Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / 296. Sexual Fantasies: Let’s Talk About it.

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296. Sexual Fantasies: Let’s Talk About it. · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

• 0:10
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the She Rises podcast. I'm Ashi. And I'm Tiana.
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: This podcast is about female empowerment and encouraging you to
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  Speaker 2: be your biggest, boldest, and most authentic version of yourself.
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: We're going to laugh, cry, and talk about the topics
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: everyone else is too afraid to talk about. Get ready
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: for your next level self. Hello everybody, welcome back to
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: She Rises with Ashley and Tiana. We have a very
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: sexy episode. I'm super excited to talk about this. You
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: guys always love it and as we have always said
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: in She Rises, we like to talk about the things
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: that other people are too afraid to talk about and
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: make the taboo topics not so taboo. So we're going
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: to be talking about sex today and sexual fantasies. But
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: before we get into the juiciness, what's your share of
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: the week?
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: This is very off topic from what we're about to
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: talk about, just so you guys know. Golden kiwi fruits.
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: She's obsessed, guys.
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  Speaker 2: I don't know what it is ever since it started
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: to get a little bit warmer, but I just am
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  Speaker 2: obsessed with them.
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  Speaker 1: They're so yummy. I literally eat two of them every
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: single day and have done for over the last month.
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  Speaker 1: Why are they so expensive?
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  Speaker 2: I don't know.
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  Speaker 1: I don't know. They're pricey, hey. It's literally like $ 5
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  Speaker 1: for two. Yeah, I buy them for Tala and they're
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  Speaker 1: so expensive. This is excessive. Yeah, it's very excessive. But
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: they're so yum. They're so yum.
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  Speaker 2: And like what I didn't know that now I do now,
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  Speaker 2: that they have vitamin C, digestive enzymes, and high potassium.
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  Speaker 1: So they're really, really good for you. Yeah. And they
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: shit all over green ones, hey. Yeah, they're so much better.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: They're so much better. I feel you. They're sweeter.
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: When I eat them, I feel like the avatars of Avatar,
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: when they eat into the fruits and it's like all
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: juicy and like I'm just like having the time of
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  Speaker 2: my life.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: On the way up to the podcast this morning, she
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: literally chopped up a whole container of golden kiwi fruits.
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: We're just snacking on them. It was so yum. Really good.
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: Tell us yours. Mine is also revolved around food because
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: people always ask us our favorite restaurants and we're massive
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: steak eaters. It's our favorite thing to go out and eat.
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: It's like, where do you want to go? Of course,
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: we're going to eat a steak. So it's my three
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  Speaker 1: favorite steak restaurants in Brisbane, if you're coming to Brisbane. SK,
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: holy shit. Holy shit. This restaurant, it melts in your mouth.
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  Speaker 1: It's top two steaks for me. Top two. We were
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: in silence. Yeah, literally. We were looking at each other like,
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: what is this? It's definitely pricey, but worth every cent. Definitely.
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: Even the desserts were next level. Oh, the dessert. That's right.
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: That brownie thing that was gluten-free. That was so yum.
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  Speaker 1: You were in heaven. I was so happy. The next
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  Speaker 1: one after that is Fat Cow. Oh, funny name, but- Also,
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  Speaker 1: equally as amazing. We did have a creepy waiter. That
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: was the only thing. He was a bit strange. He
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: tried to put food in Tiana's mouth, like feeding her.
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: It was fucking weird.
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  Speaker 2: Well, he did because I felt awkward in the moment
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: and didn't know what to do. And I was like,
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: he's going to do that to me.
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  Speaker 1: He did not try.
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: You know when something happens so fast that you don't
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: realize what's happening?
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: I was like, did that just happen? I know. It
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: wasn't until he walked away, both of us registered what
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: had happened, and I was like, ew, why is he
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: doing that? That's really inappropriate. Really inappropriate. So hopefully you
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: don't get that waiter, but it's still worth going because
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: the stakes were– I think we got like a platter
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: that was three different. Oh, it was a tasting plate. Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: it was like three different cuts.
