Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / The pressure to be perfect ❌ Trigger Warning

Transcript

The pressure to be perfect ❌ Trigger Warning · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Apogie production.
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: Trigger warning for today's episode. As we speak about body
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: image and distorted eating. We begin today by acknowledging the
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: traditional custodians of the land on which we gather today
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: and pay our respects to their elders past and present.
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: We extend that respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: people's here today. Welcome to the Grow and Glow Podcast.
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: I'm Ashy, I'm Kiara. This is a podcast where we learn, laugh,
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: and level up together.
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: Let's go deep, let.
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: The emotions flow, and find the lessons to grow and Glow.
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: Nothing is off the table with Grow and Glow, and
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: we're here to be your expander.
• 0:48
  Speaker 3: Hello, guys, Welcome back.
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: Welcome back to Grow and Glow. This episode's all about motherhood.
• 0:54
  Speaker 4: It's the triggering topics around getting your body back and
• 0:57
  Speaker 4: toxic diet culture and just the pressure that motherhoods feel.
• 1:01
  Speaker 4: But we're also going to go into like a little
• 1:03
  Speaker 4: bit about relationships, how we felt around our different pregnancies
• 1:06
  Speaker 4: and burths and like bounce back, I suppose, and just yeah,
• 1:09
  Speaker 4: really get into the nitty gritty of it. Because this
• 1:11
  Speaker 4: came through as a request, but it's something that I
• 1:13
  Speaker 4: don't about you, but I get asked a lot about
• 1:15
  Speaker 4: my social media week to eat as well.
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: It's a lot of pressure on mums, definitely so much
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: pressure and there's a lot to unpack around body image.
• 1:24
  Speaker 4: So if you're a mum and you struggle with that,
• 1:26
  Speaker 4: or you are pregnant, you're struggling with the changes.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: We're going to dive deep into it today and we've
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: got a lot to say. So buckle in, tight, buckle.
• 1:32
  Speaker 3: In tight, Go first is your share?
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: The last share of the week is like kind of
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: related to this.
• 1:39
  Speaker 4: There's actually a stat that I read eighty nine percent
• 1:42
  Speaker 4: of women will say no to activities because of what
• 1:45
  Speaker 4: they look like and how much they dislike their body.
• 1:48
  Speaker 3: Wow.
• 1:49
  Speaker 4: So I just want to remind everyone that your weight
• 1:51
  Speaker 4: and what you look like does not determine your worth.
• 1:53
  Speaker 4: So stop letting it ruin. You have incredible moments and
• 1:57
  Speaker 4: memories with the people that you love. Because when I
• 1:59
  Speaker 4: read this, I picture most mums at the side of
• 2:01
  Speaker 4: a swimming pool and not jumping into that swimming with
• 2:03
  Speaker 4: their kids because there's so embarrassed with their body, or
• 2:06
  Speaker 4: they're not proud of their body, or they just dislike
• 2:08
  Speaker 4: their body, but they're missing out on all those beautiful
• 2:10
  Speaker 4: moments like Mummy.
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: Come on the poor mummy, come on the beach. So true.
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: It's so sad. Eighty nine percent of women.
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: That's a high percentage rates and wow, really really sad.
• 2:20
  Speaker 4: So I'm glad that I spoke about that now because
• 2:22
  Speaker 4: I hope that all this information and our perspectives and
• 2:25
  Speaker 4: learnings around this topic will really help. This episode is
• 2:28
  Speaker 4: going to be amazing.
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: Yay, what's your share of the week.
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: My Share of the Week was actually recommended by one
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: of you guys, so thank you so much.
• 2:35
  Speaker 3: So on one of the.
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: Podcast episodes, I recommended my Georgia Olmari see perfume.
• 2:41
  Speaker 3: Oh yes, And I had a.
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: Girl message me and she's like, I need to tell
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: you about this website and I was like, oh, okay,
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: so it's called error. I think that's how you say it,
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: so it's a RR And she's like it has dupes
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: of perfumes. But she was like they're incredible, and I
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: was like, how do they last? Like are they actually
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: that good? She's like, literally, the smells so similar. Put
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: on last all day. I got the perfume. Thank you girl,
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: thank you.
• 3:09
  Speaker 3: So the Georgia.
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: Omani one's like two hundred and selling dollars and these
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: are like thirty dollars, thirty six bucks, And I was
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: just like wow, and it's like the exactcent.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: There you go. Yes, I sell those, we do.
• 3:24
  Speaker 4: We've got the black Opium. Why I sell one? We've
• 3:26
  Speaker 4: got like quite a few now.
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't have the sprays that we've got body
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: Miss sprays.
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: We've got perfumes. Now, you have perfumes as well as
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: perfume juice.
• 3:34
  Speaker 3: I don't own one perfume.
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: I don't have one.
• 3:37
  Speaker 4: Yeah, oh there you go. Yeah, so you know how
• 3:39
  Speaker 4: we've got the black sugar like bodycaster. We've got the
• 3:41
  Speaker 4: du perfume of the black opium.
• 3:43
  Speaker 3: By waysell, I've never even smelled one or seen one.
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: You love it?
• 3:47
  Speaker 3: Well, I'm intrigued, Oh my god.
• 3:49
  Speaker 4: Yes, play and a lot cheaper than normal perfume. And yeah,
• 3:51
  Speaker 4: perfumes last a lot longer than body Miss sprays. Like
• 3:54
  Speaker 4: the body Miss sprays I like for a little like
• 3:56
  Speaker 4: after I've got gone to the gym or quickly dumping
• 3:58
  Speaker 4: into the shops. But the perfume will last a lot longer.
• 4:01
  Speaker 4: And yeah, we've only had them for a couple months now.
• 4:02
  Speaker 4: But they have literally we've restocked them I think three
• 4:05
  Speaker 4: four times. They've flown off the shelves. Wow, Like I
• 4:08
  Speaker 4: damn's a crazy one in the back, Like we can't
• 4:10
  Speaker 4: keep up with the demand.
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: That's crazy, because yeah, I've got the body Miss Spray,
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: and I've used that I did not even know.
• 4:15
  Speaker 4: Had an inquiry for like a massive Australian wholesale that
• 4:18
  Speaker 4: wants to stock them as well. They're just they're really
• 4:20
  Speaker 4: cooled them in a beautiful like black sleep bottle.
• 4:22
  Speaker 3: There you go. You don't spend two hundred dollars. Guys
• 4:25
  Speaker 3: out there, I feel.
• 4:26
  Speaker 4: Like mixed about this whole Dukee culture thing. I think
• 4:29
  Speaker 4: it's so cool, like awesome because not with the cost
• 4:32
  Speaker 4: of living, not everyone can afford the high end makeup
• 4:35
  Speaker 4: and the high end perfumes and the high end bags
• 4:38
  Speaker 4: or whatever. But then I also have sometimes a little
• 4:40
  Speaker 4: bit of guilt of like all the original creators and designers.
• 4:44
  Speaker 4: But I just think in this day and age, like, yeah,
• 4:46
  Speaker 4: the cost of living is so expensive. You can spend
• 4:48
  Speaker 4: two hundred dollars and a perfume or thirty dollars in
• 4:50
  Speaker 4: a perfume, most of us will want to put the
• 4:52
  Speaker 4: rest of that money towards food, yeah, and paying the bills.
• 4:54
  Speaker 4: So I'm all for it.
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, love it all? Right, where do we start?
• 5:01
  Speaker 4: The pressure to bounce back is a real I think
• 5:06
  Speaker 4: social media has really contributed to this so much because
• 5:10
  Speaker 4: a lot of people are not showing their body immediately
• 5:12
  Speaker 4: after giving birth. Like I remember when I gave birth
• 5:14
  Speaker 4: to Tagh and Steve said to me, come blacily, did
• 5:18
  Speaker 4: not make this mistake again.
