Latest / Confident and Empowered Women / Stop Outsourcing Your Life: The Self-Leadership Every Woman Needs | EP 326

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Stop Outsourcing Your Life: The Self-Leadership Every Woman Needs | EP 326 · Confident and Empowered Women

• 0:05
  If you've ever found yourself asking, "What do you think I should do?"
• 0:09
  way more often than you've asked yourself, getting everybody's playbook, taking a poll, and gathering a full consensus on what you should do, there's a strong possibility you've outsourced your leadership.
• 0:22
  Listen, it's not like you woke up one morning and thought, "Let me hand over the leadership of my life.
• 0:29
  No.
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  If you've ever let your past convince you that you're not qualified for the future you've been called into, or looked around wondering why everybody else's life seems to be working except yours, or perhaps somewhere between chasing career goals
• 0:48
  or the American dream, you lost yourself.
• 0:51
  Friend, this episode is for you because today we're talking about self-leadership, not the kind of leadership in the boardroom, your career.
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  Not leadership just because you have a title.
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  We're talking about the kind of leadership every woman already has, the leadership of her own life.
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  And today, you take yours back And before we get this party started, welcome friend, to Confident and Empowered Women, where we turn main character energy into a daily identity through self-love, boundaries that build, and relationships that feel like
• 1:32
  home.
• 1:32
  I'm your host, Letitia, and around here we have the kinda conversations you're probably having late at night after everyone else has gone to bed.
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  The conversations about confidence, healing, identity, purpose.
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  The conversations that make you sit back and think, "Woo, I needed that."
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  And every single week, we're building confidence, your self-love, and the life you truly want one brick at a time.
• 1:58
  So if this sounds like your kinda space, hit the subscribe button because I'd love to continue walking alongside you.
• 2:06
  Now, let's get into it Friend, I'm just gonna say this might be my favorite episode of all time.
• 2:17
  And listen, I just might be a little biased, but we're talking about something that's underneath every episode I've ever recorded, The foundation underneath it all is self-leadership.
• 2:30
  But first, let me make a little confession right quick, and no, this is not giving Usher vibes, so calm down.
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  And there was a season of my life, actually real talk, several seasons, okay?
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  Several of my life where I had an entire committee making decisions about my life, okay?
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  I'm talking about the group chat, the topic over brunch.
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  Not to mention calling my mom or yet another friend, then circle back because I wanted one more opinion before I made my own decision.
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  Now, before y'all start judging me, okay, don't act like you ain't never done it.
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  You know exactly what I'm talking about.
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  You text your best friend, then your sister, your coworker.
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  You ask your husband, then you Google it.
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  And then somehow you end up on TikTok listening to a complete stranger tell you what you should do with your life.
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  Ooh, the accuracy.
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  listen, there is absolutely nothing wrong with wise counsel.
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  But somewhere between all the sidebar conversations, making a list and checking it twice, I stopped looking for wisdom, and I didn't even realize it then, but every time I stopped trusting my own voice.
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  I was quietly outsourcing the leadership of my own life.
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  And you know what's funny?
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  Looking back now, I realize I wasn't actually asking everybody for advice.
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  I was asking everybody for permission.
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  Permission to make the decision I already knew I wanted to make, permission to trust myself to move, to say no, permission to leave, even permission to stay, to try again, to dream, to become.
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  And here's what's wild I've always had the gift of seeing situations from multiple perspectives.
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  I really do.
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  It's one of my strengths, and I can understand where everyone is coming from.
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  I can see both sides, empathize.
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  I can process through it all and end up in a fair place.
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  It's one of the reasons I coach the way that I do.
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  But somewhere between all the angles and 50,000 perspectives, that gift quietly turned into dependence Instead of gathering perspective, I started collecting permission slips.
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  Can you relate?
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  Because listen, there's a difference, a big difference Wisdom says, "Help me see what I might be missing."
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  Permission says, "Tell me what I'm allowed to do."
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  And those are not the same thing.
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  One empowers you, the other slowly teaches you that someone else's voice matters more than your own.
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  And for me, life then decided to do what it does best, and that's life.
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  When my granny and my mom made their transition to heaven, suddenly The women whose voices had guided me for so much of my life were no longer a phone call away.
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  And friend, nobody prepares you for that.
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  Not just the grief, but the silence, the realization that the people you instinctively reach for and make you feel tethered to your own life as you know it aren't there anymore And I had two choices, 'cause listen, you
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  know, E-40 said everybody got choices.
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  I could spend the rest of my life terrified of making the wrong decision Or I could finally learn to trust the woman they had been preparing me to become all along And that's exactly what I did.
