Latest / The Nadia Chapman Show / STOP Waiting for Motivated: Learn Simple Ways to Get Moving Again

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STOP Waiting for Motivated: Learn Simple Ways to Get Moving Again · The Nadia Chapman Show

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Hey everyone, welcome back to the Nadia Chapman Show. It's a pleasure to be
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sitting here this evening.
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It's been over a month, I think, since I recorded a podcast.
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So I'm very happy to be here. And today's topic has to do with the fact that,
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gosh, so many people that I talk with is feeling unmotivated,
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has low energy, is a little bit foggy,
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in, you know, taking the next step towards what they want, or maybe they've
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given up, or maybe they're plattering.
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Whatever you are in your life, in whatever you're trying to pursue,
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whether you are an athlete or a parent, a student,
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no matter how old you are, how young you are, this podcast is for you because
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we all love to feel highly motivated.
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And sometimes we just feel kind of blah. Yeah.
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If you know what I mean. And what is motivation anyway?
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Where does it come from? How do we keep it? How do we get it back?
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This episode is going to be like a little kick in the butt or a gentle nudge,
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however you want to see it, to get you feeling really energetic and inspired again.
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So listen up. All right. I'm going to start with asking you a question.
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Surprise, surprise. You know me as a coach. I love asking questions.
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So have you ever woken up one morning feeling like you could just conquer the freaking world?
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All right. Like you're going to exercise.
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You're going to go, you're going to start eating better.
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You're going to organize your whole house, start a business,
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finally work on that one project that you've been talking about for 10 years,
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maybe drink more water, become a superhuman, a better human.
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And it's funny because as I'm saying this, I picture in my head,
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January 1st, January 1st, we feel very, very motivated on January 1st,
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then comes January 2nd and 3rd and 4th.
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And you know, motivation kind of disappears, right?
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So we all we've all been there, we all have a big plan and something that gets
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us excited and inspired and practically makes us want to be a new person.
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And then three days later, you're sitting on the couch, scrolling Instagram,
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watching reels for an hour, eating something straight out of the container.
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Wondering where the hell that motivated person went.
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Like, seriously, where did she go? Where did he go?
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And as you know, these episodes and any coaching sessions with me anyway,
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or whenever you ask yourself questions and you try to self-improve yourself,
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do personal growth, it always has to come with judgment.
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So don't listen to this podcast thinking, oh my gosh, I am just a lazy bitch.
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Because yeah, you might be right now, but you know, putting yourself down and
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beating yourself up and judging yourself for your actions is only going to make
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things work. So always approach things with curiosity.
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Yes, curiosity over judgment. So instead of saying, you know.
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I am very unmotivated. I suck at everything. I can never keep up with reaching a goal.
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Just ask yourself, why am I losing motivation? Just become curious,
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curious about your behavior, your thoughts, and your action. All right? Capisce?
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So let's start at the beginning here. What is motivation? What is it?
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Where does it come from? Why does it disappear? And most importantly, how do we get it back?
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And I promise you, I'm not going to say you need to get up at 4am and take an
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ice bath and juice some celery and kale and write, you know,
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50 affirmations and become a millionaire before breakfast.
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Because frankly, that sounds unrealistic and exhausting.
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But let's start at the very beginning. Let's understand something.
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Motivation isn't some magical woohoo personality trait that certain people are born with.
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All right. So, you know, you probably have people around you,
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people that seem to have endless energy and they're always working out and building
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something new and learning something and chasing goals.
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And you look at them and you think, wow, I wish I had that motivation. Well, here's the thing.
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They're not necessarily more motivated than you.
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They simply have better systems. Yes, they have better systems.
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They have stronger habits or maybe a clearer reason for doing what they do.
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So let's talk about the science of motivation for a second.
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Your brain has a chemical messenger called the dopamine, and I'm sure you heard about it.
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And often people call it the pleasure chemical. Dopamine is heavily involved
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in motivation and learning and the anticipation of a reward, right?
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It's part of what makes your brain say, ah, you know, hey, that might be worth pursuing. So let's go.
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So here's something very interesting. Your brain doesn't just respond to getting the reward.
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It also responds to the possibility of getting one.
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Think about booking a vacation for a second. So sometimes the anticipation of
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the vacation is almost as exciting as the vacation itself, right?
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You're looking at hotels, you're planning, you're booking tickets.
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You're looking at restaurants online, you've got maybe pictures you save of
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the beach where you're going.
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So you're imagining yourself out there and your brain is already getting pretty
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darn excited about what's coming up. And that's the part of the motivational
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system at work right there.