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: He was like, oh, you still look pregnant.
• 5:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: I was like, yes, I do.
• 5:24
  Speaker 4: Every body's body is going to respond so differently to pregnancy.
• 5:30
  Speaker 4: It depends so much on your genetics. It depends so
• 5:32
  Speaker 4: much on what you were eating, your fitness level before, during,
• 5:34
  Speaker 4: and after. It also depends on the type of birth
• 5:36
  Speaker 4: that you had. It depends if you had ab separation,
• 5:39
  Speaker 4: and then also your capacity and your energy post birth.
• 5:42
  Speaker 4: If you have a really callicky baby, things are going
• 5:45
  Speaker 4: to be a lot harder. You're going to be a
• 5:46
  Speaker 4: lot more sleep deprived, and you're probably not going to
• 5:48
  Speaker 4: have as much energy as someone who has a super cruisy,
• 5:51
  Speaker 4: chill baby to go on your walks every day. There's
• 5:53
  Speaker 4: so many factors that you have to take into consideration.
• 5:57
  Speaker 4: Before you put that pressure on yourself to bounce back.
• 6:01
  Speaker 4: And yes, society has played a role in social media,
• 6:03
  Speaker 4: but at the end of the day, like we get
• 6:05
  Speaker 4: of the information that we take in, we get a
• 6:07
  Speaker 4: choice of how we speak to our body and the
• 6:10
  Speaker 4: expectations we have on ourselves. So be super hyper aware
• 6:13
  Speaker 4: of where we're putting the blame and just be kind
• 6:15
  Speaker 4: to yourself.
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: Like you've literally.
• 6:16
  Speaker 4: Grown a baby for nine months, You've grown every organ,
• 6:20
  Speaker 4: every bone, every ligament. Like it's expected for your body
• 6:22
  Speaker 4: to change and it might not ever go back to
• 6:25
  Speaker 4: being the same. That's something we do have to come
• 6:27
  Speaker 4: acceptance in and I always say too with a body image,
• 6:30
  Speaker 4: sometimes you might not love the body that you're in,
• 6:34
  Speaker 4: but the in between is body acceptance and body appreciations.
• 6:38
  Speaker 4: If you are hating what you physically look like right now,
• 6:41
  Speaker 4: totally valid. If it's new, it's unknown. But let's just
• 6:44
  Speaker 4: take a step instead of leaping over to like, oh
• 6:46
  Speaker 4: I love my body and saying these affirmations that you
• 6:48
  Speaker 4: really don't believe, which is understandable, just come to body acceptance.
• 6:52
  Speaker 4: This is where I'm at right now. I just gave
• 6:53
  Speaker 4: birth to a baby, and body appreciation I just grew
• 6:57
  Speaker 4: a baby. I'm feeding my child, Like, look what my
• 7:00
  Speaker 4: body has done.
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: That's incredible.
• 7:01
  Speaker 4: Some of them don't get that privilege, don't get that
• 7:03
  Speaker 4: honor to be able to carry a baby. So really
• 7:06
  Speaker 4: trying to like shift your perspectives on the whole journey
• 7:09
  Speaker 4: and experience.
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: I'm going to call myself out here. I feel like
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: I was a part.
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: Of that body back culture.
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: And it's because back in the days, especially when I
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: first had Lincoln, I feel like there was a lot
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: of other people having babies similar time, and I feel
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: like I did put pressure on myself. I put so
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: much pressure on myself post birth and I showed the
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: highlight reels post birth with Lincoln. I feel like I
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: really did show and my body did bounce back.
• 7:36
  Speaker 3: Was it healthy though?
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: I don't feel like it was healthy the way that
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: I did things back then. I didn't eat. I feel
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: like enough for trying to feed a new baby.
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: Because you were worried about your body.
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: I was worried about my body, and that's why you
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: didn't eat as much. Well, I didn't not eat as much.
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: I ate the same as I did beforehand, but I
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: felt like I should have been eating more. I feel
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: like I should have been eating.
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: Not because of the pressure you felt of weight gain.
• 8:00
  Speaker 3: I think it was so many different reasons.
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: I think that it was because you had a new baby,
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: and you're just like, and everything's happening, your breastfeeding, and
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: you're seeing all the weight dropping. You're like, oh, this
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: is nice. You're wanting to fit back into your fucking clothes.
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: I'm like, I just want to wear a pair of shorts.
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: I remember thinking to myself, like, I just want to
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: be able to wear a pair of shorts. With Reagan,
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: I feel like I showed it all. I showed me
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: with my stomach still being out here afterwards, and I
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: told myself it's kind of like a little internal thing
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: that I've never really shared before, but I told myself
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: after especially Lincoln, because I feel like I really was
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: a presence online at that time. And I reflect back
• 8:35
  Speaker 2: on that, and I do feel shame around the way
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: that I showed my body because I don't believe it
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: was the healthiest way that I could have been doing things.
• 8:45
  Speaker 2: I feel like the way reflecting now that I did
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: things with Reagan.
• 8:49
  Speaker 3: I was really intuitive.
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: I ate whatever I wanted to eat, I listened to
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: my body. I had so much more pressure. I had
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: three kids, were renovating the house, and I was so
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: much happier.
• 8:59
  Speaker 3: I was so much more content.
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: My body took a lot longer to change, but I
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: didn't give a fuck because I feel like between link
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: and between Reagan, I gained that body acceptance and I knew,
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: like I've done this twice before, I know I'll get
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: her back one day.
• 9:15
  Speaker 3: So I feel like there wasn't so much pressure.
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: But I feel like, first time baby, you might agree
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: your body does change fairly quickly. Second time baby, I
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: feel like it takes a little bit longer to shift,
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: and then third time I felt like it took longer again.
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: But yeah, I feel like with Linky, I feel like
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: I wasn't kind to myself and I feel like I
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: was digesting the wrong people on mine. At the time,
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: I feel like I was watching other people who were
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: having children that were super lean, and they were doing
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: things I wasn't doing. They were working out really hard,
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: they were doing this, they were doing that.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: But you're still comparing.
• 9:43
  Speaker 3: Definitely, I was still comparing.
• 9:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, So I remember at that time really like watching
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: them and being like, oh shit, well they're bouncing back
• 9:50
  Speaker 2: like they're doing that, and they would actually even share
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: meals that they ate and I would eat similar diet,
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: but I was like, now, looking back, I'm like, I
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: think I needed way more food. Yes, yeah, if you're breastfeeding,
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: hat totally, but they were at the time too. So
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: it does go to show how much of an impact
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: it can have on your experience with the people that
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: you were following. So just such a nice reminder to
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: follow people who are more aligned with even how your
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: body is changing as well and a healthy way of living.
• 10:18
  Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, there definitely is a lot of toxic
• 10:20
  Speaker 4: diet culture. It is hard being a girl online. It's
• 10:23
  Speaker 4: hard having that pressure and everyone's showing the highlight reel
• 10:27
  Speaker 4: because then you do expect yourself to be that, and
• 10:30
  Speaker 4: you want to be that. You know, you want to
• 10:31
  Speaker 4: feel in shape, you want to feel confident, and it
• 10:34
  Speaker 4: is hard to accept the changes. I remember feeling like
• 10:37
  Speaker 4: that with taj. I've always had a very healthy, fit lifestyle,
• 10:41
  Speaker 4: so my body did respond pretty well.
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: But during out my pregnantc there, I remember there'd be
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: media articles of like.