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  I had always known deep down, I did know what was best for me.
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  Not because I had all the answers, okay?
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  but because God had already placed wisdom inside of me.
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  I just didn't trust it.
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  Everybody else's voice got top billing when whole time it was supposed to be mine So let's talk how we outsource our decisions This is the first way that we quietly give away our leadership.
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  We stop trusting ourselves.
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  Please don't think for one moment that you should never ask anybody for advice.
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  That's not what I'm saying.
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  What I am saying is, if you cannot make a decision until five people agree with it, you're no longer seeking wisdom, you're seeking permission.
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  And permission keeps you small, because now your peace depends on somebody else's approval.
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  Your confidence depends on everyone else's agreement.
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  Your next step depends on everyone else's opinion.
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  Friend, that isn't leadership.
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  Leadership says, "I'll listen.
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  I'll pray.
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  I'll seek wisdom.
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  But at the end of the day, I have this life to live, so I have to make this decision."
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  Because the real truth, straight up, no chaser, no one else has to wake up in your body, live your choices.
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  No one else has been called to your assignment.
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  You are the one.
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  You've always been the one.
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  And every time you stop trusting your own voice, you quietly outsource your leadership And this is where we really get caught up.
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  Your past has an incredible memory.
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  It loves bringing up the receipts.
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  Your memory will be like, "Oh, remember when that last relationship didn't work out?
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  Remember when that business failed?
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  Oh, remember when they rejected you?
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  Oh, but wait, remember you embarrassed yourself?"
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  Your past loves the reruns.
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  But friend, just because your past keeps replaying old episodes doesn't mean you have to keep binge-watching them, okay?
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  Your past is meant to be a teacher, not the CEO of your life.
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  There are lessons I never wanna lose from that divorce, becoming a single mom, not even the lessons from corporate leadership, and certainly not the lessons from grief.
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  But those seasons don't get to decide who I become next.
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  They get to teach me, not define me.
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  Because if every future decision is filtered through yesterday's pain, then your past is leading your life, not you.
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  And friend, every time we allow our past to define our identity, we quietly outsource our leadership Now, as your coach, I gotta ask, how many times have you betrayed yourself trying to keep somebody else comfortable?
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  Ooh, listen, I know.
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  That question hit me too, because self-abandonment doesn't always look dramatic.
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  It doesn't usually happen in one big moment.
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  Why?
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  Because you're already on high alert for that.
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  It loves to sneak up on you, And happens in a thousand tiny decisions.
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  It's you saying yes when every part of you wanted to say no.
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  It's laughing at a joke that actually hurt your feelings.
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  It's staying quiet because you don't wanna make things awkward or uncomfortable.
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  even though you feel uncomfortable.
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  It's apologizing for taking up space or showing emotions.
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  It's settling because you're tired of waiting.
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  Ooh, friend, that's for my impatient friend right there, okay?
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  It's convincing yourself this is good enough.
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  And those moments, they may seem small at the time, but every single one of them sends your heart the same message.
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  Your voice doesn't matter.
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  And if you tell yourself that long enough, you start believing it.
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  We spend so much time talking about self-love, but self-love isn't just about bubble baths and affirmations.
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  Because self-love looks like disappointing someone else because you refuse to disappoint yourself.
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  Can we normalize that?
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  Normalize choosing alignment over approval because if your peace always comes at the expense of your authenticity, that's not peace, that's performance Let me say it again so you feel that way deep down in your spirit.
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  And that's not peace, that's performance.
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  Self-leadership is not just built in the big moments.
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  It's built every time you choose yourself, especially when it's uncomfortable.
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  Every boundary, honest conversation, every no, every decision to stop shrinking or settling, those are leadership moments because every time you abandon yourself, you vote against the woman you are becoming.
• 12:08
  And every time you choose yourself, you strengthen your ability to lead your own life And friend, can I lovingly call us out for a second?
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  Because we love to follow somebody else's blueprint, okay?
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  We spend so much time trying to figure it out.
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  What is she doing?
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  What planner does she use?
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  What's the morning routine, the supplements, the business strategy?
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  What's the dating advice, skincare, and workout routine?
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  What does she do?
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  Friend, there's absolutely nothing wrong with a good strategy, plan, or the how-tos.
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  In fact, I encourage it and fully support that message.
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  I learn from others all the time, okay?
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  Because listen, just like I tell my kids, you are not gonna live long enough to make all the mistakes, and why would you want to when you don't have to?
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  It's smart to learn from others to gain new insight or perspective that unlocks something new for you And thanks to Oprah, we love us a good aha moment, okay?