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: So I'm sure they'd have it on the menu still. Yeah.
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: And you can, yeah, just try all the different ones.
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  Speaker 2: Every single one was so good.
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  Speaker 1: Delicious. I've never had steak melt in my mouth like
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: that before. I know. It's so soft. It just breaks
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  Speaker 1: apart so, oh, I can't even talk about it. It
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: makes me hungry. And then we had some cabbage side dish.
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  Speaker 2: Oh, yeah.
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  Speaker 1: That was good. It was like miso, chili, caramelized cabbage.
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: Definitely had caramelized onion on top of it with chili
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: and feta.
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  Speaker 1: Yum. So good. So good. And then the last one
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  Speaker 1: is the Lex. So we purely go here just for
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: the tomahawk. I don't rate a lot of their other food,
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: if I'm being honest. I feel like we've tried a
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: few other things that's been all right, but the tomahawk
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: is very good. It is the best tomahawk over and
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: over again. I can't tell you how many times we've
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: had that. Oh, we've lost count. It's at the W.
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: Which I'm so grateful to say. Yeah. So grateful to say.
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  Speaker 1: Once again, expensive.
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  Speaker 2: Very, yeah.
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  Speaker 1: Very, very good tomahawk. We've had tomahawks elsewhere and they
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: have not even competed. We can eat. All right, let's
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: get into the episode. So I actually saw this on Instagram,
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: I think, and I sent it to Steve. I sent
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: it to you. I was like, wow, this is so interesting.
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: So these are not our fantasies. These are fantasies that
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: have obviously been data collected by multiple people, a lot
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: of people. So- Before we get into it, we want
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: to say that like a fantasy doesn't necessarily mean that
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: you want to do it. It can just be a
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  Speaker 1: thought that turns you on, that excites you, that's fun
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: to have conversations around. It's like curious. So I think
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: like let's just stop demonizing fantasies as like a big, bad,
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: dirty word because I don't think it is.
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: I think as well there's like obviously sex is a
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: very taboo topic. So there's a lot of shame around it.
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: There's a lot of judgment. People have preconceived notions around
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: what's acceptable, what's not based on their own internalized shame
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: or judgment around it. So I think like that's also
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: something to take into account is that just because it's
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: a fantasy doesn't mean that it's wrong or bad or
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: that you should shame yourself for it or that you
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: even want to act it out.
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: Absolutely. It's just something that there's for a reason psychologically.
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: It turns you on. Yeah. And that's okay. I think
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: the unknown is also just like exciting to talk about. Yeah.
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: It's like the forbidden fruit. Yeah, definitely. So we're going
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: to go over the common fantasies that are reported by men,
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: the common fantasies reported by women, and then the common
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: fantasies reported by like couples together. So let's start with men.
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: So this is an actual order of the most fantasized
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: fantasies by men in order. So good. So the number
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: one is sex with a new or unfamiliar partner. Novelty
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: and excitement are a common theme. Okay, so that's number one.
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: That's number one that most men fantasize about is sex
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: with a unfamiliar or new partner. Wow, that's interesting. I
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: thought it would be number two. Yeah, apparently number one.
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: There you go. I know. So interesting. Sex with a
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: new or unfamiliar partner. It makes sense for men because
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: they love the thrill of the chase. And a lot
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: of the time once they get it, they're like, oh.
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: They are hunters by nature. Exactly.
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: So naturally, I imagine that like pursuing that and the
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: excitement and the thrill of that is all a part.
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: Of the fun. A part of the turn on.
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  Speaker 2: So it's just like wanting to keep up that novelty.
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah. That makes sense. It makes sense, doesn't it? You
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: can see how like a.
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: Single man going through that season and era would just
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  Speaker 2: consistently be on that train of, and you can see
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  Speaker 2: how that also would become addictive as well.
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: I don't want any wives listening to be like, oh
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  Speaker 1: my God, does that mean my man isn't happy in
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: our sex life while he's thinking about new partners? Good point.