• 10:46
  Speaker 4: She's starving herself because she's so skinny one week, and
• 10:48
  Speaker 4: the next week it was like, oh, she's gained. So
• 10:50
  Speaker 4: she's announced she's gained fifteen kilos like someone healthy for
• 10:53
  Speaker 4: the baby, and the same thing happened post baby. It
• 10:56
  Speaker 4: was like, you know, look at a disgusting, flabby tummy
• 10:59
  Speaker 4: and then while she's taking diet pills to like lose
• 11:03
  Speaker 4: the weight, and I'm like what it was just like
• 11:07
  Speaker 4: so much pressure from the outside world. I was like,
• 11:09
  Speaker 4: let me just do me. Yeah, Like I didn't put
• 11:12
  Speaker 4: pressure on myself to get back in shape. I really
• 11:15
  Speaker 4: missed training so hard just for my mental health because
• 11:18
  Speaker 4: I thoroughly enjoy going to the gym. I missed not
• 11:21
  Speaker 4: being able to go as hard as what I used to,
• 11:23
  Speaker 4: and I found that harder to take a step back.
• 11:26
  Speaker 4: But I just remember being so freaking hungry and.
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: I would eat so much. But I was just dropping.
• 11:31
  Speaker 4: Weight like pretty quickly. I think because when you breastfeed
• 11:33
  Speaker 4: two me in metabolism so much quicker. And because I
• 11:36
  Speaker 4: trained for so many years and I trained up to
• 11:38
  Speaker 4: thirty nine weeks pregnant with taj, I was lucky that
• 11:40
  Speaker 4: I could. I think my body just turned through the energy.
• 11:44
  Speaker 4: So I had a really good experience with that. And
• 11:45
  Speaker 4: then it was a six and a half year gap
• 11:48
  Speaker 4: between Taj and Tala, and yeah, I've just got so
• 11:50
  Speaker 4: much love and respect for my body and appreciation for
• 11:53
  Speaker 4: what it does. So when I gave birth to Taala,
• 11:55
  Speaker 4: I remember touched to that to me, how long does
• 11:57
  Speaker 4: it take for you not to look pregnant? But I
• 11:59
  Speaker 4: just giggled because I was like, I'm not sure, honey,
• 12:02
  Speaker 4: I don't know how long it's going to take. And
• 12:03
  Speaker 4: this is my second baby. But I wasn't even focused
• 12:06
  Speaker 4: on what I looked like. I was focused on, like,
• 12:09
  Speaker 4: what's the best foods for me in my breast milk,
• 12:13
  Speaker 4: what's going to help me nourish and heal from the inside,
• 12:16
  Speaker 4: because even from the outside, if I look a certain way,
• 12:18
  Speaker 4: like internally, your body goes through so much.
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: And I really switched my focus to be like, yeah,
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: what's actually important? What do I value?
• 12:25
  Speaker 4: And that's health, and that's energy, and that's being around
• 12:27
  Speaker 4: for my kids. So that was my more focus, and naturally,
• 12:30
  Speaker 4: the body just followed. Definitely took way longer second time round, Yeah,
• 12:33
  Speaker 4: for sure. So I'm guessing third time because your body
• 12:36
  Speaker 4: it's separated again, it's like it's a lot more healing,
• 12:38
  Speaker 4: it's a lot it's quite traumatic for your body to
• 12:40
  Speaker 4: go through. Like, yes, it's beautiful, but it's a lot
• 12:42
  Speaker 4: for your body to go through. But yeah, I just
• 12:46
  Speaker 4: want to really chat about today and remind you that
• 12:49
  Speaker 4: you just can't compare your body to someone else's, even
• 12:52
  Speaker 4: like you know, my body to yours. I'm very tall,
• 12:55
  Speaker 4: I have a long torso, so like we look just
• 12:57
  Speaker 4: completely different. Your fitness background is completely different to my
• 13:00
  Speaker 4: finness background. Your pregnancy, you were bleeding all the time,
• 13:03
  Speaker 4: you had no energy to rest. Here I am in
• 13:07
  Speaker 4: the gym lifting, you know, just as what I was prior.
• 13:11
  Speaker 4: So my body coped really well and functioned really well,
• 13:14
  Speaker 4: and then it took longer. With Tala, I definitely didn't
• 13:16
  Speaker 4: get as much sleep. I didn't have as much energy
• 13:17
  Speaker 4: as my first pregnancy. It's just all so different. So
• 13:20
  Speaker 4: next time you compare yourself to this big influencer that's
• 13:23
  Speaker 4: you know, bounced back a day later, just like, know
• 13:26
  Speaker 4: that your journey looks different and that's okay.
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: I bet it all as well.
• 13:30
  Speaker 4: With Tala, I showed like days after five days after
• 13:33
  Speaker 4: wearing the big knack easy.
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: And I want to show like, yes, I still look pregnant.
• 13:38
  Speaker 4: Yeah, look how soft and squishy is and even now,
• 13:40
  Speaker 4: like when I stand, it's fine, but when I sit down,
• 13:42
  Speaker 4: like my stomach is so wrinkly, like from the skin
• 13:46
  Speaker 4: being so stretched. And they say after after thirty you
• 13:48
  Speaker 4: lose elasticity. Yeah, Like, when I sit down it looks
• 13:52
  Speaker 4: like I'm trying to think of what it looks like.
• 13:55
  Speaker 4: It's just so crinkled and wrinkling, and I don't think
• 13:58
  Speaker 4: they will ever go away, and that I definitely was
• 14:01
  Speaker 4: a bit confronted with when I first remember first sitting
• 14:03
  Speaker 4: down and seeing I was like, oh, because when your
• 14:05
  Speaker 4: stand and you can't tell. And at first I was like, oh,
• 14:09
  Speaker 4: oh shit, Okay, I don't love that, But I had
• 14:12
  Speaker 4: that internal conversation You're like, you don't have to love it,
• 14:14
  Speaker 4: but you can accept it and you can appreciate that
• 14:17
  Speaker 4: it brought you a little girl. And I take one
• 14:19
  Speaker 4: look at her, I'm.
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: Like, she was worth it.
• 14:21
  Speaker 4: I would do that ten times over to have these wrinkles. Definitely,
• 14:24
  Speaker 4: it's just like changing the perception, changing your mindset, and
• 14:27
  Speaker 4: focusing on what you can control. Also, it's quite dangerous
• 14:31
  Speaker 4: if you go right hard into smashing and bashing your
• 14:34
  Speaker 4: body again before you've been checked internally by a physio,
• 14:37
  Speaker 4: Like what if you have ab separation or your public
• 14:39
  Speaker 4: flaws not strong, You're putting all this pressure on yourself
• 14:42
  Speaker 4: to go and exercise and go hard again, and then
• 14:44
  Speaker 4: you do damage that's done for life. Yeah, Or you
• 14:47
  Speaker 4: go on a diet but you're breastfeeding, you need at
• 14:49
  Speaker 4: least five hundred calories more than what you normally would
• 14:51
  Speaker 4: if you won't breastfeeding. You need to eat enough. You
• 14:54
  Speaker 4: need a lot of carbohydrates, You need so many healthy
• 14:56
  Speaker 4: fats to produce beautiful breast milk. This isn't the time
• 14:59
  Speaker 4: or the season to be going on a diet. That
• 15:01
  Speaker 4: time will come later on if you want to do that,
• 15:04
  Speaker 4: But right now, it's about nurturing your baby, nurturing your body,
• 15:07
  Speaker 4: and mentally getting in a really good space where you
• 15:09
  Speaker 4: have a healthy relationship with your food that you're eating,
• 15:13
  Speaker 4: your body and your mindset. Yeah, that's like the foundation
• 15:16
  Speaker 4: for everything everything else will flow and follow.
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and even before how you said like you can't
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: compare to other people one hundred percent, but also like
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: you can't compare with yourself. Like actually will often hear
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: me say, like when we're talking about sizes and stuff
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: and like, I don't look how I did three years ago.
• 15:30
  Speaker 3: I don't.
