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Navigating the Social & Financial Anxiety of Christmas · She's On The Money

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Speaker 1: Hello, my name's Santasha Nabananga Bamblet. I'm a proud yr
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Speaker 1: the Order Kerni Whalbury and a waddery woman. And before
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Speaker 1: we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I
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Speaker 1: would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land
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Speaker 1: of which this podcast is recorded on a wondery country,
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Speaker 1: acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming
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Speaker 1: through as this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing
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Speaker 1: and the storytelling of you to make a difference for
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Speaker 1: today and lasting impact for tomorrow.
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Speaker 2: Let's get into it.
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Speaker 3: She's on the Money, She's on the Money.
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Speaker 4: Hello, and welcome to Sheets on the Money, the podcast
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Speaker 4: millennials who want financial freedom with me today. I have
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Speaker 4: a lady who knows just how much I love Christmas,
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Speaker 4: Victoria Devine.
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Speaker 2: Hello, Yes, you are basically a Christmas Elf. And to
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Speaker 2: be honest, when I saw that movie, is it Buddy
1:17
Speaker 2: the Elf?
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Speaker 4: Yeah?
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Speaker 2: Yeah, I was like, wow, this is yes, I am
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Speaker 2: one hundred perform. Well, we can't be so excited though,
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Speaker 2: because today's Christmas episode is not as fluffy as you
1:28
Speaker 2: guys have come to expect from us. No, definitely not.
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Speaker 4: Christmas is one of the most stressful times of year
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Speaker 4: on all fronts, and we've had a lot of people
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Speaker 4: reaching out and asking how they can balance their regular
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Speaker 4: savings goals with the spirit of the season and all
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Speaker 4: of the pressure that they're feeling as a result of that,
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Speaker 4: and it's quite possibly one of the hardest things to
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Speaker 4: manage at Christmas time. We want it to be special,
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Speaker 4: we want to show people how much we love them
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Speaker 4: and how important they are to us. But at the
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Speaker 4: same time, there's kind of this deadline thing at the
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Speaker 4: end of the year. A lot of stuff is due,
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Speaker 4: a lot of repayments. It seems like all of a sudden,
2:00
Speaker 4: life is just a real money pit, and I think
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Speaker 4: that that really adds to that feeling of pressure that
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Speaker 4: people experience. Can we cancel that, you know, the thing
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Speaker 4: where people will be like, oh my gosh, yes, it's
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Speaker 4: coming towards the end of the year, we should catch up. Yeah,
2:13
Speaker 4: and then everybody wants to get drinks with you in December,
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Speaker 4: and I'm like, babe, I'll be here in January, yeah, April, May,
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Speaker 4: all of those other months that we didn't catch up.
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Speaker 4: Why now, Yeah, absolutely, it's all at once and it's
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Speaker 4: really lovely that people want to spend time with you,
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Speaker 4: but at the same time it can be very anxiety
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Speaker 4: inducing I think for a lot of people.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, and I guess this episode has actually come from
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Speaker 2: me having a few chats with a few friends coming
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Speaker 2: up to the silly season where they're like, oh Christmas,
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Speaker 2: I get so anxious and I was like, what about
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Speaker 2: And it's like, it's about the spending, but also the expectation,
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Speaker 2: and then kind of you know, if you're a young female,
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Speaker 2: maybe you don't have the funds to buy really fancy
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Speaker 2: presents for your parents when you really want to, but
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Speaker 2: they have the funds to kind of buy you the
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Speaker 2: fancy presence. So you just feel like there's a bit
3:00
Speaker 2: of a power imbalance or an imbalance in what you
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Speaker 2: want to get versus what you can get. And I
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Speaker 2: just think nobody should be going through that stress because
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Speaker 2: at the end of the day, like summary of this
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Speaker 2: entire episode, it's the thought that counts. So if you
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Speaker 2: don't have much time, that is absolutely the main takeaway
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Speaker 2: from here. But last year the insurer HCF actually revealed
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Speaker 2: some research and that research said that seventy one percent
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Speaker 2: of Australians will quote bracing for a stressful Christmas. Twenty
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Speaker 2: two percent of Australians felt well pressure to spend time
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Speaker 2: with friends and family, which kind of makes sense. Nineteen
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Speaker 2: percent of Australians felt pressure to spend too much money,
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Speaker 2: and nineteen percent felt lonelier and sadder at this time
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Speaker 2: of year. That breaks my heart because as much as
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Speaker 2: I'm like, yeah, Christmas, spirit, festivity, and I'm so about it,
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Speaker 2: it makes me really sad to know that it is
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Speaker 2: a huge stress, like seventy one percent of people that
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Speaker 2: it makes more people than not that can come to
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Speaker 2: my Christmas.
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Speaker 4: Yeah, and it's a whole bunch of things that would
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Speaker 4: be the final answers. The pressure to spend time with
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Speaker 4: people or maybe feeling like you don't have people to
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Speaker 4: spend time with. It's like a big pressure cooker of anxiety.
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Speaker 2: And if you don't have the closest relationship with your family,
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Speaker 2: sometimes that just really exasperates it and makes it really obvious,
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Speaker 2: because you know, you catch up with friends that are like, oh,
4:17
Speaker 2: I'm just going to mums for the weekend or I'm
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Speaker 2: just doing this, and like having worked in the space
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Speaker 2: where a lot of my clients have become some of
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Speaker 2: my best friends, but a lot of my clients came
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Speaker 2: to me because of an inheritance. I often come up
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Speaker 2: against this because I'll be like, oh, yeah, I'm just
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Speaker 2: going to my parents and they'll say something really kind,
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Speaker 2: like have so much fun. I wish I could do
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Speaker 2: that too, because most of those friends have lost a
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Speaker 2: parent or both their parents, And it's just this really
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Speaker 2: shitty period of time where I just want to scoop
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Speaker 2: people up and be like you can come to my Christmas,
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Speaker 2: like you can borrow my family, Like yeah, And I
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Speaker 2: think that that's, you know, the Christmas spirit in a way.