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: Not always the case. Like you could be super happy
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: and satisfied in your marriage. And also, I think it's
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: natural to have fantasies and natural to have dreams and
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: thoughts sometimes. You're human just because you're married doesn't make
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: you dead. You know, don't wrong yourself.
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: I think that's also a thing too. It's like someone
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: can have a fantasy, but whether or not they act
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: on it is a different thing.
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: Absolutely.
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: So it's like not shaming or judging for the fact
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  Speaker 2: that they might want to play that out, but know
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  Speaker 2: that they would never without consent.
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  Speaker 1: I just wanted to like put that in there before
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: anyone like shames it. That's great.
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: Number two is threesomes. So often involving two women, though
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: preferences vary, right? So their preference is mostly.
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  Speaker 1: Two women with a man. I can see why. Yeah, 100%
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: more attention. Two beautiful women loving on them. Women are beautiful.
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  Speaker 1: They're not. Absolutely. I don't blame them. Just complete pleasure
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: for a man to lay back and have two women
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: dote over them. I really did think that that would
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: be number one. The threesomes?
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  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: I don't know why I feel like that would be
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  Speaker 1: a common thing. I suppose it's spoken about more than
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: the number one. The number one, I feel like there's
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: a bit more shame around. Number two is like, oh, yeah,
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: threesome kind of gets thrown around a bit more. It does.
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  Speaker 2: I feel like it's almost like when they're younger as well,
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  Speaker 2: it's like I've got to tick that off kind of box.
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: Yes, true. Number three is interesting, just receiving oral sex.
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  Speaker 1: Fantasy is interesting. And it makes me think like are
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: a lot of women not giving men oral sex? as
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: much as what I think they would be. In my relationship,
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: that's very normal. Yeah. For us to both give and
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: receive oral, like it's always has been. Yeah. I've always
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: thought that as well. But then there was a friend
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: of a friend that we were talking to, do you
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: remember a little while ago? Yeah. And she doesn't do it.
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: But I remember being really taken back by like, oh,
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: that's not normal for her. Yeah. Is it high up
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: on the list because it It doesn't happen. Women don't
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: freely give it as much as what we think they do.
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
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  Speaker 2: Maybe because it's an unspoken thing, but I just assume
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: that most women do.
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: I thought so too. Maybe not. Maybe that's why it's
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: number three. Personal preference, I guess.
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah. The next one is watching a partner with somebody else.
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: So more common than many people assume, though still not
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: the majority.
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: So the whole hot wife fantasy. Mm. So man watching
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: another man with his wife. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Number four. Interesting.
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: Once again, not spoken about a lot. Yeah, no, not
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: at all.
• 8:03
  Speaker 2: I'm curious what's enticing about that.
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: Mm. Like I'm genuinely curious from like a man's perspective,
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: like what? Well, I imagine it's watching your partner in pleasure.
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: Mm.
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: I think for a lot of men, just seeing their
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: woman in pleasure.
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: Mm.
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: Whether it's through masturbation or through someone else, I would
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: assume that'd be a big turn on because they get
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: joy out of watching you and pleasure. Yes, and I
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: guess they're visual learners too. Yeah, absolutely. Men are very visual,
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: whereas women are more predominantly emotional. Yeah. So I can
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: see how that would be enticing. For sure, and I'll
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: be real open here. I've had a fantasy of watching
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: Steve with another woman. do I want to go through
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: with that? Not really. But the thought of watching him
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: do his thing, that definitely turns me on. So there's
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: been fun conversations we've had, but do I want to
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: act on that? Not really, but I can see how
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: people would be turned on by that, if that makes sense.
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: Thank you for sharing. Yeah. Open book here, babe. Love it.
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: Number five is dominance. So taking a more dominant role
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: during sex. I feel like that's a pretty obvious one.
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: I feel like most men would enjoy the dominant side
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: of things.
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: I can see how that would be enticing for men too.
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah. To take control. Yeah. Yeah. Once again, be in
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: charge of the pleasure and like, yeah, I can see
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: how that would be.