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  But it's also wise to learn from your own wisdom.
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  Somewhere between the masterminds and the TED Talks, we stopped learning and started copying.
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  I'm seeing this a lot in the creator space, where people have no shame in straight up taking somebody else's intellectual property verbatim and claiming it as their own without giving the original creator credit.
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  Nasty work, okay?
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  We stopped being inspired and started comparing.
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  We stopped asking, "What is God, source, universe calling me to build?"
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  And instead, we started asking, "What seems to be working for everybody else?"
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  And this took me a lot of time to finally learn.
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  Someone else's blueprint was never designed for your calling.
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  Your assignment has your name on it.
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  Your purpose has your fingerprint on it.
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  Your life has your story woven into it.
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  You can't copy somebody else's path and expect to arrive at your destination.
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  Comparison isn't just the thief of joy, it's the thief of leadership too, because the moment you start following someone else's map without you being anywhere in it, you stop leading your own life this is exactly why I include
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  the you step in the self-love two-step remix.
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  People ask me, "Why do you always have the same you step?
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  Isn't the two-step enough?"
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  Actually, no, because the you step is where your self-leadership begins.
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  We are co-creating, we are collaborating during this part of your journey I didn't just wanna create something where I'm just telling you what to do.
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  No.
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  The real magic is you taking what I share Taking what resonates and reminds you of who you are This is where it's getting good, friend.
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  Okay, let me explain.
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  I never want you to leave one of these podcast episodes thinking the assignment is to become more me or to only do it my way.
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  Absolutely not.
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  If every episode ended with, "Go do exactly what I do," I wouldn't be creating leaders.
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  I'd be creating followers.
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  And friend, that is not my ministry, nor my mission.
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  My mission is to help you become more you the healthiest version of you, the happiest version of you, the most whole, complete version of you, the woman God uniquely created you to be.
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  That's why the you step matters so much, because after you've listened, after you've learned, reflected, you pause and you ask yourself What is the next right aligned step for me?
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  What does this look like in my life?
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  Not mine, not my clients, yours.
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  Because you can borrow principles, but you cannot borrow identity.
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  You can learn wisdom, but you have to live your life.
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  Friend, the you step isn't an extra step.
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  It's the most important step because it's the moment you stop following and start leading.
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  Ooh, I know somebody needed to hear that up in through here.
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  And listen, I know that the you step isn't always easy because maybe you've gotten disconnected from yourself.
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  Life got loud And in trying to do all of the things got a little disconnected And that can happen, especially after a disappointment, because I know that so many women have experienced it.
• 17:38
  A relationship a marriage ended, a business didn't work A dream didn't happen the way you imagined, and now without even realizing it, you've made one painful experience your entire identity.
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  You don't trust yourself anymore, not because you're incapable, but because disappointment convinced you that one wrong decision means you'll always choose wrong.
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  Friend, can I lovingly challenge that lie?
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  Because it's an absolute lie, and it's limiting you One bad chapter does not make you a bad author.
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  A failed relationship doesn't mean you're incapable of choosing healthy love.
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  One business setback doesn't mean you're not called for this.
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  One mistake doesn't mean you've lost all your wisdom.
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  It means you're human.
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  Do you know what leaders understand?
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  Leaders don't expect perfection.
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  They expect growth.
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  They don't ask, "Will I ever make another mistake?"
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  They ask, "What can I learn from this one?"
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  Because every lesson becomes wisdom, and wisdom builds self-trust.
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  Failure isn't evidence that you can't lead yourself.
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  It's evidence that you're living, taking action, and growing.
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  Please don't let one painful chapter, or even several, convince you to hand your leadership over to fear, because fear is a terrible CEO Fear will always tell you to stay where it's familiar.
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  Faith will invite you to become who you are meant to be.
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  And I don't know about you, but I'm choosing faith every single time Okay, friend, tomorrow morning you're gonna wake up, brush your teeth, pour your coffee, maybe even reheat it three times.
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  Your calendar is gonna be full.
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  Your kids are going to need you.
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  Your boss is still going to email you.
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  Life isn't suddenly going to get quieter, so don't wait for life to make room for your transformation.
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  Bring your transformation into the life you're already living And that's what the Main Character Momentum Builder helps you do.
• 20:07
  Not someday or when everything slows down, but today in the middle of your real life, because identity isn't built in perfect conditions.
• 20:18
  It's built while the laundry is spinning and the groceries still need to be put away, and you are choosing once again to become the woman you said you wanted to be.
• 20:30
  So grab yours.
• 20:31
  They're linked in the show notes Now listen, you know we not leaving without doing our self-love two-step with the remix.