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Speaker 2: It's not about having this perfect nuclear family, like that's
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Speaker 2: the abnormal outcome these days. It's actually about sharing and
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Speaker 2: caring and anxiety. It shouldn't be a part of Christmas.
5:01
Speaker 2: And I think that if you knew your friend was
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Speaker 2: experiencing that, you'd be like, oh, babe, like let's do
5:06
Speaker 2: this later, or don't get presents, or reset the expectations.
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Speaker 2: And I just feel like this time of year is
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Speaker 2: not the time of year where we should, you know,
5:14
Speaker 2: have been working towards all of our financial and life
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Speaker 2: goals to then in December throw all of that away.
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Speaker 2: Because it's festive, Like, I just don't think we should
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Speaker 2: be doing that. So on today's show, we are going
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Speaker 2: to be offering some solutions to the social and financial
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Speaker 2: anxiety that ends up creeping up on us at this
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Speaker 2: time of year to help you guys navigate the social
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Speaker 2: and financial anxiety of the festive season.
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Speaker 4: All right, let's start by talking about how we spend
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Speaker 4: at Christmas time. The I have some stats of my
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Speaker 4: own that came from a study from MiQ Australia in
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Speaker 4: twenty twenty two. Australians will increase spending, start shopping earlier
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Speaker 4: and combine online product research with bricks and more to
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Speaker 4: purchase for this festive season because everything that sounds good,
5:53
Speaker 4: that sounds good. Christmas decorations came out at the same
5:56
Speaker 4: time as Halloween decorations this year.
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Speaker 2: What the heck is that about. By the way, I
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Speaker 2: was walking through Camart, I just can't. I can't with
6:02
Speaker 2: this world right now.
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Speaker 4: And it's totally because businesses a lack the longer it's out.
6:07
Speaker 4: And you know what, I am guilty of definitely buying
6:10
Speaker 4: some things in October. I'm not gonna lie to you.
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Speaker 2: However, Babe, you literally have to negotiate with your partner
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Speaker 2: each year about putting your tree up in August. I no,
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Speaker 2: I try. I try and bring it back a little
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Speaker 2: earlier every year. What about three extra days? What about
6:22
Speaker 2: three extra months?
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Speaker 5: Can we just keep the tree up year round and
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Speaker 5: literally just perware Like I feel like there's a very
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Speaker 5: good argument to keeping a tree up year round.
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Speaker 4: I think you're not wrong, but it makes sense that
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Speaker 4: the first year post pandemic where we've really been able
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Speaker 4: to do Christmas, I guess the way that we normally
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Speaker 4: would and more than a third of Australians, which is
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Speaker 4: thirty four percent piece specific, that.
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Speaker 2: Was definitely more than a third.
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Speaker 4: Yep, they're expecting to spend more this holiday season compared
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Speaker 4: to twenty twenty one, despite the fact that inflation is
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Speaker 4: on the rise and interest race and cost of living
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Speaker 4: expenses are both skyrocketing as well.
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Speaker 2: Why do you think that is? Why do you think
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Speaker 2: we are trying to spend more this holiday season despite
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Speaker 2: the fact that everything is more expensive? Inflation is literally
7:02
Speaker 2: crippling us, and I feel like everybody's mortgage is absolutely
7:05
Speaker 2: sinking them. Like what on earth, guys? I feel like
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Speaker 2: it's a combo of two things. It's the fact that,
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Speaker 2: like I said, it's the first year that we've maybe
7:12
Speaker 2: been able to see family and friends who are in
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Speaker 2: interstate or spend time with a large group of people.
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Speaker 2: But it's also the lipstick effect that we've spoken about before.
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Speaker 2: But that's a good point where you've had, like, maybe
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Speaker 2: not such a good year, So all of the small
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Speaker 2: things are what you're happy to blow money on because
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Speaker 2: like maybe you didn't get to get into your dream
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Speaker 2: house this year, or you didn't get to do this
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Speaker 2: big financial goal that you were working towards, so you're like,
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Speaker 2: all right, well whatever, at least I can buy a
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Speaker 2: really nice gift pack from Mecca, which I definitely will
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Speaker 2: be doing this season. Oh my gosh, we love them.
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Speaker 3: Vie.
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Speaker 4: What would you say your biggest stress point is at
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Speaker 4: Christmas time?
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Speaker 1: Oh?
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Speaker 2: What would it be?
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Speaker 1: So?
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Speaker 2: I think the biggest stress point is actually, I don't know.
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Speaker 2: I find gift giving really hard, so you would know
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Speaker 2: the gift giving is definitely one of my love languages,
7:54
Speaker 2: funny because I don't like it back. I don't like
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Speaker 2: other people paying for me or buying things for me.
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Speaker 2: I literally get really is anxious the right word about that,
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Speaker 2: Like when you give me a gift, I immediately go,
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Speaker 2: oh my god, like, why why did you think that
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Speaker 2: I needed this? Like, thank you so much, but also
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Speaker 2: like that was really expensive. You didn't have to. It
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Speaker 2: gives me anxiety to think that I've put someone else out,
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Speaker 2: which is something I clearly need to work on because
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Speaker 2: that is not healthy. But I think it's about really
8:18
Speaker 2: finding the perfect present at this point in the year.
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Speaker 2: And I mean, I am in such a privileged position
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Speaker 2: where Christmas for me, yeah, like we budget for it,
8:26
Speaker 2: but like I have the budget to you know, buy
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Speaker 2: my parents some really nice gifts. But even though I
8:32
Speaker 2: have the budget, I still really stress about it. So
8:34
Speaker 2: just because you have the money for it doesn't make
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Speaker 2: it an easy process.
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Speaker 1: Yeah.
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Speaker 2: I think. In fact, you know, now that I have
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Speaker 2: like my big girl job, I put a lot more
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Speaker 2: pressure on myself to like get my parents really good
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Speaker 2: gifts because I love them and I adore them and
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Speaker 2: I want to show a really high level of gratitude
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Speaker 2: to them, and because gift giving is one of my
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Speaker 2: love languages. I put a lot of pressure on myself there.