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: Conversations that I've had with just previous partners around this
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: and just the conversation around like what entices you?
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: Why? Why do you like it? All that sort of.
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: Stuff is them having a woman fully surrender to them.
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Because they're trusting them. It's like the trust. It's
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: the complete trust. That's feminine. Yeah.
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: Like when a man is dominant, the conversations we've had
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: has been It's because I know that that woman is
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: completely surrendering to me and that, to me, is like
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: the ultimate level.
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: Well, that's the ultimate femininity is receiving, trusting, surrendering. So
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: that makes total sense. Public sex or semi-public sex. Semi-public sex.
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: The thrill of potentially being caught. I totally agree. Yeah,
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: I feel that. I can relate to this too. That's funny. Yeah. Again,
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: it's like the forbidden fruit thing. Yes.
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: It's like, oh, I shouldn't be doing this, but I
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: kind of want to and it excites me. It's the thrill,
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: the adrenaline that you get from wanting to do this.
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Sometimes when I'm like in a hotel room and
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: the curtains open, I just like walk around naked. Steve's like,
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: shut the curtains. People can see. And I'm like, can they?
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: He's like, no, babe, you're shutting those fucking curtains. He
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: hates it. all of that. Whereas I'm like, ooh.
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: It's so funny, too, because I'm like, oh, public sex
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: sounds great, but then I'm also, like, a clean person, too.
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I know. I think about that. I'm like, I
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: don't want to have sex in a public bathroom. That's gross.
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: No.
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: But, like, say it was on a beach where no
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: one else was around and you've got a blanket laid out. Like,
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: that's public. Yes. Down the open, but it could be
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: really beautiful and romantic. Like, special. Special, but a public toilet,
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: absolutely not. Yuck. Yuck. Or like an alleyway. I'm like, ew,
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: that's not for me. Did you hear about the thing
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: that the man got caught in Bali? Yes, I did,
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: but you tell it.
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: A man in Bali or recently a couple who got
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: caught that were drunk having sex in an alleyway where
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: there was a camera directly on because it.
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: Was in front of a business shop. It wasn't a couple,
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: it was a hookup.
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: They got in trouble because they got caught having sex
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: in public in Bali and now he's gone to jail
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: for like a year.
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: And they're trying to find the woman so she can
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: go to jail too. That's crazy. And she's like, gone MIA.
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: Don't do it, peeps. No. Number seven, role play, such
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: as strangers meeting, boss employee, or other fictional scenarios. I
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: can get this. That's so hot.
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: I understand the boss and employee thing. I think, you know,
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: the whole like in the office space.
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: I've never experienced that, but I can imagine that would
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: be super steamy and hot. Make the workplace like fun.
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: Neither have I. It's definitely been like top of my mind.
• 11:11
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: Because I think maybe that's the most common one they
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: show in movies. So true. It's very, what is it,
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: like the secretary with the boss? Yes. It's a huge
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: storyline that they lean on. That's true. So maybe that's
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: the one that's the most talked about.
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: Say for me, I've never had a one night stand.
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: So when I hear my friends like doing that, it
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: sounds fun and enticing, like meeting a complete stranger. Yeah.
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: But once again, when I was single, did I ever
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: act through on it? No, I don't ever want to
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: do it, but like I can see how the fantasy
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: is there for me because it's unknown. Yeah. And the
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: movies make it look so like enticing or Steve's like,
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: trust me, babe, it's not like that. You don't know
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: each other's body. There's like, Not much trust there. Most
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: of the time you're drunk. It's so physical. It's never
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: as what it seemed on the movies.
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: It's so interesting, actually, just a similar situation. Conversations I've
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: had with men around threesomes is that it's overrated. is
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: that they have it and they do it and they
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: tick it off the list. If it's not with someone
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: that you genuinely care about, it's like not as good.
