Latest / Real Talk Real Healing / Ep. 15: Outgrowing Friendships: The Part of Healing Nobody Warns You About

Transcript

Ep. 15: Outgrowing Friendships: The Part of Healing Nobody Warns You About · Real Talk Real Healing

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Hey y'all, this is Desi.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: And this is Lisa.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to our podcast, Real Talk Real Healing, where we support women through their healing journey.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_02: Through raw stories, authentic dialogue, and uncomfortable but very necessary conversations, we explore the full range of emotions, energetic, spirituality, and physical well-being that come with being human.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: We believe in a world filled with filters and service-level messages that healing begins with truth and a little bit of magic.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: Hello and welcome back to another episode, which this episode is going to be part one of two.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: So, this episode, we're going to get into why friendships change when you heal.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: And so this is going to be the first part.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: We're going to talk a little bit about what happens.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: And then the second episode is going to be more about how to navigate these friendships during healing.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: So stay tuned, make sure you're ready for that second one.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: But we are going to dive in.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: And why we think this is really important to talk about is because number one, we've both been through a lot of different friendships and a lot of different healing.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: And we've experienced quite a few things that are, you know, still coming up for us and allowing us to be like, what happened?
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, all about the surrender and trusting and all the things.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: And the reason why healing doesn't really just change ourselves, even though we do it for our own usually personal reason and we see things navigate and ripple effect and we become different people from healing.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: But of course, it does change every single relationship around you as you are on this journey.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: So it is sometimes unexpected when you realize your friendships begin to shift.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: And it can be hard and it also can be exciting.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: And it can also be just something that one of your friendships that are a longtime friendship uh just all of a sudden starts to fall off.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: And you're like, what just happened?
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: I don't even know.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: Because there's no closure, even which both of us have been through that too.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: So we're going to dive in, and Desi's gonna start us off with a couple of things.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_02: So in our early 20s, or even when, you know, in high school, we're choosing friends kind of based on our interests, maybe survival, maybe because we hang out in the same crowd.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_02: Like we're not really choosing friendships based on what it is that, you know, our healed selves, right?
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_02: Like we're not choosing friendships off of, oh gosh, why am I drawing a blank on this, right?
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_02: We're uh wow.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_02: We're not choosing friendships from an aligned place, right?
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_02: We're not choosing friendships based on our goals, on where we want to go in life, right?
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_02: We're just choosing friendships because, hey, you like the same things, I like the same things, we want to go out and party, let's go party, right?
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_02: Like a lot of the friendships that we are building at this time are based on like our things that we're doing in our 20s, which what is most of us doing in our 20s?
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_02: We're like partying till four o'clock in the morning, at least I know I was, and going to work at 8:30 a.m.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_02: and having fun and doing all the things that you cannot now do in your 30s and 40s.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_02: Um, right.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_02: And so you're just having fun and you're like, you know, coming into friendships so easily.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_02: And I think you feel like a lot more, there's a lot less variables to take in consideration in your 20s.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_02: And so I know for me, I had some friendships that were created out of trauma and out of wounds.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_02: And I know have one particular friendship where we were both in very toxic relationships, and so she would be fighting with her boyfriend, and my partner at the time would like not talk to me for like weeks, and so I was like so heartbroken, right?
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_02: And so, and then he her partner would like leave for for the weekend, and so then like I'd go over to her house and we would like hang out and we'd like you know, bash the guys and you know talk about how we're gonna leave and do all these things, and like so that went on for like a lot of years.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_02: Um, she also like at the time, like he her partner had moved out, and I I needed a place to live, and like we lived together, and there was a lot of trauma bonding going on.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_02: And as much as we like really loved each other and like wanted to be friends, like as I changed and I moved and I started my healing journey, like we had stopped talking for a long time because it became possessive.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_02: I know me and uh at Lisa were talking a little bit about that.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_02: It was like I had to do everything with her, and like it was just became a little obsessive, and so like we stopped being friends, and then we started talking back like a couple years later when I was already living in Arizona with uh my now husband.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_02: And as much as we really wanted to be friends, like I had changed a lot, and she was still complaining about the same people, the same situation, saying really she was still with that same partner, so there was a lot of like negativity still going on, and I just I couldn't do it anymore.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_02: And as much as I really wanted to do it, I could no longer do it.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_02: And I had posted something about manifestation is similar to prayer, and that really triggered her because she was like a Christian, and like, how dare I say that?
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_02: And like, so then she was like popping off in my chat about like how you know, whatever she was saying.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know, it's a lot of years ago, and I'm and like she was so offended.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, yeah, but I'm allowed to have my my own experience, and you're allowed to have yours.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_02: Like, why is it a competition, right?
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_02: And so there are friendships.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_02: I'm sure that you know, all the listeners, and I know Lisa has had an experience where we have shared those wounds, right?
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_02: Or we partied a lot with them.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_02: We would go out drinking and we'd have so much fun, and thank God for those friends.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_02: Like I have so many amazing memories with those people and with those people and just having those experiences, and it was so fun to do those things, and we also change, and sometimes those people don't change, right?
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_02: And so maybe there's shared loneliness, maybe there's like a people pleaser where you guys are just trying to make each other happy.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_02: So, like neither of you actually being authentic or truly you, because you guys are just like trying to make each other happy without actually making yourself happy.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_02: And then I think another thing we do is we share to belong, right?
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_02: I just need some kind of friends because like if we go back to the caveman day, right?
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_02: Like if we get shunned from the tribe, we will die, right?
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_02: We need that protection, we need those groups of people, and so we'll just we will like what is the word I want to say?