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: I was so tiny and so thin. Even after having Lincoln,
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: I was in a completely different mindset. Now I just
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: eat what I want, Whereas back then, I feel like
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: I was restrictive. I wanted to look a certain way
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: and I wanted to look a specific way. Now I
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: embrace my curves. I love having a bum. I love
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: feeling more And like Kurt as well. He's like my
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: biggest cheerleader. He just always tells me so many positive
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: affirmations about my body. Because I will try on clothes
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: now from when I had Lincoln, maybe five years ago,
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: and I'm.
• 16:01
  Speaker 3: Like, they don't fit the same.
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: And it can be triggering at times, even sometimes with
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: active weight with Ashy, Yeah, like I will get size
• 16:07
  Speaker 2: of that and I'm like, oh, I used to always
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: be small, and I'm like these are digging in.
• 16:12
  Speaker 3: I don't feel confident and.
• 16:13
  Speaker 4: Just you eve and flow like sometimes you need to
• 16:15
  Speaker 4: go back to a smalltimes I send you're an extra
• 16:17
  Speaker 4: small like it's that's it. Yeah, it changes your hate
• 16:20
  Speaker 4: yourself in those moments you're just like, oh, can you
• 16:21
  Speaker 4: send me a meetum like or not?
• 16:23
  Speaker 3: Now one hundred percent.
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: But yeah, I feel like for a really long time
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: I held so much worth.
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: In the way that I looked definitely.
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: In my appearance and having fucking abs pretty well showing.
• 16:35
  Speaker 3: But I'll just stick thin.
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel so much healthier now, Like, I feel
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: so much better.
• 16:40
  Speaker 4: And you know what that glows? Like the least interesting
• 16:43
  Speaker 4: thing about you is your abs. I don't know what, No,
• 16:48
  Speaker 4: you know what's so sexy? People think you are sexy
• 16:50
  Speaker 4: when you're lean and got abs and you've got no
• 16:52
  Speaker 4: body fat and like toned and perky, but with no
• 16:55
  Speaker 4: say like, no, what's sexy is confidence. Yeah, it's you
• 16:58
  Speaker 4: being your authentic self. It's you honoring yourself.
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: It's you having.
• 17:01
  Speaker 4: This bright, healthy glow that has come from looking after
• 17:04
  Speaker 4: your body and speaking kindly to yourself. You can see
• 17:07
  Speaker 4: within someone if they love themselves and as if you
• 17:10
  Speaker 4: ever look at someone's abs, right, Like, I don't ever
• 17:12
  Speaker 4: look at someone and think that makes them less worthy
• 17:15
  Speaker 4: or less nice or less cool.
• 17:17
  Speaker 3: Not now.
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: But I feel like back in the day, I used
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: to be like, oh, like gosh, like.
• 17:22
  Speaker 4: You could admire it, but I didn't. You wouldn't think
• 17:24
  Speaker 4: that makes them more worthy? No, not now yeah, yeah, no.
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: Way, it's the least part about you. No, I'm so
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: much happier and so much more confident, Isn't that crazy?
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: I feel like I had like literal like abs back
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: in the day and I was secure, so insecure me too,
• 17:40
  Speaker 2: And now I'm like, yeah, I feel like so healthy.
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: I feel like I feed my body, like I'm fueling it,
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: like I give it way more nutritional food as well,
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: Like back in the day it was like veggie might wraps,
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: and like now I'm like veggies and meats and like
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: all the good stuff. But yeah, it's just the relationship
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: with my body is definitely evolved and changed over the years,
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: and it's okay to be in those seasons, but it's
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: acknowledging it and being like, okay, how can I shift
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: from being there to now getting to that point of
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: acceptance as well?
• 18:07
  Speaker 4: And you know what too, Like it's also okay Like
• 18:09
  Speaker 4: back in the day, I was very focused on my
• 18:11
  Speaker 4: health and fitness, and I had a Bikini Body Challenge
• 18:13
  Speaker 4: and I had an ab app and ad programs and
• 18:16
  Speaker 4: for that season, I really loved it. Yeah, Like there's
• 18:18
  Speaker 4: nothing wrong in a healthy way to be focusing on
• 18:21
  Speaker 4: your health and fitness and to pushing your bodies to
• 18:22
  Speaker 4: the limits and to see how far you can go
• 18:25
  Speaker 4: and what it feels like.
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: But it works until it doesn't work.
• 18:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: It feels good until it doesn't feel good. Yeah.
• 18:30
  Speaker 4: And I tell you what, Like my whole mindset shifted
• 18:32
  Speaker 4: after I had tarj of Like it does not matter
• 18:35
  Speaker 4: what it looks like anymore. It matters how I feel
• 18:37
  Speaker 4: about my body, and it matters to appreciate what it's done.
• 18:40
  Speaker 4: And since then, like even now, like training for me,
• 18:43
  Speaker 4: it's not I don't go to the gym to get
• 18:45
  Speaker 4: a perky ass, Like, yes, that's amazing. If it happens, it's.
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: A good result. Yeah, go there.
• 18:50
  Speaker 4: But it's literally for my mental health because it helps
• 18:52
  Speaker 4: me feel good. When I feel good, I shine bright.
• 18:55
  Speaker 4: When I shine bright, I can help more people.
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: And that's my.
• 18:57
  Speaker 4: Purpose here is to help other women feel amazing. So
• 19:00
  Speaker 4: I have to leave with example, and that comes so
• 19:02
  Speaker 4: natural for me now and I'm the same me and you,
• 19:04
  Speaker 4: Like we eat what we want whenever we want, we
• 19:06
  Speaker 4: enjoy it. It's like soul food going out for dinners
• 19:08
  Speaker 4: and connection, Like there's so much more to life than
• 19:11
  Speaker 4: calories and macros. Food is a source of nourishment. It's
• 19:14
  Speaker 4: also a source of enjoyment and connection and memories. Like
• 19:18
  Speaker 4: you literally see me light up when I talk about it.
• 19:20
  Speaker 4: I'm like, oh, isn't it so funny that like now
• 19:23
  Speaker 4: as well? And I feel more confident myself and everything.
• 19:25
  Speaker 4: I go to the gym more than I have for
• 19:27
  Speaker 4: a long time.
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: I love yourself.
• 19:28
  Speaker 3: That's why I know I do. I love myself so much.
• 19:31
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it's great, so good, that's why. But when you
• 19:34
  Speaker 4: love your and respect your body, you want to do
• 19:36
  Speaker 4: what's good for it, which is a nice healthy balance
• 19:39
  Speaker 4: of going to him for a couple of weeks. It's
• 19:40
  Speaker 4: going just for walks on your cycle, like it's honoring
• 19:43
  Speaker 4: your body. That's respect for yourself.
• 19:45
  Speaker 3: So true.
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: It's so freaking cool.
• 19:47
  Speaker 4: But yeah, I don't want anyone listening to this spoon
• 19:49
  Speaker 4: if you're in that season where you're you know, at
• 19:52
  Speaker 4: the moment, thought makes his partners doing bodybuilding, and it's
• 19:54
  Speaker 4: really cool to see the amount of discipline he has
• 19:56
  Speaker 4: to go through that and how hard he's worked and
• 19:59
  Speaker 4: you know, tracing back since he's fifteen.
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: He showed me photos of.
• 20:01
  Speaker 4: Him like admiring Arnold, like he's always loved the sport.
• 20:04
  Speaker 4: Like you're in a season right now where you're loving
• 20:06
  Speaker 4: having to sit back and you're working really hard and
• 20:09
  Speaker 4: that's awesome too. But this topic was more.
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: Around the bums as well. For me personally, it was
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: more about like the time and place. It's not like
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: two weeks later, like yeah, I want to get back
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: in those genes.
• 20:19
  Speaker 4: It's like, give yourself grace girl, the bounce back pressure
• 20:22
  Speaker 4: online and like always, like you said, like be really
• 20:26
  Speaker 4: mindful of who you're following and what they're posting. If
• 20:29
  Speaker 4: it's not aligning and it's not feeling good for you,
• 20:31
  Speaker 4: don't judge them. That might feel really good for them. Yeah,
• 20:33
  Speaker 4: what feels good for you, and you have that choice.
