a bad feeling, you know, or I
5:11
Speaker 2: like have something come up for me, and I'm like,
5:12
Speaker 2: you know, obviously I'm really busy and doing all the things,
5:14
Speaker 2: and I'm like, you know, maybe I'll just go like
5:16
Speaker 2: fucking get a steak or something and like feel the
5:18
Speaker 2: dopamine from eating that meal instead of addressing the thing
5:21
Speaker 2: that's coming up for me. And so I notice myself
5:25
Speaker 2: like when I really can see it in my like
5:26
Speaker 2: weekly habits, like if I do it like a couple
5:28
Speaker 2: of times, I'm like, oh, Okay, something is coming up
5:30
Speaker 2: for me that I'm not addressing. Yeah, but I'm choosing
5:32
Speaker 2: to go buy food instead and like eat out instead
5:35
Speaker 2: of you know, eating the food I have at home
5:36
Speaker 2: that I know that I have at home because I
5:39
Speaker 2: want to make myself feel better and like going out
5:41
Speaker 2: and enjoying a meal is like almost like a love
5:43
Speaker 2: language for me. I love doing it with the people
5:45
Speaker 2: that I love. Yeah, I also love doing it by myself. Yeah,
5:48
Speaker 2: it's like my quiet time. I can like go sit
5:50
Speaker 2: by myself and eat a meal. And like some would
5:52
Speaker 2: say that that's productive, but also when i know that
5:54
Speaker 2: I'm doing it excessively, I'm like, Okay, that's not productive.
5:57
Speaker 2: And if I know I'm doing it to avoid emotions,
5:59
Speaker 2: that's also not productive.
6:02
Speaker 1: In a previous episode, I loved how you spoke about
6:04
Speaker 1: giving up our whole and that was a coping mechanism
6:07
Speaker 1: for you to avoid the feelings of the sexual shame.
6:10
Speaker 1: I'm guessing was that way harder to give up that
6:13
Speaker 1: coping mechanism. If you think about now with food and
6:16
Speaker 1: you have that conscious thought of like I'm going to
6:18
Speaker 1: go eat, do you have control of it?
6:20
Speaker 3: Yeah?
6:21
Speaker 1: Whereas with the alcohol, was that I'm guessing it would
6:22
Speaker 1: be a lot harder.
6:23
Speaker 2: The alcohol is a lot harder and it took out
6:25
Speaker 2: much longer, whereas now, like even just talking about it,
6:28
Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm aware that I do it, yeah, so
6:30
Speaker 2: that I enjoy doing it, yes, you know, because i
6:33
Speaker 2: know I'm not binging or anything.
6:34
Speaker 3: Like that, so I know it's not negatively impacting me,
6:37
Speaker 3: but like this is a money leak.
6:38
Speaker 1: Yeah, money, I'm like, oh, do I need to spend that?
6:41
Speaker 2: Probably not Emma going to Yes, yeah, but I'm like
6:44
Speaker 2: I could clean it up for sure.
6:45
Speaker 1: Yes, same with me, Yeah, clean it up. It's just awareness.
6:48
Speaker 1: It's like there's no shame here. But once again, we
6:50
Speaker 1: want to have this conversation because maybe you're not aware
6:52
Speaker 1: of what your coping mechanism is. And it's the same
6:55
Speaker 1: with you know, a you that person that says I
6:57
Speaker 1: don't have time to excite, that I have time to meditate,
6:59
Speaker 1: but you're scrolling for an hour every night. That is
7:02
Speaker 1: you distracting yourself from what's really going on or the
7:05
Speaker 1: hard thing that you know you need to do, or
7:06
Speaker 1: the hard conversation you've got to have, or what you've
7:08
Speaker 1: got to sit with, or what you've got to clean up,
7:10
Speaker 1: whatever it is. That's a way that you cope or
7:13
Speaker 1: avoid doing something or feeling something hard.