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Speaker 2: But I think that that also I need to go
8:59
Speaker 2: back and take some of my own advice because my
9:00
Speaker 2: parents don't care. If I write my dad a card,
9:03
Speaker 2: he'd be like, this is the best Christmas present I've
9:05
Speaker 2: ever gotten. And if you ask him what he wants
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Speaker 2: for Christmas every year, jes like he's like, oh, love
9:11
Speaker 2: a new white T shirt because he just doesn't buy
9:13
Speaker 2: any of that stuff himself, and he knows that I'll
9:15
Speaker 2: go buy a good quality one. He's like, oh love
9:18
Speaker 2: Country Road, such good quality Cottons. Like that impresses him, honestly,
9:23
Speaker 2: nearly as much as me going out and being like,
9:25
Speaker 2: I got this tool that you really liked and I
9:27
Speaker 2: thought really hard about. He'd be like, oh, thanks so much.
9:29
Speaker 2: I'll be like, that's the same reaction to the T shirt.
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Speaker 2: So jess what kind of big stress points are being
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Speaker 2: put on you.
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Speaker 4: I relate to the gift thing, I think because it's
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Speaker 4: also one of my top love languages. Although unlike you,
9:40
Speaker 4: I love both giving and receiving gifts. I wish I
9:43
Speaker 4: was more not weird about it. Just it's a personal
9:46
Speaker 4: value thing, and I think when I reflect on it,
9:49
Speaker 4: the thing that I like about gifts, as you said,
9:51
Speaker 4: it's not about the financial amount, it's not about whatever
9:54
Speaker 4: it is. It's the fact that someone thought about you,
9:57
Speaker 4: But that kind of plays into my stress upse For me,
10:00
Speaker 4: the thing that I really stress about is getting a
10:03
Speaker 4: gift for every person that I know. Like I will
10:06
Speaker 4: get a gift for my male man because he comes
10:08
Speaker 4: to my door ten thousand times a week.
10:10
Speaker 2: Like if I'm going to you're being serious right now.
10:12
Speaker 2: Our postal workers work very hard, and I absolutely do.
10:16
Speaker 2: But like, is that within budget? Because okay, I like this.
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Speaker 2: I think that gratitude is really important. That's your way
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Speaker 2: of showing it. What are you getting the postman?
10:24
Speaker 1: Though? Oh?
10:24
Speaker 2: Only something small?
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Speaker 4: Like it would be like maybe some chocolates or okay,
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Speaker 4: I'm on board with that.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, nothing. Now you just make it feel guilty. I've
10:31
Speaker 2: never bought my postman a pressent. Bullshit. Sorry, I'm going.
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Speaker 4: But like, if I go to a Christmas dinner with friends,
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Speaker 4: for example, and I'm like, oh, like, there's two people
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Speaker 4: out of ten people that I'm really good friends with
10:43
Speaker 4: that I would normally buy a gift for. If I'm
10:45
Speaker 4: going to a Christmas and you don't I only give
10:47
Speaker 4: to some, I'm gonna buy a gift for every single
10:49
Speaker 4: person there, and I want to spend the same amount
10:51
Speaker 4: of money on every single person because I feel bad.
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Speaker 4: And so for me, it's almost about wanting to show
10:57
Speaker 4: love and appreciation and wanting everybody to feel included. And
11:00
Speaker 4: then I stress myself out because if I don't know
11:03
Speaker 4: someone well enough, I'm like, I don't know what, and
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Speaker 4: it just becomes this big thing in my mind.
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Speaker 2: You are triggering me so much to a part of
11:09
Speaker 2: my money story that I had completely forgotten. And it's
11:12
Speaker 2: interesting because obviously gift gifting is my love language, and
11:16
Speaker 2: it's absolutely my mum's love language as well. And I
11:18
Speaker 2: remember every year we'd do the Chrismas shopping and she
11:21
Speaker 2: would pick up like two or three additional quote gifts
11:24
Speaker 2: to wrap and put under the tree in case anyone
11:26
Speaker 2: popped over that she'd forgotten about, or we're going to
11:30
Speaker 2: like a last minute like Christmas drinks or something, so
11:33
Speaker 2: she could take a present and you know, make sure
11:35
Speaker 2: that people weren't forgotten about if she'd actually left them
11:38
Speaker 2: off the radar. And I feel like you are cut
11:40
Speaker 2: paste my mother.
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Speaker 4: Yeah, we have a gifts cupboard, but it's like that thing,
11:44
Speaker 4: and I think you go take a step back. If
11:47
Speaker 4: I didn't buy a gift for my best friend's brother's cousin.
11:50
Speaker 4: I don't think they just crass about it. I think
11:53
Speaker 4: they didn't get me a gift, but it's just putting
11:55
Speaker 4: that I think wanting everyone feel good and wanting to
11:58
Speaker 4: show love to everybody, it does totally become bit of
12:01
Speaker 4: a money p here. And I'm very conscious and I
12:03
Speaker 4: do budget for it, and it's not like I'm putting
12:05
Speaker 4: myself into debt. But that's something that I personally find
12:07
Speaker 4: quite stressful, is knowing where to draw the line.
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Speaker 2: That's a lot of pressure to think that you need
12:11
Speaker 2: to provide so much for other people that you don't
12:14
Speaker 2: even know. And it's funny because I was talking again
12:17
Speaker 2: before we organize this episode, like you're doing that for them,
12:22
Speaker 2: But Jess, if we all went out to a group dinner,
12:24
Speaker 2: you'd be like, well, I'm not going to pick up
12:25
Speaker 2: the tab for them. I don't know them. They can
12:28
Speaker 2: split the bill with me. So why do our values
12:31
Speaker 2: change so much at Christmas time? Where I go from
12:34
Speaker 2: being like, oh, Jess, let's split the bill to oh, Jess, like, well,
12:37
Speaker 2: it's December, so I'm just gonna have a little bit
12:40
Speaker 2: more financial anxiety because I need to give you a
12:42
Speaker 2: gift like it makes no sense at all. So like,
12:44
Speaker 2: let's segue back into the episode that we have been
12:46
Speaker 2: trying to pull together, because I feel like we've gone
12:48
Speaker 2: on a little bit of a tangent, which, honestly, it's
12:51
Speaker 2: chees on the money, what were you expecting? But something
12:54
Speaker 2: really worthwhile keeping in mind. According to McCrindle, an Australian
12:57
Speaker 2: based social research, demographics and done it analytics agency, the
13:01
Speaker 2: top three things Ozzies are most looking forward to it
13:04
Speaker 2: Christmas is spending time with family, the food and celebrations,
13:08
Speaker 2: and the Christmas chair. And also that Australians apparently value
13:12
Speaker 2: experiences over just more things, which I absolutely agree. So
13:16
Speaker 2: I feel like we need to put things in perspective. Jess,
13:19
Speaker 2: does your postman really need a present? In light of
13:22
Speaker 2: all of this.
