Latest / Dr. Derek H. Suite MD - The SuiteSpot / How You Stand Under Pressure 7/7: Who You Are When Nothing Is Urgent

Transcript

How You Stand Under Pressure 7/7: Who You Are When Nothing Is Urgent · Dr. Derek H. Suite MD - The SuiteSpot

• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: So, I want to thank you, beautiful soul.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: I want to thank you so much for joining me this week on the journey we've been on.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: We've been on an incredible journey, haven't we?
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: Here in the sweet spot, we've been doing a dance with a topic called How You Stand Under Pressure.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: This is our final episode, our seventh episode, entitled Who You Are When Nothing Is Urgent.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: I'll rephrase that.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: Who are you when nothing is urgent?
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: Slow down Sunday.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: Good morning.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: Good afternoon.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: And good evening.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: I don't care where this finds you, I don't care what the time is, it's always the right time to be in the sweet spot, isn't it?
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: So let me introduce myself.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: I know many of you already know me, and sometimes I feel a little odd saying I'm a board-certified psychiatrist because that's just such a small part of who I am.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I do work with people who live under pressure.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: I work with athletes, high performers, leaders, caregivers, first responders, and people who quietly carry more than most will ever see.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: And like you, I've learned that sometimes the most important thing you can do is step back far enough to see yourself differently.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: So that's why every Sunday on the sweet spot, if you notice the pattern of our sweet spots, we go deeper into the astrophysics.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: We go into something a little bit broader, uh, something about the universe, so that we can place ourselves in the vast expanse of what's happening to understand what a tiny speck we are in this massively large universe or multi-universe in which we find ourselves, so that we can have perspective and recognize that we are miracles, that we even exist in this vast expanse, right?
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: So by the end of this week, you have done some real work with me on this title that we've taken together, this How You Stand Under Pressure.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: Let me review with you what you've accomplished so far this week.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: On Monday, you've stabilized your stance so that panic doesn't decide for you.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: That was Making Moves Monday.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: Tuesday, you learned to sequence.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: You learned how to sequence action instead of just going for speed in your outcomes.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: You paid attention to sequencing.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: On Wednesday, when it all Wednesday, you protected belief over confidence, realizing that confidence could shake, but your beliefs, they can stand and withstand the pressure.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, on Trust Yourself Thursday, we rebuilt trust without needing to have certainty.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: Friday.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: Finish strong Friday.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: You endured fatigue without letting it rewrite your identity.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: And yesterday, self-care, self-care Saturday, you softened, you chilled, you relaxed, you let go.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: Not because you quit, but because you and I talked about how rest can restore our bandwidth, and that rest is a part of our strength, not something we do to regain strength.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: So, what we haven't done yet, beautiful souls, is this we we haven't taken a step back far enough to see where does this all sit?
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: Like, how does this all fit in the big vast universe where we are, right?
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: So, where I am right now, it's snowing.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: I have the great fireplace, I'm looking at a good fireplace, I'm looking at the snow outside, it's kind of cool, but maybe where you are, it's completely sunny.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: Completely sunny, there's no snow.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: You know, one of the things that just bugs me out is how we can make so many decisions about perspective based on what we're looking at.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: So I've been really thinking about this.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes when I look up my window and it's snowing and it's storming, or like, for example, like it's raining, right?
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's raining outside the window.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: I'll tell my wife, nah, nah, nah, we can't go out.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: It's raining out, it's a terrible day.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: Um, uh, let's just stay in, let's just do ABC and let's switch our plans.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: And she's much more um, I don't know, driven than I am and fearless.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: She just no, she wants to go, so we go out, and I'm all mad because we're going out, and I'm like, why did I let this woman talk me into going into the rain?
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna get into an accident, you know.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: My mind just goes into all these various permutations.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: And four blocks down the road, it's sunny, no rain, zero rain.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: It's just raining in my area.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: It was a storm cloud, but up my window, it looked like everything in the world was raining, and I didn't want to go too far because of the rain, not understanding perspective, and that's why on the sweet spot on Sundays we do the astrophysics thing, we do the universal thing, we step back to see that what we are seeing is just a slice of what's really happening, and we do have to have a broader perspective.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: Does that make sense?