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But here's the catch. Your brain is also constantly evaluating and scanning
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and looking around whether something is worth the effort or not.
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And if a goal feels too big and unachievable or way too far down the road,
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or maybe uncertain or way too exhausting to go after, your motivation can take a nosedive.
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And not because you are lazy, but because your brain is kind of,
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you know, waiting the effort against the expected reward. So which brings me
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to something I see all the time in my coaching.
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Why does motivation disappear?
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And there's a few reasons for that. There's a few reasons why we lose motivation.
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And I want you to see if you can recognize yourself in any of these.
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The number one is the excitement wears off. So when we start something new,
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we get all excited and we get what we call the honeymoon phase.
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You know, oh, I got a new gym membership. It's super exciting.
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Or I've got this crazy business idea and I feel really good about it.
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I got myself a journal and a new agenda, and I'm going to keep track of my goals
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and what I eat or whatever it is that you're getting into, you know.
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But then eventually, life happens, things get in the way, and reality kicks
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in, like we say. So the gym actually asks of you to go to the gym.
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To get up early and go to the gym.
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The business will ask of you to do all the boring paperwork and not just put
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all the cute stuff on Instagram. And the beautiful planner, well,
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now it's October, and the last thing that you wrote in it was...
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From January. And when the novelty disappears, which is normal,
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we sometimes see it as, oh, there's a loss of motivation. But really,
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we've just entered the least exciting part of the process.
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And if you keep going, and if you keep pursuing, the motivation will go back up.
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The number two reason where we lose motivation is we are overwhelmed.
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And this is a big one. Sometimes we don't lack the motivation at all.
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We have just too many things competing for our attention.
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We have work and family and responsibilities and bills to pay and appointments
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and very big expectations and maybe 5,000 more things running through our head.
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And then someone tells you, hey, just stay motivated.
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OK, well, thank you, Cheryl. Why?
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I didn't think about that. Really? Like when you're mentally exhausted,
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even something that you really want can feel like another obligation and your
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brain will start looking for relief instead of another challenge.
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The number three reason we lose motivation is that we're chasing goals that no longer matter for us.
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And this is interesting because this is where I got the idea for this podcast,
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having a conversation with somebody who was pursuing a goal,
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pursuing a dream that she actually outgrew.
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So this one might sting a little if you recognize yourself in this.
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Sometimes we're trying to stay very motivated and work really hard towards something
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that we don't even truly want anymore.
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A lot of people go after goals that really look impressive or that someone else
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is doing and they want to do it.
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But here's the question I want you to ask yourself. And please be honest.
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Do I actually want this or do I just want to be the kind of person who has it?
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And there's a big difference between the two. All right. Research on self-determination
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theory suggests that motivation gets stronger and more sustainable when we feel
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autonomy, competence, and connection.
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When we have some choice in what we're doing and possibilities and believe that
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we can improve and feel that it matters to us or connect us to others, we will keep going.
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So if you're constantly forcing yourself towards a goal that doesn't really
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align with your values, it's worth asking why.
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Number four reason we are losing motivation is that we're not seeing progress.
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And this one is so huge. So imagine working towards something for weeks or months
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or even years and feeling like you are going nowhere.
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It can be so frustrating. And when you don't see progress, you will definitely
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start questioning the effort.
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Is this even working? Am I wasting my time and energy?
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And sometimes progress is happening, but we are so damn focused on the finish
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line that we completely miss it.
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All right. So let's talk about the part I really want you to remember about this podcast.
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You don't always need motivation to take action. Sometimes taking action is
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what create motivation.
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Maybe that is the writer downer for today. You don't always need motivation to take action.
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Sometimes taking action is what creates motivation. So I'll read that again and again, guys.
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Because most of us have it absolutely backward.
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We think the sequence is, ah, feel motivated, then take the action,
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then get the results. And I'm sure sometimes that happens, but very often the
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sequence works the other way around.
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You take a small action, you feel a sense of progress, maybe very little,
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but ah, your confidence increases and now you're more willing to take the next step. All right.
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I was reading something the other day. It was very interesting.
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Psychologists have studied something called behavioral activation in the context of depression.
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And one principle is that engaging in meaningful activities can help improve
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mood and really reestablish momentum, even when the desire to act isn't there
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in the first part. Very interesting.
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For everyday say, motivation struggles, the broader lesson is incredibly useful.
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So action can come before the feeling.
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So think about exercising for a second. How many times have you not wanted to
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go the gym or go move or go on a walk and you come up with a million excuses? Don't worry, I do it too.