13:22
Speaker 4: Conversation, I'm still going to buy a present for the postman,
13:25
Speaker 4: but maybe not for my best friend's brother's cousin.
13:26
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, no, no, But I mean I feel like
13:29
Speaker 2: I've got a good relationship with my postman. He knows
13:31
Speaker 2: where to put the parcel so Steve doesn't see them
13:33
Speaker 2: when he comes in. Oh my god, postman, just what
13:35
Speaker 2: am ten out of ten doing the most. Also, he's
13:38
Speaker 2: nice to my dog, and any person that's nice to
13:40
Speaker 2: a dog is a nice human.
13:41
Speaker 4: I agree with all of that in mind, V what
13:44
Speaker 4: can we kind of do about this pressure that makes
13:48
Speaker 4: us more often than not blow our budget a little bit.
13:50
Speaker 2: Out of proportion? All right? So I've talked about this
13:53
Speaker 2: on the podcast before. I feel like we talked about
13:55
Speaker 2: it actually during our live shows earlier this year. But
13:59
Speaker 2: I want to talk about a really interesting way to
14:01
Speaker 2: drow up your Christmas list, and it's by identifying your
14:05
Speaker 2: love languages and that of your intended gift recipients. So, Jess,
14:09
Speaker 2: you're acutely aware. And I mean this is probably half
14:11
Speaker 2: the postman because you don't really know him that well,
14:13
Speaker 2: But I mean you could pop out when he's dropping
14:15
Speaker 2: off your next Amazon pastor and me like, hey, mabe,
14:17
Speaker 2: I just want to talk to you about your love
14:18
Speaker 2: like which one is yours? Not creepy, just interested, just curious,
14:23
Speaker 2: just having a casual chat. But understanding the love languages
14:28
Speaker 2: of your intended gift recipients is going to be really powerful,
14:31
Speaker 2: right because Jess, let's like use you and I in
14:33
Speaker 2: this circumstance, Like I do get a little bit uncomfortable
14:36
Speaker 2: with gifts, but I love experiences. I love things that
14:39
Speaker 2: are really thoughtful. I love things that people have spent
14:42
Speaker 2: time doing, not necessarily like, oh, I hunted down this expense.
14:45
Speaker 2: You think like I just don't care about the stuff,
14:48
Speaker 2: And that's not me going over and occurb stuff because
14:50
Speaker 2: Lord knows, I love stuff, but I want to buy
14:52
Speaker 2: it myself because that doesn't make me feel guilty. So
14:55
Speaker 2: if you were buying a gift for me, maybe you're
14:57
Speaker 2: not thinking about a thing, but maybe something we could
15:00
Speaker 2: do together. And I think if we look at love languages,
15:03
Speaker 2: especially if you are a gift giver, and your instinct
15:07
Speaker 2: is to absolutely go into overdrive at this time, which Jessica,
15:10
Speaker 2: I'm literally hearing at you. But this isn't the way
15:13
Speaker 2: that every single person deciphers love and decipher's value. So
15:18
Speaker 2: I think that if your loved one is a quality
15:20
Speaker 2: time person or an active service person, like have a
15:23
Speaker 2: think about that. Like, I know my partner, Steve is
15:26
Speaker 2: one thousand percent active service person. So I know that
15:30
Speaker 2: if I made up a really cute gift out your
15:32
Speaker 2: book and like did all of these things and said
15:34
Speaker 2: we do this or that or I'll you know, rub
15:37
Speaker 2: your feet if that's something that he's interested in, which
15:39
Speaker 2: is not by the way, it's just a really random example.
15:42
Speaker 2: I'm the one that wants to have my feet rubbed.
15:44
Speaker 2: I know he would value that above and beyond just
15:47
Speaker 2: getting another thing. He's just not a thing person. And
15:50
Speaker 2: maybe you don't need to buy them a present. Maybe
15:52
Speaker 2: you can make like the voutro was talking about, or
15:55
Speaker 2: do a thoughtful act, or spend some time together and
15:58
Speaker 2: try and marry these up to rejuice the pressure that
16:01
Speaker 2: you put on yourself and your finances. So sure, you
16:04
Speaker 2: absolutely can't do this for everybody on your list, like
16:07
Speaker 2: your postmin or maybe your boss, but you'll very likely
16:10
Speaker 2: find that this will have an impact on the way
16:13
Speaker 2: that you spend at Christmas time from my perspective.
16:16
Speaker 4: Absolutely, And if you're hearing us throw around the phrase
16:18
Speaker 4: love languages and you're like, what are we talking about,
16:21
Speaker 4: there's actually a test called the five lung languages, and
16:23
Speaker 4: it essentially categorizes the way we like to give and
16:26
Speaker 4: receive love. And those can be different because, as you said,
16:28
Speaker 4: you lack to give gifts but not receive them, and
16:30
Speaker 4: so identifying the way that you like to display love
16:34
Speaker 4: and the way that your friends and family like to
16:36
Speaker 4: receive love. You might find that more often than not,
16:39
Speaker 4: you don't need to be spending money. Maybe it's just
16:41
Speaker 4: about carving out some time to say, oh, let's go
16:44
Speaker 4: to a picnic together, and you can spend twenty dollars
16:46
Speaker 4: into a really nice DIY cheese board.