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_02: We will like um lessen ourselves in order to belong, right?
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_02: Or we'll like not be okay with something somebody is doing, but we'll deal with it because we want to belong.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_02: Like the list can go on and we will sacrifice, that's what I say.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_02: We will sacrifice our own needs, our own self just to be long, just to belong, right?
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_02: And so your younger self wasn't choosing friendships based on alignment, it was really choosing the familiarity and the survival.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_02: And so it makes sense that even if you didn't go on your healing journey, you are gonna grow out of certain friendships.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_02: That's just the natural progression of life.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_02: But I think it could be really challenging.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_02: And this is why, you know, me, Lisa and I are doing a two parts on this because it's such a big conversation.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_02: There's so much to cover.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_02: And it gets harder as we get older to have friendships, right?
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_02: Because our priorities change, our goals change.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_02: And so we really wanna have this conversation that, you know, it's a normal part of the progression, and also like, how can we navigate it better?
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_02: So it doesn't feel like no one loves me, no one likes me.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I know I felt like that in the past.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, where you have those moments where you're just feeling alone and you're just like, what the heck happened?
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: Like, how did I get here?
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, who's even around me anymore?
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: And then again, it's kind of like just understanding, you know, even the decades, right?
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: Like I'm in my 30s, you're in your 40s.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: Now it's like, how can you relate to people now?
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: Or, you know, even just being around certain people that you still have those like memories from, you know, and then just trying to be on the same level or trying to find new common ground can sometimes even be difficult because you're used to maybe having different kinds of conversations.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like, okay, I want to have these conversations, but maybe you're unsure of how the other person's gonna react.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: And you're you don't wanna, you know, again, you're you love this person and you want this person to be in your life, but it's it's kind of like, how do I meet them in this new version of me?
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: And are they going to accept me right as me now?
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: You know, again, it's kind of understanding what happens when why healing really does change your friendships.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: And it's no, you know, it's just more of an awareness.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: It's nothing bad, nothing great, like, you know, something that you go through the healing again, not being like, yes, all my friendships are gonna change after this.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: Like, that is definitely not why we go into healing.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: So reminding you that as you heal, whether it is on a deeper energetic journey that me and Desi have been and life coaching and breath work and all the things, it could be as deep as that, or it could be even like, I really just want to work towards a goal and I really want to change this part of my life.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's just a health, healthy things, right?
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: Like I see fitness people online, or even me before I used to be so into fitness, and it's like you want to stay really healthy, and it's like your friends, you know, want to go out to dinner or want to go out and drink, and you're like, Well, this is gonna mess up my goals.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: So, how do you find a common ground, right?
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: And so it could be so many different things, not just a full-on healing journey, like that maybe me and Desi have been on.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: But what happens when you go through these shifts and your priorities change, right?
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: At the end of the day, that's what it is.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: Your priorities do shift and your goals change.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: So a big thing that can happen is you instead start to crave more peace instead of chaos.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe you find out that one of your friendships, every time you get together with them, it's complaining, it's gossip, it's drama, and like they're kind of pulling at you of like, what's going on?
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: And you're like, I'm great.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: And then it's like, now what are you talking about?
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: You know, and allowing yourself to also have that middle ground with people, which um I can share from experience, you know, with a couple of my friends that they're like my soul sisters and we don't get to see each other very often, but we cheer each other on no matter what phase we're in.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, one of them is going through it right now, and I'm like, girl, I like I'm feeling really fulfilled and really great right now.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, I can support you.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: Like, please call me, please let me know.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I've walked through my other friend, you know, when she's feeling super anxious and she's going through it, she'll call me and be like, I just need you to be ground me right now.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: Like, and it's like you you can be that solid person, like, you know, uh grounding for somebody, for one of your friends, even though you're going through different stages and phases of life.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so another thing that can happen during your healing is that you also may notice when you are speaking your truth and the other person may be a little bit over dramatic or exaggerated in certain things, right?
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: And you're just like, oh, I never realized, you know, these patterns in this person, which again, it's not that it's bad or anything like that.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: You can deem them like, wow, like why are you being like that or anything like that?
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's just being like, I just truly value more honesty.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and maybe they're hiding it a little bit because they want to show off or they want to seem like everything's fine, which totally me.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I used to have the I'm fine mask all the time and never share what I was actually feeling, you know, and especially in friendships, especially in relationships, you know, so many different things that I even at work, I used to be like, I'm great, everything's fine.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: When in the back of my mind, I'm worrying about X, Y, and Z and all the things, and I'm totally not okay, you know?
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: So again, uh, you may be less interested in these types of conversations.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: They might be surface level conversations.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: You may want deeper conversations instead.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: So it's just noticing these subtle shifts that even again, uh not saying that like I can't just be friends with this person anymore because you're noticing these things.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: It's just allowing yourself to explore maybe a different angle on and will uh you know, uh uh conversations, or maybe just getting more open about this per with this person and be like, hey, things are shifting and I would love to talk to you about this.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: How do you feel about this?
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: And we'll we'll talk more about this, of course, in the next episode and how to navigate things.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: But another thing too that can happen because I am totally a recovering people pleaser is that I overgive.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: I say yes.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: I just and and later I'll regret it or like maybe resent the person a little bit, like I was just sharing with Desi.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: Like sometimes I have a couple friends where it's like I always had to go to them.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: And again, nothing's always wrong with that, but it just felt like I was overgiving.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I always had to like expect to go there instead of like meeting in the middle or trying something different.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: Like it was like I and maybe my feelings didn't matter matter at the end of the day, right?