• 20:35
  Speaker 4: I really dislike when people blame other accounts for where
• 20:41
  Speaker 4: they're at. That's your trigger, that's your work. But it's like, oh,
• 20:44
  Speaker 4: they influenced me to buy this or do this or
• 20:46
  Speaker 4: eat this. It's like, no, they didn't. They shared their
• 20:49
  Speaker 4: life and what's feel good for them. You made a
• 20:50
  Speaker 4: decision that that's what you want to try. It's so
• 20:53
  Speaker 4: much blame on other people and other mums and it's
• 20:55
  Speaker 4: like no, no, no, this is our work. No one else's
• 20:58
  Speaker 4: responsibility for where we're at and how we feel except
• 21:01
  Speaker 4: for us, and taking radical responsibility is so important out.
• 21:05
  Speaker 4: That's a really important point as well, is after you
• 21:08
  Speaker 4: have a baby to get checked and not just externally
• 21:10
  Speaker 4: because they can check your ab separation externally by like
• 21:13
  Speaker 4: feeling around your tummy and check your pelvic floor strength,
• 21:15
  Speaker 4: but finding a woman's viseo that will check you internally
• 21:18
  Speaker 4: as well and actually see how long you can hold
• 21:20
  Speaker 4: your pee for and see if there's any internal damage
• 21:24
  Speaker 4: or tearing or whatever, because then they will be able
• 21:26
  Speaker 4: to say what's safe and not safe for you exercise wise,
• 21:29
  Speaker 4: and what you can do to help strengthen that, because
• 21:31
  Speaker 4: if you don't do that and you jump straight into
• 21:33
  Speaker 4: going back to hip classes, you could do damage to
• 21:36
  Speaker 4: your powervic floor that's really hard to correct. I took
• 21:40
  Speaker 4: it so slow with Tyler intentionally, yeah, so slow, Like
• 21:45
  Speaker 4: I remember for my first walk, I literally went for
• 21:47
  Speaker 4: like ten minutes around the block. And I wanted to
• 21:49
  Speaker 4: go so slow because I knew for me, a healthy
• 21:51
  Speaker 4: act of living lifestyle is something I want to have
• 21:53
  Speaker 4: with the rest of my life, not just quickly to
• 21:55
  Speaker 4: get back in shape. No, and if I don't take
• 21:57
  Speaker 4: it slow and don't let everything heal. That's what I'm risking.
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: But isn't it nice not having pressure to you, like
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: being in your mum, Like the only thing you need
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: to focus on is you and the baby.
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: Skin to skin. Yeah, yeah, love flowing.
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: Just even your hormones and that they're so out of
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: balance and just connecting with yourself, connecting with your baby.
• 22:16
  Speaker 4: And yeah, the hormones, that's a good point, Like they're
• 22:19
  Speaker 4: trying to rebalance out. So if you go and add
• 22:21
  Speaker 4: intense stress and pressure around exercise and food and like
• 22:25
  Speaker 4: expectations and I've got to get back in shape, like,
• 22:27
  Speaker 4: that's not going to help your hormones rebalance either. It
• 22:30
  Speaker 4: is a time to go within that fourth train mester.
• 22:32
  Speaker 4: Like back in the day, like women didn't even get
• 22:34
  Speaker 4: out of bed. They had the community and their village
• 22:36
  Speaker 4: and their family come in and grab the baby and
• 22:38
  Speaker 4: take the baby while you slept and produce more milk.
• 22:41
  Speaker 4: Because if you're not resting in your stress, you're not
• 22:43
  Speaker 4: producing enough milk. So the whole family and tribe are
• 22:46
  Speaker 4: bringing up this baby with the mum, but their fourth
• 22:47
  Speaker 4: train mester, like in the Chinese and Japanese culture, they
• 22:50
  Speaker 4: literally stay in bed for twelve weeks. Everyone around them
• 22:53
  Speaker 4: is doing absolutely everything for them so that their body
• 22:55
  Speaker 4: can fully heal. And I think that's so beautiful. Yeah,
• 22:58
  Speaker 4: and it's not what we have in today's society, and
• 23:00
  Speaker 4: it's not what a lot of us can do or
• 23:02
  Speaker 4: can afford to do. But wherever you can slow down
• 23:05
  Speaker 4: and just enjoy that time.
• 23:06
  Speaker 3: Definitely, it grows by so quick.
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, so fast, doesn't it.
• 23:10
  Speaker 4: While we're on the topic of motherhood, I thought we
• 23:12
  Speaker 4: could also tap into some other topics that.
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: I feel arise.
• 23:17
  Speaker 4: And I feel like something that's really prominent on social
• 23:20
  Speaker 4: media is which I'm all for here celebrating the dads.
• 23:22
  Speaker 4: But don't you feel like dads are celebrated and like
• 23:25
  Speaker 4: praised when they look after the kids, and like comments
• 23:28
  Speaker 4: that I hear from other women, especially when I go
• 23:30
  Speaker 4: away for work or just like a chip away.
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: You're so lucky Steve has the kids. Oh is he babysitting?
• 23:35
  Speaker 4: It's like, no, they're his children as well a dad.
• 23:39
  Speaker 4: But when moms have to do it all the time,
• 23:42
  Speaker 4: they don't get praised, they don't get this gold star.
• 23:45
  Speaker 4: But where has that dynamic like came from I think
• 23:48
  Speaker 4: it's old traditional gender roles of like men going to work,
• 23:51
  Speaker 4: women's staying. But these days, I think it's really cool
• 23:54
  Speaker 4: that it's not fifty to fifty anymore. I think we're
• 23:57
  Speaker 4: all doing too much because of the cost of living,
• 24:00
  Speaker 4: which is really sad for a lot of women. I
• 24:02
  Speaker 4: had a friend that gave birth recently, and she's like,
• 24:04
  Speaker 4: I'm pretty sure I have to go back to work
• 24:06
  Speaker 4: at four months because we can't afford for me not to.
• 24:10
  Speaker 4: And that's absolutely like breaking her because she's like, I
• 24:12
  Speaker 4: would love at least the whole first year with my baby,
• 24:15
  Speaker 4: but it's not fifty to fifty anymore. Like dads are
• 24:17
  Speaker 4: stepping in and helping so much more. And sometimes it's
• 24:21
  Speaker 4: eighty twenty, sometimes it's seventy thirty. And this is a
• 24:23
  Speaker 4: dance that Steve and I always talk about. It's like
• 24:25
  Speaker 4: we check in. Sometimes I'll come home and I'm like, Babe,
• 24:28
  Speaker 4: I'm at like a ten today, I'm ready to tap out,
• 24:31
  Speaker 4: and he's like, cool, I've got this, Like I'm full
• 24:33
  Speaker 4: of beans today. I can cook the dinner like you
• 24:35
  Speaker 4: go around the couch and vice versa. And I think
• 24:37
  Speaker 4: it's really nice and relationships can do that, dance together
• 24:40
  Speaker 4: and support each other.
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: Through their ebbs and flows.
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and I think too, we should celebrate everyone. Yeah,
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: I think like, yeah, we should celebrate them men and
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: be like, well do but also we need to give
• 24:49
  Speaker 2: that same celebration to women and be.
• 24:51
  Speaker 3: Like, how's you're killing it? You're doing amazing.
• 24:52
  Speaker 2: Look at how much you're juggling. Look we've donete my gosh,
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: you cooked dinner, holy like put on you.
• 24:58
  Speaker 4: Hard is to cook dinner with a koala toddler bear
• 25:00
  Speaker 4: in your It's so hard. You're worried about Bernie and
• 25:03
  Speaker 4: they won't get down there. If you put them down
• 25:04
  Speaker 4: to stif something, they scream.