7:15
Speaker 2: If you're listening to this and you're like, oh my gosh, yes,
7:18
Speaker 2: I know that I'm currently doing that, but I'm not
7:19
Speaker 2: doing anything about it, it's also okay, Like it's okay,
7:22
Speaker 2: to have something come up for you that you're not
7:24
Speaker 2: yet ready to face and you feel overwhelmed by. I
7:27
Speaker 2: think every single one of us, us, both included and
7:30
Speaker 2: you listening to, is going through something that you probably
7:34
Speaker 2: don't talk about, that no one knows about, that is
7:36
Speaker 2: kind of sitting on your chest, or that is a
7:37
Speaker 2: previous thing that you've been holding and caring for a
7:39
Speaker 2: really long time, and it's fucking uncomfortable. Can we just
7:43
Speaker 2: acknowledge and just be okay that we're going to feel
7:45
Speaker 2: really hard things sometimes, and we do things because we
7:48
Speaker 2: want to feel better, but sometimes it's unproductive because we're
7:52
Speaker 2: doing it to feel better in the moment instead of
7:54
Speaker 2: doing it to feel better in the long term. Yeah,
7:56
Speaker 2: that's the conversation you get to have with yourself. Like
7:59
Speaker 2: even with me with the drinking, the conversation I had
8:02
Speaker 2: with myself was do I want to still be doing
8:04
Speaker 2: this five years from now? I was eighteen years old
8:07
Speaker 2: and I was surrounded by people who are in their forties,
8:09
Speaker 2: still getting on it, still drinking, still partying all weekend,
8:12
Speaker 2: and I'm like, do I really want that for myself?
8:14
Speaker 3: No?
8:14
Speaker 1: Absolutely not.
8:15
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, so it's like that hard conversation with Hey,
8:19
Speaker 2: I love you, I see you. I know you're like
8:21
Speaker 2: struggling and I know you're going through something, but it's
8:24
Speaker 2: also okay to feel it too.
8:25
Speaker 1: Yeah.
8:26
Speaker 2: I think that's what we really get scared of, is
8:27
Speaker 2: like actually feeling what's underneath all of these coping mechanisms.
8:30
Speaker 1: It's going to come up. Yeah, same with like sitting still. Hey,
8:32
Speaker 1: we're scared of what's going to come up or what
8:34
Speaker 1: we're going to realize or decide. Even us, we've been
8:36
Speaker 1: like having conversations like big decisions we've got to make,
8:39
Speaker 1: but we know if we sit still for a moment,
8:41
Speaker 1: it'll probably come up. But sometimes we're like, oh, I'm
8:43
Speaker 1: not quite ready to go there yet. It's going to
8:45
Speaker 1: give myself a bit more time, and.
8:46
Speaker 3: Like, come on, all of our lives are so busy.
8:49
Speaker 1: Yeah, I really is so busy.
8:51
Speaker 2: Like we do not have a like I mean, most
8:53
Speaker 2: people if feeling their time or they are so busy
8:56
Speaker 2: with the responsibility that they have minimal time and then
8:59
Speaker 2: they fill their time with other things. So the little
9:01
Speaker 2: micromembers that they do have, they're not sitting in stillness. Yeah,
9:04
Speaker 2: you just get used to that lifestyle of being busy
9:06
Speaker 2: on the go all the time that you're like, fuck,
9:08
Speaker 2: I don't even remember what it feels like to.
9:09
Speaker 3: Sit in my own thoughts. Yeah, and then you do,
9:11
Speaker 3: and then you get scared of it and you run
9:13
Speaker 3: away from it because it's overloading and it like bombards you.
9:15
Speaker 1: And yeah, I think it adds up over time, and
9:18
Speaker 1: there's always consequences to her actions and decisions. I had
9:20
Speaker 1: a girlfriend once who her coping mechanism was turning to men. Yeah,
9:24
Speaker 1: she was just sleeping around all the time, just wanted
9:26
Speaker 1: the validation, wanted the comfort, wanted the attention, and yeah,
9:30
Speaker 1: it was like fun and games for a while, but
9:31
Speaker 1: then she kind of got addicted to that and she
9:33
Speaker 1: felt so worthless by herself and felt like she needed it.
9:37
Speaker 1: And then she started to feel used by these men.
9:39
Speaker 1: But she was the one that kept putting herself out
9:40
Speaker 1: there and allowing it. And I remember when she got
9:43
Speaker 1: to a point where she's like, Wow, this is a
9:45
Speaker 1: me problem. I actually need to clean up my own
9:47
Speaker 1: behavior if I want to stop feeling used and feeling
9:49
Speaker 1: like a piece of meat and feeling like that's all
9:50
Speaker 1: they want me for. I'm allowing it and literally allowing
9:54
Speaker 1: it because I get something out.