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: I hope it landed, I really do.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: So, so my friend, today is slowdown Sunday, and Sunday's job is not motivation, it's not recovery.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: As I've been telling you, it's perspective.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: Sunday answers the question that we don't even realize we're asking.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: How big is the moment I'm in, really?
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: That's subconscious for us.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: The brain is always deciding is this a big moment?
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: Is this not a big moment?
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: Does this moment really matter?
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: Because when you're under pressure, pressure does something very specific to the human mind that we've been saying.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: Pressure, what it does is it collapses time.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: Everything feels immediate, everything feels final, and everything feels like it's the most defining moment, like nothing else matters when we're under pressure.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: But the universe does the opposite.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: The universe actually expands time, and that's what I was trying to point out with the rain thing.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I'm thinking it's raining, but it not's not raining everywhere, and that contrast, the contrast between pressure shrinking everything, making it feel so final, and the universe expanding.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: That's what makes today slow down Sunday.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: That's what makes it special.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: It's why we slow down is to have this conversation.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: In astrophysics, one of the most humbling truths is this: the universe is held together not by force, but by balance.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: Stars don't burn because they're straining, they exist because opposing forces are held in equilibrium.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: Gravity pulling inward, energy pushing outward, and this tension is balance.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: Too much of either, and the star collapses or explodes.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: That matters to us, that matters to you and me.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: This tension, this balance, because pressure pulls everything inward, it compresses meaning, it convinces me and you that this moment is the entire sky, it's raining everywhere.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: Slowing down doesn't make the moment smaller, it actually puts it back into proportion when we say, hey, let's slow down and take a minute here.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: Have you ever said that to somebody?
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe to your kids or to somebody like, hey, let's slow down.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: Whoa, whoa, whoa, let's slow down, let's take a minute.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: Because the minute you slow down, you get back proportion.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: Another truth from physics is that time itself is not fixed.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: Time is just not fixed, it's not static.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: It changes depending on things like speed, gravity, and position.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: Time can shift.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: The faster you move, the more distorted time becomes.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: You ever get on a train and you're like moving really, really fast, and another train passes you, it's going faster, and you think you're going backward?
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if you ever had that.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: These are the crazy things that I that happened to me.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, time just has ways that it looks odd.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: Which explains something we've all felt.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: When you're rushed, overwhelmed, and you're afraid, time feels tight and it feels unforgiving, and it seems to be moving faster.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: And when you slow down for a second and take your time for a minute, things widen.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: And nothing has changed externally.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's only your perspective and your position has changed.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why slowing down isn't laziness, it's reorientation.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: You know, a point guard or a player in the fourth quarter or at the end of a game, the one who's panicked and rushed, whose nervous system is all jacked up because of the pressure they feel.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: That pressure makes it shrink.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: The five seconds left in the game for that player feels that there's not enough time.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: Meanwhile, one of those more calm, uh slowdown Sunday type players in their mind, that the kind that just doesn't allow pressure to shrink them, they feel like five seconds is an eternity and you can get so much done.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: I've seen teams lose gains in seconds.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: Because some players really understand that they understand that pressure shrinks time, but that's only a feeling.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: It's not true.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: In the ancient wisdom, the ancient wisdom, it it speaks to this, it speaks to the idea of time and and sort of repositioning yourself and reorienting yourself.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: It says this teach us to live well, teach us to live wisely and make our lives a prayer.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: That's in the message Bible, Psalm 90.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: Teach us to live well, teach us to live wisely, teach us to live wisely and well, and we'll make our lives a prayer.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: And just because I've been getting some pushback, here's the KJV's version.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: Lord, teach us to number our days that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: Beautiful, isn't it?
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: The KJV.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: I like the message because it's so straightforward, but the KJV, it does its thing.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: So, yeah, in the KJV, so teach us to number our days that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: What does that mean?