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Oh, it's cold. I'm tired. It's hot. It's windy. My shoes are downstairs.
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My dog is tired. I think I pull a muscle the other day.
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But then you finally go.
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And 20 minutes later, while you're doing it, you're thinking,
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oh my God, I'm so glad I did it. I'm so glad I'm doing this, right?
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You didn't wait to feel motivated. You started moving and your mental state completely shifted.
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And that is so powerful. And it's something that I remind athletes and people all the time.
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You don't have to feel confident to start, you don't have to feel ready to start,
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and you certainly don't have to feel motivated every single day.
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Sometimes you just need to begin. All right, so play with me for a second and
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let's have fun. I want you to do a little experiment with me.
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I call this the five-minute motivation test. And you can use this with almost anything.
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Maybe you've been putting off cleaning your house, maybe you've been putting
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off dealing with bills, maybe you want to write something but you never do,
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maybe you want to go work out, you need to go study,
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maybe you want to start a project, whatever it is, here's what you're going to do.
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Tell yourself, I'm only doing five minutes. That's it.
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Not an hour, not until it's finished. Five minutes.
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And give yourself permission to stop after those five minutes.
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Okay? Here's why this can work.
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One of the biggest obstacles to getting started is what psychologists call task
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initiation. So basically, task.
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Effort of starting can feel way bigger than the effort of continuing.
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And when we make that first little stupid step so small and so doable, well, guess what?
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We reduce that barrier. Because here's a secret.
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Once you're moving, continuing gets easier.
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Not always, I'll be honest, and that's okay.
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But you've given yourself a chance to create momentum instead of just sitting
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around and waiting around for the motivation to magically arrive on a unicorn. All right.
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And if you only do five minutes, well, congratulations, you still did five minutes
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more than you were going to do.
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And that's a win. But if you do more, oh, well, you'll feel very proud of yourself.
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Now, before we wrap this podcast, I want to talk about how to get that motivation back.
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Let's talk about what you can actually do when you feel stuck.
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And I'm going to give you five things I want you to try.
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The first one is reconnect with your why.
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And I don't mean some generic motivational quote that you find on Pinterest.
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All right, guys, I mean an actual reason. Why did you start?
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Why does this matter? Why are you going after that goal?
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Why are you trying to do xyz and what will change in your life if you follow through
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and what might happen if you keep pulling it off what is this going to cost
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you if you never lift the finger and move forward
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and let's be honest sometimes we lose motivation because we are getting so disconnected
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from the meaning behind our action and that's okay and that's another honest
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conversation that you need to have
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maybe you need to go back to the beginning maybe that goal that you're trying
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to chase doesn't even align with what you want anymore so give yourself permission
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to discover if your goals have changed and you're allowed to want different
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things at different stages of your life all right
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Second, stop making everything so freaking big.
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And I see this constantly. People set these enormous goals and then they wonder,
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oh my gosh, this is so much work. It's so overwhelming.
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Well, yeah, I want to completely transform my life.
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Okay, that's wonderful. But what does that actually mean for Tuesday afternoon
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at 3.30? Because that's where your life happens.
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Not in some imaginary future version of yourself. your life happens in ordinary
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moments. So instead of asking yourself, how do I change my entire life?
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Well, maybe ask, what's one thing I can do today that will move me into the right direction?
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Maybe send an email, maybe go on a walk, maybe write a page of a book,
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maybe have a conversation, maybe make a decision. So make the next step so clear
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and doable that you don't have to negotiate with yourself for 20 minutes. All right.
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Number three, create evidence that you're making progress.
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I talk about this a lot because it's something that I believe is incredibly
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important. Your brain learns from experience. So every time that you follow
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through on something, even if it's very small, you're creating evidence that
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you're capable of doing what you said you would do.
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One tiny action isn't going to magically rewire your entire brain overnight,
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but repeated experience of success, yes, can absolutely make a difference over time.
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And that matters. So stop waiting for some massive achievement to celebrate
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yourself. Notice the small win.
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Celebrate the small wins. Write them down. And at the end of the day,
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ask yourself, what did I do today that my future self will thank me for?
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And maybe it's not that big and grandiose and spectacular.
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Maybe nobody will notice and that's okay. Maybe nobody will applaud,
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but you did it. You did it anyway. And that's how you built momentum.
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Number four, change your environment. And this one is my favorite because sometimes
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motivation is not the problem. Your environment is working against you.
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You want to read more, but your phone is always in your face.
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You want to eat better, but your kitchen is full of shitty food.
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You want to work on a project, but every single time that you sit down,
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there's a million distractions around you.