9:55
Speaker 3: Of this serial data.
9:56
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, so that's cool. It's like, once again, no
10:00
Speaker 1: shame here, but just hopefully this conversation sparks some curiosity
10:03
Speaker 1: within yourself, like do I have a coping mechanism? Is
10:06
Speaker 1: it healthy? Is it productive? Is it actually okay right
10:09
Speaker 1: now to cope like that? But then what's going to
10:10
Speaker 1: be the long term impact? And do I feel strong
10:12
Speaker 1: enough to break that? Or is this an addiction? Yes?
10:15
Speaker 3: And that's cool distinction to make.
10:16
Speaker 2: Like even the ones that we mentioned were quite lighthearted,
10:19
Speaker 2: cuting mechanisms, right, but if we talk about something like
10:22
Speaker 2: a little bit deeper, like what with the drinking, that
10:24
Speaker 2: was a much more challenging one. And that's like when
10:26
Speaker 2: it's the question of okay, this is bordering addiction. Is
10:29
Speaker 2: this detrimental to me versus you know, like say like
10:32
Speaker 2: a couple months ago, I can't even remember what I
10:34
Speaker 2: was going through, but just feeling quite heavy emotionally and
10:36
Speaker 2: being like I am aware that I'm scrolling for an
10:39
Speaker 2: hour before bed at night, Like I'm aware that I'm
10:42
Speaker 2: doing that, and it's like, am I shameful about it? No?
10:45
Speaker 3: Do I know it's unproductive?
10:46
Speaker 2: Yes?
10:47
Speaker 3: Can I do something else in my time.
10:49
Speaker 2: Absolutely, and then in that season it was like almost
10:52
Speaker 2: like that will always getting me through. It was like
10:54
Speaker 2: this little dopamine hit of like I love conspiracy theories,
10:57
Speaker 2: so I'm like sitting in bed and I'm like, what's
10:59
Speaker 2: the next conspiracy? And I'm over here like, yes, I know,
11:01
Speaker 2: my emotions feel really heavy right now, but I want
11:03
Speaker 2: to watch this video.
11:04
Speaker 1: Yeah.
11:05
Speaker 2: So it's like not a necessarily unproductive thing. Yeah, if
11:08
Speaker 2: I do it for a long period of time, hell yeah,
11:10
Speaker 2: it'll be unproductive and not good for my mental state.
11:13
Speaker 2: It's I'm avoiding myself. But like I think, sometimes we
11:17
Speaker 2: do things to help us get through the season that
11:19
Speaker 2: we're in, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that,
11:21
Speaker 2: so long as you don't continue to do that.
11:23
Speaker 1: Yes, I had a girlfriend once too, ages ago, and
11:27
Speaker 1: her partner used to wink off a lot because that
11:30
Speaker 1: was his stress relief. Yeah. I remember at the start like, oh, yeah,
11:33
Speaker 1: it does it quite a bit, but it ah. But
11:34
Speaker 1: then as time went on, it's like he doesn't want
11:36
Speaker 1: to have sex with me. Now, he can't come when
11:38
Speaker 1: we're intimate because he's using his hands so much. They
11:41
Speaker 1: call it. I learned this from her. They call it
11:42
Speaker 1: death grip. Yes, I've heard of that. Yeah, but because
11:45
Speaker 1: the grip on the hand is so so tight, so
11:47
Speaker 1: tight on their cock that then like a pussy doesn't
11:50
Speaker 1: feel great and they can't get off on it. So
11:52
Speaker 1: then she started to feel like I'm not good enough,
11:54
Speaker 1: You're not turned on by me, and it became a
11:56
Speaker 1: real problem, and he was legitimately addicted to pawn and
11:59
Speaker 1: addicted to getting off multiple times a day, so it
12:02
Speaker 1: impacted their relationship and they broke up, like fuck the relationship.
12:06
Speaker 1: So you can see how an unhealthy coping mechanism can
12:09
Speaker 1: have huge consequences if you're not aware of it and
12:11
Speaker 1: you don't catch it early enough. Yeah, yeah, don't do
12:14
Speaker 1: the work to break it, which would be really uncomfortable.
12:16
Speaker 1: But that was really sad to see because they had
12:17
Speaker 1: a great relationship and they loved each other so much.