16:48
Speaker 2: Buy yourself like a you know, five to ten bottle
16:51
Speaker 2: of wine. Is it fit twenty five dollars audi cheese board,
16:53
Speaker 2: pick up some lum your rose. You are on your way,
16:56
Speaker 2: my love, You are on your way.
16:58
Speaker 4: And it's you know here in Oz, it's summertime. It's
17:00
Speaker 4: a great time to get outdoors and celebrate with people.
17:03
Speaker 4: And you don't necessarily have to have money. If you
17:05
Speaker 4: don't know your love languages. There is a free quiz
17:08
Speaker 4: that you can do online. We'll link in the show notes.
17:09
Speaker 2: Yeah. Absolutely, I think it's really interesting as well, Like
17:12
Speaker 2: I keep being like, what do you mean? I don't
17:14
Speaker 2: like giving gifts, So I love the idea of giving gifts.
17:16
Speaker 2: I just feel ah awkward about it. And in saying that,
17:20
Speaker 2: I also think that there's this idea that you have
17:23
Speaker 2: to go out to celebrate, Like I love the idea
17:27
Speaker 2: of being like, hey, Jess, do you and James want
17:28
Speaker 2: to come over? Like I'm going to make this Lazonia
17:31
Speaker 2: or whatever I'm going to make. Do you want to
17:32
Speaker 2: bring dessert? And like we'll provide the wine or whatever.
17:35
Speaker 2: Cheap night really exciting. I'm going to go old school
17:38
Speaker 2: here and say that I break out the board games
17:40
Speaker 2: a fair bit when free.
17:41
Speaker 4: I was just gonna say that board games, if you
17:44
Speaker 4: give someone a board game, you can usually get them
17:46
Speaker 4: for twenty dollars or less. And if you popped a
17:48
Speaker 4: little note saying here's a board game and an I
17:51
Speaker 4: owe you for a night, you know, with our couples
17:53
Speaker 4: or with our group of friends, that's really cute.
17:56
Speaker 2: That is really cute. And Kmart have some really cheap ones. Okay,
17:58
Speaker 2: I've just thought of a gift or the fly that
18:00
Speaker 2: I think you're gonna love, Jess. So again, I'm just
18:03
Speaker 2: like pumping Audi's tires up. They aren't sponsoring this. I'm
18:06
Speaker 2: just like a megafan they recently won. I think it's
18:10
Speaker 2: like a gold Award for their peanut gricio. It's four
18:13
Speaker 2: ninety five bargain, get a bottle of wine, buy a
18:17
Speaker 2: really cheap board game. It doesn't even have to be
18:19
Speaker 2: like a branded board game. It could just be an
18:21
Speaker 2: activity that you do together. That's the gift. Yeah, ten
18:25
Speaker 2: to fifteen dollars, and it's thoughtful. And you could write
18:28
Speaker 2: a really cute card and it could be a you
18:30
Speaker 2: can't open this until we're having dinner together, Like, how
18:33
Speaker 2: cute is that? I turn out of ten would love
18:35
Speaker 2: that present because it's the thought that counts.
18:37
Speaker 4: Yess, I love that. I think that is such a
18:40
Speaker 4: sweet idea. Let's dash to a break and then when
18:43
Speaker 4: we come back there, I want to talk through your
18:45
Speaker 4: list of tips that I know you've always got about
18:47
Speaker 4: how to keep Christmas on track financially.
18:49
Speaker 2: Don't go anywhere back, Cancel Christmas. That's the plan. No, please,
18:52
Speaker 2: don't welcome back everybody.
18:58
Speaker 4: Today we're talking about Christmas, the social and financial pressures
19:02
Speaker 4: and anxiety that a lot of us feel around that time,
19:04
Speaker 4: and most importantly, how we can avoid that.
19:06
Speaker 2: And Victoria all right, Jess, well, I guess the answer
19:09
Speaker 2: to this is actually just to cancel Christmas.
19:11
Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, Please no, tell me you've got some
19:13
Speaker 4: other good options on your list for me. No, I
19:15
Speaker 4: mean I've got a few options on my list but honestly,
19:17
Speaker 4: if you just entirely skipped this period of the year,
19:20
Speaker 4: like you would save so much money, you would, But
19:22
Speaker 4: I don't want to do it. No, we're not going
19:24
Speaker 4: to be doing that. So do I even need to
19:26
Speaker 4: say this as the first tip? Yeah, Like, we need
19:28
Speaker 4: to set a budget. We need to identify how much
19:30
Speaker 4: you've got to spend and what you want to spend
19:32
Speaker 4: per gift or buy each category. So don't discount homemade
19:36
Speaker 4: gifts or practical presence or experiences in the gift of
19:39
Speaker 4: time through babysitting or cooking dinner for a loved one.
19:42
Speaker 4: I've got a few girlfriends who have had their first
19:45
Speaker 4: babies this year, and honestly, it's the most exciting thing
19:48
Speaker 4: in the entire world. I get called Auntie Tory and
19:51
Speaker 4: I get to steal their babies and it is my
19:53
Speaker 4: favorite thing.
19:54
Speaker 2: But being so close to them now, I know that
19:57
Speaker 2: they would absolutely adore babysitting. Here is a gift voucher.
20:01
Speaker 2: I'm gonna come over obviously, if you're trusted with the kid.
20:04
Speaker 2: I think that this is like a pretty fickle area
20:07
Speaker 2: because you can't just be like, oh, just give it
20:08
Speaker 2: a chess and just it's like, I don't want you
20:10
Speaker 2: to look after aid, but I think it's like one
20:13
Speaker 2: of those things where if you know you're trusted with
20:15
Speaker 2: the baby, be like, hey, I'm going to come over
20:17
Speaker 2: and give you like a night off. You can go
20:19
Speaker 2: and have your own date night. Money win, and you
20:22
Speaker 2: get to spend some quality time with a kid that
20:24
Speaker 2: you love. Like that's huge. I'm obsessed. But don't feel
20:27
Speaker 2: like you have to spend every dollar you've allocated either, Like,
20:30
Speaker 2: if you see a really good gift for like sixty
20:32
Speaker 2: dollars and your budget was seventy five, please bank that
20:35
Speaker 2: difference or reallocate it to something else. Don't just be like, oh,
20:39
Speaker 2: well I budgeted seventy five dollars for Jess's gift. I
20:42
Speaker 2: really should get another extra thing to add on. Like
20:44
Speaker 2: that's not what we do. That is not a smart
20:47
Speaker 2: money decision. I love and then know your shopping style,
20:50
Speaker 2: so think about it. If you're more likely to overspend
20:52
Speaker 2: when you're in the store and feeling a bit sentimental,
20:55
Speaker 2: maybe we need to do a little bit more online shopping.