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: It's hard.
• 25:06
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 25:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah, But just celebrating everyone and we're all doing the
• 25:09
  Speaker 2: best we can, and I feel like we all need
• 25:11
  Speaker 2: to be acknowledged more for all the.
• 25:14
  Speaker 3: Things that we're doing. It's amazing.
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: Everyone is amazing.
• 25:19
  Speaker 4: So another thing that I wanted to chat on quickly,
• 25:20
  Speaker 4: and I think we've slightly covered it maybe in our
• 25:23
  Speaker 4: mum Q and A one which we did a couple
• 25:25
  Speaker 4: of weeks ago, which if you are a mum, go
• 25:26
  Speaker 4: listen to that was a really good episode. It's just
• 25:28
  Speaker 4: the comparison around kids, this is really prominent. I get
• 25:32
  Speaker 4: dams all the time, like, oh, even the other day
• 25:34
  Speaker 4: it was like, oh my gosh, I have a daughter
• 25:36
  Speaker 4: the same age as Tala. I could see she's using
• 25:38
  Speaker 4: utensils like mother girl won't grab them like you know
• 25:41
  Speaker 4: when to Tala start. And I was like, chill, it's
• 25:44
  Speaker 4: so fine if your daughter's not using utensils, like they
• 25:46
  Speaker 4: all grow and develop at different rates. It doesn't matter
• 25:49
  Speaker 4: at the speed of that. And I'm so glad I've
• 25:51
  Speaker 4: never fallen into that pressure because for Taj, there was
• 25:54
  Speaker 4: like five of us that had kids around the same time,
• 25:56
  Speaker 4: and he was the last to do everything. He was
• 25:58
  Speaker 4: like the last to talk, the last to walk, the
• 26:00
  Speaker 4: last to use utensils, the last week potty trained, last
• 26:03
  Speaker 4: to not wear nappies, the last give up his bottles.
• 26:05
  Speaker 4: And I did not care one bit because I just
• 26:08
  Speaker 4: was like, I'm going to do what's right for him.
• 26:10
  Speaker 4: I don't want there being any negative experience around these transitions.
• 26:13
  Speaker 4: Whenever he feels ready, I'll lean into that. And it
• 26:15
  Speaker 4: was just such a smooth, nice process. He told me
• 26:18
  Speaker 4: when he wanted to give up bottles. Literally, I remember
• 26:20
  Speaker 4: the day no more bot a big boy, and from
• 26:23
  Speaker 4: then on he never had it. When sucking his thumb,
• 26:25
  Speaker 4: it was like literally overnight, he's never sucked as some
• 26:27
  Speaker 4: since when he was ready, Like toilet training took us
• 26:30
  Speaker 4: a couple of days.
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: Because he was ready. Yeah.
• 26:32
  Speaker 4: So just because you see someone online getting babies out
• 26:35
  Speaker 4: of their cots at fifteen months into a big bed, like,
• 26:38
  Speaker 4: if that feels right for them, cool, But if your
• 26:40
  Speaker 4: kid stays in a cot till three, that's also cool.
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: Like stop comparing. It doesn't have to look or be
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: a certain way.
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And every single one of our kids has been
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: so different, Like I feel like Miller and Lincoln were
• 26:50
  Speaker 2: both specifically Miller took a long time to learn to swim, yeah,
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: without a vest confidently and now like she's an amazing swimmer.
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: And then Reagan she was like swimming like two like fish,
• 26:59
  Speaker 2: like a fish. And then toilet training, Miller was incredible,
• 27:02
  Speaker 2: she was like not even too and fully toilet trained.
• 27:05
  Speaker 2: And then Reagan like she has struggled, Like she's been
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: the one that's been a bit later. So it just
• 27:10
  Speaker 2: changes each time. But I feel like personally, for myself,
• 27:13
  Speaker 2: I definitely did go through times of comparison. I went
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: through times of especially other kids around me, I'm like,
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: oh shit, like their kids sitting, mine's not sitting yet.
• 27:21
  Speaker 2: I did have that self talk of being like, am
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: I not doing enough? Like it was more on myself,
• 27:25
  Speaker 2: not on the child. It's more, Yeah, it was more like,
• 27:28
  Speaker 2: am I not doing this enough? But I'm not doing
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: that enough? Like you know, is it because of this?
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: Is it because of that? So there was definitely a
• 27:34
  Speaker 2: lot of self blame. Yeah, And then after obviously having
• 27:38
  Speaker 2: a second kid, it's like no, because then this one's
• 27:40
  Speaker 2: done that after like before everyone else, and then that
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: one's done this, so you start to know is very
• 27:44
  Speaker 2: individual for every single child. But definitely first time becoming
• 27:47
  Speaker 2: a mum, I did. I remember being like, oh shit,
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: am I not doing this right? Am I not capable
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: of like giving her everything? And that's something like I
• 27:54
  Speaker 2: speak about a lot with her cleft. Even when I
• 27:56
  Speaker 2: foundut my pregnancy she was going to have one, I'm like,
• 27:59
  Speaker 2: can I be the mum to give her everything that
• 28:01
  Speaker 2: she needs? And now like hell yeah, But at the
• 28:03
  Speaker 2: time the doubt. I remember the doubt. I was like
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: can I do that?
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: And it's so capable?
• 28:08
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, you were such a young mum too, like
• 28:10
  Speaker 4: I probably was exposed to other mums maybe not putting
• 28:13
  Speaker 4: pressure on their kids as well.
• 28:14
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and I had no friends that had kids or anything.
• 28:17
  Speaker 2: Ye.
• 28:17
  Speaker 4: Yeah, so it's very easy to get like influenced by
• 28:20
  Speaker 4: outside noise. Yeah, and can care and just not be
• 28:22
  Speaker 4: so sure of yourself, I suppose. Yeah, But that's just
• 28:25
  Speaker 4: something I wanted to bring up because even then they
• 28:28
  Speaker 4: like nappies. If they are still in nappies at three
• 28:30
  Speaker 4: or four or whatever, when they get to ten, no
• 28:33
  Speaker 4: one cares what age your kid was in nappies. It's
• 28:35
  Speaker 4: like breastfeeding.
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: You don't look at an adult and be like, oh
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: she was breastfed, Oh my god, it must have been
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: a bottlefeed, Like, you don't know. You don't care now.
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: It doesn't define your worth or how smart you are
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: or anything like that.
• 28:47
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 28:47
  Speaker 4: You just do the best that you can and know
• 28:49
  Speaker 4: that you're doing the best that you can. And every
• 28:51
  Speaker 4: kid's so different. It's so cool that you can always
• 28:52
  Speaker 4: talk about how different it has been because you've had
• 28:54
  Speaker 4: three kids.
• 28:55
  Speaker 3: It's so different every experience.
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: And I look at myself with Miller, and I hold
• 28:58
  Speaker 2: so much compassion for myself.
• 29:00
  Speaker 3: I feel like I was just felt like I just
• 29:03
  Speaker 3: wasn't capable.
• 29:04
  Speaker 2: And then I like, look with Reagan and I was
• 29:05
  Speaker 2: like I was so sure of myself.
• 29:07
  Speaker 4: So nice.
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that progression and growth.
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think you just learned that everyone half knows
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: what they're doing, but half doesn't. I think you think
• 29:16
  Speaker 2: everyone knows everything and they're like doing it perfectly, and
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: then you're like everyone's just kind of half guessing.
• 29:22
  Speaker 3: Try that doesn't like gate, let's just try this.
• 29:24
  Speaker 4: Or even as mums, we have strength and confidence in
• 29:27
  Speaker 4: different areas of motherhood. Yes, you know, something I'm really
• 29:31
  Speaker 4: really good at, you might feel a bit more like,
• 29:32
  Speaker 4: oh I'm not sure and other things. You know, even
• 29:35
  Speaker 4: sleep training, like I feel like me and you're pretty
• 29:37
  Speaker 4: confident that whereas I've had friends and it's just.