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: Like sometimes that's how you start to feel when you're recognizing these patterns.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: And of course, again, with that, you start to abandon your own self and you start to allow yourself to be uncomfortable to keep other people comfortable.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: So these things are very important to start to recognize um during this time.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_00: And as you become safer within yourself and you work on your nervous system, you work on this shift, maybe it's you know, with your priorities and your goals, what actually feels safe and feels good for you gives you more energy uh versus depletes you really does shift and you start to understand a little bit more of like what you actually need in life and in these friendships.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: And it can be a hard lesson sometimes, right?
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: Did you want to add anything to that?
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I think too, like our values change, right?
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_02: Like as we're healing and as we're getting older, like our values can change and that changes the dynamic of a friendship.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_02: And also, like I you touched on the like you're giving more than receiving.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_02: I think when we come into this more awareness, we give and give without realizing it because we're just unaware.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_02: We're it's an unconscious behavior.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_02: But once we start becoming more conscious of our of our time, of our energy, of like who we are, of how we want to be, it can really start changing the dynamic of friendships, especially when you're starting to grow and when you're starting to shift and change.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_02: And like it doesn't even necessarily have to be like healing, it could be like you got a better job, and like now this job is motivating you to save more because you want to travel more.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_02: And then, you know, friends can get jealous of that kind of stuff.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_02: Like you're succeeding, you're doing better, and then they're like feeling this resentment like, wait a minute, we we were broke asses together, and now you have this money, right?
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_02: Like so, there's like these dynamics that start to change as you grow, and no matter what it is, right?
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_02: Like, like it could be so many different nuances that are happening in our life that start changing the friendships.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, I know for me personally, I'm like, if you're my friend and you're my good friend, you're my friend forever.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, like that's not everybody, not everybody like you know, sees it like that.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_02: And as I've gotten older, I really realized and I'm so grateful for the friendships that have come in seasons.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_02: Like, right then, that's the next thing I know you're gonna touch base on is like, you know, there are friendships that come into season.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_02: And I have a I personally have a really hard time with that because I'm like, I told you all these things, like which was all of connection, like not like things like I don't want anybody else to know, but like I spent time building the friendship.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_02: I spent time with you, I spent my energy speaking to you and telling you my life story and all that kind of stuff.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_02: And so for me it was really hard because I'm like, what do you mean we're not gonna be friends anymore?
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_02: And so last night when I was like pondering like this conversation, because I know it's something we've been wanting to talk about, I started writing down all of my uh like longtime friends.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_02: And so I just wrote down like seven longtime friends that I've had over 20 years.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_02: But as we and you were talking about it this morning, so I uh did long distance with my husband for two years.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_02: I moved from California to Arizona, and I was went on my healing journey while I was living here.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_02: And so I'm like, I wonder if half of those friends would still be my friends if I had started my healing journey there, because a lot of them used to go out and we used to party.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_02: And now when I go to California, like I'll go see them, I'll stay with them, I'll hang out with them, but it's a very short amount of time.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so it's just interesting to think, like, you know, our demographics can change a lot too while we're we're growing and changing.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_02: And so when I was, I think I was out here for like two years um before I started my healing journey, and I couldn't make like any friends, like even when I was like kind of drinking more and stuff like that, like it was so hard to make friends.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and then I had a girlfriend move from California, and then one of my best friends actually moved out here since we've been best friends since junior high.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so we had like this little group, but like even that's changed.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_02: Like two of them have like one of them has a toddler now, the other one has like a five-month-old baby.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_02: Like, right.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_02: That whole group, we were like really close for the last 10 years, and that's changed, and it makes me sad, you know.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_02: Like that's just the reality of it.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_00: And that's normal, that's so normal too, to feel those things and to be like, wow, what just happened?
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I wish I could go back, you know, to those old versions or the old, you know, hangouts and stuff.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_00: But again, you're not you're not honoring where you are at now at this point, right?
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's where we can talk about this next part is is understanding the in-between season, like Desi was just talking about.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: Like, so when you're you're looking back at friendships, and I've definitely been reflecting more on this too lately, where I'm like, you know, I love some of my friends, and and yeah, maybe the last couple of years I've been like a little MIA because I'm I'm working through my own shit, right?
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like, you know, I have my priorities change.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_00: And again, it's like sometimes like I feel like some people don't meet me where I'm at, or vice versa.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sure they're feeling the same way.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: So we have to recognize that even though we want things to never change with our friendships, they are and they do.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: And you do have to like start to realize that whether it's it's you know, gonna survive during this season and kind of trust that piece, you know, and be like, you know what, this person they had my back forever, like, you know, it I sometimes it's just a text away, you know, and we're gonna go into this in the next episode too, about like how to really navigate these.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_00: And I know sometimes like some of my friends are like, uh, like one of my friends actually just texted me yesterday, like, just miss you, you know, and like I know I do I do that too, where I'm like, hey, just thinking of you, you know, even though we don't have the time to see each other or really connect, which is obviously the most fulfilling part of it.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_00: It's really allowing your other friend to feel seen in that moment.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_00: And if some if it pops in your head you think about somebody, just text them for a moment, you know.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_00: We feel so connected because of social media, and it really isn't the full connection that we want anymore, especially as 90s kids and 80s kids.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: Like we were we were used to being in person and going out every Friday and you know, on weeknights and everything, right?
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_00: Like we're so used to that connection where the kids nowadays do not have that, you know.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_00: And it feels like we're still involved in people's lives, but we're really not.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_00: So this in-between season, when you are feeling like maybe you did a big move, like Desi, or maybe you are just like, I'm in this new version of myself, you know, like I'm starting to feel shifts, and I'm like, wow, I want to keep this going.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to sabotage myself and like go out drinking, you know, and eat all these things because I'm feeling really healthy and I want to stay on that path.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_00: Um, maybe you're also um exploring different fitness things or different hobbies, right?