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  But today I wanna share it with you a little differently because after the conversation we've been having, I hope you'll never hear these steps the same way again.
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  Step one, reclaim your identity.
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  Remember who you are, not who fear told you to be, not who your past convinced you you were, not who disappointment labeled you to be, not who other people's opinions expected you to become.
• 21:12
  Remember who God, source, universe created you to be You are a woman worthy of love, respect, a woman worthy of taking up space, a woman with wisdom already inside of her and capable of making wise decisions.
• 21:30
  Friend, your identity has never been up for a vote.
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  It has always belonged to you Step two, build self-love, not just with affirmations or bubble baths.
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  Build self-love by performing someone you trust.
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  Keep the promise, set the boundary, Have the conversation.
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  Take the walk.
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  Apply for the opportunity.
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  Say no when you mean no.
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  Say yes when your spirit says yes.
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  Self-love isn't just how you feel about yourself, it's how you consistently show up for yourself And then the most important step of all, the you step.
• 22:16
  This is where everything shifts.
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  This is where you stop asking, "What would Letitia do?"
• 22:25
  Please don't ask that.
• 22:27
  I'm pretty sure that's just reserved for my husband when he hears my voice in the back of his head, okay?
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  Instead, ask this question, and it just may be the most important question of all time.
• 22:55
  What would the healthiest, happiest, most whole and complete version of me do?
• 23:03
  Because I'm not trying to create women who think just like me My mission, my purpose, and heart of service is to help you become a woman who trusts herself.
• 23:15
  That's why the you step is the most important step.
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  Because you get still, you get quiet, and you ask yourself, "What is the next right aligned step for me?"
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  And this is where information becomes transformation.
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  It's where inspiration becomes implementation.
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  It's where listening becomes leading.
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  And every single time you choose what aligns with the woman you're becoming, you're strengthening your self-leadership.
• 23:48
  That's the you step.
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  Not about perfection, but practice.
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  Not copying, creating.
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  Not following, leading.
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  Friend, that is where your life changes Now let me pour into you right quick as if I haven't been pouring all episode, okay?
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  And yet right now I really need to speak directly to your heart.
• 24:17
  Friend, I know what it's like to wonder if you're making the right decision, to replay conversations repeatedly in your head, to second-guess yourself, to wonder if you missed something, to ask, five different people what they think, all because
• 24:35
  somehow their opinion feels safer than your own I know what it's like to lose the voices you leaned on, to feel the weight of making decisions without picking up the phone.
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  And if that's where you are today, my heart is with you.
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  And here is one of the greatest lessons I learned.
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  The women who loved me most didn't spend their lives pouring wisdom into me so I could remain dependent on them forever.
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  They poured into me so one day I would trust the woman they already saw and knew I was.
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  Friend, I believe the same is true for you.
• 25:19
  The lessons you've learned, the healing you've done, the tears you've cried, the boundaries you've practiced, the confidence you've been building, None of it has been wasted.
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  God has been preparing you not to have all the answers, but to trust him as he leads you and to trust the wisdom he's been growing inside of you.
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  You don't need to know every step.
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  You just need enough courage to take the next one.
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  Whole time you've been waiting for permission, but maybe, just maybe, this episode was the permission you needed to grant yourself, not because you needed mine But because you needed to remember it was, is, and has always been yours
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  And I wanna leave you with one question.
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  Who is leading your life?
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  Is it fear, your past, comparison, perfectionism, disappointment, everyone else's opinions, or is it you?
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  Because here's what I hope you remember from here on out.
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  You don't need to become the leader of your life.
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  You already are.
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  The only question is, what have you allowed to lead instead?
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  Today, you take your power back.
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  Take your rightful position as the main character in your life.
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  You are the leader in your life.
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  Trust your voice.
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  Honor your intuition.
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  Choose your peace.
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  Walk in your purpose.
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  Lead with love, courage, faith, and most importantly, lead yourself Because friend, the world does not need another woman waiting for permission It needs a woman who trusts herself enough to become everything you have been created to be.
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  And remember, you don't have to become the leader of your life.
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  You simply have to stop outsourcing the leadership that has always belonged to you Ooh, ooh, that was a word.
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  Until next time, keep loving yourself deeply.
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  Keep building boundaries that honor your peace.
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  Keep choosing confidence over fear, and keep becoming the main character of your own beautiful story Because the woman you're becoming, she's already inside.
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  She's just been waiting for you to take the lead.
• 28:12
  And friend, I am so proud of you in this and in all things, because together we can encourage over everything, and I'll see you soon