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: Like, oh, like I don't know what to do, Like
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: help me.
• 29:41
  Speaker 4: Everyone's got strengths And like say with Taj and I
• 29:44
  Speaker 4: was like everything pure everything mash like I was so
• 29:47
  Speaker 4: nervous and scared and now flip side, I'm like Tyler
• 29:49
  Speaker 4: has literally everything that we eat more confident.
• 29:53
  Speaker 3: So confidence grows.
• 29:55
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it really does. With experience, with knowledge, with confidence
• 29:58
  Speaker 4: within yourself, with trusting as well, just trusting and backing
• 30:01
  Speaker 4: yourself and trusting and backing your partner. Yeah, I remember, Oh,
• 30:06
  Speaker 4: I remember with Taj I was so snappy at Steve,
• 30:08
  Speaker 4: even though like obviously I didn't know what I was
• 30:11
  Speaker 4: doing either, but I felt like he could do no right,
• 30:14
  Speaker 4: like everything he did, like most men are definitely slower
• 30:17
  Speaker 4: at like changing nap, you're getting them dressed.
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: I would just get so frustrated.
• 30:20
  Speaker 4: And it's been so different with Tyler, hence why we've
• 30:23
  Speaker 4: had such a beautiful experience with her. But I remember
• 30:26
  Speaker 4: just being like, oh, I'll just do it and take over,
• 30:28
  Speaker 4: or like, oh, you're not cooking it right, we haven't
• 30:30
  Speaker 4: mashed it enough, and like literally boss and tell him
• 30:32
  Speaker 4: what to do. And I look back, I'm like, who
• 30:35
  Speaker 4: do you think you are?
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: Like that poor man?
• 30:39
  Speaker 4: And no wonder he kind of like lost confidence, yeah,
• 30:41
  Speaker 4: or even step back and didn't want to help as much,
• 30:43
  Speaker 4: because it's like when every time I can fucking try
• 30:45
  Speaker 4: and help, you're down my throat. So I now we're
• 30:48
  Speaker 4: looking back, I'm like, no wonder you pull back and
• 30:51
  Speaker 4: didn't be as hands on as what I would have
• 30:53
  Speaker 4: liked you to been, because every time you tried it
• 30:55
  Speaker 4: was down your throat. So it was so cool to
• 30:57
  Speaker 4: go through that experience. We've obviously talked a lot about
• 30:59
  Speaker 4: it coming into Tala. It was just like I just
• 31:01
  Speaker 4: let him do whatever he wants, so we talk about
• 31:03
  Speaker 4: what we feel is good. But I would never correct
• 31:05
  Speaker 4: him on how he dresses her or how long he
• 31:08
  Speaker 4: takes to do a nappy or anything like that. Like
• 31:10
  Speaker 4: he's the best he can. The kids are alive, they're happy,
• 31:13
  Speaker 4: they're smiling. Cool, you know, just take that pressure off
• 31:17
  Speaker 4: to do things a certain way or be perfect with everything.
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yucky.
• 31:22
  Speaker 3: We were actually quite lucky.
• 31:23
  Speaker 2: I feel like in the way now reflecting back with Miller,
• 31:26
  Speaker 2: we didn't have a choice. It was teamwork from day off.
• 31:28
  Speaker 2: So when I was pumping k was changing her nappy,
• 31:31
  Speaker 2: and then when I was pumping the other boob or
• 31:34
  Speaker 2: doing this, he was feeding on the bottle because we
• 31:35
  Speaker 2: had to do the expressing. So it was kind of
• 31:38
  Speaker 2: like nice in that way now, because I was always like,
• 31:40
  Speaker 2: oh I was so this or so that.
• 31:41
  Speaker 3: Now I'm like, oh no, I.
• 31:42
  Speaker 2: Can see this silver I can see why that was
• 31:44
  Speaker 2: naturally like from watching him so confident.
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and he's had this dad.
• 31:47
  Speaker 4: That showed him the way and like showed him how
• 31:49
  Speaker 4: to be amazing dad. So I think it was more
• 31:50
  Speaker 4: natural for Kurt to even just stand. It's for a
• 31:53
  Speaker 4: lot of dads, like they haven't been showing that he
• 31:55
  Speaker 4: had really hard upbringings.
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: I've had dads that.
• 31:57
  Speaker 4: Have told them to be quiet and like not express
• 31:59
  Speaker 4: emotions and you know, really put into a corner.
• 32:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so I've told ashes, but I've never said on
• 32:05
  Speaker 2: the podcast, but like growing up, Kurt's dad was just
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: so hands on, Like he literally got up in the
• 32:10
  Speaker 2: night and did.
• 32:10
  Speaker 3: All the feeds so Depp could sleep.
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: And you can literally see it. And now him as
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: the grandpa amazing, it's still just his hands off.
• 32:16
  Speaker 3: He's amazing.
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: He's so good. But yeah, that's yeah, you can see
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: where Kak.
• 32:19
  Speaker 3: Gets it from.
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's incredible.
• 32:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so cool, good role model.
• 32:22
  Speaker 4: Yeah, Okay, something else that I saw in the forum
• 32:25
  Speaker 4: that I thought was really really interesting, and it was
• 32:27
  Speaker 4: just I can't remember the exact comment, but it was
• 32:29
  Speaker 4: basically a post about how tired and shit she feels.
• 32:33
  Speaker 4: But it was almost like worded in a way that
• 32:35
  Speaker 4: like that's just what moms have to feel. It was
• 32:38
  Speaker 4: like really normalized and I got a little bit like
• 32:41
  Speaker 4: upset by that because I was like, no, it does
• 32:44
  Speaker 4: not have to feel like that. But if she's making
• 32:46
  Speaker 4: that her truth, that's going to be her truth, that's
• 32:48
  Speaker 4: going to be her reality.
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: Like we get to create her own reality.
• 32:51
  Speaker 4: And yes, there's times where it's exhausting and it's really
• 32:54
  Speaker 4: hard and really overwhelming, but it should not be the
• 32:57
  Speaker 4: norm or expected for moms to just always feel like
• 33:00
  Speaker 4: shit for the rest of their lives now that they've
• 33:01
  Speaker 4: become a mom.
• 33:02
  Speaker 3: No way.
• 33:04
  Speaker 2: But I guess it's really situational, you know, like with Kurt,
• 33:07
  Speaker 2: like working six days a week, having Miller trying to
• 33:10
  Speaker 2: pump bottle feed clean and being at home with her,
• 33:13
  Speaker 2: Like fuck, that first year of her life was pretty
• 33:16
  Speaker 2: fucking exhausting for sure, And I couldn't see the light
• 33:18
  Speaker 2: at the end of the tunnel. So I can kind
• 33:20
  Speaker 2: of relate in a way and see, you know. But
• 33:21
  Speaker 2: then again, it's always in hindsight, like you work through
• 33:24
  Speaker 2: it and you're like, oh my gosh, Like they do
• 33:25
  Speaker 2: grow up, they do learn to do things for themselves,
• 33:27
  Speaker 2: they do learn to you know, And I'm.
• 33:29
  Speaker 4: Sure in that I feel like you're the type of
• 33:31
  Speaker 4: person even through that you would have still found joy
• 33:33
  Speaker 4: in your days and enjoy with your kids and enjoy
• 33:35
  Speaker 4: with your partner. But this comment was kind of normalizing
• 33:38
  Speaker 4: that we just always feel shit. No, And it's like,
• 33:40
  Speaker 4: even if you're exhausted and tied, there's still joyful moments,
• 33:43
  Speaker 4: you know, with your baby.
• 33:44
  Speaker 3: I think the secret is slowing down, yeah, yeah, being
• 33:47
  Speaker 3: more present.