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_00: Like some stuff can be like really hard when you um can't maybe invite or feel uncomfortable inviting some of your like normal friends and being like, oh, maybe I don't know, they think maybe I think I'm weird for like doing this or something, right?
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's those times where you feel like you don't fit anywhere anymore.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe you are exploring the in-between of being like, should I go to this event?
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_00: And like maybe not wanting to go alone per se, and like saying it to somebody, and then maybe they're like, No, but then do you trust yourself to go there alone?
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_00: Uh you know, and then like meet people.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_00: Like I've been doing this lately and getting out of my comfort zone.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_00: And it's been really great because I've been like I went to a dance class um at this studio, it's an adult dance class, and I'm like, I love dancing, like dancing is definitely one of my like medicines, and it's just so fun because I used to love going out to the clubs and dancing my ass off.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and you know, and it's like one of those in-betweens where like I get to still really enjoy myself and not be like pressured into you know being making it more of a performance.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_00: You start to like, you know, drinking and then letting yourself be loose, but like you can just show up as yourself at the studio.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_00: You spend an hour, you sweat your ass off, you have fun listening to old songs, and you're just around a group of people that like can also lift you up.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_00: So you feel more refreshed, you feel more rejuvenated.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_00: And whether it's just you going or bringing a new friend or possibility of meeting a new friend there, that's where like those things really do matter.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I think during this in-between season, just putting yourself out there.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_00: It's really uncomfortable.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_00: And especially even if, and I think also the permission is letting yourself explore things.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and then also not necessarily having to outgrow these old friendships, right?
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_00: Like you're exploring something new, like that should be a mutual conversation with friends, you know, that are are long time and being like, guess what I tried recently?
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_00: And like it was really fun, and like see how the other person reacts.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe they'll want to join you, or maybe later you'll be like, they're like, Oh, didn't you go to that thing?
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I think that'd be really cool.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_00: So sometimes it's allowing that person to meet you where you're at, you know, or or you meet them, you know, those kind of things, exploring different things.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_00: But the in between, it really is about noticing the patterns, noticing where you may be outgrowing, noticing that maybe you don't have these common grounds yet with people and you are looking for that new circle.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_00: And then, of course, unfortunately, when that happens, you may feel like something's wrong with me, and I don't have people around me that are supporting me or into the same things, and like what the hell?
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_00: Like, am I doing something wrong?
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes that could also make you feel so lonely.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_00: But knowing that things are shifting for you, right?
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of just to you and happening to you, and like, what the hell, God, faith, universe, you know, like am I not supposed to have friends?
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_00: What is happening?
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_00: Like everyone's falling away.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: Everyone's not agreeing with what you're saying, and you're just like, what the hell?
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_00: Like, why does this have to be a tough season right now?
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I need these people in my life.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_00: I need this support in person.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's a big thing too, where you know, seeing it happen for somebody else is also going to give you proof that it can happen for you.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_00: So I always look at Desi and me and Desi have been through different friendships, and she has a really close friendship right now.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_00: And they do healing stuff together and they have common grounds and it really supports her.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_00: And obviously Desi's my girl, but but we're on the opposite sides of the world, you know?
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_00: And if we were together, it'd be amazing, but we're not right now, at least.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_00: So it's it's allowing yourself to be like, oh, Desi found, you know, this really cool person in her circle.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_00: And now, like, you know, they get to do really fun things together.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, oh, like I know I'm gonna get there, and I haven't just met that person, or that person, you know, hasn't evolved to like where I am yet, you know, and giving yourself that reminder of that it is gonna happen and just like holding on to that just a little bit more.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_00: But even if you're not who you used to be and you haven't stepped into who you're becoming, you are not alone in feeling this because it is going to happen for you.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_00: And you just have to, you know, trust the process a little bit.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_00: And even if you have to make some social online friends for a little bit and you know, use them as like, you know, like, hey, I just need somebody to talk to right now.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_00: Like I've been in, I'm in a couple of masterminds and a couple of different groups right now, which I'm like really connected with people, and it's so cool to like have that support, even if it is virtual and not in person yet, you know, allowing yourself to be like, oh, well, maybe this could work, and maybe you just needed somebody to like connect with you on a different level and not in person yet, but it'll happen, right?
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_00: It's like allowing yourself to be open to those connections.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, so many good things there.
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_02: We feel like it's wrong to be in those seasons where we don't have friends and when we outgrow other friends, but I'm here to tell you right now, it is not wrong.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_02: It's actually part of the growth, it's part of the evolution, it's part of the change.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_02: And so in the uncomfortable part, how can you surrender to it more and be like, okay, this is where I'm at?
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_02: I'm trusting the process.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_02: You have to trust the process.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_02: And I know that we can like loop into that victim mentality too.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I had a hard time making friends for a while.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_02: Um, like yeah, I had Lisa and I had like other friends like online and things of that sort, but like actually finding friend, like an actual friend that like lines up with like my schedule.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_02: Because most people my age just like having having kids and uh they're in motherhood, right?
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm I'm not in motherhood, I'm not going to be in motherhood.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and so it's like it kind of sounds maybe a little shallow, but it's like when I am meeting people and I am going out, I'm like, okay, well, do you have kids and how if so, how old are they?
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_02: Because like I know that it would be really hard to have a friendship with somebody who has kids because I don't have friends, I don't have kids to be like, oh, let's go have a play date and stuff, right?
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_02: And so we get to be selective.