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, wow. So I've heard that from two men now,
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: two previous men that I've dated. Yeah, so they've had
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: them and didn't love them. Yeah. Were they intoxicated? Yes. Yeah,
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: that plays a big role though. I think if you're
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: conscious and present, it would be a different story. Yeah,
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: that's true. In the moment, enjoying the pleasure. And what
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: the intention is and all the things. Yeah, and there's
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: all the trust and the boundaries spoken about. I think
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: it'd be different to just being like, ah, drunk and messy.
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: And I don't know who you are. No noise. Number eight.
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: Adventure or spontaneous sex. So outdoors, on a holiday, or
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: in unusual locations. We kind of covered that a little bit.
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah. So moving on to common fantasies reported by women.
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: So let's see how different this list is to men.
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: So number one, passionate, emotionally connected sex, feeling deeply desired
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: and emotionally close. Yeah. I think all women crave that,
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: want that, desire that forever. I don't think that's ever
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: going to go away. Isn't that crazy that it's a fantasy?
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: The number one. Yeah. I'm not surprised.
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: Like as a woman, I know I want to be
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: ravished and worshipped and loved and cared for and.
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: Be like taken care of like so gently every part
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: of your body yeah yeah and energy and so they
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: should number two being dominated or surrendering control within a
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: consensual safe context this is one of the most commonly
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: reported fantasies among women.
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: I can understand why because i believe for women there's
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: a lot of mistrust in relationships so for her i
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: can see or for her fast for women is like
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: fully being able to let go and trust that deeply
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: that you can be in that safe environment. And know
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: that you can surrender without something bad happening.
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: True. You know, there's a lot of not good things
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: that happen for women. Yeah.
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: So to be able to just fully let go and
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: fully enjoy herself, I can see why that would be
• 13:38
  Speaker 2: a huge common fantasy for women.
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And if you are being dominated and you're surrendering,
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: you're out of your head and you're in your body.
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: That's right. Whereas if you're not fully surrendering, you're in
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: your head like, what am I doing? Is it good enough?
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: How do I look? Is it safe? You're not in
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: your pleasure. Yeah. So I can see how that is...
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: Super hot.
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: Even like, can I trust this person? Like, is it
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: okay to go to this length? You know, all those
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: sorts of things. There's a huge variety of what that
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: looks like.
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: Yes. You know what I mean? For some women, it
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: could be like, oh, I just want to be handcuffed.
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: Like, you know, I want to strap to the bed.
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: Then it goes to the extreme sides. Or maybe it's
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: just that element of like being in the energy of surrendering.
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: You're right. There is extremes that I've heard of. Yeah.
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: It's a bit scary. Yeah. I'm like, oh, I don't
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: know for me, but. Right.
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: Because, you know, when I read being dominated or surrendering control,
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: what I think of is like smart books.
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: You know, like I think it's a huge thing for women.
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: Absolutely.
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: And the desire is that a man comes in and
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: he takes lead and he controls, but like in a
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: healthy way.
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: Do you know where this comes up for me? Is
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: that movie 365 where he kidnaps her? Yeah. There's still
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: permission there because she's somewhat enjoying it, but- There's an
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: element of, like, is he crossing her boundary here? Like,
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: is this– Consensual. That's the word I want to say,
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: not the other word. But, like, that's how the movie starts.
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: He kidnaps her and forces her to be intimate with him.
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: I can't remember the beginning of that movie. That's what
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: it is. He kidnaps her. Because he kidnaps her against
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: her will. Yes, and then– But then she's into it.
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: That's the gray line of, though, where I think she's
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: turned on by the dominance. Right. Like, oh, like, I've
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: been kidnapped, but I kind of like that he's just, like,
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: taking control of me. And she pushes back a lot.
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: She's not a victim. Right. This is the line that
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: this crosses. Yeah. Like what extreme of dominance do you like?
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: I don't think I want to be kidnapped. No, no.
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: And I think the word even being dominated or surrendering
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: control sounds intimidating.
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: But like I imagine it's just an ultimate level of
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: trust between you and your partner.
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah. That's the beautiful side of it. I don't know. Yeah.
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: Number three, threesomes with either two men or another woman
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: depending on the individual. So that was the same as men.