• 33:48
  Speaker 4: I think it's mindset too. I think like you get
• 33:51
  Speaker 4: to decide how you view something.
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Like you.
• 33:55
  Speaker 4: Could view this as the shittest, hardest fucking day, like
• 33:58
  Speaker 4: and like really use that language and energy behind it.
• 34:00
  Speaker 4: Or you could be like, today is really tough, but
• 34:03
  Speaker 4: I'm gonna go on the sunshine and I'm gonna do this,
• 34:05
  Speaker 4: or like I know this is gonna last for ever
• 34:07
  Speaker 4: and I'm so grateful to have this baby in my arms.
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: I've dreamt of having a daylight this.
• 34:11
  Speaker 4: You know, so many other mums would die to be
• 34:13
  Speaker 4: in my position, and like the different energies behind that.
• 34:16
  Speaker 4: And it's not to say that you can't talk about
• 34:18
  Speaker 4: having a hard day.
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: We all do it.
• 34:20
  Speaker 4: But I just don't want mothers to think, even if
• 34:23
  Speaker 4: you're pregnant right now, for that to scare you if
• 34:25
  Speaker 4: someone reads them and goes, oh my gosh, what it's
• 34:27
  Speaker 4: going to feel shit for the rest of my life
• 34:28
  Speaker 4: because these mum's on here been like, Yeah, that's just
• 34:31
  Speaker 4: the way it is.
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: It doesn't have to be like that forever.
• 34:33
  Speaker 4: Yeah, you can have a hard day, but it's not
• 34:35
  Speaker 4: a hard life. You can have a rough patch, not
• 34:37
  Speaker 4: a rough life. There'll be ebbs and flows throughout it.
• 34:40
  Speaker 4: But if you can try to practice finding the silver
• 34:42
  Speaker 4: lining and finding those joyful moments, even if they're split
• 34:45
  Speaker 4: seconds where your baby like gazes at you, you know,
• 34:48
  Speaker 4: find those moments through it, it will make life a
• 34:51
  Speaker 4: lot more enjoyable. And that is a choice.
• 34:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and even seeing how you can change things up,
• 34:55
  Speaker 2: you know, are you needing extra rest? Are you trying
• 34:57
  Speaker 2: to rest where you can? Is there anyone that you
• 34:59
  Speaker 2: can lean on? Are you being too afraid to reach
• 35:01
  Speaker 2: out for help? Like if there's someone that you can
• 35:02
  Speaker 2: be like, hey, I feel like if you're at that
• 35:04
  Speaker 2: point and you feel like that, like, is there anything
• 35:06
  Speaker 2: that you can do rather than being like this is
• 35:09
  Speaker 2: accepting and like this is how it has to be.
• 35:11
  Speaker 3: What can I do to get out of this?
• 35:13
  Speaker 4: You know, definitely, and a lot of moms I think
• 35:15
  Speaker 4: really struggle to reach out help because guilt and also
• 35:17
  Speaker 4: like I don't want to leave my baby with anyone else,
• 35:19
  Speaker 4: and like there's lots to unpack behind all of that
• 35:22
  Speaker 4: as well.
• 35:22
  Speaker 2: But even if someone comes and clean your house, like
• 35:24
  Speaker 2: even if they're not watching the baby, like just to
• 35:27
  Speaker 2: help out it cooked dinner, dropped, dinner over like holy,
• 35:29
  Speaker 2: like those are things I just help life changing.
• 35:32
  Speaker 4: Yes, and leaning on your friends with other babies as well,
• 35:35
  Speaker 4: like doing things together, Like even if it's like going
• 35:37
  Speaker 4: around to your friends coming around and you're both cooking
• 35:40
  Speaker 4: dinner together together that night, maybe that experience that normally
• 35:43
  Speaker 4: feels hard and annoying, make it joyful. Pop music on together,
• 35:46
  Speaker 4: get in the kitchen together, like put the kids down
• 35:47
  Speaker 4: for a nap together, make it fun. Like there's different
• 35:50
  Speaker 4: ways that we can find joy.
• 35:51
  Speaker 2: Even getting out for a walk with a baby, Oh
• 35:53
  Speaker 2: my gosh, so good, like change it to get out
• 35:56
  Speaker 2: yeah the sunshine.
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah so yeah.
• 35:58
  Speaker 4: The person who wrote that, I hope you're listening, and
• 36:00
  Speaker 4: I hope any other mums who read that and got scared.
• 36:03
  Speaker 4: It doesn't have to be your reality. You can change
• 36:06
  Speaker 4: the narrative by changing the way you look at things
• 36:08
  Speaker 4: and see things.
• 36:09
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 36:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm reading a book at the moment, the one
• 36:11
  Speaker 2: that I shared to you the other day, almost shared
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: my stories.
• 36:13
  Speaker 3: Other day and actually as happy one. Yeah, it's like
• 36:15
  Speaker 3: you can be happy no matter what.
• 36:16
  Speaker 4: To get that.
• 36:17
  Speaker 2: It's all about mindset, so exactly what you're saying. And
• 36:19
  Speaker 2: basically we are the thinker of every thought, and every
• 36:22
  Speaker 2: thought we think creates a feeling, but only we have
• 36:25
  Speaker 2: control over what we think. So it's been consciously aware
• 36:29
  Speaker 2: and rewiring your brain to be able to be happier
• 36:32
  Speaker 2: and in a happier state of mind.
• 36:34
  Speaker 4: So what you think becomes what you feel, and then
• 36:37
  Speaker 4: those feelings become an action. Yeah, in your physical body,
• 36:40
  Speaker 4: in your reality. It's like this triple connection. That's it
• 36:44
  Speaker 4: so cool. Yeah, oh, thanks so much for joining us. Guys,
• 36:47
  Speaker 4: really hope this was insightful and helpful. And we know
• 36:50
  Speaker 4: motherhood can be scary and daunting, especially first time around.
• 36:54
  Speaker 3: Yeah, definitely can.
• 36:55
  Speaker 4: Watching your body change and your life change and losing
• 36:58
  Speaker 4: your freedom and adapting to being fully responsible for this
• 37:02
  Speaker 4: little human and the different challenges you go through and
• 37:04
  Speaker 4: the different like dynamics in your relationship, it's a lot.
• 37:08
  Speaker 3: It is a lot.
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: Really is a lot. But you've got this. Believe in yourself.
• 37:12
  Speaker 4: Slow down, take some time to just like breathe, communicate well,
• 37:17
  Speaker 4: reach out for support, know that you're not alone, and
• 37:20
  Speaker 4: take care of you.
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: PS.
• 37:22
  Speaker 2: Can we not normalize confusing someone's free time with their availability?
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I love that. I read that the
• 37:29
  Speaker 1: other day too, So good, so good. PS. The magic
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: you are looking for is in the work that you're avoiding. Yeah,
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: I love that one.
• 37:38
  Speaker 3: I'm that one too.
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 37:39
  Speaker 4: The spark, the outcome, the goal, whatever it is, it's
• 37:43
  Speaker 4: right in front of you, but you've got to do
• 37:45
  Speaker 4: the work to get there. Yeah, anything worthwhile, it never
• 37:47
  Speaker 4: comes easy. Yeah, thank you, Thanks, thanks for joining us.
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: Share it around. If you know another mum or pregnant
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: friend that you think we'll get a lot out of.
• 37:56
  Speaker 4: This episode, click that little follow button so you don't
• 37:58
  Speaker 4: miss any of our future episodes. We upload every Monday,
• 38:01
  Speaker 4: every Wednesday, and then we have a little Psycho bree
• 38:05
  Speaker 4: recap short version of a previous episode like Highlight almost
• 38:09
  Speaker 4: on a Friday. So when your ears three times a
• 38:11
  Speaker 4: week now, which is really really cool.
• 38:12
  Speaker 3: We'll see you guys next time.