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_02: We get to be like, hey, like, okay, this is somebody that I can nurture a friendship with, right?
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_02: And I think too, like our friends can get triggered by us too when we're up when we're up leveling.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_02: And I know I kind of mentioned it earlier, but like, for instance, the friend that you just mentioned, I know triggered another friendship that I had, and I don't know what I did or what she did or what happened or whatever.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_02: And um, I uh would like it slowly just started fizzling out, and I was like, even though again, I felt like I would want to be her friend forever because we spent like she was a really good friend in the season, though.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_02: I had just had a falling out.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_02: Something else I want to talk about is like friends and threes.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that can be a little bit hard because there's different dynamics, right?
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_02: So I don't seem to do good in friends of three, and I'm okay with that.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_02: I um accept that uh and I'm sure that will shift for me in the future.
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_02: But I had falling out with some friends, and this other friend had come in perfect timing for my life, perfect timing for her life, and we paddle boarded the shit with each other, like paddleboarded like so much that summer, and it was so healing to my soul, and I needed that, and she needed it.
• 25:57
  SPEAKER_02: She was going through a really bad breakup, and like she needed it, and it really fill filled up our soul so much, and so I have gratitude for that, even though yes, I am sad, and I and like what did I do?
• 26:09
  SPEAKER_02: Because we again we're talking about is uh if you're into human design, I'm a manifesting generator, so is Lisa, but I'm a three five, she's a three-six, and one of the things for my um my energy type is that I'm a mirror for others, and that what that means is that I show other people's the unhealed parts of themselves and their own wounds, and most people don't have the knowledge or the understanding that it's just a mirror of what's in unhealed in them.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_02: So they look at me and think that I'm the issue or that I'm the one triggering it to that.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_02: So there's something wrong with me, and what I don't even know what the thoughts are because like I've never actually been able to sit down with somebody because I have had tried to, like, hey, let's talk about it, but not everybody is mature enough to do that.
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and so I'm reflecting what's unhealed in them, and so then they no longer want to be friends with me, and it and it's hard.
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_02: So hard, it is hard to be that projection for others, and so maybe you can relate with this.
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe there's been a friend that triggered you and actually has nothing to do with that friend, and this is opportunity for you to be like, oh, wait a minute, like, okay, maybe it was something that I was unhealed in myself, and we have a whole podcast on triggers, I don't know what number it is, but um, you should go listen to that episode.
• 27:26
  SPEAKER_02: But you know, so so our people in our lives are projections of us, right?
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_02: And so one of the things that we don't have um in our notes for today was like our energy changes, our vibration changes, right?
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_02: And so if you're not vibrating, your energy is not the same with your friends, you're naturally gonna start like just naturally start growing apart, and that's like part of the part of the many layers that we're working through.
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_02: And so, you know, our nervous system will choose a familiar, like a familiar person, place, or thing because that is what's familiar and not because it's healthy, right?
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_02: So your nervous system doesn't automatically seek what's healthy, it seeks what's familiar.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_02: So healing teaches your body the difference, right?
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_02: And so we might confuse familiar with healthy, predictable with safe, chemistry with cap capability, no, chemistry with compatibility, there we go.
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_02: Chemistry with compatibility and chaos with excitement, right?
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_02: Like when I hang out with that friend, like we would go do some fun stuff or whatever, right?
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_02: And like it was chaos, and we'd both be like so heartbroken and going through all those things, but like that was exciting for me, right?
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_02: And so I think there was like that really popular reel for a while where it's like your nervous system will choose a familiar hell rather than a uh whatever the saying was familiar hell rather than a what was it?
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's I think it's like heaven, like then uh then heaven than your next heaven or something like that.
• 28:57
  SPEAKER_00: Where it's basically saying like you would rather choose the chaos because it's more familiar to you instead of your next version.
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_00: It's like leaning into the the comfortable, even though you hate where you're at.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_00: Right, but it's coming instead of risking and getting uncomfortable because it's outside your comfort zone, but that's where all the possibilities exist.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_00: That's where the unknown is.
• 29:21
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 29:21
  SPEAKER_00: That's what it is.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's the unknown, right?
• 29:23
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_02: And so with friendships, it's not talked about enough.
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_02: The grieving process.
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 29:31
  SPEAKER_02: There is a grieving process just like a relationship.
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_02: If you're romantic with somebody, right?
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_02: There is a grieving process.
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_02: And so that really isn't talked about.
• 29:43
  SPEAKER_02: And I feel like it's been talked about a little bit more recently and stuff.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_02: But when I was like having these like breakups with friends or not really knowing what's happening, like I know I was like feeling like you mourn them, you mourn the relationship, you mourn the connection, right?
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_02: And so, you know, missing people you no longer align with is okay, and it is part of the natural progression.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_02: You know, feeling guilty for pulling away, that's also normal, right?
• 30:07
  SPEAKER_02: Like we're human beings, we don't want to hurt anybody's feelings.
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I didn't want to hurt the friend that I felt like we had grown apart, you know.
• 30:14
  SPEAKER_02: I did feel bad.
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_02: You know, wondering if you're the problem.
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, sometimes we can think that too.
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_02: And maybe we are the problem, and that's okay too, right?
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_02: So sometimes nobody did anything wrong at the end of the day, right?
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_02: You just simply grew apart, you're simply becoming somebody different.
• 30:30
  SPEAKER_02: You know, feeling lonely during the transition transition, like we talked about, is also really normal.
• 30:36
  SPEAKER_02: So don't get caught up in something is wrong with me.
• 30:38
  SPEAKER_02: Don't get caught up in like I'm never gonna have friends again.