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: I think threesomes was like, oh, threesomes number two. So
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: threesomes number three. I just think that's like the curiosity
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: of what that would be like inviting someone else into
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: the bedroom. And one of my girlfriends explained it was like,
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: you know, you have so much fun and pleasure with
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: one person and another person is like extra pleasure. Yes.
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: It's like fun. It's like a live sex toy really. Yes,
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: like new levels of pleasure. Yeah, exactly. But I would
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: assume it's got to be done with safety boundaries. Oh,
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: of course. Yeah. But I can see how that's up
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: there as well. For sure.
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: And I think maybe the same way that it is
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: enticing for men to have two women, same for women.
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: Women who want two men. Absolutely. Or whatever dynamic you desire.
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: To be ravished and loved on. To be careful, yeah.
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: To feel pleasure.
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: Come on.
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: So much masculine energy in that. Who doesn't want to
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: feel pleasure? Yeah.
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: Love it.
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: Absolutely. Sex in a novel or exciting location. Oh, yeah. Okay.
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: So similar to the other one. Yeah. With men as well.
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: We kind of explained that. Self-explanatory. Yeah. Role play is
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: the same one, including power dynamics, opportunity to be with
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: someone else. Yeah. That's interesting. Yeah. Interesting. So say for me,
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: if I had an experience one night stand. Uh-huh. and
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: I put Steve in a bar or something. Yeah. We
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: have spoken about doing this, have not done it. It
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: would be cool to do it. But like, say if
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: I put a wig on and I went down and
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: pretended to be single and then he came up and
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: started a conversation and like, slides his hotel card to me. Yes.
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: And it's like this role play of like your strangers.
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: Your Stephanie. Yeah, I'm Stephanie. Hi, what's your name? Stephanie.
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: Never done it, but I've spoken about wanting to do that. Yes, okay.
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: I can see though like the novelty of that. The novelty, yeah.
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: Why that would be exciting. And maybe to spice up
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: if you've been with someone for a long time, it
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: could be just like a fun activity you get to
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: look forward to.
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: I feel like it's the, you know how we talk
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: about how like it's always important to stay curious in relationships?
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: Definitely. Friendships, old things. Yeah.
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: I imagine it's like that in terms of like your
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: sex life too, to make sure that it stays in.
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: fresh and then you're always inviting new levels of vulnerability
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: and things like that in.
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah. That's cool.
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: So having a highly attentive, confident partner who knows exactly
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: how to please them.
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: Wow. That's number six. That's important. I think that's just
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: a given. Yeah. But also I can see why it
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: would be a fantasy.
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: And if most women haven't experienced that, they want the
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: man who's going to come in and just like know
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: what to do and not feel like they need to
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: teach him what to do.
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, I once had a partner I wasn't with
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: for very long, but he had never gone down on
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: a girl. Yeah. So he wanted me to teach him.
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: And I was just, I feel awful saying it, but
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: I really got turned off. I was like, I, ah,
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: I just, I feel bad saying it, but I really,
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: it really turned me off because I think I just
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: want a man to lead and take control and know
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: what to do. Like that's a turn on to me.
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: It probably goes against the whole having a man lead. Yeah.
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: It's like, oh, well, now I'm leader. Now I have
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: to teach you what to do in the bedroom? So
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: now I'm the masculine. I've never gone down on a girl.
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: I don't know. You figure it out. Gosh, that's funny.
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: Oh, funny. Same-sex experiences, even among some women who identify
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: as heterosexual.
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Even among some women. Oh, yeah. That makes sense.
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: I've spoken about that openly on the podcast, being really
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: attracted to women and, like, thought about it, fantasized about it.
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: Then I'm like, do I actually want to do it?
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: I don't know. Yeah. Or like I love kissing. Like
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: even women's breasts are so beautiful, but do I actually
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: want to go down? I don't think I want to
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: go down. Yeah. We've had this conversation before too. Like
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: women are so beautiful. So beautiful. Like I don't blame
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: men for feeling the way that they do because they
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: are stunning. Absolutely. When a girl's in lingerie, I'm like, yeah, hot. Yeah,
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: you get it, girl. You've got it going on. I
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: can see why that does things for men. It does
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: things for me. Yeah. Being the object of intense desire,
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: feeling irresistible, pursued, or deeply wanted, which we've spoken about.
