Latest / Get It Got It Girl: Midlife Rebuild / Algorithms, Tears, And Why That’s Progress

Transcript

Algorithms, Tears, And Why That’s Progress · Get It Got It Girl: Midlife Rebuild

• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: Everyone talks about healing like it's just this soft, peaceful process.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: But the truth is healing looks nothing like what people post online.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: Healing is one of the most misunderstood things that we go through.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: Before anything else, I just wanted to give you a real definition.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: Not the pretty one, the honest one from the dictionary.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Healing is the process of finally dealing with what you survived.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: Not avoiding it, not pretending it didn't hurt.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: These are hard things to say because they hit home because we do this.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: Like I know I do this.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not afraid to admit it.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: Like not pushing it down, which I did before for years.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's when your mind and your body and your emotions finally get a chance to release what they've been holding on to, like just let go.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: And that process, oh, it is not cute.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't look great.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's not always peaceful.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: I think of those times when I was just crying and I would video it, and then it's just messy.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: Or some of the nights when you're bawling because you're watching videos and they're hitting home because you know your algorithm knows you.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's just not pretty.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's messy, it's powerful.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, is it powerful?
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: But it is messy, it's just different.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I know this is hard for others.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: This is hard for me.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: I think little by little I can let things heal, and I feel like that's okay to do it that way.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: If you have to break it down into sections and take one thing at a time, and once you get past that or heal from something, you can, you know, allow yourself to take a break and talk to your counselor if you need to, talk to a therapist, talk to your friends.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not a therapist, so whatever helps in between after talking about something that you healed, and then maybe move on to the next thing.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: That's how my work has been working since October.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: Well, actually since December of last year.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: It's like you finally sit with that truth of what happened, not the version you told yourself so that you could get through it, but the real version.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: The one that you know deep down, but you just keep stuffing it.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: It's when you let yourself feel the feelings.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: It comes out in waves.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: That's when you can't actually like you stop blaming yourself.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you can take accountability, but you can't blame yourself for some things that were never yours.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what if somebody really hurt you?
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: You are not to blame.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: Now we can talk about ways we can stay protected or not get in situations, or we can just maybe learn some self-defense techniques.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: Realizing like a first couple red flags, no, don't just be like, oh, that's okay.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I did that before so many times, where I'm like, oh my gosh.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: Even going back to some people, and you know, I have my own red flags.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: I had trouble opening up.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: I still feel like I have to heal from that because I opened up and boy, did I get squished this last time.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: So that's something I'm gonna have to work on.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: It's like when you have to stop abandoning yourself to keep other people comfortable.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: Healing is when you stop chasing closure from people who are never capable of giving it.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: This is a huge, huge, huge one for me.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: Try to get close, I'm vulnerable, I open up just to get insulted or the information used against me.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: No, no more of that.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: Healing is when you're not, you just have to stop performing the performing the version of you that survived.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: Start becoming the version of you that deserves peace.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: Like, no, like you know what you're gonna tolerate.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: And here's the part that nobody tells you.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: It rarely feels like healing, which is so strange.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: It feels like you're breaking and you're losing control, and it definitely feels like you're going backwards.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: But you know what?
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: You're not.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: It's your body releasing what you've been holding for years.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: Like as I go through this process, I don't know if this happens to other people.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: My body will shake.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: I will get goosebumps, I will cry.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: These are all good things that are happening.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: It's your body letting go.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: So, like if you're in some stage where everything just feels heavy or emotional or confusing, that doesn't mean you're failing.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: And that's where I got held.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: I thought, oh, well, I'm not healing if I still feel like this way, but it does mean you're healing.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: Please be compassionate with yourself.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: I know I say that all the time, but I really think that's an important thing in life.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: And then I was I always like to leave you with something, something that you can do, nothing major, like I know I call it homework, but maybe people don't want to hear, oh, I don't want to do homework.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: Just name something to yourself.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to share it with anybody that you're healing from right now.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: What you moved on from, what you're healing from.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: Naming it is definitely the first step step step, first step from releasing it.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so I just want to leave you with that for the bonus this week about healing and really look into it.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: It's not what we all think, and it's not permanent.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I know people say linear, it's not a straight line of healing.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: You could feel healed, and then poof, somebody's perfume reminds you of somebody or some other smell or just some deja vu moment where you're just like back there, and that's okay, that's gonna happen.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, thank you so much for listening to this bonus.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Tina.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: I am your transformational coach and emotional intelligence strategist, and I'm here to help.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you guys have a great week and stay tuned to the next episode.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: And if you want, go ahead and look at my other ones and catch up so we can see the progress.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: Get it, got it, girl.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: Bonus session over.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: I know I'm silly, but I want to bring up more of the silly.