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_02: In my experience, you will have to, well, in my own experience, I don't want to like project on anybody else, but I have had to go through like from different people, like friends, right?
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_02: Like, because we change.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_02: We're we're not like that easy 20-year-old where it's like like let's go out and party, let's go get dinner, let's go lunch, like our values have changed, like people have families, our priorities change.
• 31:03
  SPEAKER_02: And so I've really had to, and I wrote down a lot in my journal manifesting like a friend.
• 31:08
  SPEAKER_02: Like my friend now that we travel together, we hang out all the time together, and I love my husband, but he's a homebody, and I am not a homebody.
• 31:16
  SPEAKER_02: And so it's such a perfect relationship, friendship, because my husband's like, Yeah, go have fun, whatever, I'll be here, kind of thing.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and then like I'm going out, I'm being adventurous, I'm doing the things that I love to do, and it's it gets to be fun, and so I don't have to like feel like I'm dragging him along all the time, and you know, that really gives me an opportunity to be in my energy, which is a manifesting generator, which like doing all the things all the time.
• 31:41
  SPEAKER_00: So all the things I think too, like we're when you were talking about that, it also brought up like I I definitely feel guilty sometimes for pulling away or wondering, you know, if I am the problem, like with certain friendships.
• 31:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I had a big friendship breakup, you know, in the last two years.
• 32:01
  SPEAKER_00: And the fact that it was kind of like after a while when we stopped talking, or when we were supposed to kind of try to like kind of get some closure or like talk things through, it just never happened.
• 32:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, well, did I do something wrong?
• 32:17
  SPEAKER_00: Like now I'm confused.
• 32:18
  SPEAKER_00: Did I trigger the person?
• 32:20
  SPEAKER_00: And then it was literally just nothing, and even to this day, just nothing.
• 32:24
  SPEAKER_00: And it's just so wild to think of how things can unfold and how the other person just has a huge different perspective, you know, of things, whether, you know, even if they might have been in the wrong in your eyes, like maybe they're just like, well, you know, screw them.
• 32:40
  SPEAKER_00: And and maybe, and that's one of their things.
• 32:43
  SPEAKER_00: They just cut people off.
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I knew that as being a friend of that person.
• 32:46
  SPEAKER_00: And and I, and of course, in this healing and grieving piece, I'm just like, you know, I feel bad.
• 32:51
  SPEAKER_00: I feel bad sometimes.
• 32:52
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, maybe I should have reached out, or maybe I should have seen if they were okay.
• 32:56
  SPEAKER_00: But again, does this benefit you or not?
• 32:59
  SPEAKER_00: You know, in those moments, and yeah, it can feel lonely and you may be having some a lot of thoughts around it because just like Desi said, like, I'm like, I thought that person was gonna be in my life forever, you know, we experienced big moments together, and I thought they were gonna experience big moments still, like through the rest of my life, and it just isn't the reality now, and it can be really hard.
• 33:23
  SPEAKER_00: And just as a reminder, like you're not alone in those, those kind of examples and those experiences.
• 33:30
  SPEAKER_00: Um, sometimes we're just human.
• 33:31
  SPEAKER_00: And even though it feels like they could be, they should be in your life forever, it it could just be a season.
• 33:38
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, when you start to feel like, wow, it's a little bit of relief on my on my shoulders of like not having to like, you know, again, overgive or do something, or maybe that's part of the the season and part of the lesson is I know I overgave a lot, you know, and again, it wasn't anything wrong or anything like that, and just sometimes it is what it is, and you kind of have to just let it go.
• 34:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 34:03
  unknown: Yeah.
• 34:03
  SPEAKER_02: One of the things that you you brought up, like how she just cut you off.
• 34:07
  SPEAKER_02: I was trying to meet up with who I thought was a friend to have a conversation about some things that went array.
• 34:11
  SPEAKER_02: And like she went to a coffee shop, I went to another coffee shop, and then they're like, Well, it's an eclipse season, we should just like call it.
• 34:18
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, Oh, oh, okay.
• 34:21
  SPEAKER_02: So I guess our friendship is like meant that little to that's what I took away.
• 34:28
  SPEAKER_02: Like, yeah, our friendship meant that little.
• 34:30
  SPEAKER_02: Like, it's an eclipse season, this must not be right.
• 34:31
  SPEAKER_02: So let's just not have a conversation, let's just call it.
• 34:34
  SPEAKER_02: That's not a kind of friend I want to have, you know.
• 34:36
  SPEAKER_02: No, exactly.
• 34:37
  SPEAKER_02: I want to have friends that and I want people in my life that can have the hard conversations because let me tell you, like, my closest friend right now, like, we've had to have hard conversations.
• 34:46
  SPEAKER_02: Like, she's been like, I don't really enjoy this, or I don't like that, or now I'm like, I don't really like X, Y, and Z, right?
• 34:52
  SPEAKER_02: Like we just traveled together and we both did some things that like annoyed each other and stuff, but it's like, but we still love each other and like we can still talk about it and like we can still have the conversation, right?
• 35:02
  SPEAKER_02: And so my biggest thing with friendships and just relationships on general, and something that I learned very early on in when I was in sobriety in my early 20s is keep your motherfucking side of the street clean, like keep your side of the street clean, right?
• 35:17
  SPEAKER_02: So, like when I've had falling out with relate with friendships and stuff like that, like I know that I was showing up in integrity, I was showing up as my highest self and in alignment, like I was showing up as my best self.
• 35:28
  SPEAKER_02: And so yeah, maybe I go unconscious sometimes.