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So we love to talk about willpower, but sometimes the smartest thing you can
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do for yourself is make the behavior you want easier and the behavior that you don't want harder.
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So put your walking shoes by the door. All right. Leave the notebook on the desk. I don't know.
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Put the book that you want to read by your bed.
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That way, maybe you reach out for the book instead of reaching out for your phone.
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So turn off the notification, turn off the distractions, and make a good choice
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convenient. Because relying on your willpower all the time every single day is exhausting.
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Number five, check your energy before you criticize your motivation.
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This one is important, especially these days, because it seems like everybody,
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me, myself included, did.
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Get so tired. Everybody's so tired right now.
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So this one is important. Sometimes you don't need another motivational speech
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or motivational podcast.
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You need sleep. You need a rest. You need a break.
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You need to eat a good meal, go outside, connect with someone,
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stop trying to do a million things all at once.
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We live in a culture that sometimes treat rest like it's weakness.
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And that's something that I personally have a hard time with.
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I certainly don't like to sit down and do nothing or go to bed early.
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So it's my own inner battle. I always kind of criticize myself.
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But as I get older, and I do need to honor, I need to honor myself and sleep
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better and just be more conscious about the way I rest mentally and physically.
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Rest and recovery are part of a very sustainable performance,
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whether you are a regular person, an athlete, no matter what you're doing.
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You cannot train at maximum intensity every single day without consequences.
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And life is the same way. Before you label yourself as lazy,
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just ask yourself, am I unmotivated or am I depleted?
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Because those two things require very different solutions.
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And if your loss of energy is persistent, especially if it's affecting your
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everyday life, well, maybe take a break. Take a break.
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Talk to a health care professional rather than thinking that you've got a discipline problem.
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Number five, stop waiting to feel like it.
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Here's something I want you to think about. What if you stop asking yourself,
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do I feel motivated today?
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Instead, ask yourself, what matters enough for me to show up today?
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Even if I don't feel like it, because sometimes you're not going to feel like
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it. But what matters enough for me to show up today?
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Motivation is going to come and go guys. It always has and always will.
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And some mornings you're going to wake up feeling on top of the world,
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ready for anything. And other mornings you're going to wake up thinking,
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can everybody just leave me alone for like six business days?
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Welcome to being human. The people who make meaningful progress in life aren't
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necessarily the people who feel motivated all the time, I'm telling you, all right?
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They're often the people who have learned how to keep moving,
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you know, on good days and bad days, but keep moving when excitement disappears
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because it's not always there.
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So not by forcing themselves to operate at 110% every day,
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but by building habits, a system, creating supportive environments,
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and learning how to take those small, manageable steps that I've been telling you about.
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And here's another thing. You are allowed to start again.
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I don't care if you started the same goal 10 times.
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I don't care if you abandon your new year resolutions on January 3rd.
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I don't care if you were doing great for six months and then completely fell off track.
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You can begin again and again. And you can begin today.
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You can begin tomorrow, next Tuesday.
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There is no rules that say that you only get one chance to become the person you want to be. Okay?
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And stop turning one unproductive day or one bad month into a story about who
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you are. All right? I didn't work out today.
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So I'm lazy. I haven't made progress lately. I'm a failure.
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I lost motivation, so maybe I'm just not disciplined. No, no, no, no, no, no.
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You had a day, maybe you had a week. Hey, you know what? Maybe you had a year,
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maybe a very difficult season, but that is not your identity.
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Again, it's information. Remember at the beginning of the podcast,
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I say we approach this with curiosity, not judgment.
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So what I want you to remember from this podcast, and you can save it for later
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if you need that little kick in the butt again.
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Here's what I want you to remember today. Motivation is amazing.
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It's wonderful. It feels good.
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But I don't want you to build your entire life around waiting for that feeling
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because feelings change, energy change, circumstances change.
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And if you only take action when everything is all pink and rosy and perfect,
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you're going to spend a lot of your life waiting.
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I'm going to leave you with this. You don't have to feel motivated to make progress,
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but making progress might just help you feel motivated again. All right.
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Thank you so much for spending this little part of the day with me.
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I really appreciate that you are tuning in to listening to the Nadia Chapman Show.
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If this episode made you think of someone who maybe is feeling a little stuck,
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please send it to them. Sometimes all we need is just a little reminder that
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we can start again. All right.
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If you're enjoying the Nadia Chapman Show, please follow the podcast.
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You can leave a review and just come back to it for more conversations about
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mindset growth and just figuring out this crazy, beautiful thing called life.
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I'm Nadia Chapman, and I'll talk to you next time.