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: Notice what that prayer is really asking, friend.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: Not for long days, not for longer days.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: It's not asking that, it's not asking for easier days either.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_00: It's asking for perspective.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: Teach us to see time clearly enough that urgency doesn't steal our wisdom.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: Not because things are urgent and it must be done now that we suddenly can't make good decisions, that we're just gonna do what's convenient, what's easy, just to get relief.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, we talked about sitting with the discomfort.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it is uncomfortable to work through pressure.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: That's okay.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_00: Ancient wisdom, you know, ancient Jewish wisdom carries the same humility and language of dust and breath.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_00: It reminds us that we were both fragile and significant at the same time.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: Small but still held.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: Fearfully but wonderfully made.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: You are not insignificant because you're small.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_00: That's not what I'm saying.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_00: You're meaningful because you are a part of something vast, and that in all this vastness, all this wideness, you and I matter.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_00: We're talking, we're connecting, we have family, we have friends, we have loved ones, we know pain, we know suffering, we know joy, we know happiness.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: We are in an experience.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_00: When you zoom out far enough, something important happens.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: The pressure you've been under doesn't disappear, but it stops defining you.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_00: The illness becomes a chapter in your life, not the verdict of your life.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_00: The loss that you've experienced and that I've experienced these losses become real, but they're not total.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: They're not totally decimated.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_00: The setback, it's painful, but it's not permanent.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: We have we had perspective because we're looking at the big picture, we're looking wider, we're not just seeing rain out the window, we are thinking that maybe down the block it isn't raining.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_00: The moment you thought might break you becomes the one moment among many, and it doesn't break you.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, over time it strengthened you.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_00: The obstacle that was in front of you, that was blocking your way, you know what?
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_00: It became the way.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_00: Great book, by the way.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: Obstacle Becomes the Way.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: And suddenly, my friend, everything we practiced this week about standing, staying in your stance makes sense, right?
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: The stance on Monday wasn't about toughness, it was about balance.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_00: When we talked about sequencing on Take Action Tuesday, it wasn't about speed.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_00: It was about rhythm.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_00: Wednesday's belief talk wasn't about confidence, it was about durability.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_00: Thursday, we talked about trust.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_00: Trust is not about certainty, it's about alignment.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_00: Endurance on Unfinished Strong Friday wasn't about forcing it, it was about being honest about where we are and allowing ourselves to finish with something left in the tank.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_00: Remember that?
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_00: Rest yesterday wasn't about stopping on self-care Saturday, it was about getting your bandwidth widened again so that you can keep going.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: You see, this was never about mastering pressure.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_00: This week was about learning how to stand inside time without being crushed by it.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_00: Narrowing your focus so that you can stand inside of this pressure, execute inside of this pressure, just like a point guard executes at in the last second.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_00: Or a quarterback finds that pocket and knows exactly what to do and wins the game because they have really focused themselves.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_00: That's all.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_00: You're not the urgency of this moment, you're a life in motion, held inside a bigger universe, inside a much larger story, and the end is so much better than the beginning.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: And when nothing feels urgent, when you slow down enough to see what's really going on here, you don't disappear.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_00: You don't disappear.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_00: You know what happens?
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_00: You actually reappear when you slow down, you come back online.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, my friend, it's slow down Sunday.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_00: When you step back far enough, when you pull back, pressure loses its grip.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_00: And meaning has room to breathe again.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_00: Try it.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever you're in right now, whatever kind of stress, whatever kind of pressure you're feeling, step back, breathe.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_00: And see.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_00: See what options become available.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: See what options become available.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_00: You're not late, you're not broken, you're not defeated, it's not over, and you're not alone in the universe.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_00: You're a part of it.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_00: And you're standing.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_00: You're standing still.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_00: This is Dr.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_00: Derek Sweet.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_00: You've been listening to the Sweet Spot.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for joining me on this amazing journey we've just completed.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_00: About the the power, okay, of stabilizing your stand.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so excited that we spent this time together.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_00: If this shifted something in you, I invite you to re-listen.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_00: These episodes weren't meant to rush through, they were meant for you to walk through.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_00: Share it with someone, subscribe if you haven't.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's absolutely free.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_00: There's nothing that we ask of you other than your attention and your time.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for the listening that you've been.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for the conversation that you've entered in with me.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_00: I look forward to seeing you next week.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_00: Let's see what the good Lord has for us.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_00: Until then, my beautiful sweet winners, my sole partners.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself when I stand, I win.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_00: Love and blessings.