12:19
Speaker 1: But she's like, I can't keep coming second best to
12:22
Speaker 1: his hand. I'm missing out intimacy, connection and feeling desired
12:26
Speaker 1: and wanted, like this isn't it for me? Yeah, it's
12:29
Speaker 1: really sad. It's tough.
12:30
Speaker 2: I feel like a lot of women struggle with that
12:31
Speaker 2: because of porn and yeah, of men's relationship to it
12:34
Speaker 2: women too, Yeah, sure not men are the only ones.
12:37
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm in a forum on Facebook. It's like a
12:39
Speaker 1: relationship for them people all around the world. I think
12:41
Speaker 1: it's an American one. I didn't know how I got
12:42
Speaker 1: in there, but I would say like ninety percent of
12:45
Speaker 1: the posts in there are around porn. Wow, huge porn
12:48
Speaker 1: and affairs. Yeah wow. Yeah, it's really sad.
12:52
Speaker 2: Men too, Like obviously we had a conversation similar in
12:54
Speaker 2: another previous episode around how men it's not normalized for
12:58
Speaker 2: them to talk about things, yes, whereas like women, we
13:00
Speaker 2: lean on each other.
13:00
Speaker 1: So true.
13:01
Speaker 2: We have support, We've got our sisters, we've got you know,
13:04
Speaker 2: we can Yeah, we can load, unload, we process through
13:07
Speaker 2: things together.
13:08
Speaker 3: Men not so much.
13:09
Speaker 2: Only now in these generations has it become more normalized
13:12
Speaker 2: and the younger generations for men to want for community,
13:17
Speaker 2: need for community, and actually start to like have like
13:19
Speaker 2: a brotherhood. So I think it's really special. But also
13:22
Speaker 2: it doesn't take away the bit of a pandemic of
13:25
Speaker 2: men not having anywhere to turn to.
13:26
Speaker 1: So true, they say women's nervous system instantly like lowers
13:30
Speaker 1: our stress levels, lower our quarters or lowers as soon
13:33
Speaker 1: as we start unloading to another female feel that. Yeah,
13:37
Speaker 1: I instantly feel like just I can take a breath,
13:40
Speaker 1: you know, I don't have to carry that alone. Yeah
13:42
Speaker 1: it was heavy.
13:43
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a powerful thing to be able to like
13:45
Speaker 2: talk through things. But men don't have that, and maybe
13:48
Speaker 2: that is their outlet, especially because they're predisposed to being
13:51
Speaker 2: more visual beings and predominantly more physical in terms of
13:55
Speaker 2: their desires.
13:57
Speaker 1: That makes sense from what I read too. It just
13:59
Speaker 1: sets out such an unrealistic expectation for the bedroom, what
14:02
Speaker 1: it's meant to be like when they watch porn clips.
14:05
Speaker 1: It's just not like that in reality.
14:06
Speaker 3: Oh my god, I experienced that my last relationship.
14:09
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's not nice.
14:10
Speaker 2: There's a difference between, you know, being intimate with your
14:13
Speaker 2: partner and wanting to connect versus wanting to perform. And
14:16
Speaker 2: I've been with men who want to connect emotionally, mentally
14:20
Speaker 2: and in terms of like intimacy versus the man who
14:23
Speaker 2: wants to perform, Like what a porn video would look like.
14:26
Speaker 1: When you say performers, it like the noises, actions and
14:29
Speaker 1: positions like, what do you mean.
14:31
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's the way that it's done. It's the lead
14:34
Speaker 2: up it's the energy. It's more rough. It's not like
14:37
Speaker 2: he's taking care of me.
14:38
Speaker 1: The experience. Yeah, it's a.
14:40
Speaker 2: Bit of the energy of like, oh, you're a slut
14:42
Speaker 2: and I'm like, right, this is an exchange kind of thing.
14:46
Speaker 2: It's more of like I'm performing in terms of it's
14:49
Speaker 2: more rough, it's more audible, it's like put on a
14:53
Speaker 2: sound for me instead of like actually enjoying it and connecting.
14:57
Speaker 2: And it's not as genuine softening that it's performative, which
15:01
Speaker 2: is not genuine. So I think the difference even between
15:04
Speaker 2: that too, of being with somebody now who doesn't watch
15:07
Speaker 2: porn doesn't have an issue with that, versus somebody else
15:10
Speaker 2: in the past who has had an issue with that.