• 35:31
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, that's gonna happen to all of us, but at the end of the day, I knew I wasn't being malicious, I wasn't being mean, I wasn't being hurtful, like that was just never my, you know, that's not who I am anymore.
• 35:42
  SPEAKER_02: And so when these things come up with friendship, it's like, okay, well, I know I was keeping my side of the street street clean.
• 35:48
  SPEAKER_02: And it hurts, right?
• 35:49
  SPEAKER_02: It hurts when people don't want to be friends with us anymore.
• 35:51
  SPEAKER_02: Like that's going to happen.
• 35:53
  SPEAKER_02: But you can fall back on, oh, but I showed up in my highest integrity.
• 35:58
  SPEAKER_02: And so if that's not good enough for you, if that doesn't align for you, or if that's just not what's in the stars, that that's okay too.
• 36:03
  SPEAKER_02: And so I've really been able to fall back on that.
• 36:06
  SPEAKER_02: And it feels really good to be able to fall back on that, like keeping my side of the street clean.
• 36:11
  SPEAKER_02: Like I wasn't being malicious or mean or anything like that.
• 36:13
  SPEAKER_02: I that hasn't always been true for me for sure, especially like in my you know, early 20s and stuff like that, like or throughout my 20s, I should say.
• 36:20
  SPEAKER_02: Um, you know, like I haven't always been that way, right?
• 36:24
  SPEAKER_02: And so keeping your side of the street is clean is just really, really important.
• 36:27
  SPEAKER_02: And so some of the things that I wanted to cover with you guys today is with your inner child, because a lot of our projections of what friendships should be or how they have unfolded from in your life is from your little girl and like how she perceived friendships, right?
• 36:46
  SPEAKER_02: So I just had a client that I did a inner child meditation with, and she moved around a lot.
• 36:53
  SPEAKER_02: Like every couple of years she was moving around, and so she could never actually like get into a friendship, right?
• 36:59
  SPEAKER_02: And so she had this like pick me energy, pick me, pick me.
• 37:02
  SPEAKER_02: I don't want to be alone.
• 37:03
  SPEAKER_02: Like, you know, she got picked on, right?
• 37:04
  SPEAKER_02: And so, you know, it brought up all this stuff for her throughout her life because she just wants to be picked, right?
• 37:10
  SPEAKER_02: And then she's going through like a separation with her partner, and so when I went and took her into this meditation, I took her adult self, her evolved self to every single version.
• 37:22
  SPEAKER_02: I think there's five different versions standing in front of her, and we I was able to have her adult self pick the little girl, pick that part of her, and and we did I choose you today, tomorrow, and forever.
• 37:36
  SPEAKER_02: So we went through all five of them.
• 37:37
  SPEAKER_02: I pick you today, tomorrow, and forever.
• 37:40
  SPEAKER_02: And she was just like her face just started lighting up and she just felt so much lighter.
• 37:45
  SPEAKER_02: You can just see it in her aura and her being, right?
• 37:48
  SPEAKER_02: And it's like, where in your childhood may have somebody backstabbed you, hurt you, cheated on you, or cheated, you know, one of your friends cheated with your partner.
• 37:58
  SPEAKER_02: Like, go back to that little girl and give her the love, give her the attention that she should have received from whatever the situation was and really love her.
• 38:08
  SPEAKER_02: That was gonna be such a big part of you healing your friendships.
• 38:11
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe you keep attracting friends, friends that like aren't good friends, and it's probably coming from some energy from your childhood.
• 38:19
  SPEAKER_02: And so some of the things that you can start asking yourself is was I trying to earn belonging, right?
• 38:26
  SPEAKER_02: Like we talked about early, earlier, like just to belong.
• 38:28
  SPEAKER_02: Am I just trying to belong?
• 38:30
  SPEAKER_02: Did I become the caretaker maybe in the friendship?
• 38:33
  SPEAKER_02: Did I choose people I need to rescue?
• 38:36
  SPEAKER_02: I have definitely done that before.
• 38:38
  SPEAKER_02: Um I think I can help you.
• 38:40
  SPEAKER_02: And some of those friends actually became really good friends.
• 38:43
  SPEAKER_02: It's like, but like, are we trying to be um Captain Save a Ho is some people would call it, right?
• 38:51
  SPEAKER_02: Like we're trying to save everybody, right?
• 38:52
  SPEAKER_02: So that we don't have to deal with our own stuff, right?
• 38:55
  SPEAKER_02: Um am I afraid of being alone so I'm staying?
• 38:59
  SPEAKER_02: And then did I confuse familiarity with safety?
• 39:04
  SPEAKER_02: So start asking yourself a little bit of those questions and and getting contemplative on that.
• 39:09
  SPEAKER_02: Sometimes we're not grieving the relationship, we're grieving the role our inner child had to play inside of it.
• 39:15
  SPEAKER_02: So yeah, asking that little girl next time you're feeling triggered or maybe alone, like, hey, what can I do to what can I do right now to make you feel better, to make you feel safe, to make you feel seen.
• 39:26
  SPEAKER_02: Ask that part of yourself, and I promise she'll have an answer for you.
• 39:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 39:30
  SPEAKER_00: And with that being said, Desi is also doing her inner child program coming up.
• 39:36
  SPEAKER_00: So go ahead, Desi, and share that.
• 39:38
  SPEAKER_00: If you if you really like that conversation, it's definitely something that you should look into and ask Desi about or get some more information, have a call with her because it will definitely let you go deeper of being like, what?
• 39:50
  SPEAKER_00: How old was I when this happened?
• 39:53
  SPEAKER_00: And you can really get to understand that little part of you and go deeper and really heal it from a different lens.