20:58
Speaker 2: But if you're more likely to go overboard online by
21:00
Speaker 2: adding everything to your cut and just quote working it
21:03
Speaker 2: out later, maybe you need to go physically into the store.
21:06
Speaker 2: You can't just get click happy and add everything to
21:08
Speaker 2: your cut because it doesn't feel as real. The other
21:11
Speaker 2: thing I would say is listen to our points hack
21:13
Speaker 2: episode and use your loyalty or rewards points. Thinking about
21:17
Speaker 2: your shop back. Cash back is probably a really good
21:19
Speaker 2: thing right now. I mean, shopback's not gonna love the
21:22
Speaker 2: factor that I'm telling you all to take all your
21:24
Speaker 2: money out all at the same time, but anything you've
21:26
Speaker 2: accumulated is gonna discount what you actually have to spend
21:29
Speaker 2: on Christmas. Make a list and check it twice or
21:33
Speaker 2: just stick to it. I don't even care how many
21:34
Speaker 2: times you check it. It's estimated each and every single
21:38
Speaker 2: year that waste increases by thirty percent at Christmas. So
21:42
Speaker 2: do your bit for the environment and your budget and
21:44
Speaker 2: make a list, maybe on the back of a piece
21:46
Speaker 2: of recycled paper, so that we're not contributing to that
21:49
Speaker 2: additional waste. As well as gifts and stuff like that
21:51
Speaker 2: for your nearest and dearest, you also need to factor
21:54
Speaker 2: in group gifts, so like Chris Kringles and wrapping paper
21:57
Speaker 2: and postage and decorations. I cannot tell you how much
22:01
Speaker 2: money over the years, I have spent on last minute
22:03
Speaker 2: gift ropping gift bags and cards because I just haven't
22:06
Speaker 2: pre planned it and don't have my stash of one
22:08
Speaker 2: dollar cards from the two dollar shop, you know, Like,
22:10
Speaker 2: I just feel like being prepared at this point of
22:12
Speaker 2: the year is a really really good idea. And then
22:15
Speaker 2: also plan the festive food that you're going to prepare
22:17
Speaker 2: so that you don't over cater and throw food out.
22:20
Speaker 2: And potentially this is another tip that I got from
22:23
Speaker 2: my mum, if you're making like a really big salad,
22:25
Speaker 2: which maybe you are maybe not, don't put all the
22:28
Speaker 2: dressing on the salad, like put the salad dressing on
22:30
Speaker 2: the side, because you can't put salad back in the fridge.
22:33
Speaker 2: If it's covered in dressing, it goes all soggy and gross.
22:36
Speaker 2: But if people just put their dressing on the plate,
22:38
Speaker 2: you can pop the salad back in the fridge and
22:40
Speaker 2: then have it for a few days instead of it
22:42
Speaker 2: all going soggy and you're having to throw it out
22:44
Speaker 2: because it's absolutely gone to absolute sh one t as
22:47
Speaker 2: my dad would say. Yes, the next thing I want
22:50
Speaker 2: to say is suggest that your family and friends only
22:53
Speaker 2: buy gifts for the kids or organize a like secret
22:56
Speaker 2: center among adults. So in my family we do this,
22:59
Speaker 2: so under the age of eighteen you get presents regardless
23:03
Speaker 2: if you're over the age of eighteen, you go into
23:05
Speaker 2: the family Chris Kringle and then you only have to
23:07
Speaker 2: buy one present for one person. And given we have
23:09
Speaker 2: a larger extended family, this ends up working out really
23:13
Speaker 2: really well. And I kind of like when a present
23:15
Speaker 2: turns up and I have no idea who it's from
23:17
Speaker 2: until Christmas Day and then I'm like, oh my gosh,
23:19
Speaker 2: it's from my aunt or whatever it is, and it's
23:22
Speaker 2: actually really really sweet. So definitely set a budget and
23:25
Speaker 2: stick to it. But I promise you're not the only
23:27
Speaker 2: ones stressing about finance. Like, if you're stressing about it, Jess,
23:30
Speaker 2: your sister's probably stressing about it. If your sister's stressing
23:32
Speaker 2: about it, your parents are probably a little bit worried.
23:34
Speaker 2: Because finance is something that is universally stressful. It's not
23:38
Speaker 2: just you who's worried about it, it's everybody. We're going
23:42
Speaker 2: through a crisis of an increasing cost in living. We
23:45
Speaker 2: shouldn't be surprised about these things. But I think up
23:48
Speaker 2: until now, it's always been so taboo to talk about.
23:51
Speaker 2: It's always been like, oh, don't say that money stresses
23:53
Speaker 2: you at Christmas time. Christmas time is about giving. No,
23:56
Speaker 2: it's not. It's about also being festive and kind and general,
24:00
Speaker 2: and sometimes you need to do all of those things
24:02
Speaker 2: for yourself. Obviously, I'm gonna say, find low cost ways
24:06
Speaker 2: to have fun. We talked about board games and dinners
24:08
Speaker 2: at friends' houses, but literally, don't let money be the
24:11
Speaker 2: thing that cuts you off from your friends and family.
24:14
Speaker 2: Like last year during COVID, I learnt and I don't
24:18
Speaker 2: know how is this legal? I don't know, Jess. You're
24:21
Speaker 2: about to tell me. I learned how to make a
24:24
Speaker 2: really good espresso martini and put it in a frank
24:26
Speaker 2: green cup and go for walks with my girlfriends. You
24:28
Speaker 2: can do that at the park. You could probably don't
24:31
Speaker 2: do it at the children's park, but you could walk
24:33
Speaker 2: through the park and go for a walk with a
24:35
Speaker 2: cocktail in hand and have a really fun time. And
24:38
Speaker 2: if you can't afford super expensive restaurants, but you really
24:41
Speaker 2: like a cocktail with a girlfriend, invite or over. Say hey, Jess,
24:45
Speaker 2: do you want to do a cocktail night at my place?