15:13
Speaker 2: How different intimacy actually is.
15:15
Speaker 1: Yeah, from what you've described as worlds.
15:16
Speaker 3: Yeah, it is.
15:18
Speaker 2: And on the receiving end, as a woman, you can
15:20
Speaker 2: feel when a man is watching porn because he's performative.
15:23
Speaker 2: In my experience. Yeah, that's not true for everybody, but
15:26
Speaker 2: in my experience, I can tell.
15:27
Speaker 1: Right, Yeah, gosh, what a difference. Yeah. Anyways, that's a
15:31
Speaker 1: whole nother subject. But once again, it is a coping
15:34
Speaker 1: mechanism for a lot of people. You know, so once
15:37
Speaker 1: again reflect where is it showing up for you? What
15:39
Speaker 1: are your coping mechanisms, are they healthy? Are they serving you?
15:42
Speaker 1: What's the long term impact? What are the consequences of
15:45
Speaker 1: you continuing this is impacting your relationships with yourself, with food,
15:48
Speaker 1: with your body, with help with your partner, and really
15:51
Speaker 1: like check in and be really honest with yourself. Yeah.
15:54
Speaker 3: Absolutely, I think a big one is food.
15:56
Speaker 1: So big A lot of clients to come.
15:58
Speaker 2: To me with challenges like that of emotional eating. I've
16:01
Speaker 2: been guilty of it before in the past. I still
16:04
Speaker 2: do it sometimes. How to do Yeah, Like sometimes they
16:06
Speaker 2: come back, they slip in and you're like, oh when
16:08
Speaker 2: then you notice it, then you can catch it.
16:10
Speaker 1: I'll go into my pantry and then I'll realize I'm
16:12
Speaker 1: in I'm like, you're not even hungry. But it's weird
16:14
Speaker 1: for that moment that if you have chocolate that you
16:17
Speaker 1: literally feel better for the moment. It's so strange. You
16:20
Speaker 1: can see why it's so addictive. And sometimes I'll say
16:23
Speaker 1: to Steve, I'm like, I literally could smash a block
16:26
Speaker 1: of cabri because I just feel so stressed. That distracts
16:29
Speaker 1: me for the moment and Sometimes I'm like, I'll allow it.
16:33
Speaker 1: Other times I'm like, this can't be a regular habit.
16:35
Speaker 1: That's not good for my health.
16:36
Speaker 2: At twenty.
16:39
Speaker 1: Absolutely, go get a clean treat girl, and I eat
16:43
Speaker 1: ten of them.
16:43
Speaker 2: No, speaking of the Dbai ones are really good.
16:47
Speaker 1: Yeah, Dbui chocolate ones. Oh all right, guys, I hope
16:51
Speaker 1: you enjoyed that episode and you take some time to reflect.
16:53
Speaker 1: We always want to bring up the hard conversations and
16:55
Speaker 1: the things that you might not be facing yourself and
16:57
Speaker 1: just give you permission to actually go there because it's
17:00
Speaker 1: only going to benefit you and your relationship with connection
17:02
Speaker 1: to yourself and your results in all areas of your
17:04
Speaker 1: life at it might be impacting.
17:05
Speaker 2: Absolutely, and think about it as well, like this, like
17:07
Speaker 2: we have what five months left of the young Well,
17:10
Speaker 2: it's like a turning point, this point in the year
17:13
Speaker 2: where everything that you may have been allowing up until
17:16
Speaker 2: now that's okay. Yeah, but do you want to continue
17:19
Speaker 2: doing that moving forward?
17:20
Speaker 1: You want to get to the end of the year
17:22
Speaker 1: and look back and go, wove just another whole year
17:24
Speaker 1: of those same habits. Yeah, And I'm in the same
17:26
Speaker 1: spot and I'm the only person to blame, Like, what
17:29
Speaker 1: does this next five months go to look like for
17:31
Speaker 1: you to get to decide.
17:32
Speaker 2: Clearly, that's exactly the conversations that we're having in ourselves,
17:34
Speaker 2: for our lives, for our friendship, for what we're doing
17:37
Speaker 2: moving forward as well. We want to invite that here
17:40
Speaker 2: for you.
17:40
Speaker 1: Definitely, thanks for joining us and we will see you
17:43
Speaker 1: on Wednesday. Bye bye,