• 40:00
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 40:01
  SPEAKER_02: Well, Inner Child Haven is my signature program where I take you through six different eras from ages zero to 18.
• 40:09
  SPEAKER_02: And so, like the first one is zero to three, which is the innocent one, right?
• 40:13
  SPEAKER_02: It's your infant self to three years old, which yes, I know everybody usually says, I don't remember anything.
• 40:18
  SPEAKER_02: You don't need to because your body remembers, your nervous system remembers, your subconscious remembers.
• 40:24
  SPEAKER_02: So we go back to, you know, that little girl at that age, and we we love her and we hold her and we care for her in the ways that our parents couldn't, and we do that for the six different eras with all the different ages, and really give you guys an understanding of what was developing at that time, what should I I have received from my parents, and then what happens if I don't get those things, and how do they show up as adult patterns?
• 40:47
  SPEAKER_02: Because a lot of the patterns, the survival in the survival that you still may have playing out in your life, or the beliefs that are still running your life come from your childhood.
• 40:56
  SPEAKER_02: So we really meet those parts of yourself to start healing it so that you can stop reacting from a place of insecurity, fear, unworthiness, right?
• 41:05
  SPEAKER_02: And start coming into that loving understanding for yourself so you can start feeling more free, start having more peace, you know, stop blaming everybody else and being the victim.
• 41:16
  SPEAKER_02: I used to do that a lot.
• 41:17
  SPEAKER_02: I was always a victim.
• 41:18
  SPEAKER_02: Of course, this is happening to me.
• 41:20
  SPEAKER_02: And it's like, no, actually, this is happening for me, right?
• 41:22
  SPEAKER_02: And so it's really meeting that little girl in all the different eras.
• 41:25
  SPEAKER_02: And so it's a group coaching coaching program.
• 41:27
  SPEAKER_02: Lisa was in the first round of it.
• 41:28
  SPEAKER_02: So we I have two women in there right now, as of right now.
• 41:31
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm celebrating that.
• 41:33
  SPEAKER_02: And um, yeah, we come together as a group, and so you're not doing this alone.
• 41:38
  SPEAKER_02: And I have a huge emphasis on play, like you're going out and connecting with that little girl through play because yeah, we're healing some heavy stuff, and also when we do it with play, it gets to amplify.
• 41:49
  SPEAKER_02: So you come together in a group of other women that are healing their inner child, and it was really just amplifies so much when we do that.
• 41:57
  SPEAKER_02: So, yeah, I'll put the connection call.
• 41:59
  SPEAKER_02: Actually, I'll put the landing page so you guys can see more information on it, and then you can book a connection call with me.
• 42:05
  SPEAKER_02: And yeah, I'd love to talk to you guys.
• 42:07
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 42:10
  SPEAKER_00: So we will leave you guys with a couple of questions.
• 42:15
  SPEAKER_00: So we went through a lot in this one, and we are going to have a part two, so stay tuned.
• 42:21
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm sure you're enjoying this conversation because again, this is a reminder that you're not alone.
• 42:25
  SPEAKER_00: This is why we did this podcast, you know, and that as a side effect of healing and wanting better for yourself.
• 42:33
  SPEAKER_00: Friendships change, whether they stay or whether they shift, whether they come back or just disappear.
• 42:41
  SPEAKER_00: It happens.
• 42:42
  SPEAKER_00: And it's just understanding and taking a couple moments to reflect on, you know, what what did you why did you start becoming a friend?
• 42:51
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you start to notice it wasn't that survival and it wasn't that common ground that is not you anymore.
• 42:57
  SPEAKER_00: Or, you know, allowing yourself to know now that you just want more peace instead of drama, and you want more people that are less interested in gossip, and you want to stop overgiving and abandoning yourself and then grieving what went away.
• 43:13
  SPEAKER_00: And with a couple of questions, you can also journal on or reflect on.
• 43:18
  SPEAKER_00: So, which friendships help me feel most like myself?
• 43:22
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my god, such a good question.
• 43:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I've been also thinking the same thing.
• 43:28
  SPEAKER_00: Where do I still shrink?
• 43:31
  SPEAKER_00: So again, it's it's understanding like, where am I saying no to myself and yes to other person in the intention of just wanting to keep them comfortable and comfortable, right?
• 43:43
  SPEAKER_00: You're avoiding yourself, you're abandoning yourself in that moment, which is not good.
• 43:46
  SPEAKER_00: So coming back to that question of you know, which friendships allow you to, you know, feel like you feel like most like yourself, and then the opposite of where are the friendships that maybe you feel a little more depleted, you know, and you shrink yourself a little bit more.
• 44:02
  SPEAKER_00: Another question what hell what feels different about you today?
• 44:07
  SPEAKER_00: So who is this evolved version of you?
• 44:09
  SPEAKER_00: You know, allow yourself to maybe write down a couple of values or priorities now, and then allow yourself with the next part is what kind of friendships am I calling in now?
• 44:21
  SPEAKER_00: So I hope those questions are really great reflections and allow you to go a little deeper on this and then stay tuned for the next episode on how to navigate friendships during healing.
• 44:32
  SPEAKER_00: We'll give you some practices, we'll share our own experiences, and so much more of this conversation will unfold.
• 44:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so we're excited to have you back on the podcast and talk more about this.
• 44:42
  SPEAKER_00: And if this does resonate, please reach out and let us know because we love to share what you're going through and go deeper if that is what you enjoy.
• 44:52
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, please share this with somebody if you found it helpful, and we will see you on the next episode.
• 44:57
  SPEAKER_02: Bye, guys.
• 44:58
  SPEAKER_02: Bye.