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: That's just very– I think every woman wants that. I
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: think so too.
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: To be pursued, to be deeply wanted, irresistible. Something about
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: being desired as a woman is really beautiful.
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: Makes you feel alive. It does. Wanted, yeah. In the
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: right and healthy way. Absolutely. So next we're moving on
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: to fantasies commonly shared by both men and women equally. Okay.
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: So first one is trying new positions or experiences. Relatable,
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: I think, for everyone. I think so. Yeah.
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: Next one is light BDSM, which is bondage, dominance, submission,
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: and sensory play.
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: Bondage I've just never been into. Hey, I wish I
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: was because I'm like, there's so many things you could explore.
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: But the thought of it just, there's not one part
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: of me that's turned on by it.
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: I don't know. Slapped around with a whip. That doesn't
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: do it for me.
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: I imagine that's the same thing of like, there's levels
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: to that too. I fantasize more so around like the
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: surrendering part of like, that's not the bondage part.
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: Yes. But like having a man just lead the entire way. Yeah.
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: And then surrendering fully. Yeah.
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: That to me, I'm like, oh, that feels great. But like-
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: to be tied up and hung upside down and shit.
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: I don't know if I want that. Or like the
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: ropes that wrap around their bodies. Yeah. It looks like
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: it hurts. It looks painful. You're going to get rope burn.
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: How hard are you going to slap that whip on me?
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: That's so funny. Sex in the arm. Safe word. Yeah.
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: Sex in unusual locations. That was with both men and women.
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: Watching or being watched. So exhibitionism. Oh, wow. What's voyeurism? Voyeurism?
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: I don't know what that word means, actually. Watching or
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: being watched. Yeah, okay. Yeah, interesting. Threesomes or group scenarios.
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: Romantic, can't keep our hands off each other encounters. Yeah,
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: I think that's a big one for a lot of people.
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: Absolutely. Role play and dressing up. That's it. Yeah, interesting.
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: We've written something down here where it says, like, one
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: interesting finding from large surveys. including work by sex researcher
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: Justin Lee Miller, is that women and men often have
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: more of an overlap in their fantasies than most people
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: would expect. The biggest differences tend to be that men
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: report more fantasies involving novelty, multiple partners, and visual excitement,
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: whereas women more often include emotional connection, feeling desired, power exchange,
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: particularly consensual, of course. As a part of the fantasy.
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: That's so true. That's so cool. It's so interesting. But
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: it makes sense, though, because men are quite visual.
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: Like, I think we know that the men physically are like, oh,
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: I'm such a visual person, whereas women are so emotional. Yeah.
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: They care about how they feel in the experience, whereas
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: men love what they're seeing visually, like experiencing what they're seeing.
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: Absolutely. Yeah. It's a fun topic. It's so cool. When
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: I saw that, I was like, wow, that's really interesting.
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: I need to take that on the podcast.
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's so interesting to just dive deep and to understand.
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and cool if you've got a partner just to
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: chat about it with them. Yeah, see what their fantasies are.
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: Because maybe you've never asked them. Maybe you're too scared
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: to know. Yes, that's true. And it can be scary
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: because they might say something and you're like, oh, do
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: you want that? But once again, just because you fantasize
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: about it, it doesn't actually mean that you Sometimes. Doesn't
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: mean that you actually want to follow through with it.
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: That's right. And even if you talk about it, it
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: doesn't mean you have to do it. No, exactly. You're
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: just opening up a conversation and creating safety in your relationship, really.
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: Sometimes talking about it is enough to turn you on
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: and get you there. Absolutely.
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: So I hope you guys enjoyed that episode. We know
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: you guys love talking about sex, baby. We'll see you
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: in the next one. Bye, guys.
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: Bye.