24:47
Speaker 2: You'll obviously say yes, and I'll be like, Okay, cool,
24:50
Speaker 2: I'm going to bring this spirit and these sides, and
24:52
Speaker 2: you bring that spirit and these sides, and we're just
24:54
Speaker 2: making it together by ourselves.
24:56
Speaker 4: So cute.
24:57
Speaker 2: So cute, but also far more budget friendly. I think
25:00
Speaker 2: that there's this idea that if Jess, you're coming to
25:04
Speaker 2: my house, I must cater for absolutely everything, and it's
25:07
Speaker 2: a bit rude to ask you to bring something to
25:10
Speaker 2: my house, Like is that I feel like that's a thing. Yeah,
25:13
Speaker 2: but I agree. I grew up and my mum always
25:15
Speaker 2: said don't turn up empty handed. Ever, Like if you're
25:17
Speaker 2: going over to someone's house for dinner, like you would
25:19
Speaker 2: always take chocolates or a gift or whatever it is,
25:21
Speaker 2: Like why don't you just make that a really productive
25:24
Speaker 2: quote gift or Hey Jess, why don't you do dessert?
25:27
Speaker 2: Or I will do dinner. I just feel like I
25:29
Speaker 2: have a lot of feelings on this, and I also
25:31
Speaker 2: think that that doesn't need to be expensive either, Like
25:34
Speaker 2: there's something really wholesome about being, hey Jess, do you
25:36
Speaker 2: want to come over to dinner? We're having spaghetti Bollonneis
25:39
Speaker 2: it does not have to be a fancy steak that
25:42
Speaker 2: you never make at home. Why don't you just make
25:45
Speaker 2: a classic that you know is well loved, Like, I
25:48
Speaker 2: know you're gonna love it. Jess is a past a fiend.
25:50
Speaker 2: Ten out of ten invited to my house, feedo pasta.
25:53
Speaker 2: It is cheap, it is easy, and she's going to
25:54
Speaker 2: have a fun time. I like that a lot. And
25:56
Speaker 2: now as you like pasta a lot, Jessica, it's very true.
25:59
Speaker 4: Let's come to talking about how over Christmas it often
26:04
Speaker 4: gets a little bit overwhelming for people in terms of
26:06
Speaker 4: mental health and you know, feeling good about ourselves. How
26:09
Speaker 4: can we reframe those expectations into useful or practical conversations
26:15
Speaker 4: that we can have with the people around us to
26:17
Speaker 4: kind of take the pressure off of ourselves a little bit. Yeah,
26:20
Speaker 4: this goes back to like the community around you, in
26:23
Speaker 4: the circle that you have around you, and I think
26:25
Speaker 4: it's really important to weigh up all the obligations and
26:28
Speaker 4: wants over that period of time and remember that it
26:30
Speaker 4: is a really short period of time and that other
26:32
Speaker 4: people in your circle probably have those same pressures being
26:36
Speaker 4: applied to them and saying, hey, jes how are you
26:39
Speaker 4: just catch up in the new year when we're both
26:41
Speaker 4: a little less stressed, they'll be like, oh, yeah, great,
26:44
Speaker 4: no worries. I think sometimes, like, for example, if I
26:47
Speaker 4: said to you, Hey, Jess, we really need to catch
26:50
Speaker 4: up before Christmas, you might get a pang of guilt, like, oh,
26:53
Speaker 4: if he really wants to do that. I might be
26:56
Speaker 4: asking you because I feel guilty because I haven't seen
26:58
Speaker 4: you in nearly twelve months and I've just realized that
27:01
Speaker 4: I haven't caught up with what I thought was a
27:02
Speaker 4: really good friend in almost twelve months, and I'm a
27:04
Speaker 4: little bit stressed about it. If you turned around and said,
27:06
Speaker 4: oh my gosh, this time of year is crazy. How
27:08
Speaker 4: about we sit down and have a proper dinner together
27:11
Speaker 4: in the new year, I'd be like, oh great, no
27:13
Speaker 4: worries to yes. So I think you need to remember
27:15
Speaker 4: that you're not the only one experiencing this stress. There's
27:17
Speaker 4: a lot more demand on our time and our energy
27:20
Speaker 4: and our finances during this time that you're not the
27:22
Speaker 4: only one that is going to be stressed by this.
27:26
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a really good advice there.
27:28
Speaker 4: And on the flip side of that, for people who
27:30
Speaker 4: are feeling isolated or lonely, maybe they've got past trauma
27:34
Speaker 4: or they're not super close with their family. Christmas can
27:37
Speaker 4: be particularly triggering, and we know that the festive season
27:40
Speaker 4: is not so festive for everybody, and it's a time
27:43
Speaker 4: when we see suicide rates increase and mental health crises
27:46
Speaker 4: escalate as well. What are some things that we can
27:48
Speaker 4: keep in mind for ourselves and the other people around
27:51
Speaker 4: us when considering mental health over Christmas?
27:54
Speaker 2: Yeah, look one hundred percent. And it's honestly so important
27:58
Speaker 2: to keep this front of mine at this period of time.
28:00
Speaker 2: I mean during the entire year, it is really important.
28:03
Speaker 2: But Christmas makes people feel extra lonely because it's that
28:06
Speaker 2: one holiday during the year, because it's not like a
28:08
Speaker 2: birthday where it's your birthday and it's not mine, Jess.
28:11
Speaker 2: It's that one period of the year where everyone is
28:13
Speaker 2: showering each other in love, showering each other in attention,
28:17
Speaker 2: and it can feel extra lonely and it breaks my heart.
28:20
Speaker 2: But split families and unresolved complex do contribute to Christmas anxiety,
28:25
Speaker 2: and family and relationship problems can be a massive trigger
28:29
Speaker 2: for anxiety. And there's a few things that I want
28:32
Speaker 2: us to think about. So first things first is to
28:34
Speaker 2: set really realistic expectations like Christmas might not actually be
28:38
Speaker 2: that sunshine and lights and fabulous family reunion that you'd
28:42
Speaker 2: ever hoped for. So maybe plan how you might manage
28:46
Speaker 2: these feelings during that period of time, Like are you
28:48
Speaker 2: going to feel extra anxious? Are you going to feel
28:50
Speaker 2: a little bit depressed during this time? Like can you
28:53
Speaker 2: give the gift of a phone call and check in
28:55
Speaker 2: with a friend or a family member, Like, we know
28:58
Speaker 2: this is a really lonely period of time for some people,
29:01
Speaker 2: but also when it comes to family, Oh, it's a
29:05
Speaker 2: bit of a controversial, inspicy topic, Like you don't have
29:08
Speaker 2: to spend time with people who make you feel like
29:11
Speaker 2: shit jes Like you can call it and be like
29:14
Speaker 2: I'm just using not to engage in that. And it
29:16
Speaker 2: might not be the stereotypical thing, it might not be
29:20
Speaker 2: a cultural thing, but I just think that you putting
29:22
Speaker 2: your mental health first and going gin know what? That
29:25
Speaker 2: is not worth it for me? Yeah, is one becoming
29:28
Speaker 2: fun or popular these days? But too just so important
29:31
Speaker 2: and such a strong decision to make, Like if you
29:34
Speaker 2: have an incredibly fractured relationship with a family and you're like,
29:38
Speaker 2: oh far out, Like I've been really dreading Christmas Day
29:40
Speaker 2: because I have to go to my parents' house and
29:42
Speaker 2: I have to do this and I hate them. I
29:44
Speaker 2: don't like them, I don't want anything to do with them.
29:46
Speaker 2: Why does this one part of the year have to
29:49
Speaker 2: change if you don't want to engage with them at
29:51
Speaker 2: any other part of the year. I think setting realistic
29:54
Speaker 2: expectations about one how you feel, but to how you're
29:57
Speaker 2: going to manage it is really important. And asking yourself
30:00
Speaker 2: the question if I was being kindest to myself, what
30:03
Speaker 2: would I do? It's probably a really good place to start,
30:06
Speaker 2: because often we ask ourselves what should I do? And
30:10
Speaker 2: what should you do? Usually comes from other people's expectations,
30:13
Speaker 2: But the answer to the question of what is the
30:15
Speaker 2: kindest thing I could do for myself in this situation
30:18
Speaker 2: comes from you actually putting yourself first. And I think
30:21
Speaker 2: that that is really really important. Or if you are lonely,
30:24
Speaker 2: or even just really low and cash and still want
30:26
Speaker 2: to give back, you can volunteer some time for national
30:29
Speaker 2: organizations like the Red Cross or Saint Vincent to Paul
30:32
Speaker 2: or literally there are so many places, and the one
30:35
Speaker 2: place I would visit is like your local council website
30:39
Speaker 2: and see if there's like a Christmas lunch happening that
30:41
Speaker 2: you could volunteer some time at, Like, that's such a
30:44
Speaker 2: good way of giving back, and it's definitely not what
30:48
Speaker 2: you expect it to be. I remember one year my
30:50
Speaker 2: mom was like, hey, girls, like I really want you
30:53
Speaker 2: to see that Christmas is not the same for every
30:55
Speaker 2: single family, And instead of having family lunch at our
30:59
Speaker 2: dinner table as we always would with our family, we
31:02
Speaker 2: literally went down to a community Christmas lunch and helped
31:05
Speaker 2: serve that and do that. And that was one of
31:06
Speaker 2: the most wholesome experiences of my entire life, because one,
31:11
Speaker 2: it gave me a really beautiful sense of gratitude, but two,
31:15
Speaker 2: I was like, there are all these really cool people
31:18
Speaker 2: here that I got to spend Christmas with, and there's
31:20
Speaker 2: just so much love floating around there. So if you
31:22
Speaker 2: are on your own, that could be a really good opportunity.
31:25
Speaker 2: And another one if you're lonely or you are on
31:28
Speaker 2: a budget, is attend community events like find out what's
31:31
Speaker 2: local and get involved, whether it's Christmas carols or wandering
31:34
Speaker 2: through a local market. Getting out and about can really
31:37
Speaker 2: help relieve loneliness. And if you're on a budget, why
31:40
Speaker 2: not back a little picnic. Yeah, why not do it
31:42
Speaker 2: on your own and listen to the Christmas carols? Like
31:45
Speaker 2: that's so wholesome and so beautiful and you don't need
31:49
Speaker 2: another person's permission to enjoy your time on your own.
31:53
Speaker 2: So I think that's probably a really good place to
31:55
Speaker 2: leave it, Miss Jessica Ricci, because the second I said
31:58
Speaker 2: Christmas carols, your eyes lit up, and I knew you
32:01
Speaker 2: weren't going to be around for the rest of their.
32:03
Speaker 4: I'm ready to go listen to all Hour of Christmas
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Speaker 4: is You on repeat? But just to summarize, we totally
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Speaker 4: understand and both can really relate to feelings of anxiety
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Speaker 4: around Christmas, and that can be very confronting because you go, oh,
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Speaker 4: I'm meant to be happy, but I'm sad.
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Speaker 2: Why is that? And that's so okay.
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Speaker 4: We just want you to know that if you're putting
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Speaker 4: pressure on yourself, it's not necessary. And if you're finding
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Speaker 4: that this time of year is exasperating existing mental health conditions.
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Speaker 2: Reach out and chat to somebody.
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Speaker 4: We'll have some resources in the show notes, because unfortunately,
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Speaker 4: mental health doesn't take a day off just because it's Christmas.
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Speaker 4: All right, guys, that is all we have time for today,
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Speaker 4: and we'll see you on Friday.
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Speaker 2: See you then.
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Speaker 2: P t y lt D A b N three two
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Speaker 2: one six four nine two seven seven
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Speaker 5: Zero eight AFSL four five one two eight nine